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Essay Writing (Mock XAT1 Essay) Essay 1 – Just Keep Swimming. While we know that 'swimming' denotes an activity in water, one that requires the use of our limbs, muscles and lungs, most of us use the word more in its metaphoric sense. We talk, for instance, of 'swimming with (or against) the flow (or tide). Actually, all such metaphors could be summed up in one that's really apt – swimming through life. The circumstances and situations that envelop us constitute life. Sometimes these facilitate our passage through life, making it bearable (perhaps even enjoyable at times); sometimes, these render our passage difficult (perhaps unpleasant at times). Sometimes we pass through them quickly, and sometimes we are in them for a while (even, perhaps, for most of our lives). Since it's this ocean in which we make our way, in our different lives (domestic, professional, and so on), 'swim' is the apt word in place of 'make our way'. Apt also because, just as swimming in water calls for the use of various capabilities as well as determination and persistence, so does swimming through life. It's in this context, that the statement 'just keep swimming' acquires significance. When circumstances are favourable, and things are going our way, it would be easy to just float along. But it would be sensible to just keep swimming, not only to progress towards our objectives, but also to garner value that would stand us in good stead in lean times. When circumstances are otherwise, it would be persistence and determination that help us overcome difficulties – we should just keep swimming. This doesn't mean, of course, that we swim without any thought. Just as certain strokes, in swimming, are suited to certain waters, the methods we use to deal with circumstances in life should be appropriate to the conditions we are in. And, just as in swimming we need to check that we are not veering off course, our 'swimming' in life should also be accompanied with course correction whenever necessary. In short, an expanded principle that serves us well would be just keep swimming, but stay on course and watch out for choppy waters! Comments on Essay 1: A well written essay with impressive language. The essay is divided into six neat paragraphs which make easy reading. The introduction stands out as it is arresting and comes to the point without beating around the bush. The conclusion has a moral or lesson for the reader. The essay makes use of correct diction and vivid imagery and compares the activity of swimming to sailing through different phases of life. There are no grammatical mistakes in the essay and even rules of punctuation are religiously adhered to. However, the piece could be made better by presenting more aspects of 'swimming' and not just 'swimming through life'. The essay could be balanced by providing not only examples of situations or scenarios where this principle could be applied but also examples of exceptions to this utopian thought. Hence, as given in the evaluation table below, the score for the parameter 'perspective' is low (6 on 10) and could be improved. In the presence of different threads of thoughts which could be tied together, this piece would sound less philosophical or didactic and would not be as repetitive as it appears. More opinions along with examples would have made the piece more practical in its outlook. So, the evaluation (out of 100 points) is as follows: PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTS ON 10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL 1) Content Adequacy of information 7 X2 14 2) Ideas and their development Elaboration through reasoning, explanation, examples 7 X3 21 3) Perspective Pros and cons, different aspects, parallel reasoning, suggestions 6 X1 6 4) Structure Logical ideaflow in IntroBodyConclusion form 8 X2 16 5) Control over language Grammar and spellings 9 X2 18 75 Essay 2 – Just Keep Swimming. "Life is so hard. I should call it quits!" "Hey man! Just keep swimming! When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." Life in itself is a continuum. From the past, till the present and well into the future, life is an integrated and continuous flow. How do we deal with such a flow? To swim with it would be the most intelligent and efficient thing to do. Life is an ocean with both happiness and sorrow. The journey towards success is not a smooth road. There would be many rises and falls, just like the tides of an ocean. But success comes to those who keep swimming in this march of existence. As it is

Essay Writing (Mock XAT-1 Essay)

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Essay Writing (Mock XAT-1 Essay)

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  • EssayWriting(MockXAT1Essay)

    Essay1JustKeepSwimming.

    Whileweknowthat'swimming'denotesanactivityinwater,onethatrequirestheuseofourlimbs,musclesandlungs,mostofususethewordmoreinitsmetaphoricsense.Wetalk,forinstance,of'swimmingwith(oragainst)theflow(ortide).Actually,allsuchmetaphorscouldbesummedupinonethat'sreallyaptswimmingthroughlife.

    Thecircumstancesandsituations thatenvelopusconstitute life.Sometimes these facilitateourpassage through life,making itbearable (perhaps even enjoyable at times) sometimes, these render our passage difficult (perhaps unpleasant at times).Sometimeswepassthroughthemquickly,andsometimesweareinthemforawhile(even,perhaps,formostofourlives).

    Sinceit'sthisoceaninwhichwemakeourway,inourdifferentlives(domestic,professional,andsoon),'swim'istheaptwordin place of 'make our way'. Apt also because, just as swimming in water calls for the use of various capabilities as well asdetermination and persistence, so does swimming through life. It's in this context, that the statement 'just keep swimming'acquiressignificance.

