Energize Your Organization with a Dramatically Fresh Kind of … · 2018-04-03 · to grow in your leadership by energizing your organization through fresh conversations. The aim

Managance Consulting & Coaching www.managance.com

Energize Your Organization with a

Dramatically Fresh Kind of Conversation

American Association of Medical Society Executives

Deep Dive Workshop - July 29, 2017

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If you are looking at this workbook you are already a leader in your job and in the way you approach

your life! You motivate yourself every day and you influence many other people along the way – leaders

you report to or leaders who report to you - to positive, purposeful action. You also are looking for ways

to grow in your leadership by energizing your organization through fresh conversations.

The aim of this companion workbook is to provide information, offer you the opportunity to gain insight

and awareness into your listening and conversations and to make some changes and shifts in how you

have conversations to energize your organization. Feel free to take notes and use this workbook in ways

that you find useful.

If you would like to discuss any of the contents of the workbook or anything from the session further

with me, please feel free to contact me by email at [email protected] or by phone at 301-260-

9503. I look forward to continuing our conversation together.

Best regards,

Denice R. Hinden, PhD, PCC

President

Managance Consulting & Coaching

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Table of Contents

Item Page

Cultural Introduction Notes Sheet 4

Rules of Engagement 5

Five Conversational Blind Spots 6

Listening Benchmarks 8

Leadership Conversations Rating Work Sheet 9

Conversational Dashboard 10

7 Tools for Conversations in Healthy Thriving

Organizations 11

Conversational Action Plan 14

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Cultural Introduction Notes Sheet

Use the space below to make notes about 5-6 things that distinguish your cultural identity and that you

are comfortable sharing about who you are. Cultural elements include:

• where you grew up

• number of siblings & where you are in the birth order

• something that made a big impression on you as a child

• something that helped inform your career path

• if you’ve traveled extensively internationally or domestically and where

• if you're married, who your partner is

• the kinds of books you like to read in their spare time, movies you like to see, music you enjoy

• other distinguishing things about you…

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What are the practices or “rules” that would give this session the best outcome?

What conditions – behaviors, attitudes, etc. – do you think are necessary to create the most

trusting conversational space?

for Coaches

Conversational

2016

© 1986-2016 Benchmark Communications, Inc.Co-creating Conversations® The Creating WE InstituteConversational Intelligence® for Coaches

FIVE CONVERSATIONAL BLIND SPOTSHow do we become more conversationally intelligent?

One way to improve is by recognizing and overcoming the five mostcommon conversational blind spots.

Blind Spot #1: Assuming everyone thinks like me.

An assumption that others see what we see, feel what we feel, and think what we think. Backstory: When we are engrossed and attached to our point of view, we are unable to connect with others’ perspectives. If we did, we would realize how differently they see the world. Yet our bodies pick up the lack of connectivity and switch on a stronger need to persuade others we are right. Human beings actually have a high addiction to being right. When we persuade others we are right, our dopamine level goes up. It’s like a natural high—dopamine is part of the brain’s reward center. Winning a point makes us feel good—it makes others feel bad, but we often don’t realize that.

Blind Spot #3: I am too fearful to empathize.

An inability to stand in each other’s shoes when we are fearful or upset characterizes Blind Spot #3. Backstory: Researchers in Parva, Italy, led by Giacomo Rizzolatti discovered, through their 1999 research on monkeys (and later humans), that our brain has unique neurons called mirror neurons. These neurons give us a view into what others feel, think, and intend. When we listen deeply, turn off our judgmentmechanisms, and allow ourselves to connect with others, we are activating the mirror neuron system, now thought of as ‘having empathy for others.’ Yet when we are fearful,that power to connect becomes disconnected, and our sensitivity to others’ perspectives recedes.

Blind Spot #2: Feelings change our reality.

The failure to realize that fear, trust, and distrust changes how we see and interpret reality, and therefore how we talk about it. Backstory: When in a state of fear, we release cortisol and catecholamines, which closes down the prefrontal cortex. We feel threatened, move into protective behaviors, and often don’t even realize we are doing it.

Well, I’m notlistening tothis guy...

o oo

NO

,

I T’ S

A B O U T M E !

I T ’ S A L L AB

OU

T

ME

!

for Coaches

Conversational

2016


Blind Spot #4: I remember, therefore I know.

The assumption that we remember what others say, when we actually remember what we think about what others say. Backstory: Researchers have concluded two things. One is that we drop out of conversations every twelve to eighteen seconds to process what people are saying; two, we often remember what we think about what another person is saying because that is a stronger internal process and chemical signal. In other words, our internal listening and dialogue trumps the other person’s speech.

All human beings have blind spots. We can’t focus on everything at the same time – if we did we would lose our minds. Too much data to process, too much confusion, no logical threads to guide us forward. So blind spots are in many ways a natural part of our human system to prevent us from ‘going crazy.’ What we do need to know about blind spots are how they work and what happens when we are so incredibly driven by our I-centric impulses to protect ourselves. In these cases our blindspots take us down a path of conversational ignorance. We stop listening deeply to others, we think they know what we mean when they don’t, we lose our ability to stand in each other’s shoes and empathize. Understanding our 5 Conversational Blind Spots and learning to step through them into insight and awareness of others – strengthens our ability to create healthy environments for trust to emerge.

