Essay No-nosEditing Writing: Phase One

The easy and important way to make your writing more academic.

No first or second person in an analytical essay! NO!

my

meI

our

youus

we

oursyours

Mine

yourselfourselves

myself

Instead of the forbidden words:After seeing the pain they experience you/we can see that Elie did what is right.Steinbeck shows us that Crooks suffers from the racist attitudes of the other workers. INSTEAD, TRY OUT:• the reader• the audience• society• people• one• OR CHANGE IT COMPLETELY!! After seeing the pain experienced

by Elie, it is evident that what he did was right.

“I” “my”

• In my opinion, George had to kill Lennie.• From my perspective, Lennie did not need to be killed.• I could never steal bread from my father.

• Don’t be a wimp! ELIMINATE IT and speak with authority.– George had to kill Lennie.– Lennie did not need to be killed. – I could never steal bread from my father. (Don’t imply

judgement, state it directly!) To put one’s father at risk in order to benefit oneself is inhumane and wrong.

What you need to do NOW:

• Get somebody else’s essay and turn to the last word in the essay.

• Read backwards and search for any forbidden words. Highlight (circle) any found.

• Quit questioning the backwards technique.• Get your essay from the editor and start

correcting the forbidden words. When done, start editing for grammar, spelling and awkward statements.

Titles of Novels (YES-YES!)

• All NOVELS are underlined when they are written by hand. – If you type, you can choose italics OR underlining. You may

not choose both.• Plays, poems, short stories, magazine articles, web

articles, and many more things are in “quotation marks”• Find each place the title is written and make it correct.

Capitalize the title. Lord of the Flies• If you have not used the novel title in your essay, write a

sentence that has the title and the author’s name (unless this is somewhere else in the introduction!).

What does she mean when she asks for a “quote?”

• Quotes are word for word something the author WROTE. • Quotes are not limited to something a character SAID.• Things characters SAY in the book are called DIALOGUE. • Any sentence in the whole book is a quote. (Not all

sentences are important as others though.)• You may quote dialogue in your essay. Usually however,

the best quotes are NOT what characters say, but rather detailed descriptions authors WRITE.

FYIAll examples in this presentation use punctuation correctly. When you include a quote in your paper, you must mimic this.

In other words, you have examples of where to put commas, the period, etc. I will grade harshly if you do not use these things correctly.

It is boring and time consuming. It is YOUR job to do this correctly.

Quote selection#1 You can’t just throw in a quote you randomly selected because you know you need a quote.

#2 Quotes are selected because the author of the quote has said something in such a beautiful or clear way that paraphrasing it would be less

specific.

#3 If you can’t find a few meaningful quotes out of an entire novel, you need to reread the novel.

• You could paraphrase and say: Idek beat Elie and his father severely. But, why would you when you could use:• Wiesel describes an instance of cruelty where “Idek was

seized with one of his fits of frenzy…He leapt on me, like a wild animal, hitting me in the chest, on the head, throwing me down and pulling me up again, his blows growing more and more violent, until I was covered with blood,” (60).

• The quote is put in a much more vivid and powerful way than any paraphrase would be.

FYI: Red = my introduction to the quote, my words.

Quote selection

Quote selection:

• AGAIN, select a quote that says something in such a beautiful or clear way that paraphrasing it would not do it justice.

• IS the quote selected below GOOD OR BAD? WHY?• George helps Lennie by making a plan to meet

at the river if anything goes wrong. Steinbeck shows this when George asks, “ ‘Now Lennie, you know where to go if there is any trouble,’” (45).

Quote selection

• AGAIN, select a quote that says something in such a beautiful or clear way that paraphrasing it would not do it justice.

• Is this quote good? WHY/WHY NOT?• After their release from the camp nobody wants revenge.

Wiesel writes, “Our first act as free men was to throw our selves onto the provisions. We thought only of that. Not of revenge, not of our families,” (119). This shows how mentally and emotionally deteriorated they are.

• Paraphrase: Rather than wanting revenge or thinking about their families, the released prisoners only care about food. This demonstrates how mentally and emotionally deteriorated they are.

• All quotes must be introduced and

explained. • A quote cannot make up

the entire sentence. • If you include a sentence

that is ONLY a quote you will get a ZERO!! Booooo!

Integrating quotes

Integrating quotes

• Wiesel describes an instance of cruelty where, “Idek was seized with one of his fits of frenzy…He leapt on me, like a wild animal, hitting me in the chest, on the head, throwing me down and pulling me up again, his blows growing more and more violent, until I was covered with blood,” (60).

• Red = my introduction to the quote, my words.

How To Integrate Quotations

.argues writes points out concludes comments notes

maintains suggests insists observes counters asserts

states claims demonstrates says explains reveals

What verbs and phrases can I use to introduce my quotations?Familiarize yourself with the various verbs commonly

used to introduce quotations. Here is a partial list:Each verb has its own nuance. Make sure that the nuance matches your specific aims in introducing the quotation.

Not Integrated

George has always taken great care of Lennie. “Lennie, don’t go drinkin’ that water. You’ll get sick!” (32).

Brinker becomes disillusioned with the war, and Ralph becomes disillusioned with the glory of being chief. “He found himself understanding the wearisomness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of one’s walking life was spent watching one’s feet,” (76).

Integrated

Evidence of George taking great care of Lennie is when he protects him saying, “Lennie, don’t go drinkin’ that water. You’ll get sick!” (32).

Ralph begins to feel a sense of disillusionment toward the glory of being chief. Ralph’s waning enjoyment of being the leader on the island shows as, “He found himself understanding the wearisomness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of one’s walking life was spent watching one’s feet,” (76).

