DONT LET THE BLONDE HAIR FOOL YOUFrom Status Quo to Here We GoA Woman-preneurs Gu!e to Fn!n" #urpose an! #assonTon$a S%a!oanFore&or! '$ (ara Da$)n#ROLOGUEIve always had aspirations to write a book about my journey as a woman entrepreneur.Even with my educational and personal background, I had to teach myself how to become an owner of a company and succeed.Ive read every book out there for small businesses, from marketing to sales, but never had a big breakthrough, that A-A! moment! I had been looking for.I felt as if all the "business-y# books were written by men and not applicable to my particular industry.EAnd every te$t I picked up lacked major action steps to help me change the way I was doing business.It is not my goal in life to become a New York Times best-selling author %Im &' if that happens(, but to create a book that will enhance your life as a woman ) not only to give you inspiration and hope, but, more important, to help you implement a plan and change your life.I have no desire to walk into a conference and have someone ask for my autograph because I wrote abook.I have one goal and one goal only* to change the way you are thinkingand make an impact.Im not seeking to be a celebrity. If only one person picks up this book and implements the e$ercises in it and succeeds, I will have accomplished my goal.+od puts people on this Earth to change the world, to share their gifts with one another.,hat is my goal in life ) to help discoverchange yours. -y hope for you is to see the ups and downs of a businesswoman who struggles living her dream but keeps pushing forward.Even when life seemsgrim, knowing that other women are going through the same struggles allows us to breathe and feel better about life..e are not alone./o how is this book any di0erent than any other youve read1,he bookI believe ite2uips you with the tools to seek awareness of whatyour personal struggles are, and it couplesd thatwith awareness with e$ercises at the end of each chapter to help you ful3ll your lifes purposes. ,here are two sides to the book, just as there are two sides to you* the business aspect %purpose( and the personal side %passion(. I designed it as a "4ip# book to drive home the fact that you sometimes have to turn yourself over to focus on the other half. ,ogether, the halves create balance. 5alance is what you need as a woman to feel &' with growing. I have created co0ee breaks %for the business side( and cocktail breaks %for the personal side( to make it a little more fun.I strongly believe that every woman entrepreneur has to lookat both sides of the e2uation in order to really ful3ll her purpose in life. In order to succeed in this world, you have to create a balance between the twosides./o, the ne$t time we meet in person at a conference and I give you a hug, a simple smile is all I need from you.6hanging the lives of female entrepreneurs 7 one book at a time! appy reading! appiness and ugs, %will the ,onya be fu88y( 9&:E.&:;As I walked out on stage at my 3rst event for :ockstar .edding ou can realistically hold only seven thoughts at a time..hen you sit down and start writing out your plans, you start to get into the trenches, to get your hands dirty. ,aking control of your thoughts andemotions is half the battle.Im going to help you do just that as you read this book.&nce you create that plan, you can begin to create the implementation steps that you need ne$t, and then the action steps tothat get it done. .rite in pencil ) because a better idea might come along!-aybe you canOt a0ord a coach, maybe you havent even thought about a coach, but I bet youve got a pencil. I want you to use it %and I mean use it!( on this book. I want you to dig into this book* write in the marginsI underline the pieces that grab you. I want you to throw it in your bag and take it with you, batter it, dog-ear the pages, and beat it to pieces. A book that is beautiful and sits up on the shelf with pages that look as if you havenOt even read them is of no use to you and no compliment to me. ,his book is meant to be used in the trenches, your trenches. +et down and dirty,3gure it out, and youll be ready to create your own destiny by the time youOre done with it. :emember, Im in the trenches right ne$t to you. I wrote this book because I have a lot of energy and inspiration to share. I want to help other female entrepreneurs get out of their backyards and go for it!'now that Im giving you permission to feel the way you feel, permission to go after what you want, permission to take the lead and charge forward in your career.IOmgiving you courage, power, and a ou know what1Im not going to die doing this job.#Sust like that, the ne$t day he made himself into an entrepreneur./ometimes it takes a tragedy likea loss, depression or illness to motivate you to take action and change your life.e took control of his life. e knew he had more to o0er his family and more to o0er the world, and he was doing something about it.Instantly overnight, our lives changed.-y father had grown up on a farm and my grandfather had given him this old 9ord tractor.-y father decided that he was going make use of it andbuild something from his own roots.;ad made his 3rst deal with the guy who built our home, getting money knocked o0 of the selling price by puttingin his own yard with that tractor. ,his was when the housing boom was huge,in the TMCs, so it was the perfect time for him to get started building his business in his own backyard.e went on to team up with the builder and e$cavated the other lawns in the neighborhood..ith business starting to take o0, he took out a JB,CCC loan against his life insurance policy and bought more e2uipment. /oon he was oAcially running his successful new business out of the house.e was working swing shift at the coal mine, too, to make ends meet while he was getting things going. It all grew from a reali8ation my dad had all alongI ".ell, if I can do it for myself, I know I can do it for other people.# ,hats been our family mantra ever since..e always 3gured it out.,hrough feast and famine, it always worked out.After my dad got started, my mom decided she was going to start a business, too. ,here was an empty lot across the way from us. /o she took out a construction loan and built a spec house to sell, and, of course, it did. ,hat project had gone so well that she built another home. ,o help make ends meet, she started a cleaning business, built up her clientele, and had a crew working underneath her. In between her endeavors she always had her hands in my fathers business, too, helping him with the records and the books. ,o this day, she works with my father every day, side by side, and theyve been in the e$cavating business going on KC years ) with a loving marriage to boot! -y brother worked for my father for a short time after college only to 3nd himself looking to own a company too.=ow he runs a successful pool company in southern Indiana.Its in our blood.Its all Ive ever known.I always laugh and tell people, "Imagine ,hanksgiving dinner at the /tradtner Umy maiden nameV household. Everybodys business becomes everybody#s business.# Its a masterminding holiday at the dinner table. .e grow and learn from one anothers mistakes and successes, toss ideas back and forth, and encourageone another during the droughts. Ive gained a tremendous amount of knowledge from those conversations* t hhe good, the bad, and the ugly. 2Y FIRST BOARD 2EETINGI remember as a child the number of hours sitting at the dinner table listening to my mother and father discussing their companies..e spent hours upon hours at that table, hashing out all the big family business decisions. .e talked about money, marketing, pitfalls, the economy, growth and opportunities. =othing was held back at that table, nothing was o0 limits. Every major family decision was discussed and voted on by the family at that kitchen table. It became the place where I knew the truth would always be. A sturdy, solid piece of oak that brought us all together, every single night. I can still feel the nooks and crannies of every imperfection, hear every s2ueak it would make as we rose from dinner, or a chair was pulled out. It was here where I had my 3rst "board meetings.# If I was in trouble, we discussed the punishment..hen we brought homehone report cards, we presented them at the dinner tableI never missed a one.9amily time and -oms meatloaf were the foundation of who I am today. =ow, at ?N,I can appreciate all that I learned by sitting there listening to those conversations. Its all Ive ever known. -y dad was the 3rst in his family to step out and take that kind of risk, and clearly he was an inspiration to my brother and me to embark on the same journey. &wning our own businesses is in our genes, and with it comes not only responsibility, dedication and hard work, but also the ability to weather the storm. It hasnt always been easy on my dad, and hes always worried about the ne$t hard time, even after KC years of business. ,he dips and peaks can be stressful, but the thrill that you get from running your own business outweighs not knowing where your ne$t paycheck is coming from. .arning* Its a highly addictive drug.Im just like him %and it drives my mother cra8y!(, a very free spirit who wants to be around people, a "wants-to-call-the-shots# kind of entrepreneur. As a business owner, you get to wear all di0erent hats. &ne minute I am the salesperson, the ne$t I am the marketing guru, or the networker, or the accountant, and at the end of the day, I always get to steer the wheel I have created. ,he diversity and freedom in owning a business is a lu$ury I was born to enjoy. GET 2E OUT OF HERE Id always craved more in life. And I knew from the time that I was a very young child that I didnt want to spend the rest of my life in a town with one stoplight. I was bigger than my surroundings, and I simply had to get out. I probably felt this way because of my grandmother. /he was the kind of woman that just oo8ed warmth, femininity and grace. In fact her name was +race. /he worked in a local high schools cafeteria, and everyone knew and loved her. I am certain this is why I just love to be social. Every year, my grandmother gave each of us kids J@C at 6hristmas, to spend on anything we wanted. Instead of blowing it on a lot of little toys or trinkets, Id buy one, really nice e$pensive thing. -y grandmother took me to buy designer perfume, +uess jeans, or an e$pensive pair of shoes. I learned to love the 3ner things in life because of her, and I wanted more. I knew the way to get what I wanted in life was to work hard, set goals and achieve them, never take no for an answer, and get far, far, away from that small town.I knew I wanted to earn the money to buy those nice things, and to this day, I like to make my own money and support myself. =o one takes better care of me than me! I think my mother knew from the time I was very little that as soon as I was old enough, I would pack that car and get out of our small town. /he andmy dad could have fought me, but instead embraced the idea that I was headed for something bigger. At DN, with big dreams and scared eyes, I got into the packed car and headed for the big city. "+ood luck,# they said, and o0 I went. I decided against the traditional college e$perience and turned down my entry at our 5ig DC Hniversity, Indiana. -y best friend and I headedstraight for Indianapolis, got a cute little apartment together, and enrolled at the local college, Indiana Hniversity-ouOve gotta deal with this because I got to go make our JLC!!!P,he man dropped me o0 and looked at me, shaking his head and laughing. P-y wifeOs never going to believe this one.P%/ee picture of minivan(.herever you 3nd yourself on your journey, be ready to do anything tomake it work.If wearing a princess dress meant I was one step closer to getting the business going and 2uitting my job, I would do it. I would have even played the frog. .e had to pay our bills..e were really living o0 of nothing at that point. I had a dream and could taste the freedom of owning a successful company.,hat free wedding I volunteered to do turned out to be a huge hit, and by manifesting my higher power, I asked, called, and knocked on every door Ifound.SUDDENLY THE #HONE STARTED TO RINGS RINGING 9 BUT WHATS 2Y #LAN7I remember getting my 3rst in2uiry from the web, and I looked at my husband and said, P&h, my gosh, somebody wants to meet with me! .hat am I gonna do1#I worked out of my home oAce and would stay up late nights researching ideas for parties, weddings and other celebrations.I bought every wedding maga8ine on the racks, and now I had someone interested in actually hiring -E to plan her wedding.I replied and set up an appointment on my day o0 and had to hire a babysitter for my girlsdaughter.I thought, ",his is my big break!#5ut how am I going to sell myself1ow am I going to produce a wedding1I started to 2uestion my talent.,he unknown was very scary.-y big philosophy when I made my transition from teaching to wedding planning was* If I can get @C high school kids on stage, on cue, on time, I think I can handle two people.,hat 3rst in2uiry was from a woman named >olanda ;avis.I made a blue folder for her and very carefully and beautifully printed her name on theside.I hired a babysitter, cleaned my entire home ) I was going to give >olanda ;avis a totally professional welcome.&ne oOclock came around, the grandfather clock in my living room chimed, and there was just silence.I waited patiently, 3rst D@ minutes, then ?C, and wouldnt you know, she didnOtshow.I did all of this for nothing1.hy did she not come1 ;id she 3nd out I had never had a client before1 =o one wants to hire a rookie.I was so upset. ,his woman didnt even care about what that meeting would have meant to me, all the e0orts I had made in readying for her, and the money Id spent just to be able to have the opportunity to meet with her. And to this day, I keep that empty blue folder that says ">olanda ;avis# in my oAce because it was another A-A!moment for me. I reali8ed that that client was not meant for me. ou have to do this!#And without hesitation, I took out my pen %which I never use( and signed a one-year contract with 6iara, never asking for anyones permission. ".hats the worst-case scenario ) I fail1# I already felt like a failure. ,his was my last hope. I threw in all my chips and went for it full speed ahead in si$th gear.;uring that year, my business made major leaps and bounds.I became fast and furious with decisions, raised my prices, and even started a sister company, 6ircle 6ity ;esigners, a 4oral and design 3rm, when the economy was sour.If it hadnt been for that group and 6iaras mentorship, Im not sure whether my company would be in business today.I thank +od every day that I found someone who believed in me, supported my dreams, and helped me 3gure out a way to turn my dreamsthose into reality. =ow, 6iara and I co-coach wedding planners across the country./he is a dear friend of mine.Sust as today I help women 3nd their niche within the industry all across the country, these ladies helped me to 3nd mine.-ore importantly, they helped me discover my gift, and how IOm supposed to share it with the world.-entors and coaches are huge, if you 3nd the right one. Sust having somebody to listen to and support you and really believe in you, whether thatOs a friend, your mother, or your husband, is the backbone to a successful woman. &nce a friend told me, ">ou never stand alone!# %,hanks, ;ee.(A mentor can o0er an unbiased opinion and help you make the leaps and the transitions that you need in order to genuinely ful3ll your life and grow your business.ItOs big.I know ... it changed my life. =ow, I want to change yours. ,ime for a co0ee break..uccess is never a straight line/)Ali 5rown, ,he Entrepreneurial +uru for .omen(OFFEE BREA3* ;o you feel alone when it comes to running your own company1 9ind yourself second-guessing its success1ave you even listened to a teleseminar or attended a mastermind group1Im telling you, it will change your life as a business owner.Im not talking about attending a one-day workshop or networking within your industry.Im talking about a speciali8ed group that is speci3c to your 3eld and that knows your industry.9inding an e$pert that supports your education is huge.;uring this break, I want you tosearch online for a coach in your industry.eck, go to my website, www.tonyashadoan.com, for more information.5egin to research and e$plore the possibilities of hiring a coach.Its not going to be cheap, but I can guarantee you that it will change your business and your life!-ost important, 3nd a coachXmentor who can ful3ll your speci3c needs, not a generic coach./ign up for their ne$t webinar.Sust listen, take notes, and create a plan.:ight now, I want you to write down your worries..hat keeps you up at night1.here do you need a push1,he most important 2uestion to ask yourself* "Am I passionate about it1# :emember, if you cant 3nd those answers, call your mother!,oday, I spoke with one of my students who just three months ago was discouraged and felt defeated with her BC-year-old company. er husband recently retired, and they were suddenly reliant on her event-planning company to pay the monthly bills. /he began to feel the pressure of making ends meet. I had her write down how much she needed to make by the end of the year. I showed her several options for e$panding her services and pricing. After si$ months of coaching with me, she made JBM,CCC, with only JDK,CCC to go for the forth 2uarter. .ith three months left in the year, she wrote down the goal of booking four new clients. .ithin two weeks of our last meeting, she called to announce she had sent out a custom proposal for more than JDD,CCC and two other proposals that week. 9or the 3rst time in BC years she gained the con3dence to seek the kind of money she deserved. =ow, that is a celebration!I love helping women 3nd their 8one and create abundance for themselves.=ow that you are seeking help %whether its an employee, coach, intern( lets take some time to map out where we want to go.9ull speed ahead, but lets sit in neutral for a moment to discover what that might look like.o .hat type of support are you seeking1o Is there a local mastermind group you can attend1o If you could hire any coach in the world, who would it be1o .hen is the last time you worked on your business, not in it1You should be sending 012 working on your business and only ,12 in it.-,onya /hadoan(HA#TER THREEYou ,ant &n a ra,e n 'unn$ s/ppers-#ut on $our runnn" s%oes; &ere a'out to ma)e %stor$ 3ife#s too short not to wake u every day and love what you do. ) ,onya /hadoanIf you are like most people, you live day to day. It is tough to always be forward- thinking, focusing on goals and how to achieve them. Especially if you are a busy mom, it can be easy to put your own desires and goals at the very end of an unattainable to-do list. IOm a very visual person, and I feel thateverybody needs to have a road map in her life to feel con3dent, in control, balanced and focused.&ne day, I took a huge piece of paper that covered half my oAce wall and literally drew a map.I need to see where IOm going.Even when IOm running, I canOt just take o0.I have to know that IOm going to run to the end of that bridge, then IOm going to stop, and then IOll turn right.ItOs baby steps, but everythingOs attainable with baby steps..hen we begin to feel overwhelmed, its because we have lost control. 6reating a map shows you where you are headed, and you gain direction and power..hat does a map look like1 It will look di0erent for everyone, but for conversations sake, lets say that it looks like a game of 6andy Eand. At one step, it might say, "+ain JDC,CCC in sales this month,# or ".rite an article fora local maga8ine.# As you accomplish the goal, you get to color it in and track your progresshow far you have come. I not only wrote down all the things that I wanted to accomplish, but wrote them in an order as if it were a recipe for my 3nal goal, each step taking me closer to my 3nal A-A! Its important to put in place a map that motivates you, that you can see daily, and in a place that is just for you.I put mine in my oAce so that I didnt have to be embarrassed about the speci3c steps Id set out to make %remember this is just for you(, and I am the most "me# when I am working in my oAce and focused on my business. Every morning when I would step in and see all my colored s2uares, I knew I was doing all the right things to grow and succeed. Id set my /tarbucks down and on to the ne$t thing. 9ocus, focus, focus!:emember, speed attracts money..uccess is never a straight line. ) Ali 5rown>eah, sometimes you have to go back ) but then you keep moving forward. Its building the momentum. I have this great picture of me in awaii %see picture(, where Id come to an actual fork in the road, that is such a great illustration of what Im talking about. I had always envisioned the fork in the road, and here I was one day on a deserted island, 3nding myself literally having to make the decision to go left or right.Actually seeing that physical fork that day took my breath away. I had to stop in my tracks and take a picture. If you go right,itOs one journey. If you go left, its another one entirely.If you choose to go right, then you go right.>ou donOt look back, no regrets. I love looking at that picture because it was a major turning point in my life.Sust movego, go,go.-ake a decision and follow the road map. ,rust yourself, stand committed, and just do whatever it is you set out to do.5ut make a 2uick decision, and never look back. =o regrets!A lot of people are held back because theyre afraid to fail. I was lucky that I had parents who constantly told my brother and me, ">ou can do whatever you want to do, and taking risks and failing are &'.# I think just living through the feast and famine of our familys environment showed me that itOs &' to fail, that youOre going to have to just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.>ou canOt stay stagnantI you canOt look back to the past.>ou have to keep looking toward the future of what you want and where you want to go. .hat is the best decision you can make today1 .hose voice is inside your head when you think about your business1 It took me years to understand that sometimes what I was really hearing was my dads voice, or my husbands, or another person in the industry. All of those voices drown out your own, and institute doubt. In business, you have to trust your gut. ,hats the beauty of being a womanI we have that gut instinct. Its our job to be 2uiet and listen. You are your business. If you cant hear your own voice, you lose control over your own destiny.As women, we always second-guess ourselves. >ouOve got to believe in yourselfI youOve got to know and love yourself.>ouOve just got to block out all those outside voices.5efore you even get out of bed in the morning, I want you to take 3veminutes %dont cheat( and say three things you are thankful for and three reasons why its great to be you.%Its great to be me because I put /tarbucks in my tummy every single day! I treat myself!( ,ry it for one week. >oull be pleasantly surprised how it sets the tone for the day.-anifest positive energy into your heart, and it will come. THE FOUR-LETTER WORD F-E-A-RAnother layer of success lies in your ability to avoid fear. /elf-doubt, lack of education, and lack of having a plan or a map will set you up to be fearful. 9ear comes from those other voices you hear in your head and lack of preparedness.'nowledge will give you the power that you need in order to keep moving forward. :ead everything you can about your business.%verything. In fact, read every chance you get ) it will empower you. /ubscribe to competitors blogs. Eook on the Internet for e$amples of successful companies like yours.9ailure and fear will hold you back and holdyou down. +et rid of that negative talk in your head and do something about it./itting there dreaming of the "what if1# will not get you anywhere e$cept back to +loppy the -olasses -onster in 6andyland.ATTA(3 YOUR A(TION #LAN45" you say to yourself, but how do I do that" Tonya! ow do you movethrough that fear, move past it1 ,he 3rst step is to create the personal road map weve talked about. /ometimes people donOt understand what they want.Eisten to your heart.ou will be surprised how e$cited you become. It is a proven fact that the more you can visuali8e your goals and write them down, the faster they will be accomplished./tick with the plan.,his is your journey and guide! A man told me the other day that he wanted to lose weight.e took my advice and wrote down his goal and his baby steps on his bathroom mirror.,hree months later, he had lost KC pounds!!! Every morning he woke up, read his goal on that bathroom mirror, and made the time to work toward his goal.,ake back the control, never fall back into the rat race, and work toward your road map. ,here is no denying that writing down what you want to accomplish will vastly improve your odds of accomplishing it.It magically appears to happen because your mind-set is focused.ave you thought about what you want your map to look like1.here you are headed ne$t1;ont let life pass you by ) get up and take control of your path.Its time for a new you!>ou dont have to wait until Sanuary Dst to accomplish those dreams.=othing stands in the way e$cept you.THERE IS NO #LAN B>ou constantly add steps, take di0erent paths, and add new goals.Another important step in creating your personal map is truly knowing what your gifts are and how you di0er from others. I always laugh inside when a bride comes into the oAce and says, "I want my wedding to be elegant and uni2ue!# .hat she doesnt know is that every bride says thatI literally every bride. ,he words dont actually indicate any di0erence ) they are just words we are used to using to describe weddings. It takes a much deeper journey to know what you really want, who you really are, and how you are di0erent. 9ortunately, +od makes everybody di0erent, which is why its so ama8ing to be in this world!I wake up every day and canOt wait to be with people, because itOs just ama8ing to 3nd people who are living their livessharing their gifts with the world.I am so lucky to get to spend my day helping people like you 3nd your own uni2ueness and gifts. -y gift is that I can sit down with you ) with anybody ) for DC minutes and tell you what youruni2ue gifts are, where your heart is, and what youre called to do. I can help you 3nd your real purpose and passion. Im not psychic, and its not a spiritual thing, itOs just that I can really read and connect with people.I think some of it is my theater and communications background, and part of it is that I just love people and love learning about them.,his is my gift.As a coach, my job is to help build people up and lead them in 3nding their personal and professional niches."=iche to be :ich# is my motto.,I began my coaching career with the event industry, and the 3rst thing I coached is that you canOt just come straight out of the gate and be like everyone else in your industry.,hereOs something very special about you that makes you di0erent from all the other businesses around you. .hat do you do di0erently1 .hat is your greatest asset to the industry1 ;oes your marketing represent those di0erences1 ,he faster you 3gure out your di0erences, the 2uicker you can "niche to be rich# in your own industry. =ow, whats your uni2ue gift1 New Year#s resolutions are for rocrastinators. ),onya /hadoan&nce you acknowledge and embrace your uni2ueness and apply it to your business, there really isnOt such a thing as competition for you anymore.>ou are now a stand-alone business that is the green apple amidst all the oranges.If you go at the business just telling your potential client, PIOm a wedding planner,P the reaction is likely to be, P.ho cares1PIf youre just another orange in a bo$ of oranges, your potential client can only look at price to make a decision.,And thats never where you want to compete. >our special gift, that thing that sets you apart, is what makes you a juicy, plump green apple in that bo$ of oranges. =ow you are the service thing thatshe has to hire. have, and>your marketing and, your voice, should always speakyour uni2ue characteristicsto that thing you do di0erently. ,he customer no longer shops by price, but with emotion, and you have captivated her attention by being you[di0erent.,ry it, and youll be ama8ed when you embrace your uni2ueness and share it with the right potential customer.>our life, both professionally and personally, will change.,o discover your gift, log on to www.tonyashadoan.com to sign up for a "9ast Action ou will just know when you know %with my help, of course!(.3ife is not about balance" it#s about resilience.(OFFEE BREA3- -ap 2uest +et a stack of note cards and your trusty pencil. +ot them1 =ow, pick up a note card. &n each one, youre going to write down something special that youve always wanted to do or accomplish* write a book, ride a motorcycle, make a million dollars, hire people, get a cleaning lady. I donOt care what it is, but put every one down. It can be a personal or professional goal. ,he 3rst time I did this, I ended up with about D@ cards./o, after you look at your D@ or so cards, ask yourself, P.hat is it that I should accomplish ne$t in my business or personal life1#/tart weeding through that pile. -aybe youve got some cards that are really about what other people think you should be doing. P,onya, you shouldbe on ,R.P.ell, does ,onya really want to be on ,R1I donOt know, maybe, but if I donOt know that for sure, I take that out of the pile.,ake those cards and turn them over.=ow ask yourself, "Are there any cards that might be someone elses voice1#our daily checklist disappears. ,his e$ercise is intended to help you to pinpoint your passions.;o the e$ercise, then 3nd the top three strongest items on both sides and circle them.>oull be able to see the three things that really ring your bell.>our personal map will be that much clearer. .hen youOre so passionate about something, the money will come, because youOll be focused and ready. -ake sure your journey matches your loves and uni2ueness.If you struggle with this e$ercise, you might want to consider picking up .trengths 7inder 8.1 by ,om :ath.It helped me discover my strengths and move forward. ,he website strengths3nder.com is a great tool and worth the money.I was coaching somebody the other day, a bigwig in an advertising company. /he was worried about having the advertising stu0 on her resume, and asked me, Pow in the world does that relate to wedding planning1-y clients arent going to hire me without e$perience.PI asked her, P.ell, what are you good at1P/he said, PIOm great with sitting down with people, IOm great at 3guring out what they do.I project-manage the event, I produce the event, I make it look pretty.P A-A!I responded, ",hose are all the steps that a wedding planner hasto manage.# 5ut then she said, "IOm really embarrassed to tell people that I have a full-time job, doing this advertising gig right now,P /he was thinking about knocking it o0 her bio.I said, P=o, what we dont ever do is fabricate..hat we do is we spin it around and talk about all the organi8ational skills that you have, and your e$perience as a creative person in a competitive business. ,hat is your gift, thats whats special that you can bring to the table as a wedding planner. ,his makes you that juicy green apple.PIt seemed like a natural transition, and she didnOt see it. After reworking her professional bio, the light bulb went on./he was no longer hiding behind her uni2ue gifts. Sust as when I began my wedding career, I had to turn to my last profession %teaching and theater( and pull out the skills that would be an asset to my new entrepreneurship.I was very organi8ed.I had to keep a daily log.I had to pee at F*DM %I mean, I am so meticulous(.,hose attributescontributed to my new venture as a wedding planner. You are your biggest asset9 don#t take it for granted.If you take it away from me" I#m going to do it again" again" again.BELIE8IN IN YOUR 2ISSION>ROAD 2A#,he number-one thing that ama8es me with female entrepreneurs is that we donOt have con3dence in ourselves.It drives me cra8y.I give con3dence to women all across the world, every day.6ircumstances, people,and life tend to beat us up on a daily basis. I cant wait to address that issue on the 4ip side of this book ) but for now you stay focused, keep reading.=ow, maybe youre a young female entrepreneur who isnt going into the wedding -planning business. ;oesnt matter what business youre going intoI youve still got to be able to honestly identify and embrace that particular strength, that gift thats uni2ue to you. Its that uni2uenessthing you bring to the party. &nce youve got ahold of that, the con3dence comes naturally. >oure standing apart from the pack. >ouve got something your client is going to see and want, no matter what the price.