2 Credits

CreditsWritten by: Chuck WendigAdditional Material by: People Who Should Fucking Know BetterWorld of Darkness created by Mark ReinHagen.Developer: Eddy WebEditor: Someone Who Needed a Paycheck, But Still Has Self-RespectArt Director, Book Design, Interior Art, Cover Art: A Bunch

of Drunken Artists Who Knocked This Out Over a Case of Beer

2010 CCP hf. All rights reserved. Reproduction without the written permission of the publisher is expressly forbid-den, except for the purposes of reviews, and for blank character sheets, which may be reproduced for personal use only. White Wolf and the World of Darkness are registered trademarks of CCP hf. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. All characters, names, places and text herein are copyrighted by CCP hf.CCP North America Inc. is a wholly owned subsidiary of CCP hf.This book uses the supernatural for settings, characters and themes. All mystical and supernatural elements are fiction

and intended for entertainment purposes only. This book contains mature content. Reader discretion is advised.Check out White Wolf online at http://www.white-wolf.comPRINTED IN YOUR MIND, YOU FILTHY BASTARD.

For Use with the World of

DarknessRulebook

3

How to Be Fucking Awesome

Chuck Wendig

4 Dudes of Legend

I begged to do this. (Editors Note: He really did. See the attached picture.) I was born to write this preface.

Well, that may not be true. I was probably born for other things, but thanks to adopting the path of a Slack-ing Game Writer, the hopes and dreams of my parents were dashed on the rocks of the River Disappointment.

I may not have been the West Point grad-turned-aerospace engineer and astronaut I set out to be, but I became so much more.

I became a bad-ass hero Gangrel vampire, twin katanas strapped across my black pleather-clad back, twin Colt revolvers (silver bullets loaded, of course) at my hips, striking fear in my enemies and lust in the fishnet-wearing would-be huntress who fell for my brooding charms.

Pardon my departure from my usual writing style, but this must be said. Fuck your pussy, emo, angst-ing, inner-demon wrestling child of the night. Your Roman-era politicians, your secret-society schemers, your social magistrates theyre all a bunch of god-damned asshats!

I remember when vampires were mother-fucking superheroes of the shadows. OK, most of them were of the 90s, kill-everything anti-hero types, carrying more hardware and explosives than the typical Marine Expe-ditionary Force. Body counts were points scored, local governments were the bitches of the HMVIC (the Head Mother-Fucking Vampire In Charge, AKA the Prince, AKA the one who ate your daddy and told you to sit and watch), and breaking the Masquerade only happened if you actually left any witnesses alive.

I wasnt one of those guys. Most of my friends were, but I went that other way. I would be Nick Knight, working the night streets and saving humans from the monsters that hunted them. But Id be far, far badder Neo and Blade double-teamed Buffy, mingled their sperm, and she popped out the bullet-time martial arts killing machine that was my heroic fang boy.

I think he lasted, like, three sessions before the other leeches beat him down like a Manilow fan at a Poison concert. Something about the HMVIC

not enjoying having his top enforcers cut down at a social function celebrating vampire uberness, or something.

So my next masterpiece? Skald-warrior Brujah, bitches! Leather jacket, curb-stomping boots, spiked shoulder pads and bracers, a giant silvered great axe on his back and dual shotguns strapped to his thighs. He spouted poetry as he chopped werewolf heads off, told Toreadors they were pussy-little poseurs while he

PrefacePreface

5

drug their women onto the dance floor, and imagined the HMVIC wet his coffin every night in fear of the day Gunther Thorsbrood would claim his throne.

Seriously, what are you artsy twats doing to this game? What happened to the black, shiny clothes, the incessant machine gun firing, the super-speed battles atop subway trains? Where are the hot chicks, thrust-ing their boobs out along with their lower lips, taunt-ing and teasing you into ultimate sin? The angst was

just supposed to be an excuse for the hot goth fashions; we all reveled in the power and the violence, the sex without consequences, and a life immortal where little humans danced to our tunes.

Put all the other books away, boys and girls. This is all you really need. Discover what it REALLY means to be a right and proper bloodsucker.

Oh, and yeah, dont forget your Super Soaker full of holy water. Man, I LOVED that trick!

Sean Patrick Fannon, author, The Fantasy Role-playing Gamers Bible and Shaintar: Legends Unleashed, gamer with a lot of repressed... something.

