1

REMINISCENCES OF MY WORK WITH GEORGES GURDJIEFF

D I A N A F A I D Y

Published as a means of honoring Diana’s wishes

that her story be of use to others

Original typed manuscript digitized by J.I. Humphres

2

CONTENTS

Contents

Introduction*

Prologue

History of the formation of the Chicago Gurdjieff Group

First Meeting with Mr. Gurdjieff – Winter of 1932 - Chicago

Second Meeting – The Night Following

Third Meeting – About Two Weeks Later, as I Recall

Gurdjieff’s 1934 visit to the Chicago Group - Summer

Meeting With Gurdjieff in New York January 1935

Gurdjieff in NY 1935 or 1936 – I am unsure about the year

Epilogue

Historical Background *

Profiles*

3

Introduction*

The text appearance has been retained as nearly as possible to that of Diana’s document as she

typed it. The way in which she typed conveyed more than just the words. For example her use of all

caps and underlines in certain instances. This introduction and the Historical Background and Profiles

sections are not a part of Diana’s document but have been added by the editors.

Josephine Campbell (1899–1983) became a noted modern dancer and choreographer who was profes-

sionally known as Diana Huebert. About 1939 or 1940 she married the well known Chicago architect Abel

Faidy and her public performances came to an end near that time. No record has been found of any chil-

dren born from this marriage.

Diana became a member of a Chicago Gurdjieff group in 1930 and spent time with Georges Gurdjieff there

and in New York on several occasions. According to one group member Diana was still active in the Chica-

go group in 1952 and was said to be beautiful, quiet and much respected by other members.

Diana’s reminiscences telling about her experiences as a Gurdjieff student were typed, apparently, on a

manual typewriter by Diana herself, first in 1974 and then retyped in 1977. Exactly how these pages were

given to the Gurdjieff Foundation is not clear.

Olgivanna Wright, a student of Georges Gurdjieff, became her 'second teacher in the work', as she puts it,

in 1953.

4

PROLOGUE

When I first made the decision to set down in writing as faithfully and

vividly as memory allows of those highly personal experiences lived within

the orbit of Georges Gurdjieff whom Destiny designated to be my first

teacher along the path of inner development, I had no thought that they

might reach publication. I set myself the task to record these episodes as

a means of clarification and evaluation of Gurdjieff’s role in my life and

my growth toward reality.

But as I wrote, it occurred to me that this personal record covering a

short time span of a little over three years might in fact add to the leg-

end of Gurdjieff and indeed might have value in that it reveals a specific

method of approach which Gurdjieff employed when time was a major factor.

Others such as Ouspensky, Bennett, M. and Madame de Hartman, Walker,

Nicoll, Nott, Hulme, Anderson, Orage, Popoff and Peters have all told

their story. In each case their contact with Gurdjieff covered a wider

span time than did mine. In later years however, 20 years after my first

5

meeting with Gurdjieff, a 12 year close association with my second teach-

er, Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright, Olgivanna, one of the three women disciples

whom Gurdjieff, as I understood, designated to carry on his work, helped

to cement the work already begun. Indeed, it was my work with Mrs. Wright,

which enabled me to cast off the artificial personality masks which had

accumulated over the years. It was through her counsel that I gained per-

spective and insight into the interior world wherein Gurdjieff had planted

seeds for my future development as an objective conscious act which he

foreknew were to have later flowering.

Each of the fore-mentioned writers have written of the powerful presence

of Gurdjieff, the man. The towering forehead and great dome of the head

shorn of hair, arose above fiery black orbs radiating an over-powering

consciousness which pierced with a seer’s vision into the interior world

of anyone upon whom they rested, laying the soul bare.

Here indeed was a man merited from boyhood for the unique role he was to

play on the planet Earth in the all but doomed twentieth century. And, as

John Bennett has so profoundly and brilliantly recorded, it is quite pos-

sible before the century has run its course, that we may discover that the

sage Gurdjieff having squarely defined man’s place in Great Nature’s

scheme, may prove to be an avatar sent from on high to awaken mankind to

the responsible role he must assume if the planet Earth is to continue its

course in the Cosmos.

It is evident that all those whose destiny it was to personally contact

this extraordinary man, who studied his cosmology and precepts, and who

made some serious effort to overcome their mechanicality, and to make some

headway in developing their ‘higher being bodies’, felt particularly

blessed, favored by Providence in having encountered in this life a man of

so great a stature, no matter what suffering each was called upon to en-

dure in the firing and fashioning of the clay. Each who remained in the

work was prepared to bear that painful and inevitable ‘remorse of con-

6

science’ when due to laziness, inattention or lack of ‘real wish’, a back-

sliding into sleep overtook him.

Gurdjieff’s work as a teacher assumed many forms depending upon the state

of development of the pupil, his actual possibilities for growth, and the

time span Gurdjieff had in which to work.

The time Gurdjieff could spend with the Chicago group was limited, thus

the initial work of breaking through the crust exposing the personality

masks in order to reach the Essence had to be achieved quickly by way of

shocks. It was the Master’s task to expose even to the raw those features

of the personality which kept the pupil captive bound to the wheel of

mechanicality, ignominy and annihilation at death.

Gurdjieff’s first work was to prepare the soil, to expose the stubborn

rocks and ugly weeds. Thus his methods were stringent, harsh, uncompromis-

ing and catastrophic. He had to risk much to prepare a small plot of

ground which eventually when seeded could produce the sacred grain and

flower.

Each member of a group who was singled out by the master for a shock, a

blow, in the beginning at least was able to survive the barrage. Was he

not favored by the complete attention of the Master? Were not these taunts

and withering comments directed at his uniqueness although they ostensibly

pertained to the negative or destructive features of his nature? A few, it

is true who were less bold in nature wished at all cost to avoid an en-

counter, and as quietly as possible retreated to an anonymous corner. But

who could escape from Gurdjieff? Their very timidity exposed them. More

than half the time, however, Gurdjieff employed the technique of indirect-

ness. Aiming his verbal onslaught at one person, the message was in truth

meant for another, if indeed the other was awake and clever enough to per-

ceive the ruse. In this way some outrageous attack could be accepted if it

filtered through another personality. And by this method we were forced to

7

do some serious soul - searching. Could Gurdjieff have aimed this arrow at

me? Am I guilty of this defect, this weakness, this crippling mental

block?

Some members did not survive the shocks and turned from Gurdjieff forever

as a teacher. Others were so badly shaken in the upheaval that it was some

time before they were able to confront the weakness which Gurdjieff had

attempted to expose and uproot with such force.

Fritz Peters has recounted the story of one couple who followed Gurdjieff

to New York shortly after his last visit to Chicago, giving up their jobs

and uprooting their lives to continue their work in closer proximity to

the Master. Their young daughter of fourteen accompanied them and it is

quite possible that their move was prompted in part in order that she at

an impressionable age would have this early exposure to Gurdjieff and his

work.

Mr. Peters did not relate certain facts bearing on the case. But Gurdjieff

was aware of the innermost weaknesses and immaturities of their individual

natures which had caused each to take a lover although ostensibly holding

the marriage intact.

Thus when Gurdjieff suggested in dead seriousness and with all the innuen-

do and subtlety of which he was capable that their daughter become his

mistress, they being blind to their own inner state were dealt a blow in

the area of the erotic by means of the daughter. Their prurient horror of

this base suggestion shattered their faith in Gurdjieff as a teacher which

was echoed by another couple, members of our group, who were aunt and un-

cle to the young girl. To my knowledge, the parents were unable to face

their reflection in the mirror and never returned to group work after

their hasty departure. The second couple I learned later had become mem-

bers of the theosophical society.

8

It was Fate which decreed that I would be especially privileged beyond

that enjoyed by other members of the Chicago group to spend a good deal of

time in Gurdjieff’s company. This was due in part to a seasonal lag when I

was fairly free of professional obligations on the two longer occasions

when Gurdjieff visited us. I was eager to be of service in many small mat-

ters and at hand to accompany Gurdjieff on excursions and shopping expedi-

tions. Thus there were more occasions, more time for my person to be under

the scrutiny of the Master. It was fairly evident however, that Gurdjieff

had taken a special interest in me from the onset, finding perhaps in my

particular individuality a high potential for development by means of his

work. It may be also that he thought of me as a possible candidate whom he

hoped to prepare to carry out one phase of his work in the future. Thus

his invitation that I join him in New York.

Before Gurdjieff’s coming our leader Jean Toomer had directed our efforts

in two important phases of the work, that of observing the division in the

three aspects or ‘bodies’ of our nature, the moving part, the feeling part

and the thinking part, and the detecting of the ‘chief feature’ around

which the individual bodies (missing unknown word) hovered each battling

for supremacy on any given occasion, enslaving the personality side of Man

and preventing the slumbering Essence from awakening and developing.

The separation of the personality from essence which Gurdjieff stated

takes place around the age of five years in our present civilization we

accepted on faith as factual. It was self-evident that Being, the sub-

stance of the Soul develops only by way of Essence growth and Essence

growth can only be achieved if the personality clamors are brought into a

state of quiescence, even death. This is the sacrifice that all religions

require of the aspirant. This is the crucifixion that all those who have

entered upon the Path must endure to be reborn, transformed in preparation

for the building of a permanent ‘I’- I am One with the Father.

In our observance of the personality masks and in the recognition of the

9

autonomous character of the three sides of our nature, we were enabled to

view objectively the split, the divisive state which kept us enslaved.

Thus in detaching the ‘inner self’ from this constant battle by the pro-

cess of ‘non-identification’, essence could be awakened and commence func-

tioning. By observing that ‘it desires, it is motivated, it feels, it

thinks’, Real ‘I’ could grow and in time command obedience from all three

centers to work as a cohesive Whole in order to achieve Essence aims and

growth of Being.

HISTORY OF THE FORMATION OF THE CHICAGO GURDJIEFF GROUP

The Chicago group had had an interesting inception. Both Margaret Anderson

and Jane Heap co-editors of the famous LITTLE REVIEW had become ardent

supporters of Gurdjieff’s work and philosophy. Mark Turbyfill, a Chicago

poet and dancer whose poems had often appeared in the Little Review, and

whose long mystical poem A MARRIAGE WITH SPACE was about to be published

by Pasval Covici received a letter from Jane Heap in October 1926 in which

she spoke of the imminent arrival of Jean Toomer, also a contributor to

the Little Review. Mr. Toomer had received Gurdjieff’s permission to in-

stigate the formation of a group in Chicago and become its leader. Jane

Heap had spent the summer at the Prieure, Gurdjieff’s INSTITUTE FOR THE

HARMONIOUS DEVELOPMENT OF MAN, and while there had encountered Jean Toomer

who had just completed a year of intensive training under Gurdjieff.

Upon Jean Toomer’s arrival in Chicago he was met by Mark Turbyfill and

Helen Dupee, known to her intimate friends as Yvonne. Yvonne Dupee was

known to be an enthusiastic sponsor of little Theatre and Art movements,

and was equally attracted to the mystical and the occult. It was Yvonne

Dupee who took Jean Toomer and his task of forming a Gurdjieff group in

her large embrace, and became in fact the ‘mother’ to the growing member-

ship gathered together mainly through her efforts. The group work began

sometime in the early months of the year 1927.

