Domestic Violence. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic violence, or battering, is a pattern of abusive behaviors that some individuals use to control

Domestic ViolenceDomestic Violence

WHAT IS DOMESTIC WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence, or battering, is a pattern of Domestic violence, or battering, is a pattern of abusive behaviors that some individuals use to abusive behaviors that some individuals use to control their intimate partners. Domestic control their intimate partners. Domestic Violence is any type of violence, abuse, or Violence is any type of violence, abuse, or threat of violence that one partner in a threat of violence that one partner in a relationship commits against another. It relationship commits against another. It includes physical, sexual, emotional, includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. Domestic psychological, and verbal abuse. Domestic violence is a serious problem that has been violence is a serious problem that has been happening for centuries. happening for centuries.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?VIOLENCE?

Domestic Violence involves a continuum of Domestic Violence involves a continuum of behaviors. Examples include punches, kicks, behaviors. Examples include punches, kicks, slaps, hits, shoves, forcing partner to perform slaps, hits, shoves, forcing partner to perform degrading tasks, using degrading remarks, degrading tasks, using degrading remarks, sexual assault, rape, and any other tactics used sexual assault, rape, and any other tactics used to establish power and control over a partner. to establish power and control over a partner. Domestic Violence can occur in any Domestic Violence can occur in any relationship, married or unmarried, relationship, married or unmarried, homosexual or heterosexual. homosexual or heterosexual.

Does your partner ever... Does your partner ever...

Hit, kick, shove, or Hit, kick, shove, or injure you? injure you?

Use weapons/objects Use weapons/objects against you or threaten against you or threaten to? to?

Force or coerce you to Force or coerce you to engage in unwanted engage in unwanted sexual acts? sexual acts?

Control what you do Control what you do and who you see in a and who you see in a way that interferes with way that interferes with your work, education or your work, education or other personal other personal activities? activities?

Steal or destroy your Steal or destroy your belongings? belongings?

Does your partner ever... Does your partner ever...

Constantly criticize you, call you names or put Constantly criticize you, call you names or put you down?you down?

Make you feel afraid? Make you feel afraid?

Deny your basic needs such as food, housing, Deny your basic needs such as food, housing, clothing, or medical and physical assistance? clothing, or medical and physical assistance?

If you answered "yes" to any of If you answered "yes" to any of the above, it may be time to think the above, it may be time to think

about your safety.about your safety.

STATISTICSSTATISTICS

95% of the victims are female.95-98% of the 95% of the victims are female.95-98% of the perpetrators are male.perpetrators are male.

Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten, raped, or killed.Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten, raped, or killed.

Domestic violence occurs among all racial, ethnic, Domestic violence occurs among all racial, ethnic, religious, and socioeconomic groups. religious, and socioeconomic groups.

Battering is the largest single major cause of injury to Battering is the largest single major cause of injury to women.women.


Everyday, 4 women are murdered at the hands of an intimate Everyday, 4 women are murdered at the hands of an intimate partner.partner.

About 2 - 4 million American women are battered each year About 2 - 4 million American women are battered each year by their partners.by their partners.

Women are at a 75% greater risk of being killed after they Women are at a 75% greater risk of being killed after they leave their partners.leave their partners.

About 1/3 of female homicide victims are killed by their About 1/3 of female homicide victims are killed by their partners.partners.


Boys who have witnessed abuse of their Boys who have witnessed abuse of their mothers are twice as likely to abuse their mothers are twice as likely to abuse their female partners and children as adults.female partners and children as adults.

Children who witness domestic violence are Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to commit sexual assault crimes.more likely to commit sexual assault crimes.

Between 3 and 10 million American children Between 3 and 10 million American children witness domestic violence each year.witness domestic violence each year.


Children of abused mothers are more likely to attempt Children of abused mothers are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, and engage in teenage prostitution.•home, and engage in teenage prostitution.•

In a 1992 study, 63% of imprisoned kids between In a 1992 study, 63% of imprisoned kids between ages 11 – 20 were doing time for killing their ages 11 – 20 were doing time for killing their mother’s batterer.mother’s batterer.

Domestic Violence in Alabama 2006

MYTHS AND FACTSMYTHS AND FACTS

MYTH: MYTH: Domestic violence is a "loss of Domestic violence is a "loss of control.control.

