DeeDee Dalrymple - Effortless Entertaining

DeeDee Dalrymple

Open your home, open your heart,

and give the gift of hospitality.

Copyright ©2017 DeeDee Dalrymple

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval

system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Designer: Christine Dryden

Editors: Lisa Rubenson & Maya Myers

Photographer: Ashley Sellner

with Michael Hernandez, Franklin Golden, & Justin Costner

ISBN: 978-0-692-80870-2

Printed in the United States of America 21 20 19 18 17 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Published in 2017 by Effortless Entertaining, LLCCharlotte, NC

www.MyEffortlessEntertaining.com

WITH GRATITUDE

Thank you, Lord, from whom all good and perfect gifts are given. Thank you to family and friends through whom these gifts have been expressed in your love and encouragement and in your inspiration, expertise, and guidance.

Thank you to my husband, Ed, who, with love and generosity, embraces the spirit of hospitality with me. Thank you to your parents, Jane and Ed, for raising a son who loves people and who graciously gives to others. From the moment this idea was born, you have been my greatest champion and encourager. Thank you for always loving and believing in me.

Thank you to our children, Elizabeth, Carolyn, and Eddie. I am the most excited when we’re together. Our hearts are always filled to overflowing when you’re home. Thank you for being excited about this project, for being my biggest cheerleaders, and for sharing your gift of hospitality with others.

Thank you to my grandparents, Mary and James; to my parents, Carolyn and Nick; and to the “brothers and sisters,” Kathryn and Eddie, Rose and Steve, and Shelia and Jimmy. Your doors were always open, and your hearts overflowed with love and generosity. Thank you for showing us the way.

Thank you to my sister Nikki and her husband Wayne, to my brother Phil and his wife Ruth, to Ed’s brother Chris and his wife Liz, with whom we have all continued a rich tradition of hospitality. Our joy in being together and opening our homes lives on in the next generation.

Thank you, Bill Whitley, who suggested this idea, gave it a name, mentored, coached, and prodded – even when I said I wasn’t going to do it. You have been the encouraging and often relentless voice in my ear. I will be forever grateful.

Thank you, Anne Neilson and Anne Cochran, for the recommendations and encouragement I needed to move forward. You introduced me to the people who could help me transform a manuscript into a movement.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above coming

down from the Father.”

– JAMES 1:17

Thank you, Christine Dryden, graphic designer extraordinaire. Thank you for believing in this project, for your expertise, your guidance and, most of all, your patience with someone who knew so little about the nuts and bolts. You have been so much more than a graphic designer.

Thank you, Lisa Rubenson, editor and writer, who read my book and loved it from the beginning. You not only made sure the words and grammar were correct, but made sure they were the best they could be. Thank you for adding your voice to mine.

Thank you, Maya Myers. You are a remarkable editor, who brought a sharp eye and a cook’s perspective to this work. You have been a godsend.

Thank you to Cathy Bradley of Bellaworks for my beautiful website and for listening so well, for tolerating my cut-and-paste concepts, and for understanding my voice and style.

Thank you to Ashley Sellner, our photographer. You captured so beautifully in images what could not be said in words.

Thank you to friend and photographer Franklin Golden, who, in one evening, added to Ashley’s work by showing friends having fun in our home. You and my niece Nicole have always been part Dalrymple.

Thank you to the young assistants who stepped in at just the right time: Caroline Tolmie, Helen Dooley, and Forest Richardson. Each of you brought unique skills and was an absolute delight.

Thank you to family and friends. You know who you are. I run the risk of not including someone, and you know how I feel about leaving people out! You have prayed, listened, and encouraged me. You have offered advice, insights, time, recipes, and photos. Thank you for being the original members of the Effortless Entertaining community. Ed and I and our children love you and thank you for being a part of our lives. Our home and hearts are always open to you!

viii

CONTENTS

From Our Home to Yours 3

How to Use Effortless Entertaining 7

Ten Steps to Effortless Entertaining

ONE Dinner Is Not a Performance 13

TWO Friends Are Excited to Be Invited! 19

THREE Envision the Experience 27

FOUR Make It a Meal to Remember 35

FIVE Consider the Cocktails or Mocktails 43

SIX Set the Tone – Tables & Trays 51

SEVEN Style – Simple to Spectacular 65

EIGHT Don’t Wait for the Party to Be Ready for the Party 73

NINE Plan Your Work & Work Your Plan 85

TEN Enjoy! 105

It’s a Wrap! 117

Menus & Recipes 119

Style Points 315

Tips & Quips 341

Sources & Resources 363

My Effortless Entertaining

“Hospitality means we take people into the space that is our lives and our minds and our hearts and our work and our efforts. Hospitality is the way we come out of ourselves.”

– JOAN CHITTISTER

2

3EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING

FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS

I imagine you’re here because you care about the people in your life and want to find ways to bring them together. Whether you’re a seasoned host looking for new ideas, or someone who would rather work on taxes than host a dinner party, I want you to feel more at ease welcoming family and friends into your home. Effortless Entertaining was designed for you.

I grew up in a family that welcomed others into our home. Any occasion was a reason to gather family and friends for dinner. Dinner for eight often became dinner for many more. Just being together was reason enough. With my husband, Ed, and our children, Elizabeth, Carolyn, and Eddie, we have continued this tradition.

Two years ago, Ed and I were having dinner with our good friend Bill Whitley. Bill is an author and nationally known speaker, so when he has something to say, we listen. “Deedles,” Bill said, “you have to write the book, and it’s going to be called Effortless Entertaining!” I laughed and poured him another glass of wine. And yet, his words had sparked something. I thought about the comments friends had made: “You make entertaining look so easy,” “You make it look so fun,” or “I wish I could do this.” On one occasion, another good friend, Rod Hoover, walked into our home for a dinner party and said, “Hardly anyone does this anymore!” I realized that what came easily for Ed and me was not so easy for others.

I began to ask both women and men what they enjoy and don’t enjoy about entertaining. “Why should entertaining be stressful?” “What is there to fear?” “Are we worried that friends might judge our cooking, our décor, the company we keep?” Turns out, it’s all of the above.

One friend felt her kitchen and dining spaces were too disorganized to enjoy cooking for her husband and herself, much less a group of friends. Another said that while she loved to cook, she didn’t like to figure out menus or new recipes. Others said they

“When we enter a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realize that the love among those who live in that home is what makes that welcome possible. . . . Hospitality is more than an expression of love for the guest. It is also and foremost an expression of love between the hosts.”

– HENRI NOUWEN

4

weren’t confident getting everything served at the same time. Another friend was unsure about how to blend groups of friends. One person summed it up when she said, “It’s just easier to meet friends out.” These were wonderfully smart, accomplished people who, faced with the thought of entertaining, decided to turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Drawing on my experiences, along with the voices of others, I created Effortless Entertaining to inspire and equip you to graciously and easily welcome friends into your home. There is no one “right” way to host a party, yet we can discover some threads that run through the fabric of every good gathering. The goal is not to help you host the “perfect” party. The goal is to help you feel at ease and excited about hosting a party that you and your guests will enjoy.

Effortless Entertaining is more than a book that sits on your shelf or coffee table. It’s about building community. We’re starting a larger conversation, one that goes beyond the pages of this guide. Effortless Entertaining will meet you right where you are and provide resources you can trust. As a member of our community, I hope you’ll find all you need to open your home, open your heart, and give the gift of hospitality.

Onward!


WHEN our children were young, we took them skiing

every year. I didn’t learn to ski until I was an adult. No one could

have felt more awkward or terrified on the side of a ski slope

than I did. I was totally intimidated by the whole thing. We hired

a wonderful ski instructor who was with us every year. Every

morning, I spent an hour with Elizabeth Dooher. Day by day

and year by year, she taught me how to ski. As I got better, my

confidence grew. Something else that helped tremendously

was having good equipment. Having my own boots that fit

better and kept my feet warm made a big difference. And most

important, I had to get out there and just do it! Skiing every

year helped me become a more confident skier. The more

confident I became, the more I liked it! We enjoy things more if

we feel like we know what we’re doing. Entertaining can be like

that. It is for me, and it can be for you, too!

6


HOW TO USE EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING

Effortless Entertaining is an approach to hospitality that we embrace together. It goes beyond the pages of this guide and becomes a community you join, one that has many points of access.

Effortless Entertaining – Your Guide

This easy-to-use guide is the first step toward Effortless Entertaining. Here you’ll find:

Ten Steps to Effortless Entertaining

Menus & Recipes that are proven and easy to prepare ahead for any occasion

Style Points for home and table, to set just the right tone for your gathering

Tips & Quips with shortcuts to manage your time and efforts

Sources & Resources with product recommendations you can trust and helpful charts to keep things simple

I have intentionally chosen a binder with sections that are tabbed for easy reference. Useful pages can be taken out, used when you go shopping, then reinserted. The binder design also allows you to add your My Effortless Entertaining newsletters, along with your own recipes, articles, and lists. No matter your comfort level with entertaining, there is helpful information for all.

“When you are working from a value-aligned, purposeful place, hard work does not seem so hard. In fact, it seems natural and often puts you in a state of ‘flow,’ meaning that you feel fully immersed in an activity, giving it all your attention and deriving enjoyment from the process.”

– PATRICK DEEGAN-COOK

8

Effortless Entertaining – Your Membership

Joining the Effortless Entertaining community is the next step! Too often we read a book, become inspired by all the good ideas, and then set that book aside. Not this time! With your membership, you’ll continue to receive fresh insights, menus, recipes, and style recommendations. And you’ll have one-on-one access to me, so I can answer your specific questions and help solve your dilemmas.

Members enjoy . . .

My Effortless Entertaining

Your quarterly newsletter, delivered old school to your door. This printed resource will provide more ideas and information, along with interviews and spotlights on home cooks, professionals, style makers, and more. Entertaining is timeless, and so is receiving something delivered on fine paper to your door with beautiful photographs to be savored.

The Dish

Your monthly emailed newsletter,The Dish, will provide new menus, recipes, practical tips, style points, and product recommendations. The Dish will provide steady, but not overwhelming, portions of fresh and carefully curated content.

The Dash

Every now and then, you’ll receive a quick, on-the-go and need-to-know news flash, The Dash. Maybe the wineglasses I recommended have just gone on sale. Maybe I just tried a new recipe that is so good I can’t wait until the next newsletter. Some things must be shared with our community right away!


MyEffortlessEntertaining.com Mobile-Friendly Website with Member-Only Portal

As a member of the Effortless Entertaining community, you’ll enjoy member-only online access to resources – menus, recipes, cocktails, table ideas, and more, for every occasion and season. Want to easily access other Effortless Entertaining recommendations online? Members can shop table and home décor or kitchen resources with links and member-only pricing on select items. At the store and need to reference Effortless Entertaining? At the beach and looking for a recipe or a wine recommendation? Use your smartphone or tablet to access our mobile-friendly website to find what you need.

Effortless Entertaining Access!

