1

00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:05,671

It seems today

that all you see

2

00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,874

Is violence in movies

and sex on TV

3

00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:12,544

But where are those

good old-fashioned values

4

00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,547

On which we used to rely?

5

00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,018

Lucky there's a family guy

6

00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:22,388

Lucky there's a man

who positively can do

7

00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,889

All the things that make us

8

00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,324

Laugh and cry

9

00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:29,461

He's... a...

Fam... ily... Guy!

10

00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,803

Okay, I call.

What do you got?

11

00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,339

Boom. Full house, jokers

over instruction cards.

12

00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,408

I do not enjoy

playing with you.

13

00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,209

Everything's so silly.

14

00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,311

You guys, you'll

never guess what.

15

00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,213

Randy Jackson was just

a big sea turtle

16

00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,982

in human clothes,

we heard.

17

00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:52,251

No, we all just booked

a vacation together

18

00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,653

to a private resort

in the Bahamas.

19

00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,188

Well, that's a lot

of my money,

20

00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,823

but I used to have

sex with you,

21

00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,224

so that's

the trade-off.

22

00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,360

Look, it's not as

expensive as it sounds.

23

00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,063

We found a great group rate

on a discount Web site.

24

00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,864

Wow, the Bahamas.

25

00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:09,101

I can't wait to get down there

and dip my fingers in the water.

26

00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,236

Yeah, it'll be awesome

to nail a hotel masseuse

27

00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,439

and then watch Nanny

McPhee in the room.

28

00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,673

So, when do we leave?

29

00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,575

Oh. Sorry, Glenn.

30

00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,544

The deal was

for couples only.

31

00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,512

I... I'm afraid

you can't come.

32

00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,714

All right, fine.

Since you'll all be gone,

33

00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,517

I'll just walk around my yard

naked, pee anywhere I want.

34

00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,785

I don't care.

35

00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,759

I think it's great

that Peter and Lois

36

00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,360

are getting away together.

37

00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,563

Yeah, I think Dad's actually

kind of excited about it.

38

00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:40,232

Yes, very. He even bought

some sort of language tapes,

39

00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,601

although I don't think

he's using them properly.

40

00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,736

MAN: I would like

to hear the specials.

41

00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,638

(speaks French)

42

00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,041

I would like to

hear the specials.

43

00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:52,311

Where is the Eiffel Tower?

(speaks French)

44

00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,279

I would rather

hear the specials.

45

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,714

(doorbell rings)

46

00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,584

I'm sorry I'm late.

47

00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:01,053

I shoved an employee at Wendy's

and they called the cops.

48

00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:03,755

You got to warn somebody before

you hand him a square burger.

49

00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,492

Thanks again for watching the

kids while we're gone, Daddy.

50

00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,260

Yeah, but how come

Babs couldn't come?

51

00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,929

Oh, she wanted to be here, but

she got hired to be the stuffy

52

00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:14,800

old woman who slowly comes

around to it in a rap video.

53

00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,504

I'm so glad the times

are not changing.

54

00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,640

You a bitch and a ho

and a ho and a bitch

55

00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,277

My garden party has been ruined.

56

00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:29,414

But I'm beginning

to tap my foot.

57

00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,353

All right, I know most of you

haven't traveled with me,

58

00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,455

but get ready to see

a lot of airport elevators

59

00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,190

you didn't know existed.

60

00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,425

Hey, guys. Say, Lois, I-I

know you said this trip

61

00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,194

was couples only,

but great news.

62

00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,695

We're now

a couple.

63

00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,364

Oh. Who's this?

64

00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,466

This is Kimmie.

I met her in a pop-up window

65

00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,368

on the Internet.

She was in my area.

66

00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,969

Hi. Peter Griffin,

all but separated.

67

00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,371

Oh, right on.

68

00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,640

All right, well,

I suppose I could look into

69

00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,375

adding you two

to the reservation.

70

00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,477

Yeah, you guys

should definitely come.

71

00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,978

Yeah, this

is gonna be awesome.

72

00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,280

Relax, Peter.

73

00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,814

Geez, I haven't

seen you this excited

74

00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,484

since you got that letter

sent by carrier owl.

75

00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:08,554

Oh, my God. Is this my

acceptance to Hogwarts?

76

00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,556

No, it's a letter

asking you

77

00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,457

to stop throwing rocks

at my nest.

