Divorce Handouts

8/18/2019 Divorce Handouts

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Divorce Support Group for Extended Family Members: Handouts

Breath Prayers

(Session 2)

Breath prayers for inner healing can be prayed anyhere! anytime! especially hen e are

distressed or discouraged" Slo! deep breathing can calm the mind and body! and the prayer turnsus to God"

Some breath prayers might include:

• #ut of the depths have $ cried to you % # God hear my voice

• Sho me! # God % the path of life

• $ love you God % $ trust you % $ believe in you % $ need you no

• &oving God % grant me peace

• Hold me % comfort me % bless me

• God $ hold % in loving silence"

•

God help me see % as you do"• God % here are you

• 'eep my heart open % to loving others"

• 'eep my heart open % to your love"

• Grant me % peace of heart"

• Help me % believe in my on goodness"

(he )nited *hurch of *anada%&+,glise )nie du *anada


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Exercise: Road of Life

(Session 2)

As an individual

-eflect on your road of life" Ma.e a list of your hurts" &ist as many as you can remember" /s you

loo. at your list! do the folloing:• Dra a floer next to the ones that have been cared for and seem to be healed"

• 0lace a star next to the ones that seem to be partially healed"

• 0lace an exclamation mar. next to the ones that are still 1uite ra and hurtful"

*hoose one of your hurts that has been healed" -eflect on ho the healing happened for you"

$n pairs! share your experience"

2ith the hole group! name%list hat enables healing to happen"



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As an individual

/s you thin. about one of the hurts that has brought you to this group! hat does it need in orderfor healing to happen3

• 2hat can you do3

• 2hat help do you need from others3

Briefly rite don your thoughts and possible directions that might lead to some healing or needsyou have as you face this particular hurt"

In plenary

$f anyone ishes to name hat they need in order to face the hurt! share it in the group"



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Exercise: Expressing Our Feelings

(Session 3)

*omplete the folloing sentences and then share them ith another person in the group:

4" $ feel relaxed hen

5" $ feel silly hen

6" $ feel hurt hen

7" $ feel happy hen

8" $ feel sad hen

9" $ feel loved hen

" $ feel put don hen

;" $ feel afraid hen

oy hen

48" $ feel hen

?from Passion and Freedom, p" 6


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As an individual

(a.e a moment to thin. bac. over the most recent encounter ith a family member ho has beenaffected by the divorce"

• 2hat ere they feeling3

• 2hat did they need from you3

• Ho did you respond3

Share ith one other person the situation and explore together other responses! if any"

In the whole group

Share any insights and isdom about feelings"

Remember:Each person needs to experience their on feelingsA it is not our >ob to rescue them from theirfeelings"



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Exploring Anger

(Session 3)

Reflection

(a.e time to reflect on this passage:

(hen esus entered the temple and drove out all ho ere selling and buying in the temple!and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those ho sold doves" Hesaid to them! C$t is ritten! My house shall be called a house of prayer+A but you are ma.ing ita den of robbers" M/((HE2 54:4546

Everyone gets angry" /nger is a given in life" 2e get angry at events! at ob>ects! at people e.no! at people e don+t .no! at people e love! and at our on behaviour"

Many of us ere taught not to sho our anger! or even to tal. about it" Some of us ere told thatanger is bad" But anger! li.e any feeling or emotion! is neither good nor bad! it >sut is" Hoever!hat e do ith anger can be good or bad! constructive or destructive! helpful or unhelpful"

2e can ma.e choices about hat e do ith our anger"

/nger can be dealt ith! coped ith! and expressed in healthy and lifegiving ays"

2e can channel the energy of anger to ma.e constructive changes in our life and situations" 2emay ant to blame someone for our anger! but our anger is ours! and e need to on it and dealith it"

/nd did you .no that it+s o.ay to be angry ith God3 God can ta.e our anger! ill alays bethere to listen to us! and ill love us unconditionally"

Befriend your anger: $t usually menas something you value has been violated" &isten: $t has muchto teach you"

Activities

/fter reading these statements! thin. about a situation that has made you angry:

• 2hat made you angry3

• Ho did you react3

• Ho did you feel about your reaction3

$n pairs! share your experience of anger"

/re there commonalities to your experience3 Differences3 /ny isdom you can share3

$n the hole group! share any insights"

/s an individual! thin.ing about the particularities of the divorce that has touched your extendedfamily! identify one situation that causes you to feel anger" (a.e some time to anser thefolloing 1uestions:



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• 2hat about the situation ma.es you angry3

