Discover how to achieve your goals in 15-minutes a day: the two tools to stop procrastinating and start succeeding

7/29/2019 Discover how to achieve your goals in 15-minutes a day: the two tools to stop procrastinating and start succeeding

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Discover how to achieve your goals in 15-minutes a

day the two tools you need to stop procrastinating

and start succeeding

Do you want to discover what it takes to finally stop procrastinating?

Do you want two new tools to get clear on what you really want and to take positive action

even when you dont feel like it?

Do you want a 15-minute routine that guarantees you will succeed?

If yes, then read on

Discover why you fail and a new way to get clarity on what you

really want

You may think that you already know what you want, but by the time youve finishedreading this book Ill have proved to you thatwhat you thinkyou want might not be

what you reallywant.

Let me tell you about my friends Sarah and Peter. Independently of each other, both Sarah

and Peter have this goal to stop watching TV and instead take up running. However, they

have both repeatedly failed to achieve this goal.

And why is that?

The answer is that both Sarah and Peter dontreallywant to go running instead ofwatching TV. But before I can explain why this is so I need to tell you the difference

between strategies and needs.

Strategies, put simply, are what you want, while needs are why you want them. Putanother way, needs are those things which are important to everyone - things like love,

rest, and contribution - while strategies are ways to satisfy your needs.

As a starting point, here is a list of 30 needs that Ive placed alphabetically into threecategories Truth, Love, and Power (this is a simplification, both because there are more

needs than this and because not all needs fit into these three categories).


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1. Why (do I want to watch TV)?

Because I want to zone out and enjoy myself

2. Why?

Because I want to relax and have fun

3. Why?Because I want to recover from my day at work

4. Why?

Because I want to have energy for tomorrows work

5. Why?

Because I want to do a good job of helping people

Sarah then repeats this process for her desire to stop watching TV. She begins by asking

herself:

1. Why (do I want to stop watching TV)?Because I want to stop being lazy

2. Why?

Because I want to get fit

3. Why?

Because I want to lower myblood pressure (which my doctor says is too

high)

4. Why?

Because I want to avoid illness

5. Why?

Because I want to enjoy life and be able to do the things that I enjoy

By the time you have asked 5 whys to what you want (and answered in the because I

want format) youll always get to your needs. In Sarahs case she has identified that she

wants to have the health to enjoy life and to get the necessary rest and fun so that she can

help people.

At various points Sarah was unsure why she wanted something. For suggestions she

consulted the above list of needs and this helped her to work out what she really wanted.

(If that helps,heresa more comprehensive list of needs to print out and keep handy.)

Now we can understand Sarahs situation. She watches TV in an attempt to satisfy herneeds for rest and fun, and decided to start running so as to satisfy her need to be healthy.

What Sarah has missed is that neither strategy satisfies all of her needs: watching TV fails

to satisfy her need for good health, while running is neither restful nor fun.

No wonder then that Sarah has failed to achieve her goal! But now Sarah is ready to ask

what strategies would satisfyall of myneeds?
http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventoryhttp://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventoryhttp://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventoryhttp://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory


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After some brainstorming heres the two-part solution that she came up with: first, to puta treadmill in her living room, so that she can jog while watching TV, thus improving her

health; and second, to buy the DVD box sets for her favorite comedy show The Simpsons,so that instead of channel surfing shell find it fun and relaxing to watch TV, which

reenergizes her for work the next day.

BJ Fogg, a Stanford professor, has three pieces of advice that Sarah can use to further

improve these habits.

He suggests, first, that you choose a tiny positive habit - something that takes you less than

30 seconds and requires no real effort.

So, Sarah could aim to simply get on the treadmill and to then set it to a slow speed. The

easier the strategy the more likely that Sarah will do it. Later, when she has established

this habit, if Sarah wants to she can incrementally increase the difficulty on the treadmill.

Next, its best to plan the new habit immediately after an appropriate already-established habit, because its far easier to remember that way. Sarah has a well-

established habit of switching the TV on in the evening. So, she can set to get on the

treadmill immediately after switching on the TV.

And, in fact, with some advance planning you can alter your environment to both make

it easier to follow your new habits and to remind yourself at the right time to do them.

In Sarahs case, she can place the TV remote on the treadmill so that shes on the

treadmill when she switches on the TV; she can take the couch out of the TV room making it harder to choose to sit down rather than go on the treadmill; and she can place

her jogging clothes right next to the treadmill so that she can immediately get changedwhen she switches on the TV making it easier to follow the new habit.

The final piece of advice is important: the more pleasurable you make your new habit

the more youll want to do it. Sarah could buy a treadmill that has a program that

congratulates her when she has run a certain distance; the recognition for her

accomplishment motivates her to keep on using the treadmill.

Another way of stating these three ideas is that you should choose strategies that satisfy

your needs for ease (make it easy), simplicity (ensure that you can remember to do it), and

fun (make it pleasurable). If your chosen strategies dontsatisfy these needs then they

dont fully work for you.

Now that Sarah has chosen her strategies to satisfy her needs, her last step is to mentally

contrast choosing to walk on the treadmill and watching TV sitting down. She mentally

flips back and forth between these two options. If she feels any unease about the strategy

then she has probably missed a need. For instance, Sarah could feel unease about

spending money on a treadmill because she has little money and has a need for security.

In that case she needs to adjust her strategy.


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Mentally contrasting in this way helps you to fully commit to your proposed

strategy. It helped Sarah resolve to immediately make a phone call to ask a friend for

their spare treadmill.

Earlier I said that I would prove to you that what you think you want might not be whatyou really want. Well, Sarahs example proves this. She thinks that she wants to stop

watching TV and go running instead, but really want she wants is to satisfy her needs for

health, rest, fun, and contribution. And even though her initial strategy was to stop

watching TV, once she identified her needs she found that theres a way that she can watch

TV that will satisfy all of her needs.

However, to connect to your needs just by asking yourself 5 times why you want

something isnt enough. The reason is that self-judgments block you from identifying your

needs, and the solution is the Self-Connection game. And thatis the subject of the next

chapter

Summary

1. Your ultimate aim is to satisfy your needs not yourstrategies.

2. One way to identify your needs is to say what you wantand then ask, iterating this five times, why? andanswering in the formatbecause I want .

3.

Choose strategies that are simple, easily triggered, andpleasurable.


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The Self-Connection game how to get past your self-judgments and discover

your true needs

The Self-Connection game is a powerful way to remove self-judgment and connect to your

needs. To illustrate how to play Im going to walk you through how Peter played this gameto connect to his needs.

First some background context: Peter desperately wants to stop watching TV because he

feels lonely and wants company. He is filled, however, with self-judgments and they block

him from connecting to his needs; for instance, he doesnt have a girlfriend and, instead of

connecting to his unsatisfied needs for intimacy and company, he is wrapped up in

judgments of how hes a loserand isnt good enough.

Now, I was introduced to what I call the Self-Connection game by Francois Beausoleil at a

NonViolent Communication Workshop that he led in Glasgow, Scotland. What I present

here is my own version of this process, and later on Ill explain why I call it a game.

Heres how to play the game: first, Peter identifies the different voices in his head. In this

case there are just two, which he labels the self-loathing voice (which wants a girlfriend)

and the addicted voice (which wants to watch TV).

Since you want to create an emotional distance from your voices it can help to label them.

My choice is to give the voices animal names; so, Peter calls his self-loathing voice the

Jackal (so named because it has incessant judgments) and his addicted voice the Kitten(so named because it wants rest and feels vulnerable). Some people skip this step, but Imgoing to use these names to refer to the two voices as I explain the process.

Its best to do this process in an open space where you can move about, and where you can

stand in a different place for each of your voices. So, Peter goes to his living room and then

decides that the Jackal will stand by the TV, while the Kitten will stand by the couch.

To begin Peter chooses one voice, it doesnt matter which, and stands in the right location.

This voice, facing the direction of the other voice, then speaks its truth. And it can say

anything that it wants however it wants. Nothing is off limits, and the voice is allowed to

express itself using judgments.

Peter chooses the Jackal to start and goes to stand by the TV. Turning towards the couch,where the Kitten is, the Jackal begins its monologue:

I hate you. You big fat useless lump. I hate that you keep on watching TV every day.You are such a slob. People hate you. I hate that you dontdo anything about being

on your own, you just keep on watching TV, every day. I hate thatyou dont respect

yourself. I want you to get your act together. Im so fed up of being on my own


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And Peter allows that voice to continue speak its truth without interruption until it

has said everything that it wants to say.

When the Jackal has finished Peter then moves to stand by the couch. The Kitten now tries

to translate the Jackals judgments and reflect back what he heard was the Jackals needs.

