Upload
vudat
View
220
Download
0
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
Examples of the Standards for
Students’ Writing 2010
English Language Arts Grade 3
• Narrative Writing
Contacts
Learner Assessment Achievement Testing Unit
Phone 780-427-0010OR toll-free 310-0000, then dial or ask for 780-427-0010FAX 780-422-4474
E-mail Addresses
Director Ken Marcellus [email protected] Manager Deanna Wiens [email protected] Julia Lee-Schuppli [email protected]
Other Information
Do you need information on the Achievement Testing Program?
Follow these steps for easy access to our website:
Step 1: Type education.alberta.caStep 2: Click on the tab labelled TeachersStep 3: Scroll down to Additional Programs and ServicesStep 4: Click on Provincial TestingStep 5: Scroll down to Achievement Tests and click on it
On the Achievement Tests web page, there is a specific link to Subject Bulletins that provide students and teachers with information about the achievement tests scheduled for the current school year. Please share the contents of the Grade 3 English Language Arts Subject Bulletin—particularly the sample questions, writing assignments, and scoring criteria—with your students.
There is a specific link on this web page to Examples of the Standards for Students’ Writing. These documents contain examples of student writing that meets or exceeds the acceptable standard for student achievement on Part A: Writing of the 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010 Grade 3 English Language Arts achievement tests. These samples are intended to be used to enhance students’ writing and to assist teachers in assessing student writing relative to the standards embedded in the scoring criteria in the scoring guides. The Additional Resources link will enable you to access the one-page version of the Grade 3 English Language Arts (Narrative) Scoring Guide.
Copyright 2010, the Crown in Right of Alberta, as represented by the Minister of Education, Alberta Education, Learner Assessment, 44 Capital Boulevard, 10044 108 Street NW, Edmonton, Alberta T5J 5E6, and its licensors. All rights reserved.
Duplication of this document in any manner or its use for purposes other than those authorized and scheduled by Alberta Education is strictly prohibited.
Table of Contents
Introduction ..................................................................................................................... 1
Maintaining Consistent Standards ................................................................................... 2
Local Marking .................................................................................................................. 3
Scoring ............................................................................................................................. 4
Scoring Guides ................................................................................................................ 5
Part A: Writing—Description and Instructions .............................................................. 10
Narrative Writing Assignment ......................................................................................... 11
Student Exemplar Satisfactory (A) .................................................................................. 12
Rationale for Student Exemplar Satisfactory (A) ............................................................ 15
Student Exemplar Satisfactory (B) .................................................................................. 16
Rationale for Student Exemplar Satisfactory (B) ............................................................ 21
Student Exemplar Satisfactory (C) .................................................................................. 22
Rationale for Student Exemplar Satisfactory (C) ............................................................ 28
Student Exemplar Proficient (A) ...................................................................................... 29
Rationale for Student Exemplar Proficient (A) ................................................................ 33
Student Exemplar Proficient (B) ...................................................................................... 34
Rationale for Student Exemplar Proficient (B) ................................................................ 38
Student Exemplar Excellent (A) ...................................................................................... 39
Rationale for Student Exemplar Excellent (A) ................................................................ 43
Student Exemplar Excellent (B) ...................................................................................... 44
Rationale for Student Exemplar Excellent (B) ................................................................ 48
Credits .............................................................................................................................. 49
1
Introduction
To provide each paper with the most accurate and impartial judgment possible, use only the scoring criteria and the standards set by the Exemplars and Rationales. Each student is a person trying to do his or her very best. All students are completely reliant on your careful, professional consideration of their work.
Markers are responsible for
reviewing and internalizing the scoring criteria and applying them to student writing•
applying the scoring criteria impartially, independently, and consistently to • all papers
refraining from marking a response if personal biases—such as the student’s •handwriting, development of topic, idiosyncrasies of voice, and/or political or religious preference—interfere with an impartial judgment of the response
ensuring that every paper is scored•fairly•according to the scoring criteria•in accordance with the standards reflected in the Exemplars and Rationales•
The scores awarded to student papers must be based solely on the scoring criteria and reference to the Exemplars and Rationales. Fairness to all students is the most important requirement of the marking process.
