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    9.00am 1.00pm

    Friday 6 April 2001

    Law Society House

    H A L F D A Y W O R K S H O P

    Drafting Skills

    Workshop

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    H A L F D A Y W O R K S H O P

    Workshop

    Exercises

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    Drafting Skills Workshop

    Paragraphing

    Exercise 1

    Re-draft the following passage into paragraphs and subparagraphs

    Sick leave shall be granted in days, half-days, and hours having regard to the length of

    service of the employee and his grading, pursuant to the terms of the Sixth and

    Seventh Schedules hereto, but nevertheless he shall give his head of section warning

    of the need for treatment etc except in any emergency so that the head can make

    alternative arrangements for the work to be done, provided nevertheless that it is not

    applicable where there is no section head when they are incapacitated for the

    performance of their duties by sickness, injury, or pregnancy or confinement, or for

    medical, dental or optical examination or treatment

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    Exercise 2

    Re-draft the following passage into clauses and subclauses

    A director may enter into or have an interest in a contractor arrangement with

    the company if the director declares to the board the nature of his or her

    interest in the contract or arrangement (if the interest exists) at the meeting at which

    the board first considers the contract or arrangement or in any other case at the first

    board meeting after the directors acquisition of the interest and a director who has

    declared an interest in a matter at aboard meeting must not vote on that matter but he

    or she may be counted as part of the quorum for the meeting and witness the fixing of

    the company seal to any resulting document and in this Article, contract or

    arrangement includes an office or place of profit under the company.

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    Letter Writing

    Exercise 1

    How much thought and time was given to this letter?

    Further I confirm that you will be provided a list of all assets that you both

    own jointly and their value and those which your husband now has in his

    possession and those which you have in yours together with a note of your

    personal property and the childrens property which your husband currently

    has in his possession and that you wish returned.

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    Exercise 2

    There has been some suggestion by your client that Item 8 of the sale

    agreement dealing with royalty payments needs to be amended to provide that

    the royalty is calculated on the gross sale price of units and products as well

    as rental payments. (45 word sentence)

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    Exercise 3

    Which passage do you prefer, and why ?

    (1) The conclusion which has been reached by my client is that if there is a

    continuation of your insistence on this position, the termination of the

    contract will be taken into serious consideration by her.

    (2) My client has concluded that if you can continue to insist on this

    position, she will seriously consider terminating the contract.

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    Plain English Drafting

    Drafting Skills Workshop

    6 April 2001

    Part II Paragraphing

    Exercise 1

    Re-draft the following passage into paragraphs and subparagraphs

    Sick leave shall be granted in days, half-days, and hours having regard to the

    length of service of the employee and his grading, pursuant to the terms of the

    Sixth and Seventh Schedules hereto, but nevertheless he shall give his head of

    section warning of the need for treatment etc except in any emergency so that

    the head can make alternative arrangements for the work to be done, provided

    nevertheless that it is not applicable where there is no section head when theyare incapacitated for the performance of their duties by sickness, injury, or

    pregnancy or confinement, or for medical, dental or optical examination or

    treatment

    Exercise 2

    Re-draft the following passage into clauses and subclauses

    A director may enter into or have an interest in a contractor arrangement with

    the company if the director declares to the board the nature of his or her

    interest in the contract or arrangement (if the interest exists) at the meeting at

    which the board first considers the contract or arrangement or in any other

    case at the first board meeting after the directors acquisition of the interest

    and a director who has declared an interest in a matter at aboard meeting must

    not vote on that matter but he or she may be counted as part of the quorum for

    the meeting and witness the fixing of the company seal to any resulting

    document and in this Article, contract or arrangement includes an office or

    place of profit under the company.

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    H A L F D A Y W O R K S H O P

    Workshop

    Notes

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    Plain English DraftingPlain English Drafting

    Ros MacdonaldRos Macdonald

    Format of sessionFormat of session

    General PrinciplesGeneral Principles

    Why do we need plain English?Why do we need plain English?

