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PE-course Project Organised Learning

(POL)

Mm 6: Conflict Handling

Master of Science – Introductory Semester (E7 – Intro)

Lecturer: Lars Peter Jensen Ass. teacher: Xiangyun Du

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Project Organized Learning (POL)6: Conflict Handling

Agenda:

1. Lecture 1: On conflicts2. Role play about conflicts3. Lecture 2: Preventing conflicts4. Behavioural self-assessment test5. Lecture 3: Conflict behaviour and

conflict solving

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Project Organized Learning (POL)6: Conflict Handling

My goals for your learning

After this lesson you should be able to:

• Describe and explain simple ways of preventing conflicts

• Explain different behaviour in a conflict situation

• Describe and explain simple ways of solving a conflict

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Conflicts – WHAT? WHY? HOW?

• WHAT? Behaviour exhibited by one (or more) person(s) which bothers another (or other) person(s) and/or prevents them from doing something they would like to do.

• WHY? Disagreement, “bad chemistry”, fight about power, lack of respect, cultural insensitivity e.g..

• HOW? It is easy to start a conflict – but it might be hard to solve it satisfactorily!.

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Role Play about conflicts

The six roles:–The speaker–The passive listener–The active listener–The obstructive–The ‘don’t care’ type–The observer

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The roles

The speaker• You have to speak for approximately 5 minutes about a topic of interest to

you – it can be your hobby, a holiday or an experience you have had – most important is that you are engaged. You have to try to make the other group members understand what you are talking about.

The passive listener• You listen to the speaker and express interest for the topic via your body

language (nodding, varied facial expression, leaning forward etc.) and by asking small open-ended questions, encouraging the speaker to continue talking.

The active listener• You listen to the speaker and express interest for understanding the topic by

listening both to the words and to the feelings underlying the words. You repeat sentences in your own words and try to explain and interpret what you hear. Be aware that your body language also expresses interest.

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The roles

The obstructive• Your role is to try to disturb the speaker as much as possible by

being in opposition to everything she/he says, by criticising and by being aggressive. You try to speak about something different and your body language expresses lack of respect and lack of interest.

The ’don’t care’• You behave as if you cannot be bothered to show any interest

whatsoever. You play with the computer, talk in your mobile, look out through the window. Your body language expresses deep indifference with the speaker as well as with her/his message.

The observer• Your most important role is to keep an eye on time and not let the

speaker speak for more than 5 minutes. Further, you observe the communication in the group and note down your impression afterwards.

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Role Play about conflicts

After playing different roles (app. 2 – 4 plays) you discuss:

• Your immediate feelings and reactions concerning the different roles.

• To which extent can you recognize some of the roles from your discussions in the group ?

• To which extent can you learn something from the role plays that could be useful in your future discussions in the group ?

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Role Play(Plenary discussion and a break)

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Lecture 2: Preventing Conflicts

1. Preventing conflicts2. Dialogue versus discussion3. Reflexive writing and marking rounds4. The ’Hot chair’5. ’I’ – messages

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Preventing Conflicts

”Prevention is better than cure”

- also when it concerns conflicts in a group!!

”Remember that the sooner a conflict is identified and handled, the less dramatic it is.

Prevention of conflicts builds on mutual understanding and respect for diversity.

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Preventing Conflicts

Conflicts are best prevented by:

• Knowing and understanding expectations, opinions and feelings - your own as well as those of others (dialogue, I-messages)

• Agreeing on rules, roles and relations in the group, (co-operation agreement)

• Evaluating your group co-operation regularly (’hot chair’, team health profile).

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Dialog versus diskussionDialogue and Discussion

Dialogue is an expansive process - your knowledge is increased.How is the ’mind map of the world’ for the others??

Discussion is a narrowing process - you agree on a collective ’mind map of the world’

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Dialogue

• The objective is to understand what others understand – understand their ’mind map of the world’

• The means are: listening – passively and actively.

• The characteristics are: to be curios; open minded; eager to learn.

• Cultural sensitivity requires dialogue !!