INTEGRATED: Methods For Inserting Brief Quotations

For several reasons, “all of them, all except Phineas, constructed at infinite cost to themselves these Maginot Lines against an enemy they thought they saw across the frontier,” (123).

Final Position

Beginning Position“Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of

man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy,” declares Golding’s narrator at the end of his novel (202).

INTEGRATED: Methods For Inserting Brief Quotations

In the same way William Golding’s novel has been considered a “body of work that speaks to the tragedy of the human condition,” John Knowles’ A Separate Peace can be considered a work of literature that shines a light into the dark recesses of the human heart (322).

Middle Position

INTEGRATED: Interrupted

“As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods,” proclaims King Lear, “– They kill us for their sport" (King Lear IV.i.40-44). This proclamation by an old king who has just realized that everything he once held has been stripped from him by his own daughters, is said to have inspired the title of William Golding’s Nobel Prize winning novel, Lord of the Flies.

To avoid confusing your readers, punctuate quotations correctly, and work them smoothly into your writing.

Punctuation shows your readers:•which words are yours•which words you have quoted

Punctuation Is Important

Punctuating Brief Quotations

Quoting a Sentence or Sentences:

Rodrigo begins to reveal his internal war with Finny when he says, “What was I doing up here anyway? Why did I let Ferny talk me into stupid things like this?” (5).Notice how my words (Gene begins to reveal his internal war with Ferny when he says) lead into the quote I have chosen to use.

Punctuating Brief Quotations

Quoting a Fragment:

Jack is not able to kill the piglet during their first attempt at hunting for food “because of the enormity of the knife descending and cutting into the living flesh; because of the unbearable blood,” (31).Again, notice how my words lead into the quote.

Punctuating When Quoting Dialogue

Ron said, “Dad yelled, ‘No way!’”

Golding writes, “Jack seized the conch. ‘Ralph’s right of course. There isn’t a snake-thing. But if there was a snake we’d hunt it and kill it,’” (36).

Say the piece of text you select is:Lennie ambled over to George mumbling, “I’ll just go off in a cave, then you’ll see.”If you use the part with narration AND dialogue it look like:

Lennie’s disappointment shows when, “Lennie ambled over to George mumbling, ‘I’ll just go off in a cave, then you’ll see,’” (32).If you use only the dialogue, you punctuate like a normal quote:Lennie’s disappointment shows when he mumbles, “I’ll just go off in a cave, then you’ll see,” (32).

Punctuating When Quoting Dialogue

Punctuating Quotations with Omissions

According to Gene, the faculty at Devon treated the boys differently during the summer session because “we reminded them of what peace was like…of lives which were not bound up with destruction,” (10).

Ellipses: indication that there is some text that you chose to omit.

(Using ellipses)

Quotations with Brief Insertions

It is evident that Ferny believes in the war because he tells Gene, “I’m wearing this [his pink shirt] as an emblem. We haven’t got a flag, we can’t float Old Glory proudly out the window. So I’m going to wear this, as an emblem,” (11).

Notice “his pink shirt” is added and “this” is kept too.

(Using brackets)

Use brackets when you are inserting your own words into a quote in order to make the meaning of the quote more clear.

Quotations with Brief Insertions

The physical and mental abuse of prisoners by the kapos shows when Idek, “grabs him [Elie’s father] and beats him, each time more severe,” even though his father is being punished for Elie’s act (11).

Notice that here “Elie’s father” is added and “him” is taken out. Replacing is okay.

(Using brackets)

Use brackets when you are inserting your own words into a quote in order to make the meaning of the quote more clear.

1. Would most people consider echidnas ordinary animals?

Some of the many possible answers!• Fleischauer claims that echidnas are not like other

mammals and are, “so different from any other that is still puzzles researchers and scientists,” (28).

• The echidna is an “unusual mammal…so different from any other that it still puzzles researchers,” claims Fleischauer (28).

• “It [the echidna] is so different from any other [mammal] that it still puzzles researchers and scientists,” explains Fleischauer (28).

THESIS DRIVEN ESSAY: thesis driven essay. ThEsIs DrIvEn EsSaY.

Essay Organization1.)Does your thesis clearly explain your ENTIRE argument? 2.) Does your paper succeed in arguing what you said it would?3.) Does your paper avoid “stuff” that isn’t mentioned in your thesis?

Thesis driven essay

DO THIS, and only this, NOW.

• Highlight your thesis. (It might be one or two sentences.)

• Highlight the first sentence in each body paragraph. (topic sentence/TS)

• Highlight where the thesis is restated in the conclusion. (It might be more than one sentence)

READ THESE HIGHLIGHTED PARTS AS IF THEY WERE YOUR WHOLE PAPER. Can I see your ENTIRE ARGUMENT?– Does the thesis briefly allude to all paragraphs? Do it

cover all your main points?– Do all body paragraphs refocus on the thesis?– Do all body paragraphs sum up what you argue in that

paragraph?– Does the conclusion restate thesis WITHOUT NEW

INFO? (If you find new info, cross it out!!!!!)

Change TS to connect to thesis

Add thesis restated

here!

Change TS: doesn’t sum

up argument

Edit thesis

Add editing instructions!!! Arrows like above! Change your essay later!

It is not about US.

• Level III makes your argument more profound, and thoughtful.

• You aren’t just writing on some book; you are investigating important societal issues!

• Do you discuss the level III idea in your intro and conclusion?

Here’s my level IIIORadd level III

idea!!