DUSC - A Larper's Quest

8/11/2019 DUSC - A Larper's Quest

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1.

BLACKNESS

ELIA (V.O.)

Can we trust him?

INT. CANDLE LIT ROOM TIME UNKNOWN

CUT TO: A GAUNTLET thrust onto a bandaged hand.

BALIBOR (V.O.)

It matters not. We need his sword.

CUT TO: A FOAM SWORD being wrapped with tape.

ELIA (V.O.)

Swordsmen arein short supply these

days

BALIBOR (V.O.)

And that ATTACK level

(long whistle)

CUT TO: A FIGURE, his back to us, testing out the FOAM SWORD.

NOBWIST (V.O.)

So were asking a complete stranger forhelp?

BALIBOR (V.O.)

Your point?

NOBWIST (V.O.)

He doesnt go to our school.

BALIBOR (V.O.)

We do not go to a school, Mmmage.

The FIGURE exits the room through a doorway wreathed withdazzling light, his body a SILHOUETTE.

BALIBOR (V.O.)

Nay, we live in a realm of swords andsorcery. Where kingdoms are raised andtoppled with the swing of a sword, andthe roll of a die.


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2.

CUT TO: BLACKNESS

BALIBOR (V.O.)

We livein the realm of DUSC.

SUPER: TITLE (DUSC: A LARPERS QUEST)

NOBWIST (V.O.)

(sarcastic)

What could possibly go wrong?

CUT TO: EXT - UNIVERSITY WALK DAY

Were immediately thrust into the middle of a fight. GIBLI,the groups first swordsman, RUSHES a BANDIT, SCREAMING. TheBandit topples him with a SHIELD. Gibli rolls away. ELIA, the

groups archer, jumps in front of Gibli and LOOSES her ARROWS,which the Bandit deflects with his shield. A SECOND BANDITcharges her as she runs out of arrows. NOBWIST, the groupsMage, jumps in front of the bandit and DRAWS an imaginary linein the ground between them.

NOBWIST

Fire wall! Unpassable for ten seconds!

Bandit number two screams in frustration. BALIBOR, the groupsCleric, is using his spells to heal Gibli.

BALIBOR

Youre good. Go! Go!

Gibli rushes back into the fray. Nobwist and Elia are seendealing with the first bandit. Gibli rushes towards the secondbandit.

GIBLI

Ive got this one!

Bandit number two pulls out two THROWING AXES. He throws the

first one Gibli DODGES. He throws the second GibliDEFLECTS it with his shield. Bandit number two starts movingback. Balibor looks on. He counts the Bandits.

BALIBOR

Onetwowait, wheresthe third?

A THIRD BANDIT blindsides Gibli and sends him sprawling ontothe ground. The third bandit approaches him with a huge TWO-


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3.

HANDED axe. Before Gibli can scramble away, hes hit with apouch of BIRD SEED (a LARPers SPELL)thrown by the secondbandit.

BANDIT #2

Paralysis!

Gibli can only look up as the Third Bandits axe comescrashing down to meet him.

GIBLI

Piss!

Before the axe can make contact

CUT TO: INT. THE CRUSTY SEA-WENCH MIDDAY

BALIBOR

(after finishing aswig of ale)

Well, that couldnt have gone moreterribly wrong!

Balibor, Nobwist and Elia are sitting in a tavern. Each has aCUP OF ALE. Servers and drinkers mingle in the B.G.

BALIBOR

I propose a toast to our beloved Gibli.

The three raise their tankards in honor of their fallencomrade.

BALIBOR

He was a bright soul, our Gibli:earnest, brave, and with a passion forhitting things. So I say goodnight,sweet, sweet, Gibli. May you find peacein the halls of your fathers.

They drink to his memory.

BALIBOR

I think things are looking up for usnow!


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4.

NOBWIST

Well, wed still have a swordsman if itwerent for that quest. We cant doanything right now.

BALIBOR

Ok firstly, the kingdoms are on thebrink of war; that was the only questavailable to us. And second, perhaps amore competent magic wielder could haveprevented Giblis death, Mmmage.

NOBWIST

(offended)

I control the weave and flow of magicalenergies. I carry. What do you do?

BALIBOR

I am but a humble servant of thedivines. I healed Gibli to the best ofmy ability.

NOBWIST

It certainly didnt do squat when theaxe came down, did it?

BALIBOR

By then Giblis fate was sealed, thanksto you!

NOBWIST

You cant change fate. Its fate.Thats what it means!

BALIBOR

Not if you have a fate-changing spell,which you dont, Mmmage!

ELIA

Stop the bickering! What happened,happened. Balibor brought us here for areason.


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5.

(to Balibor)

Didnt you?

BALIBOR

The She-Elf is right. In spite of ourstring of recent failures, I believeIvefound something salvageable fromthis mess. Hark: I have recently sentword to a Warrior, via divine scroll--

NOBWIST

Wait-wait-wait-cut the Old English: youfound someone on Craigslist?

BALIBOR

Divine scroll, you knnnave. But yes,and hes from a foreign land.

NOBWIST

Hes not from here.

BALIBOR

Not sure from where, but he promised tomeet us right here in the Crusty Sea-Whench.

NOBWIST

How is this ok?

BALIBOR

But we love the Crusty Sea-Whench! Imean, the serving maids are a littleblegh! but the ale is heartier than

NOBWIST

No, this guy you rang up without evenconsulting us.

BALIBOR

Perhaps his character stats will changeyour mind?

Balibor pulls out a STATS sheet, a recording of a LARPers basestatistics and levels (attack, speed, abilities, etc.) Nobwistscans the paper.


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6.

BALIBOR

The attack level, if you will

NOBWIST

Attackfifty four?

ELIA

Wow.

BALIBOR

That attack level, huh?

Balibor lets out a long whistle.

NOBWIST

I dont believe it.

BALIBOR

Jealous, knave?

NOBWIST

Its just another stupid warrior; bigon the ATTACK stats, skimpy onINTELLIGENCE. All Jocks, essentially.

BALIBOR

A jock, maybe, but hes our only chanceto get back out there. What say you?

A beat.

ELIA

Screw it, Im in.

NOBWIST

I guess my hands are tied, then.

ELIA

When does he arrive, Balibor?

BALIBOR

Well, he said midday, but Im not surewhen thats


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7.

Somewhere, a watch RINGS IN NOON. The doors to the Crusty Sea-Whench swing open. A FIGURE walks over to the group, his faceobscured to the viewer until he sits down.

SIR GUM

Gaaah-reetings!

He looks very young and a little innocentsave for the fadingscar that runs across the side of his face. The trio is unsurehow to respond.

SIR GUM

Might you be the brave companions whosummoned me to this humble tavern?

SIR GUM takes a look around.

SIR GUM

The Crusty Sea-Whench lives up to hername: these serving maids look moretainted than the plague!

Sir Gum laughs at his own jest. The trio is still confused.

SIR GUM

(to a passingServer)

A cup of your finest ale for me please!

(to Balibor, Elia,Nobwist)

Well, at least these Sea-Whenchsknowtheir way around a good drink.

The SERVER walks to the bar, where she fills up a TANKARD withGATORADE and NAKED JUICE.

BALIBOR

You are the one we sent for, then?

SIR GUM

Sir Gum.

BALIBOR

Pardon?


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8.

Sir Gum gestures to himself.

SIR GUM

Sir Gum: swordhand and able companion.

BALIBOR

Balibor, Im the cleric. This is Elia,our archer. And thismoody piece ofwork here is Nobwist.

SIR GUM

(to Nobwist)

You have the look of a wizard to you.

NOBWIST

(irritated)

Im a mage.

BALIBOR

Dont mind him. Hes in one of hismoods. He prefers to be called Mmmage.

NOBWIST

Its not preferred, its my title.

BALIBOR

How was the journey, Sir Gum?

SIR GUM

I was beset upon by steel beasts,faster than any steed Iveseen. Theirnumbers kept me from slaying them all.

BALIBOR

Ah

SIR GUM

Twaslovely!

BALIBOR

I seewell I guess its time to get tobusiness.


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9.

SIR GUM

You have a quest in need of doing, am Icorrect?

BALIBOR

Yes. Our previous attempt ended in thedeath of our swordsman, Gibli.

A moment of silence.

BALIBOR

(gloomy)

The realm grows darker every day. Thekingdoms are threatening war, and goodmen fall on the roads.

ELIA

Its as if the prophecy is coming true

SIR GUM

What prophecy?