=ow its time to go back to all of your marketing materials and make sure your new-found gifts are featured front and center on your website, tagline, postcards, business cards, etc.If you dont announce it and spell it out, you will continue to be the plain Sane orange in the pile.;ont be surprised if your ne$t potential client calls you up and asks, ".hats your price1# #UR#OSE=ow that we know who you are, its time to 3gure out who needs you.,he other key to business success is identifying the other person in therelationship* your customer. &nce you know who you are, youre going to be able to 3gure out who she is. I call it Pearmony,P which is ironic, because IOm a wedding planner, right1%I have worked for a lot of couples who meet on earmony, actually.(,he perfect business-to-client match really is a love a0air./tep one*Identifyyour uni2ue gift./tep ,wo*Identify the needXpain of your ideal customer./tep ,hree* Add the two together, and you have a solution for whom you are looking for.9ind a pain that you can cure, because being able to take your gift and their pain and bring them together e2uals a successful, pro3table business. ,his pain is the thing that allows you to showcase your uni2ueness.9or e$ample, you are a plumber. Everyone needing a plumber needs the water to stop leaking, so simply saying you are a great plumber is like my bride saying she wants her wedding to be elegant. In the past, every plumber your potential clients have used was late. It messed up their schedule, it was disrespectful of their time, and while they were waiting, theygrew increasingly concerned about the water damage. >ou are the plumberI your gift is that you are so organi8ed and punctual that you always arrive D@ minutes early. Its imbedded from your childhood when your mother always yelled at you about being late.=ow you are very prompt. >our gif t \ punctuality. ,heir pain \ tardiness. ,hat combination is an "earmony# match!>ou now stand out in the crowded pool of plumbers. .hy1 5ecause youOre so cra8y-passionate about what you do that you literally built your business around it, and potential clients are so desperate for a solution that price is not as important any longer. 6onnecting your passion with their pain e2uals a high paying customer.ItOs just bringing the "earmony# of sales together. =e$t, lets talk about 3nding that special customer ) your customer. If you can sot the greatest ain in your industry" you have 6ust found an oortunit/(HA#TER FOUR N,%e to 'e r,%; 't,%es1W%ats $our ?a@or7Without you" there is no me/ 9 6hristopher -. .harton6an you imagine you and your competitors as mice, all hovering around one piece of cheese1 .hat will happen over time if you all just nip away at that one piece of cheese1 Eventually, youll all be left with nothing. Itmight seem like a silly illustration, but I cant stress enough how really important it is that you speciali8e within your industry. >ou dont want the same clients your competition has, and you want to stand out from them.-y coach was able to help me de3ne my niche, and once I found it %which, not surprisingly, proved to be something that I am passionate about!(, the money followed. /imply put, the more you narrow your search for your perfect client, the easier the pro3ts come in to your business. 5ut what does it really mean to "=niche to be rich1# =iche UnichV:noun.A distinct segment of a market.A place or position suitable or appropriate for a personI to 3nd ones niche in the business world..hen I started the company %right before the economy went sour(, basically we would cater to any client, and any type of service, for any type of pro3t. I thought we could provide any type of planning service to anybody who would walk in the door..e would simply wait to see what Soe /chmo was looking for, and customi8e our business to suit his needs. .e were doingbirthday parties, reunions, corporate events, fundraisers ... you name it, wedthrow it.And we planned tons of weddings ) all price ranges, all over the city, from city chic to traditional. It could be anything from "I dos# at 6ity all, all the way to a huge 6atholic wedding with the grand reception for ?CC guests.,here was no uniformity to the type of clientele we were servicing. .e were basically a >ellow ou have to.&therwise, youre going to become so personally attached to a job that you feel like itOs your own, not your client. Eeave your own personality out of it.I canOt design a wedding the way ,onya would wanta wedding designed, because its not ,onyas wedding.Its what the client wants that matters. I have to 3gure out what my bride envisionswants, not what I seewant, and I have to be able to keep my personal taste aside.>ou have to create that separation.>ou have to take yourself out of the e2uation. ,hat is how I suddenly found my 'risten, my who!3RISTEN C YOURE 2Y GIRL1.ho is 'risten1 /he is my perfect customer. /hes BL years old./he lives at home with her parents in the gated community of 5ridgewater 6ountry 6lub.er mother is one of her best friends.er parents are paying for the entire weddingI ;ad signs the checks, and -om attends every meeting with the bride.'risten drives a new onda that ;ad bought her, butshe has to make the insurance payments.er father is the 6E& of a big company.er mother doesnt work outside her home and drives a baby blue5-. convertible %>es, 'risten, this is your mother(.'risten just graduated from college and landed her 3rst real job.,his man shes going to marry wasprobably her college sweetheart. er father made sure that she always had a job growing up, so that she knows the value of the dollar.'risten is 6atholicI sheOs going to have a B*?C p.m. ceremony.At @*?C, shes going to have cocktails./heOll haveinvite appro$imately about BCC people to the reception.,he groom is just starting out in his career, probably getting his feet wet in sales.,hey are so in love, and -om and ;ad are happy about it all %Hsually, itOs the mom and the stepdad, because -oms on her second marriage(. ,he groom is rarely involved because he knows mother and daughter have waited a long time to plan this wedding.-y girl is all glit8 and glam./he likes a little bling, but not over the top./he wants people to walk in and be wowed, but she wants a designer tobring all of those elements together, and she wants it to be very personal for her.In my oAce, we call it "high-end, but approachable,# and catering to 'risten is our mission.Ideally, every client that would call us would be this "'risten.# ow did we 3gure this out1 .e looked back on our favorite jobs, the ones that were pro3table, and picked out speci3cs from those clients. ;oes every "'risten# have to drive a onda1 =oI the point is that she has nice things, but isnt spoiled. .e know we work best with clients who arent divas and who know the value of a dollar. /o, whos your perfect customer1.hats your 4avor1,his is a little easier to discover if you have already been in business for a while, so that you have been e$posed to various types of clients.Ask yourself, ".ho is theperson that, when she calls, I canOt wait to answer it1# .hen you tell your friends about a big job you completed, whose story is it youre telling1 If you are new to business, or havent 2uite started yet, just ask yourself what traitsyou enjoy in people and what traits you dont, and try to create a story around those 2ualities. If punctuality and eti2uette are important you, maybeyour client has a college degree and is well educated. +o ahead9 envision the perfect client and give her a name. /uddenly, magic will happen. 5ut be very speci3c.The universe can#t grant vague re;uests.SU((ESSFUL 2AR3ETING,he point of this e$ercise showcases the key to successful marketing.'nowing who my 'risten is, then, is the most important ingredient to my marketing recipe, the voice we use to attract to our clients.=ow, my speaking and writing is much clearer for reaching my goal because I have a very speci3c target girl Im writing to, seeking and attracting.&nce 'risten sees my latest blog post she can relate to me, and we instantly connect %even before we meet(./he feels, as if, I was speaking directly to her. &', now youOve identi3ed your 'risten./o how do you let her know it is you that she is looking for1ow do you set the stage1>ou start writing to her.&n your website, your personal bio, or whatever social media platform youre using, you write directly to her as if she is your best friend, and you share with her who you really are.In the personal bio we post on our website, IOm very real. I tell you that IOm addictedto /tarbucks, and I love to shop, and I love that my cat kisses my nose, and I am all about my three beautiful children ) IOm just real.,his is who I am, andI 3rmly believe people are not buying your servicesI they are buying you. It isabout trust, connection, and the e$perience, not price. >ou will have to evaluate your clientele to see just how much of you should go into your marketing, but always remember, like attracts like. >ou will attract the peoplewho are most like you. #UT YOUR ORDER IN0 AS3 AND YOU SHALL RE(EI8E/o m-y 'ristens going to read that blog post and say to herself, P&h,my gosh, this woman knows what sheOs talking about./hes hip and fun, andI feel like I can relate to her./heOs not old enough to be my mother, but e$perienced enough to know the ins and outs of her industry.PIOm at a perfect age right now for playing the game in the wedding industry, because I build the bridge between mother and daughter %my dream 4avor!( by beingyoung enough to be hip, but e$perienced enough to know my stu0. Im a great voice to speak to two generations, and have the right ears to make them both happy. /he immediately feels the attraction and begins to pick up the phone to call me.-atch.com!Eets have our 3rst date! 'risten is real in my mind, and creating this clientmaking that so was the best thing that ever happened to my business, because guess what1'risten started calling me.,hen it wasnOt even a sales opportunityI it was a love connection, a true, genuine connection, because I was now servicing a bride who could appreciate my talents.,he earmony really came to life. /he was happy and relieved ) and so was I! %And I was charging premium prices.(I just closed a deal yesterday.,alked to the lady on 9riday, she read my bio, we clicked instantly over the phone, signed an JN,@CC contract two days later.Sust like that.IOve never even met the woman.Never even met her! It is because I branded my company in a way that spoke to her before we met. .hen we 3nally spoke, we had already had a connectionconversation. Everything I put out there speaks to my 'risten. >ouhave to 3nd your 'risten and speak to her3nd out what she needs you to sayto her. (OFFEE BREA3 E:ER(ISE- Fn!n" $our ?a@or+ >our 4avor is your girl, your client, the one you were made for. =ow its time for you to dig deep about your client and nail down who she is, down to how she does her nails. I can pick my 'risten out of a crowd.Eets create your 'risten and write down speci3c details about her.&nce youve got it 3gured out, you just know her instinctively from head to toeI what kind of jeans would she be wearing1 .hat kind of sunglasses1 /hoes1 /heOs going to buy nice shoes, because shoes are really important to her./heOs going to be wearing pumps./heOs high-end, but approachable.5ut what does high-end and approachable mean1;onOt tell me sheOs B@ to ?F.