Members will enjoy one-on-one access to me. Have a question about a dinner party you’re hosting or a recipe you’re preparing? Members can email me with questions. For bigger projects, members will receive special pricing on In-Home Consultations. Need to rethink entertaining areas, refine your entertaining resources, or organize your kitchen or pantry? A good makeover in these spaces can renew your enthusiasm for entertaining!

Effortless Entertaining Presentations

Whether it’s friends in your home or a larger gathering, groups have a wonderful time coming together for my Effortless Entertaining presentations. Gather neighbors, friends, a book club, garden club, church, or civic organization over coffee, a glass of wine, or even a light meal. These events are fun and lively, as I offer ideas and practical strategies to help anyone entertain more easily and graciously.

Details for Effortless Entertaining Access! and Presentations can be found on MyEffortlessEntertaining.com.

“WOW! What a dynamic event you put on for our garden club today! It was without a doubt the best program we have ever had. I have been so energized the rest of this day because of you! Tomorrow I board a plane to visit our son. He’s throwing a dinner party for me, and little does he know I’m coming extremely well equipped to help!”

– SUSAN, Presentation Guest

10


“Hospitality is always an act that benefits

the host even more than the guest. The concept

of hospitality arose in ancient times when the

reciprocity was easier to see: in nomadic cultures,

the food and shelter one gave to a stranger yesterday

is the food and shelter one hopes to receive from

a stranger tomorrow. By offering hospitality, one

participates in the endless reweaving of a social

fabric on which all can depend – thus the gift of

sustenance for the guest becomes the gift of hope for

the host.”

– PARKER J. PALMERThe Courage to Teach

12


STEP ONE

Dinner Is Not a Performance. It’s a Gift of Friendship.

Entertaining is about enjoying family and friends, not pursuing perfection.

Your friends want to be with you. They want to come for dinner and for your company. Friends want to be in your home, because it’s an extension of you. So let’s revisit the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want be treated. You don’t judge your friends harshly when you’re about to enter their homes (you don’t, do you?), so trust they’re not judging you. Welcome people, do your very best to make them comfortable, and give freely of your friendship.

My friend Julie and I talked about this as she was preparing to host her neighborhood supper club. We were discussing what many of us feel when we know friends are coming for dinner. The well-loved sofa our family sinks into every day starts to look a little worn. Hardwood floors that remind us of all the happy children that have run through our house look a little weary. We fret about the menu, the flowers, and where to seat everyone. We begin to experience death by what if? “What if people notice the frayed upholstery or the scratched floors?” “What if I don’t have the ‘right’ – pick anything – glasses, plates, napkins?” “What if I mess up the dinner?” “What if the entire London broil flies off the fork and goes skidding across the kitchen floor when I transfer it to the cutting board (things happen)?” You can meringue yourself into a frenzy until the idea of dinner with friends dies a slow “what if ” death before you even get started. It’s enough to make you want to stand over the sink eating takeout.

Julie is one of the warmest, most delightful, and most creative people I know. Welcoming friends into her home should be easy for her, and it can be for all of us. The most important thing, for any of us, is to appreciate that our friends are excited to be together in our homes. They’re not going to show up with white gloves to inspect our homes. They’ll arrive with open hands to receive our gift of hospitality.

1“Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving. We become beautiful people when we give whatever we can give; a smile, a handshake, a kiss, an embrace, a word of love, a present, a part of our life . . . all of our life.”

– HENRI NOUWEN

14 DINNER IS NOT A PERFORMANCE

When we welcome friends into our home, let’s shift our mind-set from “performance mode” to “gift mode.” Let’s not worry about the “me things,” such as having the perfect home or serving the perfect meal. Let’s start thinking about the “guest things” – how to make our guests feel warmly welcomed, special, and comfortable.

This is not only something we do for our guests, it’s also something we do for ourselves. Shifting focus takes the stress out of entertaining. Thinking about how to make others feel special will give us energy. We have to move from thinking about all we “should” be and toward what we “can” be. Shift your mind-set from the pressure of perfection to the graciousness of hospitality. We are gathering friends, not staging a musical. These people are predisposed to like us. All we have to do is get out of our own way and have some fun!

15EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING DINNER IS NOT A PERFORMANCE

16 DINNER IS NOT A PERFORMANCE

Change your mind-set

Simply begin thinking about gathering friends as a gift, not a performance. Don’t we all like giving our family and friends presents? I do! Don’t we all have fun seeing someone open our gift? I do! It really is more blessed to give than to receive. There is such joy in giving. So when we begin to view entertaining as our gift to others, we begin to feel energized and excited. We can hardly wait for our friends to open and enjoy the gift!

Welcome! Y-O-U are the most important fixture at the front door!

How we greet our guests at the front door can make our friends feel warmly welcomed or leave them wondering why they were invited.

• Find a special way to greet each guest at the front door. An enthusiastic, “We’re so glad to have you!” or “Thank you for coming!” goes a long way. A sticky note on the door saying, “Make yourself at home, we’ll be right down” does not. See the difference?

• Offer to take coats and belongings to a designated place, and let guests know where that is.

• Connect your guests with others. Introduce them to people they may not know and help them find common ground. Maybe they have children at the same school. Maybe they both play golf. Maybe they both love red wine – who doesn’t? You know your guests better than anyone. Help them get to know each other.

• If you’re serving a “Welcome Drink” (more on this later), have those ready on a tray at the front door. If not, show your guests to the bar.

Ideas to Inspire & Equip

“Reflect for a minute on what it feels like

to be welcomed. The word means simply,

‘Come and be well ’ in my presence.”

– HENRI NOUWEN

17EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING DINNER IS NOT A PERFORMANCE

Your home says welcome, too!

Your home and entrance say, “We are expecting you,” and convey that your guests and the evening are special.

• Make sure the lights are on, and I mean ALL the lights – inside and out, upstairs and downstairs.

• Consider additional lighting for special evenings, such as candlelit lanterns or luminaria.

• Candles and/or flowers in the foyer add to the welcome.

Prepare and equip yourself

With anything that’s new or challenging for us, preparation is key. The more we learn, the better equipped we are, the easier it will become. Keep reading. You’ve got this!

18 DinnEr is not a PErforMancE. it ’s a Gift of friEnDshiP.


STEP TWO

Friends Are Excited to Be Invited!

We’re social creatures, and we all love a sense of belonging. It feels good to be invited to the party.

Don’t you appreciate being invited to someone’s home for dinner? Aren’t you flattered and excited? Your friends feel the same way. They’re going to feel honored and grateful – the very things you feel when someone invites you. Ed and I are always excited and feel honored when someone invites us into their home. We feel this way whether the invitation comes from friends we’ve known since childhood or someone we’ve only just met. And when we receive that invitation, we’re not thinking about whether we’ll like what they’re serving for dinner, whether they’ll set the perfect table, or if we’ve had a “better offer.” We’re truly grateful, genuinely appreciative, that our friends want us to be with them. This is how your friends will feel, too!

Once you’ve invited your friends, let’s build on that excitement by helping them feel comfortable. Putting guests at ease puts us at ease, and we can do that beginning with our invitation and the helpful information we provide. We can elaborate on the “who, what, when, and where” from our elementary school invitations. Enhance the “who” to include “who else will be there” and, in addition to the “where,” we can include “what to wear.” My children’s friends like to joke that when they are coming to our home, “DeeDee’s casual” does not mean that I will be in a T-shirt and jeans. It’s up to me to make sure all the guests know what I mean by “casual.” Helping our guests understand a little more about the evening helps them feel not only excited, but also comfortable. So, let’s pick up the phone, send an email, or go old school with paper and stamps. Let’s invite our friends to dinner!

2“I have always been a party girl. . . . The most important lesson my grandmother taught me was to love all your guests – make every guest feel special and make food that everyone will love to eat. Who knew the secret of a great party could be so simple?”

– ANNETTE JOSEPH Picture Perfect Parties

20 friEnDs arE ExcitED to BE invitED!

Your friends enjoy meeting your friends

We love to connect people – to be the spark that ignites new friendships. Their enjoyment in getting to know each other brings enjoyment to us as well. Introducing our friends to one another is a gift we can all give.

A good friend, Debbie Gourley, and I got to know each other several years ago co-chairing a committee for Women of Vision, an incredible organization that partners with World Vision. Debbie and I became fast friends and quickly discovered that we both had homes at Grandfather Golf and Country Club. That summer Ed and I began to introduce Debbie and her husband, Craig, to a group of our friends at Grandfather. One of the real joys for Ed and me is that these friends are now their friends, too. And all of us are always excited to include and welcome others!


21EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING friEnDs arE ExcitED to BE invitED!

Mix it up at the table

Let’s think outside the box. Our table does not need to have an even number or the same number of men and women. Don’t worry about sticking to couples only. Mix it up by inviting single friends, without doing any subliminal matchmaking. Include people of different ages. My life has been greatly enriched and enlivened by the older and younger people I know, and I love feeling the energy when different-aged people come together.

Once when Ed and I were asked to host a small fundraising dinner, we were also asked to include two couples we didn’t know. True confession: My first thought was “I wonder what they’re like?” My next thought was, “Will our friends like them?” All of us are guilty of these thoughts – don’t say you’re not! We must rise above! We will be greatly rewarded by new friendships and new experiences when we reach out and extend the gift of hospitality beyond where we are most comfortable.

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing, some people have shown hospitality to angels.”

– HEBREWS 3:12


I D E A S TO Inspire & Equip

How many to invite?

If you want a meaningful table conversation that engages everyone, six is the perfect number, no more than eight. A larger dinner party will typically lead to several conversations at the table, which is fun, too. If a table conversation occurs with this number, the topics will most likely veer toward lighter topics and humorous stories. For ease, I have also found that with a dinner for six to eight, I don’t have to increase recipes. Cleanup bonus: With this number, I can get almost everything in the dishwasher the first go-round.

When to invite?

For dinner with friends, you can invite a week to two weeks ahead of time or a day ahead. I can’t tell you how many times we have invited friends for dinner a day or two before or the day of. Sometimes the inspiration just hits me, and before you know it we are having a spontaneous dinner for twelve. And yes, you can do this, too. It’s easier than you think. For special occasions or larger gatherings and events, you may want to send an invitation four weeks in advance.

Save-the-Date!

If it’s an important occasion like a graduation dinner, a birthday, or anniversary, you may want to send a Save-the-Date note. Many of the online invitation sites make this easy to do. A Save-the-Date can be sent out many months in advance.

“Skip the confetti in invitations. I consider

it a hostile act.”

– SALLY QUINN The Party


Keep a “go-to” list of people you may want to invite

We are always running into people and saying, “Let’s get together!” And then I forget. The Notes function on your smartphone is an excellent place to keep a reminder list of people you want to invite for dinner. Keeping a go-to list is a practical way to help easily and quickly pull together a guest list.

Call, mail, email, or Evite?

Any form of inviting friends for dinner is acceptable. It really depends on the type of event that you’re hosting. If it’s a simple dinner with friends, call or email. If it’s a special occasion, a mailed invitation may be appropriate. Electronic invitations via email are also acceptable for almost any occasion. If you choose this route, be willing to pay a little extra – and it’s really only a little more – for no advertising and no clutter. Would you send a detergent sample with a mailed invitation? Of course not! Nothing ruins pre-party excitement faster than an ad for dishwashing liquid at the top of your invitation.