""FACT: FACT: Violent behavior is a choice. Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control. Their their control, not losing their control. Their actions are very deliberate.actions are very deliberate.


MYTH: MYTH: The victim is responsible for the The victim is responsible for the violence because she provokes it.violence because she provokes it.

FACT: FACT: No one asks to be abused. And no one No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do.say or do.


MYTH: MYTH: If the victim didn't like it, she would If the victim didn't like it, she would leave.leave.

FACT: FACT: Victims do not like the abuse. They Victims do not like the abuse. They stay in the relationship for many reasons, stay in the relationship for many reasons, including fear. Most do eventually leave.including fear. Most do eventually leave.


MYTH: MYTH: Domestic violence only occurs in a Domestic violence only occurs in a small percentage of relationships. small percentage of relationships.

FACT: FACT: Estimates report that domestic Estimates report that domestic violence occurs in ¼ to ⅓ of all intimate violence occurs in ¼ to ⅓ of all intimate relationships. This applies to heterosexual as relationships. This applies to heterosexual as well as same-sex relationships. well as same-sex relationships.


MYTH: MYTH: Middle and upper class women do not Middle and upper class women do not get battered as frequently as poor women.get battered as frequently as poor women.

FACT: FACT: Domestic violence occurs in all socio-Domestic violence occurs in all socio-economical levels. Because women with economical levels. Because women with money usually have more access to resources, money usually have more access to resources, poorer women tend to utilize community poorer women tend to utilize community agencies, and are therefore more visible.agencies, and are therefore more visible.


MYTH: MYTH: Batterers are violent in all their Batterers are violent in all their relationshipsrelationships

FACT: FACT: Batterers choose to be violent toward Batterers choose to be violent toward their partners in ways they would never their partners in ways they would never consider treating other people. consider treating other people.


MYTH: MYTH: Alcohol/Drugs cause battering Alcohol/Drugs cause battering behavior.behavior.

FACT: FACT: Although many abusive partners also Although many abusive partners also abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the underlying cause of the battering. Many underlying cause of the battering. Many batterers use alcohol/drugs as an excuse to batterers use alcohol/drugs as an excuse to explain their violence.explain their violence.

UNDERLYING CAUSESUNDERLYING CAUSES

It is no coincidence that an overwhelming majority of It is no coincidence that an overwhelming majority of the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault are women and children. At the root of these crimes are women and children. At the root of these crimes lies a society in which patriarchy determines the lies a society in which patriarchy determines the worth of human beings. John Gottman and Neil worth of human beings. John Gottman and Neil Jacobson, in their 1998 book titled Jacobson, in their 1998 book titled When Men Batter When Men Batter WomenWomen report that "battering, and the values report that "battering, and the values supporting it, cannot be understood apart from other supporting it, cannot be understood apart from other aspects of the culture that sanction male superiority." aspects of the culture that sanction male superiority."


Traditional gender based roles in our society Traditional gender based roles in our society place men in positions of power over women place men in positions of power over women in most all arenas (family, work, religion, in most all arenas (family, work, religion, recreation, etc.). recreation, etc.).


Often, through the media and other forms of Often, through the media and other forms of socialization, we encourage using violence as socialization, we encourage using violence as a means of gaining power and control. We a means of gaining power and control. We place the most value on those individuals with place the most value on those individuals with the most power and control. Because this the most power and control. Because this foundation is set in our society, our belief foundation is set in our society, our belief systems are affected. systems are affected.


For example, many batterers believe the following For example, many batterers believe the following statements to be true: statements to be true:

(a) "Sometimes I have the right to use violence to get (a) "Sometimes I have the right to use violence to get my way." my way."

(b) "Men are supposed to be the head of the (b) "Men are supposed to be the head of the household."household."

(c) "Women should do what they're told."(c) "Women should do what they're told."


However, men are not the only ones in our However, men are not the only ones in our society who use violence. Women and society who use violence. Women and children are becoming more violent as well, children are becoming more violent as well, oftentimes responding to acts of violence with oftentimes responding to acts of violence with violence. Many factors, such as alcohol and violence. Many factors, such as alcohol and drug use and poverty, contribute to a growing drug use and poverty, contribute to a growing use of violence. use of violence.

