M A N A G I N G Y O U R

B O S SYes, you can k i s s up and

keep your in tegr i ty

1

Managing Your Boss: Guess Who’s in Charge?

hebiggestunwrittenpartofanyjobdescriptionismanagingyourboss.Inmorethan20yearsofworkingwithrising-starexecutives,thisis

whereIstartworkingwitheveryoneofthem,everytime.

Andlet’sbeclear:Managingyourbossisnotthesameas“managingup.”Thelatterimpliesthatyou’reabrown-nosedtoadywhoislesscompetentthanyourpeersbuthavemanagedtoclimboverthebodiesofmoreworthyco-workersbykissingthering(oranotherspecificbodypart)ofyoursuperior.

Managingyourbossissimplybeingsavvyabouthimorherasyournumber-onestakeholder.Doyoueverhaveanyofthefollowingexperienceswithyourmanager,inwhichheorshe:• doesn’trespondtoyouremails?• regularlycancelsyourone-on-onemeetings?• isnotassmart(orexperiencedortalentedorhardworking)asyouare?• makesbaddecisionsthatworkagainsttheinterestofthebusiness?• choosesthewrongpersonforcriticalroles?• hashis/herprioritiesallscrewedup?• isblindtoyourtruecontributionandsacrifices?

T

2

HarvardBusinessReview’sclassic1980article“ManagingYourBoss”statesthemostbasicofworktruths:“Iftherelationshipbetweenyouandyourbossisrocky,thenitisyouwhomustbegintomanageit.”

That’sarealitythatwillneverchange.Ifyouhaven’thadadifficultorchallengingbossyet,trustme--youwill.Andhere’sthesurprisingnewsaboutthatunavoidablephenomenon:It’sablessing,becauseyoucanlearnmorefromabadbossthanagoodone,andthoselessonswillserveyouwellineveryjobyouhavethereafter,andinworkingsuccessfullywiththepeopleyouyourselfmanage.

3

Mirror, Mirror henumberonethingyoucanlearn—ifyou’rewilling--fromachallengingbossishowlimitedyourownviewofyourselfreallyis.Bad

bossesarepainfulperiscopes:Theyshowusthewayswecan’tanddon’twanttoseeourselves.Everyone’sinstinctivereactionistorejectthisdistortedimage,reasoningthattheboss’sjudgmentsandperceptionsarewrongandmisinformed,pollutedbyhisorherownlimitationsandfailings.

Thatmightbetrue.Butwhat’salsotrueisthatbadbossesgetthedatafortheassessmentstheymakefromus.Wearedoingorsayingsomethingthatleadsthemtotheconclusionstheymake,whetherornotweagreewiththoseconclusions.Evenintheworstfeedback,thereisalwaysanuncomfortable,hardnuggetoftruth.Scrapeawaywhatyourejectandyou’llfindit.It’sagift.

Caseinpoint:Ihadabossoncewhowasasuper-successfulexecutive,withaHarvardMBA,greatconfidence,killerbusinessinstincts,andthesecuritythatonlygenerationsofextremefamilywealthcanprovide.Iwasherpet--theoneshetookunderherwing--whichmademeuncomfortableandintimidated.Iwasflattered,butalsosomewhatresistanttoherHenry-Higginsapproachtomydevelopment.

OneafternoonIwascalledtoherlargecornerofficeand,seeminglyoutoftheblue,wastoldthatIwasadisappointment.WhatwasIworkingon?,shedemanded.HowwasIspendingmydays?WhatdidIhavetoshowformytimeintheorganization?Shamedandangry,Ireturnedtomycrampedcubiclewithsmokecomingoutofmyears.Iworkedreallyhard,Istayedlate,IdideverythingIwasassignedandmore.Howcouldshebesoclueless?Whatkindofmanagerwasshe,nottohaveanysenseofwhatherpeopleweredoing?