6 Dudes of Legend

Dudes of Legend:How to BeFUCKING AWESOME

Dudes of Legend:How to Be

Fucking Awesome

Even though I was theatrically trained, learning to develop a character was an awe-some experience.

- Corin Nemec, AKA

P a r k e r L e w i s from Parker Lewis Cann't Lose

even though i was the-atrically trained, learning to develop a character was an awesome experi-ence.

corin nemec, AkA Parker Lewis fom Parker Lewis can't Lose

No, no, I get it. You think were joking.I hear you: Meh-ha-hee-ha, oh, trenchcoats and strippers, its an

April Fools Day thing from those wacky White Wolf guys again. Theyre probably drunk on mezcal, or high on the dust ground from the bones of a long-lost subterranean humanoid race.

Drunk? Yes. High on the bone dust of a fallen hobbit species? Duh.But were not fucking around. You put that out of your head. You

put it out of your head, or well kick it out. With boots. With fat, clunky steel-toe construction boots.

Yeah, keep on giggling.See, you think whatever you want, but strippers? Awesome. Lesbian

strippers? Double-awesome. Lesbian strippers whipping off their trench-coats only to reveal a katana tucked delicately in a garter or g-string? That is a face full of awesome. Your face will be dripping with awesome. The sauce of awesome will give you a nasal enema.

Oh, dont you turn your nose down at me. Or is it, look down your nose and turn up your nose? It has to be, right? It cant be look up your nose, because thats disgusting. Especially after that whole nasal enema thing. Wait. Where were we? Whats happening? Why am I wearing this rabbit costume with the ass cut out?

All right. Shake it off. Shake it off. Get back in the game. Refocus. Laser precision. Forget about what Mommy said. Forget her. You dont need her anymore.

Ah. Yes. Thats right. Here we go.Dont you condescend to me, man. Youre trapped in your little up-

pity world where vampires are merely conveyances for personal horror, where Frankensteins are just lumbering vehicles for existential dread. Youre locked in a little box of morality and meaning, and somewhere along the way you forgot how to have fun. Thats right. Im talking to you, emo-boy. With your Flock of Seagulls haircut and your poofy shirt. Why so serious? Youve got to get shut of that shit, son. Or lady. Or ladyboy. Or whatever gender conglomeration you happen to be. Were screaming it so the cheap seats can hear. Were delivering a gospelgospel means good news, rememberof raw unbridled bad-ass motherfucking awe-some to your soul.

Were going to teach you how to have fun again.Gone with the gloomy-gus mope-mask, people. Its time to rock out with your cock out.Or, for the ladies, time to jam out with your clam out.Or, for the gender ambiguous, its time to... drop curtain... on your... uhh,

uncertain? Its time to do the serious funk out with your, ummm, mysterious junk out? Hrm. Im just not feeling that one. I tried. I really tried.

Shut up.

7

Dudes of Legend:How to BeFUCKING AWESOME

Features-How This Shit Works

Seriously, Were Serious. Or Half-Serious. Or Something.

Were well aware that this product is ridiculous. The idea is itself a kind of joke, yes, but believe mewere actually trying to give you some material you can use. Kind of. Sure, its fairly rules-light, but you might actually want to plug-and-play this stuff into one of your World of Darkness games. Why? Why in Gods Unpronounceable Nomenclature would you dare to invoke such madness in your story? Isnt this stuff just for a laugh?

Two reasons you might want to use this product in a serious way.

One: Parody can work at the game table. Listen, half the time a game session with friends devolves into a whirlwind of jokes and side-stories. With the hor-ror bent of the World of Darkness, thats not exactly usefulso, you can use these rules to take some time off from the uber-seriousness of your current game and play a session using these system hacks. Itll maybe help get the shits-and-giggles out. Parody and satire have a place at the game table in limited quantityor, if everybody loves it, in unlimited quantity. Fun is fun, and if this gives you that, run with it.

Two: One or two of these rules might actually be useful. Sure, each character hack is loaded with satirical pretense, but the rules themselves might be something you can grab and use. Looking forward to the upcoming release, World of Darkness: Mirrors, this isnt entirely inappropriate. That book is all about dissecting both system and setting to build the type of game you want to play. This is that, just in a more... over-the-top man-ner. And maybe over-the-top is what you want. You want to ape crazy ideas and monstrous stereotypes for a truly batshit game experience? Theres nothing wrong with that. The rules here may help you to achieve that over-the-top experience at your game table.