Its simple to translate judgments into needs; you simply consider, what is theopposite of this judgment?For example, the opposite ofslobis beauty, and so the

translation of the judgmentyou are a slobis I hear that you needbeauty; andthe

opposite ofhateis love, and so in reply to the judgmentI hate youthe Kitten can say Ihear that you need love.

Its not important that the Kittens guesses are accurate. Whatis important is that the

Kitten is genuinely trying to understand what the Jackal said. When the Kitten gives

empathy it should try to match the intensity of how the Jackal spoke. So, if the Jackal is

loud and forceful then the Kitten should speak with the same power. Mirroring the

energy of the speaker is a powerful way to demonstrate that you understand the

force ofthe speakers pain.

So, the Kitten says:

I hear thatyou really want some order and beauty. You hate that I watch TV because

you need some activity, and you long for intimacy and love. It sounds like you really

want some care in your life and you are fed up with me watching TV

Its absolutely critical that when the Kitten has finished reflecting back what he heard he

then asks, have I heard everything that you wanted to say?

This gives the Jackal a chance to both correct the Kittens reflection and to say more. So,the Jackal says:

Well, I hate that youre not doing anything. Its so painful that Im alone. I so

desperately want to have a girlfriend. It would be so nice to have somebody to spend

time with. Im fed up of being lonely, and I really wish that you would do something

about this. It infuriates me that you are not doing anything about this, but just keep

on watching TV

And again when the Jackal has finished the Kitten attempts to empathize with the needs of

the Rat:

It sounds like you reallywant company, and love, and intimacy. You are fed up with

being lonely and want to have fun and connection. This all sounds so hard for you

and you really want some help and support to get what you want have I heard

everything that you wanted to say?

Peter ping-pongs between the two voices until the Jackal feels that it has been fully heard.

At this pointits time to switch roles: now the Kitten speaks its truth:


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Ifeel so tired when I get home from work. Its so much effort to do anything. I just

want to be on my own. And I hate all the judgment that you put on me. I hate that. I

cant deal with it. I need a break. I need to be on my own. I cant take it anymore. I

want you to leave me alone! Just get lost! I cant cope with what you throw at me

Like before, when the Kitten has finished the Jackal attempts to reflect back what he heard,

translating the judgments into needs. So:

I hear that you are so tired and are needing rest. It sounds like you want a break

from the pressure I put on you. You really want some ease and comfort, and its so

difficult dealing with the judgments I make of you Have I heard everything that you

wanted to say?

Peter then swings back and forth between the Kitten and the Jackal until the Kitten feels

satisfied that he has been fully heard.

When all voices have been heard the final step is to stand in the middle and name all the

needs that have been identified. So, Peter steps in between the TV and the couch and lists

the needs that have been named: love, intimacy, self-care, companionship, support, ease,

comfort, rest, inner peace, fun, play, adventure

Its easy to judge yourselffor your unmet needs. To sidestep this Peter allows himself to

fully mourn his unmet needs. He stands in the middle of the room and allows himself to be

fully with his sadness about his unmet needs. It also feels wonderful to connect your

needs, and this experience is worth savoring.

Here are the steps once more:

1. Let one voice speak its truth without interruption2. Reflect back what the listener heard3. Check in with the speaker if the listener has heard everything that they wanted to

say

4. If no then the speaker continues to speak its truth5. Continue the process until the speaker believes that they have been fully heard6. Switch roles so that the listener becomes the speaker7. Repeat the same process until the new speaker believes that they have been fully

heard

8. Take some time to name all your unsatisfied needs and to be with the experience ofthese unsatisfied needs

Earlier on I promised that I would explain why I call the Self-Connection process a game.

The reason is that this helps you to have the lightheartedness to avoid both being

overwhelmed by the pain that comes up during the process and judging yourself.


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Discover why you procrastinate and a new tool to succeed

Why does Sarah watch TV without going on the treadmill? Well, while driving home she

imagined that it would be painful to go on the treadmill. Furthermore, she has this

judgment, as you do, that pain is something bad. So, to satisfy her needs for comfort andease she watches TV sitting down.

The same thing happens with Peter. He imagines that hell feel embarrassed and shy

around the new people at the dodgeball team. Whats more hes averse to discomfort andso to escape this unpleasant experience he chooses to stay at home and watch TV.

A common mistake is to try to overcome your discomfort to achieve your goals by

using willpower and to just do it. Discipline is mostly ineffective for it fails to satisfy

your needs for comfort and ease. In that case, what can you do when discomfort threatens

to derail you?

