Divorce Sessions

8/18/2019 Divorce Sessions

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Families Ministries Workshop: Divorce

Contents

Divorce Support Group for Extended Family Members......................................................

Session !: "ellin# $ur Stories...................................................................................%

Session : &amin# $ur 'urts....................................................................................(

Session ): Dealin# *ith Feelin#s..............................................................................!!

Session +: ,ein# Supportive....................................................................................!+

Session %: -elebration..........................................................................................!

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada !

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Divorce Support Group for Extended Family Members

The purpose of this resource/group is to

• provide a safe place for people to tell their stories

• explore issues related to divorce and its conse4uent feelin#s0realities for extended family

members• help people make informed decisions #rounded in their specific context

• build community and nurture relationships *ith one another and *ith God

"his resource is intended to be used for more than one session5 but you can also compile asin#le one from various parts of the five offered5 tryin# to be attentive to the needs of theparticipants.

Keys to facilitating group study and discussion

• -reate an environment in *hich people are safe to share.

•

-reate a sacred space that honours God2s presence in and amon# the participants.• En#a#e participants.

Many members of faith communities lon# for a space *here they can reflect and feel safe. "heydesire a faith 6ourney that helps them stay connected to *hat really matters and they areseekin# *ays to make a difference in the *orld.

Gatherin# in small #roups for discussion and support can help to meet some of these needs if *eare intentional about creatin# sacred spaces *here each person is kno*n by name and valued.Make time for check in and introductions at each session.

At each meeting

Welcome

Welcome each person as they arrive7if possible5 by name. 8f people are ne* to one anotherhave name ta#s that can be read from across the room. When all participants have arrived*elcome the #roup and share the purpose of the session.

Opening

"o be#in the session5 li#ht a scent9free candle symboliin# God2s presence. "he facilitator mayalso *ish to say a brief prayer of #ratitude for this opportunity to #ather to#ether.

Check-in

8t is important to provide a safe5 *elcomin# space for all participants. ; time for each person to

share ho* his or her day has #one or anythin# they have thou#ht of since you last met buildscommunity5 honours the uni4ueness of each person5 and ackno*led#es that they may be comin#*ith issues that need to be named before they can be fully present *ith the #roup. Make surethere is time for everyone to share5 but also make it optional. While each participant speaks5there should be no comments from the rest of the #roup. For talkative #roups5 usin# a talkin#stick or stone can be helpful. $nly the person *ith the stick or stone speaks.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada


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• 'avin# refreshments available *hen people arrive can provide an informal #atherin# timeand #ives people *ho arrive early somethin# to do.

• -reatin# a *orship centre for the #roup is important.

• Arovide participants *ith a folder for handouts5 *ith an overvie* of the six sessions and

some blank paper for 6ournallin#.• 8t is important in the first session to set #roup norms.

• 8t is al*ays a privile#e to share in others2 6ourneys and to hear people2s stories. 'onourthis sharin# time as holy time.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada +


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Session 1: Telling Our Stories

Theme ,uildin# community5 settin# #roup norms5 tellin# our stories

8n this session you *ill need:

• candle =unscented?

• cloth for a *orship centre• teali#hts if you use that option for people checkin# in

• folders *ith any handouts

• pens0markers0crayons

• flip9chart paper =to record #roup norms?

Welcome !" minutes#

"ake time to *elcome each person5 provide name ta#s if people don2t kno* one another5 andprovide time for a brief introduction.

Give each participant the folder you have prepared *ith an outline of the six sessions and thehandouts5 if any5 for this session.

Opening !" minutes#

1i#ht a candle remindin# all that *e #ather in God2s presence. ; brief prayer of #ratitude forthis time to#ether mi#ht be offered.

Check-in !$% minutes#

Arovide intentional time for people to check in.

Centring !&% minutes#

8nvite people to take a fe* moments to be still5 to rest themselves in their chairs5 to plant theirfeet firmly on the #round5 and to focus on each breath.

Share that the meanin# of the *ord Cconspire is Cto breathe *ith. God conspires *ith us5lon#in# for us to kno* fullness of life5 life abundant =>ohn !:(?.