T

4

IknewIhadtodosomethingtoprovetoherhowwrongshewas.Since,despiteherpedigree,shewasclearlyadunce,Ipickedthesimplestandmostobviousstrategy:theweeklyreport.Iknewshelikedreports.AndIknew,fromattendingwaytoomanymeetings,thatshelikedbulletpoints.Soeveryweekforthreeweeks,Iemailedabullet-pointedlistofeverythingIhaddone,includingactionstepsandaccomplishments.Mindyou,nothingherewasnew.Ihadbeendoingallthesethingsformanymonths.Thedifferencewasthatinsteadofquietlyexcelling,Iwasnowpubliclyboasting.Ididn’tfeelcomfortabledoingit,butIdidsortofenjoyfeelingthatIwasshowingherup,advertisingeverythingobviousthatshehadmissed.

Severalweekslater,Ilookeduptoseeherstandingnexttomydesk.“Welldone,Nancy!I’mreallyimpressed.Youtookthisfeedbackandturneditaround.Goodforyou!”Iwasrelieved,butIalsosouredinsideandlostrespectforher.Ihadn’tturnedanythingaround.Iwasthesameasbefore.Itwasherlimitationasaleaderthatshecouldn’tseeit,Ifumedtomyself.

Icouldn’thavebeenmorewrong.Ittookmeyearstorealizethattheerrorwasmine.Ifshedidn’tknowmyaccomplishments,howcouldshefeelhappyaboutmyefforts?Shewastheretosupportandhelpme,andIwastooproudandindependenttorecognizeitandtakeadvantageofwhatshewasofferingme.Itwasn’taquestionofpoundingmychest;Ineededtoinformherandmakeherapartnerinmysuccess.AnddespitemyownIvyLeagueMBAandjobsthatprecededit,Ineededtogrowup.

5

Give Your Attitude a Kick in the Pants

aybeyouthinkthisisallhogwash.You’reannoyedthatyouhavetoengageinunnecessarygamesmanship,whenwhatitshouldreallybe

allaboutisthework,theeffort,andtheaccomplishments.

Afterall,sometimesyouactuallyknowmoreaboutyourfieldthanyourbossdoes--ifhewouldonlyleaveyoualonetodoyourjob.Youmeetthedeadlines,hitthenumbers,beatthebudget,andexceedtheplan.Youdoeverythingaskedofyou--andevenwhatisn't.Youcomeinearly,speakupatmeetings,andhavemoreideasinyourheadthananyofyourcolleaguesandyet....

Yourbossstilldoesn'tloveyou.Youcantell.Helaughsatsomeoneelse'sjokes.Shespendsmoretimewithotherkeyproducers.He'salwaysnoddingwhensomeoneelsespeaks.She'shavingsidebarconversations,butnotwithyou.

What’stheresult?You’relosingmoreandmorerespectforyourboss.Truthis,youalwayshadyourdoubts;youweren’tsurehewasthebestorthesmartestorthemostdeserving.Andnowthatshe’sslightingyou?Well,nowyouknowyouwereright.

Exceptyou’recompletelywrong—justlikeIwas,allthoseyearsago.

Likeitornot,bosseshaveoutsizepower.Theyarethebiggestinfluenceonyourpromotionalreadiness,onwhetheryougetvisibilityandrecognition--onwhetheryousucceed.Nomatterifyouresentthem,dislikethemor

M

6

merelyenvythem,youhavetoacceptthatthepowerstructureiswhatitis.Andtheyhavemorepowerthanyoudo.

Yourbossmaynotholdallthecards,butshedoesholdtheonesyouwant.Promotion,raises,plumassignments,extollingyourpraisestothehigher-ups--don’tyouwantallthosethings?Ofcourseyoudo.Andactinginawaythatincreasesyourchancesofgettingthemdoesn'tmakeyousubservient.Itmakesyousmart.

Youdon’thavetoflushawayyourintegrityandpridetobegoodatmanagingup.Whatneedistoshiftyourattitude,yourstrategyandyourbehavior.

7

Get Your Boss to Invest in You

hat’sthefirststep?Startbythinkingofyourbossasastakeholderofyourreputationorasyoursinglemostimportantcustomer.Or

betteryet,atargetclientthatyoureallywanttodobusinesswithbutneedtoknowalotmoreabout.