ELIA

The Prophecy of Very VeryBad Things.

BALIBOR

Hush! We dont speak of such things.Twould bevery, very bad. Itsjust amyth, just like the Sage of the Wood.

(to Sir Gum)

A peasants tale for another day.

SIR GUM

Your swordsman. Was he a good man?

ELIA

One of the best.

SIR GUM

Where might his spirit rest now?


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10.

NOBWIST

Hes probably in Center Hall. Hes gotOrgo.

SIR GUM

Center Hall of Orgo. It sounds like amighty fine afterlife. May he findpeace in his eternal rest.

BALIBOR

Hear hear!

Balibor takes a passionate, almost drunkenly swig. Nobwiststares curiously at Sir Gum.

SIR GUM

But I must ask: you have a realm fullof sellswords. Why call for me?

BALIBOR

You see, were not the most revered ofadventurers in this realm.

SIR GUM

Are you not members of any group orkingdom?

BALIBOR

No, notreally.

SIR GUM

Any quests or heroic deeds to yourname?

BALIBOR

Nothing too big, per se

The Server returns and hands Sir Gum his drink.

SERVER

Your drink, sir.

SIR GUM

Ah, it looks mighty fine!


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11.

BALIBOR

(to server)

Thanks, Janice.

SERVER

Fuck off, Balibor.

The Server walks off.

BALIBOR

(to Sir Gum)

That pretty much sums it up.

NOBWIST

Youre looking at the lowest of thelow, Warrior.

ELIA

Youre our last hope, Sir Gum. No onewill take us seriously enough to joinup, but you can change that!

BALIBOR

Well make it worth your while. Whatsay you?

A beat. Sir Gum thinks about it.

SIR GUM

By the time this is done, well belegends.

Sir Gum begins drinking his ALE. He downs the entire thing inone go.

SIR GUM

Well, whatre we waiting for,Companions?

Balibor and Sir Gum shake on it.


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12.

EXT. MUIR CENTER DAY

Our Brave Companions navigate through the center of Muir.Market stalls bustle with customers. LARPers move to and fro.

Balibor and Sir Gum discuss. Elia and Nobwist tail frombehind.

BALIBOR

Now this isnt some high-fantasy TVseries were running here; we donthave time for world-building or lore,ok? Just keep the questions short, stayon your toes, dont fall behind, andyoull be ok. Got it?

SIR GUM

As you say, Clericbut Tee-Vee? Isthat a sort of spell?

BALIBOR

I grow fond of you already.

(to Nobwist, Elia)

Sir Gum is shaping up to be a goodchoice, is he not?

(to Sir Gum)

Alright heres what you need to knowabout DUSC: firstly, theres fivekingdoms.

NOBWIST

Dont you mean six?

BALIBOR

FiveMmmage.

Nobwist starts counting them off on his fingers.

NOBWIST

Muir, Marshall, Warren, ERC, Revelle--


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13.

BALIBOR

And theres your five! Please, we haveenough ground to cover as is; I cantbe stopping every five minutes toprovide meticulous exposition, Mmmage.

(to Sir Gum)

Now, how am I to explain the Kingdomsto youhmmmOh! Look there!

A pair a MAGICIANS walks by.

BALIBOR

The Revellian Magicians Guild!Dedicated to the Alchemical and Arcanearts, a guild to which our Nobwist

originates from.

Two WOOD ELVES come by next. Merchants. One carries a woodenbox.

BALIBOR

And there, the Wood Elves of Muir.Elias people. Archers, Rangers

The Wood Elves walk up to them.

W. ELF #1

Would you two humans care forsomerefreshments?

The second Wood Elf opens the BOX. Its implied to bemarijuana.

BALIBOR

oh, and masters of, uhherbalspecialties.

W. ELF #2

Tis smooth.

W. ELF #1

Tis very smooth.


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14.

W. ELF #2

Tis the stuff that took down Sir Ewanthe Abstinent.

BALIBOR

No, no thank you, please. Moving on!

Next up is a pair of DWARVES. Mean, short and stingy.

BALIBOR

Andtheres the Dwarves of the DwarvishWarren! Bad blood between them and theWood Elves. Its the typical Elf versusDwarf shtick, you know.

SIR GUM

But why?

BALIBOR

Obviously the Dwarves are compensating.The Elves got what they dont have.People think its theirwelltheirsize, but its the height thingthatreally bothers them.

A group of lavishly armored, decadent, HIGH ELVES pass by.

BALIBOR

Andwow, theresthe High Elves of theElvish Rhodesian City! Shifty folk,they are. Dont trust those roguescause theyll slit your throatyouknow, figure of speech.

Finally, two KNIGHTS of Marshall pass by.

BALIBOR

And, uh, there be the brave and gallantknights of Marshall. Peace-keepers ofthe realm. Their King will put a stopto any war, if it comes to that. Andthat makes five!

Balibor stops to look back at the parade of races that passedthem by.


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15.

BALIBOR

That was, that was oddly convenient.

SIR GUM

But none of them seemed to thirst forwar.

BALIBOR

Those were just the merchants; youshould see the actual fighters. Its areal political mess right now. You see,it all started with

Balibor guides Sir Gum ahead to talk and giggle about therealms politics, leaving Nobwist and Elia to watch on frombehind.

NOBWIST

Isnt that cute.

ELIA

Hes not bad, huh? And that attacklevelhe might be a lot of help!

NOBWIST

It hasnt even been five minutes andthose two are already chummy.

ELIA

Jealous?

NOBWIST

Please. They can have eachother, itslike they were soul-mates or something.Neither of them breaks character. Atall.

ELIA

Is that so wrong?

NOBWIST

Itsjust very, veryirritating.

An awkward pause in the conversation.


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16.

NOBWIST

(half-jokingly)

You know, its funny: wouldnt we makea cute-THEYD make a cute couple! They,not we! Its funny. A joke, see? Ha?

ELIA

Yeah

NOBWIST

Yeah, that wasnt funny, was it

EXT MUIR OUTSKIRTS DAY

Sir Gum and Balibor continue their conversation. Theyreheading to the boundary of the city, towards the roads.

BALIBOR

so now Muir and Warren are at eachothers throats. High Elves are actingsketchy, as always. Revelle refuses toacknowledge anything it-its madness!And dont even get me started on whatthis does to the continuity. I meancountless revisions to the lore bookand website and--

FARMER ALLIHAD

(OFF SCREEN)

Quit overwhelming the poor boy. Yourestarting to sound like a book of lore.

BALIBOR

Ah, and here is the purveyor of ourquest, Farmer Allihad renownedtraveler and trader.

FARMER ALLYIHAD the quest giver sits by his WAGON. One ofhis FARMHANDs is working behind the wagon, but hes kneeling.

FARMER ALLIHAD

Ive travelled all the five kingdoms,but Ive neverseen this one before.


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17.

BALIBOR

Hes from outside the realm. Justarrived.

Allihad smiles. He gets up, keenly interested in this new

warrior. Sir Gum and Allihad shake hands.

ALLIHAD

You have the look of a warrior to you.Whats your name, son?

SIR GUM

Sir Gum. Its an honor, noble farmer.

ALLIHAD

Chivalrous too! Youll be a hit withthe local maidens.

(to Elia)

Am I right, She-Elf?

ELIA

Oh, I dont really know about thatuh,were here for the quest?

ALLIHAD

Ah, so the brave companions are givingit another go?

BALIBOR

Yes, if you could fill in Sir Gum hereon the details.

ALLIHAD

(to Sir Gum)

Indeed. Im in need of great service,

Sir Gum. I requirea book.

SIR GUM

A book?

ALLIHAD

A Farmers Almanac from the Foundation.


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18.

SIR GUM

(to Companions)

A fetch quest. This is a fetch quest?

NOBWIST

Disappointed?

BALIBOR

Werenot the first to tryor fail.

ALLIHAD

Aye, Id do it myself, but its toodangerous, even with my farmhand Binnyhere.

BINNY stands up from behind the wagon, he towers over theothers. His imposing presence is enough to make Nobwist backoff.

NOBWIST

Hes uh, a really big farmhand.

ALLIHAD

You need strong hands on a farm andstronger on the roads. This is not aneasy task, which is why Ill reward

youlavishly.

SIR GUM

What kind of rewards?

ELIA

Loot!

BALIBOR

Experience!

ALLIHAD

And more, if you bring me that book.

SIR GUM

If my companions are willing, then soam I. Adventure calls!


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19.

BALIBOR

Huzzah! I think we found somethingspecial in this one, Allihad!

