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Effective Formal Writing
University of New Brunswick
Topics
1. Grammatical Bugbears2. Diction: Clarity vs. Clichés3. Sentence Length: Coherence and
Purpose4. Argument and Evidence5. Logic6. Thesis Statements and Essay
Structure
Bugbears(illus. Sir John Tenniel, Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.)
What Are Bugbears?
O Grammatical howlers, frequently merely conventional or formal errors
O Many do not impair the effectiveness of the communication
O Do we have to judge them?O Consider:
Hamlet was suppose to chastise his mother and kill his uncle, but his essentially contemplative nature prevented him from taking effective action until events outpaced him.
suppose to
A Sad History of Prejudice
O Some bugbears are artificial—beginning a sentence with “because”“splitting the infinitive”O Language is constantly changingO HOWEVER, a minimal level of
competence is necessary to ensure a fair hearing for your work
O “Status markers” will overshadow a writer’s accomplishment . . .
Where Writing Places You
On a porch playing the banjo . . . ?
In an office making decisions . . . ?
Grammatical BugbearsO Cannot be ignored (“use to,” “should
of,” “with regards to”)O Will always overshadow genuine
achievement to some degreeO Technology cannot yet save us--
MS Word May Not Help!
MS Word May Not Help!
2. DictionO By this point, writers have completed
an apprenticeship during which expansiveness and dilation have been emphasized over precision and economy
O It is time to require them to chooseO The right words and O Words they know and can use well.
Clichés• At the end of the day• Fairly unique• I personally• At this moment in
time• With all due respect• It comes down to
• Absolutely• It’s a nightmare• Shouldn’t of• 24/7• It’s not rocket science• The bigger picture
• “The bigger picture”
Vague Phrasal Verbs
“Of course, the heartbreaking lyrics of dying love are something to which almost everyone can relate.”
O “relate to”O What can it mean?
Novelty & VocabularyO “make it new” is not the always best
advice for selecting wordsO Accuracy and familiarity (of
individual words, not phrases) are crucial
O The evil comes from overly familiar phrases and unnecessarily obscure words
Complex DictionO What do people REALLY think of
overly complex diction?
O D. Oppenheimer, Stanford U (2003): O people who use unnecessarily
complicated language are viewed as less intelligent than people who use more familiar language
Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized
Irrespective of Necessity:
Problems With Using Long Words Needlessly
Effective Diction
Diction should be . . .O As simple as the subject permits
(but no simpler!)O As fresh as possibleO Exact and concreteO Appropriate to the audience and
the writer
The aforementioned contretemps makes Cordelia feel really bad about things.The aforementioned contretemps makes Cordelia feel really bad about things.
Ready‑Made Phrases
O Like Frankenstein's monster, "ready‑made" writing is stitched together out of dead parts.
O Avoid phrases that “sound appropriate”
O Use only words you need—and your audience understands
Basic Inflation
• Based on the fact that• Due to the fact that• Exhibit a tendency to• For the purpose of• For the reason that• In spite of the fact
that
Because
Because
Tend to
For
Because
Although
Ready-madesO to the extent that O plays a leading role in O on a daily basis O the fact that O in the event that
Other Types of Repetition
Pointless bifurcation: O basic and fundamental O last and final O issues and concernsO full and complete
Other Types of Repetition
Redundant Phrasal Verbs:O erode awayO continue on O circulate around O enter into
Other Types of Repetition
Redundant Adjectives/Adverbs O future plans O consensus of opinion O especially unique O potential hazard O final outcome
Why Wordiness?O Most of these choices are the result
of “length anxiety”O From early grades, length is the
measure of achievementO Students learn to pad—to be honest,
we teach them to do it
3. Length & CoherenceO Students are urged to vary the form
and length of their sentencesO Length in the wrong place is
dangerousO Proceed with cautionO Selecting length with a clear purpose
is one challengeO Coherence is another
LENGTH QUALITY8 words very easy11 words easy14 words fairly easy17-19 words standard21-24 words fairly difficult25-28 words difficult29+ words very difficult
Why Variety?O There should be a relationship
between the length of a sentence and its purpose
O Variety for its own sake is not enough
O A long sentence should be long for a reason. . . .
Length: AccumulatioWhy dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox withthe pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that grey Iniquity, that father Ruffian, that Vanity in years?
1 Henry IV, 2.5.409-14
Accumulatio—and Contrast
Falstaff is not evil because of his ambition, but because of his gluttony, his sloth, his skill at concealing the truth, his reluctance to recognize his vice, his inability to reform himself, and his ability to make all of this seem humorous and attractive. He makes a bad companion for Hal.
Contrasting Brevity
Macbeth seeks out the Weird Sisters, hoping for certainty in the face of the growing chaos that threatens to destroy his tumultuous newly-stolen kingdom. He does not find it.