Please feel free to contact one of the Learner Assessment staff members to discuss any questions or concerns.
2
Maintaining Consistent Standards
For all achievement test scoring sessions, working groups of teachers for Exemplar Selection, Exemplar Validation, and Standards Confirmation are used to establish expectations for student work in relation to the scoring criteria and to ensure that scoring is consistent within and between marking sessions. These working groups ensure that marks are valid, reliable, and fair measures of student achievement.
Exemplar Selection Working GroupThe Exemplar Selection Working Group is composed of experienced teachers from various regions of the province. Working-group members read a large sample of students’ written responses to the various picture prompts that have been tested. Then the teachers select the picture prompt for the written portion of the Grade Three Provincial Achievement Test for the following year. They also select responses that best match the standards established in the Exemplars and Rationales from the previous marking session. The working group then writes rationales that explain the relationship between each Exemplar and the scoring criteria in each scoring category.
Exemplar Validation Working GroupThe Exemplar Validation Working Group is composed of experienced teachers from various provincial regions, and it reviews and approves the Exemplars and Rationales that have been prepared for markers. The working group ensures that the Rationales accurately reflect the descriptors in the Scoring Guide and verifies that appropriate and accurate references have been made to student work. Working-group members also strive to ensure that there is clarity within the Rationales.
Standards Confirmation Working GroupTeachers from throughout the province who serve on the Standards Confirmation Working Group read a large sample of students’ written responses to confirm the appropriateness of the standards set by the Exemplars selected from the field tests when compared with actual student work on the Achievement Test. The working-group ensures that the Exemplars and Rationales are appropriate for central marking, and working group members also select student responses that are to be used for daily Reliability Reviews. Once a day, all markers score a copy of the same paper so that inter-rater reliability is maintained. Reliability Reviews confirm that all markers are consistently awarding scores that accurately reflect the standards embedded in the scoring criteria.
Working Groups for Exemplar Selection, Exemplar Validation, and Standards Confirmation are part of a complex set of processes that have evolved over the years of achievement test administration. They are crucial to ensuring that standards are consistently and fairly applied to student work.
3
Local Marking
Classroom teachers can mark students’ writing using the scoring guides in this document before returning the tests to Alberta Education. All papers are marked centrally in Edmonton in July.
To support local marking, Exemplars of students’ writing and the corresponding Rationales in this document exemplify the scoring criteria. These Exemplars are not to be shared with students and must be returned to Alberta Education with the tests.
Scores awarded locally can be submitted to Alberta Education and will be used as the first reading of a student’s response. Local markers are to use the For Teacher Use Only section on the back of the Part A: Writing test booklet to record their scores by filling in the appropriate circles. The School Code and Accommodations Used sections should also be completed. If a teacher wants to know how locally awarded scores compare with the scores the tests receive when marked centrally, he or she must also fill in the ID Number. Each teacher creates and then records a personal ID number in the area provided on the back of each student’s booklet. No two teachers from the same school should use the same ID number. No other marks are to be made on the test booklet by the teacher.
Tests are to be returned to Alberta Education according to the scheduling information in the online General Information Bulletin. The tests will then be marked centrally by Alberta Education as the second reading. Both sets of scores are used when calculating each student’s final mark. In the case of a discrepancy between these two sets of scores, papers will be adjudicated by a third reading, which will determine the final scores that a paper is awarded. In this way, valid and reliable individual and group results can be reported. Papers that are not marked locally by teachers will be marked centrally only once.
After central marking has been completed and school reports have been sent to the schools, teachers who submitted their scores with an ID number will receive a confidential report on their marking. This report is called the Local Marker Report and includes the locally awarded scores, third-read scores if applicable, and the final scores assigned.