WARNING SIGNS WARNING SIGNS

Many of the signs women are taught to Interpret as Many of the signs women are taught to Interpret as caring, attentive, and romantic are actually early caring, attentive, and romantic are actually early warning signs for future abuse. Some examples warning signs for future abuse. Some examples Include:Include:

INTRUSION:INTRUSION: Constantly asks you where you are Constantly asks you where you are going, who you are with, etc. going, who you are with, etc.

ISOLATION: ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of Insists that you spend all or most of your time together, cutting you off from friends and your time together, cutting you off from friends and family. family.

WARNING SIGNS WARNING SIGNS POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY:POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of Accuses you of

flirting/having sexual relationships with others; flirting/having sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up.monitors your clothing/make-up.

NEED FOR CONTROL: NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger Displays extreme anger when things do not go his way; attempts to make all when things do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions. of your decisions.

UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: WOMEN: Secretive about past relationships; refers Secretive about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks, etc.to women with negative remarks, etc.

MORE WARNING SIGNS MORE WARNING SIGNS 1. Was or is abused by a parent. 1. Was or is abused by a parent.

2. Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another 2. Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult. adult.

3. Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly – 3. Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly – saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, wanting to saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or pressuring partner for a serious commitment. pressuring partner for a serious commitment.

4. Comes on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly 4. Comes on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker. smooth talker.

MORE WARNING SIGNSMORE WARNING SIGNS 5. Is extremely jealous. 5. Is extremely jealous.

6. Isolates partner from support systems – wants partner all to 6. Isolates partner from support systems – wants partner all to themselves, and tries to keep partner from friends, family or themselves, and tries to keep partner from friends, family or outside activities. outside activities.

7. Attempts to control what partner wears, what she/he does 7. Attempts to control what partner wears, what she/he does or who she/he sees. or who she/he sees.

8. Is abusive toward other people, especially mother or sisters 8. Is abusive toward other people, especially mother or sisters if he is a male. if he is a male.

9. Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures.9. Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures.

MORE WARNING SIGNSMORE WARNING SIGNS 10. Has unrealistic expectations, like expecting partner to 10. Has unrealistic expectations, like expecting partner to

meet all of ones needs and be the perfect partner. meet all of ones needs and be the perfect partner.

11. Is overly sensitive – acts ‘hurt’ when not getting one’s 11. Is overly sensitive – acts ‘hurt’ when not getting one’s way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part of life. of life.

12. Has ever been cruel to animals. 12. Has ever been cruel to animals.

13. Has ever abused children. 13. Has ever abused children.

14. Has ever hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past.14. Has ever hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past.

MORE WARNING SIGNSMORE WARNING SIGNS 15. Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious 15. Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious

threat. threat.

16. Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at 16. Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at him/her. him/her.

17. Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being 17. Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger. very nice to exploding in anger.

18. If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should 18. If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them. obey them.

19. Is intimidating, for example using threatening body 19. Is intimidating, for example using threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects.language, punching walls or breaking objects.

PROGRESSION OF ABUSEPROGRESSION OF ABUSE

Domestic violence usually starts small and Domestic violence usually starts small and becomes more severe and frequent over time. becomes more severe and frequent over time. Many times it progresses through the Many times it progresses through the following stages:following stages:

1. 1. Pre-battering violencePre-battering violence Hitting or breaking Hitting or breaking objects, threats of violence, verbal abuse.objects, threats of violence, verbal abuse.

PROGRESSION OF ABUSEPROGRESSION OF ABUSE

2. 2. Beginning level violence Beginning level violence Pushing, Pushing, restraining, blocking doorways, holding down, restraining, blocking doorways, holding down, shaking.shaking.

3. 3. Moderate level violence Moderate level violence Slapping, Slapping, punching, kicking, pulling hair, spanking.punching, kicking, pulling hair, spanking.

4. 4. Severe level violenceSevere level violence Choking, beating with Choking, beating with objects, use/threat of weapons, sexual abuse.objects, use/threat of weapons, sexual abuse.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLISTCHECKLIST

Do you have to get permission to socialize with your Do you have to get permission to socialize with your friends?friends?