    Whencircumstancesarefavourable,andthingsaregoingourway,itwouldbeeasytojustfloatalong.Butitwouldbesensibletojustkeepswimming,notonlytoprogresstowardsourobjectives,butalsotogarnervaluethatwouldstandus ingoodstead inleantimes.Whencircumstancesareotherwise,itwouldbepersistenceanddeterminationthathelpusovercomedifficultiesweshouldjustkeepswimming.

    This doesn't mean, of course, that we swim without any thought. Just as certain strokes, in swimming, are suited to certainwaters,themethodsweusetodealwithcircumstancesin lifeshouldbeappropriatetotheconditionswearein.And,justas inswimmingweneedtocheckthatwearenotveeringoffcourse,our 'swimming' in lifeshouldalsobeaccompaniedwithcoursecorrectionwhenevernecessary.

    Inshort,anexpandedprinciplethatservesuswellwouldbejustkeepswimming,butstayoncourseandwatchoutforchoppywaters!

    CommentsonEssay1:

    Awellwrittenessaywithimpressivelanguage.

    Theessayisdividedintosixneatparagraphswhichmakeeasyreading.

    Theintroductionstandsoutasitisarrestingandcomestothepointwithoutbeatingaroundthebush.Theconclusionhasamoralorlessonforthereader.

    The essaymakes use of correct diction and vivid imagery and compares the activity of swimming to sailing through differentphasesoflife.

    Therearenogrammaticalmistakesintheessayandevenrulesofpunctuationarereligiouslyadheredto.

    However, the piece could bemade better by presentingmore aspects of 'swimming' and not just 'swimming through life'. Theessaycouldbebalancedbyprovidingnotonlyexamplesofsituationsorscenarioswherethisprinciplecouldbeappliedbutalsoexamples of exceptions to this utopian thought. Hence, as given in the evaluation table below, the score for the parameter'perspective'islow(6on10)andcouldbeimproved.

    Inthepresenceofdifferentthreadsofthoughtswhichcouldbetiedtogether,thispiecewouldsoundlessphilosophicalordidacticandwouldnotbeasrepetitiveasitappears.Moreopinionsalongwithexampleswouldhavemadethepiecemorepracticalinitsoutlook.

    So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:

    PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL1)Content Adequacyofinformation 7 X2 14

    2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples 7 X3 213)Perspective Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions 6 X1 64)Structure LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform 8 X2 16

    5)Controloverlanguage Grammarandspellings 9 X2 1875

    Essay2JustKeepSwimming.

    "Lifeissohard.Ishouldcallitquits!""Heyman!Justkeepswimming!Whenthegoinggetstough,thetoughgetsgoing."

    Lifeinitselfisacontinuum.Fromthepast,tillthepresentandwellintothefuture,lifeisanintegratedandcontinuousflow.Howdowedealwithsuchaflow?Toswimwithitwouldbethemostintelligentandefficientthingtodo.

    Lifeisanoceanwithbothhappinessandsorrow.Thejourneytowardssuccessisnotasmoothroad.Therewouldbemanyrisesand falls, just like the tides of an ocean. But success comes to thosewho keep swimming in thismarch of existence. As it is

  • rightly said "There are nogreat people in thisworld only ordinary persons rise, and achieve extraordinary goals andbecomegreat."

    Several examples can be quoted of people who didn't give up easily and ultimately reached the zenith of success. MahatmaGandhisucceededingettingindependenceforIndiabypersistingwithhisstrategyofnonviolence.BillGates,acollegedropout,becametheowneroftheworld'slargestsoftwarefirmMicrosoftbyhisirresistibleattitudetowardssuccess.DhirubhaiAmbani,anordinaryperson,endedupsettingamammothindustryintheworldofbusiness.NikiLouda,theF1worldchampion,whosufferedsevere faceburnswhenhis ferrari crashed,persistedandwonagainst rival JamesHuntafter sevenyears.NickVujicichas nohandsandlegsbutisaninspirationalorator.

    Swimmingisoneofthekeyexercisesforahealthylifestyle.Inswimming,morecaloriesareburnedthaninanyothersport.Itgivesmorecontroloverthewholebodyandourrespirationprocess.Itinvolvesallthevoluntarymusclesofourbodyandhelpstobring down stress levels. So in real life too, swimming forward has its benefits as compared to remaining stagnant and notmaking any headway in the chequered pathways and undercurrents of life. 'Just keep swimming' should involve progressingforward by judiciously exercising control and adapting to both new lakes (where the water is still) and new whirlpools (withopposingcurrents).