• 2hat is the real issue here3

• 2hat do $ thin. and feel3

• 2hat do $ ant to accomplish3

• 2ho is responsible for hat3

• 2hat! specifically! do $ ant to change3

• 2hat are the things $ ill and ill not do3

$n pairs! as you feel comfortable! share hat you have learned from this exercise"

(his might be an exercise you could share ith others in your extended family ho are copingith the divorce"



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Strong Feelings

(Session 3)

2hen one experiences the ending of a relationship! loss is real" Fe people get through such asignificant loss and transition in their lives ithout a lot of poerful and sometimes chaoticfeelings"

(he folloing exercise is adapted from a simple! beautiful exercise from the Buddhist tradition:

4" Find a place here you can have at least 4= uninterrupted minutes to yourself"

5" &et yourself feel your feels as fully and completely as possible"

6" /ccept your feelings ithout >udgment: (hey are hat ma.e you human and! li.e the eather!>ust are" Even greet them affectionately by name: CHello! my anger CDear little insecurities!$ see you are bac. today! C#h! fear! you+ve gron 0art of groing is feeling your feelingsfully! then alloing that experience to help you gro"

7" Breathe in deeply and become aare that millions and millions of people in the orld arefeeling those same feelings right no

8" Send your compassion out to all those people" Iou .no >ust ho they feel! and you feel iththem" Somehere in the orld! people you ill never .no are li.eise sending theircompassion to you"

9" -est in that compassionate solidarity! ithout as.ing anything more"

" *ontinue ith your day 2hether you feel it or not! your heart >ust gre bigger"

?from Passion and Freedom, p" ;8@



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Exploring Ways of Taking Care of Self: Body !ind and Spirit

(Session 4)

2hen e face crisis! either our on or as a supporter of those e love! it is important to begentle ith ourselves and help those e love to be gentle ith themselves"

2rite don responses to the folloing statements:

• $ en>oy

• My favourite food is

• $f $ had one hour all to myself! ith no demands! $ ould

• 2ith my family $ li.e to

• My favourite floer is

• $ ould li.e to

• 2hen $ am sad $

•

(he place here my spirit is reneed is

• My most calming activity is

• (he activity%craft that renes my spirit is

• #n a free afternoon! $ ould

• $ ill say Cno to

• 2hen $ am happy $

• $ ill say Cyes to

• $ reard myself ith

• $ relax by



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• My favourite boo.%(J sho%movie%radio program%form of entertainment is

• $ ta.e care of my body by

• My body tells me $ need to

• My favourite piece of music is

• 2hen $+m angry $

• $ find comfort in

• / happy! peaceful time $ remember ith fondness is

• $ am grateful for

• My favourite 1uiet space is

• $ li.e to

• $ pray for

• $f $ had a free day $ ould

• My favourite thing to do ith my hands is

• $ onder

•

My blessings are

• (he best thing about no is

-epeat this exercise thin.ing about one of the members of your family ho has been affected bythe divorce" *omplete each statement ith them in mind! putting their name in the place of theC$ or Cmy"



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/t least once in the coming ee.! pic. one of the statements and fulfill it for yourself and pic.one of the statements and fulfill it for your family member" (a.e delight in caring for yourself andfor your loved one" -emember that you are a ondrous! loved! uni1ue creation of God"



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An Irish Blessing

May the blessing of light be on you!

light ithout and light ithin"

May the blessed sunlight shine upon you

and arm your heart

till it glos li.e a great fire

and strangers may arm themselves

as ell as friends"

/nd may the light shine out of the eye of you!li.e a candle set in the indo of a house!

bidding the anderer to come in

out of the storm"

May the blessing of rain be on youA

the soft seet rain"

May it fall upon your spirit

so that little floers may spring up

and shed their seetness on the air"

/nd may the blessing of the great rains be on you!

to beat upon your spirit and ash it fair and cleanA

and leave there many a shining pool

here the blue of heaven shines!

and sometimes a star"

May the blessing of the earth be on you!

the great round earthA

may you ever have a .indly greeting for people

as you+re going along the roads"



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/nd no may the &ord bless you!

and bless you .indly! /men"



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"i#orce Support $roup Bi%liograp&y/s ell as reading! see if you can find support from local branches of

• 0arents ithout 0artners

• 0arents /nonymous

• Single 0arents

/hrons! *onstance! The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your arriage !omes "part ?Ke Ior.: Luill! 4


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or !hildren

Bron! &aurene 'rasny! and Marc Bron! Dinosaurs Divorce: " Guide $or !hanging Families ?(oronto: &ittle Bron! 4

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Divorce Handouts