Teachers may make photocopies of students’ writing from only the English Language Arts Part A: Writing tests for inclusion in portfolios of the year’s work. Copies can be made for parents who request them.
4
Scoring
To determine a student’s mark, convert the word descriptors to the following numeric values:
Excellent = 5Proficient = 4Satisfactory = 3Limited = 2Poor = 1
Use the following information to assign the score for each student’s test.
Assign a score of 1 to 5 for each of 1. content, organization, sentence structure, vocabulary, and conventions.Multiply the scores for 2. content and organization by 2, as these categories are worth twice as much as the other categories.
Maximum score possible for Narrative Writing = 35
The mark for Part A: Writing is worth 50% of the total mark for the Grade 3 English Language Arts Achievement Test
Teachers may make a photocopy of a student’s writing from the English Language Arts Part A: Writing test for inclusion in a portfolio of the year’s work. Copies can also be made for parents who request them.
5
Scoring Guides
Content
Focus
When marking Content appropriate for Grade 3 writing, the marker should consider how effectively the writer
• establishestherelationshipbetweenevents,actions,andthecontext(situation)• usesspecificdetails• demonstratesthereader/writerrelationship(voice)
Excellent
E
• Events,actions,and/orideasarecreativeandareconsistentwiththecontext established by the writer.
• Detailsarepreciseandconsistentlyeffective.• Thewritingisconfident,holdsthereader’sinterest,andpresentsa
well-supported main idea.
Proficient
Pf
• Events,actions,and/orideasareintentionallychosenandareappropriate for the context established by the writer.
• Detailsarespecificandgenerallyeffective.• Thewritingispurposeful,drawsthereader’sinterest,andpresentsa
supported main idea.
Satisfactory
S
• Events,actions,and/orideasaregenerallyappropriateforthecontext established by the writer.
• Detailsaregeneralandmaybepredictable,butareappropriate.• Thewritingisstraightforwardandgenerallyholdsthereader’s
interest and provides some support for a main idea.
Limited
L
• Events,actions,and/orideasarevagueandmaynotbeappropriatefor the context established by the writer.
• Detailsarefewand/ormayberepetitive.• Thewritingisambiguous,itdoesnotholdthereader’sinterest,and
the main idea is inadequately developed.
Poor
P• Events,actions,and/orideasareundevelopedand/orinappropriate.• Detailsarescant.• Thewritingisconfusingand/orfrustratingforthereader,andamain
idea is lacking.
Insufficient
INS• Themarkercandiscernnoevidenceofanattempttofufillthe
assignment, or the writing is so deficient in length that it is not possible to assess content.
Note: Content and Organization are weighted to be worth twice as much as each of the other categories.
6
Organization
Focus
When marking Organization appropriate for Grade 3 writing, the marker should consider how effectively the writer
introduces the response•establishes the connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, and/or •charactersbrings closure to the writing•
Excellent
E
The beginning is purposeful and effectively establishes events, •characters, and/or setting, and provides direction for the writing.Connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, •and/or characters are developed and consistently maintained.The ending effectively ties events and/or actions together. •
Proficient
Pf
The beginning clearly establishes events, characters, and/or setting, •and provides direction for the writing.Connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, •and/or characters are maintained.The ending clearly provides an appropriate finish for events and/or •actions.
Satisfactory
S
The beginning directly presents information about events, •characters, and/or setting.Connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, •and/or characters are generally maintained.The ending is predictable and/or may be contrived but is connected •to events and/or actions.
Limited
L
The beginning presents information about events, characters, and/or •setting but lacks direction.Connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, •and/or characters are unclear or inconsistent.The ending is predictable and/or contrived. •
Poor
PThe beginning provides little information and/or is ineffective.•Connections and/or relationships between events, actions, details, •and/or characters are missing.The ending, if present, is unconnected to the events and/or actions. •
Insufficient
INSThe writing has been awarded an INS for • Content.
Note: Content and Organization are weighted to be worth twice as much as each of the other categories.
