EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

AND

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

SIGNIFICANCE Building Trust

Building Respect

Problem Solving

Resolving Differences

Showing Empathy

Understanding Others’ Perspective

WHAT IS CONFLICT?

Conflict occurs when two or more people have

opposing or different positions in a situation or

circumstance.

COMMON DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

Holding a peer accountable for not meeting expectations

Giving performance feedback to a peer

Asking someone to return borrowed money or items

Approaching the boss about their behavior or lack of respect

Discussing relationship issues with a family member

HANDLING A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

You have three choices:

1. Avoid the situation

2. Handle it poorly

3. Handle it well

When it matters most, we do our worst.

POWER OF DIALOGUE

WHERE TO START?

Work on YOURSELF first!

Do the work to reap the results.

Be honest with yourself.

Be aware of nonverbal messages.

Practice, practice, practice.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART

Think about what you want

Ponder what is in your heart

Focus on your goal

Be aware of your responses

Be aware of your feelings

Remember your motive

KNOW YOURSELF

How honest are you willing to be?

ME-PAD: EXERCISE 1

Turn to pages 2 and 3.

Left Column

My behaviors: What was I truly thinking or feeling and didn’t say?

Right Column

Real conversation I had: Use actual sentences. What was really

said?

LET’S GET TO THE HEART OF IT

What were you thinking but didn’t say? Why?

What was at the heart of the conversation that was never said?

What were you feeling during the conversation?

How did those feelings affect the conversation?

How did your private thoughts come out in the conversation?

THE PROBLEM

When faced with conflict, the first thing we forget is

our motive, because emotion takes over.

EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

What are you feeling?

Why are you feeling that way?

Do you understand what they are feeling?

Communicate clearly.

Be respectful.

HOW TO STAY FOCUSED

Listen for what is felt as well as said

Make conflict resolution the priority

Focus on the present

Admit your role

Refocus your brain

Pick your battles

Be willing to forgive

SUCKER’S CHOICE

Avoid the sucker’s choice.

Avoid thinking of a needless “or” statement

Recognize the power of “and”

GOALS OF DIALOGUE Focus on what you really want!

Ask yourself: What am I acting like I want? What results do I really want for myself? For others? For the relationship?

Unhealthy Goals of Dialogue Healthy Goals of Dialogue

Be right Win Learn

Look good/save face Punish, blame Find the truth

Keep the peace Avoid conflict Produce results

Strengthen relationships

LEARN TO LOOK

Recognize when the dialogue stops or becomes difficult

Watch for nonverbal cues

Make it safe for conversation

Watch for signs of silence and violence

HOW DO YOU RESPOND?

Shy away/avoid

Get aggressive

Change the subject

Start name calling

Put your head down and withdraw

Agree the other person is right to be done

Raise your voice/talk over others

PREVENTING SILENCE AND VIOLENCE

Step out of the conversation.

Remember what is required dialogue.

Recognize when conversations become difficult.

Watch for signs of silence or violence.

Silence Violence

Masking Controlling

Avoiding Labeling

Withdrawing Attacking

KNOW YOUR RESPONSE

Recognize your stress response

Keep a watch out for your silence or violent behavior

Prevent yourself and others from stress responses

Redirect the conversation

MAKE IT SAFE

Build trust

Make them feel safe

Engage in conversation

Be honest

Be open about your concerns

Don’t water down your concerns

WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?

Common goals and interests

Building trust

Strengthen the relationship

DO YOU RESPECT ME?

Care about the person

Build trust

Show empathy

Listen actively

See the humanity in others

HOW TO FIX PURPOSE AND RESPECT

Recognize broken purpose and respect

Apologize

Contrast

Use “I” statements

MY STORY

What are my behaviors and emotions?

What is my story in review?

What are the facts?

Did I tell myself a story?

What was my role?

SHARE YOUR STORY

Use facts

Tell your story

Listen to others tell their stories

Ask questions

ASK FOR THEIR STORY

Ask

Seek

Clarify

Listen

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

Make an appointment with yourself.

Photo credit: Bill Branson, NCI

REFERENCES

Briles, J. (2003). Zapping conflict in the health care workplace. Aurora, CO: Mile High

Press.

Patterson, K. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. New

York: McGraw-Hill.

Robinson, L., Segal, J., & Smith, M. (2015). Effective communication: Improving

communication skills in business and relationships. Retrieved from

www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm

REFERENCES

Segal, J., Smith, M., & Jaffe, J. (2015). Nonverbal communication. Retrieved from

www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/nonverbal-communication.htm

Segal, J., & Smith, M. (2015). Conflict resolution skills: Building the skills that can

turn conflicts into opportunities. Retrieved from

www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm