Drafting and Revising Effective SentencesChapter 11

Presented ByBlake O'HareChris McClune

effective sentences

Outline

Sentence structure

Word choice

Language barrier

effective sentences

Use lists

Use bulleted lists, if allowed:

TPS reports should be

•3-5 pages in length

•preceded by a correctly-formatted cover page

•stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page

effective sentences

Use listsOtherwise, number the list items within the paragraph:

TPS reports should be (1) 3-5 pages in length, (2) preceded by a correctly-formatted cover page, and (3) stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page.

effective sentences

Sentence organization

Put important information at the end

Express parallel elements in parallel structures

• We anticipate a delay because of the labor problems.• Under special circumstances, the joint could fail.

Awkward: Our current system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity.

Parallel: Our current system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity.

effective sentences

Modifiers•Comma use

• Restrictive modifier: Alters the meaning; no comma

• Non-restrictive modifier: Can be omitted; use a comma

•Don't misplace modifiers• Place as close as possible to the proper referent.

The office near the window is mine.

The window, which is broken, overlooks the park.

effective sentences

Sentence Length•Average: 15-20 words•Too long:

• 35+ words per sentence, several times in a row

•Too short:• Fewer than 10 words

•Vary sentence length

effective sentences

Sentence Length• Avoid long sentences by:

• Dividing the sentence in two

• Extracting a list from sentence elements

• Avoid short sentences by:• Using punctuation to lengthen the sentence

• i.e. commas, colons, semicolons

• Combining sentences

effective sentences

Focus on the real subject•Grammatical subject = real subject

•Common errors• Using grammatical expletives

• It is, there is, there are, ...

• Hiding the subject in prepositional phrase

• Writing in passive voice

Unclear: The use of this method eliminates the problem.

Clear: This method eliminates the problem.

effective sentences

Focus on the real verb•Nominal verb: verb changed to a noun

•Weaker verb replaces the original•Causes awkward and confusing sentences

To conduct an analysis instead of To analyze

effective sentences

Outline

Sentence structure

Word choice

Language barrier

effective sentences

Level of formality•Informal, moderate, or formal•Consider

• Audience

• Subject

• Purpose

•Prefer formal to informal

effective sentences

Be Clear and Specific•In general, use active voice

• Shorter sentence• Emphasizes the agent

•Problems with passive voice• Can be used unethically to avoid responsibility• Often unclear who did the action

•Possible objection to active voice• Emphasizes the person rather than the work

effective sentences

Passive Voice Check

Microsoft Word: Tools Grammar Options Settings

effective sentences

Be Clear and Specific•Use precise words

•Provide adequate detail

•Avoid ambiguity

Automobile rather than vehicle

Vague: An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties.

Clear: The left engine on the Martin 411 lost power during flight.

effective sentences

Be Clear and Specific•Avoid unnecessary jargon•Use positive constructions

•Avoid cliches• Be original and fresh

Difficult: Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the project...

Simpler: Because the team had too little time to complete the project...

effective sentences

Be Clear and Specific•Avoid long noun strings

•Avoid euphamisms• It's an ethical issue.

Unclear: preregistration procedures instruction sheet

Clear: instruction sheet for preregistration procedures

i.e. Career-change-opportunity creation instead of firing

effective sentences

Be Concise•Avoid obvious statements•Avoid filler

•Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases

• Filler words: basically, various, kind of, certain

• Redundant expressions: past history, still remain, very unique

effective sentences

Be Concise•Avoid wordy phrases

•Avoid pompous words

Wordy: On a weekly basis

Concise: Weekly

Pompous: Initiate

Plain: Begin

effective sentences

Use Inoffensive Language•Use nonsexist language

• Use non-gender-specific words

• Switch to the plural or second person• Indicate both genders (i.e. he or she) • Alternate genders from one paragraph to the next

Firefighters instead of firemen

effective sentences

Use Inoffensive Language•When referring to people with disabilities

• Refer to the person first, the disability second• Don't confuse handicap with disability• Don't refer to victimization• Don't refer to a person as wheelchair bound or confined

to a wheelchair• Don't refer to people with disabilities as abnormal

effective sentences

Outline

Sentence structure

Word choice

Language barrier

effective sentences

Simplified English•Intended for nonnnative speakers•Follows basic grammar rules•Uses a vocabulary of about 1,000 words•Excludes

• Words with multiple meanings• Complex terms and phrases

effective sentences

Preparing Text for Translation

• Use short sentences• Average less than 20 words each

• Use active voice• Use simple words• Define technical terms in a glossary

effective sentences

Preparing Text for Translation

•Don't use words with multiple meanings

•Be clear when using pronouns•Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-specific references

Replace right with correct

effective sentences

Questions?

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