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ISBN 978-1-1458-0000-0 MACMILLAN STUDYUP ©FLEXIBOOKS 2019 ESSAY AND EXAM SKILLS Good and poor writing Useful vocabulary Get revising UNCORRECTED PROOFS

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Page 1: ESSAY AND EXAM SKILLS - s3.amazonaws.com€¦ · ESSAY AND EXAM SKILLS ... One of the key criteria against which your VCE English essays will be ... examiners’ report states that

1ISBN 978-1-1458-0000-0 MACMILLAN STUDYUP ©FLEXIBOOKS 2019

ESSAY AND EXAM SKILLS

✱ Good and poor writing

✱ Useful vocabulary

✱ Get revising

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MACMILLAN STUDYUP

ISBN 978-1-1458-0000-0 MACMILLAN STUDYUP ©FLEXIBOOKS 2019

Good and poor writingYour goal in writing an essay—indeed in any written communication—is to make your meaning as explicit as possible. This involves examining and weighing up every word you commit to paper (or screen). Each word should be clear and accurate and serve a purpose, and every sentence should make sense.

One of the key criteria against which your VCE English essays will be marked is whether you have applied ‘the conventions of spelling, punctuation and syntax of Standard Australian English accurately and appropriately.’ Similarly, the most recent VCE examiners’ report states that ‘Strong language skills are expected and necessary for success’, advising students to ‘work on developing fluent, well-written responses that are carefully and logically structured and that use appropriate vocabulary’ (VCAA).

Not only will writing clearly and correctly help you communicate your interpretations, ideas and arguments to the examiner in the best possible way, but it will get you marks.

The criteria for good and poor writing This chart outlines in simple terms what distinguishes good writing from poor writing, based on five key criteria.

Criteria Good writing is … Poor writing is …

Clarity clear and simple cluttered, ambiguous, verbose, full of jargon

Appropriateness for purpose and audience

appropriate for purpose and audience

irrelevant to the purpose or audience

Structure logically and coherently structured disorganised

Correctness of expression carefully proof-read to ensure grammatical and syntactical coherence, accurate expression and correct spelling and punctuation

full of errors in spelling and punctuation, with sentence fragments and grammatical errors

Style engaging and active clichéd, passive, dull and uninteresting

What is ‘good’ writing?Before we look at applying these criteria to our essays, let’s analyse a good example of non-fiction writing to see how the criteria work in practice. The following extract is from the opening chapter of Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Almost Everything.

No matter how hard you try you will never be able to grasp just how tiny, how spatially unassuming, is a proton. It is just way too small.

A proton is an infinitesimal part of an atom., which is itself of course an insubstantial thing. Protons are so small that a little dib of ink like the dot on this ‘i’ can hold something in the region of 500,000,000,000 of them, or rather more than the number of seconds it takes to make half a million years.

LEARN FROM THE EXAMINERS

You can read the most recent VCE English examiners’ report at <flexi-books.com.au/w/24>.

Inclusive language speaks directly to the reader.

Concrete references and images help the reader to visualise the idea being presented.

Colloquial expressions not only add to inclusivity but give Bryson’s writing a sense of style.

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Now imagine if you can (and of course you can’t) shrinking one of those protons down to a billionth of its normal size into a space so small that it would make a proton look enormous. Now pack into that tiny, tiny space about an ounce of matter. Excellent. You are ready to start a universe.

I’m assuming of course that you wish to build an inflationary universe. If you’d prefer instead to build a more old-fashioned, standard Big Bang universe, you’ll need additional materials. In fact, you will need to gather up everything there is—every last mote and particle of matter between here and the edge of creation—and squeeze it into a spot so infinitesimally compact that it has no dimensions at all. It is known as a singularity.

In either case get ready for a really big bang. Naturally, you will wish to retire to a safe place to observe the spectacle. Unfortunately, there is nowhere to retire to because outside the singularity there is no where. When the universe begins to expand, it won’t be spreading out to fill a larger emptiness. The only space that exists is the space it creates as it goes.