+ive me an age.es, I recogni8ed the fact that business was slow, our brides werent spending ;ads money the way they used to, but they were still calling someone and they were still getting married. It was my job to be creative with their money, to continue to give them the e$perience they were looking for, and to wait for my 'ristin and ignore all the Sanies. our attitude through the slow period is just as important as the busymonths.Its not the time to give up and get a part-time job.&H, the people who can mass-produce your product or service9 the implementers. .hat is an implementer1 ,he sta0 that can be where you cant be, doing the work that you dont have time to do, that doesnt demand your speci3c presence. -aybe you want to own a franchise, and then multiple franchises, or you want to produce B@ wedding cakes on the weekend, not just one, or cupcakes, or whatever your specialty isI but you cant do it all. If you are the road, you need other people to be the drivers. >ou createthe pathI they do the work..hen you 3rst open your doors, whether you areselling a service or a product, you have to think big. ;ont do everything yourselfI this will create burnout fast! ,hink of a time where you ran yourself ragged. .hat happened1 >ou most likely got sick and ended up in bed for days. +od isnt going to give you an opportunity you cant handle, but be ready to ask for help. A true business owner thinks outside the bo$. ,hink big! &ne of my favorite sayings is, "If you are going to think big, you might as well think 5I+!#>ou canOt be the person working the counter, and working in the kitchen, and going to a networking event.>ou are only one person. =o matter how good you are at multi-tasking, you need to learn how, when, and what to delegate.&nce you have mastered the art of delegation and createdsystems for your productXservice, you are on your way to growing an empire.,hats the third component ) delegation and leadership. >ou cannot be a one-man show. ,he most valuable thing I learned from that book was that thereOs morethan just being good at your trade in being a successful business owner.>ou have to be the visonaryvisionary.ouOre selling yourself.ItOs the relationships you build outside of your shop, your oAce, and your computer that provide referral systems toand help build the reputation of your company will stand on. >ou are the business!&utside of those walls is the foundation of a great, successful business.>ou have to know what hat toput on when, and what hat you can pass o0 to somebody else.YOU WERE BORN TO BE A LEADER5e an innovator within your industry. ou can make it on your own# ,hat was the message that I wanted to teach to my daughters.>ou donOt have to depend on other people for your self-worth or for your success.>ou can make it on your own. &nce you succeed at one thing, it will drive you to succeed at the ne$t. It gives you that inner con3dence that people do notice because you project the pride in your accomplishment. &nce you have that going on, anything is possible.=ow, I reali8e that most of us cant start out with a -ercedes and 6hanel or +ucci. I didnt start out with these things. It took a lot of steps to get me to that -ercedes dealership. 5ut at each step, I took pride in my appearanceI I took pride in my hard work.ow do you e$ecutee$ude that con3dence and attract that level of clientele if you donOt have it1 ow do youget through that challenging phase when youOre starting out1I think its important to be realistic and to do everything in baby steps. I coach people all the time who are just starting out their businesses, and I ask them, P.hat keeps you up at night1.hat gives you power1.hat gives you comfort1.hat gives you knowledge1P >ou cant go out tomorrow and buy yourself DCC nice things, but you can go in your closet and 3nd the one thing that, every single time you put it on, makes you feel like you own the world.>ou know that feeling that some pieces of clothing can give you1 -aybe its a color. I look great in pink, so I wear it when I have an important meeting. -aybe its a pair of shoes that make you feel so good. I donOt care what it is.And when you go see your client for the 3rst time, wear it. >ou cannot sell yourself if you dont feel good in your own skin. And every little detail helps you feel strong and empowered. >ouOve got to start there before you can say anything or sell anything, especially in the service industry. :emember, itOs about selling you, not the service or the product.ItOs about how youOre connecting with your customer. oure your own best advertisement. ,o this day, I donOt advertise anywhere e$ceptmy website and social media. ou tell me the brand, and I go buy it for myself. =ot because I saw it in a maga8ine but because I saw you looking good, and I trust you. It has become even easier for word of mouth to travel. /ocial media haves created a platform on which businesses can support one another, clients can give testimonials for you, and you can give yourself a platform to share your e$pertise and accomplishments that people will want to see. If you can get a great following via social media, your reputation goes from theneighborhood, to the city, to statewide ) maybe even global! It is so valuableto utili8e all the social media outlets, because people are still buying from people, despite how big a company becomes. our "E$cellent# column is what you should focus on, because thatOs what is going to make you money and thatOs what youOre passionate about, and that helps you with the sales process. ,he things you identify as weaknesses are what you should delegate. >our greatest skills and assets aid in your ability to create pro3t, even if your strength isnt in sales. /ometimes a great business owner has to delegate sales to someone else who is more outgoing or con3dent. 9or instance, if youare great at being organi8ed, perhaps its your eAciency and pro3ciency withspreadsheets that allow you to stay in tune with your companys pro3ts and losses. >ou understand the inner workings of your business better than anyone. >oud work on the micro part of the business and have a partner whois more macro-focused. -ore often than not, however, you are going to sell yourself better than anyone. If youOre e$cellent at it, then youOre going to make money at it, and that makes it worth your time.(HA#TER SI:2a)n" $our sa/es sFF/e=I feel sorry for the erson who can't get genuinely e>cited about his work.Not only will he never be satis?ed" but he will never achieve anythingworthwhile.= ).alter 6hryslerI knew from a very young age that I was good at sales ) it was in my blood. I worked retail on commission and won the highest percentage every month, merely working part-time. It wasnt my lifelong goal to work there, but I took it seriously, and I treated every customer as an opportunity.I built up loyal customers by being personal and relational with them. and I worked the 6hristmas season like no one else.I was motivated and driven. ,his was only the beginning of my sales career, but because of the diversity of the people walking through the door, this job helped me understand people in general. .hat made them open to talking to me1 .hatwere their pains1 .hat worked as an icebreaker, and what pushed peoples buttons1I was always con3dent approaching people and listening to their needsI after all, I love people. ,here was a great challenge for me to get the sale, and it has stuck with me all my life. 5ut sales isnt a game. It isnt something you win. ,here are strategies to put into motion and limits to set. Ican tell you how to make your sales "si88le# by consistently getting the clients you want, at the rate you want to have them, making the money you deserve to make. ow does that sound1 As I began my own business, I was the marketing director, the sales person, the 3nancial department, the laborer, and everything else in between, but sales are the backbonewhat help to consistently grow your business %and I love it ) I know Im weird(.,he year I booked BL weddings byfor myself, nothing could stop me. I was on 3re. I was booking clients left and rightI the phone was@unning a business is so much e>citing than any baseball game.ringing o0 the hook and my calendar was 3lling up.Its funnyI I call myself a chameleon, because I could belly up to a local pub and hang out with everybody, or I could be at the 3nest restaurant in the city and know how to order 3ne wine.I know how to adapt to my environment and read people. I might look like a million bucks on the outside, but I am just as comfortable on a bar stool as I am in a -ercedes. I can adapt myself to any environment. A big part of the sales process is being able to talk to people attheir level, no matter what that level is, to meet them where they are. @unning a business is so much e>citing than any baseball game. If I come in with a burst of energy, and my potential client is very shy and subdued, then the sale isnt going to be a good match./ales are more about listening and reading a situationand adapting to the personalityand the person really well than it is about talking and proposing your ideas. ,hats why its important that you know who your customer %4avor( is and what her emotions are telling you. :ead her. Eisten to her, and react to her pains.If I come in with tons of energy and the client is really stressed, Im going to turn her o0 with all my energy, and that creates an instant disconnectI its not a match. .henever a new potential client comes into my oAce, I take a moment and 3gure out very 2uickly her personality and try to mimic her mood, to relate to her. I mirror her sentences and ideas, so she knows I hear her.I listen!6on3dence is the secret ingredient in creating and closing sales. If I dont fully believe I can deliver for the client, she wont believe it either. I have spent years educating myself, reading every maga8ine, book and blog in the wedding industry. Ive yet to perform the perfect eventI Im constantly learning from my last one.,here is always a take-away.&ver time, I have gained e$perience that teaches me what to sell and what not to sell. I could sell anything to anyone because I am so good at reading what a person needs, who she is, and how I can help her. The world is a mirror.It 6ust haens" I love mirrors/ ) ,onya /hadoanI was cranking out sales left and right in that second or third year of business and felt really good about it.I wanted to brag a little, so I called up my dad to tell him about my successes. I told him I was a sales machine.e asked me, ".hat do you think your conversion rate is1#"Its FMW, ;ad, Im closing everyone,# I said proudly.e responded, ".ell then, ,onya, youre too damn cheap. >ou need to charge more!#And that was an "AA!# moment for me.If you are closing every client, then you are servicing anyone who walks through your door, and you are too cheap. >oure only doing a disservice to yourself and your brand.Its time to raise your prices.Eater in this chapter, we are going to e$plore your hourly rate. ,he important concept here is that you arent successful simply because you are closing them. >ou are successful if you arecharging the right client, the right price, at the right time! -ost of our in2uiries come via the Internet. &ur web presence is super important in the sales process. A client begins her search to solve her pain %planning her wedding( and comes across our website or blog. ,he average time spent looking at a website is less than two minutes. >ou have to make your 3rst impression powerful and 2uickly./o, w* .hat does your website say about you1-ake sure your personality shines throughI this is your business card %a snapshot of your business(, and its not the place to cheap out or go for "good enough.