For electronic invitations, find a site with options that look like printed invitations. Most of these sites provide features that allow you to add directions, notes about what to wear, where to park, and whether or not to bring a gift. Once you create an account, you can also upload and store email addresses for future use. Two sites I’ve used, both for personal invitations and nonprofit events, are Paperless Post and Pingg. Recently, we received one of the most creative invitations I have ever seen from a site called Smilebox. In this electronic age, where everyone is hyperconnected with smartphones, e-invitations make it easy for guests to respond and for you to track. Guests can also add personal messages to their responses. Paperless Post has an app for your phone. I tap the app and within seconds know who has responded.



When your guests don’t respond

For a dinner party, a response from your guests is essential. It is perfectly appropriate to kindly call or email to follow up with a guest who has not responded. This is also a very considerate gesture to make sure they received your invitation. Once someone expressed disappointment that I had not come to her wedding, but I had never received the invitation. I truly thought I had not been invited!

Let your guests know who else is coming

Knowing who will be there will help your guests feel more comfortable. Recently we went to a dinner party, and fortunately we were told in advance who else would be there. I would not have recognized one of the couples I had met before had I not been given a heads-up.

Let people know what to wear

Be clear! If it’s casual, what does that mean? Maybe for you, that means a T-shirt and jeans. For me, that usually means a collared, long-sleeved shirt, no jacket, no tie for the guys. If we are hosting something more casual than that, I’ll make that clear. I’ll let my guests know, for example, that we will be in jeans or Ed will be in Bermuda shorts, and I will be in a casual sundress. Some of the phrases we sometimes use on a printed invitation are: “dressy casual,” “coat and tie,” “coat and no tie,” or “cocktail.” It helps to let people know if the party will be outside, or if they will need a wrap or a jacket. It is especially important to let guests know if a party will be on your lawn. I once saw a young lady arrive at a party wearing four-inch heels. No one mentioned the party was outside, and she was pulling her heels out of the grass all night!


Ask about dietary concerns

Nuts, gluten, vegan, vegetarian . . . and the list goes on. If we know about dietary limitations, we can do our best to accommodate, thereby avoiding an awkward and uncomfortable situation. If dietary restrictions are severe, it is acceptable to ask the guest if they would like to bring their own meal. I have had guests who prefer to bring their own meal in situations where there is a serious medical condition.

“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

– MAYA ANGELOU



STEP THREE

Envision the Experience

“Find a hook and hang everything on it.” – Sally Quinn

I agree with Sally Quinn that the most important reason to have friends for dinner is to have fun . . . to enjoy one another! Even with this, there may be a “hook” that helps us envision the kind of evening it will be, or the menu we want to serve. A hook is not a theme. It can be, but since I am not a “themey” kind of person, usually for me, it’s just a thought that becomes the foundation – the first building block – for the evening I envision.

The weather is often my first go-to hook. Thinking about winter may lead me to a hearty menu, such as Beef Bourguignon with red wines – burgundy, of course! Evenings like this may inspire my husband to do a little something special with his choice of red wines. If you wanted to add a fun twist to an evening like this, you could add a blind tasting or a vertical tasting, where you taste a few vintages (years) of the same wine. This just adds a little spark. Nothing gets me more excited than the first spring breeze. I just want to have friends over, sit on the porch, and serve a simple supper off the grill. It also makes me want to break out the summer cocktails.

There are other hooks, though, such as special occasions or events – birthdays and holidays among the more obvious. The hook is whatever galvanizes our thinking. It sets the wheels in motion and gives clarity to our decision making. If it’s the weather, we will steer toward a menu that celebrates the season. If it’s a casual dinner with friends, we may opt for something on the grill and wear blue jeans. If we’ve invited a special guest, we think about inviting guests who will appreciate meeting that person. Friends like to meet interesting people and learn new things.

3“There are a thousand reasons to have a party or to entertain, but as far as I’m concerned there is only one legitimate one. And that is to have a good time! If you don’t care about having fun, have a meeting.”


28 Envision thE ExPEriEncE

One evening, we hosted a dinner for Bill Milliken, the founder of Communities In Schools, an organization we have supported for many years. Friends were delighted to meet Bill and hear him speak – just a few short remarks during dinner. Even more fun was that for the entire evening, twenty-four very interesting and smart people talked primarily about education! The same thing happened when we hosted an individual heading up one of the state campaigns for a presidential candidate. Our guests were excited to hear from someone who was knowledgeable and involved. You can imagine what a lively conversation ensued. Once you have your hook, all the other pieces fall into place . . . very effortlessly!

Remember my friend Julie? Her hook was that her supper club had decided to serve an Italian dinner. Julie was inspired and equipped to create an experience – an evening that would be meaningful and memorable. With a few simple ideas, Julie transformed dinner in Charlotte to an evening in Tuscany. She set simple tables with white tablecloths, yellow tulips, and bread sticks in tall glasses. She set a bowl of lemons on one of the tables in the living room. When her guests arrived, she gave each person a name tag with an Italian version of his or her name and a glass of prosecco. Rick became Ricardo, Anne Marie became Anna Maria. As her guests assumed their Italian alter egos, so began a very special and memorable evening!

29EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING Envision thE ExPEriEncE


Envision the kind of evening you want to create, and let it inform every decision

A hook not only informs your decision making, but that special reason or occasion can give “your evening more focus, a little more energy,” (Sally Quinn, The Party). Special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, are wonderful hooks, but there are many other possibilities. We love NFL football and ACC basketball. Sports events are lively occasions and often call for displays of team spirit, a betting pool, and casual food. We might serve Brunswick stew with ham biscuits and cornbread. Or we might serve burgers. For either of these menus, we may add a sampling of local beers, just to jazz things up a bit.



The hook can be subtle

Often the hook is not something you overtly state to your guests. As I discussed earlier, the weather is often my most fundamental and frequent building block. Sometimes I also start with whether I want a more formal or casual evening. These first building blocks help me decide between china and pottery plates, damask and cotton, dining room and porch.

A while back, friends were in town for a funeral. That evening, we invited a small group for dinner. As I considered the evening, the thought that kept bubbling up in my mind was “comfort.” We needed the comfort of close friends – this was a time to only include people we all knew well. We needed a comfortable setting and an especially easy dinner, as I would be tied up most of the afternoon at the funeral. I began seeing a casual dinner that could be pulled together when I got home late in the day. I also envisioned a casual table setting, with simple flowers. I wanted to create a relaxed evening for good friends, a time for putting on our jeans and kicking off our shoes. I also knew the weather was going to be a little warmer – glimmers of spring. We served grilled pork tenderloin, which I had marinated the day before; roasted asparagus, which I had prepped the day before; rice; and salad, which I prepped earlier in the day. I had also set the table the day before. When we gathered, we relished the comfort food and comfort friendships.



Maybe it’s one small twist

Sometimes just adding one element to an evening sets a special tone. Ask your guests to bring something to the party, such as a bottle of wine in a brown paper bag for a blind tasting. For a birthday party, ask everyone to wear something that reminds them of the person whose birthday you’re celebrating.

Our friend Mary Beaver, who is wonderfully creative and thoughtful, had everyone write down a word describing a memory of “Uncle Jim,” whose birthday they were celebrating. During dinner, Uncle Jim got to tell the story behind each word. What a fun way to make the honored guest the center of everyone’s attention and to make him feel truly special!

Create a few go-to hooks

These are what I call “paint-by-number” evenings that include menus you know well, flower arrangements you’ve done before, and table settings you’ve used before. These paint-by-number evenings are handy when time is limited and you need to execute with the greatest ease. Make a practice of preparing menus and recipes for your family that you might also like to serve guests. When you have more time or the occasion calls for it, color outside the lines and be creative!


For her fiftieth birthday, our good friend Leslie Richardson decided that she would throw herself a cocktail party and that she wanted everyone to wear green. I know, we all thought, what in the world is she thinking? Leslie and JR have a beautiful home in Hilton Head, and she thought the “green theme” would be pretty for an outdoor event. And boy, was she right! Not only were the different shades of green so lovely on their lawn, it was incredible how much energy this fun twist added to the evening.



STEP FOUR

Make It a Meal to Remember

The menu is the building block upon which you build the fun.

Once you’ve chosen the experience you want your guests to enjoy, the menu becomes a part of that experience. What fits the experience? Think about getting dressed. Do you wear flip-flops with a cocktail dress? Do you wear snow boots in the summer? What enhances the experience? If it’s snowing outside and we want to create a cozy evening, let’s serve beef tenderloin or spaghetti with a hearty red meat sauce, big red wines, and a fabulous cheesecake for dessert. If summer has begun, let’s serve fried chicken (no, I don’t fry my own!), succotash, and corn muffins, with a blueberry cobbler for dessert. When we’re with family at the beach, my sister, Nikki, and her husband, Wayne, are always in charge of one of our dinners, and we insist they serve their Lowcountry boil. What suits this occasion better than a pot full of peel-and-eat shrimp, fresh corn, new potatoes, and sausage? We cover the table with newspaper, set out rolls of paper towels, and share one of summer’s best meals!

Recently, as spring was just beginning, we were gathering with family at my niece’s home. I had insisted on bringing dinner. As I considered the evening, my hook was the season – the early days of spring. I saw us sitting on her porch with their young children playing in the backyard. I also knew her family would be going out of town the next day; i.e. minimal mess. For dinner, I took fried chicken from Reid’s (a favorite local grocer), rice salad, marinated green beans, and brownies. My sister, Nikki, added a wonderful simple salad with feta and tomatoes. My niece Nicole, to appease the younger crowd, added mac and cheese. I brought everything ready to serve and, because it could all be served room temperature, we were able to relax with cocktails on the porch until dinner. And then all we had to do was uncover dinner, make our plates, and return to the porch. A casual, no-fuss gathering!

4“It is interesting to think that the very first liquid ever poured on the moon and the first food eaten there were communion elements.”

– BUZZ ALDRIN

36 MakE it a MEal to rEMEMBEr

Two weeks after this gathering, Ed and I, along with a few other couples, hosted a small dinner to honor our good friends Mary Joyce and Steve Monahan’s son and his fiancé. Once again, spring and the prospect of being in the garden spoke to us, along with the fact that this would be a celebratory occasion. We wanted our menu to reflect that. We served beef tenderloin, potatoes, marinated asparagus, spinach salad, cheese biscuits, and assorted fruit and chocolate tarts. We welcomed our guests with a special cocktail, called the Caipirinha, from the bride’s native country, Brazil. This was a perfect spring cocktail served on silver trays as our guests arrived. Everything was prepared in advance, and we employed a server so all of our host couples were free to enjoy the party.

Both of these menus reflected the season and the occasion, were easy to prepare in advance and, for the most part, could be served at room temperature. Most important, let’s remember that the meal and the friendship are the reasons we’re gathering. Breaking bread is the sacred tradition of coming together and binding us to one another. Choosing special things to serve (not necessarily fancy, just special) honors this tradition.