It is natural but wrong to visualise the singularity as a kind of pregnant dot hanging in a dark, boundless void. But there is no space, no darkness. The singularity has no around around it. There is no space for it to occupy, no place for it to be. We can’t even ask how long it has been there—whether it has just lately popped into being, like a good idea, or whether it has been there for ever, quietly waiting the right moment. Time doesn’t exist. There is no past for it to emerge from.

And so, from nothing, our universe begins.

Now let’s compare the extract against the five key elements of good writing:

Criteria for good writing Extract

Clarity Bryson sets out to explain complex ideas. He achieves this by using simple analogies and examples that enable his reader to visualise what he is writing about.

Appropriateness for purpose and audience

Bryson’s book is aimed at a very broad audience. His purpose is to make these complex scientific ideas engaging and accessible to all. He achieves these goals in a variety of ways:• with inclusive language and style• by speaking directly to his reader• by giving clear, concrete examples

He makes the reader comfortable with the difficulty of the concepts by acknowledging them as such.

Bryson invites the reader to actively engage with the text

He introduces difficult technical words and gives them contextual meaning.

Bryson writes in a way that invites us to accompany him in his thinking through these difficult ideas.

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Structure Whilst his material is non-fiction, Bryson uses a narrative structure to tell a coherent story about the creation of the universe.

Correctness of expression Sentences are well structured and follow conventional grammatical ‘rules’. Spelling and punctuation are correct.

Style One of the meanings of the word ‘style’ relates to ‘outward appearance’. In this sense, writing styles can be compared to the styles of clothing we wear. If we are attending a formal function, we may dress in a suit—even a tuxedo—or a formal gown. If we’re working in the garden, we’re more likely to choose old jeans and a T-shirt.

There is a clear analogy here with writing. The way we write in a letter to a friend will differ greatly from the style we use in a job application, or a letter of complaint. Students in postgraduate studies at universities are expected to write in an extremely formal, academic or scholarly style, and that style differs enormously from the style in a popular magazine.

Bryson has a distinctive style. He speaks directly to the reader, and his style is conversational and engaging. He shifts easily between formal and informal language, and writes inclusively.

What is ‘poor’ writing?Let’s contrast Bryson’s example of ‘good’ writing with some award-winning ‘poor’ writing. The next extract, taken from an article in a sociology journal, was the winner of the 1993 ‘Bad Writing Contest’, which celebrated ‘stylistically lamentable’ passages found in scholarly books and articles published at that time. The contest was conducted by the journal Philosophy and Literature, whose editor observed: ‘As usual this year’s winners were produced by well-known, highly-paid experts who have no doubt labored for years to write like this’, and referred to the ‘anxiety-inducing obscurity of such writing’.

The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

This extract consists of one highly complex 94-word sentence. In terms of poor readability, it’s off the scale. It’s not just its length that makes the extract inaccessible; there are at least ten obscure technical terms, which suggests the article is aimed at a very limited audience. There are no examples or attempts to explain the concepts in such a way that a lay reader could understand.

Does this extract constitute bad writing? We should acknowledge that the piece was written for a specific academic audience and purpose. However, the contest judges also reasoned that:

• The sentence is overly long.• There is far too much jargon for the ‘average intelligent reader’.• There appears to be an error, if not of grammar, then of usage. Remove the ‘inessential’ elements,

and the sentence reads:- Structuralism … brought temporality into the thinking of structure. - ‘About’ might have been a better choice of preposition than ‘of ’.

• The sentence appears to be tautological.

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The problem with this extract is the disjunction between meaning and thought. It was written for a specific purpose and audience, but does that excuse it from basic readability? The former political speech writer Don Watson thinks not, and reflects on it in his book Death Sentence:

There have been signs of decay in the language of politics and academia for years, but the direct symptoms are in business; and the curse has spread through the pursuit of business models in places that were never businesses. Universities that once valued and defended culture have swallowed the creed whole. Libraries, galleries, and museums, banks and welfare agencies now parrot it. The public sector spouts it as loudly as the private does. It is the language of all levels of government including the very local.