Encoura#e the participants to:

• ,reathe deeply of God2s love.

• no* God2s love in each breath taken in. no* God2s love abidin# deep *ithin.


• no* God2s love in each breath expelled. no* God2s love abidin# amon# us.


$r use one of the biblical family stories from the ,ible study =Family Ministry Kit 2!$ mailedto all con#re#ations in %?.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada %


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Focus/discussion/conversation !'% minutes#

Group norms !&% minutes#

;s this is the first session it is important to set #roup norms. Encoura#e people to think about*hat they mi#ht *ant from one another durin# this time to#ether5 such as

• honourin# people2s commitment by startin# and endin# on time• bein# informed if someone is not #oin# to be present

• maintainin# confidentiality

• havin# refreshments

• creatin# a *orship centre

8t mi#ht be helpful to have someone record the #roup norms and copy them for each participantfor the next session.

Telling our stories !"% minutes#

8n the act of tellin# and listenin#5 a *ay opens bet*een the teller and the listener. 8n this smallopenin# *e can simply #et to kno* one another better9kno* that *e are not alone kno* that*e are valued5 included5 *elcomed. &e* appreciation of diversity and difference can #ro*.

"his is an opportunity for hospitality to be offered and for each participant to tell their stories9it may be a time to remember *hat they cannot lose5 it may also be a desire to resolve *hatthey cannot stop thinkin# about5 or a combination of both. "his C"ellin# $ur Stories time is atime to kno* *e are not alone5 and that *e are valued5 included5 *elcomed5 and honoured.

Encoura#e participants to take a moment in silence to think about *hat has brou#ht them tothis #roup on divorce. "hey mi#ht *ish to tell *hy they *anted such a #roup. 8t is also a time toshare the uni4ueness of their story as it relates to divorce.

8t is important that the facilitator make sure each person2s story is told5 so divide the %minutes by the number of participants5 and tell each one ho* lon# they have. 8t is theresponsibility of the facilitator to keep people to their time limit5 #ivin# them a one9minute*arnin# *hen their time is almost up.

Encoura#e the #roup to take a moment of silence after each person is finished to honour theirstory and to hold them in God2s presence.

"his is a time to tell stories5 not to 4uestion one another9over the next fe* *eeks there *ill betime to explore particularities.

Check-out !" minutes#

Arovide 4uiet time for 6ournallin# or reflection. 8nvite participants to name a *ord5 phrase5 orima#e of somethin# that they *ill take from this time to#ether.

Closing !" minutes#

-opy a blessin# and invite everyone to say it to#ether. 'ere is one su##estion:

May the love of God *atch over us5

may the peace of -hrist fill our hearts5

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada


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may the presence of the 'oly Spirit fill our sleep

and speak in our dreams. ;men.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada H


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Session : !aming Our "urts

Theme &amin# our hurts5 creatin# mandalas


• *orship centre =candle5 teali#hts5 cloth5 ,ible?

• flip chart and markers• paper and pens0crayons0markers0pastels

• -D player and -D of #entle music =for playin# *hile creatin# the mandalas?

• small circles of *hite paper

• samples of Cbreath prayers provided in the centrin# exercise for this session

Welcome !" minutes#

Welcome people as they arrive. 8f you are havin# refreshments5 encoura#e people to en6oythem as you #ather.

Opening !" minutes#1i#ht a candle to remind all that *e #ather in the presence of God5 *ho is *ith and amon# us.

Share this readin# from St. ;u#ustine =&orth ;frica5 -E )%+I+)? or another readin# of yourchoice5 or offer a prayer of #ratitude for this time to#ether.

God of our life5there are days *hen the burdens *e carrychafe our shoulders and *ei#h us do*n5*hen the road seems dreary and endless5the skies #ray and threatenin#5*hen our lives have no music in them5and our hearts are lonely5

and our souls have lost their coura#e.Flood the path *ith li#ht5 *e beseech "hee5turn our eyes to *here the skies are full of promise5tune our hearts to brave music5#ive us the sense of comradeship *ith heroes and saints of every a#e5and so 4uicken our spirits that *e may be able to encoura#ethe souls of all *ho 6ourney *ith us on the road to life5to thy honour and #lory.