Are you accused of cheating on him when you leave Are you accused of cheating on him when you leave the house to do errands, etc.?the house to do errands, etc.?

Are you afraid to talk about certain topics unless he's Are you afraid to talk about certain topics unless he's in a good mood?in a good mood?

Does he have control over the money and monitor Does he have control over the money and monitor your spending?your spending?

Does he tell you no one else would ever want you?Does he tell you no one else would ever want you?


Does he threaten to harm himself if you leave him?Does he threaten to harm himself if you leave him? Does he go through your purse or open your mail?Does he go through your purse or open your mail? Does he make disparaging remarks about the way you Does he make disparaging remarks about the way you

look or dress?look or dress? Does he use things against you that you've confided Does he use things against you that you've confided

to him in the past?to him in the past? Does he sabotage your efforts to be involved in Does he sabotage your efforts to be involved in

pleasant social or family events?pleasant social or family events?


Does he compare you negatively to other Does he compare you negatively to other women?women?

Are you nervous about being on the phone Are you nervous about being on the phone when he is around?when he is around?

Is it okay to return home later than scheduled Is it okay to return home later than scheduled without being fearful?without being fearful?

Does it feel more like you have a dad than a Does it feel more like you have a dad than a partner?partner?

Does he give you the 'silent treatment' when Does he give you the 'silent treatment' when you want to talk or work things out?you want to talk or work things out?


Does he try to turn the children against you?Does he try to turn the children against you? Do you feel manipulated by his kindness or Do you feel manipulated by his kindness or

gifts?gifts? Do you feel obligated to be sexual with your Do you feel obligated to be sexual with your

partner?partner? Are your activities and interests looked upon Are your activities and interests looked upon

as unimportant and trivial?as unimportant and trivial? Does he sabotage your schedule and outside Does he sabotage your schedule and outside

commitments?commitments?

BARRIERS TO LEAVING BARRIERS TO LEAVING

Many victims find it difficult to leave their Many victims find it difficult to leave their batterers despite continued and often severe batterers despite continued and often severe abuse. Some barriers include:abuse. Some barriers include:

financial dependencefinancial dependence

religious/family pressuresreligious/family pressures


fear of being alonefear of being alone

fear of increased violencefear of increased violence

loyalty to the marriageloyalty to the marriage

denialdenial


internalization of the abuser's words ("I internalization of the abuser's words ("I deserve the abuse")deserve the abuse")

lovelove

shameshame

the belief that it will get betterthe belief that it will get better

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS BEING ABUSEDBEING ABUSED

What to do...What to do...

Do not confront the abuser. Do not confront the abuser.

When speaking to the victim, assure her that When speaking to the victim, assure her that she is not the cause of the violence.she is not the cause of the violence.

Be prepared for her to minimize or deny the Be prepared for her to minimize or deny the abuse.abuse.

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS BEING ABUSEDBEING ABUSED

What to do...What to do...

Help her identify her own strengths and Help her identify her own strengths and possible resources.possible resources.

If she is living with her abuser and chooses to If she is living with her abuser and chooses to leave, discuss a safety plan if there is advanced leave, discuss a safety plan if there is advanced time.time.

PLANNING FOR SAFETYPLANNING FOR SAFETY

Without help, domestic violence often continues to get Without help, domestic violence often continues to get more severe over time. It can sometimes become more severe over time. It can sometimes become deadly. To increase your safety:deadly. To increase your safety:

Tell others you trust such as friends, family, Tell others you trust such as friends, family, neighbors and co-workers, what is happening and talk neighbors and co-workers, what is happening and talk about ways they might be able to help.about ways they might be able to help.

Memorize emergency numbers for the local police Memorize emergency numbers for the local police (such as 911), support persons and crisis hotlines.(such as 911), support persons and crisis hotlines.


Put together an emergency bag with money/ Put together an emergency bag with money/ checkbooks, extra car keys, medicine, and important checkbooks, extra car keys, medicine, and important papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, immigration documents, and medical cards. Keep it immigration documents, and medical cards. Keep it somewhere safe and accessible, such as with a trusted somewhere safe and accessible, such as with a trusted friend.Trust your instincts. friend.Trust your instincts.

