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ObjectivesObjectivesBy the end of the workshop you will be able to
- define resilience and explain it's link with emotional intelligence- identify and explain the 7 factors of resilience- explain the relationship between cognition and emotions- define and apply several NLP techniques/strategies to build resilience
Apply techniques to- change negative thinking- create a mentally tough mindset- be outcome oriented- demonstrate resilience to others - help others through challenging times
What is RESILIENCE?What is RESILIENCE?
What is resilience?What is resilience?
What does it mean in your workplace?What does it mean in your workplace?
What does it mean in your life?What does it mean in your life?
If you were to develop strong and effective If you were to develop strong and effective resilience strategies what outcome(s) would that resilience strategies what outcome(s) would that get for you?get for you?
Our ability to remain Our ability to remain healthy, energetic, at full healthy, energetic, at full
capacity & in problem capacity & in problem solving mode for as long solving mode for as long
as possible, and as long as as possible, and as long as necessary.necessary.
Resilience
Wha
t is
Res
ilie
nce?
Keys to staying ResilientKeys to staying Resilient
Our ability to remain healthy, Our ability to remain healthy, energetic, at full capacity & inenergetic, at full capacity & in
problem solving modeproblem solving mode
for as long as possiblefor as long as possible
and as long as necessary. and as long as necessary.
Managing you Managing you thinkingthinking,,
youryour emotions emotions and and
taking taking actionaction
are the keys.are the keys.
The Key to Resilience
The empirical research also demonstrates that
More than genetics…………..More than intelligence……….More than any other factor…..
It is our THINKING That determines who is resilient and who is not
How does your mind work?
Thinking and ResilienceThinking and Resilience
Our thinking creates reflexive beliefs about Our thinking creates reflexive beliefs about ourselves, our worlds, and our future.ourselves, our worlds, and our future.
Our thinking provide us with ready-made and Our thinking provide us with ready-made and often inaccurate beliefs about the causes and often inaccurate beliefs about the causes and implications of our problems.implications of our problems.
Thinking Styles interfere with accurate Thinking Styles interfere with accurate problem solving and therefore, resilience.problem solving and therefore, resilience.
Thinking Style becomes fixed around age 10, Thinking Style becomes fixed around age 10, learned from primary carer.learned from primary carer.
You filter out You filter out lots of lots of
informationinformation
You filter out You filter out lots of lots of
informationinformation
INFORMATION
You You experienceexperience
picturespictures
soundssounds
feelingsfeelings
You talk to You talk to yourselfyourself
You You experienceexperience
picturespictures
soundssounds
feelingsfeelings
You talk to You talk to yourselfyourself
Emotional State
Emotional State
PHYSIOLOGYPHYSIOLOGY
PERFORMANCEPERFORMANCE
Deletion, Distortion & Deletion, Distortion & GeneralisationGeneralisation
Deletions:Deletions: Important information is Important information is left out and this limits thought and left out and this limits thought and action.action.
Distortions:Distortions: Information is twisted Information is twisted in a way that limits choice and in a way that limits choice and creates unnecessary problemscreates unnecessary problems
Generalisations:Generalisations: One example is One example is taken to represent a class in a way taken to represent a class in a way that narrows possibilitiesthat narrows possibilities
Bias & attitudeBias & attitude
A bias is our A bias is our internal, subjective internal, subjective perception of perception of reality.reality.
An attitude is the An attitude is the way we habitually way we habitually think under any think under any given situation.given situation.
Unconscious Mind
Conscious Mind
How to talk to the unconscious mind so that it listens
Words for the unconscious mindWords for the unconscious mind
TryTry ButBut AndAnd Don’tDon’t
TryTry
Statement AStatement A““I will try to be less aggressive”I will try to be less aggressive”
Statement BStatement B““I will listen more and respond rather than I will listen more and respond rather than
react ”react ”
Banish the word “try” from your vocabulary unless you actually want
not to succeed
But, andBut, and
Statement AStatement A““You focussed well today “but” your You focussed well today “but” your
concentration faded a little near the end”concentration faded a little near the end”
Statement BStatement B““You focussed well today and you need to You focussed well today and you need to
maintain your concentration to the end”maintain your concentration to the end”
Statement CStatement C“ ““ “Yes we did not have a clear focus today, Yes we did not have a clear focus today,
but given the preparation…”but given the preparation…”
Use words like “but”, “however” only when you want to negate or minimise what has been said. Use “and” when you want to add to or agree with what
has been said
Don’t Don’t
Statement AStatement A““Don’t think negatively. Don’t be thinking Don’t think negatively. Don’t be thinking
that”that”Statement BStatement B
““Tell me what you want specifically ”Tell me what you want specifically ”Statement cStatement c
““Don’t listen to what your critics are saying”Don’t listen to what your critics are saying”Statement DStatement D
““Ignore your critics. Remember how you Ignore your critics. Remember how you presented last week”presented last week”
Misconception that Practice makes Perfect – Practice makes Permanent.