Well, in the long run repeatedly playing the Self-Connection game will help you to let go of

your judgments and reduce the pain you feel. However, there is a Catch-22 here: you need

to play the Self-Connection game to reduce your pain, but you dont play the Self-

Connection game because its too painful (for after all you are bringing up your painfulemotions).

So, what else can you do?

Imagine that instead of feeling averse to the pain you experienced that you embraced and

enjoyed it. If Sarah were comfortable with being uncomfortable, then when she imagined

it being painful to go on the treadmill she would be okay with it being painful and would

still do it. And if Peter embraced his discomfort then he would be okay with the prospect

of feeling embarrassed around new people and would still go the dodgeball game.

So, how can you embrace your pain?

There are two ingredients that you need: one, create emotional distance between

you and the pain, and, two, enjoy the pain. The more you identify with the discomfort

then the more it seems like a big deal. And also, the more pleasurable it is to be with your

pain the easier it is to stick to your new habit.

Heres how I achieved both of these effects. I listed my past experiences where I wascomfortable with feeling discomfort. Here are three examples. I can remember

meditating with my eyes closed and feeling as if a spider was crawling across my face.

Despite my terror I stayed present and mindful and I ended up feeling blissful. I can

vividly recall when I first realized that everyone was going to die. My mum comforted me

as I cried and it felt so sweet to feel safe as I shared my pain. I can also remember feeling


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euphoria despite excruciating pain as I raced up a mountain on my bike in France against

9 friends.

I have found that it helps to adopt the perspective of somebody who enjoys my

discomfort. I often have this impulse to stop writing and instead play a computer game.

Since its uncomfortable to have this impulse, in order to relieve my discomfort I oftenchoose to play a computer game. To counter this I imagine a relevant previous experience

where I enjoyed my discomfort. In this case I recall the bliss I felt during my terror that

there was a spider crawling on my face. I dont mentally recall this experience, but insteadI try to conjure up the feelings that I had in that moment.

Once Ive tuned into the vibe of enjoying my discomfort I then imagine feeling blissful

when I have an impulse to play a computer game. I then flip back and forth between these

two possibilities, taking my time to experience both of them. By recalling a past

experience I create emotional distance from my discomfort, and by adopting a perspective

that takes pleasure in what Im doing I can take enjoy my pain.

To train myself to shift perspective in the moment that I feel discomfort, every night I

spend 5 minutes mentally contrasting between being averse to, and then embracing my

pain. To do this exercise you are like a gladiator sharpening his sword before he enters

the arena. The practice readies you to do what you need to do when during the day when

you feel uncomfortable.

When you routinely embrace your discomfort youll learn two important things. First,

discomfort rises and falls like a wave in the ocean when you embrace the discomfort it

will naturally ebb away. Second, that the waves of discomfort are now calmer than the

tidal waves of your past. This is because most of your discomfort is created by your

aversion to pain, and when you fully embrace the discomfort it no longer feels so painful.

There are other ways to embrace your pain as well as this practice. To create emotional

distance you could imagine that life is a dream, or place your whole attention on following

your breath. And to enjoy your pain you could pump you fist or imagine a flight of angels

trumpeting. You can play around to find a way that works for you to embrace your

discomfort.

I strongly recommend that you do this 5-minute exercise mental rehearsal exercise. You

can do it after you have played the Self-Connection game for 10 minutes. Put together you

have an pleasurable 15-minute daily routine that will guarantee your future success, for

you will enjoy both gaining clarity about whats important to you and practicing making itpleasurable to do the right thing even when you feel discomfort.

Action Box

1. Do the 5-minute mental rehearsal exercise every day,after youve played the Self-Connection game.


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Whats your next step? The one thing that you need to do right now

to guarantee your future success

Imagine right now what total success feels like. Imagine that you have achieved all your

goals that you have for yourself. Take a few moments to relish that feeling.

Now, contrast that with a world where you dont achieve your goals. Imagine life 10 years

from now and that you havent achieved any of your important goals. How dishearteningdoes that feel?

Right now you have a choice.

Im going to recommend an action that you can do right now that will guarantee your

future success. Itll take 10 minutes, and possibly less. You can either take this one small

step and achieve your goals, or risk that you will fail to use these powerful ideas thatyouve just learned.

And so whats this single step?

Well, if you establish the habit of everyday spending 10 minutes playing the Self-

Connection game and also 5 minutes mentally rehearsing perspectives to embrace

your discomfort then youll guarantee your future success.