Make time for each person to share *hat has been happenin# for them.


8ntroduce breath prayers. =Some explanation is available at ***.united9church.ca0alla#es0families0support0Jlent see also the ,reath Arayers handout.?


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Make sure each person has paper and somethin# to *rite *ith7a variety of colours is helpful.

()ercise *oad of life

See the C


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Session #: Dealing $it% FeelingsTheme Explorin# feelin#s5 particularly some of the an#er5 that participants may be feelin# dueto the divorce


• *orship centre resources =cloth5 candle5 teali#hts5 ,ible?

• handouts on an#er5 explorin# an#er5 and stron# feelin#s

• flip9chart paper and markers5 pens0pencils

• hymn books =if sin#in#?

Welcome !" minutes#

;s people arrive5 *elcome them5 encoura#e them to pick up the handouts for today2s session5and help themselves to refreshments.

Opening !" minutes#

1i#ht a candle remindin# all that #ather that *e do so in God2s presence. $ffer a prayer of

#ratitude for this time to#ether.


Arovide time for intentional check9in5 allo*in# participants to let #o of the stresses5 minutiae5and mundane of the day so they can be fully present in this session.


Sin# or read to#ether CWould @ou ,less $ur 'omes and Families ="oices #nited %%? or C'elp/s ;ccept Each $ther.

$r use one of the biblical family stories from the ,ible study =Family Ministry Kit 2!5 mailedto all con#re#ations in %?.


"imes of transition and chaos can also be times of creativity and #ro*th. Even betrayal forcespeople to recreate their lives if they can find in themselves the inner coura#e to fully en#a#etheir experience.

8n her book %he &ood Divorce5 -onstance ;hrons notes that people #oin# throu#h a divorce list avariety of feelin#s5 not all of them ne#ative: pain5 loneliness5 an#er5 stress5 #rief5 sti#ma5 andfailure and freedom5 relief5 stren#th5 hope5 coura#e5 happiness5 and di#nity.

"hou#h you are not the person experiencin# the divorce5 you are *alkin# *ith a loved one *hois experiencin# the divorce and *ill therefore have feelin#s associated *ith it. 8t is important tobe a*are of your feelin#s.

Feelin#s or emotions are C#ut reactions to situations5 people5 our o*n behaviour5 or our senseof self. Feelin#s are neither #ood nor bad they 6ust are. 'o*ever5 *hat *e do *ith them canbe #ood or bad5 constructive or destructive5 helpful or unhelpful.

"here are different levels of feelin#s5 and often one feelin# hides another. For example5 an#ercan be a Csurface feelin# that has been tri##ered by a deeper feelin# of hurt. We have verylittle control over our emotions. We can deny *e are havin# them and cover them up5 but that



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is not control and is not healthy. We do have control5 ho*ever5 over ho* *e let our emotionsaffect us5 ho* *e express them5 and ho* *e deal *ith them.

When someone expresses a feelin# to us5 the best thin# *e can do is empathie7that is5 acceptthat person2s feelin# and try to become a*are of it ourselves. "o happiness *e mi#ht say5 C"hatsounds *onderfulL "o sadness *e mi#ht say5 C"hat seems pretty painful. 8t is not helpful to

deny someone2s feelin#s by sayin#5 C$h5 you don2t really feel that *ay5 or C@ou shouldn2t saythatL Such denials of or 6ud#ments about another2s emotions may be si#ns that *e do not *ishto hear5 let alone empathie5 and they do nothin# to chan#e the fact that is *hat the person isfeelin#. ;#ain5 feelin#s 6ust are. "hey can be described and do not need to be 6ustified orexcused.

()ercise ()pressing our feelings

See the CExpressin# $ur Feelin#s handout.

()ploring anger

See the CExplorin# ;n#er handout.

,ack#round information contained in these exercises could be used as a handout. 8f you do this5#ive the participants time to read and reflect on *hat they have read5 then ask if anyone hasany 4uestions or anythin# they *ould like to say about *hat they have 6ust read.

