Developing Close Relationships © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Developing Close Relationships

© All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

The Development of a Relationship

• Relationships take time and efforto Becoming awareo Making contacto Disclosure

• Discussion:o Consider your closest

relationships (friendship and romantic).

o How did they develop?o Who became aware of

who?o Who made contact?o What did disclosure look

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Becoming Friends• Friendship may be

defined by values• Keeping confidences

and loyalty most important in 2003 survey

• We tend to select friends who are similar

• Discussion:o What values are important

to you in a friendship?o Are these similar to those

valued by your classmates?

o Do men value different traits than women?

o Do you have traits that others value in friendship?


Dating & Mating

• Relationships often do not live up to our expectations

• Being in a relationship can bring great joy and risks

• Romantic attraction is somewhat of a mystery!

• We’re usually attracted to individuals similar to us

• Discussion:o What traits do you look for

in a potential date/relationship?

o Are these traits different than those you look for in a friend?

o What are your reactions to the gender & you section of the text in this chapter? Take a quick poll in the class – are the results similar to those shared in the text?


Becoming Lovers

• Great similarity between love relationships and good-friend relationships

• Love defined• Theory of love

o Passion o Intimacyo commitment

• Discussion:o Do you agree/disagree

with the Stack Sullivan definition of love presented in the text? Why or why not?

o Review the myths about love presented in the text. What would you add to this list?


A Triangular Model of Love

Consummate Love=

Intimacy + Passion +

Commitment

Empty Love = Decision/Commitment

Alone

Fatuous Love = Passion + Commitment

Infatuation = Passion Alone

Companionate Love =

Intimacy +Commitment

Liking = Intimacy Alone

Romantic Love = Intimacy + Passion

Becoming Committed

• Important decision – requires careful thought!

• To consider:o Marriageo Remaining singleo Cohabitation

• Discussion:o Consider past

relationships where there has been a mutual commitment. How was the decision to

commit made? What were the

pros/cons of being in a commitment relationship?


Marital Adjustment

• Important to consider expectationso Role expectationso Marriage/careero Parenthood/career

• Discussion:o What are your ideas about

the role of the different partners in a marriage? Do you consider yourself conservative? Traditional?

o Have you thought about whether you’d like to be a stay at home dad? Mom?

o Have you thought about whether or not you plan to work outside the home when married?


Marital Conflict• Money most common

source of conflict in marriage

• Five-to-One Ratio

• Discussion:o What other sources of

marital conflict do you think might be an issue in marriages? For you?

o Do you agree with the five to one ratio? Why or why not?


Communication Problems

• Successful communication is the cornerstone of any relationship

• Positive communication is not always easy

• Communication failures occur when:o Partners choose not to

communicateo Lack of communication

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• Discussion:o Think of a time when you

have experienced a break down in communication with a significant other. What do you attribute to the breakdown? What could you have done differently? What could he/she have done differently?

Family Violence• Includes:

o Child abuseo Violence between spouseso Sibling abuseo Sexual abuseo Parental abuse by childreno Elderly abuse

• Discussion:o What ideas do you have

about how to identify the potential for violence in a would-be partner?

o What thoughts do you have about what to do in a situation where someone you thought you could trust becomes violent or abusive?


Codependence

• Codependent relationshipo One person has allowed

another person’s behavior to affect her/him

o Person is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior

• Discussion:o What’s the difference

between wanting what’s best for someone and being codependent?

o What ideas do you have for having clear boundaries in relationships and not allowing someone's behavior to control you?


What’s the Green-Eyed Monster?

• Jealousyo Thoughts and feelings that

arise when an actual or desired relationship is threatened

• Envyo Thoughts and feelings that

arise when our personal qualities, possessions, or achievements do not measure up to those of someone relevant to us

• Discussion:o Most of us have

experienced jealousy and envy at some point in our lives. Can you think of a time that either have caused problems in a relationship?

o What ideas do you have as to how to avoid being jealous? Envious?

Growing Apart

• Time to let go?o Not in the midst of emotional

turmoilo Earn the right to quit

• Divorce• Predictors of marriage

longevity• Impact of divorce• Children• remarriage

• Discussion:o Think of a relationship you

have had that has ended. How did you know when to let go? How did you make that decision? What might you do differently in the future?

o If you plan to marry, what ideas do you have about how you will nurture and develop future relationships to try to avoid chances of divorce?


Diverse Families

• Stepfamilies• Gay/Lesbian

relationships

• Discussion:o In addition to those

presented in the text, what are some additional challenges you foresee with step/blended families?

o How do stereotypes impact families where parents are gay/lesbian?


Documents

Developing Close Relationships © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online