Effective Communication at Work:Achieving Results & Enhancing Relationships

With Dr. Janet Mills

A good example of a bad example

People have memories—and mouths

• People happy with you

• People unhappy with you

Three stages of interaction

1. Greeting

Three stages of interaction

2. Transaction

Three stages of interaction

3. Parting

4 Things people want from YOU

1. Attention

4 Things people want from YOU

2. Acceptance

4 Things people want from YOU

3. Assertion

4 Things people want from YOU

4. Appreciation

1. Attention

S = face person SQUARELY

O = Adopt an OPEN posture

L = LEAN forward slightly

E = Maintain EYE CONTACT

R = RELAX

1. Attention

Lousy listeners

1. Attention

Verbal Following

Mary was a sensible and giddy young lady, wise and silly beyond compare. She was a slight and small creature, yet so large that everyone who knew her loved her. She felt rather lonely, because she lived in a Town with no other houses or people for miles around.

1. Attention

Multi-channel Nonverbal Following

Percent of impact in face-to-face comm:• Verbal = 8%• Facial = 54%• Vocal = 38%

1. AttentionMulti-channel Nonverbal Following

Posture, posture shifts Body movement Body orientation

Interpersonal distance Gestures Facial displays

Eye/looking behaviors Voice (vocalics) Dress

Physical appearance Touch (tactile) Object communication

Odor (olfactory) Breathing patterns BMIRS: behavioral manifestations of internal states

1. AttentionBack-channeling

Vocalizations Head nodding Gestures

Facial expression Eye contact Questions

2. Acceptance

Affirm the Nature of the Relationship

• Hierarchical indicators Who’s up? Down?

• Immediacy indicators How close or far?

• Basic respect “I see you”

• Earned respect High esteem

2. Acceptance

Developing and Maintaining Rapport

• Posture echo

• Vocal echo

• Interaction synchrony

2. Acceptance

Responding Verbally to Accept Messages

– Paraphrase ideas

– Paraphrase feelings

– Express empathy

– Prompt and probe

– Summarize

DefensivenessThe NUMBER ONE PROBLEM in

communication at work Defensiveness arises when we feel: Threatened Attacked Punished Unjustly accused

When defensive we are likely to experience: Emotional agitation Estrangement Confusion Aggressive and/or passive impulses

Defensiveness

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Focus on problems Not people

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be congruent Not incongruent

Ver

Verbal comm

Nonverbal comm

Thoughts & feelings

Match these!

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be descriptive Not evaluative

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Validate Don’t invalidate

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be specific Not global

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be conjunctive Not disjunctive

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Own your Don’t

►Deny what you’ve said

►Blame others for what you did

►Stuff your feelings

►Ignore what you want

►Forget your needs

►Statements

► Actions

► Feelings

► Wants

► Needs

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Make it two-way Not one-way

Assertive Skill 1: Clear Message Format

Use to:

• State a complaint or problem

• Request a change of behavior, policy or procedure

• Express hopes, wishes, desires

Tool 1: Clear Message Format

Elements:

• Describe• Interpret• Express/Own• Consequences• Intentions

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET

Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is accurate and true

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET

Elements:• Listen actively

• Acknowledge your error or fault

• Seek more information

• Create plan for positive action

• Appreciate the other

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET

Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is inaccurate or untrue

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET

Elements:

• Listen actively

• Fog the criticism

• Assert

• Appreciate

4. Appreciation Forms of appreciation

Thank Praise Reward

Compliment

Commend

Approve

Recognize

Value Notice

Stick up for

Refer Recommend

Dr. Janet Mills