78

00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,060

You hit one of my kids,

and now he can't fly right.

79

00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,963

Well, fine, then I'll just

throw rocks at the hornets.

80

00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,733

He told me to do it.

81

00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,808

And thus began

the Thousand Year War

82

00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,010

between the avians

and the insects.

83

00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,846

It was a brutal war,

it was a bitter war.

84

00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,417

And most importantly, it

was

a visually spectacular

war.

85

00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,053

Attack!

(all shouting)

86

00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,989

Charge!

(all shouting)

87

00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,427

Sorry, I'm being told

this

would be very expensive

88

00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,896

to animate, so instead,

here's some stock footage

89

00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,332

of an old plane

trying to take off.

90

00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:59,504

They didn't have enough

wings.

91

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,147

92

00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,790

Oh, my God, this

place is gorgeous.

93

00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:22,060

Yeah, I can't wait to puke up

a club sandwich in the pool.

94

00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,763

Hello, couples.

My name is Noel,

95

00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,466

and welcome

to Pleasant Surroundings.

96

00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,972

Something about black people

wearing all-white clothes--

97

00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,275

it's very peaceful.

98

00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:39,411

We have a special beach barbecue

planned for you tonight,

99

00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,581

but in the meantime, please

enjoy all our amenities.

100

00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:45,784

We will. Come on, girls, let's

go wear big floppy sun hats

101

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,120

in the pool and then

be mad when they get wet.

102

00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,988

Yeah, I'm gonna hit

the pool soon, myself.

103

00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,325

Got to let the lifeguard know

he better keep an eye on me.

104

00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,699

I'm here a whole week, pal.

105

00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:08,440

Hey, Brian, check it

out-- HotOrNot.com.

106

00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,809

BRIAN: Ten.

STEWIE: One.

107

00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,277

Ten.

One.

108

00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,845

Five.

Five.

109

00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,514

Hey, I just made

black coffee

110

00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:18,684

in an old tin pan.

Who wants some?

111

00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,519

No one? What's wrong

with you people?

112

00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,255

Dick Fosbury won

an Olympics on this.

113

00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,956

Well, say, this is pretty neat.

114

00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:27,626

I brought you kids an old seed

packet I found in my garage.

115

00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,828

I know what you got

your fingers crossed for,

116

00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,930

and yes,

they're persimmons.

117

00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,600

All right, that's it.

118

00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:38,303

Damn it, I tried two things

that all kids love:

119

00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,538

coffee and

old seed packets.

120

00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,473

And all any of you

can do is stare

121

00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,775

at those Game Boy machines!

I'm sick of it!

122

00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,978

In fact, for the rest

of the week, no more screens.

123

00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,548

I'm locking those things up.

Wait, you what?

124

00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,216

Oh, come on,

what the hell?

Aw...

125

00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,151

Aw, but what...?!

That's right,

126

00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,387

I'm gonna show you kids how to

have fun the old-fashioned way,

127

00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,055

like I did when

I was a kid.

128

00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,857

But I can't live

without my laptop.

129

00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,792

How else am I supposed

to get my degree

130

00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,527

from the University

of Phoenix?

131

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,029

Credit card information.

132

00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,397

And submit.

133

00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,666

And I'm a lawyer.

134

00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,535

We find the defendant

guilty of murder.

135

00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,604

Sorry.

136

00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,511

Oh, hey, you guys.

137

00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,313

Uh, Quagmire, I don't think

you can go to dinner

138

00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:22,514

in your swimsuit.

139

00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,749

And what the hell

happened to you?

140

00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,684

Oh, Kimmie and I

fell asleep on the beach.

141

00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,819

Yeah, I think

you better change.

142

00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,122

Okay, we'll be down

in a minute.

143

00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,824

Welcome, everyone.

144

00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,192

I hope you enjoyed

your afternoon,

145

00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,361

but now it's time

to get to work.

146

00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,397

On the rippin'

and the tearin'?

147

00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:42,033

Even better. We're going

to work on your relationships.

148

00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,069

After all,

this isn't just a vacation,

149

00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,271

it's a couples

counseling retreat.

150

00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,773

Oh, what the hell?!

151

00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,341

Sorry, Peter.

152

00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,610

We had to trick you guys

or you wouldn't have come.