The Brave Companions begin setting off.

ALLIHAD

As do I. Bring the book back before theviolence starts, otherwise you mightnot return at all.

BALIBOR

Dont worry about that. There wont bea war as long as the Marshall King isaround!

ALLIHADLong live the King, then.

EXT SUN GOD STATUE DAY

The group begins their trek onto the roads at the outskirts ofMuir.

NOBWIST

No one gets that large and decides to

do manual labor.

BALIBOR

It matters not now, we have our quest!

ELIA

Were about to crossthe threshold, SirGum.

The four begin crossing under the Sun God statue, signifyingthe beginning of the roads: an unclaimed swath of no-mans

land separating the five kingdoms.

ELIA

The rules of good hospitality protectedus from harm in Muir. But once we crossthis point, anyone can set upon us.


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20.

BALIBOR

Keep sharp. No guards can protect ushere.

As they exit from the opposite of the statue, TWO WARRIORS

FIGHT to their immediate right. One ends the other with aSPELL. The victor FIST PUMPS victoriously in celebration. TheCompanions continue on.

EXT. UNIVERSITY WALK LATER

The companions are close to their destination. Balibor spotsthe foundation.

BALIBOR

I see it on the horizon. Not far now.

Sir Gum finishes recounting his tale of the Steel Beasts

SIR GUM

so I hacked at the beasts eyes andbythe divines, how it screamed! Thatswhen the leader showed up, with itsfiery eyes of red and blue, and abanshee-wail that pierced the skies.

ELIA

And thats when you made your escape,am I correct? How riveting!

Nobwist looks on with a hint of jealousy as Elia dotes overSir Gum. Then he spots something.

NOBWIST

Theres someone ahead.

The companions stop and look to where Nobwist points. They seea lone FIGURE in the distance.

SIR GUM

Could it be?

BALIBOR

Aye, we got company.


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21.

NOBWIST

Damn.

BALIBOR

Be ready. Be alert. It could be aTroll.

The companions begin drawing their weapons, getting spellsready, etc. as they draw closer to this figure

ELIA

It is a troll. Not good.

NOBWIST

Of all the things to come across

SIR GUM

What makes the troll so deadly?

BALIBOR

Believe it, Sir Gum; nothings worsethan a Troll.

The TROLL is standing in the center of the road. He doesntmove or speak until the companions get very close. When hedoes speak, he does so in a deep, guttural growl.

TROLL

None shall pass!

BALIBOR

Huh, well thats a shame. I mean wejust--

TROLL

I guard this road. I decide who passesand who doesnt. Its mine.

The troll leans in uncomfortably close to Balibors face.

TROLL

Is that what you wish, fat-man? Topass?

Balibor is too stunned to talk.


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22.

NOBWIST

Say something!

BALIBOR

(nervous)

We wish to pass, yes.

The tension builds.

TROLL

You look tasty, fat man. I would eatyouunless youreinterested in anoffer?

NOBWIST

(hushed)

Dont do it.

Elia grabs Nobwist by the arm and shakes her head at him.

TROLL

Im waiting, fat-man. Do you want myoffer? Or do you wish to die?

Another painfully long beat.

BALIBOR

L-lets hear it.

The troll nods and grins devilishly. Balibor is sweating.

TROLL

Prepare to die

The Troll slams a TABLE down seemingly from nowhere. TheresINFO CARDS and SIGN-UP sheets scattered across.

TROLL

of excitement when you hear about thegreat events we set up this week!

NOBWIST

(to Balibor)

Oh, now youve done it.


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23.

TROLL

We have an Amnesty meeting for allcreatures, mythical or otherwise, atsix today. Free mutton for all whocome!

BALIBOR

No, no thank you. Were not

The troll still hands them the INFO CARDS.

TROLL

Take them! Take them!

(to Elia)

What about you, She-Elf? Ditch thesehumans. Non-Human Coalitionshaving aseminar tonight with Friends-Against-Gnome-Slavery. Interested?

ELIA

Please, we just need to pass.

Troll begins to frown.

TROLL

Not even for the gnomes?

Sir Gum loses his patience and steps forward.

SIR GUM

Enough of this unscrupuloussolicitation! Step aside, beast! Wehave important business!

The Trolls frown turns into a grimace. He looks at each ofthe companions.

TROLL

Nobody is interested? Even after I gaveyou the cards?So you lied to me?

The troll looks like hes about to explode with rage. Heslowly stands up. Balibor pushes to the back of the group.


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TROLL

It pains me, flesh-bags. It reallydoes

Out of nowhere, he swings an enormous AXE that CLEAVES THE

TABLE IN TWO.

TROLL

but YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

QUICK CUT:

a)Balibor readies his TALISMAN

b)Elia draws an ARROW

c)Nobwist pulls out a SPELL from his pouch

d)Sir Gum draws his SWORD

SIR GUM

Go!

The fight begins! Sir Gum BUM RUSHES the Troll while Elia andNobwist attack at a distance. Sir Gum is quickly KICKED AWAYby the Troll. Elia lets loose her ARROWS while screaming outtheir effects.

ELIA

Poison! Poison!

The Troll makes a grab for Elia, but Nobwist chucks a SPELL.

NOBWIST

Freeze!

The troll cannot move for 10 seconds. He SCREAMS out infrustration as Nobwist continues to CIRCLE around him,THROWING FIREBALL SPELLS. While all this goes on, Balibor isdrawing a huge CIRCLE around the group with CHALK. He

completes the circle.

BALIBOR

Its all done! Healing circle!

Sir Gum rushes in for another attack. The troll and he TRADEBLOWS for a little while. Balibor takes notice of Sir Gumsfierce fighting skills.


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BALIBOR

Hes absolutely ferocious!

A SPELL hits the Troll in the face. He roars. Balibor standsback to observe the fight. The other three are attacking the

Troll in beautiful synchrony.

BALIBOR

We may actually do this

The Troll pushes Sir Gum out of the way and he charges towardsBalibor.

BALIBOR

Piss!

Before the Troll can collide with Balibor, Sir Gum TRACKLEShim, sending the Troll to the GROUND. Sir Gum rushes over toSLAM his sword into him, but the Troll DEFLECTS it with hisaxe. Sir Gums sword is FLUNG FROM HIS HANDS. The troll KICKSthe sword away. He begins approaching Sir Gum, about to raisehis axe against him. Elia HITS the Troll with an arrow to theface; its enough to bring the TrollTO HIS KNEES. NobwistFINISHES HIM with a FIREBALL TO THE CHEST. The Troll falls tothe ground, SLAIN.

NOBWIST

You see that? Ha ha! Killing blow!

No one pays him any mind. Nobwist squats down to the ear ofthe Troll.

NOBWIST

Theres a special place in troll-hellfor card peddlers like you. Enjoyyour stay!

Elia rushes over to Balibor and Sir Gum.

NOBWIST

Hey Eliadid yousee?

ELIA

(to Balibor)

Are you ok, Balibor?


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26.

BALIBOR

I cant believe we actually did itandyou savedme Sir Gum.

SIR GUM

Enough of that. We have a quest, dontwe?

Sir Gum pulls Balibor up and clasps him by the shoulder. Theystart off for the foundation. Nobwist is left to his gloating.

NOBWIST

(mumbling tohimself)

You guys had to of seensighI dontget enough appreciation. I carried,didnt I?

Nobwist follows till OFFSCREEN. After a beat, the Troll getsup.

TROLL

What a prick.

EXT. GIESAL LIBRARY DAY

They walk towards the entrance. The Foundation (GeiselLibrary) looms above them. Balibor hops ahead of the group andturns to speak.

BALIBOR

Ill be breaking my promise here,because its time for more exposition.

Balibor gestures to the library.

BALIBOR

The Foundation. Its the Center of theRealm. Hallowed ground. Looks like alibrary, yeah? Well its not, its theFoundation.

Marching is heard. Balibor becomes distracted.


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27.

BALIBOR

Run by the Silent Acolytes since thefirst age, the Foundation has stoodthe, uhtest of time. Some say theAcolytes wereappointedby the sage

Balibor loses track of his speech completely as five COLUMNSof LARPers march by and straight into the Foundation.

SIR GUM

Five columns. Five kingdoms.

Balibor rushes to the two Marshall GUARDS lagging at theentrance.

BALIBOR

Whats this? Are the kingdoms readyingfor war?!

GUARD #1

Well, uh

(to Guard #2)

Are we allowed to tell them?

GUARD #2

They seem nice enough.