“Serving is one of life’s privileges. The service of guests at table is perhaps civilization’s

most ancient expression of hospitality. I think of

Abraham and Sarah serving a quickly prepared

feast to three strangers by the oaks of Mare and

‘entertaining angels unawares.’ I think of Martha

preparing supper in Bethany while Mary kept Jesus

company. And of the risen Christ breaking bread

at table in Emmaus. ‘There is a call to us,’ Dorothy

Day wrote, ‘a call of service – that we join with

others to try to make things better in this world.’

Serving others at table is parable of the larger call of

service God gives to each of us. The poor need us. The

world needs us. What matters in life is not what we

have, but what we give. Which is why the Lord said,

‘The greatest among you will be your servant.’”

– THE RT. REV. HENRY NUTT PARSLEY, JR.In Order to Serve


Let the seasons speak

Winter makes us crave heartier foods that warm the body and the soul: soups, stews, Italian favorites, such as lasagna and spaghetti with meatballs. Spring calls for something simpler, lighter, such as grilled fish and grilled spring vegetables. By summer, we want to celebrate all that the season offers: fried chicken, sliced tomatoes and basil, succotash. Fall anchors us again with warmer foods, both in texture and color: a pork roast with cranberry relish and roasted root vegetables.

Try local

If possible, cook with what’s local. Find markets in your area that provide great local produce, and cultivate relationships. Dale at our County Market can choose a cantaloupe for me based on when I want to slice it. I can call Susan at Maw’s Produce in the mountains and have her hold fresh limas and lady peas for me, knowing that she sells out quickly. Knowing great local sources for fresh foods makes it easy!

Know thy grocer

I think many of us love to shop where we know people and where we’re known. I love walking into one of our local grocers, Reid’s, and having the guys in the meat department greet me by name. Additionally, this becomes a big help when I need a cut of meat prepared a specific way for a recipe. Bucky and Mac at Reid’s know exactly what I want when I order a pork roast. It saves time and ensures I will always get exactly what I need.


39EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING MakE it a MEal to rEMEMBEr

The plate is a palette

Our senses and appetite are heightened when we see a variety of colors and textures. A crunchy green salad with creamy white potatoes is better than yellow squash casserole with corn pudding. Think of these visuals when you’re picking that hook, because as much fun as it might seem to have a color theme, you don’t necessarily want a plate of all yellow food staring back at you.

Your main dish should be enhanced by your side dishes. Burgers call for simple sides that go with burgers, not steaks. Maybe smashed potatoes instead of mashed potatoes. Maybe a corn and black bean salad instead of creamed spinach.

Consider (and remember) what your guests enjoy

Over the years, I have made mental notes of what some of our guests like best. Walt loves pine nuts on the salad, Scot loves my homemade croutons, and everyone at our house knows that “Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob wants a brownie” . . . that sounds better when you can hear the catchy little tune! Your close friends will feel extra special if you remember their favorites – as well as their dietary concerns. When dear friend Peggy is coming for dinner, a gluten-heavy meal, such as lasagna, would not be ideal!



Guests are not lab mice!

Be careful about when and how you experiment with new dishes. Choose recipes you know to be wonderful – tried and true – known crowd-pleasers. I wholeheartedly encourage trying new recipes, but save those for your family! Not having to worry how the meal will turn out will be a big stress reducer.

Once, when I went against my own recommendations, I did not serve Rob Cochran’s favorite dessert: Talenti gelato over a brownie with fresh fruit and Dee Marley’s fabulous chocolate sauce. I had also decided to experiment on my guests, another no-no. I served a very fancy chocolate terrine that took quite a long time to prepare. Ed promptly exclaimed that the dessert was inedible, but did so in a sweet, funny way that made all of us laugh. Had I followed my own advice, I could have saved myself hours of work and served my guest one of his very favorite desserts.

Choose easy and make-ahead dishes

Serve dishes that can be made ahead of time, the ones that require very little last-minute preparation prior to serving. The last thing your guests want to see is you standing over the stove or chopping vegetables during the cocktail hour, no matter how cute you look. Dishes that can be served at room temperature are helpful. Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa, suggests cooking only two of the items and buying the rest. Pace yourself, and know your limits for having everything ready at once.

“When you invite someone to sit at your table and you cook for

them, you are inviting them into your life.”

– MAYA ANGELOU

41EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING MakE it a MEal to rEMEMBEr

Cultivate catering and server relationships

There may be occasions when you want to have the evening catered. Another option is to cook your dinner and bring in someone to help serve and clean up. I generally like to hire someone to help if I have twelve people or more. Often I cook the meal, but have assistance during the evening to help with transitions and keep me from having a big cleanup when everyone leaves. I would also suggest that there are occasions when you want to bring in a meal from a trusted resource. I don’t make lasagna, and I don’t fry chicken (long story), however, I serve lasagna and fried chicken often. I have great go-to resources for both. Having these options in your back pocket can make entertaining much easier. If you don’t know who these people are, ask your friends. As I travel with Effortless Entertaining, I’ll make recommendations in the newsletter for trusted sources in cities I visit.

Can we bring something? YES!

Often guests will offer to bring something, and one should never be uncomfortable about saying, “Yes!” We find that especially with close friends, it’s a great way for us to get together without one person having to do everything. People are happy to bring something they like preparing and sharing. Having everyone bring something often creates great camaraderie. So share the joy – let others help!

Over New Year’s, when many good friends were together in the mountains, we celebrated a very festive evening with everyone bringing something. Our good friends Perry and Bob opened their beautiful home. Several of us brought our favorite chili. We lined the pots up on their island and everyone had a great time sampling all the pots of chili. Others brought hors d’oeuvres, salads, and desserts, and it was BYOB for everyone. What a great way to throw a party with everyone chipping in!



STEP FIVE

Consider the Cocktails or Mocktails

Drinks are not the sidekicks to dinner. They deserve equal respect.

Cocktails and mocktails (alcohol-free) are as important as your menu in creating the evening you envision. It can be anything from sparkling water to a full bar, and everything in between. The good news is, for the most part, we’re dealing with non-perishables. Whatever you buy will not go to waste, and that gives you great latitude to be creative. Making sure you have something on hand to drink that will appeal to the widest group of guests is another part of making them comfortable. If I know my guests well, I try to anticipate what they’ll want. Keep in mind that if you limit what you offer, you may have a guest who will not find what he or she likes most. Even if it’s not a special occasion, whether we serve a mojito or a Perrier with lime, our cocktails and mocktails say that being together is special.

5“Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

– W. C. FIELDS

44 consiDEr thE cocktails or Mocktails

Welcome guests with a drink

As I noted in Step One, I’m a big fan of the welcome drink. It says, “I’m excited you’re here, and I wanted to do something special for you.” Often you can make a big batch of something, and have it already poured, garnished, and on a tray for the minute your guests arrive.

I once decided, almost right before our guests arrived, to serve mojitos as a welcome drink. I had never made them before, and I most certainly did not have them ready when our guests arrived. However, with a little help from my husband, we whipped up some fine mojitos. People who said they “never drink these kind of drinks” were having another.

Champagne is also a lovely welcome drink that I especially like to serve during the holidays, but it is most certainly not confined to the holidays. I share Madame Bollinger’s sentiment:

“I only drink champagne when I am happy and when I am sad. Sometimes I drink it when I am alone. When I have company, I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it when I am not hungry, and drink it when I am. Otherwise, I never touch it – unless I am thirsty.”

So serve champagne when your guests might least expect it!

Consider what your guests enjoy

As with my menus, I try to consider what our guests prefer. JR is partial to vodka and grapefruit. Andy drinks Mount Gay and tonic in a short glass. Jeff prefers his cocktail in a tall glass. Beyond what I know, I try to cover the basics. In Sources & Resources, you’ll find a Bar Shopping Guide, complete with quantities needed based on your number of guests. I’ll provide glass recommendations and sources, as well as cocktail and mocktail recipes.


45EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING consiDEr thE cocktails or Mocktails

Location is key when setting up the bar

The size of your party will influence how and where you set up your bar. We have a small built-in bar in our home that is set up nicely for a small dinner party. Ed can easily handle everyone’s drink and wine preferences from that bar. For a larger gathering, more than 10 to 12 people, we may set up a stand-alone bar that can either be self-serve or handled by a bartender. We will often set up this type of bar in a place where it will draw people to that area and where it won’t create congestion. If you have a porch or patio and the weather is conducive, setting the bar outside may work well. Often we will put beer iced down in a large self-serve container on the porch. Each home provides its own best places. It might be a counter in the kitchen or a kitchen table. And certainly even a bar cart can be an attractive option for a smaller party. We have a 5' rectangular folding table that is lightweight and very portable. It’s our go-to option for a stand-alone bar.

BYOB

It is absolutely acceptable to ask people to BYOB (Bring Your Own Bottle). We know that many of our guests will bring wine. For those who may bring liquor, we provide mixers.



The basics of the bar

BEER

Given the range of personal preferences in this category, it’s nearly impossible to cover everyone’s favorite. We usually buy at least two selections that we like (this way we are happy with the leftovers!) and add one or two other choices. It’s always a good idea to include a couple of local and craft beers as well.


WINE

Red and white, of course. It’s nice to offer two varietals of each. You may want to consider a cabernet sauvignon and pinot noir for the red and a pinot grigio and a chardonnay for the white. Rosés are also very popular and a good addition, especially for the summer months. Wine should only be poured to the widest part of the glass. Do not fill the wineglass. Serve to your guest by holding the stem or the bottom of the glass.

WINE SHOPPING SECRETS

One does not have to take out a second mortgage to serve great wine. You can get discounts on mixed cases at the grocery store or one of the large wine retailers. They usually have knowledgeable staff who can help you put together a nice and reasonably priced selection. When shopping for wine in a larger grocery, consider the second shelf from the top for your best value. Wines on the second shelf will be very good and reasonably priced. Look for wines that are on sale and, if you add a case discount, you’ll manage to save quite a bit on your selections.

CULTIVATE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WINE STORE

Find someone you like and trust, and ask for help in choosing wines. Help this person understand what you like and what your price range is. Don’t worry if you don’t have a Dom Pérignon budget. There are many fine wines in the $15–$20 range, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. We (and by “we,” I mean Ed!) will be making wine recommendations in the My Effortless Entertaining newsletter. We will often include wines in that price range. We will also make recommendations of other wines that may be a little more expensive for those occasions where you want something more special.

GIVE THIS JOB TO YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER

My husband buys all the wine. When we got married, he knew very little about wine, but over the years has become more knowledgeable and thoroughly enjoys finding and buying wines. It’s become a fun way for him to help when we entertain.



LIQUORVodka, gin, rum, bourbon, and scotch are the usual suspects in any well-stocked bar. If you want to go the extra mile, you might want to add tequila (fine tequila has become a popular sipping drink) or vermouth for martinis. During the summer, we may also have Firefly vodka on hand – mixed with lemonade, it tastes just like an Arnold Palmer. The most important task is to cover the basics – the possibilities are endless if you want to add the extras.

MUST-HAVE MIXERS AND SET-UPS

When it comes to mixers, once again, cover the basics first. See the short list below and find quantities needed in Sources & Resources. For mixers, such as water and juices, it’s nice to serve those in pitchers and/or carafes. Mixers that are carbonated, such as soft drinks, sparkling water, club soda, and tonic, should stay in their cans or bottles. Be sure to have lemons and limes on hand already pre-cut and one or two that are whole in case someone wants a twist.

• Water – in a pitcher or carafe chilled with a little ice

• Soda, Perrier, or Pellegrino – Yes, there is a difference in the taste between soda and sparkling waters.

• Soft drinks – Coke, ginger ale, Sprite

• Tonic

• Cranberry juice

• Orange juice

• Grapefruit juice

• Lemons and limes – cut into wedges, placed in bowls


Bar extras

There are many options for expanding on the bar basics: margaritas, martinis, cosmopolitans, and the list goes on. One thing to remember is that creativity does not necessarily mean tremendous effort or great cost. Once you learn how to make a martini, you will find it is quite easy. In the My Effortless Entertaining newsletter, we will explore some of the many cocktails and mocktails to offer guests. Like well-planned dishes, they can be fun and effortless!

WINEGLASSES

We prefer a nice thin glass, with a rim that is not rolled. One can truly feel the difference between a clunky and heavy rolled-rim glass and a thinner, lighter glass. Riedel is a wineglass maker that is widely known. We have both the cabernet and the chardonnay sizes. We also like the Riedel stemless glasses, although we don’t typically use those at the table unless we are super casual. More on glass recommendations in Step Eight and in Sources & Resources.

COCKTAIL GLASSES

It’s nice to offer guests a highball (tall) glass or a old-fashioned (short) glass. People really do prefer one or the other. Once again, it’s good to invest in nice cocktail glasses, and they need not be expensive. See Sources & Resources.



STEP SIX

Set the Tone – Tables & Trays

If dinner with friends is a gift, then the table is how we wrap the present.

Craig Claiborne knows his stuff. The table is not an opportunity to show off. It’s one more way we say, “Welcome! You and this evening are special!” Just as a wrapped present creates excitement for what is to come, our table and trays do the same thing for our meal. I love to create a table that draws our guests into the experience.

Start with a blank slate, and then envision the evening. If it’s a formal evening, bring out the fine china, silver, and crystal. If it’s a casual evening, bring out pottery plates, colorful napkins, chunky glasses, or simple flowers. For instance, when we serve ribs, I use heavier pottery plates and, instead of napkins, I put rolls of paper towels down the middle of the table. I also set out empty bowls for the discarded bones. (Nobody wants discarded bones on their dinner plate – give them a proper resting place!) We use stemless wineglasses and casual chunky water glasses. I even encourage bottles of beer on the table. Low vases with sunflowers are the perfect arrangement for this simple and fun setting.

And, of course, there is everything in between these two ends of the spectrum. Having a selection of basic things on hand makes this easier, and it need not be expensive. For example, a set of plain white plates is the most versatile staple when it comes to setting any table and can be dressed up or down. Making your table festive can be easy, too. Several years ago, my daughter Carolyn and I raided the Target after-Christmas sale for a little glitz and glitter for our New Year’s Eve dinner. We have used those same things every year since! No matter what the occasion, the table invites our guests into that experience. It’s a wonderful way that we make our guests feel special. It’s how we wrap our gift of hospitality!

6“Resist the temptation to make the table setting the living embodiment of your ego.”

– CRAIG CLAIBORNE

52 sEt thE tonE – taBlEs & traYs

For a dinner with friends in the mountains, we set a long table on the porch with Provençal tablecloths and napkins. The centerpieces were cylinders with ferns on the inside and candled lamps on top. Surrounding these were votive candles. Nothing about this table setting was complicated or expensive. Although I can’t remember what I served for dinner that night, I do remember how excited everyone was to sit down to that table. The fun atmosphere from dinner led to dancing and even a visit from the authorities for making too much noise!

53EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING sEt thE tonE – taBlEs & traYs


Tables of all shapes and sizes

If possible, use what you have and make it work. I love a cozy table, so it’s not unusual for me to squeeze people in a bit. I think it makes for a more intimate and lively dinner. We have a small, informal table that is meant for six. It’s approximately 5' long by 3' wide. I often squeeze in eight by putting two at each end. Our dining room table can expand to 11' by 4' to seat fourteen by putting two on each end. A 4' round is typically for six, but also works for eight. A 5' round is good for eight, but can work for ten. A 6' round is ideal for ten, but with small chairs you could squeeze twelve. See Sources & Resources for table and tablecloth size chart.

A good item to have on hand is a table topper, which can make a 5' round out of a 3' square table (a card table). They fold in half and can be easily stored in a closet. In our previous home, I would use one of these in our living room, which was adjacent to the dining room, when we had a large group. Even though guests were in different rooms, everyone felt like they were together. If you need to seat your guests at tables in different rooms, that’s okay, too. Try mixing things up for dessert, or you may want to let people go back into “cocktail” mode for desserts and mingling.

Think ahead!

Give it thought and think creatively. It also helps if you have things on hand that you can use no matter the occasion. I’m always looking for napkins, tablecloths, candles, glasses, plates, etc. And I’m always buying things on sale! We’ll talk more about having things on hand in Step Eight. It’s okay to mix and match napkins, plates, or silver. If you do mix and match, make it look intentional. Remember that you’re creating an experience, not confusion! If you’re serving barbecue ribs, you may not want to use the fine china. You may even want to use





paper plates and paper napkins or, as I do, rolls of paper towels. Set the table ahead of time. Sometimes the most fun and welcoming tables are the most simple.

Guests appreciate place cards

Place cards create comfort for your guests and ease for you. For a larger group, they keep you from having to make last-minute decisions on where to place people, and they keep your guests from figuring this out if you don’t. Guests like guidance – it creates comfort! I always keep place cards on hand – simple ecru that can be used for any occasion. I also have some others on hand that are a little more special or fun. Place cards are also a great way to speak to the occasion or the season. I keep place cards that I use for “repeat” dinners, such as Christmas Eve.

“Don’t expect guests to seat themselves – it’s

your dining room, not Southwest Airlines.”

– MADELINE STUART, Designer



Be strategic with your seating

Thinking about the seating also gives you the opportunity to consider whether you need to honor someone by seating that person next to your partner or yourself. Think about who might be excited to sit near each other, who is quiet, who is more chatty, which guests have things in common.

You know your guests best – think about how you can make their dinner most enjoyable. My husband and I always separate couples. He sits at one end of the table, and I sit at the other end, closest to the kitchen. If we have more than one table, he is seated at one table and I am seated at the other, and we put spouses at different tables. Not everyone has to be in the same room. Spouses do not need to, and in my opinion ought not to, sit together. Why sit next to the person we see and talk to every day? Dinner conversation is far more lively and interesting for everyone if we are sitting next to people we don’t see all the time or may not know very well.

Where does everything go?

First of all, let me say with great relief that we’re in a generation and a time when we don’t have to follow every letter of the “how to set a proper table” law. It is nice, though, to remember the fundamentals:

• Make a ‘b’ with your left hand and a ‘d’ with your right hand. Bread plates to the left, drinks to the right.

• Wineglasses are to the outside of the water glasses.

• Napkins and forks are on the left, knives and spoons are on the right. Knife blades are turned toward the plates.

• Pieces being used first are on the outside.

These are the basics, but feel free to do your own thing! For a very cozy table, I might put the fork and knife on the napkin. You can put the napkin on top of the plate or under the plate. Do what you’re most comfortable doing – remember, this is not a performance.

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”

– KATHARINE HEPBURN

Our good friend Lynn Tate, when having friends over for

dinner at Grandfather, set tables for 6–8 on the porch and in their dining room. It

was a perfect way to seat guests in small groups so that good conversation could be

enjoyed at each table.




Get creative with centerpieces and tablescapes

As a centerpiece, flowers are certainly a wonderful option, but not the only one. In our casual dining area, I have three pottery vases that can serve as a centerpiece with or without flowers. One of our friends keeps a beautiful sculpted and painted magnolia branch on her table all the time. It truly is a work of art. This friend is a lovely host, but does not especially care to arrange flowers. In the spirit of effortless entertaining, she chooses an easy and elegant solution. A table set with candles and votives may not need a centerpiece at all.




Ring around the napkin

While not necessary, napkin rings can be another way to be creative. A sprig of rosemary could be used; ribbon or twine, with or without something attached. Maybe you attach something that speaks to the occasion: a bookmark, a heart for Valentine’s Day, or an ornament at Christmas.

For several years, we gave good friends silver snowflake ornaments for Christmas. One of these friends runs a red ribbon through each snowflake and ties one to each napkin. Another friend lays these on the table, and another hangs them from her chandelier. All beautiful and creative ways to enhance the table and speak to the occasion.


Trays can be special, too

Trays are a wonderful option for a casual evening, or even for a more formal or festive occasion when you have more people than you can seat at your table. Even when using trays, you can make your place settings attractive with a little thought. You can pre-set the trays with placemats, napkins, and silverware, or you can wrap the silverware in napkins separately, using ribbon or twine to keep them together. Consider very attractive paper placemats for a more casual evening or use linen if the evening is more formal. Using trays doesn’t mean it can’t be special.



STEP SEVEN

Style – Simple to Spectacular

Every gathering has its own unique signature, something that can be traced back to the love we feel for our guests.

There are many ways and places to use flowers, fruit, and candles. These are the extra touches that enhance the experience you’re creating and let your guests know that this is a special evening. There are areas where flowers or candles can transform a space, turning it from ordinary to extraordinary. And it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive.

I like to do a “walkabout” of my home before a party so that I can determine those areas where our guests will be – areas that will be enhanced by flowers, a candle, or a votive. The powder room is an obvious area. Because our powder room is near the foyer and the dining room, I don’t like to use a scented candle. I will often use a more scented flower, such as a lily. Just one stem in a tall vase is all that’s needed. Flowers or candles in the foyer are a lovely way to welcome our guests. A single rose or a peony in a bud vase in the powder room, a bunch of tulips in the center of a coffee table, and sunflowers in a tall water pitcher on the porch are all nice options. A light touch goes a long way and conveys to your guests that you made the extra effort to make them feel special. Thinking ahead will allow you to include these extra touches easily and, yes, effortlessly.

7“Making our guests feel loved does not require a complicated event. Just a memorable one.”

– HUGH ACHESON

66 stYlE – siMPlE to sPEctacul ar

Places and spaces

Consider the areas your guests will be, and think about what might be enhanced by an extra touch, such as flowers, fruit, plants, candles.

• Dining tables• Powder room• Foyer• Kitchen• Living room• Porch


67EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING stYlE – siMPlE to sPEctacul ar

Keep it simple

Some consider flower arranging a challenge, and others consider it a joy. Either way, keeping it simple can help create a beautiful table without stress. For the table, choose a single flower and repeat it on the table in multiple containers. Or, choose two to three flowers and repeat the same arrangement in multiple containers. Of course, you can always make one arrangement for the center of the table. A little goes a long way. For our good friend JR’s birthday, Leslie only used red roses in small rectangular mirrored containers with votives. Perfect!



Or make it spectacular!

If you have a flair for flowers, then go for it! Doing what we enjoy when entertaining makes it more fun. To make it effortless, plan in advance and make these arrangements at least a day, if not two days, ahead of time. If you want spectacular and you don’t have a flair, then ask a friend to help or hire a florist. We do not have to do everything ourselves. Cultivate a relationship with a florist who knows what you like and will appreciate what you want to spend.


Twelve inches or lower

Keep arrangements on the table low enough that your guests can see over them. Don’t make arrangements that interfere with your guests’ line of sight to others at the table. Twelve inches from table to the top of the arrangement is the tallest any flower arrangement should be. The only exception to this is if the flowers are above the line of sight in a very tall, thin, cylinder.

Scent

Consider the scent of your flowers, and be sure that you don’t include anything that will interfere with the aromas of your delicious meal or the special wine you might be serving.

“I have been at dinner parties where I wanted to take a baseball bat and knock the bloody flower arrangement off the table.”




Paint-by-numbers arrangements

Have a few containers and know the flowers that work best in them – these are your “go-to” arrangements. Or just use a single flower and arrange in big bunches or in single vases.

Enhance the experience

Remember your “hook” and hang the flowers you choose on it. Consider the season and the formality of the table.

Think outside the “flower box”

Consider using fruit – bowls of apples, lemons, limes. You may want to use herbs. You may choose to use containers other than vases, such as pitchers, jars, wood boxes, even potted plants. During the summer, I especially like to use fresh herbs in small vases on the table or herbs planted in small containers.

Be prepared

Keep floral supplies on hand: Oasis foam, floral wire, vase liners, and even a tape measure. Remember the 12-inch height rule!




STEP EIGHT

Don’t Wait for the Party to Be Ready for the Party

Your pantry and your cabinets can never be too organized, and color coding is your friend.

We’ve invited our guests, envisioned the evening, thought about our menu and the bar, and decided on our table. To successfully and effortlessly pull this wonderful evening together, we need to plan and prepare. This is helped tremendously if we already have much of what we need on hand. Just as we keep our pantry stocked, it helps if, as my sister Nikki says, we “stock the party pantry.”

Organizing any space is easy for me. It must be in my DNA, which I have also passed along to my daughter Elizabeth. We see the world in rows and columns, all color coded. Added to this is my unbridled enthusiasm for all things kitchen, cooking, and dining. It’s a genetic match made in heaven! My favorite places to shop are the grocery store, farmer’s market, kitchen store, and china shops. I would rather buy stemware than a new pair of shoes, and I adore shoes. I recognize and appreciate that having a pantry stacked with OXO containers does not make others leap for joy. I also understand that finding a set of color-coded measuring spoons or the perfect water goblet is not how most people spend their shopping excursions. And yet, I have also discovered that when someone’s kitchen and entertaining areas are well-equipped and organized, they are more excited about entertaining.

A dear friend of mine, Joan Wright, is such a person. Joan is absolutely brilliant, the author of two wonderful books, and a nationally sought-after organizational consultant and leadership coach. Frustrated by her kitchen and entertaining areas, Joan hired me to help create spaces that she would enjoy if serving dinner for two or twenty. I spent a day organizing, editing, resurrecting, and rearranging. We tossed out things that were dated and tired. We breathed new life into things that, although old, were great looking and timeless.

8“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.”

– A. A. MILNE

74 Don’t Wait for thE PartY to BE rEaDY for thE PartY

With that done, I made a few recommendations of items that Joan needed for a well-stocked party pantry.

About six months later, Joan and I happened to be in one of our favorite local shops, 3 French Hens. I saw Joan walk right by placemats that would have been perfect with her new plates and that were especially well priced. I brought her back over to the placemats and recommended she buy them, to which she replied, “How many should I buy?” As smart as Joan is, she simply does not keep the essentials of entertaining top of mind. Yet, I know that she wants the pleasure of gathering friends in her home. Why am I telling you this story? Like Joan, you may not have a natural inclination for all things entertaining, but you want to do it. I can help!

75EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING Don’t Wait for thE PartY to BE rEaDY for thE PartY

HOW MANY PLACE SETTINGS SHOULD JOAN BUY?

a) Only two. Entertaining is overrated.

b) 8–12, depending on the size of her table.

c) 20. You never know when she’ll need to host a state dinner.

Twelve is the best answer here, because it’s nice to have matching placemats for the holidays or any occasion where there may be twelve people at the same table. People would not expect you to have matching table settings for twenty, at least not the people I know.


“Effortless Essentials”

As we go forward in this guide and in the newsletter, I’ll continue to make recommendations for dinnerware, barware, cookware, centerpieces, etc. At the back of this binder, in Style Points, you’ll see how I differentiate between entertaining “Essentials” and “Extras.” In Sources & Resources, you’ll find specific product recommendations for items that fit your lifestyle, your entertaining preferences, and your budget. Not everything is for everyone!

Create a well-stocked and well-organized kitchen

A well-stocked kitchen leads to effortlessly prepared meals. If your kitchen is stocked and organized, cooking is much easier and far more pleasurable. A cluttered, poorly organized kitchen creates extra work and aggravation. Take the time to think through what you need, what you can toss, and how to best organize your kitchen. If this isn’t something that comes easily to you, ask for help. An investment of your time and maybe a little expense will pay big dividends in how much you enjoy cooking and preparing for guests.



Create a party file

Create a file (either online or in this binder) where you can keep links, pictures, clippings, and magazine articles with great ideas. I especially like to keep photos of flower arrangements and table settings. A lot of people do this online with Pinterest. And, of course, we all know how easy it is to snap a photo anywhere of anything we like. Go one step further and start keeping these photos in a folder on your computer or your phone. Camera Roll, Dropbox, and other apps allow you to put images into folders and also tag them to organize. If you don’t know how to do this, ask any teenager!



Outsource!

You don’t have to do everything. Figure out who in your community makes the very best – you name it: lasagna, caramel cake, chocolate sauce. Learn who does what and get to know these people. Have their phone numbers in your contacts and at the ready. One of the most important things to remember about entertaining effortlessly is to do the things you like to do and farm out the things you don’t. If you like to cook, turn on the oven. If you like to arrange flowers, clip away. If you don’t, there are others who do. One friend confesses that she doesn’t like to cook, but she loves to set the table. I say, buy the lasagna locally and spend your energy on the table!

Figure out a great party rental store in your community. The quality of party rentals has improved, and the cost can be very reasonable. It’s particularly helpful to make a field trip to that store and decide what items you like. Although we have enough glasses to serve a small army, I don’t hesitate to rent the glasses if we’re having a larger event. I have found glasses at our party rental store that we like, and it keeps a server or me from having to wash all our glasses after the party. I think renting plates is a great idea when having a large dinner party. The same is true for tablecloths and napkins. Although I typically use my own, a trip to your party rental store can help you determine what you like and would want to rent if you were having a large group.


Sharing is caring

When Ed and I were newly married, my party pantry was not as well stocked as it is today, after twenty-seven years of marriage. We used to borrow from friends, and friends borrowed from us. Our next-door neighbor, Dany Williams, and I each bought a dozen “workhorse” wineglasses that we kept in boxes so that we could trade back and forth when we were having a big group and didn’t want to use the “good stuff.” Nan Williams used to borrow my table toppers, and she knew I also had two dozen backup white dinner plates. Recently I had completely forgotten to rent chairs I needed for a brunch, and I was able to borrow from my friend, Claudia Heath, who had her own set of the same popular event chairs. I have since bought them, too, so I don’t have to rent and always have them on hand.

If you’re just starting out, or if you’re having a large party, sharing with friends is a great way to help one another. I find that friends love helping one another – sharing feels good, just like it did in kindergarten!



Keep a list of good caterers and servers

Get to know people in your community who cater and people who serve. For dinner with friends, I like to cook. If I’m having twelve or more people, I will sometimes hire someone to help serve and clean up. It keeps me from having a lot of dishes at the end of the evening.

To illustrate the point, I’ll share a story of a recent fundraising event we hosted in our home. The event was part of the Charlotte Wine and Food Weekend, an incredible multi-event weekend that benefits several Charlotte children’s charities. We were given the unique opportunity by our friend Dockery Clark to host one of the in-home dinners, featuring California husband-and-wife winemakers Jeff Pisoni and Bibiana Ravé, as well as Chef Michael Kramer of Table 301 Restaurant Group. Chef Michael, along with his sous chef and pastry chef, prepared a five-course dinner for twenty-four, with each of the first four courses paired with wines donated by our winemakers. A local caterer, Porcupine Provisions, provided the service with four people to help serve, clear, and clean up. This dinner required 96 plates, 24 soup bowls, 96 wineglasses, 24 champagne glasses, 24 water goblets, 96 forks, 24 soup spoons, 48 knives, and 24 napkins.


This is an extreme example to demonstrate that there are very few people who would have all these items in their party pantry! With the help of our local party rental store, I was able to combine glass rentals for the wine tastings with my glasses for water and champagne. I also combined my china dinner and dessert plates with very nice selections from the rental store for the soup course and one of the salad courses. If I had not bought the chairs that I had previously been renting, I would have also rented those. The bottom line on having a big party like this? You don’t have to go it alone. Give yourself permission to ask for help.

Knowing what I had and knowing where to find what I didn’t, along with making a plan with small, easy-to-execute steps – See Step Nine – made it easy! Yes, this party took some effort, but it felt effortless!



Make a record of your menus

Why reinvent the wheel every time you want to entertain? I created this binder to make it easy for you to create lists of menus, and to make and keep your notes all in one place. Our friend Cornelia Hoover, who is a wonderful cook, keeps a spreadsheet to record the details of each dinner party: who was there, what she served, and anything else of note. You’ll thank yourself for keeping everything in one place, and future generations will thank you for the legacy of these recipes and how-tos. In Sources & Resources, you’ll find a Party Journal to help you get started. Think of all the delicious wisdom you’ll be passing along.

Organize your recipes

Again, there are so many ways you can do this! There are tabs in this binder, just as there are tabs in my favorite cookbooks, so that the recipes used most often are easy to find. I also keep recipes on my computer so that I can access and print. Members of the Effortless Entertaining community will have online access to all the menus and recipes recommended in the guide and the newsletters.

A good friend of mine, Hester Hodde, a great cook and a student of everything she does, has organized all her recipes into binders. She has copied the recipes she uses and has put them into plastic sleeves in three-ring binders, organized by season. Imagine how this has simplified things for her. When she wants to entertain, she goes to that season’s binder and voilà! All of the recipes she loves to cook are right there! Lucky for busy you, you’ll have this Effortless Entertaining binder right in your very own kitchen to make things super easy and accessible.




STEP NINE

Plan Your Work & Work Your Plan

A little advance planning brings tremendous ease in entertaining!