    Planning your documentPlanning your document

    Plain English words, phrases and other thingsPlain English words, phrases and other things

    Non-discriminatory languageNon-discriminatory language

    Grammar and punctuationGrammar and punctuation

    Exercises to doExercises to do

    ParagraphingParagraphing

    RulesRules

    ExercisesExercises

    Part 1Part 1

    General PrinciplesGeneral Principles

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    What is Plain English Drafting?What is Plain English Drafting?

    It is clear, accurate and effective legal writingIt is clear, accurate and effective legal writing

    Simplistic English?Simplistic English?

    clarity not simplicity is the goalclarity not simplicity is the goal

    coherence, comprehensiveness, consistency,coherence, comprehensiveness, consistency,

    clarity and care (5 Cs)clarity and care (5 Cs)

    It is considerate of users needsIt is considerate of users needs

    It does not use archaic words, jargon, unnecessaryIt does not use archaic words, jargon, unnecessary

    technical expressions or complex languagetechnical expressions or complex language

    SeeSeeHalwoodHalwoodCorporation Ltd v RoadsCorporation Ltd v Roads

    CorporationCorporation (unrep CA Vic 30.6.97)(unrep CA Vic 30.6.97)

    Reasons for using plain EnglishReasons for using plain English

    To improve understandingTo improve understanding

    To improve access to the lawTo improve access to the law

    To save time and moneyTo save time and money

    To assist in micro-economic reformTo assist in micro-economic reform

    To win new businessTo win new business

    To stand out from the crowdTo stand out from the crowd

    Why must we use it?Why must we use it?

    Demands have increasingly been made forDemands have increasingly been made for

    its use fromits use from

    consumersconsumers

    legislatorslegislators

    courtscourts

    governmentgovernment

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    Demand fromDemand from

    consumersconsumers more articulate clientsmore articulate clients

    expectation that they will understandexpectation that they will understand

    documentsdocuments

    wary of complex documents and their drafterswary of complex documents and their drafters

    `voting with their feet`voting with their feet

    Demand fromDemand from

    legislatorslegislators

    Acts and Codes require documents to be draftedActs and Codes require documents to be drafted

    in plain Englishin plain English

    Trade Practices ActTrade Practices Act1974 s 51AB(2)1974 s 51AB(2)

    Industrial Relations Reform Act 1996Industrial Relations Reform Act 1996s 150A(2)s 150A(2)

    Residential Tenancies ActResidential Tenancies Act1994 (Qld) s 39(5)1994 (Qld) s 39(5)

    Australian Bankers Association Banking Code ofAustralian Bankers Association Banking Code of

    Practice (1993) cl 2Practice (1993) cl 2

    Insurance Council of Australia General InsuranceInsurance Council of Australia General Insurance

    Code of Practice (1994)Code of Practice (1994)

    Demand fromDemand from

    courtscourts

    criticism of bad draftingcriticism of bad drafting

    National Bank of Australasia v MasonNational Bank of Australasia v Mason (1975)(1975)

    133 CLR 191 at 203133 CLR 191 at 203

    Houlahan v ANZ Banking GroupHoulahan v ANZ Banking Group (1993) 110(1993) 110

    FLR 259 at 259FLR 259 at 259

    Trafalgar House Construction v General SuretyTrafalgar House Construction v General Surety

    and Guarantee Codeand Guarantee Code [1996] 1 AC 199[1996] 1 AC 199

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    Demand fromDemand from

    governmentsgovernmentsnew legislation is drafted in plain Englishnew legislation is drafted in plain English

    legislation is drafted in plain English whenlegislation is drafted in plain English when

    reprinted (reprinted (Reprints ActReprints Act1992 (Qld))1992 (Qld))

    government forms are being drafted in plaingovernment forms are being drafted in plain