(to Balibor)

Were just here to guard doors.

GUARD #1

Yeah, were not higher-upper peoplematerial. I guess we can tell ya.

GUARD #2

So, as youve probably noticed, theres

been a lot of queer going-ons lately

GUARD #1

so the kingdoms have decided to meetand discuss before things get toohairy


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28.

GUARD #2

And I dont mean the boy-kissing kindof queer, like soft-lips here

GUARD #1

(to Guard #2)

What is that supposed to mean?

GUARD #2

Take it easy, you know we tolerate allforms of love and attraction in DUSC.

GUARD #1

Certainly didnt soundlike a taller-ant to me.

GUARD #2

Thats tolerant. No wonder they putyou on door duty.

GUARD #1

Well, you cant be any better if yourehere too.

GUARD #2

Well of course! Why else would ournames be Guard one and Guard two ifwe didnt absolutely blowwell, in yourcase, thats quite apt, no?

Balibor interrupts their argument.

BALIBOR

Uhwerejust looking for a book. Maywe enter?

GUARD #2

Wah? Oh, I dont see why not. Had to bepretty high level to get all the wayout here by yourselves.

(to Sir Gum)

Oi, Strong Arms, whats your attacklevel?


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29.

SIR GUM

(proud)

Fifty-six.

GUARD #2

(long whistle)

Dayum!

GUARD #1

Strong andhandsome.

(to Elia)

Am I right, She-Elf?

ELIA

(annoyed)

People need to stop with this, really.

Elia leads the group into the Foundation, leaving the twoGuards to themselves.

GUARD #1

I think the name Guardtwo kinda fitsme, huh?

GUARD #2

No, Im Guard two.

INT. FIRST FLOOR OF GEISAL DAY

The Companions walk through the Foundation. A group ofACOLYTES walk past in the other direction.

SIR GUM

We should be looking for that book.

BALIBOR

Nay, we have a chance to meet the king!

SIR GUM

But what about Allihadsquest? Thebook?


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BALIBOR

Im going to that meeting. Id liketofeel important for once in my sadcareer as a Healer!

Sir Gum looks back at Elia and Nobwist for answers.

ELIA

Its been Balibors dream to serve theMarshall King.

NOBWIST

Heard he screwed up spectacularly whentrying out for the Marshall Guard.

ELIA

Sore subject, Nobwist

Balibor motions to them from up ahead.

BALIBOR

Its already begun! Hurry!

INT. MEETING ROOM DAY

The Companions walk in mid-discussion. All Kingdoms arerepresented, with a small entourage for each. Silent Acolytesguard the doors.

W. ELF LEADER

Our reports have it that the High Elveshave been sending troops into theAncient Wood.

R. HIGH WIZARD

To amass an army in secret, surely.

BALIBOR

(to Sir Gum.Hushed.)

The High Elves are guilty as sin. Justlook at them! They lookevil!


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W. ELF LEADER

I say we respond proactively byeliminating the threat now.

MARSHALL KING

What do you have to say, High Elves?

H. ELF MAGISTRATE

Liesall of it!Those who enter theAncient Wood are lost, this is known.

MARSHALL KING

Didnt stop the Count and the Baby-Cleaver, did it? Certainly didnt stopyou from helping them out

BALIBOR

(to Sir Gum)

The Count and the Baby-Cleaver: therealms most notorious criminals. TheHigh Elves followed them into waragainst Marshall.

HAND

May the two Scum never rise up again

H. ELF MAGISTRATE

It is not in our interests. We sufferedgreatly because of that; a second warwould be mostdeadly.

DWARVEN KING

Were letting pointy-eareds tell uswhat to do? When the Wood Elves arecraftier than their high-born cousins?!

H. ELF MAGISTRATE

(to Wood Elves)

Indeed. What vexes you? Perhaps youbelieve something is hidden in thosewoods? Somethingforbidden?

Dark whispers fill the room. Murmers of forbidden power anda prophecy.


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W. ELF LEADER

Noits just dark tales.

MARSHALL KING

Then lets not speak of such darktales. Alright, lets take a moment tojust calm down and--

DWARVEN KING

Still wouldnt trustem with my sister.

W. ELF LEADER

You insolent short little fools!

More shouting. Elves and Dwarves pull out their weapons.

MARSHALL KING

Woah! Chill, people, chill! Just CHILL!Calm down. Yeah, thats it. Come on

The two parties lower their weapons, though they continue tostare each other down.

MARSHALL KING

No need to raise voices. The Count isdead. The Baby-Cleaver is dead. Thereisnt going to be a war. We know this.

Why? Cause there wont be a war as longas Im around.

BALIBOR

Well said!

(to Sir gum)

See what I mean?

MARSHALL KING

Its what Im here for.I think weredone here

He turns his back to the group. Everyone GASPS. The KingsHand is first to respond.

KINGS HAND

Sire, youryour back.


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33.

The King turns and chases his back to get a good view, thendecides to simply grab at whatever it is. He finds a KNIFEin his back, a kill shot. He looks at the rest of the peoplein the room, shock on his face.

MARSHALL KING

Piss.

The King slumps on the meeting table, DEAD. The room isspeechless before immediately erupting into chaos. Swords aredrawn, threats are made. The Companions awkwardly stand in thecenter of it all.

KINGS HAND

SILENCE!

The two door-guards enter, huffing and puffing.

GUARD #2

Nobody move, nobody move! Everyone hereis a witness!

GUARD #1

You know, the King dont look too bad.I think we can save him!

GUARD #2

No man, hes dead. Game over. Ourliege-lord is dead. Hesdead. The Kingis deaduh

(to Kings Hand)

Should we start panicking?

KINGS HAND

You were supposed to guard the doors!Who did you let in?!

The guards point at the Brave Companions

GUARD #1

Just those folk over there! But theyseemed like good people. Nothing queerabout them!

The Hand rushes over to the group, singling out Balibor.


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KINGS HAND

YOU. WHAT HAVE YOUwaitBalibor? My,its Balibor the Witless Wonder! I hopeyou didnt come here to convince me tolet you back into the Marshall guard

DWARVEN KING

Are they of any risk?

KINGS HAND

Certainly not. If Balibor here hadanything to do with this, he would havestabbed himself before getting close.Hes harmless. Im sure his friends aretoo.

(to Companions)You better go home, peasants. This warisnt for you.

GUARD #1

So what happens now?

KINGS HAND

Marshall has a king to raise. In themeantime, the Kingdoms should preparefor the worst. No one can be trusted,

and war is coming.

Everyone looks suspiciously at each other. The High Elves havealready left.

W. ELF LEADER

See you on the battlefield, then.

The rest of the groups begin shuffling out.

GUARD #1

Ive always wanted to be king!

GUARD #2

Itd be queen in your case, I think.

GUARD #1

And you could be my trusted hand!


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Now only the Brave Companions are left.

BALIBOR

(dejected)

Twas a sillyidea coming here. Letsjust go get that book.

NOBWIST

(cheery)

You know? Im actually for this! Letsgo!

The Dwarven King blocks their exit. The Dwarfs Hand, NOKI,stands beside him.

DWARVEN KING

Hold on! You have about yourselves;like you dont know what youredoingYoull be perfect!

NOBWIST

Um, we should get going. That book,yknow?

DWARVEN KING

This whole business stinks. Those herb-

grubbing Wood Elves are planningsomething foul

(to Elia)

No offence intended, Mam.

BALIBOR

What are you saying?

DWARVEN KING

Im sayingMuirs planning something inthe Ancient Wood. And I want you fourto check it out.

BALIBOR

The Wood is forbidden. Why us?


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DWARVEN KING

No onell care if a couple of lowlevels just wander in. Youll just dieor something, they wont care. I mean,you guys reek of mediocrity. Its fool

proof!

ELIA

Thanks?

DWARVEN KING

Take my Dwarf Vassal here, Noki. Hellrepresent the Warren in your mission. Ihave a battle to plan. Return to mewhen you find out whats going on.

Noki steps forward at his mention.

NOBWIST

And uh, why should we help you?

DWARVEN KING

If the Wood Elves think somethings outtherethe Prophecy may really be comingtrue.

SIR GUM

Of Very Very Bad Things? But How?

A Silent Acolyte steps out from behind Sir Gum.

ACOLYTE JEFF

Allow meChosen One.

CUT TO: INT. FOUNDATION - SHELVES DAY

The Companions with Noki added rush between shelves tryingto keep up with Acolyte Jeff

SIR GUM

What do you mean, Chosen One?