10

I, however, had not made contact with the group until the end of 1930, a

year after my return from a three year professional experience in New York

to Chicago where I began to seriously build a dance following with clas-

ses, lectures and recitals.

While still in New York I had met through Dr. Arnold Genthe, the erudite

German ‘father of photography’, the Greek dance artist and mimes, Vassos

and Tanagra Kanellos. It was Tanagra Kanellos, when she learned that I was

about to commence my artistic life in Chicago, who told me of Yvonne

Dupee, a most influential and charming patroness of the arts, to whom she

subsequently wrote a letter of introduction which she suggested that I

hand to Miss Dupee in person. It was almost a year before I felt free

enough to telephone Miss Dupee and arrange a meeting. It was at this fate-

ful first meeting that Miss Dupee told me of the Chicago Gurdjieff group

lead by Jean Toomer, author of CANE. I needed little urging to attend the

next meeting, and so I had become a dedicated member of the group.

11

FIRST MEETING WITH MR. GURDJIEFF – WINTER OF 1932 - CHICAGO

Our Chicago group was in a state of extreme excitement. Gurdjieff was com-

ing to visit us and thus give direction to our work. The Master himself

was taking a personal hand in our destiny and our future growth. We all

wondered how we would measure up, each member had secret hopes in this in-

itial encounter with the Master, hopes that a new dimension would be

reached, new capabilities discovered, new truths fathomed. But fear was

present as well. Fear that Gurdjieff might find the clay of too poor a

quality with which to work.

One man, David Fuller, who attended our meetings sporadically, but who had

visited and known Gurdjieff at the Prieure asked to be the host for a ra-

ther formal reception. We dressed formally, and friends as well as group

members were to attend. A few possible patrons were included. Gurdjieff

made his appearance in the company of Dr. Stjernvall, a disciple-friend

who had accompanied Gurdjieff when the great trek was made out of Russia,

years earlier. Both men wore great black overcoats of broad - cloth with

black astrakhan collars. Both wore Cossack fur hats to match. They formed

a startling pair. Dr. Stjernvall wore the patriarchal beard and mustache,

and Gurdjieff sported great handlebar black mustaches whose points di-

rected ones gaze to the great fiery black orbs, flooded with intelligence.

Their coats and hats were removed with grace and fine flourish, and the

introductions began. When I was introduced to Gurdjieff he studied me

carefully, with a rather marked attention, then turned to Dr. Stjernvall

remarking that I resembled Mme---------, The name may have been Mme.

Ostrowska, his deceased wife, whom I learned had also been a blond.

Those who were near enough to Gurdjieff trained eyes and ears to catch any

psychological observations he might choose to make. One I learned of lat-

er, was made to Berta Ochsner, also a dancer, but who was not a regular

12

member of our group. Gurdjieff studied her closely, then pronounced, “I

know shape your other nose, nose below.” Berta’s own nose had been long

and pointed, and she had had surgery performed for a more aesthetic pro-

portion. There was a hardly perceptible fine scar at the end. Berta’s an-

swer to this rather outrageous remark was as pointed as her original nose,

“how clever of you to know more of my insides than I myself.”

In the main Gurjieff’s behavior was that of the honored guest. His manner

was gracious as that of the patriarch surrounded by the clan. He was jovi-

al and sometimes playful with the men who clamored around his person, and

he made charming remarks to the women who were somewhat more detached.

Withall I felt his serious appraisal of the group. He was evaluating the

quality of the clay with which he was to work. I was content to watch him

and study his magnificent eyes and his graceful carriage and to note his

great stature, his Being, which permeated the entire room.

13

SECOND MEETING – THE NIGHT FOLLOWING

A general meeting had been arranged at the spacious home of Mr. And Mrs.

Allen on Michigan Avenue on the near north side for the Chicago group,

their friends and prominent people whom it was thought might become inter-

ested in Gurdjieff’s work and philosophy. I had invited a number of danc-

ers, my confreres, among them was Mildred Pearce who after the reading

commented on the remark made by Gurdjieff in regard to the intent with

which I had listened to his words which he said, “revealed the very image

of my soul.” This surprised me greatly, since in the fairly large group of

some one hundred fifty people, I hardly believed that one person could

have stood out. I had no idea that these words had reference to me.

At the end of the reading which consisted of excerpts from Gurdjieff’s

manuscript, ALL AND EVERYTHING, or BEELZEBUB’S TALES TO HIS GRANDSON, in

paying my respects to Gurdjieff he surprised me by inviting me in his in-

gratiating oriental manner, and in broken English, to visit him a little

later at his hotel suite, saying, “I play music just for you.” Highly

pleased and inwardly charmed to be thus singled out, I thanked him, agree-

ing to come, thinking that other group members would also be invited. But

later in speaking to Jean Toomer, our group leader, I learned that he had

not been invited, nor had any others that I could discover. This turn of

events startled me and set up a chain of inner conflicts. Thinking that

Gurdjieff may have been attracted to me personally, even erotically, I

suffered grave misgivings. For two years as a member of Gurdjieff’s Chica-

go group I had heard tales of this extraordinary man, of his heroic ex-

ploits, his mastership of esoteric knowledge and his wizardry in reading

and directing the soul state of those who crossed his path. My soul har-

bored visions of the spiritual growth to be reached under the guidance of

so great a teacher, of the challenges to be met and the obstacles to be

overcome. Already deeply moved by Gurdjieff’s arrival and overwhelmed by

his presence, I feared emotional involvement, conscious of my woman’s sus-

14

ceptibility to the erotic. Wishing the relationship between master and

disciple to remain on high platonic ground, untainted and untroubled I de-

cided to avoid any possible danger, by canceling the appointment.

To the knowing teacher, this decision to be sure, in retrospect, revealed

my vulnerability. It also revealed that I was not ‘pure of heart,’ and

therefore suspicious. Bit it also indicated an essence wish for an ideal

relationship between teacher and disciple.

I telephoned Gurdjieff’s hotel and in asking for his suite, learned that I

was talking with his niece who was part of his entourage. In some embar-

rassment I told her of the situation. She assured me that it was all right

to come. “By all means to keep the appointment.” But having made my deci-

sion, I left my regrets. The next morning I was shocked and dismayed to

learn that Gurdjieff, who had planned to stay with the Chicago group for

at least three weeks, had changed his plans and returned with his entire

entourage in haste to New York, no one knew the reason.

15

THIRD MEETING – ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER, AS I RECALL

A few days later our group was informed that we were to expect Gurdjieff’s

return on a certain day. Our group meetings had been held at my studio-

living quarters, and we prepared to receive him there. I was happy in his

prospective return and was gratified that it lay within my power to pro-

vide a suitable setting for his work and his person. Fortunately, the ap-

pointments in my studio were entirely oriental in key. A long sideboard

was strung with a Japanese runner the entire length. Its pattern was an

all over geometrical design, the colors were slate and gold. A very fine

gold Buddha with attached halo rested upon a gold wooden stand composed of

stacked carved frames, five in all. It was centered on the sideboard be-

tween twin lamps whose bases were formed of oxblood vases with matching

canopied shades. A clay statue of a Chinese court lady formed the base of

a small lamp resting upon a black desk. A fourth lamp whose base was

formed from a Chinese column vase in off - white with matching shade rest-

ed upon a low circular black table backed by a two - paneled Japanese

screen of silver-leaf squares, the squares bordered by a black - lacquered

wood frame. A Tibetan painting consisting of the heads of saints was the

only wall decoration. Seven oriental rugs were strewn on the floor. (They

had been borrowed for the occasion from my indulgent landlady.) The furni-

ture and drapes were black except for two chairs upholstered in a bright

Chinese red.

I as hostess greeted Gurdjieff, inwardly disturbed and apprehensive, look-

ing covertly for a cue as to his reaction to my refusal to visit him. He

acknowledged my greeting graciously and quietly, but he gazed at me si-

lently with a look of deep hurt, so marked that I was stricken with re-

morse for my previous conclusion as to his motives in inviting me.

Jean Toomer and others took turns reading from BEELZEBUB’S TALES TO HIS

GRANDSON, with interruptions from time to time by Gurdjieff who wished to

16

stress certain ideas. After the reading I served wine and light refresh-

ments. I personally offered a glass to Gurdjieff, but he shook his head

and thanked me, but again his long silent gaze engulfed me. Members of the

group crowded around him, some were emboldened to pose a question, but

Gurdjieff in top form moved among the members, making keen observations

about this or that personality. These observations were so fitting the we

all realized that his ‘work’ with us had already begun. The stripping away

of the ‘personality masks’ was the first task he set himself, in order to

uncover the ‘essence’ if indeed there was any essence at all to lay bare.

Gurdjieff, in taking leave spoke of the beauty and atmosphere of my stu-

dio. His appreciation and gracious words relieved to a degree my heavy

spirits, but remorse of conscience remained until our next meeting.

The following morning with some trepidation I visited Gurdjieff in the

early morning at Childs restaurant at Van Buren and State streets. Dr.

Stjernvall was seated with Gurdjieff at a table, streams of customers

passed to and fro. It was the custom to await Gurdjieff’s recognition be-

fore seating oneself at his table. After a little while, Gurdjieff who had

been writing, looked up, nodded to me and pointed to a chair. He then made

some observations to Dr. Stjernvall evidently about me. Rather startling

ones: “She – all spoiled - Emotional – Body – masturbation. She already

spoiled.” For those who have not read Gurdjieff’s own writings and those

of some of his disciples, it will be recalled that any excessive or wrong

use of energies of the three bodies, mental, emotional or instinctual,

Gurdjieff termed ‘masturbation’ or wasteful. I was not to learn further

about this pronouncement until a year later when a fuller explanation was

given.

I had had no particular question of burning significance when I decided to

visit Gurdjieff at Childs, which as he said, was ‘his office’ where any

one of the group could join him for coffee and question him. I had wanted

to be in his presence as much as possible, and to pay him deference and to

indicate in some way the remorse I felt. But it was as if the episode had

17

never occurred, and that he was meeting me for the first time. Gurdjieff

was moot, and kept on writing and now and again made some remark in Rus-

sian to Dr. Stjernvall who shortly departed. I remained seated quietly,

studying Gurdjieff when able to do so without him being aware of too close

a scrutiny. He was absorbed in his writing, now and again looking off into

space as though trying to capture a thought or a phrase in which to couch

it. I was completely ignored. The silence, the lack of communication sud-

denly became heavy and oppressive. I finally blurted out, “Mr. Gurdjieff,

I think your observation right but mostly emotional center spoiled.” He

looked up startled as though taken unaware by my unlooked for agreement.

He grunted and said “Why you not order coffee?” I thanked him but suggest-

ed that others would be seeking him out, and indeed two members were al-

ready approaching the table. Thinking they would want privacy I made my

departure.