Sentence 1 is sentence 2 squared (25 versus 5 words)
Sentence 1 is sentence 2 squared (25 versus 5 words)
Variety in LengthO More gradual variations in length are
possibleO A number of short sentences in
succession can create a feeling of urgency in a narrative or passion in an argument
O Increasing length of successive sentences can build to the climax of an argument
O At the higher levels, variations in length should always reflect the rhetorical goal
Long, Graceful Sentences
O A long sentence should still be readableO Key tactic: Move from subject to verb
quicklyO Avoid delaying the subject-verb
progression with long intervening elements
O A sentence which moves from subject to verb rapidly will still be readable even when it is quite long
Too Long Subject
Explaining why Shakespeare decided to have Lady Macbeth die offstage rather than letting the audience see her die has to do with understanding the audience’s reactions to Macbeth’s death.
Long Subject
Explaining why Shakespeare Explaining why Shakespeare decided to have Lady Macbeth die decided to have Lady Macbeth die offstage rather than letting the offstage rather than letting the audience see her die audience see her die has to do with understanding the audience’s reactions to Macbeth’s death.
18-word subject—in a 29-word sentence !
18-word subject—in a 29-word sentence !
To the Subject and Beyond
Because Shakespeare wanted the Because Shakespeare wanted the audience to focus on Macbeth’s audience to focus on Macbeth’s death, death, he decided to have Lady Macbeth die offstage. 1. Turn a long subject into
an introductory clause2. You do not have to state
“explaining why” Just because you ARE explaining why!
3. Don’t waste time telling the reader that you WILL say something—later.
1. Turn a long subject into an introductory clause
2. You do not have to state “explaining why” Just because you ARE explaining why!
3. Don’t waste time telling the reader that you WILL say something—later.
Improving a Long Sentence
Evidence in the dialogue between Evidence in the dialogue between Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, for his incestuous feelings for his incestuous feelings included the authority he assumes over her, the bitterness of his manner, and his focus on her sexual relations with his uncle.
Not extreme—14/36—but awkward
Not extreme—14/36—but awkward
The list itself is fine—good, parallel items.
The list itself is fine—good, parallel items.
Improving a Long Sentence
Evidence in the dialogue between Evidence in the dialogue between Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, for his incestuous feelings for his incestuous feelings included the authority he assumes over her, the bitterness of his manner, and his focus on her sexual relations with his uncle.
Some unnecessary overhead—”evidence in the dialogue”—and a weak verb (“included”)
Some unnecessary overhead—”evidence in the dialogue”—and a weak verb (“included”)
Trimming
between between Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, for his incestuous feelings for his incestuous feelings the authority he assumed over her, the bitterness of his manner, and his focus on her sexual relations with his uncle.
Now make Hamlet and Gertrude ACTORS in the sentence. . . .
Now make Hamlet and Gertrude ACTORS in the sentence. . . .
Making Hamlet Act
HamletHamlet shows his incestuous feelings for Gertrude through the authority he assumes over her, the bitterness of his manner, and his focus on her sexual relations with his uncle.Now make
Hamlet and Gertrude ACTORS in the sentence. . . .
Now make Hamlet and Gertrude ACTORS in the sentence. . . .
Good and LongO Long sentences can be highly
readable—especially if the subject of the main clause is brief and clear
O Get the reader to the verb quicklyO Coordination and subordination can
extend the readable lengthO Skilful parallelism uses the reader’s
expectations to extend the sentence intelligibly
How to Ruin a Sentence
O Counterintuitive exerciseO Take a good, clear sentence—and
ruin it by relying on nominalizationsO Nominalizations are nouns created
from verbs
Nominalizations
allocation allocate
assessment assess
compliance comply
determination determine
expectations expect
exposure expose
[had] hopes [of] hoped
A Good Start
Hagar first fails her father, Jason Curry.
ACTOR as SUBJECT
STRONG VERB
A Good Start
Hagar fails her father, Jason Curry.
NOMINALIZATION
failure
Rebuild the sentence around “failure”Rebuild the sentence around “failure”
. . . Turned Bad
The first failure that Hagar experiences is in regard to her father, Jason Curry.
failure
Six-word subject before weak verb “is”Six-word subject before weak verb “is”
Clumsy “in regard to” linkClumsy “in regard to” link
How Bad Is It?O Turning 7 words into 14 words is not
the end of the world, BUTO habitual nominalization destroys
good, clear writingO DOUBLING the length without
increasing the content is unforgiveable
O Remember George Orwell’s old joke. . . .
Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.