Only Perfect Practice makes Perfect, and that can always happen in the
mind & in the way we talk to ourselves.
The 7 Factors of ResilienceThe 7 Factors of Resilience
Emotional Emotional RegulationRegulation
Impulse ControlImpulse Control Causal AnalysisCausal Analysis Self-EfficacySelf-Efficacy Realistic OptimismRealistic Optimism EmpathyEmpathy Reaching OutReaching Out
7 Factors of Resilience7 Factors of Resilience
Factor 1- Emotion RegulationFactor 1- Emotion Regulation– Ability to control our emotional Ability to control our emotional
response to external events-to stay response to external events-to stay calm under pressure.calm under pressure.
Factor 2- Impulse ControlFactor 2- Impulse Control– Ability to control expression Ability to control expression
behaviour to achieve goals (Delay behaviour to achieve goals (Delay gratification, Decisions, Dan Goleman gratification, Decisions, Dan Goleman 1970 marshmallow study)1970 marshmallow study)
How do you set your Emotional
thermostat?
Understanding your emotional map
Emotions are contagiousEmotions are contagious
The brain has an The brain has an ‘open loop’ system‘open loop’ system
We are ‘wired’ to pick We are ‘wired’ to pick up subtle clues from up subtle clues from one anotherone another
The HeartThe Heart
The source of the The source of the heartbeat is within the heartbeat is within the heart.heart.
It generates 40 to 60 It generates 40 to 60 times more electrical times more electrical amplitude than the amplitude than the brain.brain.
Its electrical signal Its electrical signal can be measured can be measured anywhere onanywhere on the the bodybody..
Cortical Facilitation/InhibitionCortical Facilitation/Inhibition
Communication Communication between heart & between heart & brain takes place brain takes place constantly.constantly.
Positive or Positive or negative emotions negative emotions felt, impact the felt, impact the cortical process.cortical process.
Develop emotional energy Develop emotional energy managementmanagement
Quick coherence techniqueQuick coherence technique
Shift attention to your Shift attention to your heart & breathe from heart & breathe from your heart.your heart.
Recall a positive Recall a positive emotional experience. emotional experience. Associate into it. Associate into it.
Re-experience it for 5 Re-experience it for 5 to 10 minutes. See, to 10 minutes. See, hear & feel it. hear & feel it.
Achieve coherence Achieve coherence before making before making decisionsdecisions
Factors of ResilienceFactors of Resilience
Factor 3- Causal AnalysisFactor 3- Causal Analysis– Ability to identify the true causes of an Ability to identify the true causes of an
adversity, essential because the cause adversity, essential because the cause we identify determine the solutions we we identify determine the solutions we attemptattempt
– We develop a thinking style around We develop a thinking style around explanationsexplanations
ABC ModelABC Model
Adversity
Any problem situation (big or small)
Beliefs
About what caused it
About the implications
Consequences
Emotions and behaviour that result from Beliefs about adversity
B-C ConnectionsB-C Connections
Real-world loss or loss Real-world loss or loss of sense of self worthof sense of self worth
Future ThreatFuture Threat Violation of RightsViolation of Rights Violation of another's Violation of another's
RightsRights Loss of StandingLoss of Standing
Sadness Sadness (Depression)(Depression)
AnxietyAnxiety AngerAnger
GuiltGuilt
EmbarrassmentEmbarrassment
Resilience Skill: ABCResilience Skill: ABC
A-Adversity, B-Beliefs, C-Consequences-(feelings A-Adversity, B-Beliefs, C-Consequences-(feelings and behaviours)and behaviours)
– Track the effects of your beliefs on your Track the effects of your beliefs on your emotionsemotions
– Understand the B-C connections.Understand the B-C connections.– Become aware of your own!Become aware of your own!– Help identify the ABC in other people!Help identify the ABC in other people!
Detecting iceberg beliefsDetecting iceberg beliefs
Four questionsFour questions Ask in any orderAsk in any order Stop when the Stop when the
belief explains the belief explains the consequence.consequence.
What is the most What is the most upsetting part of that upsetting part of that for me?for me?