;n#er is a very real feelin# *hen one is copin# *ith divorce59*hether as the one #ettin#divorced5 the children of those #ettin# divorced5 or extended family members *ho *atch theirloved ones suffer from the sidelines. We are faced *ith a situation not of our o*n choosin#7onefilled *ith loss5 transition5 and challen#e.

;n#er can dis#uise underlyin# feelin#s of hurt or fear5 or it can #enerate depression5 anxiety5and fati#ue. 8t can mas4uerade as inhibition5 hypersensitivity5 or passivity. $r it can beexpressed overtly in acts of physical violence or barbed *ords.

-onstructive an#er does not destroy5 inflict in6ury5 or perpetuate pain. 8t does not retaliate. 8tconverts to healthy a##ression. 8t is the ener#y *e need to rebuild ourselves and ourrelationships.

With the hole group

"ake a fe* moments to consider ho* you mi#ht help family members use the ener#y of an#er*ithout hurtin# self5 others5 or other people2s thin#s5 and *ithout later re#rettin# *hat *assaid or done.

0ome good reminders

8t2s important to remember that *e don2t al*ays need to deal *ith our an#er ri#ht a*ay7attimes it may be better to take a break or a deep breath or to count to ! =or maybe !? tocalm do*n before expressin# our feelin#s.

8f you find yourself #ettin# an#ry a lot5 talk to somebody about it and try to find ne* *ays ofen#a#in# in the situations and *ith the people that make you an#ry.

When someone is an#ry *ith you listen to them5 empathie *ith them5 and accept theirfeelin#s. "o#ether try to find ne* *ays of bein# in relationship.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada !!


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8f you2re an#ry *ith someone you can2t talk it throu#h *ith because the person isn2t safe5 can2tbe located5 has died5 or chooses not to en#a#e in the conversation5 *rite a letter to that person=6ust for yourself? sayin# all the thin#s you feel.

0trong feelings

See the CStron# Feelin#s handout.


Arovide 4uiet time for 6ournalin# or reflection. 8nvite participants to focus on one thou#ht orfeelin# from this time to#ether. Arovide time for them to share that thou#ht or feelin# *ith the#roup if they *ish.

Closing !" minutes#

8nvite the participants to share a blessin# *ith one another. @ou mi#ht choose to use one orall of the follo*in# or another of your o*n choosin#.8n each breath this day5 may there be peace.8n each step this day5 may there be #race.

8n each *ord this day5 may there be compassion.8n each encounter this day5 may GodNs presence be kno*n. ;men

From 'ircles of &race by eri . Wehlander ="oronto: /-A'5 !BB(?5 p. !

May God2s compassion clothe us.May God2s presence mend us.May the colours of God2s promise be *oven into our hearts and into this *orld. ;men.

eri . Wehlander ***.creative*orship.ca


http://www.creativeworship.ca/http://www.creativeworship.ca/http://www.creativeworship.ca/


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Session &: 'eing SupportiveTheme Explorin# *ays of bein# supportive of family members copin# *ith divorce



Welcome !" minutes#

Opening !" minutes#

1i#ht a candle remindin# all that #ather that *e do so in God2s presence. $ffer a prayer of#ratitude for this time to#ether.


Centring !&% minutes#Share this readin# or another of your choice5 or use a breath prayer or other activity to helpcentre the #roup. ;n excellent readin# is found in 1yn lu#5 ed.5 Soul (eavings: ) &athering of(omen*s +rayers =;u#sbur#5 !BB?5 pp. !(I!B.



When *e face crisis in our lives5 our ability to deal *ith the crisis can be enhanced orencumbered by our extended family members.

,y #atherin# in this #roup you have indicated your desire to be supportive of your familymembers *ho are facin# this crisis.

()ploring ays of offering support

;s a #roup5 identify some of the chan#es that have happened for family members as a result ofthe divorce.

Some possibilities are

• a chan#e in housin#

• sin#le parentin#

• a chan#e in economic situation

• a ne* relationship• blended0stepfamilies

• le#al processes =divorce proceedin#s0sharin# of property?

• findin# employment

,rainstorm as many chan#es as you can5 and list them on flip9chart paper.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada !)