I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
Passage 1:
• 38 words of 90 syllables• vocabulary: educated (18 from Latin roots, 1 from Greek)• no clear images
Passage 2:
• 49 words with 60 syllables• vocabulary: everyday life
• 6 simple, vivid images
4. Argument & Evidence (in essays)• Close work with the text is crucial
• Three basic techniques:1.Block quotations2.Embedded quotations3.Paraphrase
Block Quotations
As this passage reveals, the description of the setting of "The Lottery" is deceptively pleasant:
The morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the fresh warmth of a full-summer day; the flowers were blossoming profusely and the grass was richly green. The people of the village began to gather in the square, between the post office and the bank, around ten o'clock; in some towns there were so many people that the lottery took two days and had to be started on June 26th, but in this village, where there were only about three hundred people, the whole lottery took less than two hours, so it could begin at ten o'clock in the morning and still be through in time to allow the villagers to get home for noon dinner. (782)
There is no indication of the dark meaning of this gathering.
As this passage reveals, the description of the setting of "The Lottery" is deceptively pleasant:
The morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the fresh warmth of a full-summer day; the flowers were blossoming profusely and the grass was richly green. The people of the village began to gather in the square, between the post office and the bank, around ten o'clock; in some towns there were so many people that the lottery took two days and had to be started on June 26th, but in this village, where there were only about three hundred people, the whole lottery took less than two hours, so it could begin at ten o'clock in the morning and still be through in time to allow the villagers to get home for noon dinner. (782)
There is no indication of the dark meaning of this gathering.
144 words—my goodness!
144 words—my goodness!
Bulk QuotationO Not only is this overkill, but it fails to
emphasize the key detailsO All we know is that something is
missing from the passage: an explanation of what is going on
O Need we read the whole passage for this?
Embedded Quotation/Paraphrase
The setting of "The Lottery," evocative of flowers, green grass, and "the fresh warmth of a full-summer day," is deceptively pleasant. A small crowd forms in the square, amiably confident that their business will soon be finished, allowing them "to get home for noon dinner" (782); there is no indication of the dark purpose of this gathering.
57 words—And more analysis!
57 words—And more analysis!
Less Is MoreO The specific details are highlighted
by being separated from the original passage
O The passage is shorter and contains more editorial comment
O There is no interruption in the flow of the argument
O Advantages over “pure paraphrase”?
Pure Paraphrase
The opening description of the gathering of the villagers in Jackson's "The Lottery" is filled with references to summer growth and minor details of the small town setting (783) that effectively conceal its dark purpose.
35 words—But a little flat!
35 words—But a little flat!
A Choice of ToolsO It uses the same evidence, but the
absence of direct quotation makes it less colourful, convincing, and emphatic
O Some paraphrase/citation work is necessary for a long work
O Students should be adept in all three forms (though quotation is rare in APA reports)
O They should also recognize weak approaches. . . .
Larry seemed to enjoy having his father appear only at long intervals, leaving him to monopolize his mother's affections. "The war was the most peaceful period of my life" ("My Oedipus Complex" 1322). His world changed when his father came home. "Life without my early morning conferences was unthinkable" (1325). Jump: The
loss of the “early morning conferences”
Weak impliedlink
Weak impliedlink
Ungoverned Quotation!
Ungoverned Quotation!
Ungoverned QuotationsO The reader is forced to supply
connections between the writer's comments and the quoted material.
O While encouraging the reader' s active participation, this abrupt, associative style quickly becomes annoying.
O It should be used only to emphasize unusually clear relationships
The war was "the most peaceful period of [Larry’s] life" ("My Oedipus Complex" 1322) because his father's absence let him monopolize his mother's affections. When his father returned and tried to end Larry's "early morning conferences" with her, the boy found the change "unthinkable" (1325)!
Embedded quotation/ Paraphrase
Embedded quotation/ Paraphrase
Introducing QuotationsO There is something jarring about “as
the following suggests,” “as this passage shows”
O Explicit introductions are usually unnecessary
O The syntactic relationship is often enough
The townspeople make a grotesque discovery after Emily's death, as this passage shows:
What was left of him, rotted beneath what was left of the nightshirt, had become inextricable from the bed in which he lay; and upon him and upon the pillow beside him lay that even coating of the patient and biding dust. Then we noticed that in the second pillow was the indentation of a head. One of us lifted something from it, and leaning forward, that faint and invisible dust dry and acrid in the nostrils, we saw a long strand of iron gray hair. (472-73)
Earlier the graying of Emily's hair is associated with Homer Barron's disappearance; therefore, the hair on the pillow indicates that Emily lay with his corpse.
Use What You ChooseO This quotation is too long and is
introduced awkwardly by the phrase "as this passage shows”
O Shift the emphasis to the interpretation by using brief extracts
The implications of the final scene are grotesque: the pillow beside Homer Barron's rotted body bears the imprint of a head, and here the townspeople find "a long strand of iron-gray hair" (473). Because Emily's hair became gray only after Homer Barron's disappearance (471), she must have lain beside his corpse. 51 words
doing the work of 125
51 words doing the work of 125
At the end of "Great Falls," Jackie explains the destruction of his family this way: "it is just low-life, some coldness in us all, some helplessness that causes us to misunderstand life when it is pure and plain" (636).
