1.

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how they decided whether or not a

patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket

to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger

than the spoon or the teacup.”

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. So do you want a bed by the wall

or near the window?"

2.

The teacher asked: Why are you late for school?Johnny: Because of the Sign.Teacher: What Sign?Johnny: The sign that says "School ahead. Go slow"

3. The turtles

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. So the youngest turtle said he

would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.

A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, let's just

eat the sandwiches."

Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

4. The nature of things…

Life on a bald guy's head…

"They say that if you cross this desert, you'll find another world just like ours!".

5. Jesus and the Robber

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he

rummagged through the desk.

He replied, "Who said that?!"

Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The

parrot replied, "Cornelius."

The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"

The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"