7
Sentence Structure
Focus
When marking Sentence Structure appropriate for Grade 3 writing, the marker should consider how effectively the writer
controls sentence structure•uses different sentence patterns and lengths•uses a variety of sentence beginnings•
The length and complexity of response must be considered.
Excellent
ESentence structure is consistently controlled.•Sentence type and length are varied and effective.•Sentence beginnings are consistently varied.•
Proficient
PfSentence structure is controlled.•Sentence type and length are usually varied and effective.•Sentence beginnings are often varied.•
Satisfactory
SSentence structure is generally controlled but may occasionally •impede meaning.Sentences may vary in type and length.•Some variety of sentence beginnings is evident.•
Limited
LSentence structure is sometimes lacking control, and this often •impedes meaning.There is little variation in sentence type and/or length.•There is little variety of sentence beginnings.•
Poor
PThought units are difficult to recognize, and this severely impedes •meaning.There is no variation in sentence type and/or length.•There is no variety of sentence beginnings. •
Insufficient
INSThe writing has been awarded an INS for • Content.
Note: Content and Organization are weighted to be worth twice as much as each of the other categories.
8
Vocabulary
Focus
When marking Vocabulary appropriate for Grade 3 writing, the marker should consider the extent to which the writer uses
words appropriately•expressions effectively•words and expressions together to enhance the writing•
The length and complexity of response must be considered.
Excellent
EWell-chosen words are used effectively.•Expressions are consistently precise and effective.•Words and expressions are used to create vivid images and enhance •the writing.
Proficient
PfWell-chosen words are often used.•Expressions are usually specific and effective.•Words and expressions are descriptive and often enhance •the writing.
Satisfactory
SWords chosen tend to be common or ordinary.•Expressions are usually more general than specific.•Words and expressions sometimes enhance the writing.•
Limited
LWords used indicate a lack of vocabulary.•Expressions are simplistic and/or ineffective.•Words and expressions are basic and may detract from the writing.•
Poor
PWords chosen are sometimes inappropriate and/or misused.•Expressions are misused or missing.•Words and expressions are simple and/or inadequate.•
Insufficient
INSThe writing has been awarded an INS for • Content.
Note: Content and Organization are weighted to be worth twice as much as each of the other categories.
9
Conventions
Focus
When marking Conventions appropriate for Grade 3 writing, the marker should consider the extent to which the writer
uses end punctuation and capitalization•controls spelling•controls the usage of language and the clarity of communication•
Proportion of error to length and complexity of response must be considered.
Excellent
E
End punctuation and capitalization are correct.•Most words, familiar and unfamiliar, are spelled correctly; spelling •errors are understandable “slips.”Errors that are present do not affect the clarity or effectiveness of •communication.
Proficient
PfEnd punctuation and capitalization are essentially correct.•Familiar words are spelled correctly; spelling errors are “slips”; •unfamiliar words may be spelled phonetically.Errors that are present rarely affect the clarity of communication. •
Satisfactory
S
Conventional end punctuation and capitalization are usually correct.•Many familiar words are spelled correctly; errors suggest uneven •control of spelling rules; unfamiliar words are generally spelled phonetically.Errors are sometimes intrusive and may affect the clarity of •communication.
Limited
LEnd punctuation and capitalization, when present, are inconsistent.•Many familiar words are misspelled and/or spelled phonetically.•Errors interfere with the clarity of communication. •
Poor
P
There is little, if any, evidence that the writer understands correct •use of end punctuation and capitalization.Words may be difficult to discern and are generally spelled •phonetically.Communication is not clear. •
Insufficient
INSThe writing has been awarded an INS for • Content.
Note: Content and Organization are weighted to be worth twice as much as each of the other categories.
10
Grade 3 Achievement Test
English Language Arts
Part A: Writing
Description
For this test, you will have 10 minutes for discussion and 60 minutes for planning and writing. You may take up to 30 extra minutes to complete the test if you need more time.
