EA3 Essay Corrections

You be the teacher….. What is wrong with these statements? What suggestions do you have for improving them? Be constructive!

IB Grade Conversion: 1-7 scale1. 50%2. 60%3. 70%4. 76%5. 86%6. 90%7. 96%

General tips ….• Mic drop approach! • History is always PAST TENSE!• Transitions are key to keeping your

essay organized• No passive voice!• Never write in first person!• No judgements or opinions!• Stick to scope of question!

GET RID OF FLUFF!!! • “History is made up of countless events that have

led to where we stand today. Expansion has been one of the biggest things for countries in order to spread their power and influence.”

• “In the United States’ mind, it was their time and era to expand and make itself an imperialistic country.”

ThesisBAD EXAMPLE

• “In the age of imperialism, the U.S. used ideological, social, political, and economic reasons to justify their expansion.”

GOOD EXAMPLE• The period of “expansion came in the

form of increased international trade, acquisition of territories, and arbitration of global disputes. The United States justified their imperialistic actions in many ways that can be described as economic, social, political, and ideological. Through the observation of the unique situations in Hawaii, Venezuela, and Cuba, one can determine the justifications the United States used for imperialistic expansionism.”

Pitfalls of Writing for the IB student

Who are you?

The Soapbox Orator• Platform Speeches• Personal Views and Frustrations• “The United States’ systematic destruction of the Hawaiian government

further proves that the U.S. would stop at nothing to ‘improve’ the other nations in the area….The United States forced their way onto the islands of Hawaii and under the guise that they would be helping the nation improve and grow, enacted a new constitution that disabled over half of the native population.”

• “The U.S. stretched the Monroe Doctrine to fit the situation, even though Spain had been established in Cuba for a very long time. As a result, this makes their ideological justification for invading Cuba weak and illogical.”

• “With their expansion, they created tension and strife with smaller countries which America dominated. Some of this resentment can still be seen today, such as in Cuba. As awe-inspiring and patriotic as imperialism may seem, it often only voices the opinion and outcome of the larger, more powerful country…America was able to become a world power, at the cost of sacrificing relations with smaller countries.”

The Fortune Teller/Telepath• Expects assessors to connect the dots and turn it into

evidence.• Can predict how things would turn out in the future• “If it wasn’t for U.S. annexing Hawaii, they could have

been a prosperous, independent monarchy to this day.”

• “The justifications allowed the U.S. to expand into the world power it is today. The United States period of imperialism helped create different countries that we now have an influence in currently. Now we see the aftermath of U.S. imperialism and how it has shaped the world today.”

The Generalist• No specific examples or analysis• Vague, general statements• Doesn’t show specific content knowledge• “We gained power by taking land, enforcing policies and

declaring a sphere of influence…..We intervened by using policies and treaties.”

• “The four reasons for the US expansion are ideological, social, political and economic. Each reason has a strong and important reason why it helped justify America to expand. Each justification has its reasons for why it was justified by the US; and how the US used that justification to seize what they wanted either through war, invasion, trade, or buying; these are the reasons for expansion.”

The Philosopher• “The role of the US should be….”• “U.S. expansionism changed the course of history

and made us the dominating power we are today. Many could argue the U.S. had no right to expand and intervene…some justifications could just be called ‘ludicrous.’”

• “One begins to wonder how this rapid expansion occurred.”

• “The United States would not be where it is today if not for the imperialist views and its justifications of the world at the end of the 1800’s.”

The Distracted• Makes off-topic statements• Goes off on tangents• Makes off-topic arguments, but doesn’t connect them to the main point• Talks about too much in one paragraph• “Manifest Destiny was used to cause and justify the war against Mexico

for Texas.” • “It would be the beginning of another [era] that would leave a large

impression on the world as we know it. Wining the war against Britain, creating a government that strayed away from a monarchy, and establishing a Bill of Rights was the foundation that allowed the U.S. to thrive.”

• The White Man’s Burden “constructed the idea that the white ethnic group needed to reach out to the inferior group and help them out and spread Christianity. So the Indians once again got pushed around through the United States’ use of unfair treaties.”

The Game Show Host• Explains what they will be arguing• Presents information in an over-dramatic

way• Gives a play-by-play• “I am now going to explain the ideological

justifications and how it impacted America’s relationship with Cuba for years to come.”

• “The United States of America, a great nation that has flourished and expanded over the years, but how did it become the vast nation it is today? Well, the United States had a period of expansionism.”

Explanation vs. Analysis• The Monroe Doctrine “stated that European

powers could not interfere or colonize states in North and South America. If so, it would be seen as an act of aggression and the U.S. had the right to intervene. This document showed and clarified the U.S. as a world power.”

Where’s the analysis?• “The Monroe Doctrine warned European powers to stay out of the

affairs of the Americas and threatened military force if they did not comply. During the Venezuelan Crisis, the U.S. re-instated the Monroe Doctrine in order to arbitrate a conflict between England and Venezuela over a territory dispute. The Monroe Doctrine became a primary political justification for US expansionism.”

• “The White Man’s Burden was the alleged duty of white colonizers to care for nonwhite indigenous people and to introduce them into America, “civilized” society. The idea of social Darwinism also played a role. In his book the Origin of Species, Darwin mentioned the concept of natural selection and “the survival of the fittest.” This theory was applied to nations as well and it was believed that the “fittest” and most developed nations would ultimately survive.”

YAY!• “Josiah Strong wrote that the US will surpass the world in all aspects of

life, and that they will become bigger and stronger than any nation due to agriculture, manufacturing, climate, mining, and stock-raising. This justifies expansion on economic terms because the US was perviously in a depression, but looking elsewhere for markets would satisfy their economic needs. The acquisition of the Philippines was important for establishing trade with Asian markets pulling the US out of a depression and in to an economic boom. In a quest for resources, the purchase of Alaska from Russia for 7.2 million dollars and the [acquisition of] the Midway Islands in the Pacific provided the US with [resources]. Economically, the more that the US controlled and took over, the better their economy did adding justification to our expansion as a nation.”

WOO HOOOO!!! • “Spencer believed in Social Darwinism, a theory that applies

‘survival of the fittest’ by eliminating the unfit through their failure to reproduce, rather than physical elimination. By invading and making Puerto Rico a commonwealth from the Spanish-American War, the U.S. was able to add another land for the people so they can get accustomed to the American culture. By doing this, the United States brought their people to new lands with the hopes of improving the population and not using physical annihilation.”

Let’s practice a good analytical statement…..

EA 3 Essay Reflection1. 50%2. 60%3. 70%4. 76%5. 86%6. 90%7. 96%

Want to make up some missing points???? Complete this reflection!!!• If you received a 30-37, your score could

potentially increase to a 40.• If you received below a 30, your reflection

could bump you up to a 35!• Take this reflection seriously! What did you

learn today?