    EnglishEnglish

    departments have adopted plain Englishdepartments have adopted plain English

    document policiesdocument policies

    If lawyers wrote proverbsIf lawyers wrote proverbs

    That which appeals to a flesh eater may seem toxicThat which appeals to a flesh eater may seem toxicto anotherto another

    The pilferer may best be apprehended by anotherThe pilferer may best be apprehended by anotherof the same persuasionof the same persuasion

    The completion of incubation should take placeThe completion of incubation should take place

    prior to the census enumeration of ones fowlprior to the census enumeration of ones fowl An aged canine cannot be educated to innovativeAn aged canine cannot be educated to innovative

    attainmentattainment

    It is unwise to allow the concentration in one placeIt is unwise to allow the concentration in one placeof resources obtained from poultry industryof resources obtained from poultry industry

    productionproduction

    Planning your documentPlanning your document

    The pre-writing stageThe pre-writing stage

    Scope and purposeScope and purpose

    Target audienceTarget audience

    ConsequencesConsequences

    The Writing stageThe Writing stage

    StructureStructure

    ContentContent

    LanguageLanguage

    ReflectionReflection

    RewritingRewriting

    The post-writing stageThe post-writing stage

    Questions to askQuestions to ask

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    Words -Words -

    LegalLegal plain English(1)plain English(1)

    allege - claimallege - claim

    annex - attachannex - attach ascertainascertain

    averaver

    construeconstrue

    deliverdeliver

    demisedemise

    expireexpire

    disclosedisclose

    determinedetermine

    samesame

    LegalLegal plain English (2)plain English (2)

    forthwithforthwith

    furnishfurnish

    pecuniarypecuniary

    procureprocure

    rescindrescind

    residereside

    submit -submit -

    transpiretranspire

    attestattest

    affixaffix

    Compound expressionsCompound expressions simplesimple

    expressions (1)expressions (1)

    by means of - by, usingby means of - by, using

    by virtue of - becauseby virtue of - because

    as a consequence of -as a consequence of -

    for the reason that -for the reason that -

    for the purpose offor the purpose of

    inasmuch as -inasmuch as -

    in connection with -in connection with -

    in favour of -in favour of -

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    Compound expressionsCompound expressions simplesimple

    expressions (2)expressions (2)

    in order to -in order to -

    in relation to -in relation to -

    in the event that -in the event that -

    in the nature of -in the nature of -

    due to the fact that -due to the fact that -

    notwithstanding the fact that -notwithstanding the fact that -

    prior to -prior to -

    subsequent to -subsequent to -

    with a view to -with a view to -

    Twice as many wordsTwice as many words

    alter or change - alter (or change)alter or change - alter (or change)

    cease and desist -cease and desist -

    for and during the period -for and during the period -

    full and complete -full and complete -

    save and except -save and except -

    unless and until -unless and until -

    true and correct -true and correct -

    Passive voicePassive voice active voiceactive voice

    Oxford was defeated by Cambridge OxfordOxford was defeated by Cambridge Oxforddefeated Cambridgedefeated Cambridge

    Our interpretation is supported by the legislativeOur interpretation is supported by the legislativehistory -history -

    The trust was intended by the settlor to -The trust was intended by the settlor to -

    New evidence was produced by the police New evidence was produced by the police

    Note also the impersonal passive Note also the impersonal passive

    It is thoughtIt is thought

    It is feltIt is felt

    It is regretted It is regretted

    It is thought that you will now have received the formIt is thought that you will now have received the formof agreementof agreement

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    Use the present tenseUse the present tense

    In legislation, the rule is that the law isIn legislation, the rule is that the law isconstantly speakingconstantly speaking

    In private legal documents the same ruleIn private legal documents the same ruleapplies, [seeapplies, [see PiessePiesse at 64-67,at 64-67, AspreyAsprey atat124-125] so use the present tense 124-125] so use the present tense

    This agreement shall be governed by the lawsThis agreement shall be governed by the laws