Instructions
•Followalongasyourteacherreadsaloudtheinstructionsonpage1.
•Talkwithyourclassmatesaboutthepictureingroupsoftwotofour, or think about it by yourself.
•Planyourwritingonpage2inwhicheverwayyouchoose(web,list,pictures, etc.).
•Printorwriteyourbest story as neatly as you can. Begin on page 3.
•Whenyouhavefinished,check your work carefully and correct any mistakes.
•Youmayuseapublisheddictionaryandathesaurus.
•Youdonothavetofillallthepageswithwriting.Ifyouneedmorepages,ask your teacher.
Additional Instructions for Students Using Word Processors
•Formatyourworkusinganeasy-to-read 12-point or larger font such as Times.
•Double-spaceyourfinalcopy.
•Stapleyourfinalprintedworktothepageindicatedforword-processedwork.
2010
Part A: Writing—Description and Instructions
11
Look carefully at the picture.
Using the picture, write a story.
ELA6_09 Writing prompt Ron Lightburn CMYK(Digital photograph taken of transparecy film reproduction of original image.
Image by Ron Lightburn.)When writing your story, be sure to
•use the picture•consider your audience•focus on your purpose•organize your ideas•use vocabulary that is interesting and descriptive
Narrative Writing Assignment
Dri
ftw
ood
Cov
e ill
ustr
atio
n by
Ron
Lig
htbu
rn, u
sed
with
per
mis
sion
12
Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (A)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
15
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (A)Title of Paper: The Magic floor
Reporting Category
S
ContentS Events• , actions, and ideas are generally appropriate for the context
established by the writer (A boy and girl are in the house when lightning hits it, they get scared and they hide until their parents get home and the storm ends).
S Details• are general and may be predictable but are appropriate (“doing nothing at all,” “Th floor started to act up,” and “the girl got scared”).
S The • writing is straightforward and generally holds the reader’s interest and provides some support for a main idea.
S
OrganizationS The • beginning directly presents information about events, characters,
and setting (“One stormy Afternoon. A boy and a girl were siting aroud”).S Connections• and relationships between events, actions, details, and
characters are generally maintained (children are in the house, lightning hits it, they get scared, they hide under the floor).
S The • ending is predictable but is connected to events and actions (“They hide inside until there mom and DaD got home. The storm finish”).
L
Sentence StructureS Sentence • structure is generally controlled but may occasionally impede
the meaning (“Then he open the litte by little then the floor was wide open.”).
L There is • little variation in sentence type and length.L There is • little variety of sentence beginnings (“One,” “A,” and “The”).
Complexity of response must be considered.
S
VocabularyS Words• chosen tend to be common or ordinary (“stormy,” “scared,” and
“Back up”).S Expressions• are usually more general than specific (“BOOM!” and “A
flash of lightning”).S Words• and expressions sometimes enhance the writing (“Th floor
started to act up,” and “moved closer. and closer By the minuted”).
L
ConventionsL End punctuation• and capitalization are inconsistent.S Many familiar words• are spelled correctly; errors suggest uneven
control of spelling rules; unfamiliar words are generally spelled phonetically (“siting” for “sitting” and “aroud” for “around”).
L Errors• interfere with the clarity of communication.Complexity of response must be considered.
16
Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (B)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
21
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (B)
Title of Paper: The door
Reporting Category
S
ContentS Events• , actions, and ideas are generally appropriate for the context
established by the writer (two children move to a new house, find a treehouse in their backyard, and have an adventure).
S Details• are general and may be predictable but are appropriate (the children open a door and it shuts behind them).
S The • writing is straightforward and generally holds the reader’s interest and provides some support for a main idea (two children get trapped in another world and must find their way home).
S
OrganizationS The • beginning directly presents information about events, characters,
and setting (“A long time ago two kids Bob and Jane moved in to a new house”).
S Connections• and relationships between events, actions, details, and characters are generally maintained (they go through a door in the treehouse to a new world, find some equipment, get locked in, and use the equipment to escape).