If you think you are in immediate danger, you If you think you are in immediate danger, you probably are. Get to a safe place as soon as you can.probably are. Get to a safe place as soon as you can.


Identify escape routes and places to go if you Identify escape routes and places to go if you need to flee from an unsafe situation quickly.need to flee from an unsafe situation quickly.

Talk with your children about what they Talk with your children about what they should do if a violent incident occurs or if the should do if a violent incident occurs or if the are afraid.are afraid.

DATING VIOLENCEDATING VIOLENCE

WHAT IS DATING VIOLENCE?WHAT IS DATING VIOLENCE?

Dating Violence consists of verbal, emotional, Dating Violence consists of verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one psychological, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one person by another in a dating relationship. It person by another in a dating relationship. It includes...includes...

Degrading remarks and jokes.Degrading remarks and jokes. Threats.Threats. Punches, kicks, and slaps.Punches, kicks, and slaps. Restraining, choking, and suffocating.Restraining, choking, and suffocating. Sexual abuse.Sexual abuse.



1 in 3 teens experience violence in their dating 1 in 3 teens experience violence in their dating relationship.relationship.

95% of the victims are female.95% of the victims are female. 95% of the perpetrators are male.95% of the perpetrators are male. Dating violence occurs among all races, Dating violence occurs among all races,

religions, classes, etc.religions, classes, etc.


Be cautious of guys who seem intrusive, Be cautious of guys who seem intrusive, controlling, possessive, and/or fall in love too controlling, possessive, and/or fall in love too fast. Remember, jealousy is not a sign of fast. Remember, jealousy is not a sign of love. Cruelty to animals is often a warning love. Cruelty to animals is often a warning sign for dating violence.sign for dating violence.

BILL OF RIGHTSBILL OF RIGHTS

You have the right to be you. You have the right to be you. You have the right to put yourself first. You have the right to put yourself first. You have the right to be safe. You have the right to be safe. You have the right to love and be loved. You have the right to love and be loved. You have the right to be treated with respect. You have the right to be treated with respect. You have the right to be human - NOT You have the right to be human - NOT

PERFECT.PERFECT.


You have the right to be angry and protest if you are You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone. treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.

You have the right to your own privacy. You have the right to your own privacy. You have the right to your own opinions, to express You have the right to your own opinions, to express

them, and to be taken seriously. them, and to be taken seriously. You have the right to earn and control your own You have the right to earn and control your own

money. money. You have the right to ask questions about anything You have the right to ask questions about anything

that affects your life. that affects your life. You have the right to make decisions that affect you.You have the right to make decisions that affect you.


You have the right to grow and change (and that You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind). includes changing your mind).

You have the right to say NO. You have the right to say NO. You have the right to make mistakes. You have the right to make mistakes. You have the right NOT to be responsible for other You have the right NOT to be responsible for other

adults’ problems. adults’ problems. You have the right not to be liked by everyone. You have the right not to be liked by everyone. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR

OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPSHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

You need and deserve at least a few people in You need and deserve at least a few people in your life with which you have healthy your life with which you have healthy relationships, people whom:relationships, people whom:

☼☼You like, respect, and trust, and who like, You like, respect, and trust, and who like, respect and trust you. respect and trust you.

☼☼Make you feel good about yourself.Make you feel good about yourself. ☼☼Listen to you without sharing personal Listen to you without sharing personal

information about you with others.information about you with others.


☼☼You can tell anything. You can tell anything.

☼☼Allow you to talk freely and express your Allow you to talk freely and express your feelings and emotions without judging you, feelings and emotions without judging you, criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down. down.


☼☼Give you good advice when you want and Give you good advice when you want and ask for it, and who will work with you to ask for it, and who will work with you to figure out what to do next in difficult figure out what to do next in difficult situations. situations.

☼☼Allow you the space to change, grow, make Allow you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and make mistakes. decisions, and make mistakes.

☼☼Accept you as you.Accept you as you.

AssignmentAssignment

Please write a minimum two page essay Please write a minimum two page essay detailing everything you have learned and/or detailing everything you have learned and/or know about Domestic Violence.know about Domestic Violence.

Documents

Domestic Violence. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic violence, or battering, is a pattern of abusive behaviors that some individuals use to control