Don Watson, Death Sentence, p. 13

Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina begins with the famous line: ‘All happy families resemble one another, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way’. The same may be said of sentences, of paragraphs and of writing generally: every poor sentence and every poor paragraph—every unhappy family of words—is unhappy in its own way.

This extract from an essay written about David Malouf ’s novel Ransom provides a few examples of families of words that are unhappy. The task set was:

In the novel Ransom, David Malouf explores the deep realities that make us human, in particular in his account of the journey of Priam and Somax. Discuss.

The student begins their discussion of the topic with the following paragraph:In the novel Ransom, David Malouf explores the deep realities that make us human throughout the journey of Priam and Somax. Malouf displays faith towards the gods to be an important part of the way characters experience the world around them. Grief is also expressed outwardly between the two very different fathers. This is entirely contrasted with the many forms of love and relationships shared by humans. The two elderly men also learn to appreciate all that is unfamiliar throughout the progressive journey of humanity. Being considerate and respectful towards other humans is a prominent factor in Malouf ’s interpretation of Homer’s Iliad. Finally great courage is portrayed in distinct ways on the journey of truth and self-discovery. These are the underlying values behind the deep truths that make us fully human.

ACTIVITY: YOU BE THE ASSESSOR

Before you read any further, imagine that you are the examiner, and that you are assessing this paragraph. Make some notes of your first impressions of this paragraph. (Remember, you have only the opening paragraph to read; it would be unfair to expect it to contain a complete answer to the topic.) What judgements would you make about the quality of this piece of writing?UNCORRECTED P

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Read the paragraph two or three times, then jot down any comments/judgements you have in relation to the following criteria. 1 Is the writing clear?

2 Does the writer demonstrate an understanding of the text Ransom?

3 Does the writer answer the question asked?

Assessing essays is no easy task. Even if we consider just the three criteria mentioned in the activity, the task is still quite difficult. On the positive side of the ledger, the writer uses a range of sophisticated vocabulary; it is full of well-written phrases, such as:

• an important part of the way characters experience the world around them.• The … men also learn to appreciate all that is unfamiliar • a prominent factor in Malouf ’s interpretation of Homer’s Iliad. • great courage is portrayed

There are very few spelling errors in the piece, and, in the original submission, the hand writing was legible. The essay is around one thousand words long, so it is substantial but within expectations.

Reading the paragraph more critically, though, none of the eight sentences that form this first paragraph is completely effective. While the vocabulary is at times sophisticated, with many rhetorical flourishes, the meaning is often unclear. The paragraph limps along from one assertion to the next, without any clear links.

Remember: a writer’s most important responsibility is to make their meaning clear to their readers. Bearing this in mind, look at this sentence again:

Malouf displays faith towards the gods to be an important part of the way characters experience the world around them.

There is no ‘signposting’ here; each of the sentences that follow discusses an aspect of ‘what it is to be human’, but the writer gives no clear indication that this is what they are doing. The writer’s meaning is also clouded by poor word choices. ‘Displays’ is not quite right in this context, and the verb form ‘to be’ jars. It would be more accurate to write:

Malouf explores the idea that faith towards the gods is an important part of the way characters experience the world around them.

Alternatively, the sentence could be improved as follows:Malouf shows faith towards the gods to be an important part of the way characters experience the world around them.

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Are you wondering why these small changes make a difference? Zinsser explains:Now this might seem a little thing, and of no great importance. So, this sentence doesn’t quite work. It’s not the end of the world. You can guess my meaning. (And there’s some truth in that; after all, most of the time we guess at each other’s meaning, and end up with approximations that are more or less workable.) …

A small detail, you may say—not worth worrying about. It is worth worrying about. The game is won or lost on hundreds of details. Writing improves in direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there. …

Now let’s look at the paragraph in more detail.

In the novel ‘Ransom’, David Malouf explores the deep realities that make us human throughout the journey of Priam and Somax.

Malouf displays faith towards the gods to be an important part of the way characters experience the world around them.