S The • ending is contrived but is connected to events and actions (they fell out of the gutter, ran home, and then they made the treehouse their hide out).
S
Sentence StructureS Sentence • structure is generally controlled.S Sentences • may vary in type and length (“They found nothing but another
door” and “The kids started wondering around”).S Some variety• of sentence beginnings is evident (“Thats When,” “Then
Jane,” and “The next day”).
SVocabulary
S Words• chosen tend to be common or ordinary (“opend” and “found”).S Expressions• are usually more general than specific (“long time ago” and
“like another world”).S Words• and expressions sometimes enhance the writing (“giante guter”).
S
ConventionsS Conventional end punctuation • is usually correct.S Many familiar words• are spelled correctly; errors suggest uneven
control of spelling rules; (“opend” for “opened”); unfamiliar words are generally spelled phonetically (“scoupa” for “scuba” and “equipent” for “equipment”).
S Errors• are sometimes intrusive and may affect the clarity of communication.
22
Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (C)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
28
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Satisfactory (C)
Title of Paper: The Mysterose hole
Reporting Category
S
ContentS Events• , actions, and ideas are generally appropriate for the context established
by the writer (a family goes to a lakeside cabin, there is a storm, the lights go out, two children fall into a hole in the floor, they tour an underground animal palace, their parents rescue them, they eat dinner, and then they play).
S Details• are general and may be predictable but are appropriate (“she had friends,” “loved watching the races,” “the kids got scared and hudled,” “beatles came out,” “boa up leaning agianst the wall” and “tied it to ther wastes”).
S The • writing is straightforward and generally holds the reader’s interest and provides some support for a main idea (children go to cabin, explore an underground world, are found by their parents, and then play with their friends).
S
OrganizationS The • beginning directly presents information about events, characters, and
setting (“One day a family went to a cabin near a lake”).S Connections• and relationships between events, actions, details, and characters
are generally maintained (during a storm the cabin floor breaks revealing a hole, the children fall through it into an underground animal palace, their parents rescue them).
S The • ending is predictable but is connected to events and actions (after the children are rescued they eat and then go play with their friends).
S
Sentence StructureS Sentence • structure is generally controlled.S Sentences • may vary in type and length (“They loved going ther every weekend,”
“‘Are we there wet?,’” and “There mom and dad laghed so hard they fell on the ground”).
S Some variety• of sentence beginnings is evident (“The parents,” “When they” and “After dinner”).
S
VocabularyS Words• chosen tend to be common or ordinary (“loved,”, “ran,” “found,” and
“scared” ).S Expressions• are usually more general than specific (“ran around like
manieakes” and “got scared and hudled”).S Words• and expressions sometimes enhance the writing (“always unpatoint” and
“crack and a creck”).
S
ConventionsS Conventional end punctuation• and capitalization are usually correct.S Many familiar words• are spelled correctly; errors suggest uneven control of
spelling rules; unfamiliar words are generally spelled phonetically (“ther” for “there,” “hourses” for “horses,” and “bearies” for “berries”).
S Errors• are sometimes intrusive and may affect the clarity of communication.
29
Student Exemplar—Proficient (A)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
33
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Proficient (A)
Title of Paper: How to Get Rid of A Troll
Reporting Category
Pf
ContentPf Events• , actions, and/or ideas are intentionally chosen and are appropriate
for the context established by the writer (twin brothers find a book inside a hollow tree, enter a passageway to a magical world, find a troll’s lair full of jewels, and use the spell from the book to destroy the troll).
Pf Details• are specific and generally effective (“went into a hallow tree,” “The book told the boys about moster weaknesses and moster strenths”).
Pf The • writing is purposeful, draws the reader’s interest, and presents a supported main idea.
Pf
OrganizationPf The • beginning clearly establishes events, characters, and setting, and
provides direction for the writing. (the twins go to retrieve a ball in a hollow tree and find a book).