    (passive voice and future tense) becomes (passive voice and future tense) becomes

    Queensland law governs this agreementQueensland law governs this agreement

    Do not use archaic wordsDo not use archaic words

    heretofore, hereinafter, hereby, herewithheretofore, hereinafter, hereby, herewith

    thereof, thereinbefore, thenceforththereof, thereinbefore, thenceforth

    said, aforesaid, abovementionedsaid, aforesaid, abovementioned

    herein, hereon, hereto, hereof , hereunderherein, hereon, hereto, hereof , hereunder

    whatsoever, howsoever, wheresoeverwhatsoever, howsoever, wheresoever

    notwithstanding, whereas, whereuponnotwithstanding, whereas, whereupon

    The use of shall - sheThe use of shall - she shallshall

    attendattend

    obligation - use must [ cf Tadgell J inobligation - use must [ cf Tadgell J in

    Hallwood Corp v Roads Corp (Hallwood Corp v Roads Corp (unrep VCAunrep VCA

    30.6.97) grotesque use of must]30.6.97) grotesque use of must]

    permission or discretion - use may - dopermission or discretion - use may - do

    not use cannot use can

    in the future - use willin the future - use will

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    Latin WordsLatin Words

    de facto - existing but not officialde facto - existing but not officialbona fide - in good faithbona fide - in good faith

    inter alia - among other thingsinter alia - among other things

    pari passu - equally, without preferencepari passu - equally, without preference

    per se - by itselfper se - by itself

    per annum - each yearper annum - each year

    prima facie - on its faceprima facie - on its face

    pro rata - proportionalpro rata - proportional

    Non-discriminatory languageNon-discriminatory language

    Do not use gender specific language whereDo not use gender specific language wheregender is uncleargender is unclear

    If you use he, his, or him where theIf you use he, his, or him where thecorrect gender isnt clear, you misrepresentcorrect gender isnt clear, you misrepresenta group as being exclusively male.a group as being exclusively male.

    Dont assume all people in influentialDont assume all people in influential

    positions are necessarily male. Dont use positions are necessarily male. Dont usemale pronouns when it is possible to usemale pronouns when it is possible to usemore inclusive pronouns.more inclusive pronouns.

    Techniques for avoiding gender-Techniques for avoiding gender-

    specific language (1)specific language (1)

    Use gender-specific pronouns only to identify aUse gender-specific pronouns only to identify aspecific person or gender.specific person or gender.

    If the document refers to an office, rather than theIf the document refers to an office, rather than theincumbent of the office, use gender neutralincumbent of the office, use gender neutralreferences.references.

    If it does not change the meaning of the sentence, useIf it does not change the meaning of the sentence, use plural nouns and pronouns to remove gender plural nouns and pronouns to remove genderdistinctions.distinctions.

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    Techniques for avoiding gender-Techniques for avoiding gender-

    specific language (2)specific language (2)

    Write the sentence without pronouns. Try to avoidWrite the sentence without pronouns. Try to avoid

    conditional structures, generally introduced by if orconditional structures, generally introduced by if orwhen. These often require the use of pronouns.when. These often require the use of pronouns.

    Use a more descriptive or inclusive compound word,Use a more descriptive or inclusive compound word,such as people or worker.such as people or worker.

    Write from a first-person (I) or second-personWrite from a first-person (I) or second-personperspective (you). Only the third-person singular isperspective (you). Only the third-person singular isgender-specific.gender-specific.

    Grammar, punctuation andGrammar, punctuation and

    spelling exercises (1)spelling exercises (1)

    There are to many people trying to use theThere are to many people trying to use the

    systemsystem

    John said that the report was not their on hisJohn said that the report was not their on his

    deskdesk

    Whose sorry now?Whose sorry now?

