On a beautiful sunny day on 13thAugust 1997, Emily was born and my world was complete. After a lengthy and emotional IVF journey, Emily was here and she was perfect. Emily developed textbook style over the next year and by her 1stbirthday, she was walking and had started to say a few words. She slept well and was happy. Friends would say that she was a joy to have around, because she was so easy. Little did I know these same friends would disappear into the woodwork just a few months later.One day, when Emily was about 15 months old, I went into her bedroom to get her up and instead of standing at the edge of the cot with her arms out, she was sitting with her back to me, and did not react to me entering the room. The only way I can describe Emily over the next 6 months is, it was like she had a dimmer switch on her and week by week, some unseen force was turning it down, just a little, until she was gone. My beautiful daughter now did not need anyone. She looked at no-one, she reacted to no-one and she seemed to want nothing. She would sit for hours behind the sofa in our lounge, just gazing and the words she had been using, disappeared! I was frantic I tried everything to engage her, but I could run into the room, jump in the air, shout, laugh, sing, cuddle her nothing worked and she remained switched off and locked in her own world!Over the next few months, things went from bad to worse. Emily stopped sleeping and just screamed. Ordinary, everyday activities became impossible. Emily would not eat, she was difficult to dress because she kicked and screamed, and the biting and scratching .. I cannot even begin to explain what I felt when Emily bit and scratched me and pulled my hair .. I honestly thought she hated me! She would literally bare her teeth and run at me she was 2 years old!I would spend my day watching her line things up and flick her fingers and I would try to interact with her. I bought almost every toy and gimmick in the shops to try to engage her in some way. Friends stopped calling! I felt scared, inadequate and desperate and now very isolated and alone. Then something happened that kicked me so hard, I had to do something. I went upstairs one evening, to check if Emily was asleep and was met by the most horrendous smell!!! I turned the light on in her bedroom and saw faeces everywhere. Emily had smeared her faeces all over the yellow carpet, the walls and her bed. She was fast asleep in the middle of this hell, completely oblivious to the horror of it all. I just sank to the floor and cried.For me, that was the lowest point in Emilys journey and we decided to have her privately assessed, to find out what was happening. Emily was diagnosed as just inside severely autistic when she was 2 years old. I sat in the consultants room and listened to his every word, as he explained that Emily would never talk, never have friends, never marry, never hug anyone, never read and write, never work and really the most we could expect was that by the time she had finished school, she would be able to make a sandwich and prepare vegetables. I looked over at my beautiful daughter, lining up toys on the carpet and could hardly breathe! Was that it? Surely this wasnt right? Just after Emilys 3rdbirthday, we started our ABA program, which was to be 40 hours per week for the next three years and Emily hated it and screamed and kicked and fought and bit. After 3 years, yes, Emily did know many things and had learnt that she had to do what we wanted her to do. However, outside of her therapy room, she still remained shut off and wanted nothing to do with me or Robert and did not speak. She had absolutely no eye contact and preferred to spend her free-time lining up anything she could get her hands on toys, cutlery, cushions, videos. We would have lines of things beautifully placed all over our home.One night, after I had finally got Emily to sleep, I sat at my computer and googled autism recovery. It was the beginning of an amazing journey for all three of us. At around 2 in the morning, I found a program called Son Rise! I noted that there was a talk on this program in London in a couple of weeks, booked two tickets and went to bed happy. I gathered a team of students who would come to the house to play with Emily. The focus was always interaction, but it was completely at Emilys pace and if she wanted to disappear into her own world again, this time we went with her, quietly and respectfully, until she came back to us.Over the next 2 years, Emily blossomed. She giggled, hugged, kissed, started to talk, read and write and gradually started to take notice of the world around her.The relationship I longed to have with her, was finally happening! We took her on a plane for the first time and she loved it. We took her to restaurants and she developed a taste for all kinds of foods. We started to turn her love of throwing paper into developing ball skills and we would spend all day in her playroom, just being. For the first time, I did not need Emily to conform to anything and felt honoured to share her life with her. I didnt judge her behaviour some days were more challenging than others but every day was a good day!Life with Emily today is wonderful. She is happy and funny. She talks more each day and is starting to read and write. She loves trampolining, badminton, table tennis, racket ball, swimming, cooking, baking, riding her scooter, going to the pictures, shopping for clothes, playing on her laptop and iPad and gosh, how she loves cuddles. Emily is now in a wonderful school, where she is starting to make friends for the first time. Looking back overthe last 15 years, I am so glad Emily is in mylife. She has taught me so much to be gentle, to celebrate everything,to take nothing for granted,to be fascinatedbythe most simple things in life and most of all, to be happy just being me.The Autism Nannywww.theautismnanny.co.uk