Entertaining is really like following a recipe. You gather your ingredients and follow the steps. A good dish that everyone loves does not have to be complicated or expensive and often can be made in advance. The same is true with entertaining. Much of the work can be done ahead of time so that on the day of your dinner party, you are not overwhelmed. I find that when we break a dinner party down into easy-to-follow steps, it really is quite easy and feels effortless.

There are many times when we decide to invite friends for dinner at the last minute, and by last minute, I mean the day of or maybe a few hours before. This can be done easily when we have all the basics as described in Step Eight. Because I have “not waited for the party to be ready for the party,” I have placemats, plates, glasses, and my paint-by-number menus. All I have to do is choose a menu that’s easy for last minute – something on the grill, a simple side, and a salad. A quick trip to the grocery, and we’re ready to roll. An even easier way to entertain last minute is to have some things already prepared and in the freezer. I find this is especially easy during the winter, when we are more likely to want the types of things I cook and freeze, such as Beef Bourguignon and spaghetti sauce.

Here’s where I need you to stay with me! I’m about to help you plan the week and day leading up to your gathering – not your whole life, just the things that relate to entertaining. When you look at all the details in the timeline, you may think, Hmm, we were having such a nice time. None of this feels effortless anymore. You have to trust me. As I’ve said, breaking things down into manageable parts ensures that you will be completely prepared well before your first guest arrives. Preparation = effortless.

9“My friend Sybil says that the heart of hospitality is when people leave your home, they should feel better about themselves, not better about you.”

– SHAUNA NIEQUIST

86 Pl an Your Work & Work Your Pl an

Remember the story about the four-course wine dinner for twenty-four? Yes, I know I didn’t have to cook the dinner, but I did have to do quite a few other things. There were tables to set, with almost two hundred pieces of silverware. I had to arrange the flowers; replace the candles, including the candle-lit chandelier; fluff the house; greet the chef and help his team figure out what they needed; greet the winemakers and the wine distributors who would be pouring the wine; and walk the dog a few times! Did I mention we live on the ninth floor of a high-rise? I was ready well before the first guest arrived – even well before anyone arrived. By breaking down what needed to be done, making a list of a few things that could be done each day, I never felt overloaded. I was relaxed and excited when the party began.

If it’s bossy of me to insist that you have fun at your own party, then so be it. You must have fun, you deserve to, and your guests will have more fun, too. You will create a memorable evening.

87EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING Pl an Your Work & Work Your Pl an


The week before your party:

MENU – Decide what to serve; pull any recipes needed. Use a Menu and GamePlan provided by Effortless Entertaining!

SHOPPING LIST – Check your pantry and refrigerator and make your grocery list. Use a Shopping List provided by Effortless Entertaining!

DRINKS – Make your list and, if possible, shop for these items. See Bar Shopping Guide in Sources & Resources.

FLOWERS – Decide what, if any, flowers you will want.

TABLE LINENS, CANDLES – Check to make sure you have what you need and that linens are pressed. Pull these out if space allows.

PLATES, SILVER, SERVING PLATTERS, BOWLS – Check to make sure you have what you need and pull these out if space allows. If you’re using any silver, make sure it’s polished.

When I’m preparing for a party, especially when I’m thinking about the menu, the cocktails, linens, etc., I like to create a time and space to savor this activity. I keep my cookbooks and recipes in an area that is easily accessible to the kitchen counter where, depending on the time of day, I can sip a cup of coffee or a glass of wine while I’m planning. I also keep my Effortless Entertaining notebook with my cookbooks, so I can easily reference the cheat sheets. I hope you’ll do this, too! Whether I’m choosing from one of my paint-by-number menus, many of which are in Effortless Entertaining, or creating something new, I can easily check the pantry and refrigerator to make my grocery list. I can make a list of other items needed and check to make sure I have those on hand. On one page, I list my menu, guest list, tasks, and timeline.



As you envision your evening, consider where your guests will be and what they might need.

• Where will coats and purses go?

• Will dinner be seated or on trays?

• Will you serve plates or from a buffet?

• Will there be a big game that guests will want to watch? How does that affect the timing of dinner and where your guests sit?

• Will you need to set up a separate bar?

• Where will guests be for the cocktail hour? For dessert?

• Will the weather be nice enough for guests to be outside?

Thinking about these things in advance will ensure that people are where they will have the most fun, while also keeping areas that you need to use clear.



The week of your party:

MONDAY

Shop for all non-perishables and the bar.

TUESDAY – WEDNESDAY

Complete household items, knowing that if you have young children, there is only so much you can do in advance. A walkabout of the house and yard is a good idea. What needs to be fluffed, dusted, vacuumed, polished, clipped, or cleared away? Clutter should go, or at least take a short vacation to a distant closet. I can walk by and ignore a stack of catalogs for weeks, but if we are having guests for dinner, I will finally get rid of them. I love the feeling I get when I have tidied things up a bit. That said, while cleaning and fluffing are important, Veranda will not be featuring your home or your dinner party in their next issue. Your guests are MUCH more interested in each other than they are in whether your upholstery is a little worn or your chair leg is chewed up by the new puppy.

Several years ago, we were invited to a friend’s home for a church function. I noticed there was a flat of pansies that had not been planted and was left in full view on our host’s porch. For me, this was lovelier than if they had been in the ground. It told me that this person was not obsessed with everything being perfect. I immediately felt more relaxed in their home.


WEDNESDAY – THURSDAY

• Shop for perishables.

• Shop for flowers, cut stems, put in water and, if possible, keep in a cool place.

• Begin prepping and preparing dinner items.

One of the things I do that brings great ease to cooking and entertaining is to wash vegetables and fruits right when I unpack the groceries. I wash lettuce, herbs, and celery and let them drain and dry on the counter before I put them in the fridge. I rinse tomatoes, lemons, and limes and let them drain and dry. This only takes a few extra minutes and yet makes cooking so much easier. Everything is ready to go!

POWDER ROOM

This is an important room for your guests – be mindful of the details and make it a place where you let them know you made the extra effort for them.

Linen hand towels & paper hand towels – I like to use both. The linen are so pretty and are just my personal preference, but I also appreciate that many prefer using the paper. If you do use the linen, make sure they are clean and crisp.

Pretty soaps – It’s okay to stick the plastic container of Softsoap in the cabinet for one night!

A candle – If your powder room is not too close to the kitchen or the dining area, a scented candle is fine. Otherwise, use non-scented.

Flowers – This is a great area for a more scented flower, such as a lily or roses.

Extra rolls of tissue

Facial tissue

Empty the trash.

Dim the lights.

If your powder room doubles as a bath used by your family, remove all personal items: used bath towels, robes, personal toiletries, kids’ furniture. Close the shower curtain and make sure that area and your cabinets are tidy – your guests may sneak a peek!

If the door doesn’t lock, consider a small “occupied” sign for guests to hang on the door.



FRIDAY

• Arrange flowers.

• Set the table and buffet (Post-its on each serving dish).

• Set the bar.

• Continue prepping and preparing any dishes that can be made in advance.


SATURDAY

The Honey-Do List! If you have a honey who will do, give him (or her!) a list at the beginning of the day. Ed and I discovered early on in our marriage that although he was delighted to help, he does not like to feel “nagged.” Who does? So when we’re having guests, I make a short list of things he can do to help, and he takes care of those items as he would like.

When entertaining, we often ask the children to help us, and I’m so glad we do. Our children have learned to entertain by immersion just as we did. Early on, Elizabeth and Carolyn started making desserts for our dinner parties. Elizabeth’s first specialty was bread pudding. They both like helping with hors d’oeuvres and sides. Carolyn loves to transform a table for a special occasion. Eddie is superb on the grill and knows how to make a martini and tend bar. All of them host their own parties, too, and I love when they call for a recipe. A tradition we have recently passed along to our children is the Dalrymple family eggnog recipe. It’s made from scratch and involves several steps, including separating the eggs, whipping the egg whites, and overpouring the whiskey. Not only do Uncle Chris and Ed get plenty of help now with the eggnog, a tradition is being passed to the next generation. So, ask your kids or your friends’ kids to help. This is how they’ll learn. It truly is the gift you give them that keeps giving!



Complete meal preparation – I like to do this early in the day if possible.

Time your evening and write the schedule on a card:

By 4:00 – Clear clutter & fluff (CC&F)

This is a favorite thing for me. Having company inspires me to get things ship-shape. I like to do as much of this as I can earlier in the week, but another walkabout on the day of is a good idea.

A friend, Lee Hayden, says she walks around the areas her guests will be in and collects all the clutter onto the tray and then puts the tray in the laundry room. I think this is a good system for things that you ordinarily like to have out, but maybe not when guests are coming. These items may include prescriptions that need to be refilled, the vitamins next to the coffee pot, the protein powder for the smoothies, etc. Clearing the counters in our kitchen creates a pleasing place for our guests to be and also makes it easier to prepare, serve, and clear.

I like to do a walkabout first thing in the day if possible so that I don’t find any surprises late in the day. We have three twenty-somethings and if they are home for the holidays – a time when we might be entertaining – there is no telling what I might find! As much as I love my son, Eddie is a college boy whose friends are in and out all the time. Need I say more?

By 4:30 • Kitchen cleaned, sink cleared, dishwasher empty• Vacuum any sofas and chairs your pet likes.• Check the powder room.• Turn on all the lights: lamps, chandeliers, outdoor.

Overheads off or dimmed.

5:00 – 6:00 • Hosts get dressed.


6:00 • Hors d’oeuvres out• Light candles• Music on

7:00 – Guests arrive

A good basic rule of thumb is that cocktails should last about an hour before dinner is served. If I’ve invited guests for a party that starts at 7:00, I know my guests will arrive between 7:00 and 7:15. I usually plan to serve dinner at 8:15 – 8:30.

7:00 – 8:00 – Cocktails


7:45 – 8:00 • Open wines, light table candles, pour water,

heat dinner plates • Complete meal preparations• Prepare buffet

8:00 – 9:30 Dinner

9:20 Prepare to serve dessert, clear plates

9:30 Serve dessert

NOTE: I used to serve coffee, but it seems that our guests just prefer a little more wine, sometimes an after-dinner drink. If your guests like coffee, have it ready to go before dinner and simply turn it on to brew while you clear the dinner plates.


Time and write your menu

Depending on what you’re serving, there may be dishes that need to be heated, grilled, warmed, etc. To take the stress out of this process, write it out. I usually use a lined sticky note, and I also use the timer on the stove and/or the timer on my smartphone (idea kudos to Cornelia Hoover) to remind me of when things need to be done. Once our guests arrive, I want to enjoy the party. By setting a timer and having a list, I don’t have to worry about remembering what needs to be done. When the timer rings, I check my list, do that step, and then go back to enjoy my guests!

Once, when having family for dinner, I made mashed potatoes knowing it was one of my nephew’s favorites. Guess what I found in the oven the next morning – cold mashed potatoes that I had forgotten to serve! Chances are if I had been working off a list, my nephew would have been thrilled to eat the mashed potatoes I’d made just for him!