Grief is also expressed outwardly between the two very different fathers. This is entirely contrasted with the many forms of love and relationships shared by humans.

The two elderly men also learn to appreciate all that is unfamiliar throughout the progressive journey of humanity.

The writer begins well, but loses his way. The grammatical logic of this sentence is that WE become more human during the journey of Somax and Priam. The writer’s intended meaning seems to be that Malouf’s account of the journey provides the backdrop for an exploration of what it is to be human. The paragraph needs a linking sentence here – one that creates structure for what follows in the paragraph. Even something as simple as the following would suffice: Malouf identifies a number of characteristics of what being ‘fully human’ might involve: our links with the gods, our capacity to feel grief, … and so on..

As discussed above, the point being made is not clear. The writer’s intended meaning seems to have been something like the following: Malouf explores the extent to which a belief in the gods is significant in the way his characters experience the world around them..

This may be a reference to the way in which Somax teaches Priam to enjoy simple direct experiences – like dangling your feet in a creek, or enjoying such simple food as pikelets. But the portentous language, with its references to all that is unfamiliar and the progressive journey of humanity, ends up sounding like empty rhetoric.

The writer jumps from one idea (the place of the gods in human experience) to another (grief) without establishing what it is that links these various elements. Following Zinsser’s dictum that writing improves in direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it, the first sentence might be expressed simply as: Both men express their grief. The writer attempts to contrast this grief with love, but the sentence is too vague, with the unnecessary inclusion of the word ‘entirely’. UNCORRECTED P

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Being considerate and respectful towards other humans is a prominent factor in Malouf ’s interpretation of Homer’s Iliad.

Finally great courage is portrayed in distinct ways on the journey of truth and self-discovery.

These are the underlying values behind the deeptruths that make us fully human.

In summary, this writer has produced very few effective sentences in their introduction, skirting around ideas rather than making those ideas explicit. The writing lacks logical structure, with sentences piled on other sentences, and no clear development of ideas. Here is a more coherently expressed version:

David Malouf ’s account of the journey of Priam and Somax provides the context for an exploration of what it is to be human. Malouf identifies a number of characteristics of what being ‘fully human’ might involve: a faith in the gods or sense of divine purpose, a capacity to feel grief, and the many forms of love we experience. As the relationship between the two elderly men develops, they come to appreciate the differences between themselves and to feel more comfortable with unfamiliar experiences and perspectives. Their journey together is emotional and spiritual as well as geographical, reinforcing a strong message in the book about the importance of respecting the human dignity of those who differ from ourselves, and showing that true insight into the human condition occurs when we travel without defenses, courageously opening ourselves to the experiences and perspectives of others.

Undermining your argumentThe other point worth noting is that poor writing undermines your argument. You could have an exceptionally insightful point to make, but if you express it badly, the examiner might not notice or appreciate the depth of your insight. Here are two excellent examples, from some leading politicians, of how to undermine an argument:

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.

Dan Quayle

Again, the writer is not quite in control of what they are attempting to express. The key concepts here – great courage, portrayal, journey, truth, self-discovery – could all be usefully linked in a discussion of Malouf’s Ransom. The inclusion of the words ‘portrayed’ and ‘distinct’ is interesting. Does the writer mean a) that Malouf has several distinct ways of portraying courage, or b) that Malouf portrays characters showing various distinct forms of courage? The expression ‘the journey of truth and self-discovery’ might have carried some strong meaning had this meaning been established earlier in the paragraph. Appearing as it does, towards the end, and without any objective correlative to give it substance, leaves it sounding (again) like empty rhetoric.

The reference to Homer is introduced late in the paragraph, and seems an afterthought in this sentence. In what sense are consideration and respect part of Malouf’s interpretation of The Iliad? It’s worth pointing out that Ransom is not an interpretation of The Iliad. It is a novel that is based in part on a brief episode that is mentioned in Homer’s Iliad..

What are the ‘underlying values’ to which the writer refers? In what sense are the values ‘behind the deep truths, and what are these deep truths ‘that make us fully human’? The writer isn’t really saying anything here.