    Whatever we may encounter in our flow of life, the best way to deal with it is to swim forward, taking life as a valuableexperience, enriching and strengthening us. When we swim forward with an open mind and attitude, we naturally invite richexperiences intoour flow.Richerexperiences,whatever theyare,helpusevolve fromonestateofbeing toabetter state.Asevolutionseems tobe theultimatemotiveofall lifearoundus,one'smainobjectiveshouldbe toconstantlykeepevolving.Toachieve this state of constant evolution, one has to flow through life, enrich oneself with richer experience and just keepswimmingtokeeptheballrolling.

    CommentsonEssay2:

    Thisessay is reasonablywell organised. It explainshow theanalogy canbemadewith life situations, talksof thebenefit thatpersistencebrings,indicatestheneedforjudiciousnessinmethod(therebybringinginsomewidthofperspective),andprovidesacoupleofrelevantexamples.

    So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:

    PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL1)Content Adequacyofinformation 8 X2 16

    2)Ideasandtheirdevelopment Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples 9 X3 273)Perspective Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions 7 X1 74)Structure LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform 7 X2 14

    5)Controloverlanguage Grammarandspellings 9 X2 1882

    Essay3JustKeepSwimming.

    InthefamousHollywoodproductionFindingNemo,theamnesiacfishDoryuttersthismemorableline,"JustKeepSwimming",totheheroofthemovie,wholoseshopewhilesearchingforhis lostsoninthevastexpanseoftheocean.WhileDorydoescomeacrossasslightlyconfused,itishertenacitythatisherredeemingquality.

    Apersonsnotgivingup,histenacity,hisperseverancecanbeoneofhisgreatestassets.OneneedlooknofurtherthanAbrahamLincoln,widely regardedasAmericasgreatestpresidentever, tounderstand thevirtueofperseverance.Lincoln facedmultiplefailuresinvariousprofessionalandpersonalventuresbutdidnotletthemboghimdown.Edison,whoreportedlyfailedmultipletimes,didnotgiveupandfinallymadeaworkingprototypeofanelectricbulbwhenconventionalwisdomwouldhavegiveitup.The Beatles, arguably the biggest music band of the world ever, were told by a recording manager to give up their career.Imagineiftheyhadlistenedtohim!Oneneednottakeotherpeoplesnaysayingordiscouragementtooseriously.

    However, one can also argue that being a manager is about managing with the limited resources. One needs to give upsometimesinpursuitofalargergoal.Anarmymayretreattemporarily,inastrategicmove,tolosethebattlebutwinthewar.AsShakespearenotes,"Discretion isthebetterpartofvalour!"Oneneedstochoosethebattlesoneneedstowin.Puttinggoodmoneyafter badmoney (e.g. in an illconceivedproduct or service)maynot be advisable.Business sensedictates one to cutoneslossesandmoveoutwhilethereisstilltime.Thatiswhystockmarkettradershavestoplossprices!Andthatiswhy,whileSachinRameshTendulkarwantedtobeafastbowler,hegaveupthatideawhenadvisedtoconcentrateonhisbattingduetohisheight.Onesaptitudeandnaturaltalentsmustalsofindanoutlet.

    Apersonwhokeepsswimminginthefaceofadversitydeservesplaudits,butonemustalsoappreciateonelimitations.

    CommentsonEssay3:

    Theessaybeginswithabackgroundof theoriginor the relevant referenceof the title 'JustKeepSwimming'. Ithasanoverallgoodstructureintermsofthoughtflow.

    Thesmallgrammaticalerrrors intheessaywouldgetoverlookedsincetheydonot interferewiththe ideabeingdelivered.Thepunon'Imagine'wasgood!

    The first2parasof theessay relate to thenecessityorbenefitofperseverence.However, therearemoreexamples inpara2thanareneeded.Morediscussiononperseveranceanditsbenefitsbackedbyjustacoupleofexampleswouldimprovetheessay.

    The3rdpara,whichtemperstheview,isbetter.There'smorediscussionhereandfewerexamples.

    Thewordingoftheconclusioncouldbebettertofocusmoreontheattributesthanonthepersonsdisplayingtheattributes.

    So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:

    PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL

  • 1)Content Adequacyofinformation 7 X2 142)Ideasandtheirdevelopment Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples 6 X3 183)Perspective Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions 7 X1 7

    4)Structure LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform 7 X2 145)Controloverlanguage Grammarandspellings 8 X2 16

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    Essay4JustKeepSwimming.