Pf Connections• and relationships between events, actions, details, and/or characters are maintained (the boys open the book, see a map, find a hole to the magical world, discover a troll, and turn it into a clump of ashes).
Pf The • ending clearly provides an appropriate finish for events and actions (they come back to their world, bury the book, and never return to the magical world).
Pf
Sentence StructurePf Sentence • structure is controlled.Pf Sentence • type and length are usually varied and effective (“‘Good going
bubble Brain,’” “‘Hey I found something!’,” and “Just a secend after the boys spell left thier mouths the troll turned into a clump of ashes”).
Pf Sentence • beginnings are often varied. (“Soon they had the feeling,” “As if on cue,” and “Once they were out”).
Pf
VocabularyPf Well-chosen• words are often used (“befirend,” “passageway,” and “lair”).Pf Expressions• are usually specific and effective (“‘I am not a bubble
brain!’” and “‘Well thats the end of that’”).Pf Words• and expressions are descriptive and often enhance the writing (“…
troll begone troll be quick you will be turnend into ashes quick”).
Pf
ConventionsPf End punctuation• and capitalization are essentially correct.S Many familiar words• are spelled correctly; errors suggest uneven control
of spelling rules; (“wold” for “world,” “rememberd” for “remembered,” and “recalld” for “recalled,”; unfamiliar words are generally spelled phonetically (“entideld” for “entitled” and “erlier” for “earlier”).
Pf Errors• that are present rarely affect the clarity of communication.
34
Student Exemplar—Proficient (B)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
38
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Proficient (B)
Title of Paper: The new secret house
Reporting Category
Pf
ContentPf Events• , actions, and ideas are intentionally chosen and are appropriate
for the context established by the writer (children hear gunshots, find a house, animals are trapped under the floor, rescue the animals, and play with the animals).
Pf Details• are specific and generally effective (“ran towards the sound,” “It looked filthy and old,” and “The writing was messy”).
Pf The • writing is purposeful, draws the reader’s interest, and presents a supported main idea.
Pf
OrganizationPf The • beginning clearly establishes events, characters, and setting, and
provides direction for the writing (the children hear gunshots, go towards the direction of the sound, they find a house).
Pf Connections• and relationships between events, actions, details, and characters are maintained (the children discover and enter a house, they find and read a note, they see evidence of the gunshots they heard, then they rescue the animals).
Pf The • ending clearly provides an appropriate finish for events and actions (they play with the animals and their friends).
Pf
Sentence StructurePf Sentence • structure is controlled.Pf Sentence • type and length are usually varied and effective (“Let’s make
it our new secret house!” and “Jack stomped”).Pf Sentence • beginnings are often varied (“Do you hear,” “The two kids
ran,” and “They knocked first”).
Pf
VocabularyPf Well-chosen words• are often used (“gasped,” “exclaimed,” and
“actually”)Pf Expressions• are usually specific and effective (“No one was there!”
“‘Nah, it’s too, too old,’”).Pf Words• and expressions are descriptive and often enhance the writing
(“Help us! Help us!” and “‘Don’t worry. I’m just going down to save the animals.’”)
EConventions
E End punctuation• and capitalization are correct.E Most words• , familiar and unfamiliar, are spelled correctly.E Errors• that are present do not affect the clarity of communication.
39
Student Exemplar—Excellent (A)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
43
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Excellent (A)
Title of Paper: “The House by the Pond”
Reporting Category
E
ContentPf Events• , actions, and ideas are intentionally chosen and are appropriate for the
context established by the writer (two children are enticed into an empty house that is near a pond, they hear a jingling sound which leads them to a treasure and they take it and run home).
E Details• are precise and consistently effective (“beautiful swans gracefuly swimming,” “A miniature, old, rundown house,” and “David walked in a circle”).
E The • writing is confident, holds the reader’s interest, and presents a well-supported main idea.
E
OrganizationE The • beginning is purposeful and effectively establishes events, characters, and
setting, and provides direction for the writing. (“And the two dashed out the door of their house toward the pond,” and “The kids looked up, there on the other side of the pond was a house”).