A group meeting was held at the palatial home of Mara Biggs, one of our

members, the wife of Joseph Biggs, the head of an old and established ca-

tering firm of that name. Mrs. Biggs served a number of exquisite dishes,

more of the luncheon variety, topped by a dessert of individual molds of

ice cream in variegated hues, coffee and liqueurs. I had expected that for

a dinner honoring Gurdjieff, that a roast sucking pig or at most a quarter

of roasted lamb would have been appropriate and in order, since it was

known that Gurdjieff was a superb cook and lavish host. I looked at

Gurdjieff in dismay that he was quite innocently to be subjected to this

elegant party food. He caught my expression completely and one eye closed

and quickly opened, a veritable wink. Gurdjieff sat at Mr. Biggs’ right

hand, the place of honor, Mr. Biggs at the head of the table and Mrs.

Biggs at the foot. I must record that Gurdjieff’s manners were impeccable

in this rather courtly formal atmosphere. On this occasion he allowed Mr.

Biggs the role of host.

After the repast we adjourned to the elegantly appointed living room.

Again Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson were read by various members, and

18

again Gurdjieff enlivened the reading with his personal comments. We all

felt that this palatial home a splendid setting for the Master surrounded

by his eager disciples, and were indeed grateful to Mr. And Mrs. Biggs for

their gracious hospitality. We had learned that Mrs. Biggs was the proud

owner of one of the manuscript copies of ALL AND EVERYTHING. Upon acquir-

ing it Mrs. Biggs requested of Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright that one of the

young architects at Taliesin undertake a cover design for the protection

and enrichment of this large volume.

*I wrote these memoirs in July of 1974, and at this re-typing of June of

1977, I report that I am now the happy owner of this veritable treasure.

Maria Biggs, my friend of forty-five years who has reached the venerable

age of 95 bestowed it upon me recently. Only 102 copies of this type-

written manuscript had been reproduced.

It may have been on the latter occasion that I was again invited to Mr.

Gurdjieff’s hotel to hear him play his music on the harmonium. Dr.

Stjernvall was the only other guest. It must be recalled that I had been

introduced to Gurdjieff as a concert dance artist. The melodies he played

covered a wide range, varying from Eastern folk songs and Temple dances to

the plaintive nostalgic songs of the heart singing of sorrow and loss, or

of the soul immersed in prayer. Each melody penetrated deeper into my

breast until heart and soul were flooded. Finally the emotional burden be-

came so great, and so ardent was my desire to express all of this feeling

in movement that I burst out, “Oh, if only I could dance to this divine

music.” Gurdjieff said, “Then dance – dance.” But I who was encased in a

tight fitting dress felt encumbered, and I did not want my movement to be

compromised. I spoke of my inappropriate attire. Gurdjieff said, “Then

strip – strip off - dance nude.” I wanted to dance and especially for

Gurdjieff. But I was mortified, knowing that to strip off my dress leaving

me in a slip was equally inappropriate, and to dance in Nature’s garb un-

less reverence were present, truly only a vehicle designed to arouse the

erotic. Since Dr. Stjernvall had joined Gurdjieff in urging me to dance I

19

felt that I was being ‘baited.’ I wanted to dance, but I was ashamed to

dance because of the irreverent turn the urging had taken. I also felt

lowered, as though my instinctive desire to respond to Gurdjieff’s music

had been misunderstood. Was this Gurdjieff’s way of bringing to conscious-

ness the conflict raging between the different “I’s?” I was not happy in

the denouement, I felt it a waste that this magnificent music and my high

emotion were left unexpressed. But I was left with a feeling of inner dis-

quiet. I felt that the master had used the circumstances and the occasion

to point out a defect in my nature, that he knew wherein my house was di-

vided and was bringing it to my consciousness. Could it be that my soul

yearned for purity of vision, but that the erotic side of my nature wished

for attachment – involvement?

20

GURDJIEFF’S 1934 VISIT TO THE CHICAGO GROUP - SUMMER

Our Chicago group learned that Gurdjieff would pay us an extended visit

and requested that we find him a furnished apartment located conveniently

where he could prepare luncheons and dinners for our members. Fred Leigh-

ton found an apartment on Superior Street close to Michigan Avenue, an

ideal location. The furnished apartment needed extensive cleaning, since

it had not been occupied for some time. Since I was fairly free of profes-

sional commitments at the time, I volunteered to do the cleaning and put

it in shape for our teacher’s requirements. I had three days time only and

worked continuously ten hours a day. I don’t recall having a vacuum clean-

er, thus accomplished all with broom and carpet sweeper and pails of suds

and water. I envisioned Gurdjieff running his hand over sills and doors,

and mad sure that every nook and corner contained no dust. My labor was

indeed a labor of love. I had not engaged in such house cleaning in all

the 34 years of my life taken all together.

The other women agreed to prepare the dinner on the first night, A

Gurdjieffien type dinner, and the men as a body met Gurdjieff at his

train. I had been working up to the very last and had to return to my

apartment some blocks away to bathe and dress. On arriving home I began to

experience discomfort and soon learned that the menses had arrived prema-

turely due to the great physical strain of the past few days. When I re-

turned I found that all the members were seated at the long dining table,

Gurdjieff at the head. The master greeted me, “Oh Miss Huebert, you final-

ly come? We wait dinner for you. You to sit in place of honor,” and he in-

dicated the chair on his left. This deference and honor were entirely un-

expected, a great surprise. I had no thought that Gurdjieff would make in-

quiry “who clean and make ready apartment for me?””” I glowed with happi-

ness and pleasure. Gurdjieff continued to shower me with attention, and

‘my cup runneth over.’

21

After dinner, the women cleaned up and I was ushered into the living room.

But I soon found that I was in a great distress and pain. The reading from

Beelzebub was about to begin. I was seated opposite to Gurdjieff on a

large upholstered couch at one end, trying to so position myself that less

strain would fall upon the abdomen. I very slowly settled back into the

corner cushions and raised my legs slightly from the floor, so that I was

in a half-sitting, half-reclining position. I felt a little relief when

Gurdjieff sprang to his feet and in regal anger shouted “HOW DARE YOU SIT

THIS WAY IN MY PRESENCE?” I was crushed, annihilated, less humiliated than

appalled that I had given offense, and had apparently shown disrespect for

our teacher. I jerked myself erect and listened with downcast sorrowful

eyes to the reading which had already begun, so lost in mental suffering

that my body pains were no longer felt.

After the reading I decided to make my departure, approached Gurdjieff,

assured him that I meant no disrespect and begged to take leave. He looked

at me curiously, but said nothing. I retired to get my coat and went to

the front door where to my astonishment I found Gurdjieff waiting. I again

assured him of my respect for him and told hm that I had been suffering

great pain, due to menses brought on by physical effort. (I thought it

best that the Master know the facts.) He looked at me kindly and gently

took one of my hands and said, “Better in this case, that you excuse your-

self and lie down for time.” My contracted heart leapt to life again. I

gazed at Gurdjieff in gratitude for his paternal compassionate gesture.

The Master understood all – he had seen the pain in my heart.

A night or two later when seated at the dinner table, again on Gurdjieff’s

left, he suddenly turned to me and in his most ingratiating manner, and

elaborating in much detail he said, “Miss Huebert, for long time I been

studying you – I much puzzled – it take me much more time to solve - but

finally I put all together and now I know about you – it all clear – it

was strange thing in your personality it has to do with centers:

22

“Your instinctive, moving center DEAD – ALL USED UP.”

“Your emotional center, ALMOST DEAD – ALMOST USED UP.”

“Your mental center, STILL INTACT – HARDLY USED AT ALL.”

“NOT YOUR FAULT that moving center used up. Fault of your upbringing

– your elders. When still young, still growing, you exposed to much

physical and nervous strain when young girl needed rest. NOT YOUR

FAULT. I AM SORRY FOR THAT."

This was a bomb shell which had descended upon me. I, a dancer, who needed

above all a body with energy and strength for performance. I took this

heaven pronouncement as Gospel truth. I pondered over it long, worried a

great deal. Long afterwards it came to me that this may have been a warn-

ing, that I must economize instinctive and emotional centers. I must not

allow them to become dissipated. This is what Gurdjieff had meant a year

ago when he said "emotional and body ALL SPOILED.” My mental center began

to function with readings of philosophical works, works to which I was

naturally drawn, and which I used as an inspiration for some of my dance

themes.

The astounding thing was that Gurdjieff had penetrated my background, my

earlier formative years. I had told no one in the group any of the facts.

My father had had two leisure activities in which he took much pleasure.

One was his violin playing in which I accompanied him on the piano, and

the other was as a dancing professor, having grace of body and delight in

dance movement, he taught two private clubs the social dances then in

vogue such as the Maxixe and the Tango. Needing an apartment in which to

demonstrate the various movements he called upon both my sister and my-

self, still in our early teens. We were therefore kept up until midnight

twice in the mid-week because after the lesson we served as partners for

some of the unattached men in the classes. Since I had strong muscles I

prided myself on guiding my partners through the various steps, but I ac-

complished this by a concentration of muscular strength, as a tour de

23

force, with great expenditure of energy. I recall falling to sleep in my

English class in High school around two 0-‘clock on those days following

the midnight hours. How had Gurdjieff discerned the precise circumstances?

The above episode tied in with another observation Gurdjieff made which

indicated his keen perception. One time when he had my complete attention

he stood rather formally before me and went through a rather elaborate

gesture of lifting his foot from the ground and pointing it even as a

dancing master might have done as part of a dance step. This amazed me

greatly because it was the exact gesture my father often made when stand-

ing in front of one of his classes. Evidently while standing or sitting, I

must have made a somewhat similar gesture completely unconsciously, of

course. But Gurdjieff’s wizardry continued to astonish us all.

After one of the dinners prepared by Gurdjieff for our group, the women as

was the custom repaired to the kitchen to clean up and put all in order,

while the men retired to the living room for a smoke. A long hallway sepa-

rated the dining room from the living room. On this occasion a young woman

was returning the glassware to a cabinet which adjoined the long hallway.

She failed to close the doors to the cabinet, and had not proceeded two

steps when the thunderous voice of Gurdjieff burst upon us all. “SHUT

THOSE DOORS.” The young woman had frozen in her steps, but after recovery

returned to the cabinet and meekly closed the doors. She admitted to us

later that this ‘shock’ administered by Gurdjieff so awakened her aware-

ness of self that in all her work involving ‘moving center’ she became

aware of her movements. At that time she was employed as a maid in a hotel

and one of her duties was to make beds. She had often been corrected by a

supervisor for her shoddy work, but these admonitions had made no impres-

sion on her thought it meant a job loss. She continued to dream away. Her

entire attitude towards any work changed after this.

Gurdjieff informed us one day that he was to receive Mr. And Mrs. Frank

Lloyd Wright for dinner and an overnight visit at his apartment, and that

we were to participate in the event. This announcement engendered consid-

24

erable excitement because we had heard much about Olgivanna Wright who had

joined Gurdjieff and his work in Tiflis at the time Gurdjieff had brought

450 of his followers over the Caucasus from Russia into Turk into safety.

It was known that she and Mme. Ostrowska, Gurdjieff’s wife were the two

finest performers of his so called ‘movements’ and dances. We had heard

other tales from Americans who had visited the Prieure as to Olgivanna’s

work ability and of the economy and fitness of her acts and speech. Here

was an opportunity to observe and learn from one who was an exemplar.