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The illiteracy level of our children are appalling. Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

George W. Bush

Remember, too, that you have limited time and a limited number of words with which to express yourself in an essay. Don’t waste them on stating the obvious! Make all of your words count.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.Dan Quayle

More and more of our imports come from overseas.George W. Bush

The aim, therefore, for your essay writing—and all of your written communication—should be to apply the five key criteria (clarity, appropriateness, structure, expression and style) to ensure that your ideas and arguments are communicated as clearly and effectively as possible.

Some tips on writing wellControlling sentence structure

One of the keys to writing clearly is to master your control of sentence structure. In an essay of 800–1000 words, you would normally expect to find 45–60 sentences. A sentence is like a suitcase: it holds all your ideas. If the sentence-suitcase is well packed, it will be easy for anyone to find your ideas. Some students, though, pack their sentences like they pack their suitcases: they throw words and ideas into their sentences in a disorganised way. That makes it hard for a reader to work out where everything is supposed to be.

Here’s an example of a badly packed sentence. It was written by a Year 12 student as part of a persuasive essay on street violence.

Several incidents involving the cowardly acts against innocent young people being not only severely injured but sadly killed on our streets caused by alcohol and drug fuelled violence has led to state-wide debates on how communities and authorities believe we have to prevent this problem from continuing.

The first thing that stands out is that this sentence is 46 words long. This particular suitcase has been crammed with too many items. All of them need to be mentioned at some point; they’re useful articles that you want to take on your journey towards understanding. So the first thing to decide is: how can we best pack this many ideas? The starting point will be to repack the ideas into separate sentences:• Several violent incidents have occurred in our streets.• Innocent young people have been severely injured, or even killed.• Perhaps the worst form of this violence is the king hit, which is also called ‘the coward’s punch’.• Much violence is fuelled by alcohol, drugs or both.• These violent incidents have led to state-wide debates about what communities and authorities

can do to prevent this problem from occurring.We now have five ‘suitcases’, and they are all neatly packed. We can find everything and we can see how the various ideas fit together.

Good writing isn’t about long sentences that contain lots of long words. It’s about expressing ideas clearly. Generally, when the ideas are complex, the sentences need to be shorter and simpler.

EXTEND YOURSELFIf you would like to explore these ideas more deeply, try the following texts: · Don Watson, Death Sentence · George Orwell, The Politics of Language· William Zinsser, Writing Well· Mem Fox and Lyn Wilkinson, English Essentials

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Expressing complex ideasWhen dealing with a complicated concept, it is best to use short, concise sentences rather than long ones that may cause the reader to lose track of what you are trying to say. Here is a sentence from a student’s persuasive essay:

Our country has brilliant health care and the homes we all live in are insured and built to withstand years of living and even though, at times, we have a debatable government whose ideas of moving forward and progressing as a country are not always what’s best for the citizens of Australia we are by no means in danger of our country being run into the ground.

This 67-word sentence needs rewriting because what the writer is trying to say is not clear. The lack of clarity is compounded by having so many different ideas crammed into the one sentence.

If we unpack that sentence, we can identify the following key ideas or elements:

1 Our country has brilliant health care

2 and the homes we all live in are insured

3 They are built to withstand years of living

4 and even though, at times,

5 we have a debatable government

6 whose ideas of moving forward and progressing as a country

7 are not always what’s best for the citizens of Australia

8 we are by no means in danger

9 of our country being run into the ground.

As you can see, this is a sentence that needs quite a bit of work. Expressing the ideas in fewer sentences helps:

Our country has many positive aspects. Most people live in good housing, and we have an excellent health-care system. Our government is not perfect, and there may be disagreement about whether what the government decides is always the best thing for Australian citizens. However, generally speaking, our country is not in danger of being run into the ground.

The original sentence has been transformed into four sentences and fewer words, making the ideas clearer.

Is the word brilliant appropriate?

Is this true? It sounds unlikely.

The point here is not clear. Are they saying the quality of our government’s action is sometimes questionable?