Fromthere,beginaskingawholeslewofquestionsandanalyzingwhatyouobserveoverthecourseofthenextfewweekstodiscoveryourboss’spatternsandworkstyle.Whatdoesshelike?Howdoesheprefertobecommunicatedwith--shortemailsofafewbullets?Voicemailswithacalltoaction?Whatdoesshewantmost--newideas?Athoughtpartnerforbrainstorming?Andmoreimportant,whatdoeshehate?Takethetimetoinventorythese,putitonpaperifthathelpsyouthinkthroughthepatternsandkeypointsaboutwhatyou’velearned.Makealistofhislikesanddislikes,includingthethingsthatelicitpraiseaswellasthethingsthatmakehimsnaporfume.

Ifyoudon’tknowwhatthosethingsare,it’stimetolearn.Listentoherinmeetingsandonthephone.Suspendyourjudgmentaboutwhatyouhear;you’rejustlookingfordataandinformation.

Next,assesstheboss’sotherdirectreports.Whodoyouseealwaysgainingeasyaccesstotheboss’scalendarandoffice?Whodoesthebossturntoforcounselandasecondopinion?Whoseemstohaveaneasyrelationshipwithyourmanager?Whodoesyourbosstrust?Whatdotheydodifferentlythanyouintermsofcommunicationstyle,problem-solvingapproach,timemanagementandprioritization?

W

8

Thenhaveacandidandcourageousconversationwithyourself.Beforeyoujumptotheconclusionthatyouandyourbosshaveahopelesspersonalityconflict,dothehardworkofmakingsureyou’vebeenthepartnerandsupportyoushouldbe.Areyouclearonyourboss’sexpectations?Haveyoudeliveredonthemornegotiatedwhentheywereunrealistic?Haveyouprovidedsolutionstoproblemsthatareactionableandaffordable?Haveyoukeptyourbossinformedofanypotentiallybadnewsanddelayssohewon’tbecaughtbysurprise?Doyoutrulyandconsistentlyhaveherback?

Assesswithacleareyeandaclearerheadtheinventoryyou’vetakenandtheobservationsyou’vemadeoverthelastseveralweeks.Whatdoesyourbosscontributetotheorganization?Whydoesshehavethatjob?Whatskills/experiences/perspectivedoeshehavethatyoudon’t?Andwhatcouldyoulearnfromher?Evenifyoudon’tagreewithwhathehastoteach,listenwithanopenmind.Goingintoaconversationexpectingtorejectwhatshesaysisawasteofyourtimeandhersandwon’timprovetherelationshiporyourchancesofsuccess.

9

Put a Plan Into Action

inally,examinethislistoftacticaltipsandselectthetwoorthreethatwouldreallymakeanimpactonyourworklife.Whenconsistently

used,theseactionswillnotonlyguaranteeyoumoreworkplacepeace,butthey’llcatapultyouwayaboveyourpeerswhoarenotyetthinkingstrategicallyaboutmanagingtheboss.

1.Quick-nameyourboss'snumber-onepriority.Now,justasquick,what'syours?Ifthey’renotexactlythesame,whynot?Youcan’thaveastrongworkingrelationshipwithamanagerifyourkeygoalsarenotinalignment.Iftheyarethesame,bravo!Now,listthethreethingsthatyou’recurrentlyworkingontoachieveit.Doesyourbossknowthatyou’remakingprogressagainstachievingthem?

2.Focusontheoutput,nottheprocess.Yourbossdoesnotwanttohearhowhardyou'reworking.Shewantstoknowwhatcameofit.Reportresults,outcomes,benefits,deltas--anddon'tcomplain.Ifyouneedmoreresources,makethebusinesscaseforwhatwillhappenifyougetthem.

3.Treathimlikeaguru.Youwanttobeloved?Metoo.AndI'mflatteredwhenpeopleaskmeformyadvice.Soisyourboss.Heknowssomethingyoudon'torhewouldn'thavethatjob.Makeitapracticetotreathimasadefactomentor.Askquestionsyou'recuriousaboutorstrugglingwithorwanttotestout.Andifyoubringhimaproblem,besurehelikestosolvethemandhaveareadylistofpossiblesolutions.And,naturally,bepreparedtodiscussthepossiblesolutionsyou'veidentifiedandrejectedandexplainwhy.