Bring on the buffet

Remember, your guests have a plate in their hand. If possible, only use one serving utensil for each item on your buffet, even the salad. Salad tongs are so much easier on a buffet. If you serve a dish that requires more than one serving utensil, make a place for your guests to lay their plates.

If napkins and silverware are on the buffet, put those at the end. If guests are bringing a glass of wine to the table, suggest they put it at their place before going through the buffet or have room for them to set this down along the way.



Which way to serve?

Serve from the left, clear from the right. When passing at the table, pass to the right. This way you can hold the serving dish or the bread bowl to help the guest next to you serve him or herself.

While at the table . . .

Refresh water and wine. After filling the water glasses, fill a pitcher to keep near the table during dinner. You’ll also want to have one or more bottles of wine open and ready to pour during dinner. For more casual dinners, I keep carafes of water on the table. See Sources & Resources. Since I’m terrible at remembering to refresh water, this helps me a lot. Thankfully, friends like Peggy Bridgforth are great about picking up my slack with pouring water and wine!

• Serve or invite your guests to have seconds. I always tell my guests that it makes me feel so good when they go back for seconds!

• Make sure that everyone at the table is engaged in the conversation.

• Expect the unexpected. Go with the flow – the guest is always right!

Dessert is served!

Clear the table – it’s okay to have ONE helper. That same helper can assist you with serving dessert.


Clean up, but not too much until the guests leave

My general rule of thumb is that cleanup should wait until our guests have left, unless I have someone to help in the kitchen. My friends know it’s my “No Running Water Rule”! Usually after our guests leave, I do whatever must be done that night and leave the rest until the next day, or sometimes even the next day. Don’t judge.

If I can do so easily and quickly, while guests are still in the dining room before dessert is served, I will sometimes put plates in the dishwasher. Another great idea is to have plastic crates where everything can be stacked and put aside (maybe in a nearby laundry room) until your guests leave. A friend gave me some collapsible crates that are perfect for this.



“How can I help?”

Often your guests want to help. You may want an extra pair of hands for last-minute details in serving dinner, such as lighting candles, filling water glasses, or opening more wine for the table. You may also want a little help with clearing plates and serving dessert. My advice is to choose one or two people, insisting that others continue to relax.

Barrett Ranson tells of a family friend who always had a “job jar” for her parties. As guests arrived, they pulled out their job for the night: fill the water glasses, clear the table, light the candles, help with dessert. I think this idea is so clever that I can’t wait to try it!

“Serving others is not a chore or an imposition, but

a sacred privilege. When this is learned at a young age, it carries throughout

our entire lives.”

– THE RT. REV. HENRY NUTT PARSLEY, JR.

In Order to Serve




STEP TEN

Enjoy!

It’s only fun if everyone’s having fun, and that includes the hosts!

One of the reasons we like to entertain is because it gives us a chance to be with our friends. We always have a good time! We have planned for the evening so that we can take part in the cocktail hour with everyone and so that serving dinner can be done easily and yes, effortlessly! We look forward to the conversation and want to be at the table with everyone, not running back and forth to the kitchen. We want our guests to linger and not to leave because we’re scouring the pots and pans and loading the dishwasher. And no matter how well we’ve planned, we know to expect the unexpected. It may be an unexpected guest, the unexpected spill, the unexpected “I forgot to turn on the oven for the dessert” moment. Whatever it is, we’ve learned to roll with it and not let these surprises spoil our evening. If we’re not bothered, no one else will be, either. In fact, the way we embrace the unexpected can create warmth and a greater sense of comfort for all.

Most of all, we want our guests to leave feeling as though they have felt welcome in our home and have enjoyed being with friends. We want to give our guests the gift of hospitality.

10“When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.”

– TECUMSEH

106 En joY!

A few minutes before your guests arrive . . .

Invite yourself to the party an hour before it starts, so you’re sure to be ready! Time your day so that you’re ready at least 15–30 minutes before your guests arrive. Sit down, have something cold to drink. Appreciate this warm and welcoming setting you’ve created. Smile!

Pray, reflect, breathe!

This is a wonderful time to pray that God will give you the spirit of hospitality, to make sure your focus is on your guests and not yourself, to be sensitive to their needs, and to be aware. It’s a wonderful time to pray for your guests, and to ask God to bless them. Remember Step One. This is not a performance. It is a gift of friendship!


107EFFORTLESS ENTERTAINING En joY!

When your guests arrive

A WARM HELLO

As our guests approach the front door, this is our first opportunity to say welcome. We are letting our guests know that we are expecting them, and their arrival is special to us. Thank them for coming, and tell them how excited you are to have them. Take their coats and purses, and let them know where to find them. If they don’t know other guests, make sure you introduce them to others and make a connection for them. “It’s all about them!” and we want to do everything we can to help them feel comfortable.

THE WELCOME DRINK

For special occasions or festive evenings, we have talked about serving a welcome drink in Step Five. Have these on a tray ready to serve. A welcome drink says, “You are special!”

108 En joY!


Get the party going

Given your excellent planning, the cocktail hour is a great time to enjoy your guests! Be sure your guests have drinks, that they’ve met, and that you’ve given them enough information about each other to spark conversation. Remember, the last thing they want to see during this time is you chopping celery or sautéing onions. Your guests will have fun if you are having fun, too!


A few more details

Prior to dinner being served, take care of those last-minute details on your well-timed schedule. Break away from your guests a few minutes before dinner is to be served and take care of those things. Given your excellent planning, there should not be much for you to do!

Dinner is served!

Welcome your guests to the table or to the buffet. Create comfort by giving instructions – choose someone to start the buffet. Consider whether you’ll say a blessing before everyone is served, or once everyone is seated, and let your guests know. Guide your guests to their seats unless you have place cards at the table. Remember, your guests are not clairvoyant – they cannot read your mind, and they want to do the “right thing.” Help them know what that is.

110 En joY!


The blessing reminds us of what’s important

For many of us, blessing our meals together is as natural as drinking water. It’s a part of life that we don’t think twice about, and so it should be, even when we have guests. If your family gives thanks before your meals, welcome your guests into this practice. Part of welcoming our guests into our homes is welcoming them into our lives and all that means. Our friends feel like family when we share our traditions and our life rhythms. It’s a gift from our hearts to theirs. If a blessing is a part of every meal, share this with others and trust that all gathered at that table will be blessed!


At the table, skip the don’ts and focus on the dos:

• Do offer more water, wine, and second servings.

• Do make sure everyone is finished eating before clearing the table.

• Do serve from the left and clear from the right.

• Do pass to the right.

• Do clear the buffet and remove bread and condiments from the table before serving dessert.

• Do let a guest help with clearing and serving dessert.

Mess-ups and sticky situations

No matter how well we plan, something usually happens that is not according to the plan! Once, when hosting a Christmas party for the management group with Ed’s firm, our kitchen sink backed up an hour before everyone was to arrive. There I was in my bathrobe, with my hair in a towel, carrying pots of water to the backyard to keep the sinks from overflowing onto the kitchen floor. Once the immediate crisis was averted and the plumbers were called, we got dressed and waited for our guests and plumbers to arrive. They all got to our house about the same time! Merry Christmas, everyone! When it gets real like this, a great sense of humor goes a long way.

112 En joY!


Your guest did what?

The guest is always right! Every now and then a guest will simply do something that creates in our house what we call “a moment.” This is when we need to take a deep breath, bring forth a renewed effort and energy, then manage the moment. The moment could be awkward, stressful, or uncomfortable for your guest and for you. It could be a spilled drink, an overserved guest, an off-color story. Our commitment to defusing the moment will add to everyone’s ease, including our own. In our house, we call this “taking the high road.” We do whatever it takes, remembering that this is our guest.

Spills and solutions

Has someone just spilled a glass of red wine on your white sofa (and yes, I have done this!), knocked over a glass of red wine on the person sitting next to them (yep, that too!)? Help your guest feel that all will be okay and then set about making it so. Spills can be more easily managed if you’re prepared. Be sure to always have Carbona, club soda, and absorbent white cloths on hand. Know how to treat spills so that you can make the best out of a very messy situation.

“In my house a guest can do no wrong.”

– LT. GENERAL “BUFFALO BILL” QUINN


Awkward silences and tense topics

At the table, be aware that everyone is included in the conversation. If I see someone who’s not engaged, I’ll find a way to bring that person in. I want everyone at our table to feel included. I may say something like, “We were just talking about . . .” to bring them into the conversation. If a conversation is going south or getting a little tense – political and religious topics can sometimes do that – I try to steer everyone in a new direction. I may even say something about how fun and exciting it is for everyone to have different opinions. We’ll enjoy our party when we know that everyone else is, too!

Uninvited guests?

Although unlikely, you may at some point find yourself with an unexpected guest. Welcome your guest warmly, let that person know how excited you are to have him or her, offer them a drink, and set another place at the table. If you’re worried about food, this is a good time to invoke the “family holdback.” Family members know to take smaller portions.

“My parents were brilliant hosts . . . their primary concern was

for their guests. They wanted everyone to have a good time, to

have fun. They wanted people to feel welcome and happy.” – SALLY QUINN, The Party

114 En joY!


Thank you for coming!

When the party is winding down, it’s your last opportunity to let your guests know how much you loved having them. Walk them to the door and, if it’s been a special occasion, consider surprising them with a little something to take with them.

Small gifts or party favors are not expensive, but are simply tokens of remembrance and appreciation. They are the cherries on top of your wonderful evening!

Recently we attended a fabulous seventieth birthday dinner for one of our closest friends. As guests left, they were given a small glass heart with a card that said, “Thanks for the memories!” A sweet thought and a lovely way to say thank you to guests.

116 En joY!


IT’S A WRAP!

Relax and reflect

The guests are gone, the dishes are stacked in a dirty heap for later, or maybe the dishwasher is humming away. Let out a deep breath and kick off your shoes, if you haven’t already. You did it! You opened your home and your heart to the gifts of hospitality and friendship, and I bet you had fun doing it!

This would be a great time to jot down some notes in a journal, or even slip a note into the back of this binder for later. Record some highlights, comments you heard, funny or interesting conversations you might want to follow up on later. Make notes on the menu if there were things that worked well or that you’d do differently. Were there some things that you were worried about that turned out to be no big deal? Were there some pleasant surprises? Keeping informal notes on how a particular party went, and how you felt about things afterward, will help you the next time you consider entertaining.

Or, by all means, skip the journaling. Go ahead and blow out the candles (don’t forget the powder room and outside spaces), and turn off the kitchen lights. Notice how full your heart is. Be grateful for this time. Be grateful for your family and friends and the blessings you bestow upon one another. After all, these are life’s greatest gifts – they always have been, and they always will be.

Thank you for putting your trust in me and joining me for what I hope will be a fun Effortless Entertaining adventure!

118 En joY!

“Food matters. Meals matter. Meals are full

of significance. Few acts are more expressive of

companionship than the shared meal. . . . Someone

with whom we share food is likely to be our friend,

or well on the way to becoming one.”

– TIM CHESTERA Meal with Jesus

Documents

DeeDee Dalrymple - Effortless Entertaining