Gurdjieff had spent many hours in the kitchen in preparation for this spe-

cial dinner. We gathered at the apartment around seven in the evening. The

Wrights were expected about eight o‘clock. But it had started to rain and

very soon the skies were flooded and there seemed to be no let-up. Eight

o’clock arrived, then nine o’clock but as yet there was no sign of the

Wrights. Gurdjieff repaired to the kitchen a number of times to be certain

that the dinner was kept hot. At nine-thirty the doorbell rang and I hur-

ried to receive the Wrights. Their coats were, and they both looked some-

what strained and frazzled after their five-hour drive from Taliesen in

Wisconsin. Gurdjieff appeared and in his suave oriental and most ingrati-

ating manner welcomed them exclaiming: “We all wait dinner for you, our

most honored guests. Now we can sit down to special prepared feast. All

was kept hot.”

FLW "Sorry Mr. Gurdjieff, had my dinner, Dined at Taliesen. Always eat a

certain hour – have stomach trouble – lots of gas.”

G Showing great consternation, “You not wait for dinner here? – Special

dinner prepared just for you? You, honored guest – You drive 5 hours, time

to eat again, special dinner.”

FLW “Nope, never eat after dinner – sorry – will sit with you at dinner

and talk.”

25

Mr. Gurdjieff continued to remonstrate as the Wrights were ushered into

the dining room. Gurdjieff seated Mr. W. at his right, and Olgivanna sat

on FLW’s right. The salad bowls were already placed in position. Gurdjieff

spoke of the special salad dressing he had prepared. “Very good to start

digestive juices. Mr. W. you eat salad good for your stomach. I know, I

great physician I know chemistry of body. This is just right for you.”

FLW “Nope, wouldn’t dare eat it, it would upset me for an entire night.”

G “This sauce I prepare is for kings, special ingredients, this sauce

a symphony of flavors. Only I can make. You taste only.”

FLW “Nope, sorry, wouldn’t dare.”

G Now showing exasperation and seemingly much angered.

"I COME FROM EAST – GUEST IS MUCH HONORED PERSON. HOST MUST PREPARE BEST FOOD – YOU

HONORED GUEST, BUT YOU NOT HONOR HOST – I PREPARE FOR YOU, BUT YOU NOT HONOR ME."

This burst of anger startled Frank Lloyd Wright into an awareness of

Gurdjieff’s feelings as host, so abandoning his inflexible position and

his preoccupation with his digestive troubles he compromised to the extent

of saying. “To please you, I will taste the sauce.”

Gurdjieff beamed happily, and FLW continued to taste and to eat the salad.

The armor had been pierced and FLW said. “Yes the sauce is good, it may

create gas – I manufacture so much gas that the generator at Taliesen

could be run with it.”

G Responding in kind – “Why Mr. Wright, I also produce gas.” He demon-

strated with a roll of guttural blurbs. "Why I could produce enough gas to

run the whole World’s Fair.”

We had all been amused with this exchange, this play of wills, and mascu-

26

line humour. We were amazed at the outcome. I had glanced at Mrs. W. and

saw that she was greatly tensed. This was the first meeting between her

teacher and her lord-husband. It had taken her three years to achieve this

meeting between the two men who had helped shape her life. Both men mas-

ters in their own rights.

Gurdjieff now served the main dish. As I recall it was a succulent gou-

lash, laced with condiments, whiffs of whose aromatic herbs for over two

hours had tantalized our nostrils and whetted our appetites. FLW ate it

without being urged.

After dinner in the living room FLW said, “Now Mr. G. I am not interested

in your philosophy, but I am interested in your music – Olgivanna has

played some of it for me on the piano. I would like to hear you play on

your harmonium.”

Gurdjieff still beaming took out his harmonium and played a great range of

melodies which wrung our hearts and penetrated to our very essences.

Olgivanna Wright previously as a matter of course had come to the kitchen

to help. I remonstrated, saying that she had so little time to be with

Gurdjieff. She smiled but shook her head, “There will be time enough.”

I was not to know the outcome of this meeting until twenty years later

when Olgivanna Wright whom I had sought out in 1953 became my guide, my

second teacher in the work.

Mrs. Wright told me the facts:

During the night around 2 a.m. Mr. Wright awakened with violent pains,

moaning and cursing Gurdjieff, his devilish oriental dishes, his wife’s

insistence the he meet with Gurdjieff, and cursing his fate in general.

Mrs. Wright desperate and wrought up herself by this disastrous turn of

affairs found a hot water bottle and after about two hours Mr. Wright had

27

some relief. Mrs. Wright told me that this was the first time in all the

seven years she had known Gurdjieff that she had doubts about her teacher.

She was appalled at the result.

At 8 o’clock the next morning Mrs. Wight was shaken out of a fretful sleep

with a cheery “Good morning Mother, wake up and prepare me a breakfast of

bacon and eggs. I feel wonderful.”

The master had been successful. The various condiments and herbs he had

employed had stirred up the gall bladder, inflamed it to be sure, but had

forced it to empty its contents. Gurdjieff had carefully inquired as to

FLW’s symptoms when he had talked with Mrs. Wright before their coming. He

had planned it all. That is the reason that he had to employ any and all

desperate means to get FLW to eat his “special dishes.”

Mrs. Wright told me that Gurdjieff had affected a permanent cure. The con-

gestion and blockage of the gall-bladder which had caused so much discom-

fort never reoccurred. From then on Gurdjieff and FLW were firm friends.

At the time of Gurdjieff’s death FLW delivered a memorial address at unity

Church in Madison, Wisconsin which he had designed. His opening words were

to this effect. “We are here to pay homage to a great man, the greatest

man who has lived in this century.”

On the above occasion Mrs. Wright told me that she remembered me very

well. That I was the only woman whom she had remembered. This early recog-

nition of my individuality surprised me. Coming from my revered second

teacher it also pleased me very much. Mrs. Wright related how she had

achieved this meeting. For three years she had made many efforts to bring

these great men together. But FLW had been jealous of her association with

Gurdjieff and had always avoided the encounter. One day Mrs. Wright said

to him in a reflective and coaxing manner, “Frank, wherever we have gone,

all over the world, you have always been first, WOULDN’T IT BE AN INTER-

ESTING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU TO BE SECOND?” FLW’s response,

28

“WHY YES MOTHER, I THINK THAT COULD BE AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE.”

Gurdjieff wished to visit the Worlds Fair and he asked me to accompany

him. I was very happy to do so, thinking it a privilege to be near at hand

should he voice his thoughts concerning the exhibits. I met him at his

apartment and we walked to the elevated-subway. He paid the fares and I

preceded him, sitting on one of the side seats close to the entrance door.

He sat down beside me, but almost immediately sprang up and crossing the

aisle, sat in the side seat opposite. This strange rather bizarre behavior

startled me. It looked as though Gurdjieff didn’t wish to fall into the

usual man-woman relationship, the man squiring the woman. This behavior I

didn’t accept an affront to my womanhood, nor to the conventional courte-

sies. I was so amused by it that I had to turn my head to gaze out the

window, my hand raised to my face to hide a smile. Gurdjieff continued to

regard the advertising, and now and again would extract nuts from his coat

pocket, throw them into his mouth, and crunch away with considerable

noise. I felt however that Gurdjieff was aware of all my reactions.

Arriving at the Fair grounds, Gurdjieff paid the entrance fees and immedi-

ately discovered a billboard giving the location and directions to the

various exhibits and the mechanical exhibits demonstrating the new ma-

chines connected with industry. We found these displays and Gurdjieff

looked around for a vendor or a small consignment which might have nuts

for sale. We found nothing, and turning to me he said, “Misa Huebert, you

think you can find?” I thought surely this was no great problem and ac-

cepted the 50 cents he offered me. He said he would remain at the exhib-

its.

I walked around for two or three blocks, finding neither a machine or ven-

dor. I despaired. But close by I saw an Oriental rug display and thinking

the proprietor might be able to direct me I entered the pavilion. The rugs

were on exhibit but no one was in sight. I moved to one end where I no-

ticed a small office, and entering came upon two oriental gentlemen smok-

29

ing the water pipe and drinking Turkish coffee. The proprietor arose

thinking I was a customer. I soon dispelled this idea telling them that I

was in the company of a great oriental sage, a philosopher who very much

craved nuts. Could they direct me? They assured me that nuts were not to

be found except at the restaurants many blocks distant. I did not want to

disappoint Gurdjieff and was emboldened to request of them that they ac-

commodate this great man and sell me a few of their own store. They looked

at each other in wonderment, but finally the proprietor nodded and went to

a cabinet, took out a jar filled with almonds, and scattered some on a pa-

per. Thanking him for his courtesy I left the 50 cents on the table and

hurried back to Gurdjieff, handling him the almonds triumphantly. He stud-

ied the opened paper containing the almonds, almonds of the finest quali-

ty, and said, “Where you find?” I told him the whole story. He shook his

head in some doubt saying. “Naive you naïve Miss Huebert.” He shoved the

nuts into his pocket after offering me a few.

Gurdjieff had received an invitation from Mr. And Mrs. Wright to visit

them and the Taliesen fellowship for as long a period as he could spare

from his work with us. Gurdjieff decided to go fro one week, so on the

following Sunday morning at 8 o’clock our entire Chicago group gathered at

the old Polk street station to see him off. About 50 minutes remained be-

fore the train pulled out and everyone hoped to have a few private words

with the Master. Gurdjieff approached me and said, “Miss Huebert, I not

take time to purchase herbs before trip – I need badly – I will cook for

fellowship every – day I cannot cook without herbs. Will you do great fa-

vor for me and find before train leave?”

Time was precious. I had about fifty cents in my purse besides carfare. I

did not wish to ask Gurdjieff for money, so I said, “I will try.” He cau-

tioned me, “You must have before train leaves.”

Anyone who knows that part of Chicago will have an idea of the hazards I

was up against. It is an industrial section, thus on a Sunday morning res-

30

taurants would not be opened. A grocery store without clients would hardly

be opened, if indeed any such existed at all. I practically ran the entire

time, first away from the railroad environs, then passing factories and

small businesses. Everything appeared shabby, there was no life whatsoev-

er. I then ran up and down the side streets and must by now have gone a

half mile from the station

Finally I saw a small corner restaurant, Greek to be sure. I ran to the

kitchen where the owner was making his morning coffee. He looked at me as

though I were a ghost. I blurted out my story, “ A Greek philosopher, our

teacher was waiting at the station for his train. All of his pupils were

there to see him off. He is to visit a very famous host and his wife and

since he is an accomplished cook he will do some of the cooking but he

needs some Greek herbs, would you supply a few?

This good man went to his shelf, found a small bag and sprinkled various

herbs from a number of jars, mixing them all together. I poured out my

thanks, left him the 50 cents, and again ran the entire way back to the

station. I had great fear that I had missed Gurdjieff, that I had failed

him in this small task. But, no, as I approached the station, I saw the

group still gathered around the Master, his head towering over theirs,

looking for some sign of my return. I was grateful for his concern. I

panted up to him and handed him the small bag. He looked at it in wonder-

ment, “What you find?” I said “yea, but they are all mixed together.” He

looked again at the bag in disbelief, and then with a grunt of satisfac-

tion stuffed it into his pocket. The train was coming. Gurdjieff graceful-

ly swung himself aboard, and waved to us as the pulled away. I was hear-

broken to see him go. How I wished that I could have accompanied him. I

had no glimpse into the future and could never have fathomed that 20 years

later that I too would be traveling along this same route to Taliesin, and

that I would be making this trip by train or by car over a hundred times

to be with Mrs. Wright my second teacher.