# 6lients need to connect with you on the Internet 3rstI then you will get your sales meeting.-/o make sure your website speaks to your 4avor, your 'risten.,hink about the earmony %match.com( concept.If you are looking for a mate, you know within seconds if you are going on a date with him.Itsthe same for your potential clients.,hey know immediately if you are a perfect 3t for them.And youll know if this who is your 4avorI listen to your gut. You can#t win if you don#t buy a ticket/,he sales process begins when somebody comes in through a web in2uiry. I have a little game I play with myself* ow fast can I get somebody to respond to my email1 >ouve got to look beyond the wording of the clients 2uery, and see where shes at emotionally. Is she stressed1>ouve got to 3nd her pain.&nce you 3nd her pain, you need to write to that pain.Is she a 'risten kind of client1.here are they getting married1 Is it a high-end venue that your perfect client would use, or can you tell she is budget-conscious by her choice1 If you are going to be thinking" you might as well think bi./it and analy8e her message before you respond.If you cant pick up on any clues through her in2uiry, I would suggest having a standard email response that catches her attention.:emember its not about what you have to o0er ) its all about her and her pain.9ind the pain.,here is a common pain amongst your clientele, no matter their personality. -y clients problem is usually stress, and as a wedding planner, I handle the details so the bride can be stressed less.owever, some are more obvious than others.9or e$ample, if I have an out-of-town bride getting married here in Indianapolis, I put in my email response to her that we speciali8e in out-of-town brides and that more than MCW of our clients live out of town..hat does this say to her1".hew, 3nally, someone who can relate to what Im going through trying to plan this from afar.# I look at all the components of what they wrote, and read between the lines of their in2uiry. Ive been in the business long enough to know how to search for their pains, and how to spot the things that will trigger their emotions. I then can take that emotion and relate it back to them. I mirror what theyre saying to me, which helps me to build a connection before I even pick up the phone. :emember to relate and to be the solution to their pain %stress, lost, budget, -om, etc.( because thats where the 6hameleon E0ect comes, in meeting the client.,hink ou can discover their natural abilities and instinctive talents.If they don#t enhance your life" they don#t belong in i.,hat works both ways. I think its really important that you continually feed your employees and help them grow. I love the saying, "appy wife, happy life,# and its the same for your employees.It can cost you a lot of money and a big headache to 3nd good people.5ut if, instead, you would spend the time at the beginning really connecting and helping them 3nd their place in your company, then you can help them grow and further their dreams and aspirations. ,hey become what you need them to be as employees, you make money, they are happy, and everybody wins."appy boss, happy employees.#=ow that you are convinced you need help, lets work through what this might look like for you in your business.Is it time to hire a cleaninglady1(OFFEE BREA3-Are you are taking leaps in your business1 .hat leaps do you need to make1,ake a moment and revisit your map..hat have you dreamed of doing but lacked the nerve to write down1Its time to write it down.ou have to 3nd that time in your day where you perform at your peak, and mine is always in the morning. ,hey say that some people are actually born with a morning gene.I obviously have that one.I have energy all day long, but tend to shut down around K p.m. ,his is perfect because I am ready to put work away and be with my kids. ave you ever evaluated your peak time throughout the day1.hen do you feel the most energi8ed1 .hen do you feel the most inspired1 .hen do you get the most done1 Are you a morning go-getter or a late-night owl1,ake a moment and evaluate your energy levels. ;ocument the times during the day where you 3nd yourself at your peak level..e will learn to utili8e those times to work on your business and check things o0 your list.ENERGY STEALERS I have found, as a business owner and mentor, that I tend to encounter people who like to steal my energy, because energy is contagiousIeveryone wants it, but not every one has it. I can start conversations with certain people completely engaged and e$cited and 3nd myself e$hausted and drained after only a few minutes. It used to be that I would walk away and think, ".hat just happened1#,he more my business grew, the more often I would encounter people like this. ,ake, take, take. It was really hard for a person like me who loves to give %a people pleaser(, to learn how to restore and salvage my energy for the right things. I thought this was just something you had to deal with until my ou visually put yourself inside this big balloon where you are protected, but still present. >ou can imagine that when a late$ balloon blows up it becomes transparent, so you would still be able to see and hear what is going on around you, but the surface would reject or bounce back any negative emotions. >our friend, your sister, a teacher, a colleague, a coworker ) whoever it is that is always ready to draw you in and suck out your positive energy will no longer be able to a0ect you in the same way again.>ou make a conscious decision to say to yourself before you walk into the room, "I am not going to allow this person to steal my energy.#And it works every timeI its just ama8ing to me. It not only works on your personal relationships, but it also will help you in your business.If you have a client scheduled to come in and youre thinking, "Hgh, I am dreading this meeting,# or youre looking ahead to having a hard conversation with an employee who isnt performing, well, you put this shield around yourself, andwatch it protects you from those energypeople stealersing that positive energy about you..Eets try it right now for giggles.9irst, I want you to think of a person who tends to bring negativity into your life.,hink about how when you are done talking or visiting with this person, you feel drained, though you might not know why. =ow picture yourself inside a big balloon ball before you even pick up the phone to chat.-entally protect yourself from the negativity.5ecome powerful, and acknowledge the fact that you are taking a stand and not allowing the energy to release from your body.,ake a deep breath, put yourself inside the big bubble, and enter the conversation with a di0erent mental state.>ou will be ama8ed! I promise you, the ne$t time you have to have a hard conversation with this person, you will see how e0ective this can be.Its &' not to interact with this personon your high-energy days./ave that call for the weekendsI after all, we are here to get work done.S#RIN3LE ON(E A DAY1.hats so important about conserving and protecting your energy1 As a woman, you probably feel like your job every day is to spread yourself too thin, and give, give, give to everyone else around you. I am here to help empower you, and show you that you have the power to decide when you want to sprinkle your energy and give it to other people as a gift. It is nobodys right to take to take it from youI no one is more deserving of havingit than you. Its your gift to give, and you want to give it with permissionassion. .hen you are in the balloon, you are not cutting other people o0 or out. >oure simply not allowing anyone to steal from you. >ou get to decide where that positive energy gets usedI a little sprinkle here, a little sprinkle there, a little sprinkle everywhere. It can be very powerful whenyou make a conscious decision on who gets to share your energy.,ake control of it and own it.NEGATI8E THOUGHTS- DONT LET THE2 (HANGE YOUR 2OOD-y mentor also taught me that when you have negative thoughts %those from the left side of the brain(, and you allow the past %which can holdus down like a heavy weight( from preventing good new things from coming into your life, its time topink balloon ituse a di0erent balloon. -ine, of course, is a pink balloonI would you e$pect anything else1-y whole life is pink! >ou decide what color your balloon should be, but its important to create one that you can visuali8e clearly and 2uickly.+ather up those negative thoughts and self-doubt, all the pessimism, and all those ;ebbie ;owners and nay-sayers around you, and visually release the balloon in your mind.Eet it go.,ake mental note of the negative feeling or situation, put it inside the balloon, and picture yourself letting it go, watching it 4oat away upin to the sky. As it disappears, its almost as if your brain opens up to the world and the white light enterscomes in.ave peace. ,hen allow p5ut, you have the control over your thoughts, your feelings, and your energy. +et yourself into the mind-set of letting that balloon go.>ou can choose to be happy. Its trueIif you think positive thoughts, you will breathe positive air. 5efore I even getup in the morning and put my feet on the ground, I breathe positive energy into my mind.>our mind is the most powerful organ in your body.Athletes gearing up for a big race know that they have to train themselves not only physically but also mentally.>our mind-set is half the battle of winning the race.>ou have the power to choose to be happy.Its a great tool to share with other people in your life. It can be funny how good you get at it. /omething can happen, you say "Im going to pink balloon,# and you are instantly transformed. If you struggle with this visuali8ation, it might be helpful to buy a big late$ balloon.,ake it outside and physically release it.,ake another breath and allow those feeling to go away as you watch it 4oat up in the skywith your mental balloon. :elease the negativity. BREATHE OUT THE NEGATI8E ENERGYou know the old saying* >ou are the average of the 3ve people you surroundyourself with the most./o make a list of those 3ve people. .hat does your average look like1 Are any of them negative in your life1 .hat can you do to get them out of your life, at least for the time being1And dont forget to smile!/prinkle your magic potion with those people in your world that bring you positivity and radiance.5e thankful for these people.When the vibrations of our hysical and siritual bodiesare out of harmony it can cause a diseas.