153

00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,245

No. You can't

make me.

154

00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,981

I'll get hit with a coconut

so I lose my memory of this.

155

00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,451

Aah! I remember

everything!

156

00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:02,254

I was abused

by my dad!

157

00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,295

Lois, I can't believe

you tricked us

158

00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,397

into coming on a couples

counseling retreat.

159

00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,232

I do not like

being lied to.

160

00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,601

Me neither.

I mean, wives conspiring

161

00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,437

against their husbands.

What's next, huh?

162

00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:21,072

Freakin' Cheney

back in the White House?

163

00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,809

(exclaims)

Hmm, that didn't

link up.

164

00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,610

Trust me, you won't

regret this.

165

00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:29,481

I'll see you all in the morning

for our first session.

166

00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,116

Sheesh, couples counseling?

167

00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,119

This is the worst thing

that's ever happened to anyone.

168

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:38,190

Wives, huh?

He gets it.

169

00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,895

Hey there,

buckaroos!

170

00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,597

Who's ready for

some old-timey fun?

171

00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,999

I thought we could go down

to the old swimmin' hole

172

00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,267

and swim in a hole.

173

00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,236

Ugh.

That sounds lame.

174

00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,270

Who-whose hole is it?

175

00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,805

I'm potentially in.

176

00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,174

Grandpa, can I just

have my video games back?

177

00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,976

I want to play

Call of Duty.

178

00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,912

Oh, I've got the original

Call of Duty right here.

179

00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,782

It's called jacks.

180

00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,183

Got one!

181

00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,619

Will I get two?

Come get in on this.

182

00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,255

Wait, this-this game

is cleaning up toys?

183

00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,190

Carter, read the room.

They're not into it.

184

00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,458

All right,

fair enough.

185

00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,693

I just don't want

you kids sitting

186

00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,595

around here glued

to your screens.

187

00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,931

So let's get the blood pumping

with my Jack LaLanne record.

188

00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,768

(jaunty, light intro plays)

189

00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,203

Bend to the left.

190

00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,005

Bend to the right.

191

00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,507

Get the big spring.

192

00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,442

Stretch the

big spring.

193

00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,310

Stop to smoke.

194

00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,845

Get a big towel.

195

00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,514

Put it behind

your neck.

196

00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,449

Tuck it in

your shirt.

197

00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,217

Looks like boobs.

198

00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,952

Put on a wig.

199

00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,854

Dance with a man.

200

00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,456

Don't tell your wife.

201

00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,658

Take it to your grave.

202

00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,959

(music stops)

203

00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,227

Okay, good workout.

204

00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,796

I got to go call

somebody and hang up.

205

00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,403

All right, our first

counseling exercise will be

206

00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,640

speaking to each other

with "I feel" statements.

207

00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,141

Lois, please begin.

208

00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,578

(sighs) I feel

unappreciated,

209

00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,847

like you don't want

to spend time with me.

210

00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,551

Okay. I feel a numbness

radiating down my left arm.

211

00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:16,021

I feel like you should help

out more around the house.

212

00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,323

I feel like salty and

sweet.

213

00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,659

You got white chocolate

French fries?

214

00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,594

I feel like my cervix hurts.

215

00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,996

I feel pride.

216

00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,400

Okay, for our next exercise,

217

00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,569

let's play

The Oldlywed Game.

218

00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,672

(chuckles) Relax,

it's just a questionnaire.

219

00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,106

(laughs)

220

00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,241

Really?

221

00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,677

Whatever, I like

likin' things.

222

00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,779

Peter, when

is Lois's birthday?

223

00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,847

Uh, let's see, when

is Hitler's birthday?

224

00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,249

April 20.

225

00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,918

Wow. Okay, Noel.

Yikes.

226

00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,054

Joe, what is Bonnie's

favorite food?

227

00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,422

Well, she must like

ground glass,

228

00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,624

because I keep

finding it in my food.

229

00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,359

Cleveland...

Pass.

230

00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,795

Quagmire, what color

are Kimmie's eyes?

231

00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,897

Shaved.

Sor-sorry, what-what is it?

232

00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,498

What's the question?

233

00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,906

Okay, last night I did some

personality assessments

234

00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,108

based on yesterday's session,

and what I found

235

00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,610

was none of

you couples

236

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,279

are compatible with

each other at all.