Another Laboured introduction: HUGE pause created by “this way”
Another Laboured introduction: HUGE pause created by “this way”
At the end of "Great Falls" Jackie explains that his family was destroyed by "some coldness in us all, some helplessness that causes us to misunderstand life when it is pure and plain" (636).
Well-integrated embedded quotation
Well-integrated embedded quotation
5. LogicO Students are urged to judge whether
their evidence “logically supports their conclusion”
O What logic should they use?O Some models are more useful than
others
Toulmin’s Model of Argumentation
O Uses of Argument, 1958O Major elements: claim, grounds,
and warrantO Minor elements: backing,
rebuttal, and qualifiersO Special contribution: warrant
Major Elements in Brief
O Claim: what the person is trying to prove
O Grounds: also called evidence, proof, support, or data
O Warrant: Unstated assumptions or presuppositions connecting claim to grounds
Ophelia obeys Polonius without voicing objections, reflecting the play’s sexist theme
WARRANT:
A play that depicts women obeying their fathers is sexist.
GROUNDS:
Ophelia obeys Polonius
CLAIM:
Hamlet is a sexist play.
BACKING:
The depiction of an action implies the encouragement of it.
QUALIFIER:
without voicing objections,
CONDITIONS OF REBUTTAL: The results of obedience are depicted as negative.
6. Thesis StatementsO A clear, succinctly-presented
judgmentO Must be open to debate (e.g., not
merely factual or opinion)O Supported by evidence
6. Qualifying Thesis Statements
O Indirect Hedging: O Possibly,O It seems that,O Perhaps. . . .
O Intensifying:O Obviously,O Clearly, O This passage proves that. . .
Metadiscourse and Theses
In this paper, I will analyze Atwood’s use of season imagery in her more recent poems.
Once forbidden, “I” has experienced a renaissance . . . But be careful. It can STILL stifle argument. . . .
Once forbidden, “I” has experienced a renaissance . . . But be careful. It can STILL stifle argument. . . .
Metadiscourse and Theses
Atwood’s use of season imagery in her more recent poems. . . .
Eliminating metadiscourse forces the writer to create a more complete thesis statement.
Eliminating metadiscourse forces the writer to create a more complete thesis statement.
Full Revision
In her more recent poems, Atwood uses season imagery to represent her maturation as an artist.
Remove the nominalization, join subject to verb, and complete the thought. . . .
Remove the nominalization, join subject to verb, and complete the thought. . . .
Common Thesis ErrorsBlanket statements
O “Poverty hurts everyone.”
Pretentious languageO “In terms of its impact on society, poverty has
many negative aspects.”
Vague promisesO “This essay will be about poverty.”
SubjectivityO In my opinion …, I think …, I believe …, I
feel …
Writing a Thesis Know your subject Know your general topic Restrict or narrow your topic Know your purpose
Poor Theses“In this author’s opinion, Beowulf is a great Anglo-Saxon poem about a hero who kills monsters.”
“The following paper will offer an exposition and analysis of the epic heroic characteristics displayed by Beowulf, the eponymous protagonist of the poem in which he appears.”
A Better Thesis
“Like many other epic heroes, Beowulf is not only heroic but also monstrous.”
Subject: epic heroesGeneral topic: BeowulfRestricted topic: Beowulf’s heroic and
monstrous attributesPurpose: to identify an apparent conflict
BodyTopic sentenceSupport
OEvidenceODiscussion
Topic Sentence First sentence Thesis for paragraph Single idea, clearly expressed Support for thesis statement
Supporting Your Position
Primary sources Secondary sources
O Informed opinionO Alternate points of view
Tone/diction: neutral, formal, unpretentious Honesty Logic
Use of Evidence Be sure it is based in truth (i.e., be
critical of your sources) Avoid biased sampling Do not construct an argument or
slant evidence in favour of your own biases
Beware groupthink (seek contradictory evidence)
Conclusion Reiterate your argument Reply to your opponents Recommend a course of action Reflect upon the implications of
your argument
2. Brainstorming
Freewriting•Non-stop•Non-critical
Branching & Mapping
Freewriting
OPossible source of thesis and main ideas
OUse a branching diagram if you have made one
OUse pen and paperOWrite for 10 minutes nonstop
Branching
Outlining
Why make an outline? Memory Organization Test of argument
Types of outline Topic outline Sentence outline
Final NotesO Every change affects clarity and
concisenessO Reducing waste makes room for more real
content—without wearying the readerO Bugbears can seriously weaken a paper—
but real value comes from skilful use of evidence and carefully observed logic
O Following a rubric can never guarantee excellence—but it can curtail vices
