EMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACE - Yale UniversityHOW DOES EMPATHY WORK? •Mirror Neurons •Oxytocin •Other Friday, February 22, 13 WHY EMPATHY? •Increased job satisfaction •increased

EMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACEPresented by: Joe BrummerCommunity Mediation, Inc.

Friday, February 22, 13




WHAT IS EMPATHY?The ability to:1.) recognize and understand another’s emotions without feeling those emotions yourself (known Affective Empathy)

2.) the ability to take another’s perspective and see the world from their shoes (known as Theory of Mind or Cognitive Empathy)


HOW DOES EMPATHY WORK?

•Mirror Neurons

•Oxytocin•Other


WHY EMPATHY?•Increased job satisfaction

•increased productivity

•clarity

•better designs and more creativity

•connection to your customer

•leadershipFriday, February 22, 13

THE “E” TEST


SOURCE: KELLOGG SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT

“The key is to strike a delicate balance between action-orientation and perspective-taking. It’s not a matter of deciding between hitting your numbers or drawing the E. It’s a matter of hitting your numbers by drawing the E.”

~Daniel Pink: Drive, The Truth About What Motivates Us.

Self-oriented “E” Other-oriented “E”


CONNECTION:

“The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

~ Brene Brown, PhD, L.M.S.W. The Gifts of Imperfection


Needs Language:Source: W. Glasser, PhD


Integrated Clarity


THE FOUR D’S OF DISCONNECTION

•Diagnosing: Telling people “what” they are rather than “what” we need.

•Deserve Language: Who is right, wrong, good, bad and who deserves to be rewarded or punished.

•Denying Choice/Responsibility: blaming others for our feelings, obscuring choice by saying, “I had to” or “You have to” – inducing guilt and/or shame.

•Demanding: threatening, bribing, bullying –inducing fear of punishment or promise of reward.


Words/Phrases that Disconnect:

Ought

ShouldWith all due respect…BUT!

HOWEVER

Have to…I am sorry to say...

MUST!!


WHAT IS NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is sometimes referred to as compassionate communication. Its purpose is to strengthen our ability to inspire compassion from others and to respond compassionately to others and to ourselves. NVC guides us to reframe how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.


The Four-Step Model of NVCConnection Fight, Flight, Freeze

O Make clear Observations Make evaluations

F true feelings Share thoughts

N Express universal needs Give strategies

R Make actionable & present requests Make Demands


SAYING IT WITH NVC:Honest expressionHonest expression Giving empathyGiving empathy

Observation When I see… Observation When you see …

Feeling I feel… Feeling Are you feeling

Need Because I need… Need Because you

RequestWould you be willing to… Request Would you like


THREE MODES OF LISTENING: 1) FIX IT! Approach Sounds like this…

Advising “I think you should …” “Why don’t you …”

One upping “That’s nothing; wait till you hear what happened to me!”

Educating “You'll know better next time” - “What did you learn from that?” - “That’s not a feeling.”

Consoling “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.” - “Why would anyone do that to you?”

Story telling “That reminds me of the time…” - “I know what you mean, it’s just like when …”

Shutting down “Cheer up. Don’t feel so bad.” - “On the bright side, you still have …”

Sympathizing “Oh, you poor thing…” “That’s horrible.”

Interrogating “When did this happen?” “Who was it?”

Explaining “I would have called but…”

Correcting “That’s not how it happened.” “You mean last week."


Approach Sounds like this…

Competition“You’re WRONG!” and “I am RIGHT” and even if I am not

“right” I am going to prove “You are wrong” anyway…

Revenge“You don’t know what you are talking about”“Does anyone have any intelligent questions”

“I’ll teach you to question my authority”

Silence to remain safe ***Crickets Chirping***

Three Modes of Listening: 2) Competition


Three Modes of Listening: 3) EmpathyPresence

Silent Empathy

Understanding

Needs Language

(OFNR)


PARA-PHRASING IN NVCQuestions about:

• What others are observing

• How others are feeling and the needs generating their feelings

• What others are requesting

Examples:

• “Are you reacting to how many evenings I was gone last week?”

• “Are you feeling hurt because you would have liked more appreciation of your efforts than you received?”

• “Are you wanting me to tell you my reasons for saying


The Four Choices to Responding

Fight or FlightFight or Flight ConnectionConnection

Blame others Blame self Hear my needsConnection with Other’s

Needs

Fight Flight Honesty Empathy

Power over Power under Power with Power with


Expressing/Receiving

PRACTICING Gratitude

Steps Components

Observation What were the actions that contributed to our well being?

Feelings How did we feel about that?

Needs What needs were met by the action?


FINAL THOUGHTS:• Start every meeting with a celebration (come from a place of

gratitude and empathy.• Practice circles when needed for support, design, innovation.• Level out the power in your organization, team, and trade it

for connection, remember authority vs. control vs. engagement.

• Hire your customers• Humanize the workplace (Be Human: don’t just jump to

business, empathize first, business second)• Include a check in and a check out


Documents

EMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACE - Yale UniversityHOW DOES EMPATHY WORK? •Mirror Neurons •Oxytocin •Other Friday, February 22, 13 WHY EMPATHY? •Increased job satisfaction •increased