Expression: Speak for Yourself With Clarity and Power

Christina A. PascucciNovember 8, 2011

Activity – Origami SailboatWhy do you think that each of you did not

end up with a sailboat?

Activity – Origami Sailboat Why do you think that each of you

did not end up with a sailboat?

Responses from EOP Session: We were racing when folding We weren’t listening very good Directions were no specific Directions went too fast Not very specific Not enough time to fold Questions were not allowed Not right rules Monotone directions Needed more clarity with how and

how far to fold Could have heard directions again

We were not corrected when doing it wrong

It would have been helpful for you to do it along with us

Confusing directions More specific directions needed Needed a visual demonstration Unclear directions with how to fold No one to cheat off of Directions were confusing at

triangle part Got lost at triangle part Instructions needed to be more

clear It would have been helpful for you

to do it with us I suck at origami and folding in

general

Origami Sailboat – Take 2Why do you think there was such a difference

in the outcome from the first time to the second time?

Origami Sailboat – Take 2There was more interactionWent slowerDid it with usThe visualSlower and better direct

ordersSomeone to followVisualAble to ask questionsDemonstrated what should

be doneDirections were betterSlower

Got to see it explained betterRepeated parts of instructions

if we were still workingThe visual for confused peopleHelped peopleSpoke instructions clearlyThe clear directionsDid it along with us; did it

step by step If we were doing it correctly,

you stopped us and helped me out

The directions were clearer

Questions for EOP: Why do you think speaking with clarity

and power is important? Where do you think skills in this area

will come in handy? What is a time where you message was

not communicated well and you could have expressed yourself more clearly

or in a more powerful way?

Clear Expression? Legally Blonde - Break Up Scene

What did you notice within this clip?

Expression: Step 1

Find Your Sense of Entitlement:

Your views and feelings = legitimate, valuable, and important

Failing to express can damage and detach relationships

Feel entitled and encouraged, but not obligated.

Your Responses If you are not expressing yourself than the “relationship”

is one-sided and not a connection. …if you don’t express yourself, you don’t really have a

voice in the relationship. (Have no control in relationship) …that you only exist in a “relationship” as a space filler…

becoming nonexistent. …only when you express yourself are you an active

member in a relationship… simply existing and there isn’t actually a relationship because there is no exchange.

…that you do not have a backbone to stand up for yourself, but also it means that you must feel intimidated, unsyre, or not really into the relationship.

EXPRESSION: STEP 2 Start with What Matters Most – What’s most

important to you to say? Say What You Mean – Don’t Make Others Guess

EXPRESSION: STEP 2 Don’t Relay on Subtext:

Bringing up messages indirectly through: jokes, question, offhand comments, or body language

May be passive or passive-aggressive communication

Find direct way of saying what is on your mindPeople cannot read minds

Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess? Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack. Cher: It's faux.

EXPRESSION: STEP 2 Avoid Easing In:

Indirect hints and leading questions Often increases anxiety and defensiveness Recipient conjures up different message than

was intended Make subject clear and discussable Be interested in hearing their side/view/ideas/etc

• How might you start a conversation without easing in (in regards to evaluation)?

Major Miscommunication Abbott & Costello

What caused confusion here?

Can lead to aggression

Others issues: using jargon, acronyms unknown to all, not being detailed in description

EXPRESSION: STEP 2 Don’t Make it Simplistic – Use the “Me-Me

And” Simplicity ---> incomplete messages Me-Me And – Connects 2 aspects of thoughts Example: I think you are bright and talented, and I think you are not working hard enough.

Use instead of but Me-Me And = helpful to avoid misunderstanding

• Have you ever done this?

Expression Guidelines Opinion vs. Fact

“My brothers are pains in the butt, therefore brothers in general are as well.”

Share Where Thoughts/Ideas Came From “As the product of a single parent home growing

up…”

Don’t Exaggerate with “Always” and “Never” “You never listen to me!”

Help Others Understand You Different people take in information

differently Ask others to paraphrase back to

you to ensure understanding Ask how they see it differently – and

why Communication is back and forth –

involves speaking AND listening

Other Relevant Responses I have been too simplistic in talking to people recently.

“Say what you mean and mean what you say.” This is the only way that people will take you seriously.

After I did it, I realized that I did not have to ease in anything.

…relying on subtext or easing into something is avoiding the actual message.

…where miscommunication happens and people are left to decipher meaning instead of the message being communicated properly and thoroughly in the first place.

…we keep the conversation very simplistic thus sending a different meaning than what we should.

…when becoming overly emotional about something to step back and evaluate…

…stopping and considering…

Scenarios Using these techniques:

How would you fire someone?

How would you break up with someone?

How would you show interest in someone?