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ACOLYTE JEFF

This was prophesized - the war, theforest, all of it.

ELIA

So the Sage is real?

ACOLYTE JEFF

Oh you better believe it, Sister. Hewrote the rules, established the lore,all that good stuff. He was the firstone. The kingdoms came later.

ELIA

So what happened?

ACOLYTE JEFF

He went all Survivor Man on us raninto the woods and was never seenagain.

BALIBOR

The ancient wood

ACOLYTE JEFF

The Sage was a bitoff, but he wasnt

without any sense. You see, the Sagepossessed a piece of Loot. This thinghadpower, man. It was, like, forbiddenpower. Wars were waged over the damnthing. Here.

Acolyte Jeff pulls a book from a shelf and hands it toBalibor. Balibor reads the page that Jeff had opened to.

BALIBOR

The Loot of Forbidden Power

ACOLYTE JEFF

If you thought Mages were OP,wellaccording to our textsthis thingmade you unstoppable. To protect all ofus, the Sage ran into the woods to hideit.


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NOBWIST

Please. Mages arent thatOP.

ACOLYTE JEFF

So you admit it? Well, thats a start.Just come talk to me when youre notnuking half the play field with stunspells. Drives people nuts.

BALIBOR

You have the truth of it!

ACOLYTE

So before the Sage left, he foretoldthat someone would come to claim theloot - someone of immense power andendthe realm.

BALIBOR

The Prophecy of Very

ACOLYTE JEFF

--of Very Very bad things, yeah. Evilrises. Everybody and everythingPoof!Destroyed! Its bad stuffBUT, beforethe Sage left he gave us a writtenprophecy. And on that prophecy he left

Acolyte Jeff presents the PROPHECY to them.

ACOLYTE JEFF

An asterisk!

Balibor takes it and skims through.

BALIBOR

Warprophecyforbidden powerhmm, theforeign warrior may or may not put a

stop to this, Im not sure

(to Acolyte Jeff)

Its written in crayon?


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39.

ACOLYTE JEFF

Our texts imply the Sage was a bit ofan eccentric. But forget that, causethat little asterisk means we stillhave a chance! You have a chance, Sir

Gum! Youre the foreign warrior!TheChosen One!

BALIBOR

Weve been travelling with the ChosenOne. This entire time!

ELIA

I suddenly feel relevant!

NOBWIST

And why should we believe you?

ACOLYTE JEFF

Look, I wouldnt have given you allthat exposition if it was crock, ok?Its sudden I know, but I gotta getthis across to you in as few pages ofdialogue as possible, Im over thelimit as is. Just follow along, wedont have much time!

SIR GUM

What exactly do you want us to do?

ACOLYTE JEFF

Go into the wood. Find the Sage. Ifhes still alive, protect him. If thesedark forces take the loot, it means theend of the realm.

SIR GUM

Well, how do we find the Sage?

ACOLYTE JEFF

The Sage drew a map too. Now which bookis the damn thing inah! Here it is!

Acolyte Jeff presents the book to them. The group GASPS andAWES at the title.


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NOKI

This Dwarf needs an explanation. Whatdoes a Farmers Almanachave to do withanything?

Acolyte Jeff is holding the same book Allihad asked for: THEFARMERS ALMANAC.

EXT. EDGE OF THE WOOD LATE AFTERNOON

The group is nearing the edge of the ERC woods.

BALIBOR

What news from Marshall, Dwarf?

NOKI

The process of raising a king has hitsome complications.

BALIBOR

By that you mean?

NOKI

I mean theyve gone all Game of Throneson us: no one can hold the throne formore than 17 seconds without gettingbetrayed, slain, kicked in theshinits not looking good.

BALIBOR

The political opposition must be tough.I wonder how our friends of the Door-Guard fare?

CUT TO: MARSHALL THRONE ROOM

The throne room is awash with SCREAMS and MAYHEM. The Door

Guards are hiding under a table.

GUARD #2

I dont think we were meant forpolitics.


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GUARD #1

Look, future hand! The thrones open! Ithink I have a shot! Im goingfor it!

GUARD #2

Dont do it.

GUARD #1

Im gonna!

GUARD #2

Dont do it.

GUARD #1

Oh, Im GONNA!

Another SCREAM. The previous HANDS body falls right in frontof them. They both SCREAM.

GUARD #1

IM NOT GONNA. IM NOT GONNA.

CUT TO: BALIBOR AND NOKI

SIR GUM

They have their mission. We have ours.

Come on, I see the edge of the Wood.

Up ahead a little, Nobwist and Elia are walking together.

NOBWIST

May or may not put a stop to this.Who writes a prophecy without knowingif somethings absolutely going tohappen?

ELIA

Were with the Chosen one! Theresglory in this still!


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NOBWIST

For him, yeah. Not for us. Look, thiswhole thing is unfathomably stupid, andtheyre way too into this. Lets bringAllihad the Almanac, just you and me,

huh?

Elia looks back at Sir Gum with a look on her face.

ELIA

I wish to stay here. With the ChosenOne. I think we should. II dont know,I just want to.

NOBWIST

Oh, well thats justper

Nobwist is hit by an ARROW STRAIGHT TO THE FACE. The rest ofthe group unsheathe their weapons and look towards the forest,where the arrow originated. They cant see anything.

SIR GUM

An ambush?

NOKI

A warning shot!

Balibor rushes over to Nobwist to begin healing. Nobwist lookslike hes out cold.

SIR GUM

Is our Mage alright, Balibor?

BALIBOR

A little dazed, half his HP is gone,but hell be alright.

Balibor begins smacking Nobwist cheeks, getting him to wakeup. The group crowds around.

BALIBOR

Wake! Wake! Did you taste the fountainsof Valhalla, Mage?

NOBWIST

Get off of me.


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BALIBOR

By the divines, the Sage exists!

NOKI

He looks old.

SAGE

Class of 68, ayebut dill-dilly doing/I need explaining from you-ing! Howdyou find my humble abode?

BALIBOR

Great Sage, we have brought the ChosenOne, as stated in your prophecy!

SAGE

Fan-dilly-tastic this Sage sayswell/butuhjog my memory? Its notringin any bell.

BALIBOR

The Prophecy. You wrote it, of course.

A beat. The Sage obviously doesnt remember.

BALIBOR

The Prophecy. The Prophecy of Very VeryBad Things. You wrote it. Here it is,see?

Balibor shows him the Prophecy. The Sage looks at it dully.

SAGE

Its uh, not ringin a bell

A beat.

Bellbelly-bell! Whod like a tale of

ELIA

(agitated)

We went through a lot to get here. Areyou sure you dont remember? Werelooking for the Loot!


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SAGE

The what?

ELIA

The loot. The LOOT!

BALIBOR

The Loot of Forbidden Power. Its whyyou live out here, remember? To protectthe realm?

The Sage thinks about it. Then he snaps his fingers.

SAGE

This old coot remembers whats amiss/Be it you fine fellows speak of

He removes his tattered PONCHO.

SAGE

this?

The Companions awe in its presence.

SAGE

A dark power courses through theLoot/Frost resistance, fire resistance,

and shock damage to boot!/ but the realkicker for a challenger in waiting/thewearers defense goes up by the enemysarmor-rating...

A beat.

SAGE

and multiply that by a thousand.

BALIBOR

A thousand!? That would make theminvincible! Unkillable!

NOBWIST

The Loot looks like crap.


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SIR GUM

Make no mistake. Tis evil in that Loot

ELIA

Well, I dont see why the Sage cantjust use it to protect himself.

SAGE

Im a pacifist.

ELIA

Well, its disgusting. Cant we justdestroy it? Throw it out, maybe?

SAGE

Nay.

BALIBOR

Nay? NAY? This is the source of ourtroubles and we cannot simply rip it intwo?

SAGE

If you had access to forbidden power,would you really give it up?

BALIBOR

We are fucked. MOTHERFUCKED, if thisthing falls in the wrong hands, ok?This-this thing is forbidden! Itsforbidden power!

SAGE

Say! Do any of youuhyou know? Likeuh

The Sage acts out the motions of smoking. No response.

SAGE

Anyone? Cause a couple decades in thewoods gives you a craving. And itturns out inhaling burnt leaves andgrass just isnt the same. So uh

A beat.


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ELIA

No. No we dont.

SAGE

Wellif protect me you must, so be it/But rest assured, my fine felly-fellows, nothing will come of

Sage stumbles when he realizes hes rhyming it with it

SAGE

itWell, gnight!