What does that mean What does that mean to me?to me?
What is the worst part What is the worst part of that for me?of that for me?
Assuming that it is Assuming that it is true why is that so true why is that so upsetting for me?upsetting for me?
DisputationDisputation Evidence: Evidence: What What
evidence do I have for evidence do I have for thinking this?thinking this?
Alternatives: Alternatives: What What alternative explanations alternative explanations could there be for this?could there be for this?
Implications: Implications: What What are the implications for are the implications for me of holding onto this me of holding onto this belief?belief?
Usefulness: Usefulness: How How useful is it for me to hold useful is it for me to hold onto this belief?onto this belief?
Thinking BiasesThinking Biases
Jumping to conclusionsJumping to conclusions Tunnel visionTunnel vision Mind readingMind reading PersonalisingPersonalising ExternalisingExternalising Over generalisingOver generalising
Adversity
Belief Consequence
Surface and iceberg beliefs
Distraction Disputation
Check for thinking biases
Check for thinking biases
Factors of ResilienceFactors of Resilience
Factor 4- Self-EfficacyFactor 4- Self-Efficacy– Our sense that we are effective in the Our sense that we are effective in the
world- a sense of mastery. An outcome world- a sense of mastery. An outcome orientation.orientation.
Factor 5- Realistic OptimismFactor 5- Realistic Optimism– Importance of the cognitive triad, Importance of the cognitive triad,
negative view of one’s self, one’s world negative view of one’s self, one’s world and one’s future.and one’s future.
Mindsets
Be clear on what you want
(outcome focused) do
not be problem focused
Have a “cause” mindset. Blaming external
influences is counter
productive
Building Mental pictures of Building Mental pictures of successsuccess
Dissociated Dissociated pictures: pictures: Looking at yourself Looking at yourself as if in a movieas if in a movie
Associated Associated pictures: pictures: seeing out your seeing out your eyeseyes
Practice Realistic OptimismPractice Realistic Optimism
Explanatory style.Explanatory style.– Is unique to you.Is unique to you.– Habitual & Habitual &
automatic.automatic.– May not be May not be
accurate.accurate.– There are 3 There are 3
dimensions to it.dimensions to it.
Explanatory style: optimismExplanatory style: optimism
PersonalPersonal
PermanentPermanent
PervasivePervasive
Explanatory Thinking StyleExplanatory Thinking Style
MEME
ALWAYSALWAYS
EVERYTHINGEVERYTHING
NOT MENOT ME
NOT ALWAYSNOT ALWAYS
NOT EVERYTHINGNOT EVERYTHING
Factors of ResilienceFactors of Resilience
Factor 6- EmpathyFactor 6- Empathy– Ability to read others psychological and Ability to read others psychological and
emotional states, key to developing empathy is emotional states, key to developing empathy is understanding why others respond/react as understanding why others respond/react as they do. (B-C connections)they do. (B-C connections)
Factor 7- Reaching OutFactor 7- Reaching Out Helping, listening and rapport building. Seeking Helping, listening and rapport building. Seeking
help from others.help from others.
RapportRapport
Rapport is the process of building Rapport is the process of building and sustaining a relationship of and sustaining a relationship of mutual trust, harmony and mutual trust, harmony and understanding. understanding.
This happens through matching the This happens through matching the accessing cues from words, eye accessing cues from words, eye movements and body language. movements and body language.
Establish Rapport by…Establish Rapport by…
Matching & mirroring the other Matching & mirroring the other personperson– Physical mirroring/Body posturePhysical mirroring/Body posture– VoiceVoice– BreathingBreathing– BlinkingBlinking– LanguageLanguage
5 Key Strategies5 Key Strategies1.1. Always think in positive outcomes – see, hear Always think in positive outcomes – see, hear
and feel what you want. Use both associated and feel what you want. Use both associated and disassociated pictures. and disassociated pictures.
2.2. Take positive action and challenge yourself to Take positive action and challenge yourself to stay at the stay at the causecause side of events. side of events.
3.3. Check for thinking biases and dispute or distract Check for thinking biases and dispute or distract yourself. Practice realistic optimism.yourself. Practice realistic optimism.
4.4. Develop heart coherence, practice mindfulness Develop heart coherence, practice mindfulness and “soak” yourself in experiencing positive and “soak” yourself in experiencing positive emotions. emotions.
5.5. Nourish others by becoming a nourishing Nourish others by becoming a nourishing individual remembering you are “emotionally individual remembering you are “emotionally contagious.”contagious.”
Thank you for coming
