Enriching Marriage Preparation

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EnrichingMarriage Preparation

The lifelong cycle

Remote

Proximate Immediate

Vademecum for marriage preparation PontificalCouncil for the Family June 2012


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Sacramentum Caritatis Sacrament of Love!

Given the complex cultural context which theChurch today encounters in many countries, [werecommend] devoting maximum pastoral attention totraining couples preparing for marriage .

Serious discernment in this matter will help to avoidsituations where impulsive decisions or superficialreasons lead two young people to take onresponsibilities that they are then incapable ofhonouring. The good that the Church and society asa whole expect from marriage and from the familyfounded upon marriage is so great as to call for fullpastoral commitment to this particular area. para29


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political toxin .. The concept of right and wrong is a barrier to developing a

civilised way of life. This concept of right and wrong should beeradicated. Children have to be freed from prejudices forcedupon them by religious authorities parents are dictators andsuppressors of the child's best nature. Sex education should beintroduced eliminating the ways of the elders, by force ifnecessary. Dr Brock Chisholm, director of the World HealthOrganisation, 1946

It cannot be assumed that men are bound to be an asset tofamily life, or that the presence of fathers in families isnecessarily a means to social harmony and cohesion.

The Family Way: A New Approach to Policy Making. HarrietHarman MP and Patricia Hewitt MP Anna Coote. 1990 Instfor Public Policy Research.


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In our view there is an importantdifference between this factualinformation [about sexual morality]being imparted in a descriptive way aspart of a wide-ranging syllabus about

different religions, and a curriculumwhich teaches a particular religionsdoctrinal beliefs as if they wereobjectively true. The latter is likely to

lead to unjustifiable discrimination(para 67). Parliamentary Joint Committeeon Human Rights :Report on SexualOrientation Regulations Feb 07


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Catholic schools and RE programmes

must guarantee that young people, many

of whom are from broken families, areeducated from a very early age in the

Churchs teaching on the sacrament of

matrimony. JPII


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The Vision of Pope Benedict

The Church, in her concern for man's authenticdevelopment, urges him to have full respect forhuman values in the exercise of his sexuality. Itcannot be reduced merely to pleasure orentertainment, nor can sex education be reducedto technical instruction aimed solely at protecting theinterested parties from possible disease or the riskof procreationIt is irresponsible to viewsexuality merely as a source of pleasure,..Against such policies, there is a need to defendthe primary competence of the family in the area ofsexuality.

Caritas in Veritate n44


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PROBLEMSOF COHABITATION

Higher risk of divorce.

Less satisfactory adiustments in marriage. problematic, lower-qualityrelationships with more individual and couple problems than non-cohabitors.

Harmful effect upon children. much higher incidence of child abuse (10to 33 times more likely with unmarried couples than with marriedcouples).

Cohabiting couples are more likely to:

Duck tough issues. Discuss only in general terms and infrequently,prior to the wedding, sensitive issues like finances, careers, leisureactivities and children.

Repress anger and avoid criticism of each others annoying behavior.

Recourse to sexual intimacy to cover-up the unaddressed issues.

desperately begin to view marriage as the miracle solution to theirconflicts.

Fail to develop realistic and satisfactory financial habits.

Suffer strained relationships with parents, close family members andtreasured friends.

Struggle with an undercurrent of guilt by this violation of one'sconscience or religious upbringing.

ALL AS A RESULT OF THE CONTRACEPTIVE MENTALITY!


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So great and splendid is the role of Christian

parents that Saint Thomas has no hesitation in

comparing it with the ministry of priests:

their awareness that the Lord is entrusting to themthe growth of a child ofGod, a brother or sister of

Christ, a temple of the Holy Spirit, a member of the

Church, will support Christian parents in their task

of strengthening the gift of divine grace in theirchildren's souls. Familiaris Consortio


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Christ renews the first

plan that the Creator

inscribed in the heartsof man and woman,

and in the celebration

of the sacrament of

matrimony offers a

"new heart": thus thecouples are not only

able to overcome

"hardness of heart,

but also and above all

they are able to share

the full and definitive

love of Christ. FC


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Address to Bogota meeting 03/2011 "no effort will be useless in working so that every family,

founded on the indissoluble union between a man and awoman, will carry out its mission."

to be a living cell of society

a seedbed of virtues

a school of constructive and peaceful coexistence

an instrument of concord

a privileged realm in which human life [is] received and

protected, in a joyful and responsible way, from itsbeginning to its natural end

It is also worthwhile to continue to encourage parents intheir right and fundamental obligation to educate thenew generations in the faith and in the values that

dignify human existence


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Familiaris Consortioloving the

family..

..it is an eminent form of

love to give it back its

reasons for confidence in

itself, in the riches that it

possesses by nature and

grace, and in the mission

that God has entrusted to

it. .. the families of today

must be called back totheir original position.

They must follow Christ.


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Pastoral honesty.....

I disagree with the common practice of afew Pre-Cana Sundays or a weekend as

the sole preparation... The reality is that

we far too frequently pay lip service topremarital preparation, yet wring our

hands over every divorce. I blame no one,

except, perhaps, myself as bishop, for

demanding too many things of our priestsand providing them too little help.

Cardinal John OConnor, New York.