The Sage retreats to his hut, leaving the Companions to theircampfire.

ELIAThe Sage is a hermit, hes half-baked,and he talks like Dr. Suess. This isthe most important person in DUSC.

NOKI

I believe he was going for a TomBombadil, but no, that wasnt very goodeither.

A beat passes.

NOBWIST

So, what now, Companions? Are you allsatisfied? Weve seen the loot. Thisguys a joke. Lets go.

BALIBOR

Nay, we stay here.

NOBWIST

What, you think Marshalls going to

take you back in if you do this? Afterthe screw-up you pulled?


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(to Sir Gum)

Want to know why Balibors nickname isthe Witless Wonder? When trying outfor the Marshall guard, this idiot senthis weapon of choice freaking nun-

chucks right into his instructorsthroat. Permenant damage to his voicebox; the guy still talks like LouisArmstrong.

ELIA

Have you no decency, Nobwist?!

BALIBOR

No, the scumspeaks the truth. I hadwhat you call acritical failure. I was

kicked out immediately. I remember thelaughing, the humiliation. I haventused my nun-chucks since.

Balibor PADS the pocket where he keeps his old weapons.

SIR GUM

There may come a time when youll haveto use those.

BALIBOR

I hope I never do. You know Im not afighter, Sir Gum. They would be toodangerous in my handsunless of course,they happened to hit our Mmmage.

(to Nobwist)

I have lost whatever shred of respect Iever had for you.

NOBWIST

Take a joke, whydoncha?

ELIA

Seriously, Nobwist. Not cool.

NOKI

It seems the days events have takena toll on us all. Why not rest?


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SIR GUM

Indeed, we need our strength. Illtake first watch.

The group prepares for sleep.

EXT. SAGES HUT NIGHT

Sir Gum sits by himself, cleaning his SWORD with an old TOWEL.The fire shines off his face. He looks very, very, serious.

From behind

NOBWIST

Where do you get off

SIR GUM

Its not your watch yet, Mage.

NOBWIST

Think you can just waltz in here andsteal the show, Chosen-One?

SIR GUM

I dont understand.

NOBWIST

Its just a game. When its over youlljust be like everyone else.

SIR GUM

What on middle-earth are you talking

NOBWIST

Why dont you break character?

SIR GUM

Character--? You think this is a game?


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NOBWIST

And there it is again! You neverbreakcharacter. Not once. Why dont you? Imsure Elia would appreciate it.

SIR GUM

The She-Elf?

Nobwist grabs Sir Gum by his shirt.

NOBWIST

Dont play dumb with me. Im the Mage,here. She likes you, Gummy. I see it.She likes you. I carried this teambefore you came! And now youre here toswoon her off her feet.

SIR GUM

It-it would never could never workout. I mean, shes an elf, Im ahumanare our parts even compatible--?

Nobwist begins shaking him.

NOBWIST

Stop it! Stop doing that! Stop andbreak character! Why dont you! Breakand tell me the truth! Break it!

Sir Gum throws Nobwist off of him.

SIR GUM

(threatening)

Enough.

NOBWIST

are you for real?

SIR GUM

War is coming.

NOBWIST

You arent pretending, are you? Itsall real for you.


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SIR GUM

Dont tempt me, Mage. Go get somesleep. We must protect the Sage.

NOBWIST

You think this is actually happening.You think youre really a Chosen One.

Sir Gum moves forward to help Nobwist. Nobwist pushes awayfrom him.

NOBWIST

Stay away from me.

Nobwist slinks back to his original spot, never taking hiseyes of Sir Gum. Sir Gum goes back to cleaning his sword.

EXT. SAGES HUT MORNING

Balibor is the first to wake up. He realizes that theyresurrounded by HOODED MEN with all their BOWS DRAWN.

BALIBOR

Well.

FARMER ALLIHAD

Good morning, Cleric. Would you kindlyrouse your companions?

BALIBOR

Fellowsfellows. HEY. Wake up!

The others rise and rub the sleep out of their eyes. Noki hasthe hardest time.

NOKI

did-did we win?

BALIBOR

No, but weve been surrounded.

FARMER ALLIHAD

Adventurers, whatever happened to mybook?


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ELIA

The farmer!

BALIBOR

Thats no farmerI should have known:Its the Count, in the flesh!

ALLIHAD

An accurate deduction. Good job,Cleric.

NOKI

Gee, howd you deduce that?

BALIBOR

Chekovs gunand the fact that Farmerscant have the intelligence stats toread.

NOKI

Chekov?

ALLIHAD

Please, Ive grown fond of my aliasAllihad. I think Ill keep it. Thoughmy right-hand man has grown out of his

Binny, the BABY-CLEAVER walks up. Hes HUGE. AGREAT HAMMER ishis weapon of choice. How he cleaves anythingwith it ishorrifying speculation.

BABYCLEAVER

I AM NOW THE CHILDCLEAVER. FEAR ME.

NOKI

Waitwhat? Whos Chekov?

ALLIHAD

And hell, why not reveal my allies whomade all of this possible? If you will

The others remove their hoods. Revealing an army of Muir WoodElves and Revellian Magicians.


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BALIBOR

Oh, so it was Muir and Revellehuh. Bythe divines, was I wrong about that.

ALLIHAD

My friends here were more than willingto help me out. And who ever to suspectthem after 50 years of well-establishedfantasy tropes?

W. ELF LEADER

They never do suspect the wood elves,do they?

HIGH WIZARD

Nor the kooky magicians. Got to thankTolkien for that

Noki stands up to confront Allihad. His army raises theirweapons towards the Dwarf, but Allihad simply smiles with hishands behind his back.

NOKI

I dont know who you are, how longyouve been watching us sleep,or whatthis Chekov has to do with anything,but youll neverget that Loot! TheSage will make sure of that!

The Child Cleaver hands the LOOT OF FORBIDDEN POWER over toAllihad.

ALLIHAD

Too late.

BALIBOR

Buthow!

SAGE

(OFF SCREEN)

Umhello fellows?

They all turn. The Sage is hiding behind a tree. He waves abag of TRIX CEREAL, gesturing at it.


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SAGE

Uh, hehe, what can I say? They knew myweakness. This stuff is the best.

Elia is visibly disappointed with the Sage.

ALLIHAD

And none of this would have beenpossible if not for your arrival,Chosen One. The King of Marshall wasthe last thing preventing me fromacquiring the Loot. Now, with the Kingslain, the Kingdoms in chaos, and theSage revealed, nothing can stop me.

SIR GUM

And now you intend to slay us?

ALLIHAD

I promised great rewards, didnt I?Only, you never finished my quest

BALIBOR

Well I believe this is it, lads. Itsbeen an honor servingwaitwheresNobwist?

A HORN BLOWS. All turn towards the sound. The DWARVEN KING hasarrived on the scene with his men. The King steps forward.

DWARVEN KING

Look at this, two walking corpses and acouple of traitorous dogs

The two armies organize and line themselves up, preparing forbattle.

DWARVEN KING

Ill die before I see a coupleagranola-eating panty-waists and someWwwizards take over my kingdom. TheWarren is mine.

ALLIHAD

Good luck, then. Youre outnumbered.

A SECOND HORN BLOWS. The High Elves have arrived on site.


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HIGH ELF MAGISTRATE

Oh, hey everybody! Remember wheneveryone thought we were the bad guys?Wellyou just cant judge a book by itscover, can you?

SHOUTS OF ASSENT from the High Elves.

DWARVEN KING

AYE! But you guys do kinda sketch usout. You need to work on how youpresent yourselves, yeah.

GRUNTS OF APPROVAL from both sides.

ALLIHAD

Slaughtering you all here will onlymake my imminent conquest of DUSC thatmuch easier!

The Kingdom of Marshall arrives, the new king is

BALIBOR

Guard One! Guard Two!

Guard One gestures to himself.

GUARD #1

Hold up! It isnt a battle untilMarshall arrives! And say hello to thenew king!

(to Guard #2)

Blow the horn.

Guard #2, now the new Kings Hand, BLOWS his Horn. He gesturesto Guard #1.

GUARD #2

Long live the new King! OrQueenbydefault! I mean, we were the only onesleft alive when they opened up the doorso I guess thats--

ALLIHAD

How did any of you find this place!!


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GUARD #1

(to Guard #2)

Ignore the criminal. Blow the hornagain.

(after the horn)

FORM UP!

The Marshall army forms up ranks with the Dwarves and ERC.