237

00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,284

No, no, no, that's

not a good thing.

238

00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,653

But, interestingly,

you have high compatibility

239

00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,421

with other people

in this group.

240

00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,256

Oh, my God.

That is crazy.

241

00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,125

More mac and cheese.

Here, just keep it going.

242

00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,827

Keep it going... don't be

afraid of the burned edges.

243

00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:29,894

Just give me the tray.

244

00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,062

Wait, so what happened?

245

00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,931

Anyway, I'd like

to do an exercise.

246

00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,966

Just for the morning,

you'll all be paired

247

00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,501

with your

more compatible match.

248

00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,336

And hopefully,

you'll bring some lessons back

249

00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,905

from that experience

into your marriages.

250

00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,807

Okay, so the new

couple pairings

251

00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,909

are as follows:

Cleveland and Lois...

252

00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:48,747

Oh, cool! My FICO score

just went up a hundred points.

253

00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,582

...Quagmire

and Bonnie,

254

00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:52,150

Joe and Donna,

255

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,518

and Peter

and Kimmie.

256

00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,254

Yay! I win

couples counseling!

257

00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,990

(groans)

258

00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,129

Look at those

hairless shins.

259

00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,530

They're magnificent.

260

00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,165

Decades of black

dress socks

261

00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,634

have rendered them

smooth and mirror-like.

262

00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,936

Grandpa, what are we

even doing out here?

263

00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,838

Looking for shapes

in the clouds.

264

00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,341

That one looks

like the Thompson

Throat Lozenge girl!

265

00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,510

See? She's got the boater on

and everything!

266

00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,545

I'm bored. Can't we

do something else?

267

00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,447

Well, back when

I was your age,

268

00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,616

there was nothing better

than knocking on doors

269

00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:27,018

and throwing paper bags

full of flour at people.

270

00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,320

That's a thing?

What, flour facin'?

271

00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,956

It's the best thing!

We used it to keep Italians

272

00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,392

from going to the polls.

273

00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,564

Stay home today, Guido!

274

00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,299

(laughter)

275

00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,536

Yay! Old-fashioned things

are the best!

276

00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,806

(intro to "The Tide Is High"

playing)

277

00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,676

Every girl wants you

278

00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,212

To be her man

279

00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,314

But I'll wait, my dear

280

00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,184

Till it's my turn

281

00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,087

I'm not the kind of girl

282

00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:06,825

Who gives up just like that

283

00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,427

Oh, no.. .

284

00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,196

The tide is high

285

00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:14,232

But I'm holding on

286

00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,768

I'm gonna be your

287

00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,337

Number one

288

00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,372

Number

289

00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:24,209

One

290

00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,611

Number

291

00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:28,580

One

292

00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,015

(fading):

Num...

293

00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:33,384

So, this is the second vacation

that I've watched

294

00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:34,953

every Jurassic Park.

295

00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,255

Peter, you're awesome.

You're so funny.

296

00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,290

Hey, Kimmie, I'll pay you

a thousand dollars

297

00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,392

for one whole handful

of your butt.

298

00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,394

For two handfuls,

I'll give you my car.

299

00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,863

All right,

that's enough!

300

00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,297

I have had it, Peter!

301

00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,466

So, how are the new

pairings working out?

302

00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,468

Are you all gaining

lots of insights?

303

00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,870

No! I can see now

304

00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,105

that coming here

was a huge mistake!

305

00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,807

You're hopeless, Peter!

306

00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,475

Your feet look old.

307

00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,377

This retreat is over!

308

00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:02,347

Fire up the boat--

we're going home!

309

00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,317

Mrs. Griffin, please,

310

00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,786

I urge you to finish

the program.

311

00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:08,987

No, thank you.

312

00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,555

I never should've

come here.

313

00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,223

Or at least

not with him.

314

00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,792

Is there anything

I can do to change...

315

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,794

(gunfire)

316

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,162

(screaming)

317

00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,833

Oh, my God!

318

00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,668

We're taking this

island back.

319

00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,771

Yeah! Kill the whites!

Race war!

320

00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,039

(grunts

321

00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,142

Run! Everybody run!

322

00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,921

(gasps)

What the hell is happening?!

323

00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,856

Somebody do something!

324

00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:50,728

Look! We got to get

the attention of that plane!

325

00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,273

You got to help us!