31

There is an aftermath to this story. I learned the details 20 years later

from one of the members of the Taliesin fellowship when I told him of the

task Gurdjieff had given me. He laughed uproariously and said, “Why Mrs.

Faidy, Gurdjieff brought with him an entire satchel of herbs, herbs of

every kind from all over the world.”

I also would like to relate an episode which concerns Mrs. Wright, alt-

hough this episode might well be included in her memoirs. She told it to

me herself.

“After Gurdjieff had prepared his first meal at Taliesin, it was a lunch-

eon, a meeting had been set up for the entire fellowship to meet with

Gurdjieff in the large family living room where he would talk to them and

excerpts from Beelzebub would be read. All gathered as planned and sat in

circles at the feet of the Master, there must have been at least 70. Mrs.

Wright was talking with Gurdjieff while each found his place. When

Gurdjieff began to talk with the group, Mrs. Wright thought that this

would be a splendid opportunity to catch up on some of her own work, work

long neglected, especially since the readi9ng would be a repetition for

her, and without anyone noticing (so she thought) she disappeared through

a side door. After 2 hours time she thought she had better return before

the reading was quite over. She slipped back through the same side door

and was about to take a seat when Gurdjieff said, “Well Olgivanna, now

that you are here, we can begin the reading.” Gurdjieff had kept everyone

enthralled for two hours, but the reading was not to start without the

presence of the hostess, the mistress of Taliesin. Mrs. Wright told me she

had learned her lesson.

Gurdjieff had brought with him from New York about 200 copies of his pa-

perbound book The Herald of Coming Good, which had recently come off the

press. He had written it in the form of an enlarged ‘prospectus’ expound-

ing his principles, his precepts and his aims for re-establishing his

school at the Prieure, Fontainebleau, France. He anticipated its wide dis-

32

tribution by all of his former pupils, present adherents and interested

people in general with sufficient funds raised in this manner to under-

write the publication of his great work. ALL AND EVERYTHING OR BEELZEBUB’S

TALES TO HIS GRANDSON.

I had obtained a copy of it and had read it within a day or two so ardent

was I to contact his thoughts and plans. I was however, hardly prepared to

answer a serious question Gurdjieff put to me a few days after his arri-

val. He asked my opinion if I found anything objectionable in it that

might cause him to withhold it from a public distribution. I realized the

serious import of such a decision and the far-reaching effect it would

have. I reflected a few moments then ventured a few remarks. I said that I

hardly felt competent to utter an opinion. That I had some reservation

about his activity as a professional hypnotist being understood by those

who had not as yet contacted his ideas and work. That certainly all of his

disciples would encompass that phase of his search and his work. This was

in 1934 it must be recalled, when the practice of hypnotism was not a

standard method of treatment, and when the charlatan was apt to partici-

pate in fraudulent schemes by this method. Gurdjieff listened to me care-

fully, and it was a day or two later after having had conferences with

some of the men in our group whose opinions he respected that he made the

decision to destroy all of those volumes. They had been stored in my stu-

dio before distribution and Gurdjieff gave me the solemn task of personal-

ly burning them in my incinerator. I was appalled at the task, but of

course would faithfully follow his decision. Before taking leave of him I

gathered up enough courage to say, “Mr. Gurdjieff, I possess nothing at

all of your writings, and I request that I be permitted to withhold a copy

for myself. I will treasure it. Mr. Gurdjieff studied me long – and then

smiled. He did knot give me verbal permission, but I felt that my request

had been granted.

On one occasion, at the termination of a meeting, one of our male members,

who had been following the lore of planetary configurations approached

33

Gurdjieff who was standing at one side and in some trepidation broached

the subject of the horoscope and its influence upon the life, hoping for

an opportune moment to elicit from Gurdjieff the all important natal data

of the Master. As I recall, Gurdjieff smiled enigmatically, observing that

astrology was a long lost art, tho truths known practiced in the Babyloni-

an times, that only fragments remained.

Only recently when talks as remembered by his Russian students came to

print, did his definitive statement concerning the horoscope come to

light. The horoscope Gurdjieff said was ‘our limitation.’ In lieu of ‘the

work’ it might be considered a blue print of those subjective traits, in-

herent weaknesses which must be transformed by way of conscious effort in

order to realize a larger more objective frame of reference, a cosmology

which could embrace all 12 signs of the zodiac. Only then when the ego is

free of its highly personal eccentricities might it be said that the Es-

sence has grown in stature and approaches the Godhead.

Some time during Gurdjieff’s stay after noticing a number of food stains

which had accumulated on his vest and coat, I wanted to supply him with

some kind of cover-all to be used while preparing our meals. I could not

visualize Gurdjieff in an ordinary butchers apron. His Being and his pres-

ence required a more formal, professional uniform. My European doctor had

worn a black alpaca coat, similar to that worn by the Rabbi, and I thought

that this would be acceptable to Gurdjieff.

I approached him on the subject and he was touched by my concern but said

that he allowed the stains to remain intentionally, ‘intentional suffer-

ing” because by nature he was fastidious of dress and person. “I do this

to oppose slavish fastidiousness.’ This was an object lesson for me and

others. Tho Master was continuously using every means as a reminding fac-

tor. ‘Work on inherent mechanicality.’

On a number of occasions Gurdjieff asked me to accompany him on shopping

34

expeditions. I remember that we found a Greek grocery on West Chicago Ave-

nue where the proprietor was asked to kill two chickens freshly while we

waited. We also found Greek Yaourti and Rose Jam, that delicious jam made

in Greece from Rose petals. The aroma was unmistakable. It brought back

memories of my Greek trip made in the summer of 1932.

Gurdjieff asked me if I could find a wooden bowl for his use in making

salad. I had to go to many stores before I found one. When presenting it

to him, he grasped it in such a way that I knew that he was experiencing

instinctive, sensitive nature consciously. This awareness made an impres-

sion upon me.

Upon Gurdjieff’s return from his visit with Mr. And Mrs. Wright, he stayed

at the apartment of Max and Shirley Grove, two of our members, for a few

days, preparing dinners for the group in their kitchen. Gurdjieff asked me

if I would be free to help him. And if so to come ‘early in morning.’ As

soon as I made my appearance Gurdjieff asked me if I knew the kind of veg-

etables that he liked ‘to prepare salad.’ “You know exactly what kind I

use, Miss Huebert?” I assured him that I did. I found all the vegetables

that he generally used, but noticed some luscious red radishes. I thought

that Gurdjieff might be pleased with this addition. Upon my return in

sorting out the vegetables he started to swear in Russian, a veritable

stream of invectives, and in great anger and in disgust threw both bunches

of radishes to the floor. “You stupid, you not observe.” And more swearing

in Russian. I was aghast, so vehement was his anger. To be sure I had di-

verged from explicit directions. I was sound asleep. I did not fathom un-

til long afterwards the reason why Gurdjieff never included radishes in

his salad.

It was Gurdjieff’s custom to make a great deal of salad, so that it could

be used on the next or even the following day. The dressing acted as a

marinade and always tasted fresh. One day I myself had some left over sal-

ad, which however had contained radishes. I found that the radishes had

35

deteriorated over night and had spoiled the remaining salad greens.

After his cooking preparations were complete. Gurdjieff retired, as was

his custom to his bedroom for an hours rest. I myself was very sleepy

since it was a particularly hot and humid day, and asked Gurdjieff if I

might rest on the living room sofa. “Of course you rest, rest one hour.” I

fell asleep immediately and after a sound sleep was suddenly alerted by a

noise, and set up, hardly knowing where I was. As I was getting my bear-

ings, I noticed Gurdjieff staring at me with astonishment. “SO THAT IS

WHAT YOU ARE.” It was Gurdjieff’s emergence from his room, which had awak-

ened me, and he had had a glimpse of my Essence, before I had had an op-

portunity to assume any mask. I think Gurdjieff was pleased with what he

saw.

At dinner that night Gurdjieff told us a story, He spoke of the ‘night

scavengers’ those lowly men who had the abysmal and sordid task in the

dead of night, I believe this was in Persia, of gathering the human excre-

ment from the out-houses, packing it in bags or skins and carrying it away

on their shoulders.

He drew a parallel of the shifting contents of the bag and the various

contours thus formed during the labored walk to the ‘shifting nature’ of

one of our women members. ‘One who had no direction, who change with the

wind, and who has no aim. This was directed at one we all honored and

loved. It was to this woman one went if anyone had a special problem to

talk over. We were all abashed, and a little horrified.

It may be that Gurdjieff did aim his shaft at this woman and the circum-

stances of her life might have confirmed this appraisal. She had come from

an old Chicago family of some wealth and status. The wealth had suddenly

disappeared, other members of the family had faced the reality of their

situation and had taken jobs, but this woman lived from day to day inter-

esting herself in little Theatre and Art movements. One prominent society

36

woman who had often been appealed to in regard to the above used to say

“Miss------- is always engaged in ‘lost causes” But this is the negative

aspects of her endeavors. On the positive side she had a very definite

role in helping many a young artist to obtain a patron and financial help

which started him on the road to success in his career. As a matter of

fact it was this woman who practically initiated the Chicago Gurdjieff

group, introducing Jean Toomer, the leader Gurdjieff himself had appoint-

ed, to potential members.

Earnings from these sporadic attempts to obtain support for her various

enterprises were very minor and did not sustain her life. Thus in a sense

she might be considered a dilettante who was unwilling to face ‘reality’

because she was perpetually dependent upon other members of her family

On the other hand Gurdjieff may have aimed the shaft at us all. The Chica-

go group in the main were notoriously poor except for two or three mem-

bers. A number including myself were engaged in the arts. It is quite

shameful to admit that it was some months after Gurdjieff’s departure be-

fore the rent for his apartment was settled. Gurdjieff made the remark on

one occasion, “Chicago group, none can made business, none can do,”

But as Gurdjieff well knew from the thousands who were attracted to his

ideas and work, perhaps over 50% were mis-fits in life, in the outer

world, and their disillusion and disappointments thus suffered in failure

caused them to search for other values, the values of the inner life, its

growth and fulfillment.

It takes many years of self discovery by self observation to be able to

combat mechanicality whereby the outer conditions may be altered. And it

is that man who has achieved ‘center of gravity’ who can hope to ‘do’, who

can have ‘aim’ and can direct his ‘will’ consciously, to achieve that aim.

A meeting was to be held at my studio at 919 Rush Street, a new location

37

from that formerly visited by Gurdjieff. We women were to prepare the din-

ner while the men accompanied Gurdjieff to a Russian steam bath. Dinner

was ready waiting their arrival, and soon we heard their masculine conviv-

iality, delighting in their unusual experience with the Master, and se-

cretly gloating over the fact that the women were excluded.