GUARD #2

Yeah, you think you guys stand achance? We have Strong-Arms on ourside! You even heard about this guy andhis attack level?

(to Sir Gum)

Tellem, Strong-Arms!

SIR GUM

Fifty-eight.

Everyone is impressed. WHISTLES and WOAHS and WOWS from bothsides.

ALLIHAD

Enough of this! I dont care what hisattack level is, we still haveForbidden Power! Now, is everyone here?Can we start?

Before they can begin, ANOTHER HORN blows that is audibly lessimpressive than the other horns. A ragged group of DRUIDS andPEASANTS arrives.

SIXTH DRUID

Why is it that whenever something biggoes on, nobody invites us? The Sixth

Kingdom of DUSC? Anyone?

UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE.

NOKI

A couple of dirt hovels and a toilet donot constitute a kingdom.


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SIXTH DRUID

We are the Sixth Kingdom and we will

not be insulted!

NOKI

Aye, a Kingdom. Next youre gonna tellus that youre a legitimate collegetoo, right?

LAUGHS from the crowd. But the Sixth army is not amused. Theypull out their mediocre sticks and impromptu weapons to fight.

SIXTH DRUID

We are the SIXTH Kingdom and we will-

DWARVEN KING

Lets just get on with it!

ALLIHAD

Lets.

All troops let out a WAR CRY as they collide for battle.

Heres how it goes down: Elia and Noki are put up against theleader of the Wood Elves. Balibor and Sir Gum take on theChild Cleaver. These two battles occur simultaneously, withimages of random battles flashing throughout.

Elia and Noki charge the Wood Elf Leader, who uses TWO SWORDS.Their attacks cannot penetrate his defense.

ELIA

We cant hit him!

W. ELF LEADER

I draw my power from the trees, andweresurrounded by them. You think youhave any chance?

NOKI

I think I do.

Noki rushes in for an attack, but the Wood Elf is alreadypreparing an attack himself, bringing both swords over hishead. Noki blocks, but not with his axe, but with a LONG,LEAFY BRANCH. The Branch SNAPS from the Elfs blow, and the


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Elf cries out in pain, clutching his chest. He drops hisswords.

The Wood Elf falls to his knees.

W. ELF LEADER

Ahh! Trickery! You tree killer! Dontyou know that every time I kill nature,it HURTS?!

Noki walks up to the disarmed Wood Elf with his axe.

NOKI

Aye, but if we dont kill nature, thenhow will we build our houses?

Noki slams his axe into the Wood Elf, sending him CRASHING TO

THE GROUND, DEFEATED.

ELIA

Not bad, Dwarf.

NOKI

You did adequate for a She-Elf, Isuppose.

ELIA

Please. Does the Warren even havefemales?

NOKI

Hmmit really doesnt, does it?

CUT TO: CHILD CLEAVER FIGHT

CHILD CLEAVER

THE CHILD-CLEAVER CANNOT BE DEFEATED.

Balibor is running from the Child Cleavers attacks. Sir Gumis attempting to hold his ground, but failing.

BALIBOR

How do you cleave anything with agoddamn hammer!


59/73

59.

SIR GUM

Hold to it, Balibor!

BALIBOR

Im a healer, not a fighter! How am Isupposed to do this?

SIR GUM

Remember your dreams! Who you wanted tobecome! Remember--

Sir Gum is SLAMMED by the Child Cleavers hammer. Hes out itseems. The Child Cleaver turns his attention to Balibor.

BALIBOR

Well, I guess youve left me with nochoice.

Balibor takes out NUNCHUCKS and attempts some BRUCE LEESWINGING MOVES. His Nun-chucks accidentally (seemingly) flyfrom his hands, soaring straight towards the Child CleaversTHROAT. DIRECT HIT. It sends the criminal to his knees,GAGGING.

BALIBOR

I call that a critical SUCCESS!

Balibor runs towards him. The Child Cleaver croaks out a pleafor mercy just before Balibor DROP-KICKS him to the ground,DEFEATED.

BALIBOR

Did I just do that? Sir Gum, did yousee that?!

END FIGHT

The leaders of Warren and ERC rush by in the middle of combatto give Balibor praise.

DWARVEN KING

I thought wrong of you, Cleric! Wegotem on theropes!


60/73

60.

HIGH ELF MAGISTRATE

Indeed, that was most impressive. TheCount and his men are all that remains,let us be rid of them.

They rush back into the fight.

Sir Gum pushes himself up and SMILES at Balibor. As Baliborwalks over to help him up, Balibor is HIT in the back with aPARALYSIS SPELL. The attacker then SLASHES HIM in the backwith a sword. Balibor drops to the ground, revealing hiskiller to be NOBWIST. Hes wearing the LOOT OF FORBIDDENPOWER. He looks at Sir Gum and RUNS AWAY. Sir Gum is tooshocked to react.

Sir Gum carries Balibor to the base of a tree; Noki and Eliaare there as well. A few stragglers FIGHT in the B.G.

BALIBOR

Wellcoughpiss

(to Sir Gum)

Sir Gum, make hasteyou musttake offyour armor. All of it.

ELIA

What?!

NOKI

This tale has taken quite the turn

BALIBOR

No, not like that! You must take offyour armor, to overcome the Lootsevilpower. Remember what the Sage said,your armor-rating makes him unkillable.

SIR GUM

One thousand times an armor-rating ofzero is

BALIBOR

Aye, Zero. Its aloopholeonly youhave a chance of defeatingcough,coughmy time is short. Let me say mygoodbyes.


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61.

(to Elia)

Ive always sensed your feeling for me,She Elf.

ELIA

What?! Uhwhat are

BALIBOR

Shh, shh. Dont deny it. Youre not thefirst to fall for mycoughsexualappeal.

ELIA

Yep, ok, whatever you say

BALIBOR

Our love would have never lasted, dontbe afraid to find someone else in yourlife.

ELIA

Yeah, ok, ok

BALIBOR

And Dwarf, you areunlike any DwarfIve ever met. Andcough, coughwhere

is the M-Ma-Mmma

Sir Gum darkens at Nobwists mention.

SIR GUM

The Mage ishell be dealt withTheyllsing of your deeds when this is over,Balibor.

BALIBOR

Thatpleases me. I believe my time in

DUSC is at an endtime to find whatlies beyond this life.

SIR GUM

Orgo, my friend. Center Hall of Orgoawaits.


62/73

62.

Balibor closes his eyes, DEAD. In his rage, Sir Gum spotsAllihad and advances towards him, SHOVING both friend and foeout of his way. Allihad turns to him with his sword ready.

ALLIHAD

Your Mage took the Loot. Just before heslew your bumbling Cleric. Hes waitingon the beach. Waiting for you

They TRADE BLOWS. A circle forms around them.

ALLIHAD

He ratted you all out. Told me wherethe Sage was. Everything. He hates you,you know. Abso-lutely loathes

Allihad THRUST his sword at Sir Gum, overextending his arm.

Sir Gum crashes his own sword DOWN on Allihads forearm,SHATTERING IT. Allihad SCREAMS bloody murder. Everyone stopsfighting, terrified. Theyve lost the stomach for pretend-fighting.

Sir Gum walks a few steps from the mess, Allihad stillscreaming and cursing. Random LARPers from both sides PICKALLIHAD up and CARRY HIM AWAY. Someone suggest calling anAMBULANCE. Another suggest calling the COPS.

ALLIHAD

(to Sir Gum)

HES WAIING FOR YOU, YOU SADISTICMOTHERFUCKER. ON THE BEACH. I HOPE HEBREAKS YOUR ARM TOO. AH JEZZUSSS!

Elia and Noki watch on from the sidelines.

NOKI

Where did you find this guy?

ELIA

We justwe found him on craigslist. Ohgodhes going to do that to Nobwist.We have to get to him. Now.

They leave for the beach in an attempt to reach Nobwist beforeSir Gum. The leaders of the five Kingdoms gather around SirGum, but at a distance. They look uncomfortable.


63/73

63.

DWARVEN KING

Ive fought many battles andJesus,Ive never seen that happen before.

GUARD #1

Sodoes this mean we win?

HIGH WIZARD

Oh, after that? You can win. Me and mypeople are calling it quits for awhile.

HIGH ELF MAGISTRATE

Arent there, like, rules againstwhat he did?

GUARD #2

So we win. Thats goodbutwhat now?

SIR GUM

(grim)

The war is almost overwe still have atraitor to deal with.

EXT BLACKS BEACH ACCESS ROAD DAYTIME

Elia and Noki are running down the access road to BlacksBeach.