326

00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,881

Man, those natives

are pissed!

327

00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,883

This is like

a full-blown revolution!

328

00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,619

Do you think me throwing

full sodas into the garbage

329

00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,921

had anything

to do with this?

330

00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,892

Quick!

Into the jungle!

331

00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,565

What are we gonna do?

332

00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,567

Wait a minute-- yesterday,

near the north beach,

333

00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,569

I saw a small

landing strip, giggity.

334

00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,539

It might be our best chance

to get off, giggity, the island.

335

00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,141

Did you really see that,

or was it just an excuse

336

00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,978

to say "giggity"?

I don't know, baby--

I'm crazy with the heat.

337

00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,512

Take your pants off.

338

00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,348

Oh, my God,

this is legit ridic.

339

00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:44,883

I got to post this.

340

00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,553

(laughs) Josh Radnor's

twitter feed is so funny!

341

00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,255

That's impossible.

342

00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,156

Geez, coming here

was a bad idea.

343

00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,159

Like when I brought

museum behavior into my home.

344

00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,896

(footsteps echoing)

345

00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,932

(echoing footsteps approaching)

346

00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:05,503

Excuse me, we do ask that

you don't touch anything.

347

00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,876

(imitating airplane engine)

348

00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,279

I got to say, Carter,

you've done a good job.

349

00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,080

We'd become slaves

to our electronics.

350

00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,116

But you know what

we're doing here?

351

00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,684

We're reclaiming

our lives.

352

00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,853

You're kind of an egghead,

aren't you, Brian?

353

00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:25,089

Vroom! Everyone on this plane

is wearing a suit.

354

00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,557

Say, that reminds me.

355

00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,693

Everyone,

time to dress for dinner.

356

00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,628

Ooh! I want to light

the candles, Pop-Pop!

357

00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,563

Oh, boy,

I haven't had this much fun

358

00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,866

since I played

with that Bubl wrap.

359

00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:37,068

MICHAEL BUBL-STYLE SINGER (with

each pop): I... just...

360

00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,237

Haven't met you yet

361

00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,405

Oh, cool!

362

00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,273

Your mom thinks of me

363

00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,208

When she's doing your dad

364

00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,610

What?

365

00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,046

Seriously,

I drive older woman nuts

366

00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,814

I can make your

367

00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,783

Mom and aunt kiss...

368

00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:55,019

This is a very skeevy

packing product.

369

00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,991

Oh, my God, this is bad.

370

00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,293

I know. If we die,

what's gonna happen

371

00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,128

to my mail?

What?

372

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,931

I'm just sayin',

how's the post office

supposed to know?

373

00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,500

And my DVR!

It'll be full in a week!

374

00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,302

I record Ellen every day!

375

00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,504

I know I shouldn't,

but whenever she dances,

376

00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,975

I'm like, "Go ahead,

girl, it's your world!"

377

00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,110

I heard she gay.

378

00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:22,347

Well, it seems like

we're pretty talked out.

379

00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:27,986

Thanks for changing your mind

about drowning me in that river.

380

00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,689

(phone rings)

381

00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,925

Hey. Did you see

those pictures of me

382

00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,860

doing duck lips

by a pool?

383

00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,929

I don't know,

some island.

384

00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:38,963

Shh!

385

00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,965

(rifles cocking)

386

00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,201

You rebel scum!

387

00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,635

(chuckles)

388

00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,372

Ah, you're too young.

You don't know.

389

00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,879

So, how did you guys

get captured?

390

00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,981

Quagmire screams

when he urinates.

391

00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,649

How about you?

392

00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,052

Cleveland kept stopping

to scratch his back on trees.

393

00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,854

Lois don't

do it right.

394

00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,155

Come here, baby.

395

00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,190

You need them Lee Press-Ons.

396

00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,126

Mmm. There it is.

397

00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,794

Mmm.

398

00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,164

Oh, Peter!

399

00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,999

I was so worried

about you.

400

00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:18,069

Lois, when we got captured,

I said, "You rebel scum,"

401

00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,071

and Kimmie didn't get it.

(laughs)

402

00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,172

That's funny!

403

00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,807

From The Star Wars!

404

00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:26,210

Well, just Star Wars.

But I missed you, sweetheart!

405

00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,346

Why are you doing this?

Let us go!

406

00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,349

Every year we have to deal

with you American tourists!