I must confess that I secretly envied them, but at the same time I was in-

tuitively aware that men must retain the masculine, patriarchal preroga-

tive of experiencing activities and rites together.

A woman of about thirty five who lived out of town had recently joined our

group. She attended this dinner and had brought with her a devoted young

woman pupil of 17 to meet Gurdjieff. Gurdjieff lavished attention upon

this young girl, and I who had enjoyed rather marked attention from

Gurdjieff at meetings, indeed between meetings as well, and felt somewhat

privileged, for the first time felt a pang of jealousy. In retrospect, I

must say it was only the second time in my life that I had experienced

this devastating emotion.

This feeling augmented throughout the dinner and evening. Many toasts were

drunk to the various ‘idiots’ and a number of glasses of Armagnac were

left one-third empty. I felt a kind of desperation mounting and reckless-

ness, and asked two or three members if I might finish their glasses. They

consented, regarding my unusual behavior with growing curiosity, quite

aware of the master’s purpose. I began to feel slightly unsteady not ac-

customed to more than a small glassful.

We learned that the young girl had the same birthday as mine. February

22nd, and I exclaimed, “Then we are twins.” Gurdjieff remonstrated, shak-

ing his head and said, “You not to make comparison, this is innocent young

girl.”

There was no reading that evening, and around eleven o’clock all the mem-

38

bers had left. My head was swimming and I was glad to fall upon the bed

partly dressed. During the night I was deathly sick. At nine o’clock in

the morning, still feeling very shaky I was surprised to find a woman mem-

ber at my door. Gurdjieff knew that I would be ill and had asked her to go

to my aid. I recovered fairly well during the day and appeared at his

apartment for dinner that night, pale and wan. His comment, “You not need

spirits, Miss Huebert, you already high, no drink liquor.”

This woman from out-of-town, the teacher of the young girl mentioned above

had a tragic future, and a tragic end. We had all noticed her extreme in-

ner tension which remained constant. Her brown eyes were filled with fire,

and this foreboded ‘insanity’ as a number of us were aware. Indeed at one

of the first meetings she attended during Gurdjieff’s visit he enunciated,

nodding his head, “She to experience force of Moon.” “Cannot prevent.” He

was smiling at her at the time, and I do not think she was aware of this

implication. Fritz Peters has recounted her story and her end in his book

Gurdjieff Remembered.

On one of our excursions Gurdjieff stopped off with me at my apartment for

coffee and a short rest, it being one of the hottest days of the year. Af-

ter climbing the long flight of stairs I noticed that Gurdjieff was suf-

fering and panting from the heat. He loosened his collar and sat down. I

quickly found a small Turkish towel and immersed it in cold water, and

brought it to him, placing it over his domed head and face. He refreshed

himself by brushing it over neck, head and face, and in returning it to me

he said, rather touched by my concern and motherly attention, “I not know

this side of you.”

At another time, again while on an excursion after a group meeting,

Gurdjieff asked me if I knew some colorful coffee house to visit “for en-

livenment.” I was not very knowledgeable in these matters although I

should have been – living for a number of years on Rush Street, which now

claims the most nightclubs per mile than any other spot in Chicago. I re-

39

membered that a new restaurant had opened on Ontario Street; I had however

never visited it. I thought it might be a colorful spot since it was run

by Greeks. We entered – to a completely empty room – not a customer in

sight. Gurdjieff however took a table and though hesitant I sat down, ap-

palled at my choice. The waiter hurried over and almost fawned before us,

so impressed was he by Gurdjieff’s stature. We had coffee in dead silence.

There was no cheer, nor new impressions, nor interesting personalities to

study. I was completely staggered with my fateful choice, especially be-

cause I wished in every way possible to see Gurdjieff relaxed and enjoying

himself, relieved from the pressures and responsibilities of his work. He

gazed at me almost expressionless, perhaps unbelieving that my naiveté

could be so abysmally dense.

Our last meal with Gurdjieff before his departure for New York was ar-

ranged by Fred Leighton at the Athenaeum, a famous Greek restaurant situ-

ated at Lake and Wabash Street now long torn down. We had met Gurdjieff

and escorted him as a group, happy that he was to have a little diversion

and respite from his hours in the kitchen. We arrived around two o’clock;

only a few customers were finishing a late lunch. Gurdjieff was ebullient

and playful; the men were sparkling with humor and the women pleased and

expectant. Two or three tables were placed end to end and the waiters hov-

ered over us waiting to take orders. Special dishes were ordered by

Gurdjieff for us all, and the kitchen help put to work. Gurdjieff ordered

a Greek wine which we sipped leisurely while awaiting the dishes.

Gurdjieff was in fine form, and all were relaxed and in a happy mood. Sud-

denly Gurdjieff exploded in thunderous tones of such intensity that rever-

berations sounded throughout the large room. Our dishes and glasses seemed

about to burst in the explosion, which continue to mount until all the

waiters came running frantically to learn the cause. Gurdjieff was com-

plaining about the service, the delay. The waiters rushed back to the

kitchen to prod the cooks. The small waiter who had taken the orders from

Gurdjieff, a very slight man unusually small in structure hovered over

Gurdjieff wringing his hands in despair, assuring Gurdjieff in a strained

40

high voice that all would be ready shortly for the master. His distress

was so great that I was appalled. The group to the man had frozen from the

impact, especially since the harangue remained unabated. I alone in the

group thought this explosion so outrageous; that I couldn’t believe that

it was real. The time wait had not been that great to warrant such an out-

burst. I looked at Gurdjieff appraisingly, curiously. He caught my look of

disbelief, and one eye opened and closed, even during the continued explo-

sion. Of course, he was acting, for what purpose? It was seen very soon.

The poor little frail waiter became a spectacle of pity, so completely had

he been annihilated. He continued to wring his hands and walk around the

long table as though to bring some assurance that the meal would shortly

be served Gurdjieff’s act came to an end as suddenly as it had begun. The

dishes were soon served, and all began to eat, subdu8ed and reflective.

Only Gurdjieff continued with his jovial bonhomie as high in spirits as

before. At the completion of the meal, all the waiters appeared bowing to

the Master, the frail little wraith standing close by. Gurdjieff called

him over paying him the amount of the bill, showered him with compliments,

praised the food and the service, and then handed the dazzled frail little

man an enormous tip which he looked at in disbelief. We departed and every

soon were reflecting upon the spectacle of a man without ‘center of gravi-

ty’ destroyed by an accident, a happening in life with Gurdjieff acting as

the instrument. This object lesson staged by Gurdjieff for the benefit of

his disciples was catastrophic in nature. It was Gurdjieff’s final lesson

before his departure. I felt great pity for the frail little man who had

been sacrificed for our benefit.

Before Gurdjieff took leave of us, he spoke privately to a number who had

requested an interview. I recall vividly my talk with him. He studied me

for a long time then asked me if I ‘would follow him to New York and re-

main with him for some time.’ I was deeply touched, and somewhat torn, and

overwhelmed with the implications of his offer. But I had no overpowering

conflict in making my decision. I told him that I was deeply appreciative

of his interest and care for my growth possibilities under his supervi-

41

sion, but that I had a sense of ‘mission’ in my own work in the dance, and

that I must follow this path, wherever it took me. He looked at me kindly

and accepted my decision. He respected my autonomy of choice. I realized

my decision was a fateful one. That my Destiny had chosen.

In the three visits Gurdjieff mad to his Chicago group very little direct

teaching was made, very little exposition or clarification of precepts.

The reading out loud of All and Everything by one or another member of the

group was the central theme of our concentration and reflection. While

Gurdjieff himself listened carefully to the English translation and occa-

sionally interrupted with a small correction or addition, he was aware of

each members attention and reactions to the great ideas enunciated. Our

smallest gestures were noted. Gurdjieff himself was the Great Exampler.

His complete awareness, his towering consciousness gathering us all in its

wide embrace suffused the room. The Baraka, the spiritual Essence flowing

from the Master enveloped us. Heightening our own awareness and widening

our vision. We were transported into another domain, a higher dimension of

Reality. We felt blessed.

But we all felt an inner urgency to make haste. The awful realization that

there was a limited amount of Time in which to break through the thrust of

habit, prejudices, abject laziness and ego satisfactions and to begin the

long struggle gripped our minds. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE LIKE A Dog?” coming

from Gurdjieff in thunderous tones descended upon us like an avalanche

freezing our hearts and minds in the terror of our situation.

Thus for a fleeting moment we had a glimpse into that Fate which awaited

us unless we were in possession of a permanent ‘I’, a Soul which could

withstand the ravages and death of the body. Thus Gurdjieff was able to

raise the level of our awareness and the level of our response. Our ef-

forts at ‘self-observation’ became more intense and our moments of ‘self-

remembering’ increased over a longer span.

42

After Gurdjieff’s departure, our Chicago group meetings were somewhat spo-

radic in nature. Jean Toomer, our leader who was a writer had met a woman

writer whom he shortly married. His wife, Margery however attended our

meetings during the months before the birth of their child. She was to

lose her life in giving life and Jean’s world for a time fell apart. Fred

Leighton and his wife had moved to New York, moving their business, The

Indian Trading Post to the East. They became active members of one of the

New York groups.

Gurdjieff during his Chicago visit had created a great rift. Two or three

members had been struck at ‘chief feature’ and not being able to accept

the blow to their vanity or ego no longer were active in our work.

Gurdjieff had separated the wheat from the chaff. He had made the serious

observation to us all ‘that he had noticed strange thing in psyche of each

one of us, very one sided, very bad, and evidence of wrong work. That we

had centered our attention on observing the personality, 'it wants' 'it

does not want' – 'it is this one time, and that another time.' But that

there was no concurrent work on “I"– I AM – I WISH – I CAN, therefore Es-

sence remained asleep, undeveloped. This of course was a negative reflec-

tion upon Jean Toomer, our leader. Group work ended all together when jean

Toomer moved to New York, having met and married a second Margery whose

home was in New York City.

43

MEETING WITH GURDJIEFF IN NEW YORK JANUARY 1935

Around Christmas time, 1934 I had the inspiration to wire Gurdjieff whom I

learned was still in New York. I asked in my telegram if he could make use

of a suckling pig for his New Year’s dinner. If so I would have my father

send him one refrigerated by plane. He responded by wire. “Suggest you not

send pig and come yourself.”

This so delighted and encouraged me that I made a special effort to raise

the fare to New York. To economize I had to take a bus, traveling 18 solid

hours, having wired Gurdjieff in advance of my coming. Arriving in New

York about 8 in the morning I immediately checked into a hotel somewhere

in the vicinity of Gurdjieff’s apartment. I was in a state of profound ex-

haustion, body and nerves frayed to the core. I could not even think of

telephoning Gurdjieff, I was only half alive. Throwing myself on the bed I

slept a few hours and early in the afternoon telephoned Gurdjieff. He re-

monstrated, “Misa Huebert, why you not come directly to me from bus? I re-

serve room for you with landlady. I wait all night for you.” I was com-

pletely bowled over to think that the Master had been so thoughtful of me

and my comfort. I went to his apartment immediately and upon arrival he

again chided me for my delay in not coming to him. I hardly had any words

of explanation. I was overcome by his sense of care, a disciple who had

refused his offer, who had chosen to go her own path.