#OSITI8E ENERGY- WHERE DO YOU FIND YOURS7Eets talk about positive energy..here do you get it1ow do you hold onto it1 >ou need to 3nd your peak, the point at which your mind is most open and you feel your best.Everybodys peak is di0erent.Im not a late-night person.I like to go to bed at a decent hour, with the +randmas and +randpas of the world after the DC oOclock news.5ut I like to get up at the crack of dawn, and my body has an internal clock that just automatically wakes me up before sunrise.I look at the day as an opportunity, a "what canI share with the world today1# kind of day. I cant wait to interact with people, and share our gifts and e$periences with each other. 5ut before my foot hits the ground, I do a 2uick mental e$ercise that puts my mind in a good place.Every morning as soon as I open my eyes, I take just a few minutes to collect my thoughts and allow positive energy to enter my body.I picture this beautiful present sitting on my bedside table.Its the most gorgeous gift, wrapped in white with a sparklythe prettiest silver bow on top.It has a gift tag that says* ,&* ,onya .I, E&RE, +od.,his present is there every morning, and its up to me to decide what Im going to do with it.,here are little gifts inside, just waiting for me to open them, each and every day.Im in control of utili8ing those gifts by either sharing them with the world or capitali8ing on them for myself.Hsually, there is a little of both inside.,his mental image of my present always puts me in a great mind-set for the day./ome days the bo$ feels a little empty, and other days its over4owing.5ut the mental image of this present allows me to keep an open mind and positive spirit..hat does your present look like1Its sitting there waiting for you.Are you going to open it today1It feels as if its your birthday every day of the year!I look at every day as a new opportunity. -aybe I cant con2uer the world today, but I can con2uer a piece of it.As soon as I open my eyes and my present every morning, I try to say a prayer and to be thankful. I say to myself, ",his is going to be a great day! -ake it a great one!#;ont get me wrong ) there are days where I wake up alone, scared, and worried what the day will bring.5ut I come back to that present and try to keep my mind-set positive.:emember, you are in control of your outlook on your day.>ou control your own destiny.=ow, at K oOclock I might be ready to take a nap, because Ive been go,go, go all day, but thats &'. After school lets out I am ready to spend the evening with my kids and put my work away, but during the day, I am the Energi8er 5unny and I am always on the movego.I feel that smiling is contagious, so I do it constantly and purposefully.Any time youre feeling down, if you can 3nd a reason for a good belly laugh, even if you have to fake it, your whole day just turns around.Its a proven fact that laughing puts you in a better mood./o does singingI your body releases endorphins when you sing.Its great to surround yourself as much as you can with the kinds of people who can keep you laughing and smiling.ere in the -idwest, the people are very friendly, and its nice to live in a community of smiling people.>ou can just walk down the street and say "i# to somebody and smile, and its contagious. Its not only you sprinkling on themI theyre going to sprinkle back.,ry it the ne$t time you walk down the street.+ive someone a compliment and watch her reaction.It might be just what she needed to hear today!And dont forget to accept compliments, too.NAY-SAYERS+GET RID OF THE2+Everybody comes into contact with negative people or negative situations, and inevitably youre going to run up against people who are trying to popchipping away at your balloon, wanting to pop it, wanting to let all the air out.Its very diAcult, because if you really look deep within yourself, youll have to acknowledge that there are some negative people in your inner circle who are not enhancing your life.It could be, and that can be someone as close as your mother.It could be your best friend.It could be your husband.It could be your children.>ou need to decide to bring positivity to your relationships, your business, and to the people around you %including strangers(.It is your responsibility, re2uirement, a daily task that must be accomplished. >ou really have to start listening to people and observing when you feellike someone is trying to pop your balloon. Its not always easy to recogni8e it when it happens, especially when the person is very close to you. It could be that he or she is telling you that an idea you had is bad, wanting to protect you. &r that you shouldnt spend money on something, because the economy is bad. It might just seem that they care about you and want to protect you. 5ut you have to know that negative opinions can hold you down,prevent you from jumping or moving forwardwith your bucket listin what you really want to do.As women, we tend to value the opinion of others too much..e get advice from our inner circles instead of trusting ourselves and following our hearts.Eet those opinions go, create your own opinions, and start climbing your mountaingo stand out on that cli0.:emember, Ive got your safety gear to get you to the topnet to catch you if you fall!>ou cant please anyone until you love yourself.2IND-SET-READY7SET9 GO1I think getting into this mindset is hard unless you are a visual person.Im not really into meditation %even though I do it from time to time( but Im very visual, and Im all about making the most out of every single situation that Im in./o ) lets say theres a long line at the grocery. Im just picking up milk and maybe the guy ahead of me has DB items in the DC-item line. I dont sweat the small stu0 %what a great self-help book :ichard 6arsons Don#t .weat the .mall .tuE is!( Its important to get to a place where the little things in life just dont matter.Instead of letting myself get all hu0y-pu0y about the things that frustrate me, Im more likely taketo be taking a big deep breath and sei8etaking in the momentI maybe sharing a smile with someone else, or reading an article in one of those cheesy tabloids youd never buy that they have at the cash register.,urn that moment into something positive, and enjoy a little guilty pleasureI nothing really bad, just a little something for you. Instead of fuming, I start to daydream, or maybe Ill get out my phone and te$t a friend.I havent actually changed the moment, but I have changed my mind-set. Every minute of my day counts.After all you only have BK hours in the day.-ake them count.%very successful erson has the same 8F hours in a day.Now it#s uto you to make the most of i//ometimes I have to have tough conversations with the people who work with me. .hen I feel that negative energy coming into my empirebuilding, I have a hard conversation with myself 3rst and then Ill say, "Its time for a change of mind-set.# >ou really do control your own mind-set. =o one makes you feel a certain way or controls how your day will go. >ou do. >ou can decide to control your mood.Its time to train your brain. Risuali8e how you want your day to be even before you get out of bed or before you leave for work. -y daughter makes fun of me all the time, but when the kids leave for the day I always say, "-ake it a great one.#,hats my mantra.,hey just laugh.5ut I really want you to make the most out of your day.I want you to make it a great one.I want you to sprinkle that positive attitude on everyone that you encounter.Even t,hose negative people you meet.1 ,hat sprinkle might be the moment that turns their day around. Sust be protective. Eife is too short, life is too fun ) why get bogged down in it1>eah, were going to have problems, sometimes big ones.>eah, there are going to be things that suck, but lets make the most of what we can in the moment.I really have learned how to be in the moment, now that Ive taken control ofover my life. Its hard as a planner to be in the moment, because my job needs me to be thinking three months from now, or a year from now, or a few hours from now.It re2uires me to stay mindful, because I need to be right here with the coaching client, but planning for the future of her business.,heres not a day that goes by when people dont ask me, "/o hows the wedding planning business1#,hey are shocked when I say, "It couldnt be better!,hings are moving and shaking around here!#,he look on their faces is priceless.As businesses are closing doors, and new doors are opening for me in the coaching realm, Im ama8ed that people are just givingup that easily..hy1;o they have the right mind-set every day before they put their foot on the ground1 ;o they unwrap that beautiful gift by their bedside every morning1,here are important things to recap from this chapter. 9irs, y>ouve gotto 3nd your energy and protect it.;o you 3nd yourself surrounded by negative people1Its time to change that.I pride myself on being the person people want to be around to lift their spirits, but Ive found I must be very careful with protecting my energy, because people can sense my energy abundanceits over4owing.,here are not only time-stealers in my life, but there also are energy stealers, too.,hey just cant wait to be aroundme so they can suck all that energy out of me. .e have to learn how to identify those people, use the pink balloon, and regain control over our own moods, our own days, and our own futures. It took me a long time to 3gure out what gives me energy and who gives or takes it.&nce I solved the mystery, I became very conscious of putting myself in that environment and placing the imaginary bubble around myself to keep all that energy to myself and for my clients.INFLUEN(ERS AND ENHAN(ERSIts really important that you understand who in4uences you the most, because, I hope, those are also the people whom you most admire. And its also important to analy8e what it is that makes you admire them, because that says a lot about you..hen things in your life are in line, I would venture to guess that there were people in your life who helped lead the wayI cheerleaders of sorts. Eets say one is your mother, who has always stood by you, supported you, and told you that you could do anything you wanted to do. I guarantee when you re4ect on times in your life when you were the happiest and most successful, she was right there, holding your hand..hat is it that you admire about her1our rocks need to complement you, not be you ) just like your employees.,hey say you only have a few seconds to make a 3rst impression, and its so true. .e as people swiftly decide whether we like others based on what they are wearing, how they do their makeup, what car they drive, and how they speak. 5ut there is a di0erence between evaluating if a person is right for you either personally or professionally.as a potential client, and judging them.I no longer judge potential clientspeople outside of this initial meeting. I might be able to tell that they are not a 'risten, but I dont know where theyve come from, or where they are going. If I take the time to communicate, really communicate, with the people I encounter, I 2uickly start to understand their history and lifeand appreciate them as a human beingfor who they really are. es, fat knees!.ho says that1.ell, this might seem silly to you, but I took that comment to heart, and DM years later Im still very self-conscious of my legs, especially my knees.ow cra8y is that1-y point is that we take comments about us to heartI we dont forget them.9orgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcu0s of hat.,he root of bitterness in our heart is only hurting you from growing as a woman.'eep on forgivingI forgive as many times as it takes.;ont get angryI instead, release it.