407

00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,585

Stuffing your slob faces,

taking video you'll never watch,

408

00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,889

and asking if I'm

the Captain Phillips guy.

409

00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,190

I'm not!

410

00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,225

Take the couples out,

two by two,

411

00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,994

and execute them.

412

00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,999

Oh, my God!

413

00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:51,469

Well, at least I ain't going out

with a itchy back.

414

00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,706

(two gunshots)

415

00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,241

Oh, no!

This is terrible!

416

00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,678

Now, now, maybe

they just shot Donna twice.

417

00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,014

Bonnie, quick,

lock my wheels!

418

00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:05,683

We don't have

to make it easy for 'em!

419

00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:13,291

JOE: Scuffin' up those floors

pretty good!

420

00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,626

(two gunshots)

421

00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,029

Boy, they're really

going at Donna.

422

00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,066

Any last words?

423

00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,768

Moist.

424

00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,238

(two gunshots)

425

00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,542

Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry

I lied to get you to come here.

426

00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,578

I should've been

honest with you.

427

00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,713

Please forgive me?

I do, Lois.

428

00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,715

I know you were just

trying to do something

429

00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,250

good for our marriage.

430

00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:42,620

And I'm sorry I've been

such a jerk about it.

431

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,955

I need you, Lois.

432

00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,423

I always will.

433

00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,725

And if I got to get shot

by ooga-booga people,

434

00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,660

I want it to happen

with you.

435

00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,395

Oh, Peter.

436

00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,135

(both grunt)

437

00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,504

I love you so much, Lois.

438

00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,172

I love you,

too, Peter.

439

00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,107

Lois, I think

you should know,

440

00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,910

I never cared for your

most recent haircut.

441

00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,746

Peter, I've had the same

haircut for 20 years.

442

00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,081

We're ready now.

443

00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,883

(two gunshots)

444

00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,457

Congratulations,

Griffins-- you did it!

445

00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,659

You've successfully

completed the program.

446

00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,027

What?!

What?!

447

00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:25,363

(whooping, cheering)

448

00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:28,199

We just found out, too!

The whole thing was staged.

449

00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,535

Noel dying,

the uprising, all of it.

450

00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,304

Oh-ho, that's what they

meant on their Web site:

451

00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,140

"Staged Revolution

Marital Counseling."

452

00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,142

It all makes sense.

453

00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,611

(happy shouts)

454

00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,346

Yes, sorry to deceive you all,

455

00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,515

but we find that when couples

don't respond

456

00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,218

to traditional counseling,

the stress of extreme danger

457

00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,054

reminds them of what

matters most in their lives--

458

00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,123

their love for each other.

459

00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,158

I feel like I

should be mad, but...

460

00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,359

I guess you're right.

461

00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,361

Lois and I have

never felt closer.

462

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,864

And I did get

to kill a guy.

What?!

463

00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,465

Thanks for

everything, Noel.

464

00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,934

(slurps)

465

00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,306

Well, kids,

it's Dyngus Day.

466

00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,074

Here are your

pussy willow branches.

467

00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,243

Find your sweetie

and give her a tap.

468

00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,313

Looks like I found

my sweetie.

469

00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,581

Oh, sarsaparilla!

470

00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,549

I was going to take

sister!

471

00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,651

Hey, you little rats.

472

00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,553

All right, Lois, let's

just leave our bags here

473

00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,989

and wonder where our clothes

are for the next two days.

474

00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,357

How was your trip, Father?

475

00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,092

We've prepared

a song for you.

476

00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,327

Nope.

477

00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,395

Oh, boy, it's nice

to be home.

478

00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,365

Sure is, Lois.

Now, shush. TV.

479

00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,167

Television?

How pathetic.

480

00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:37,835

Yeah. You

know where

481

00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:40,204

the most interesting

stuff is, Dad?

482

00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,939

The human hat.

483

00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,108

TV ANNOUNCER:

We now return

to Police Chases...

484

00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:47,345

No, thank you-- we are

a screen-free family.

485

00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,213

...That End in Fire.

486

00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,582

(bleep)

That's awesome!

487

00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,186

(groans)

488

00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:58,356

Nobody look at him,

and maybe he'll just leave.

489

00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,258

Good job, people.

490

00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,493

Captioned by

Media

Access Group at WGBH