As I recall, Gurdjieff at that time was not involved with group meetings,

and I remembered that I was surprised not to encounter more members from

the various groups. I believe that many were visiting family or friends

during the holidays. Some had left town. I also had some time to visit old

friends whom I had known during my three year sojourn in New York from

1927-1939 when my professional career was in full swing after my year of

study and performance in Europe.

44

Once Gurdjieff questioned me as to whether I had ever had any experience

in ‘foreseeing future.” It seemed to me that his spirit was troubled, that

he was preoccupied, as though waiting for some sign to come to a decision.

He said ‘that young person, was ideal subject for foreseeing future.’ I

told him that I had no gifts what-so-ever as a medium, that I had myself

consulted one on two occasions. He dismissed the whole subject*

* John Bennett in his recent work GURDJIEFF –MAKING A NEW WORLD, has

thrown light upon the inner state of Gurdjieff’s spirit at the time I vis-

ited him in January of 1935. He had experienced a great shock in the un-

timely death of Orage in November of 1934, having made plans for the

spreading of his ideas and work with the help of Orage who was the only

disciple whose experience in the work, persuasive powers, and dedication

to Gurdjieff personally particularly fitted him for this role of harbin-

ger. I sensed Gurdjieff’s inner questioning, and his indecision and doubt

as to the next step to take, thus his desire to have a glimpse into the

future, through mediumship, were I gifted in this direction.

During this visit Gurdjieff went to elaborate pains to instruct me to car-

ry out a small task for him. I was to telephone an old friend, Rominy Ma-

rie at her coffee house to ‘give her a certain message. Nothing more.’ I

was able to reach her in the afternoon, and I gave her Gurdjieff’s mes-

sage. She seemed a little confused and asked me a question in French. In

my faltering French I told her that I was following Gurdjieff’s explicit

directions and could not elaborate further. Later Gurdjieff followed very

closely what I had said, how I had carried out his instruction. I felt

that he was testing me. I had diverged from his exact directions in the

matter of answering in French.

Later that evening Gurdjieff took me to Rominy Marie’s colorful coffee

house. She greeted him in the manner of an old friend. Gurdjieff seemed to

be very relaxed in her company and later I learned that he had known her,

a gypsy in Central Asia.

45

I have no memory of taking leave of Gurdjieff, but my stay was a short

one. I had to return to Chicago to prepare for a concert at the Art Insti-

tute of Chicago.

46

GURDJIEFF IN NY 1935 OR 1936 – I AM UNSURE ABOUT THE YEAR

I had left for New York on a professional mission, to try to make connec-

tion with some film company to record in film and sound the great dance

drama and solo dances of the leading contemporary dancers. I had already

written Martha Graham, Dorio Humphrey, Charles Weldman, Tamiris, and one

or two others to learn if they were interested in my effort, and if so to

authorize me to make the preliminary contact. I was greatly concerned that

these magnificent early works might go unrecorded and that future genera-

tions would be deprived of them, the works of the great pioneers in the

movement. I had felt it a catastrophe, an irreparable loss that the works

of a Pavlova, and an Isadora were forever lost.

I had one dance drama of my own the WHEEL OF REBIRTH inspired by my contact

with Gurdjieff’s work and Eastern philosophy in general, relating to the

idea of repetition, which I felt worth of recording on film. I also had a

few solo works which I thought significant for perpetuation

Upon my arrival I had interviews with each artist, speaking of the possi-

bilities. I began to make telephone calls and was interviewed by a number

of executives. I was not making much headway since the ‘art dance’ had not

made a great impact upon them. Someone directed me to Mr. ------- the ar-

tistic director of the Brooklyn Museum of Art. He was a man of culture and

vision who had on many occasions brought the great contemporary artists

and their companies to the museum. Thus his interest was immediate. He

committed himself, his own money, to the project to 50% of the costs, if I

could interest a film company to underwrite the remaining 50%. I was

enheartened. But my time was running short.

One afternoon I was walking along Fifth Avenue when I recognized Jean

Toomer approaching me. He was as equally surprised to see me, as I him. He

questioned me if I had come to New York to see Gurdjieff. My astonishment

47

in learning of Gurdjieff’s presence was my answer. I told Jean of my pro-

fessional mission. He said on parting that he would telephone me after

speaking with Margery his wife to see when they could receive me.

I immediately went to Childs restaurant, I think it was at 57th street. I

found Gurdjieff seated alone at a table and approached him. He looked up,

but did not seem to recognize me immediately. But finally he connected me

with the Chicago group when I told him of encountering Jean Toomer. He

asked me to have coffee with him and was most gracious. Soon three young

men, disciples of his joined us, Gurdjieff making the introductions.

Gurdjieff was very jovial and said that I must accompany them to dinner

‘at famous Assyrian restaurant.’ I sensed that the young men resented my

unexpected presence, and I told Gurdjieff that I had already had dinner at

another Child’s restaurant down the street. Gurdjieff said, ‘Pig eats and

is finished, man can always eat.’ You come with us Miss Huebert.’ Because

of his insistence, and my great joy at seeing him again, and in spite of

the disapproval of the young men I agreed, saying that I would have coffee

and dessert with them.

We took a cab to the restaurant which was situated in an old neighborhood.

Gurdjieff was received with much respect and aplomb by the proprietor and

the waiters. We ordered a special lamb dish, and himself went to the

kitchen to give orders and to inspect. He also ordered the head of the

lamb, and when it was served he took out an eye and offered it to me, say-

ing ‘it most delicious part.’ I could not accept this dainty tidbit, but I

did consume the roasted lamb and proved ‘that man can always eat.’ The

dinner was very gay, the young disciples vied with each other for

Gurdjieff’s attention and approval. Gurdjieff told stories. When the bill

was present to Gurdjieff he remonstrated loudly over one or two items. We

wondered if those who had showed such respect for him could have taken ad-

vantage of his known generosity. The waiter bowed in chagrin, agreeing to

go over the bill once more. He made a change. With that Gurdjieff beamed

at him, paid the bill and handed the waiter a handsome tip. The waiter was

48

overjoyed and bowed many times. Gurdjieff invited me to visit him at his

apartment the next day. I was happy to accept.

I arrived at Gurdjieff’s apartment as I recall around 3 p.m. He received

me and said ‘to go to front room and be seated.’ A few minutes later he

appeared, looked at me in an hypnotic way and proceeded to go through the

following maneuvers.

Keeping his eyes fixed upon me he stealthily approached the high wall

bookcase, looked around the room as if to see if anyone else were watching

him, and climbed up the bookcase on certain vacant spaces on the shelves.

Again he looked at me and reached onto one of the high shelves and

stealthily from a hidden corner drew forth – a box of chocolates. He

thrust the box to his breast and climbed down, came over to me who was

wrapt in astonishment, proceeded to pen the box very slowly, thrust the

box toward me, and in sepulchral tones pronounce O N E. I extracted a

chocolate and Gurdjieff shut the lid with a great noise, climbed back in

the same stealthy manner, put the box in its corner, and coming down ap-

proached me. “If you not watch carefully, you to suffer liver complaint,

such as my own Mother suffered. This come on you later in life.”

The message could not have been more explicit. I as well as most dancers

craved sweets, especially chocolates, and had always over-indulged. Sugar

we know to be a quick means of supplying energy, and exhausted dancers al-

ways turned to this source for quick replenishment.

This dramatic episode made a considerable impression on me. I am still re-

minded of Gurdjieff’s elaborate means to warn me. Twice when I went beyond

all caution, I went without candy of any kind for three years. I have not

limited myself to ONE but I have cut down considerably.

Gurdjieff made inquiry as to the businesses which had brought me to New

York I told him of my film project, and that I had borrowed $150.00 in or-

49

der to make the trip. He asked me what results I had had, and I told him

of the status of things. He asked me if I intended to remain longer to see

it through. I said that I had about exhausted my money, and that I must

return to Chicago in any event in a few days because of an up-coming con-

cert. Gurdjieff observed that ‘I not stick with aim long enough to make

success.’ I agreed that this was so, that circumstances demanded that I

complete by letter any unfinished business. He invited me to visit him

again the following day.

I arrived around the same hour as before and again was told to ‘take seat

in front room.’ Shortly afterward I was greatly surprised to see Jean

Toomer ushered in by Gurdjieff, and also told to wait. Jean Toomer eagerly

inquired if I knew the reason why we had been invited. I had no idea, but

as I studied Jean I noticed a certain embarrassment and disquiet. I do not

think he relished being placed on the same footing as myself, two disci-

ples waiting their turns to be interviewed by the Master. Jean, as leader

of the Chicago group had always felt his authority and had preserved his

ascendancy with the group members, which from hierarchical standpoint was

quite natural. Still, it was known by his intimate friends that Jean had

to be ‘cock of the roost’ and it would seem that Gurdjieff in this epi-

sode, so carefully arranged by taking advantage of my presence in New

York, was striking at ‘chief feature.’ By putting Jean in ‘galoshes’ so to

say, Mr. Gurdjieff had employed one of his favorite devices of leveling a

person to size. In any event, whatever Gurdjieff’s motives, Jean was

called in first and after about twenty minutes Gurdjieff ushered me into

his working quarters.

I was very grateful to have this interview, because I had a pressing prob-

lem on my mind on which I wanted Gurdjieff’s ultimatum. On many other oc-

casions when in Gurdjieff’s company alone and when there was adequate time

to ask questions, I was usually hesitant or embarrassed. Gurdjieff never

made it easy. One had to have a burning need. On two occasions when I had

spoken from ‘real need’ from my inner self Gurdjieff had responded direct-

50

ly and succinctly.

I had brought my portfolio of dance photographs with me. I had hoped that

Gurdjieff might examine them while posing my question. Gurdjieff sat at

his desk in one corner some fifteen feet distant from the table where I

stood sorting out my photographs. But perhaps the Master would not deign

to look at them, thinking them irrelevant.

I began my story. I told him that I had begun my dance career much later

in life than most solo artists who generally start as early as seven years

of age to prepare for an arduous career. I told him that I had had seven

years of the ballet beginning at 13 years of age, but had found my own me-

dium in the Contemporary idiom after having witnessed Isadora Duncan in

solo performance and had gone to Europe to seek her out as a teacher. Not

making the contact I had remained in Paris studying and performing with

Raymond Duncan, her brother, and upon returning to America had begun my

own explorations and by now had achieved recognition in the Chicago area.

My problem was this:

Although my work was progressing, and that my body performed all that I

required of it technically, that it seemed that I was left in a state of

extreme fatigue after a long rehearsal or a concert, and I was beginning

to have doubts as to the strength of my body for a career in dance, and if

I would be able to continue to muster the strength and endurance that cre-

ative work in this medium would demand, as the years mounted. I wondered

if I had started too late in life.

As I was talking, looking over my photographs, I noticed that Gurdjieff

had risen from his seat and with great curiosity peered toward my photo-

graphs, but when he noted that I had caught this gesture, he immediately

sat down as though completely disinterested. I continued however as though

I had been unaware of this gesture.