    Lawyers areLawyers are percievedpercieved to be a devious lotto be a devious lot

    He specialised in womens studiesHe specialised in womens studies

    The Macdonalds are off on there holidaysThe Macdonalds are off on there holidays

    Jane should of paid the fine on timeJane should of paid the fine on time

    Grammar, punctuation andGrammar, punctuation and

    spelling exercises (2)spelling exercises (2) Like most public phones, its out of orderLike most public phones, its out of order

    I realised that I have forgotten to put theI realised that I have forgotten to put thebins outbins out

    ImIm not surenot sure wetherwethertheirs enough petrol intheirs enough petrol inthe carthe car

    Its time to give it its bathIts time to give it its bath

    II recievedrecieved this package in the mailthis package in the mail

    The company must file its returnThe company must file its return

    The first copy was different than theThe first copy was different than thesecondsecond

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    AnswerAnswer

    A member, on leaving the Association,A member, on leaving the Association,must pay back to the Association anymust pay back to the Association any

    money the member owes to it.money the member owes to it.

    OROR

    All former members must pay back anyAll former members must pay back any

    money they owe to the Associationmoney they owe to the Association

    OROR

    A former member must pay money he orA former member must pay money he or

    she owes the Association back to it.she owes the Association back to it.

    Part IIPart II

    ParagraphingParagraphing

    Coodes rule for legal draftingCoodes rule for legal drafting

    A legal sentence consists of three (usually four)A legal sentence consists of three (usually four)partsparts

    The case the circumstances in which or theThe case the circumstances in which or theoccasion on which, the sentence operates (where,occasion on which, the sentence operates (where,when)when)

    The legal subject the performerThe legal subject the performer

    The legal action what is done by the legal subjectThe legal action what is done by the legal subject

    (usually) the condition what has to be complied(usually) the condition what has to be compliedwith (if)with (if)

    Coode on Legislative Expression; or The Language of theCoode on Legislative Expression; or The Language of theWritten LawWritten Law 22ndnd ed 1843ed 1843

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    Rules of paragraphing No 1Rules of paragraphing No 1

    Paragraphing is only be used when aParagraphing is only be used when a

    sentence can be divided into two orsentence can be divided into two or

    moremore

    parts;parts;

    Rules of paragraphing No 2Rules of paragraphing No 2

    Words to be included in paragraphs must beWords to be included in paragraphs must be

    introduced by and be grammaticallyintroduced by and be grammatically

    connected with words called introductoryconnected with words called introductory

    words- these introductory words must bewords- these introductory words must be

    ableable

    to be read separately with the words of eachto be read separately with the words of each

    paragraph;paragraph;

    Rules of paragraphing No 3Rules of paragraphing No 3

    Words after the paragraphs (resumingWords after the paragraphs (resuming

    words)words)

    must be capable of being read with eachmust be capable of being read with each

    preceding paragraph separately and with thepreceding paragraph separately and with the

    introductory words;introductory words;

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    Rules of paragraphing No 4Rules of paragraphing No 4

    Where there are paragraphs continuing afterWhere there are paragraphs continuing afterresuming words, those paragraphs must beresuming words, those paragraphs must be

    able to be read with the resuming wordsable to be read with the resuming words

    ANDAND

    the paragraph notation continues after thethe paragraph notation continues after the

    resuming words, it does not recommence.resuming words, it does not recommence.

    Rules of paragraphing No 5Rules of paragraphing No 5

    In a clause or a section, paragraphs areIn a clause or a section, paragraphs are

    indented and distinguished by lower caseindented and distinguished by lower case

    letters of the alphabet ((a), (b)),letters of the alphabet ((a), (b)),

    subparagraphssubparagraphs

    by Roman numerals ((iv), (v)), and sub-by Roman numerals ((iv), (v)), and sub-subparagraphs by upper case letters of thesubparagraphs by upper case letters of the

    alphabet ((A),(B)), all enclosed by brackets.alphabet ((A),(B)), all enclosed by brackets.

