I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter, Emily, it was
quite a while before I dare dream about what it would be like to be
a mother. Emily was conceived after IVF treatmentand I think that
spooked me as far as dreaming for the future. Once she was born, I
would spend hours just gazing at her beautiful face, imagining the
adventures we would have together and the relationship we would
form. I think many mothers dream of giving to their children, what
they never had and I was no different. I remember wanting to have a
beautiful, strong, happy relationship with her. I had had a
troubled and complex relationship with my own mother and I so
wanted it to be different with my daughter.The first year of Emilys
life was perfect, but then . WHAM!!!! AUTISM hit. It wasnt so much
overnight that my dreams were dashed. It was more like Emily had a
dimmer switch on her and every day some unknown hand turned it
down, just a little, until she was gone. My dreams were destroyed
AUTISM DESTROYED THEM. I grieved for the loss of the life I had
dreamed about with Emily. I grieved for the family life we were now
not going to have. I cried, I screamed, I said its not fair why
me?. Then one night, it hit me!! This wasnt about me! Why should my
18 month old daughter, be responsible for fulfilling dreams I had
created?So, I created new dreams and accepted new realities and Ive
never looked back.When you are expecting a child,there are lots of
images, dreams, aspirations and expectations placed on the event
and projections into the future. You imagine how your child will
grow up and what they might be like as an adult. You imagine their
first words, their first day at school, the day they leave home and
their wedding day. What you do not imagine is that the reality may
be that they never talk, never go to a typical school, never leave
home and never marry.What you never dream about while imagining
your future family, is that your child will be born with a life
changing disability. When your child is diagnosed with autism, your
cherished dreams are dashed autism dashes them.You now have a
choice. Do you spend your life grieving over the loss of a dream
and feel devastated, angry and hurt, or do you let that dream go
and create a new one?The fabulous thing about creating your new
dreams for your child, your family and yourself, is that now you
are in a place of knowledge. You know that your life is going to be
different,so now you can create a wonderful, enriched, environment
for a new kind of family.Man cannot discover new oceans, until he
has courage to lose sight of the shore,AnonSo close your eyes and
create your new dream!