=ow its time to let go and forgive those around us about the guilt and the words that may have been so hurtful at thetime.:elease it, "pink balloon# it.,ake this time to re4ect on comments people have made that might beholding you back.ow are they keeping you from moving forward1 I met a great lady, a manifesting coach from Australia, who spent an hour coaching me on forgiveness. +oing into the session, I thought I wanted to work on manifesting energy and wealth, but by the time I was 3nished with the session she had made me see that I was holding grudges against the people around me.,hose grudges were actually preventing me from attracting abundance, happiness and wealth./he encouraged me to make a list of the people that I felt anger or bitterness toward and then to recall the situation that had made me so angry.&nce I made the list, I had to go back through itand say out loud*"I forgive you!Im sorry and I love you!#Im still working on releasing those feelings.Im not going to lie, its a hard e$ercise. Im a very stubborn girl, but I reali8ed that all this frustrationXguiltXhate %whatever you want to call it( was really costing me freedom in my mind-set and actually has a0ected my bottom dollar..hen I added up all the wasted time I had spent being angry and frustrated with other people, it was ama8ing what a lot of wasted energy and money Id poured into it.=ow that Im working on releasing that guilt and frustration, I want you to do the same.(O(3TAIL BREA3-=ow its your turn.-ake a list and check it twice.:emember, no one is going to see it, so dont worry. ,ake out a piece of paper and your pencil./tart writing down all the people you need to forgive.It can as petty as the guy that told me I had fat knees.I dont care.5ut sit and think about this for at least BC-?C minutes..rite their names at the top %you can give them fake names if that helps you(.,hen, underneath their names, recall the situation that made you so angry.>ou dont have to be speci3cI remember this list is only for you.Sust start writing the list.:ecall childhood memories,recent memories, old relationships, etc. It doesnt even have to be a personI it can be a place or thing that you hate.Are you dependent on alcohol1 %I know I was.(.as it something your mother that said something that made you upset1;oes this certain place bring negative emotions in your life1 .rite all of those people, places and things on your list.=ow that you have spent some time getting it all out, you might need tocry.I know I did, big time.,ake a moment and come back to your list when you are ready.+o through each item on your list and say out loud* "I forgive you for aaaaaaaa.I am sorryaaaaaaaaaa.I love you aaaaaaaa.# ,his is not going to be easy, but feel the tension level in your body changing, once you have gone through the list.>ou might need to do this e$ercise several times to help you.Im still working on mine.,5ut I have to share with you the most ama8ing result that came out of this e$erciseI.iIt opened my heart up, my eyes, and my mind!It was freedom!=ow 3nd yours.I LO8E 2E1Its time to fall in love with yourself.As cra8y as that might seem, it works.,here isnt one human being that you can love who can love you more than you love yourself.+od instructed us to take the /abbath for 2uiet re4ection and not to feel guilty about it.,hat doesnt mean you have to do iton a /unday, or all day long, but it does mean you sprinkle in a little "me# time throughout the day.ou cannot live your fullest life unless you have learned to share your true gifts.If you dont know what they are orwhat youre supposed to share, you can feel lost. If you dont stop and listen in your 2uiet space %because you get busy in the rat race of daily life(, you will miss the whole purpose of your being here.I wasnt meant to be a wedding planner.,hat was just a stepping-stone for my ne$t step, my ne$t leap, which was to coach, to go back to the teaching.5ut I couldnt do that ifI werent a teacher from the beginningto begin with. AndI wouldnt have known how to be a coach without starting my own businesshaving become a wedding plannerI I had to walk the walk before I could teach.know what to teach, and to whom. And I am not going to stop there. I believe my purpose is still evolving, and I am still here listening, reaching out to help women 3nd their purpose and passion as a women-preneuuers. Its time to step into my spotlight, butit took me more than a "hot minute# to get there. Its time to brag about who you are as a person.I give you permissionto write down all the great things about you in your private journal.Its between us! ,his isnt easy to do. >ou have to dig into yourself much deeper than you have before.IAnd it can be tough to be stillI. It can be impossible to 2uiet your mind. If you meditate, or do es, a sabbaticalII just made it up.I announced to the world that I needed a break. "9rom what1# everyone asked me, as if it was perfectly normal to be in constant motion. I said, "9rom saying Tyes. #I found myself an accountability partner, and every time somebody would call me and say something like, "ey, ,onya, can you bake an e$tra do8en chocolate chip cookies for the soccer team1# I would say, "ou know the feeling when you spring-clean your homeI everything feels so fresh and new, it makes you happy to be there all over again.I created a space for e$citement to come back into my life by taking a break from volunteer work, and it allowed new opportunities to come in too. :emember, make a 2uick decision, dont fret over it, dont worry what others say or do, just be you!The ;uicker you get to the HN4# the faster you#ll ?nd the HY%.# inyour lif/.hen I started to say "no# and focused my energy on growing the business and growing my family, I reali8ed that I had spent a lot of time trying to be a people-pleaser versus pleasing myself, and the truth be told, I wasnt pleasing anyone. I was all over the social media at that time ) 9acebook, ,witter, >ou,ube ) and suddenly I wasnt just resented for focusing on my family and careernot following the norm. for stepping out of line, I was envied. ,he fact was that Id never felt that I was too good for themI I just chose to spend my time doing what I loved.5ut ,the women I was coaching felt they could connect with me, because that was e$actly what they were going through. I could become an accountability partner to them. Iwas giving other women permission to take back their own free time and spend it in a way that was good for them.ou might think I would have learned my lesson by watching her overload her schedule that year, but I didnt.I made the same mistake.Its important for you to be aware of the volunteer trap and make a conscious e0ort where you want to spend your free time.;ont be like me and never have a free moment to stop and smell the roses.I don#t care if it#s good or bad 9 at least they#re talking/TI2E TO E8ALUATE THE (ALENDAR-y biggest challenge is time.Im always @-DC minutes late.I try to do too much in atoo short amount of time.I always think I can get one more thing in before the ne$t appointment. .rong!Eets e$plore how to take control of your calendar before it takes over you.-y current coach looks at my calendar every month %its in pencil, by the way(, and hell say, "Is that making you money1Is that networking lunch going to make you money1=o.Is that bake sale going to make your kids happy1=o.,hen why are you doing it1#.hen we analy8e my calendar, its not just about looking at the money-based strategiesI its also about making sure I am 3lling all of my buckets. -y time is so precious and so is yours.I need to be focused and present when I get to spend time with my kids. I need to be able to really listen when I am with my best friend. I want to be available and open when my mom wants to come visit.Im not standing there with my computer open, like I used to be.It was a major mind shift for me.-y daughter wrote a book about our family, and one of the 3rst pictures in there was me sitting in front of my computer working. I said, "Is that what you think -ommy does all day1#I would have liked a picture of us playing in the backyard together, eating ice cream, but that wasnt what she saw. ,hat hurt.'ids just tell you the way it is. ,he picture,hat was very painful, but it was also very eye opening, because it made me see what I was missing. I knew I wanted to change that picture, create new memories for the two of us.It was my new mission in life. Sust recently, I took hermy middle child, 'endra, to =ew >ork 6ity for her ninth birthday.After a cra8y ?L hours in ,imes /2uare, she looked at me and said, ".e came, we con2uered, memories were made.#=ow, that makes me smile!Eli ;avidsons book 7unky to 7abulous reminded me of a key point when it comes to my analy8ing my calendar./he says you need to be in control of what she calls the "shoulds# in your life. ,hat is what volunteerism can beI someone saying, ">ou are good at this.>, you should plan the dance. >ou are the mother of threeI, you should really be involved in the ou want to be a good neighbor, you should be a part of our homeowners association.# ;avidson says to never let anyone "should# on you.# I loved reading this because it was another A-A!moment.I was up to my ears in other peoples "shoulds.#;ont let the false guilt control your life.,ake backyour calendar and decide what your should be doing..hen you look at your calendar, what are you really 3lling it up with1 Isit what you love1 Is it leading you toward where you want to be in your life1 &r is it covered in "shoulds#1:emember to go back to your ?$@ notecard.;oes it enhance your personal mantra1ORGANIJED (HAOS,here are many online tools that can assist you in your cra8y life.es, technology is a wonderful thing, if you keep up with it and trust it.9ind the best way for you to organi8e your calendar.,his is the lifeline to balance in your life.;ont even begin to look at this months already-tired schedule.5egin by turning the page and looking at ne$t months time.>es, skip ahead.,he 3rst thing is to enter yours that must be entered are the standing appointments.Im not talking about networking eventsI Im talking about cheer practice for the girls every ,uesday evening, dentist appointments, etc.,hese are things you cannot really control and you should prioriti8e. =e$t, I 3nd it e$tremely helpful to provide a routine for myself with my professional obligations. I like to designate certain days of the week for particular tasks. It helps my family know what to e$pect from me, and it keeps me focused on speci3c elements of my business. It keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. ere is an e$ample of my typical week. 9inancial ;ay %personal and professional( -&=;A>6lient -eeting ;ay ,HE/;A> %