“Do you make websites?”

And 14 other ridiculous things clients say or do that make website developers crazy!

We're not making this stuff up – well, not totally making this stuff up, 90% is grounded in reality.

Philip Van Drunen

Clients say the darndest things.

Not actual quotes – but pretty darn close.

Internet Access

“My website is down! I can't open my site or get my email, I think Google might be down too!”

Hosting

“I don't want to pay for hosting, can I host the website on my own computer?”

Branding

“My friend made my logo, she knows Photoshop.”

“I had my logo made by Vista Print. Can't you just scan it off my business card?”

Image Formats

“Can I send it to you in format?”

Design

“Can you make my site look like this other site?”

“ . . . seriously, I want it to look EXACTLY like this other site.”

Flash

“On the front page of the site can we have all of the words start swirling in like a tornado, and then have it explode with a fireball? Then the logo should zoom in from the back – and it should have music too.”

Resolution

“I have a 10 Mega Byte camera, is that good enough quality to put on my website?”

Screen Size

“I bought a new computer and it made my website smaller – can you my website so it fits my screen again?”

Content Editing

“My son learned HTML in school, can you just give him the passwords so that he can make the changes?”

Content

“If I fax this picture to you, can you just scan it and put it on my website?”

Computer Repair

“Do you guys fix computers?”

Solution:

MEMOTo:

Client

From:

Your Friendly Neighborhood Website Developer

Modern Computers

Dear client,

Please be advised that following are unacceptable for use as a primary work computer:

Anything running Windows 3.1, 95, 98, Me Tandy (Radio Shack Computer) AlphaSmart Word Processor

Modern Browser

Dear client,

Please be advised that the following are unacceptable for use as an Internet Browser:

Internet Explorer 3.0 - 6.0 Netscape Navigator Cyberdog NetCruiser AOL Anything

Internet AccessDear client,

Please be advised that dial-up is an unacceptable form of Internet access. Here are a few respectable alternatives:

DSL Cable Internet ISDN T1, T2 or T3

Other things that piss us off:

When Clients poke their fingers into your 23 inch cinema display (mostly Brent)

Clients who expect you to write the content for their website

Comic Sans and Papyrus Cheap Godaddy Hosting (Domain registration is fine) When people type their web address into the search box

Clients who use all caps in their emails and site content Obnoxious Animated Gif's Clients who don't check their own email When clients ask you to copy the content off of other

websites with similar content. Client who ask, “So when is my website going to be at the

top of Google”. (This after explaining SEO in great detail to them)

BS SEO companies that tell my clients they can get them on the top of Google listings.

Other things that piss us off: