Comment on the Title, Introduction, and Conclusion. Do they demonstrate techniques from the Course Documents from the class? How could they be better developed? The title is good I think because it is so straightforward. The opening and closing paragraphs follow suit and are strong in that sense as well.

Comment on the Introduction. Does it need to be more direct? Does it follow the

guidelines of the “Introductions” Course Document? The introduction is good but I think it could slightly more concise or straight to the point.

Comment upon whether at least 5 outside sources are employed, and whether

they are not just introduced, but analyzed. You do not have 5 sources. Also comment upon whether *relationships between sources* are discussed, and

if this should be more developed. Examples: “Quindlen’s argument uses similar appeals to Rodriguez’s, but it differs in her call to action”; or “Unlike Chang, Rodriguez believes…” I think this aspect of the paper should be more developed. I could not find any instances where the relationship was discussed.

Is there at least one source that differs from the paper’s opinion (your peer’s

opinion)? I could not find an opposing source. Are some positive points of that opposing viewpoint discussed? At least one

differing view should be discussed in more than one sentence, and the merits of that point should be mentioned. Comment on this. No opposing source.

Are there 5 sources incorporated into the paper yet? Are at least two of them

books? No Identify the part of the paper where a clear argument is persuasively made that

discusses the 5 sources and your peer’s opinions (such as, “Page 2, paragraph 3 is where you outline the main argument of the paper”). If you do not find a central argument yet, let your peer know that one needs to be clarified or developed. T think you have a strong central argument that is outlined in the first paragraphed and supported in the body.

Are complete author names and the full titles of their publications introduced when

being paraphrased or quoted for the first time? I could not find where you introduce Joan O’Brien

Are the in-text citations in correct MLA form? Do they match the first/leading piece

of information in the Works Cited? Yes When paraphrasing, is it clear when paraphrasing both (1) begins (author/article

should be referred to) and (2) ends (clear where your peer’s words pick up again)? If there is paraphrasing in the draft, comment on one specific instance and how it is handled. Yes it is clear. The paraphrasing in the first paragraph does this well.

Are the outside sources relevant? Are the sources helpful, and, most importantly,

are there questions that you have as a reader that are not answered or supported that could use outside expertise? I think the outside sources are very relevant and shed light on the issue being discussed.

Is the Works Cited page part of the document with continuous page numbers? Are the names of the databases in which each source was found (EbscoHost, JSTOR, etc.) on the Works Cited entries? If the sources are E-books, they should list the source they are from (such as Ebrary) or state “Print” if they are hard-copy books. Work Cited is part of document but no numbering. I think they are cited correctly.

What unanswered questions do you have after reading this paper? Give some

thought to this. I have some questions as to what is being said in response to the points made in the paper or in other words the opposing views of those who do not agree with the argument. I think discussing these and explaining whether they are valid or not would add credibility and strength to the argument.

Address 2 specific strengths and 2 specific areas that could be improved with

revision. Refer to particular paragraphs and sentences, such as, “On page 3, in the third paragraph, you bring everything together when you write …”

Two strengths are that there is a clear main argument and that the argument is made very concisely. Weaknesses are lack of opposing source and not much backing up of your opinions by outside sources of facts, testimonies etc.

Comment upon whether the writer has edited and proofread carefully and used

spell-check. You do not need to look for grammar issues—just look for things that stick out to you, such as missing words or misspellings that you notice. Looks like it is proof read.