E Connections• and relationships between events (they find an old house, go inside, and find treasure), actions (“David opened the door,” “Alex walked further in the house,” and “Together the two lifted the board”), details (“she heard the jingling noise again”), and characters (“So Alex and David bolted around the pond”) are developed and consistently maintained.
Pf The • ending clearly provides an appropriate finish for events and actions (“So the two took the treasure and ran home and told their parents all about their adventure”).
E
Sentence StructureE Sentence • structure is consistently controlled.E Sentence • type and length are varied and effective (“‘Come on.’ Said David” and
“But then, the leaves stopped circling the kids, and insted went strate ahead of them”).
E Sentence • beginnings are consistently varied (“David and Alex,” “All he saw,” and “Maybe if,”
E
VocabularyE Well-chosen words• are used effectively (“amazment,” “miniature,” “scaned,” and
“redecorate”).Pf Expressions• are usually specific and effective. (“dashed out the door,” “‘Let’s get a
closer look’,” and “Wow”).E Words• and expressions are used to create vivid images and enhance the writing.
(“the calm, peaceful water,” “the leaves dance,” and “didn’t see anything unusuall”).
EConventions
E End punctuation• and capitalization are correct. E Most words• , familiar and unfamiliar, are spelled correctly; spelling errors are
understandable “slips” (“bugsray” for “bugspray” and “jewled” for “jeweled”).E Errors• that are present do not affect the clarity or effectiveness of communication.
44
Student Exemplar—Excellent (B)
Driftwood Cove illustration by Ron Lightburn, used with permission
48
Rationale for Student Exemplar—Excellent (B)
Title of Paper: “The Treehouse Animals”
Reporting Category
E
ContentE Events• , actions, and ideas are creative and are consistent with the context
established by the writer (two children visit their grandparents, climb up to their treehouse, go through a trap door, have an adventure, and return home safely).
E Details• are precise and consistently effective (“gazillions of trees,” “flung open the door,” and “both of their jaws hit the ground”).
E The • writing is confident, holds the reader’s interest, and presents a well-supported main idea.
E
OrganizationE The • beginning is purposeful and effectively establishes events, characters, and
setting, and provides direction for the writing. (“Joe and Annie were going to their grandparents house in California” and “Their grandparents lived in the country side, so that explained why there were so many trees”).
E Connections• and relationships between events (climbed up the ladder into the treehouse, went through door into animal world and had an interesting adventure), actions (“Without thinking the two of them went down the door” and “Suddenly a cheetah picked them up”), details (“After what felt like a million hours”), and characters (“‘The only reason we saw those animals is because we believed,’ replied Annie”) are developed and consistently maintained.
E The • ending effectively ties events and actions together (“Believing is some thing great. Have you ever belived? Well let me tell you, it’s sometimes magical”).
E
Sentence StructureE Sentence • structure is consistently controlled.E Sentence type and length are varied and effective (• “‘Mom! Dad! Hurry up!,’”
“‘How would you like some cookies?,’” and “Once they were done they ran toward the tree house”).
E Sentence beginnings are consistently varied (“On their way,” • “‘Grandpa! Grandma!,’” and “Without thinking”).
E
VocabularyE Well-chosen• words are used effectively (“extrodinary,” “charging,” and “spotted
cat”).E Expressions• are consistently precise and effective (“as fast as lightning,” “ran
at full speed,” and “‘I’m happy I’m in one peice’”).E Words• and expressions are used to create vivid images and enhance the writing
(“a blinding light came and went,” “The two horned animals’ eyes were red. Smoke was coming out of his nostrils” and “animals’ paws were flying!”).
E
ConventionsE End punctuation• and capitalization are correct.E Most words• , familiar and unfamiliar, are spelled correctly; spelling errors are
understandable “slips.”E Errors• that are present do not affect the clarity or effectiveness of
communication.