    Paragraphing should NEVER be taken belowParagraphing should NEVER be taken below

    the level of sub-subparagraphingthe level of sub-subparagraphing

    Rules of paragraphing No 6Rules of paragraphing No 6

    If the provisions in a set of paragraphs orIf the provisions in a set of paragraphs or

    subparagraphs are to be cumulative in effect,subparagraphs are to be cumulative in effect,

    and should be inserted between eachand should be inserted between each

    paragraph or subparagraph; if they are to beparagraph or subparagraph; if they are to be

    alternative, or should be inserted betweenalternative, or should be inserted between

    each provision;each provision;

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    Rules of paragraphing No 7Rules of paragraphing No 7

    The first word of a paragraph orThe first word of a paragraph orsubparagraphsubparagraph

    commences with an upper case letter only ifcommences with an upper case letter only if

    itit

    is a proper noun;is a proper noun;

    Rules of paragraphing No 8Rules of paragraphing No 8

    Paragraphing is punctuated; introductoryParagraphing is punctuated; introductory

    words conclude with a dash (-), paragraphs,words conclude with a dash (-), paragraphs,

    subparagraphs and sub-subparagraphssubparagraphs and sub-subparagraphs

    conclude with a semi-colon before and orconclude with a semi-colon before and or

    or (; and, ; or) and a paragraph endsor (; and, ; or) and a paragraph ends

    withwith

    a full stop unless there are resuming words,a full stop unless there are resuming words,

    inin

    which case it ends with a comma.

    ExerciseExerciseSick leave shall be granted in days, half-days, andSick leave shall be granted in days, half-days, and

    hours having regard to the length of service of thehours having regard to the length of service of the

    employee and his grading, pursuant to the terms ofemployee and his grading, pursuant to the terms of

    the Sixth and Seventh Schedules hereto, butthe Sixth and Seventh Schedules hereto, but

    nevertheless he shall give his head of sectionnevertheless he shall give his head of section

    warning of the need for treatment etc except inwarning of the need for treatment etc except in

    any emergency so that the head can makeany emergency so that the head can make

    alternative arrangements for the work to be done,alternative arrangements for the work to be done,

    provided nevertheless that it i s not applicableprovided nevertheless that it is not applicable

    where there is no section head when they arewhere there is no section head when they are

    incapacitated for the performance of their dutiesincapacitated for the performance of their duties

    by sickness, injury, or pregnancy or confinement,by sickness, injury, or pregnancy or confinement,

    or for medical, dental or optical examination oror for medical, dental or optical examination ortreatmenttreatment

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    Drafting in clauses Rules1-4Drafting in clauses Rules1-4

    A clause is a single grammatical sentence;A clause is a single grammatical sentence;

    Each subclause is also a single separateEach subclause is also a single separate

    sentence;sentence;

    A clause should deal with only oneA clause should deal with only one

    obligation or right;obligation or right;

    Subclauses should be used rather thanSubclauses should be used rather than

    separate clauses when they deal withseparate clauses when they deal with

    different aspects of the same right ordifferent aspects of the same right or

    obligation, or very closely related rights orobligation, or very closely related rights or

    obligations;obligations;

    Drafting in clauses Rules 5-7Drafting in clauses Rules 5-7

    No introductory or resuming words areNo introductory or resuming words are

    used.used.

    A heading and a number should be givenA heading and a number should be given

    to the main clause;to the main clause;

    A decimal system of numbering is used [1],A decimal system of numbering is used [1],

    [1.1] etc;[1.1] etc;

