Do Now: Do Now: Eliminate Eliminate the unnecessary words the unnecessary words in the in the following sentences. The number in parentheses following sentences. The number in parentheses is a suggested maximum number of words for is a suggested maximum number of words for each sentence.each sentence. 1.1. It seems that after many years of study and It seems that after many years of study and

then years of writing, Adam Smith published a then years of writing, Adam Smith published a book that was called book that was called The Wealth of Nations. The Wealth of Nations. (14)(14)

22. This lengthy, protracted book had in the . This lengthy, protracted book had in the neighborhood of a thousand pages, and those neighborhood of a thousand pages, and those pages included a sixty-three-page index. pages included a sixty-three-page index. (12)(12)

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences?sentences?

……run a pen through run a pen through every other word you every other word you have written; you have have written; you have no idea what vigor it no idea what vigor it will give your style…will give your style…

Sydney Smith, Sydney Smith, English writerEnglish writer

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences?sentences?

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

1.1. Eliminate redundancies.Eliminate redundancies.– Twenty-something’s are often Twenty-something’s are often thought thought

of or stereotyped asof or stereotyped as apathetic even apathetic even though many are active in political and though many are active in political and service groups.service groups.

– Joel was determined in his mind to lose Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight. weight.

– Daniel is now employed at a doctor’s office Daniel is now employed at a doctor’s office working as a therapist.working as a therapist.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

2.2. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words. – Our fifth patient, in room six, is a Our fifth patient, in room six, is a

mentally ill patient. mentally ill patient. – The best teachers help each student The best teachers help each student

to become a better student both to become a better student both academically and emotionally.academically and emotionally.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

3.3. Cut empty or inflated phrases. Cut empty or inflated phrases. – In my opinionIn my opinion, our current immigration , our current immigration

policy is misguided.policy is misguided.– It seems that It seems that Harry Potter and the Half-Harry Potter and the Half-

Blood Prince Blood Prince is Rowling’s darkest novel.is Rowling’s darkest novel.– We will file the appropriate papers in the We will file the appropriate papers in the

event that we are unable to meet the event that we are unable to meet the deadline.deadline.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

4.4. Simplify the structureSimplify the structure– The financial analyst claimed that because of The financial analyst claimed that because of

volatile market conditions she could not volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future make an estimate of the company’s future profit.profit.

– Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel, contract balancing the budgets for travel, contract services, and personnel.services, and personnel.

– It is imperative that all police officers follow It is imperative that all police officers follow strict procedures when apprehending a strict procedures when apprehending a suspect. suspect.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

5.5. Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single wordsto single words– We took a side trip to Monticello, We took a side trip to Monticello,

which waswhich was the home of Thomas the home of Thomas Jefferson.Jefferson.

– For her birthday we gave Jess a For her birthday we gave Jess a stylish vest made of silk.stylish vest made of silk.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?• Smith believed that there are certain basic, Smith believed that there are certain basic,

essential economic laws in existence and that essential economic laws in existence and that these laws work to the benefit of everyone if these laws work to the benefit of everyone if people "let the market alone." (people "let the market alone." (1717))

• He believed that something along the lines of an He believed that something along the lines of an "invisible hand" guides economics. ("invisible hand" guides economics. (1010) )

• The first basic, important, essential law that governs the field of economics is self-interest. (5, but can you do it in 3?)

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

– economyeconomy achieved by achieved by expressing a great expressing a great deal in just a few deal in just a few words words –Getting the most Getting the most

out of every out of every word!word!

1.1. Eliminate Eliminate redundanciesredundancies

2.2. AvoidAvoid repetition repetition3.3. CutCut empty phrases empty phrases4.4. Simplify Simplify structurestructure5.5. ReduceReduce clauses and clauses and

phrasesphrases

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

Jonathan SwiftJonathan Swift

Proper Proper words in words in proper proper

places…places…

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

• Turn to Turn to Exercise 16-1, page Exercise 16-1, page 211211..

• On a separate sheet of On a separate sheet of paper, paper, rewrite sentences 1-rewrite sentences 1-55, editing for wordiness., editing for wordiness.

• Each tableEach table must submit must submit their sentences. their sentences.

1.1. Seeing the barrels, the driver slammed on the Seeing the barrels, the driver slammed on the brakes.brakes.

2.2. A well-stocked bookshelf should have classical A well-stocked bookshelf should have classical literature and important modern works.literature and important modern works.

3.3. China’s huge work population affects high-tech China’s huge work population affects high-tech manufacturing globally.manufacturing globally.

4.4. A typical autocross course consists of at least two A typical autocross course consists of at least two straight-aways, numerous slaloms, and several straight-aways, numerous slaloms, and several sharp turns.sharp turns.

5.5. Mehrdad always had cantaloupe, lemon yogurt, Mehrdad always had cantaloupe, lemon yogurt, and black coffee for breakfast.and black coffee for breakfast.

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

Aim: How do you tighten Aim: How do you tighten wordywordy sentences? sentences?

• ““A writer wastes nothing.” A writer wastes nothing.” –F. Scott FitzgeraldF. Scott Fitzgerald

““Concision is honesty, honesty concision—that’s one Concision is honesty, honesty concision—that’s one thing you need to know.”thing you need to know.”

– John SimonJohn Simon

• ““Epigrams succeed where epics fail.” Epigrams succeed where epics fail.” –Persian proverbPersian proverb