All that being said? Yes, were being offensive. Yes, were being ludicrous. No, were not seriously trying to insult you or waste your time. Make you laugh, yes. Offer you a gonzo World of Darkness game, sure. Beg you to write us letters about how offended you are? Mmm. No.

namby-pamby experience point costs, because expe-rience points require counting and math and other Im-too-tired-and-drunk-on-the-misery-of-others-and-also-Southern-Comfort-to-care issues. Plus, with experience points, you have to have a pencil with an eraser, and I dont have one of those. Really, erasers are kind of bullshit anyway. They always tear a hole in the paper, and then you look like some kind of hobo at the game table. Nobody wants to look like a hobo. I mean, maybe you want to look like a hobo, but thats just weird. Dont even get me started on pens with erasers. Does that shit ever work? I dont think so. I think theyre just designed to torment me. So, no experience point costs, and no pencils with erasers. Or pens with erasers. Youre just going to have to suck it up, Sweet Molly.

Anyway. You have a couple-few ways of instituting these particular feature hacks:

The Storyteller allows each player to select a predetermined number of hacks for those players characters. We suggest between one and three. But really, we just suggest three. Why? Ill tell you why. Because you get to mix-and-match. Its like a recipe. A recipe for total mega-crazy marvelousness, like a goddamn pterodactyl riding a jet ski. Actually, since were all post-modern and whatever, I guess the word is mashup. You can mashup a handful of character hacks for your character, combining them in some kind of madhouse alchemy: I will play a homoerotic glitter werewolf who happens to have robot parts. Done and done. That story writes itself. Or plays itself. Or plays with itself. One of those.

The Storyteller says the same thing as above, except this time, he snatches choice from the play-ers like a coked-up seagull. What he does instead is write a bunch of the character hacks on little slips of paper, stick them in a cup (not an athletic protector cup, but the kind you drink out ofunless you drink out of athletic protectors, then thats your business, buddy) and let everybody pick one to three for their characters. That way, its totally randomized. And secret awesomeness will occur secretly.

The Storyteller institutes a series of character hacks not just for the player characters, but for all characters of a given monster-type. All Frankensteins are hom oerotic, he might state. He might further add stipulations connected to other monster types, too: Werewolves are fishmalks, even though that only makes a little bit of sense, and every mage can dodge bullets. And finally, the Storyteller might add, Whoever keeps replacing my 10-sided dice with rab-bit turds will find their character murdered and buried in a flower bed. Im serious about this. You guys dont respect me.

The Storyteller institutes a series of character hacks for every character in the game, including all Storyteller characters. This is funny, but stupid as shit. Sure, its not a bad idea that Herr Doktor Dracula the

Features: How This Shit Works

Okay, heres how this nonsense works. These are full-on character-based system hacks. They dont have dots. Theyre not Merits. They dont require

8 Dudes of Legend

Prince of Schenectady is a katana-wielding Priapic bad-ass, but does that really need to be true of Vasily, the heavily chest-haired cab driver, or Jenny, the girl who fills your prescriptions at the pharmacy counter? Sure, there exists a delightful image when everybodys running around with samurai swords and throbbing erections, but remember: when everybody is special, nobody is special.

Hey, Here's the Actual HacksBare Thy Chest to Conquer All

A bared chest equals awesome power. Its like that werewolf dude from that movie, played by... Tyler Labine or Turbine Loudermilk or whatever his name is (what am I, a 12-year-old girl?).

A bared chest offers the character two benefits: first, the character gains +1 Armor, and second, the character gains +3 to all Persuasion rolls. Not just for acts of seduction, either. If the character wants to buy a used car or convince the old lady next door to sweep his walkway, a bared chest goes a long way.

And yes, this works for ladies as it does lads. A pair of swinging mammaries will aid in Persuasion, and further can equally work to take the impact of bullets or camping hatchets. I read that in Popular Science.

The Beast-Rider ComethYou know what the World of Darkness needs?

More creatures you can ride. Hey, the kids get all excited about that in that game where you play orcs and elves of the night and whateverOh, Ive got my new mount, which frankly sounds like youre hoping to mate with a pegasus or something. And frankly, who wouldnt? If I were toright nowmate with a pegasus, the resultant child would be half-human, half-horse, and have wings. That to me smells like flying centaur baby. And that, my friends, is the smell of money. Carnies around the world would be shitting their diapers trying to get a hold of my little flying centaur baby. That little freakshow would be a bottomless bucket of cash. Plus, circus folk also cook meth. Its true. I read it on Wikipedia. Who doesnt love meth?