    ExerciseExerciseA director may enter into or have an interest in a contractA director may enter into or have an interest in a contract

    or arrangement with the company if the director declaresor arrangement with the company if the director declares

    to the board the nature of his or her interest in theto the board the nature of his or her interest in the

    contract or arrangement (if the interest exists) at thecontract or arrangement (if the interest exists) at the

    meeting at which the board first considers the contract ormeeting at which the board first considers the contract or

    arrangement or in any other case at the first boardarrangement or in any other case at the first board

    meeting after the directors acquisition of the interest andmeeting after the directors acquisition of the interest and

    a director who has declared an interest in a matter at aa director who has declared an interest in a matter at a

    board meeting must not vote on that matter but he or sheboard meeting must not vote on that matter but he or she

    may be counted as part of the quorum for the meeting andmay be counted as part of the quorum for the meeting and

    witness the fixing of the company seal to any resultingwitness the fixing of the company seal to any resulting

    document and in this Article, contract or arrangementdocument and in this Article, contract or arrangement

    includes an office or place of profit under the companyincludes an office or place of profit under the company

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    ReferencesReferences

    AitkenAitken, JK,, JK,PiessesPiesses The Elements of Drafting,The Elements of Drafting, 99thth

    ed, Law Book Co, Sydney, 1995ed, Law Book Co, Sydney, 1995

    AspreyAsprey MMPlain Language for LawyersPlain Language for Lawyers 22ndnd ed,ed,Federation Press, Sydney, 1996Federation Press, Sydney, 1996

    Macdonald, R and McGill, DMacdonald, R and McGill, DDrafting,Drafting,ButterworthsButterworths, Sydney, 1997, Sydney, 1997

    Clark-Dickson, D and Macdonald, RClark-Dickson, D and Macdonald, RClear andClear andPrecise: WritingPrecise: WritingSkllsSkllsfor Todays Lawyer,for Todays Lawyer, QLSQLSCLE, Brisbane, 2000CLE, Brisbane, 2000

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    1

    Letter Writing

    Part A Letter writing - an approach

    Part B Letter writing - language

    Part A

    Letter writing - an approach

    1. Style

    2. Plan - content

    3. Design - document

    1. Style

    The thorniest of subjects

    Personal style

    Functional style

    - legal, business, marketing ..

    How describe style for letters by lawyers?

    Your style in letter writing is to be judged not by

    your literary conventions or grammatical niceties but

    by whether it carries out effectively the job you are

    paid to do.

    -E. Gowers

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    2

    Style (2)

    Style depends on function and purpose

    Common letters to:

    clients - advice, information

    lawyers and third parties - clients instructions,

    demand, explanation

    functional letter - enclosures etc

    Style (3)

    Style to be good must be clear, as is proved by the

    fact that speech which fails to convey a plain

    meaning will fail to do what speech has to do

    Clearness is secured by using the words that are

    current and ordinary.

    - Aristotle, Rhetorica Clarity - use the most appropriate word

    Overriding concern - precision and consistency

    2. Plan - content

    Plan - thinking out the contents of the letter

    Two basic questions

    - to whom do I write? (archaic!)

    - for what purpose do I write?

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    3

    Plan (2)

    Planning = thinking = time

    I have made this letter longer than usual, only

    because I have not had the time to make it shorter.

    - Pascal (1657)

    Plan (3)

    Letter of advice to client:

    identify the problem/issue

    find and explain the law

    draw conclusion

    advise on action client should take

    Plan (4)

    Exercise 1How much thought and time was given to this letter?

    Further I confirm that you will be provided a list of all

    assets that you both own jointly and their value and those

    which your husband now has in his possession and those

    which you have in yours together with a note of your

    personal property and the childrens property which your

    husband currently has in his possession and that you wish

    returned.

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    4

    Plan (5)

    Exercise 1 - Rewritten

    I will send a list of assets with the following details:

    assets and their values owned jointly by you and your

    husband;

    assets currently in your possession;

    assets currently in your husbands possession

    assets which you wish returned to you and the

    children.

    Plan (6)

    we are all different - the visual, the kinetic etc

    the dictaphone

    3. Design - document

    structure - main ideas, points = paragraphs

    a simple letter

    - paragraph 1 (after opening sentence) -

    key idea

    - subsequent paragraphs - expanding,

    qualifying key idea

    more complex letter

    - multiple issues - headings can assist and

    clarify

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    5

    Design (2)

    Hints

    space - white paper (lines, paragraphs)

    headings

    typefaces - vary

    numbering and dot points

    relationships

    Part B Letter writing - language

    The survey:

    wordiness

    sentence structure

    1. Wordiness

    Verbiage, the needless accumulation of words,

    clutters the text and the mind

    Superfluous words waste your time and paper, tire

    your reader and obscure your meaning.

    - E. Gowers

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    6

    Wordiness (2)

    Four suggestions:

    remove surplus words - primary words and

    secondary wordseg

    A trial by jury was requested by the defendant

    (of the 9 words, 5 are secondary)

    The defendant requested a jury trial.

    (secondary words reduced from 5 to 2)

    Wordiness (3)

    Replace unnecessary words with fewer words

    - The fact that she had died her death

    - He was aware of the fact that he knew

    that- Despite the fact that although, even

    though

    Wordiness (4)

    Exercise 2

    There has been some suggestion by your client that

    Item 8 of the sale agreement dealing with royalty

    payments needs to be amended to provide that the

    royalty is calculated on the gross sale price of units and

    products as well as rental payments (45 word sentence)

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    Wordiness (5)

    Exercise 2 - Rewritten

    Your client has suggested that royalty payments (sale

    agreement item 8) be calculated on the rental payments

    and the gross sale price of units and products. (26 word

    sentence)

    Wordiness (6)

    Remove unnecessary introductory words

    It should be noted that .

    It is appreciated that

    It will be noted that ..

    Wordiness (7)

    Let us have an end of such phrases as these:

    It is also of importance to bear in mind the following

    considerations . Or

    Consideration should be given to the possibility of

    carrying into effect.. Most of these woolly phrases

    are mere padding, which can be left out altogether,

    or replaced by a single word. Let us not shrink from

    using the short expressive phases even if it is

    conversational.

    - Winston Churchills Memorandum 9 August 1940

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    Sentence structure (3)

    Relative separated from antecedent

    Enquiries are received from time to time in connection

    with requests for the grant of leave or absence to school

    children during term time for various reasons, which give

    rise to questions as to the power to grant such leave.

    Sentence structure (4)

    b. Conciseness

    brief but comprehensive in expression.

    Bad - one great package

    All main themes, suggesting reasons, details,

    qualifications, exceptions and conclusions.

    Sentence structure (5)

    Conciseness - a guide

    average sentence length - below 25 words

    use conjunctions

    choppy

    Counsel objected to the question. She argued that it

    called for hearsay. The court overruled the objection.

    The witness was allowed to answer.

    a variation:

    Counsel objected to the question, arguing that it called

    for hearsay; the court overruled the objection and the

    witness was allowed to answer.

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    10

    Sentence structure (6)

    Exercise 3

    Which passage do you prefer and why?

    1. The conclusion which has been reached by my client

    is that if there is a continuation of your insistence on

    this position, the termination of the contract will be

    taken into serious consideration by her.

    2. My client has concluded that if you can continue to

    insist on this position, she will seriously consider

    terminating the contract.

    3. Composition

    first paragraph opening - not stilted

    eg Further to our letter of 1st instant .

    second paragraph - direct and to the point

    eg Your clients offer is not acceptable to our client,

    who ..

    main idea, then qualifications, exceptions (as

    paragraphs)

    4. Summary

    Nine questions for letter-writers

    Approach

    - to whom?

    - for what purpose?

    - what contents? - plan

    - how present contents? - design

    Language - in writing and proof reading

    - remove, substitute or rephrase what words?

    - is the sentence ordered?

    - is the sentence concise?

    - do the paragraphs help or hinder the meaning?

    - does the writing style help or hinder the meaning?

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    Final word

    If language is not correct, then what is said is not

    what is meant; if what is said is not what is meant,

    then what ought to be done remains undone.

    - Confucius