51

When I had finished, Gurdjieff came away from his desk and moved toward

me. In very emotional tones he said the following:

“Where I come from, in the monasteries, there are great many dancers, all

stages of development, al ages. But only older dancers permitted to dance

in the temples. Only they who have gone through years of apprenticeship.

Only older women dance the rituals. And they all fire, all perfection,

movements beautiful, all performed with precision. All these women old,

over sixty. They dance like Goddesses.”

I left Gurdjieff feeling very relieved, very grateful, and very humble. My

teacher had been completely honest with me, completely objective in his

advice. I was left free to continue my path, in a sense with his blessing.

I had one more interview with Gurdjieff, and it was to be my last in this

life span. It may have been the following day, and I was about ready to

purchase my bus ticket back to Chicago. I could not delay any longer.

Gurdjieff greeted me and immediately went into great lengths to describe,

“Great celebration in his honor at home of woman disciple, some five days

hence. You Miss Huebert must come, you stay and attend, very important oc-

casion. All New York groups would attend. Great feast in my honor. You al-

so must honor. You meet all New York people.

I was embarrassed because I wanted very much to please Gurdjieff, but felt

that I could not spare another five days away from my rehearsals. In spite

of all Gurdjieff’s pleadings, and of the many devices he employed to make

me change my mind, I was resolute. Gurdjieff showed his disappointment,

but he finally desisted.

Gurdjieff asked me at what time I would depart. After telling him he said,

“Then come for coffee at restaurant before you go. “ I agreed.

52

My minutes with Gurdjieff at coffee the following day were few. He greeted

me, pointing to a chair. He continued his writings and I studied him, con-

scious of his great presence and reflecting upon my fateful good fortune

in having had these unexpected interviews, one in particular which had so

relieved me from the burden of doubt in regard to my career, and another

interview of a private nature in which he had outlined specific directions

for me to follow. Gurdjieff finally looked up and said, “So you go?” I

nodded my head yes, a little sad that I had been unable to change my mind

to stay for his celebration. Gurdjieff held out his hand and as I arose

and faced him he uttered a few words weighted with meaning. Their signifi-

cance became explicit only later. I bid him goodbye not knowing that this

was the last time I was to se Gurdjieff on Earth.

Upon taking leave of Gurdjieff I had no fore knowledge that a breach be-

tween teacher and disciple was about to take place, due to a strange and

eerie chain of circumstances which arose originally by my innocently har-

bored false assumption, an assumption that Gurdjieff could never have

fathomed. Had the experience resulting in the rupture not been of so seri-

ous a consequence it might have been termed a comedy of errors. The teach-

er works with the disciple in the inner world of the Soul, and only god is

the privileged onlooker. Suffice to say that because of my naiveté in

failing to understand Gurdjieff’s explicit directions, I was subjected to

a traumatic experience, sufficiently acute to fling me out of the orbit of

his person and active ‘work’ effort for a number of years.

The teacher with objective conscience pays his debt to Great Nature and is

an aid to god in His endless labors by his conscious implantation of seeds

which take root and flower as the individual Destiny of the disciple un-

folds. The particular division in my nature upon which Gurdjieff directed

his shocks and blows over the three year period of my contacts with him,

for thirty years now has not been in evidence. The wholeness for which he

aimed came about gradually, partly because Gurdjieff exposed the division

to my consciousness and to conscience, partly because of the suffering to

53

which life itself exposed me.

I sit sipping coffee at Aesop’s Tables, a Greek restaurant close to my

apartment, writing these final lines with a background of Greek melodies

calling to mind Gurdjieff’s heritage from his father, and his great image

and powerful presence come strong and vivid before me as though he still

lived on earth. It is as though a breach had never occurred between teach-

er and disciple. But having occurred, the circumstance and trauma of the

breach having long been understood and the healing complete, I reflect up-

on the meaning Gurdjieff had in my life, and can affirm in confidence and

faith that all his actions toward me were consciously directed with objec-

tive Love as their base.

As I meditate upon the above experiences with Gurdjieff, the fruit of my

personal contact with this first Great Teacher, I am aware of the impact

he made upon the fibre of my Being, the awakening and growth of which lay

the foundation for the possible building of a Soul, that finer body which

survives death itself.

54

EPILOGUE

The writing of these reminiscences covered a span of two weeks. During all

these days and late into the night my entire Being seemed to be enveloped

in the Baraka of the Master. Gurdjieff’s presence was so strong, so palpa-

ble that indeed I might have touched his person. I am not given to vi-

sions, I have had only a few during my lifetime, thus the Reality of the

following experience has validity for me. The night had been one of the

hottest of the summer. I had been in deep sleep when suddenly I was con-

scious of Gurdjieff’s arm extended over me as though in a blessing. I be-

ing greatly moved, reached for his hand and drew it to my lips. Gurdjieff

was touched by this demonstration of devotion. He had been standing behind

me, but now he came in front of me, seated himself near me for just a mo-

ment as though to give recognition, then arose and went on his way. The

experience was so powerful, so pregnant and palpable that I awakened com-

pletely. This state of heightened awareness and of wonderment lasted for

many minutes, but the reality of his presence, of his appearance, blessing

and recognition of me in his Kesdjan body remains fresh and vivid as a

living reminder.

Historical Background *

*This part was added by the editor and is not a part of Diana’s document.

1930: The Great Depression. Mob rule in Chicago.

1931: Al Capone is sentenced to eleven years in prison for tax evasion.

Jean Toomer starts an experimental group in and around an isolated cottage

in Portage, Wisconsin with a half dozen people and as many as two dozen

visitors from Chicago.

Jean marries Margery (biracial). When Margery becomes pregnant they leave

Chicago and go to California.

55

1932: One out of every four families in the US is on relief.

March 1: An unknown person kidnaps Lindbergh's son aged 20 months from

their residence in Hopewell, New Jersey.

1933: Hitler comes to power in Germany.

1934 July 22: Public enemy number one, the notorious John Dillinger, is

gunned down and mortally wounded by FBI agents at the Biograph Theatre in

Chicago.

1939 – 1945

Second World War killed 62 and a half million people.

Einstein letter to FDR suggesting construction of the atomic bomb.

Atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki killing 150,000 people.

1941 First use of penicillin.

1950 – 1953

Korean War. Two and a half million to three and a half million people

killed.

1961-1973

Vietnam War two million three hundred thousand to three million eight hun-

dred thousand people killed.

Profiles*

*This part was added by the editor and is not a part of Diana’s document.

Abel Faidy

56

Diana’s husband and a noted architect in the Chicago area. One of his best known pieces

of work is the Skyscraper Chair.

Mara Biggs

Helen (Yvonne) Dupee

Martha Graham

A well known modern dancer in 1910, 1920 who set the style of modern dancing with

her strong pelvic contractions and rugged technique.

Jane Heap

(1887–1964) Born in rural Kansas, daughter of the warden of a mental institution. A co-

editor of The Little Review and lover of founder Margaret Anderson. Both Jane and Mar-

garet were arrested and finger printed for printing excerpts from Ulysses (considered

obscene by the U.S.A). Margaret was later convicted and paid a fine. Jane later became

a well know leader of the Gurdjieff work in London.

Dorio Humphrey

Tamiris

Helen Tamiris (1905- 1966) choreographer, modern dancer, and teacher (also known

as Helen Becker). Interested in establishing modern dance as an art form, Tamiris was

active in organizing the young artists through the Concert Dancers League, Dance Rep-

ertory Theatre, Dancers Emergency Association, and American Dance Association. She

also played an essential role in establishing the Federal Dance Project under the WPA.

Jean Toomer

(1894 – 1967) writer and philosopher, was born Nathan Pinchback Toomer in Washing-

ton, D.C., the son of Nathan Toomer, a planter, and Nina Pinchback, the daughter of

Pinckney Benton Stewart Pinchback, governor of Louisiana during Reconstruction and

the first U.S. governor of African-American descent. Like his parents, Toomer could easi-

ly pass for white, his heritage comprising several European and African bloodlines. In-

deed, throughout his formative years until age eighteen, he lived alternately as white

57

and as African American.

Works: Cane, The collected Poems of Jean Toomer, The Black Man, Reapers.

Toomer learned from Orage the beginnings of Gurdjieff's system. Later he was given in-

structions by Gurdjieff, while visiting the Prieure, to begin a group in Chicago. After Chi-

cago Toomer began a group near Taliesin in Wisconsin. After living in California and New

Mexico Toomer left became a Quaker and instituted some of Gurdjieff’s ideas into the

Quaker system. In time he came back to Gurdjieff’s way.

Mark Turbyfill

( 1896- 1991) Remembered today mainly for his contributions to the worlds of avant-

garde verse (in 1926 the vanguard magazine Poetry devoted an entire issue to his writ-

ings) and dance (in the 1920s and ’30s, he was a principal dancer with Allied Artists and

partnered with legendary Chicago choreographer Ruth Page), Mark Turbyfill was also an

accomplished visual artist. Seeing continuity in all his creative endeavors, Turbyfill at

times utilized texts lifted from his own poetry in both figurative and abstract paintings

and drawings. With evocative titles such as "Yellow Calligraphic Poem," "Green Oracle,"

and "Sibylline Head," his visual work also gestures toward a mythic literary past. This

intimate exhibition features representative works on paper from the late 1940s to the

mid 1960s, drawn from the Smart Museum’s permanent collection.

Charles Weldman

A modern dancer.

Mrs. Frank Lloyd Wright (Olgivanna)

(1898 – 1985) was of Serbian birth, born in Montenegro, part of the previous Yugosla-

via. She was the grand daughter of a famous Serbian/Montenegrin writer, tribe leader,

Montenegrin duke and hero Marko Miljanov. She was the third and last wife of the well

known architect Frank Lloyd Wright and 33 years younger than Frank Lloyd. She was ac-

58

tive in the Gurdjieff work from the early thirties until late in her life. She sailed with

Gurdjieff on his final trip in the spring of 1949 from NY to France.

While still married to Miriam, Wright had met Olga Milanoff Hinzenberg, known as

Olgivanna, 33 years his junior, at the ballet in Chicago in 1924. A native of Yugoslavia,

Olgivanna had studied under Soviet occult teacher Georgi Gurdjieff at his Institute for

the Harmonious Development of Man in Paris, France. She was the estranged wife of a

Russian architect named Vlademar Hinzenberg, and together they had one daughter,

Svetlana, born in 1917. In February of 1925 Wright had invited Olgivanna and Svetlana

to move into Taliesin with him. Two months later she obtained a divorce from

Hinzenberg, and by the end of 1925 Frank and Olgivanna’s daughter Iovanna was born.

Almost three years later on August 25, 1928 they were married.

In 1950 the de Hartmanns moved to New York City where they settled on the upper

west side of Manhattan. Thomas received occasional offers to lecture and teach. He went

to London where he gave a series of lectures that outlined his belief in the interrelated-

ness of the arts. Frank Lloyd Wright received word of these lectures and invited de

Hartmann to come work with the students at Taliesin West, Wright's architectural com-

mune in Arizona. Wright believed that composing music and drawing architectural de-

signs were closely-related skills. De Hartmann happily accepted the position which in-

cluded comfortable accommodation and access to a Steinway grand piano.

59