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Marriage Preparation

continue to place strong emphasis on

marriage as a Christian vocation to which

couples are called and to give them the means

to live it fully through marital preparation

programmes which are serious in purpose,

excellent in content, sufficient in length and

obligatory in naturePope John Paul II


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Engage = Six Sessions

1. Mission to love

2. Dialogue: Being One

3. Forgiveness & Life Long Union

4. Knowing Me Knowing You

5. Sex: Sacred Embrace

5a. Life gives Love

6. Spirituality: Soul Mates for Life


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Role of the mentor

1. Witness

2. Facilitate learning

3. Content & elaborate


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Objectives & Principles

of Engage

Promotional DVD


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Purpose of Catholic Marriage Prep

1. Relationship Skills communication (feelings, listening)

conflict resolution, reconciliation

decision making

2. Issues clarification

family of origin, expectations

values, beliefs

3. Knowledge/Information Fertility awareness

wedding ceremony

4. Sacrament Preparation

Marriage

Matrimony


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Engage Objectives

Prepare for marriage

Provide relational skills

Empower their sacramentality

Embrace them into the parish / Church

community

Provide a contact point for the future

if / when needed


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Key Elements Integration of sexuality and spirituality

Integration of contemporary psychology,

neurobiology and Catholic theology

(Theology of the Body) Educative and experiential

Led by married couple who provide:

- Knowledge and insight- Witness

- Ongoing relationship

-collaboration with clergy


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Mentor Based

provides best possible input to engagedcouples:

Team spirit; able to be more open

Can be flexible and responsive

but also great formation for the mentors

themselves: Learn through teaching

Engaged are great to be around (remind

us to be lovers!)


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1: Mission to Love

Marriage as Mission, being intentional

Gender differences

Love as a gift of self

Smart Loving Cherish & Respect

Affirmation, sexual affirmation

Tool: Daily Affirmation


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2: Dialogue: Being One

Communication

Speaker-Listener Technique

Communicating for Intimacy feelings

LIFE Emotional Communion

Gender differences

Tool: Daily Strongest Feeling


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3: Forgiveness & Life Long Union

Values & Ideals

Conflicting values, embracing values

Value Based Decision Making

Tool: Stop-Reflect-Connect

Conflict & reconciliation

Tool: Stop-Discover-Reflect-Connect


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4: Knowing Me, Knowing You

Formation: adopted, rejected

Expectations

Tool: Stop-Reflect-Connect

Love of Intimacy & Benevolence

Forgiveness & Healing

Marriage Saboteurs love busters

Love Builders genuine affirmation


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5a: Love Gives Life

(Take Home CD/DVD)

Sex in Image of the Trinity

Unity & Life-giving: inseparable

Natural Fertility Awareness

Total Gift ofSelf DVD/pack www.totalgift.org

Tool: One Heart Discernment


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5: Sex: Sacred Embrace

Body language

Sex as activity (vs communication)

Message of Intercourse

Sacred Body Language

Sexual integrity

Sexual Atmosphere

Tool: Connect Cuddle, Connect Kiss


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A Vision for Life and Love

Common Myths about the Church

Couples must have large families.

Contraception is wrong because it is

artificial.


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Whats the Moral Difference?

By what means can a couple manage

their fertility when necessary?

Natural Methods Contraception

Outcome PregnancyAvoided

Pregnancy Avoided

MeansFertility not

altered

Fertility suppressed

or destroyed

Sacred

Meaning

of Sex

Preserved

= total gift of self

Diminished

not a total gift of

self (fertility

rejected)


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How Many Children Should

a Couple Have?Responsible Parenthood

The Church encourages

couples to plan their families

responsibly with

consideration given to their

commitment to God, to eachother, to their family and to

society. Humanae Vitae n9.


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Natural Fertility Methods & Treatments

Restores and heals fertility.

Conception occurs naturally throughintercourse.

Sacred meaning of sexual love is

preserved. Avoids destruction of embryos.


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Relational Benefits

Knowledge of body

mutualappreciation, sense of awe & wonder

Appreciation of the sacred in love

making

Shared responsibility, promotes unity

No side effects, avoids resentment

More varied and active sensuallife

Sexual Integrity speak the truth in

your body

With my body I thee worshipSarum Rite


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Infertile Couples

Restoration of Fertility

Natural Fertility Methods can help

diagnose many fertility problems. NaProtechnology can treat reproductive

disorders such as endometriosis,

hormonal imbalances, polycystic ovarysyndrome and others. Ethically sound,

restores fertility, & natural conception.


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Information

Details of how and where to accessprofessional instruction in fertility

awareness etc

www.totalgift.org


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Matrimony: Image of Christ & Church

Christs Love

Faithful

Humble Servant

Merciful

Patient

Heals

Feeds with body

Sexual M. Love

Committed

Devoted, serve

Forgiving

Accepting

Heals

Nourish (encourage)

Passionate, urgent, total, life-giving, forgiving


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A FINAL THOUGHT..........

EXORCISING THE DEMON OF

MANICHEAISM THROUGH THE

AWARENESS AND PRAYER OF AGONY

TO HELP SPOUSES EMBRACE THIS NOT

JUST AS A SPIRITUAL IDEAL BUT AS A

HALLMARK OF OUR PHYSIOLOGICAL

REALITY.....


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SACRFICE IS WRITTEN IN TO THE CORE OF OUR

PHYSIOLOGY!

We are completely designed by the God of Calvary . Laminins are a family of proteins that are an integral part

of the structural scaffolding of basement membranes

Laminins are what hold us together.. LITERALLY.

They are cell adhesion molecules.

They are what holds one cell of our bodies to the next

cell.

Without them, we would literally fall apart. Look up laminin in any scientific/medical piece of

literature, this is what you will see...


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Our bodies are the prayer of agony for

glory

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Enriching Marriage Preparation