Blind Spot #5: I am listening so I actually know what you really mean.

The assumption that meaning resides in the speaker, when in fact it resides in the listener, characterizes Blind Spot #5. Backstory: For me to make meaning I need to draw out what I think you are saying from my vault ofexperiences, specifically from the hippocampus, where memory is stored in the limbic system, or emotional brain; or I may draw from the neocortex, where I store memories of what to do and how to do it. My brain will pull themeaning from my experiences and I then bring them into the conversation to make sense of what I hear. That’s why “in my mind’s eye” I can see a totally different picture of what you are saying than what your mind sees. Meaningresides in the listener until the speaker takes the time to validate and link back to make sure both have the same picture and shared meaning.

Is hestening to me?

Let’s see,what wasI thinking?O

OOO

OO

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Leadership Conversations Rating Worksheet

1) Think about how your leadership team works together. Using a “*” (star) rate how your

team conversations currently reflect the dynamics below where 5 = exemplary, 4 = very

well, 3 = okay, 2 = poorly and 1 = not at all. Connect the stars with a line to appreciate

your strengths and where you have some work to do.

2) Next using an “o” (circle) rate how your own leadership conversations currently reflect

these dynamics using the same scale. Connect the circles with a line to appreciate the

team’s strengths and where you have some work to do.

Inclusive Appreciative Expansive Sharing Discovering Developing Celebratory

Exclusive Judgmental Limiting Withholding Knowing Dictating Critical

Adapted by Managance Consulting & Coaching

Source: Conversational Intelligence® Judith E. Glaser

MOST

LEAST


2016

CONVERSATIONAL DASHBOARD TM

PRIMING FOR TRUSTWhen we are in a state of distrust, the worldfeels threatening. Threats make us retreat, andwe feel we need to protect ourselves. Neuro-scientists say that threats trigger the ReptilianBrain; we get an Amygdala Hijack and experi-ence higher levels of cortisol and adrenaline.The fear networks in our brains cause us to either ‘fight, flee, freeze, or appease’ others.

If the interaction feels safe and positive, weproduce more oxytocin and dopamine. Theseneurotransmitters help us relax, feel open toothers, and create a state of trust. OurPrefrontal Cortex opens up and we have accessto empathy, judgment and higher decision making and innovation capabilities. Our heartbeats at a more coherent rate and we connectwith others more deeply.

“I want to influence youto my point of view. I’m not open to yours.”

“I want to learn morefrom you, but….”

“How can we share and discover our bestcurrent thinking?”

“How can we createnew possibilitiestogether?”

“I’m uncertain,am I valued andaccepted?”

MIND SET INNER REALITY OUTER REALITY

RESISTOR

SKEPTIC

Not feeling inalignment–createsresistance

Out of alignment–raises doubt

WAIT & SEE Waits for othersbefore committing

EXPERIMENTOR Desires toexperiment

CO-CREATOR Builds newmeaning

Perceived to have strongbeliefs and opinions –not open to influence

Appears to be doubtfuland judgmental

Seems always tentativeabout what or whom to trust

Seen as someone withthe courage to takerisks, and trust

Willingness to transform reality with others in aWE-centric way

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7 Tools for Conversations in Healthy Thriving Organizations

Instructions: Briefly describe a real situation where you want to improve the conversation.

How could you up-regulate - use more of each element too - during and after conversations?

INCLUDE

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• How do you feel about what’s going on?

• What are your instincts telling you about how to handle this?

• Who else can help us?

• Notes & Discovery Questions:

APPRECIATE

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• I don’t have all the answers, I’d really like your perspective on this.

• I won’t be angry if you put the real issues on the table. We’re in this together.

• What would you like to know about this?


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EXPAND

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• Let’s create a sense of excitement and ambition around this issue and

see what emerges.

• Let’s start from fresh perspective and see how we can…

• What is your dream about this?


SHARE

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• What can we together to make a difference?

• What if we pooled our resources, how could we cut costs?

• Do you have another perspective we should consider?


DISCOVER

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• What is the reality of the situation?

• What options do we have to get what we need?

• What is worrying you?


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DEVELOP

• Means...

• Ask or Say:

• There’s no risk in talking about it.

• Let’s experiment and dare to try!

• What could a small pilot look like? If it doesn’t work we don’t

have to adopt it.


CELEBRATE

Means...

Ask or Say:

What worked well that we can do more of?

What were the strengths we brought to the table?

What’s possible from here?

Notes & Discovery Questions:

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Conversational Action Plan

Based on the deep dive we took today into energizing conversations, envision energizing conversations in your organization over the next 6 months?

In your vision, imagine what you will hear move of that is inclusive, appreciative, expansive, sharing, discovering, developing and celebratory. What 3

conversation tools and techniques will you experiment with to realize your vision? What changes or shifts in your conversations will be important?

What other resources are necessary to support your practice and energize your conversations?

My Vision for Energizing

Conversations

Actions I Will Implement To

Carry Out My Vision

Changes/Shifts I Need to Make to

Realize My Vision

People & Other Resources I Need to

Support My Changes/Shifts

Documents

Energize Your Organization with a Dramatically Fresh Kind of … · 2018-04-03 · to grow in your leadership by energizing your organization through fresh conversations. The aim