NOKI

So you pick up a stranger. No ID. Noaddressand it takes you two days torealize the guys a psychopath.

ELIA

Sounds like a comedy, doesnt it? And Irealize now that he wasnt talkingabout steel beasts. He was talkingabout fighting carsHe was beating upcars on his way here


64/73

64.

NOKI

Girl, to think you had a crush oncrazy.

ELIA

Please, that wasnt a crush. He washewas cute, thats all.

NOKI

Your cute little friend shatteredsomeones Radius and Ulna today.

ELIA

And we can stop him from doing it againto Nobwist. Come on!

EXT. BEACH MORNING

Nobwist waits in the ocean spray for Sir Gum. The tide goes inand out, in and out.

NOBWIST

(to himself)

Forbidden Poweryou have ForbiddenPower

In the distance, Elia and Noki are racing towards Nobwist.

They spot him.

NOKI

Theres the silly wizard.

Back to Nobwist. He doesnt notice them coming. He faces theocean.

NOBWIST

Forbidden PowerForbiddenpowerbutthat attack level

Elia and Noki are close.

NOBWIST

Man, oh man, that attack levelfifty-seven? Fifty-eight? Fifty-fifty nine?It keeps going up and up and up and up.He wont stop--


65/73

65.

ELIA

Nobwist!

Nobwist spins around, startled. He flails his sword at them.

NOBWIST

AGH! Stay back! You dont know what Imcapable of!

NOKI

Youre in a trouble, Wizard.

ELIA

Were here to help you.Quick, hescoming.

NOKI

Sir Gum is coming, Wizard.

ELIA

Yep, hes coming for you. You gottagive this up right now.

NOKI

Hes coming to clean your clock.

NOBWIST

Let him come.

ELIA

No, I dont think youunderstand.

NOBWIST

I dont think you understand. I joinedup solely because of you! Its all foryou!

ELIA

Uh?


66/73

66.

NOBWIST

I saw you and thought hey, shesintothis. Why not join up? Maybe slay acouple dudes, impress her with somestats, a quest maybe, and hey, wed be

like, a couple in no time!

ELIA

Please dont do this right now.

NOKI

(to Elia)

Well, that makes three.

NOBWIST

Im sick it, ok? Sick of it! Thenames, the-the accents, the stupidvoices, the prophecies EVERYTHING!I want all of it to just die!

Elia is standing there head in hands like, you cannot beserious.

NOKI

(to Elia)

Allow me

NOBWIST

Ive been a cock lately, I know. But Ireally think theres stillthat littlespark between us. Some chemistry! And--

NOKI

Hate to break it you, wizard, butyoure friend here has become a bit ofa hot commodity!

NOBWIST

What? What are you?

NOKI

Balibor.


67/73

67.

NOBWIST

Balibor?! You meanyou--

ELIA

Look, Nobwist. Im not looking for aboyfriend. And if it means anything, Ialways thought that you were nice. Justa nice person, you know? But the pastcouple hours--

NOBWIST

I carried, though!

ELIA

--No, shh, listen: the past couplehours have made me want to reconsidermy opinions of you.

NOBWIST

What. Balibor? This?

Nobwist tugs at the LOOT.

NOBWIST

Dont hold that against me

Elia and Noki glare at him reproachfully.

NOBWIST

Its just a game.

More silence

NOBWIST

(harsher)

Its a game.

NOKI

You killed Balibor.

NOBWIST

I HIT HIM WITH A CARDBOARD SWORD! AM ITHE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZES THIS?!


68/73

68.

Nobwist calms down.

NOBWIST

I still have the Loot. It doesntmatter. Its over.Im going to end

this game, one player at a time.

NOKI, ELIA

Theres a loophole.

NOBWIST

I dont think you know what thatmeansI. HAVE. FOR-BID-DENPOW-

NOKI

Theres a loophole, you dolt.

NOBWIST

Butbut I have forbidden power

NOKI

Sir Gums gonna come storming down thathill. And hes gonna start taking hisarmor off. Remember what the Sage said,Wizard?

NOBWIST

Wha? Dontcall me a

NOKI

Armor rating times thousand. Thatsyour defensebut what happens when thearmor rating is zero? Whats a thousandtimes zero, Wizard?

NOBWIST

(shock)

Nothis is so sssstupid.

NOKI

Youre mortal. Yep. Now get off thispower trip and

Nobwist lashes out.


69/73

69.

NOBWIST

Stupid! Its stupid! Youre all stupid!

ELIA

Hes acting up. Ive never seen him dothis.

(to Nobwist)

Nobwist, please

Nobwist throws a tantrum like a little girl. Pointing at thetwo.

NOBWIST

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!Youre both stupid. I dont even knowyoubut I can tell youre stupid. Youwere cool but now youre stupid.

SIR GUM

(in the distance)

NOBWIST!

NOBWIST

(shouting to SirGum)

And YOU.

He waits for Sir Gum to get closer to finish.

NOBWIST

Youre stupidest of them all

Sir Gum keeps walking forward. Noki and Elia step aside to lethim through.

SIR GUM

Youll die a traitors death for whatyouve done.

NOBWIST

They dont let stupid people be chosenones.


70/73

70.

SIR GUM

Youre a traitor to the realm and yourcompanions. Surrender and Ill take youto the Foundation. RefuseIll juststrike you down where you stand.

ELIA

Nobwist! Youre an ass, but I stillfeel sorry for you, so please justlisten to him!

NOKI

Listen to him, Wizard. Your bones wontbe the first hes broken.

NOBWIST

He thinks all of this is real. Hes thecrazy one, not me!

ELIA

We realized that when he snappedAllihads arm.

NOBWIST

Wait, he what--?

Sir Gum continues walking towards Nobwist, shedding his armor

piece by piece. Nobwist steps back.

Nobwist looks to both Elia and Noki in desperation. Then hemakes his choice.

NOBWIST

IIstill have a chance.

Elia puts her hands to her head.

NOKI

(to himself)

The wizards dead

SIR GUM

Very well.


71/73

71.

Nobwist steps forward. The tide rushes in between the twofighters.

The most epic of duels commences. As they fight, the tidecomes in and out, in and out. Too bad it only last about 15secondsSir Gum parries Nobwists attack and sends the Wizards

(Mages) sword flying through the air and into the sea. Gameover. The music stops. The reality of the situation sets infor Nobwist hes in danger.

Nobwist tries to back off slowly.

NOBWIST

Please dontm-mercy

Sir Gum lowers his sword. Nobwist thinks hes saved.

Sir Gum then grabs Nobwist by the head and slams him below the

water. Nobwist starts thrashing. The waves crash around thetwo. Sir Gum is drowning Nobwist.

ELIA

GET OFF OF HIM.

NOKI

Not good! That is not good!

Elia and Noki rush over and try and pull Sir Gum off Nobwist.Nobwist continues to kick and flail under the tide.

The two manage to wrestle Sir Gum away. Nobwist comes upgasping for air. He scrambles away from Sir Gum as fast aspossible, while Sir Gum thrashes his sword at Elia and Noki.

SIR GUM

Are ye the Mages wights? Sent againstme?! Begone!

The LOOT floats in the tide. Sir Gum picks it up, fascinated.

SIR GUM

Powerforbidden power

Elia and Noki are helping Nobwist up.


72/73

72.

NOBWIST

(Nobwist ischoking, his voicehoarse)

What *cough* did I tell ya?! Ahhh realPSSSYCHO!

Sir Gum turns towards them

NOBWIST

(ragged)

GET ME AWAY FROM HIM.

but he pays them no mind, he turns around to face the ocean,Loot in hand.

SIR GUM

Poweryes, power! Ha ha, I have it! IHAVE THE POWER!

Sir Gum revels in his victory while the others creep away.Nobwist is supported by the other two, still gagging andsputtering.

NOKI

I think Im done with DUSC for a while.

Elia looks back. Sir Gum is still celebrating.

ELIA

We should probably call the police.

NOBWIST

I know I called you guys stupidbutElia, do you thinkmaybe?

Elia pushes Nobwist off. Noki is left to carry him byhimself.

ELIA

Shut up. Please shut up. I am so donewith all of this. I actually slept inthe woodsfuck!


73/73

73.

NOKI

Seeing as how were not dwarfs or elvesanymorewhy not learn everyones actualnames?

NOBWIST

Uhwait, so you guys didnt use yourreal names?

They slowly creep away. THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED.

Documents

DUSC - A Larper's Quest