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Passive Listening

Builds on the ability to:

• Be silent• Express acknowledgement• Invite others to go into details

using encouraging words: ”Yes”,”No”,”I see”,”Hmmm” and

• openers: ”Tell more”, ”How would you” etc.

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Aktiv lytningActive Listening

Coding Decoding

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Active Listening

Builds on the ability to:

• ’Mirror’, (repeat with your own words) what the other person says

• Communicate on the other person’s premises

• Show understanding and respect for the other persons opinion

• Interpret – not judge or condemn.

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Body language of a listener

Has eye contact

Has an open posture

Is leaning slightly forward

Nods at intervals

Is conscious of own and receiver’s body language

A listening person:

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Discussion

• The objective is to agree upon a decision – a common ’mind map of the world’

• The means are: shift between listening, reflecting, developing ideas and speaking

• The characteristics are: holistic judgements (see it as a whole) and reasonable decisions

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When you have to make a decision…

Split up your discussion into 4 phases:

1. Making suggestions – ’drawing different maps’.2. Elaborating, explaining – ’understanding the

maps’.3. Developing further, comprehensive assessment –

’heading for a better map’.4. Deciding – ’drawing the (best) collective map’

Phase 1 – 2 is the dialogue. Phase 3 – 4 is the discussion.

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Reflexive writing and ‘marking rounds’

Can be used before, during and after a decision-making process:

• Five minutes ’time-out’, where • All speaking in the group is forbidden and• Each student spontaneously writes down his or

her thoughts about the form of the discussion and the issues discussed at the moment

• After 5 minutes take a ‘marking round’ where everyone explains their thoughts

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Reflexive writing and ‘marking rounds’

..are good tools in team work because they:

• Give those who have ’dropped out’ of the discussion a possibility to come back in.

• Give everybody a possibility to put forward their views and opinions.

• Make the communication process open and visible because of the writing.

GOOD ADVICE: Let the less speaking student start!!

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Evaluating personal relations: The ’Hot chair’

Every 2-3 weeks group members evaluate each other one at a time according to the following rules:

• The person in the ‘hot chair’ is not allowed to comment, she/he is supposed to listen to the constructive and loyal criticism of other group members

• All the others have to give positive and negative feedback e.g. Two things they like about the person’s behaviour within the group, and two things they don't like

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Evaluating personal relations: The ’Hot chair’

Feedback must: • Describe behaviour – not interpret motives• Express your own feelings directly – not indirectly• Be specific – not general• Only address issues which can be changed• Make room for change• Be non-judgmental • Only be given when asked for/agreed upon – not

uninvited• Be motivated by a wish to help others – not to

hurt

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A good advice to remember !!

• Be towards others as you wish them to be towards you!!

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’I’-messages

The ’I’-message is a clear, unambiguous and honest message about your thoughts and feelings

You can share your thought and feelings with others but they cannot deny them or say that they are ’wrong’

Using ’I’-messages is the same as assertive communication!!

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How to use ’I’-messages to tell others about something you

don’t likePhase Example

Start (state the factual behaviour)

”You didn’t tell me that the meeting was cancelled.

Consequence (describe the consequence of this behaviour for you)

So I have wasted my time coming here.

Feeling (describe how you feel about this)

This makes me angry and I feel that you disrespect me and my job.

Alternative (point out another way to behave)

If you had notified my secretary she could have notified me.”

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Break for 15 minutes

Deadline is deadline !

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Behavioural self-assessment test

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Behavioural self-assessment test - 1

• Mark the 36 statements in the questionnaire with 0, 1, 2, 3 or 4 points, according to how often you do this in your job

X

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Behavioural self-assessment test - 2

• After having filled in the questionnaire, transfer the points from each statement to the white field in the scoring sheet.

• Only enter your points in the white fields.• Add the points in each column to get your

behavioural profile.