Ideas 1, 2 and 3 are related; they all deal with our ‘quality of life’.

Ideas 5, 6 and 7 are closely linked.

Some lack of clarity about what exactly is meant.

A linking phrase

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Correct order of clauses Within your sentences, check your grammar to make sure that your meaning comes across correctly. For example, what do you infer from the following sentence?

The student brought a pen to the exam that is not working.

The misplaced adjectival clause (‘that is not working’) in this sentence suggests that the exam is not working rather than the pen! Here’s a correct version:

The student brought a pen that was not working to the exam. As you can see, grammar is an important tool that will help ensure that the examiner is left in no

doubt about your intended meaning. Take the time to master it.

ACTIVITY: EDITING FOR CLARITY

Here are a few sentences on which to practice your editing skills. Rewrite them so that their meaning is communicated more clearly. 1 In 1912, the passenger liner Titanic was struck by an iceberg on its maiden voyage across the

Atlantic Ocean.

2 While eating and enjoying good company, a train rolled slowly by.

3 Sitting down to rest on the stump for a while, my stomach rumbled intensely.

4 Looking up, the constellations are in clear view of those of us far away from the city smog.

5 He stands tall, alert and upright in his large silver steel cage, containing his many toys.

6 After being anaesthetised, the arthroscope is introduced into the patient’s knee.

7 Although preferring to watch them live, sports are essentially the only thing she will watch on television.

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Accuracy In your exams, you will need to express information and your ideas not only clearly, but also

accurately. Picture an archery target. The tiny white area in the very middle represents a perfect score. You get fewer points the further out in the rings your arrow lands. If your arrow lands in the outer white circle, you get the lowest score. If you miss the circles altogether, you get no points at all.

Writing a sentence is like aiming an arrow: your goal is to land your arrow as close as possible to the small white dot, which represents ‘a perfect sentence’. That sentence expresses your intended meaning clearly, with every single word doing its job. The further from the centre your dart lands, the less clear your meaning is.

Here’s an opening sentence from a student’s essay on the play Rear Window:Rear Window (1954) directed by Alfred Hitchcock discusses topics such as marriage, gender, community, ethics and voyeurism and crossing social boundaries.

This sentence can be made more precise through better punctuation and word choice:Rear Window (1954), directed by Alfred Hitchcock, examines issues and themes such as marriage and gender roles, the nature of community, the ethics and morality of voyeurism, and the crossing of social boundaries.

ACTIVITY: BEING AN ACTIVE STUDENT OF GOOD ESSAY WRITING

Essayist Geordie Williamson’s advice to budding essay-writers is to ‘read essays—the best you can find, lots of them’.Make your own collection of ‘great essays’. There are hundreds of essays readily available on the internet. Download a few—maybe start with Geordie’s collection of Best Australian Essays, or try the examples listed below. Get yourself a loose leaf folder, and start to collect examples of good essays.

When you find an essay that really appeals to you, print it out or photocopy it, then annotate, highlight or underline the words, phrases and sections that you like. Collect opening paragraphs that really grab your attention. Put them in a separate section of your folder. Choose one opening paragraph that you feel is particularly effective, then create a detailed mind map or set of notes on the key ideas presented in it. Write down the things you don’t understand or that you disagree with, and discuss these with your teacher and fellow students.

SOME GREAT ESSAYISTS AND CLASSIC ESSAYSAnnie Dillard Write Till You Drop (1989) <flexibooks.com.au/w/32>George Orwell Politics and the English Language (1946) <flexibooks.com.au/w/33>Helen Garner Against Embarrassment <flexibooks.com.au/w/34>Jonathan Swift A Modest Proposal (1729) <flexibooks.com.au/w/35>Albert Camus The Myth of Sisyphus (1942) <flexibooks.com.au/w/36>Montaigne Selected Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/37>Joan Didion Selected Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/38>Virginia Woolf Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/39>William Hazlitt Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/40>Anna Krein Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/41>Zadie Smith Essays <flexibooks.com.au/w/43>UNCORRECTED P

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