    One will face adversities when immersed in life's swirling vortex. Many people have turned the tables on life through sheerdeterminationand foresight.PierceBrosnan(whohad losthiswifeearlier)acted inNovemberManwhenhisdaughterhad justdied. Virat Kohli had lost his father and Yuvraj Singh battled cancer. Sylvester Stallone was on the streets but he wrote thescreenplay for RockyBalboa and refused to sell the script unless hewas allowed to act in themovie. The hero ofMatrix hadvarioustrialstofaceinreallifebuthiscommenttoajournalistonatrainwas"Lifehastogoon."SteveJobswaskickedoutofhisowncompanybuthestartedPixar.NarayanMurthyandKiranMazumdarShawstartedtheircompaniesfromscratch.BeforeAngryBirds,thesixcreatorshadmade49games,whichhadfloppedbuttheypersisted.

    "Justdoit"or"Justkeepswimming"wouldnotapplyifonekeptondoingataskaimlessly.Whilepractisingforamarathon,oneneedstobeselfaware, listentoone'sbodyandtakeadequaterests,engageinotheractivities likecycling.Otherwiseonemayfaceinjuries.Sometimesinlifethreateningsituations,oneneedstodropeverythingandrun.

    Oneneedstolearnfromlife'slessonsandacquirenewskills.Acompanyneedstocheckwhatitscompetitorsaredoing.Nokia'sconsensusseeking leaders letthefirmcrumble.HeroHondawasahit tillBajaj'sPulsarpickedupdueto itsbettermileage.Sooneneedstojudiciously,controlandmonitorlife'ssituations.Coursecorrectionsneedtoemployed.AkshayKumar,MilindSomanandChetanBhagathavechangedprofessional fields. InitiallyNarayanMurthy foundedSoftronics,acompanythat lastedayearandahalfbutmovedonwhen itdidnot takeoff.Oneshould learn fromfailuresandclimbonvarioussteppingstonesthat lifeoffers.

    "Just keep swimming" may not be apt in immoral activities. Life throws lessons back at you. Jordan Belfort ("Wolf of WallStreet")isanAmericanoratorbutaformerstockbrockercaughtinstockmarketmanipulation.

    "JustKeepSwimming"maynotserveanypurpose.In"TokillaMockingBird",theWhiteLawyerAtticusFinchfoughtthecaseofablackmanchargedwithrapingawhitewomandespiteknowingthatduringCivilWar,ablackguycouldnotwinagainstawhitewoman.RaghuRam,thehostofRoadiestoldsomeonewhowastryingtogetintotheshowfor10yearsbutalwaysgotrejectedintheInterviewround,"Stoptryingifitisnotforyou."

    Justfocussingonfightingtilltheendwillnotdo.Isonegoingtofinishstrong?So,learn,getupanddon'tgiveupanddon'tjustkeepswimming.

    CommentsonEssay4:

    This essay provides many instances of flawed writing. There are some intelligent ideas floating randomly without a properstructure.Thegrammarneedsimprovement.

    Thefirstparagraphdoesnotintroducethetopicatall.Itseemsthatpointshavebeenmentionedwithnorelationtothetitle.

    Theessayisfilledwithexamplesthatthewriterhopeswillputhismessageacross.Infact,thatdoesn'thappenwithanyclarity.Thingsgetmixeduptowardstheend,withthelastlineoftheessayseemingtopresentaselfcontradiction.

    More attention should have been paid to explanation, thoughtflow, and sentence structure. The examples should have beenreducedinnumber.Theideasshouldhavebeenmentionedclearlywithoneortwoexamplesforeachidea.

    Therearesomeimportantlessonsdiscussedintheessaybutthesegetrelegatedtothebackgroundbecauseoftheuseofmanyexamples. From the second paragraph onwards, thewriter attempts to discuss exceptions to the view "Just Keep Swimming."Mentionhasbeenmadeofhowswimmingneedstobeaccompaniedbyclosecontrolormonitoringofsituationsandhowitmaynotwork in purposeless pursuit of aimless objectives. An important linementioned in the third paragraph is "So one needs tojudiciouslycontrolandmonitorlife'ssituations."Alsointhelastparagraph,thewriterhasmentionedthat"JustKeepSwimming"doesnotserveanypurpose.Thewritershouldhavesubstantiatedthesepoints insteadofassumingthatstatingexampleswouldbeenough.So clarity of thought andproper structuringof the essaywouldhavehelpedmake this essay richer in content andmoreimpressiveinitsapproach.

    So,theevaluation(outof100points)isasfollows:

    PARAMETERS DETAILS POINTSON10 WEIGHTAGE TOTAL1)Content Adequacyofinformation 4 X2 82)Ideasandtheirdevelopment Elaborationthroughreasoning,explanation,examples 4 X3 123)Perspective Prosandcons,differentaspects,parallelreasoning,suggestions 6 X1 64)Structure LogicalideaflowinIntroBodyConclusionform 5 X2 105)Controloverlanguage Grammarandspellings 5 X2 10

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