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SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOUR

• Persons behaving submissive are withdrawn in communication

• They renounce their rights, standpoints and opinions and submit to others’ opinions

• They often feel incapable and afraid• They apologise for themselves and

have a self-effacing behaviour

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SUBMISSIVE BEHAVIOUR

VERBAL EXPRESSIONS:

• one could wish that …• it looks as if• this is probably not what you mean

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AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR

• Aggressive people stick to their own opinions

• They don’t discuss or argue but simply repeat their standpoint – sometimes louder and louder

• Aggressive people lack social competences and seem to seek the conflicts

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AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR

VERBAL EXPRESSIONS :

• if I were you I would be careful• Yeah, you’re really good at that, aren’t

you!• …. and I mean now ! • I most certainly did not• yes, you can say that again

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ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR

• Direct, honest and action-oriented• Sticks to her/his standpoints – WITHOUT

OFFENDING OTHERS• Takes responsibility for own feelings

and opinions in the situation• Has inner strength and power

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ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR

VERBAL EXPRESSIONS :

• I feel, I think, I mean• we will, we can• What is your opinion?

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The concept of assertion

• Assertive communication is to say what you mean and to mean what you say – without demeaning or hurting others

• Assertive behaviour is to be able to and dare express feelings, opinions and needs clearly, unambiguously and honestly – with respect for others

• Assertive behaviour is to be who you are and let others be who they are

• Assertive behaviour increases your self-confidence and gives you personal impact that improves the positive feelings in the situation

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Lecture 3: Conflict behaviour and conflict solving

1. How to spot a conflict 2. Personal conflict behaviour3. Conflict solving 4. Consequences of conflicts

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How to spot a conflict

• Very loud discussion in stead of dialogue – nobody is trying to understand each other

• Very long arguing but no decisions• Goes ‘for the man’ not ’for the ball’ • Postulate in stead of reasoning• Formation of cliques• Talk about people behind their backs

REMEMBER: Deal with conflicts, the sooner the better !!!

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Personal conflict behaviour

Goal

Relations

Important

Not important Important

Smooth things out Confronting

ForcingDrawing

Compromising

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Personal conflict behaviourProfile Characteristic individual behaviourAvoidance ’drawing’

Avoid, deny, ignore, turn away.

Adjusting ’smooth things out’

Forthcoming, abandon personal goals, relations to others is more important.

Win/loose‘forcing’

Dominating, aggressive, want to win, demonstrates power.

Compromising’do compromises’

All shall gain something – there is different ways to do things, compromises.

Problem solving’confronting’

Acceptance of conflicts. Everybody's needs are legitimate and important. Respect for personal relations. Make allowances

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One way to solve a conflict

• Those involved in the conflict state their point of view, one at a time.

• A mediator sums up the main issues in the conflict.

• The mediator and the persons involved try to uncover underlying reasons for the conflict.

• Everyone participates in the development of possible solutions.

• The group agrees upon trying one of the solutions and the mediator writes down the agreement.

• Everyone evaluates the process and states whether they are satisfied with the solution.

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Another way to solve a conflict

Those involved in the conflict tell• How they have experienced the situation• How they have contributed to creating the problem• How they can contribute to a solution

Mediator and persons involved participate in the development of possible solutions.

The group agrees upon trying one of the solutions and the mediator writes down the agreement.

• Everyone evaluates the process and states whether they are satisfied with the solution.

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Conflict solving – think about

Phase Agenda

Problem What’s the reason for the conflict

Goal A ’win/win’-solution

Confrontation ’I’ messages

Active listeningUnderstanding others’ ”mind map of the world”

SolutionsAs many as possible to increase creative solutions

Judgement and choice

Consensus or compromise

Agreement Who is going to do what ?

Evaluating What did WE learn ?

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Conflicts – negative or positive ?

A conflict can be destructive, but it can also• bring forward different sides of a case• Enhance creativity and• stimulate learning. Also, a satisfactorily solved conflict is likely to• Create better co-operation, more trust and

deeper friendships, and • Improve the ability to handle conflicts in the

future – both in the group and in a later job situation.

It is not the conflict itself, but the lack of ability and will to solve it, that creates problems.

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Remember:Conflicts arises !!!It is your choice whether they shall lead to positive or negative results.It depends upon whether your mental frame is positive or negative !

What do you read here?

• OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE• OPPORTUNITY IS NOWHERE• OPPORTUNITY IS NOW HERE

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..and this was it for today!!