F

10

4.Treatherlikeacustomer.Maybesheisn’tthegurutype.Okay,sowhatdoesshelike?Recapsofnomorethanfivebullets?Brainstorminggroupsessions?After-hourssocializing?Frequentemails?Youmaynotbeabletosatisfyallherpreferredneeds,butI'llbetyoucandomorethanyou'redoingnow.Takealookatthecurrentclasspet.Whatdoesthatpersondodifferentlythanyou?Andanalyzeitwhilesuspendingcharacterjudgments.Whatcanyoulearn?

5.Don'tbeafraidtoask.Ourbiggestobstacleisdread.Andwhatyoudon'tknowcandefinitelyhurtyou.Soswallowyourprideandalltheothersixdeadlysinsbysteppinguptosay:"HowcanIsupportyoumore?Whatwouldyouliketoseemefocusmoreon?Lesson?"Notonlywillyourbossbepleased,butyou'llhaveslayedadragonwithin.

6.Don'tpushyourboss'sbuttons.Whatarehispetpeeves?Whatsetsheroff?Considerthelittleaswellasthebigthings.Nowthatyouknowyourboss'spressurepoints,thinkoftheoppositebehaviorthatwillkeephimcalm.

7.Knowhisfavoritecommunicationmethods.Doesheprefertocommunicateviaemail,phoneormemo?Doesheuseonemediumforhimselfbutanotherforhisstaff?Findoutandsticktoit.Youradherencetohischoicewillmakehimmorecomfortableandwillmakehimbelievethatyouaremorelikehim,andthereforethatyoumustbevery,verysmart.

8.Keepittoyourself.Buttonyourlipuntilyouareblueintheface,butdonotgrumbleaboutyourbossintheoffice.

9.ForgetaboutHR.Ifyouhaven'tyetlearnedthispainfullesson,pleaseetchthesewordsintoyoursoul:HRexiststoservetheneedsofthecorporation,nottheindividualemployee.

10.Document,document,document.Keepeverymemo,writedowneveryoffensivecomment,everybrokenpromise,andeveryout-of-controloutburst.Besuretoincludedatesandparticipants,andenoughdetailtomakeitcredible.Thenkeepthisinaverysafeplace.Becauseyouneverknow.

11

11.Haveanexitstrategy.Thinkaboutit,writeitdownandfileitaway--you'llfeelbetter.Thisfileshouldincludeacurrentresume,alistofheadhuntersinyourfield,andthenamesofthreeorfourgoodreferences.

12.UnderstandthatmanagingyourbossISpartofyourjob.Realizethatyouneedastrategyonhowtomanageyourboss.Becognizantofwhenyougiveyourbossinformation,whatthatinformationisandhowyoudeliverit.Knowyourboss'sweaknessesandobjectives,aswellasthepressurehe'sunder.Beawareofyourownworkingstyle,andplanhowyoucanbalancethetwo.

12

Last Resort hatifafteralltryingallthesestrategies,youreallystillhateyourboss?Youcan’tpleasehimnomatterhowhardyoutry,andyoufeel

abused,stuck,unproductiveandincreasinglydisheartenedabouteverbuildingaproductiverelationship?

Ifyou’rereallyattheendofyourrope,it’slikelytimetolookforotheropportunitiesoutsidethecompany,orforaninternaltransfertoadifferentdepartment.

Findinganewjobisstressful:updatingyourresume,talkingtorecruiters,goingoninterviews,pluskeepingitallquietsoyourcurrentbossdoesn’tfindout.Nottomentionthatyouriskmakingalessthangreatchoicesimplybecauseyou’redesperatetogetout.

Sobeforeyoupulltheplug,besurethatyou’vealsotriedswallowingyourpride,ifnotyourego.Doingeverythingyoucantobuildagreatworkingrelationshipwithyourbosswillteachyouskillsthatwillnotonlymakeyouaninvaluableemployee,butwilltransformyouintoasuperstarbossyourself.

NancyHalpernisaninternationallyrecognizedleadershipconsultantwhowrites,speaks,andconsultswithcorporationsaroundtheworldonleadershipdevelopment,talentmanagement,andcareeradvancement.Learnmoreaboutheratwww.nancyhalpern.comandhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/nancyhalpern

CopyrightÓ2018NancyHalpern

W