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Form #roups of three and divide the list of chan#es bet*een the #roups. Work throu#h thechan#es your #roup has named5 and identify their conse4uences and *ays you mi#ht offersupport to a family member facin# these chan#es.

Example: Cchan#e in housin#

-onse4uences of the chan#e mi#ht include:• movin# out of a marital home

• livin# alone all the time or part9time =if there are children and custody is shared?

• needin# furniture0appliances if the shared property is divided

Ways of supportin# mi#ht include:

• offerin# to help *ith movin#

• callin# at the times you kno* the person *ill be alone

• offerin# to accompany the person in searchin# for ne* accommodation or providin#child care *hile he or she searches

8t mi#ht be helpful to *rite do*n your responses so they can be shared in the *hole #roup.

()ploring ays of taking care of self 1ody2 mind2 and spirit

See the CExplorin# Ways of "akin# -are of Self handout.


Arovide 4uiet time for 6ournalin# or reflection. 8nvite participants to name a *ord5 phrase5 orima#e of somethin# they *ill take from this time to#ether.

@ou may *ant to discuss that next *eek *ill be your last *eek as a #roup5 and *hether you*ant to mark it *ith a special celebration.

Closing !" minutes#


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Session (: )elebrationTheme Explorin# the 6oys of ne* directions and celebratin# this time to#ether



•

if this meetin# is happenin# in the fall5 you mi#ht have some sprin# bulbs to #ive to theparticipants for the Dare to Alant section5 or at another time of the year you mi#htprovide seeds5 soil5 and pots or beddin# plants

Welcome !" minutes#

Welcome people to this last session. 8f you have decided to have additional food to shareto#ether5 it mi#ht be shared at this time or saved until later. Dependin# on your decision youmay need to ad6ust the timin# of this session.

Opening !" minutes#

1i#ht a candle remindin# all *ho #ather that *e do so in God2s presence. $ffer a prayer of#ratitude for this time to#ether.


Arovide time for intentional check9in so participants can be fully present in this session.


8n Session *e introduced a breath prayer. "his is another breathin# prayer usin# a line ofscripture from Asalm +:!a: C,e still5 and kno* that 8 am GodL

Encoura#e participants to empty their hands5 sit comfortably in their chair5 place their feet onthe #round5 and focus on their breathin#.

;sk everyone to breathe deeply5 and in breathin#5 kno* God2s presence in every breath.When people seem centred5 introduce this line of scripture:

,e still and kno* that 8 am God,e still and kno* that 8 am,e still and kno*,e still,e

Encoura#e people to repeat this scripture5 break it do*n5 and en6oy Cbein# in this moment.



"he year % marked the (th anniversary of "he /nited -hurch of -anada. "he theme of thisanniversary year *as CDare to ,e.

8n this session *e *ill explore our experiences usin# CDare to ,e ideas.

"he /nited -hurch of -anada0123#lise /nie du -anada !%


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3are to reminisce


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Dream and en6oyL

3are to give

$ften *hen *e are facin# times of crisis and loss in our lives *e focus in*ard yet need to lookout*ard to put the experience into perspective.

$pportunities to reach out to others *ho are in need can often #round us. &ot all familymembers may feel they have the ener#y or passion to be involved in somethin# outside theneed to cope *ith the ever9chan#in# demands of survival. ,ut some mi#ht7so dream about*hat could be life9enrichin# for you and others.

8f some family members *ho are *illin# to consider bein# involved in some form of service oroutreach5 *hat could you do to#etherK

;s a #roup5 name the opportunities for service0outreach in your community. "his mi#ht includevolunteerin# at a food bank5 helpin# at a shelter5 offerin# to sort clothes at a clothin# depot5cleanin# up a nei#hbourhood park5 participatin# in a *alk or run for charity5 and so on.

$r plan on a lar#e scale and consider #ettin# involved in a 'abitat for 'umanity pro6ect or apro6ect *ith one of our partner churches in another part of the *orld. =@our minister may beable to help you find more out about such opportunities by bein# in touch *ith the Aeople inAartnership staff of the General -ouncil $ffice?.

Alan ho* you mi#ht invite other members of your family to 6oin in this pro6ect.

Documents

Divorce Sessions