You will have crystal clarity about what is really important to you, and will choose goals

that you really care about. You will no longer self-judge, and instead will connect to

yourself with compassion. You will choose strategies that are more creative and satisfyingthan previously. You can make the right decisions about what work to do, whether to stay

in a relationship, or where to live.

You will no longer procrastinate. Instead you will have the power to keep on doing whatsbest for you even if its uncomfortable. You will persevere to achieve your goals no matter

what obstacles are in your way and thus your future success is guaranteed.

Butheres that Catch-22 again: doing this 15 minute-routine will help you to embrace

pain, but it may be too painful to initially establish the habit!

So, what can you do?

The best thing you can do is to create a big enough incentive right now that will push you

to establish this 15-minute habit.

And heres one way to do that: go on to the websitewww.stickk.com, which allows you to

stake money on sticking to establishing these two new habits. (I am not in any way

affiliated with this website.)
http://www.stickk.com/http://www.stickk.com/http://www.stickk.com/http://www.stickk.com/


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Sign up for an account and then stake whatever is a considerable amount of money for you

on whether you stick to these two new habits (and make sure that you choose the option

of selecting someone close to you to hold you accountable).

Imagine what your life would be like if you take the next 10 minutes to put in place apowerful incentive to ensure that you establish this 15-minute habit? Imagine 10 years

from now and think of all the goals that youve accomplished and the wonderfulexperiences that youll have had. Now contrast that with the alternative: you dont do thissingle step and instead in 10 years time you are in the same stuck place that you are today.

So, what are you going to do?

Are you going to risk your future success or will you make sure you stick to this 15-minute

habit?

Summary

1. The Catch-22 is that you find it too painful to establishthe 15-minute daily exercise that will reduce the pain.

2. Create a big enough incentive right now that will pushyou to establish this 15-minute habit.


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Discover a new you and how you can get help

I want to acknowledge that it can be challenging to play the Self-Connection game. Itsdifficult to transcend your judgments and to connect to your needs. I know that it can be

very helpful to have other people to guide you through the Self-Connection game. Theycan offer encouragement and support you to follow the process. [And ifits painful for you

to share your inner self with other people then remember to embrace that discomfort!]

I know about the challenges of self-connection and I work with people 1:1 on Skype to

help them connect to their needs. I guide people through the Self-Connection game so that

they have clarity about what they really want.

If you want to learn more about how I can help you then you can contact mehere.

Action Box

If this book helped you then:

1. Make adonationbecause you will be helping me tocontinue to share the book with new people.

2. Share this book with your friends.3. Give me feedbackhereabout how the book helped you.

I would love to hear your story.

4. Contact meto help you get clear on whats important toyou.
http://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttp://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttp://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttps://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q2R5UJKVB6KZ8https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q2R5UJKVB6KZ8https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q2R5UJKVB6KZ8http://achieveyourgoalsin15mins.blogspot.com/p/achieve-your-goals-in-15-minutes-day_17.htmlhttp://achieveyourgoalsin15mins.blogspot.com/p/achieve-your-goals-in-15-minutes-day_17.htmlhttp://achieveyourgoalsin15mins.blogspot.com/p/achieve-your-goals-in-15-minutes-day_17.htmlhttp://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttp://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttp://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Formhttp://achieveyourgoalsin15mins.blogspot.com/p/achieve-your-goals-in-15-minutes-day_17.htmlhttps://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q2R5UJKVB6KZ8http://www.123contactform.com/form-497289/Contact-Form


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Biography of the Author

Hey there,

My name is David.

What can I tell you about myself?

Well, Im profoundly Deaf. Im English. And I can juggle.

For the last 5 years Ive worked as a Compassionate Communication trainer, leading

workshops around the world to guide people to resolve both inner and outer conflict. This

work has helped me to understand people and to write this book on achieving your goals.

Im passionate about helping people to connect to their deepest truth. If you are

interested in being guided through the Self-Connection process thencontact me.

And in my spare time Im often found teaching American Sign Language classes, training

for my next marathon, or reading sci-fi fiction.

And to cap things off I want to dedicate a few thank-yous for the three groups of people

that made this book possible:

To Mum and Dad, for their unconditional love;

To Anna Broadly and Sam Brightbart, for supporting me to be the writer that I am today;

And to Francois Beausoleil, BJ Fogg, and many others, for their ideas that got me started;

Thank you.
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Discover how to achieve your goals in 15-minutes a day: the two tools to stop procrastinating and start succeeding