Since it seems like I wont be breeding with a pegasus anytime soon, the next best thing is to have a creature you can ride through the World of Darkness.

To make this work, you need information that marries the animal rules (p. 202, World of Darkness Rulebook) with the vehicle rules (p. 141, World of Darkness Rulebook). I know, youre saying that some-where, someone came up with rules for how to ride a horse. I dont give a shit. Did anybody come up with

rules on how to ride a grizzly bear? No. No, they did not. Thats what you get in this product. Were taking it to a whole other level, and as such, you need Very Special Rules. So shut up about it already.

The skill test to ride a beast is Dexterity + Animal Ken + the Handling rating of the critter in question.

The animal doesnt have Durability, because thats just dumb. The beast does have an Armor rating, however. Same basic idea applies. No Structure, but Health instead. Duh.

We have three beasties for you today, but youre welcome to come up with more. You do what you want. Its your life. (Unless I steal it to fuel my undead power web. Dont make me.)

Grizzly BearAttributes: Intelligence 2, Wits 2, Resolve 5,

Strength 5, Dexterity 2, Stamina 5, Presence 3, Ma-nipulation 1, Composure 3

Skills: Athletics 2, Brawl (Maul) 3, Survival 3Willpower: 8Initiative: 5Defense: 2Size: 7Health: 12Armor: 2Acceleration: 5Safe Speed: 25 (about 17 MPH)Maximum Speed: 50 (about 35 MPH)Handling: 1Attacks: Claws, 3(L); Chompy Bite, 2(L)

PterodactylAttributes: Intelligence 1, Wits 4, Resolve 2,

Strength 3, Dexterity 5, Stamina 3, Presence 2, Ma-nipulation 1, Composure 2

Skills: Athletics (Flight) 3, Brawl 2, Stealth 1, Survival 2

Willpower: 4Initiative: 7Defense: 4Size: 6Health: 9Armor: 3Acceleration: 15Safe Speed: 44 (30 MPH)Maximum Speed: 75 (50 MPH)Handling: 2Attacks: Claws, 1(L); Shriek Attack, 2(L)

UnicornAttributes: Intelligence 5, Wits 5, Resolve 3,

Strength 3, Dexterity 5, Stamina 3, Presence 5, Ma-nipulation 5, Composure 5

Skills: Athletics (Gallop) 3, Brawl (Hornstab) 5, Empathy (Marriage counseling) 5, Medicine (Unicorn spit) 2, Persuasion (Seduction) 4, Socialize (Party games) 3, Streetwise (Gang signs) 2

Lesbian strippers whipping off their trenchcoats only to reveal a katana tucked delicately in a garter or g-string?

Strippers?

Awesome.Lesbian strippers?

Double awesome.

That is a face full of awesome.

0-6666-696-0 WWoRLY? $0.69US

This book includes: New rules for your World of Darkness game. More awesome than you can pos-sibly handle. Also, its pretty dirty.

For use with the World of Darkness Rulebook

How to BeFucking

AwesomeYour face will be

drippingwith awesome.

The sauce of awesome will give you a nasal enema.

Dudes of LegendPrefaceHow to Be Fucking AwesomeFeatures: How This Shit WorksHey, Here's the Actual HacksBare Thy Chest to Conquer All The Beast-Rider ComethBullets Aint Got Nothing On YouFearful PriapismFuck FallingGlitter Is for Vampires and StrippersHerr Doktor Mister Tight PantsHomoeroticism Equals Secret PowerJohn Woo Two-Gun MojoMad Ninja SkillzMurder Systems The Myth of the Magic Katana Is No Myth At AllOn Vile-Bodied Feculence and Moral DegenerationThe Really Good Monster and the Teachable MomentRobot PartsSacred VaginaStrippers Make the Bestest Characters EverThe Trenchcoat of Hotness and HoldingThe Truth About Desert Eagles The Wacky Fishmalk Is King Were Gonna Mary Sue This Motherfucker You Are a Deadly Schoolgirl You Might As Well Jump

Mash It Up For Maximum SupremacyGregor The Bear PiznewskiYuki and Her Unicorn (Timothy Sprinkles McVengeance)