Dear Dr. Romance: It's as if something turned out bad

Dear Dr. Romance:

I have a friend who's asking for an advice and accidentally, I saw in the Internet your advices to some heart problems. So I told myself to try ask help from you also. This lady friend of mine is well, kind of in love with a man who's also in love with her. However,a friend of us also is I think falling in love with the same man. So, my lady friend does not know what to do. Is it just right for her to tell to the man she is in love with him even if doing so will hurt our other friend? Because the advice that I had given to her is to better tell what she feels.

And also, Jane does not know if the man still loves her because recently, he acts somewhat different. It's as if something turned out bad. I hope you can give some advice.

Dear Reader:

What are the facts? If this guy is dating both women, then he's just having a good time, and not thinking about commitment. If he's not dating either, then this is all just fantasy. Both ladies should stick with reality, and not get too far into their hopes about this guy. The big question is, has he asked either or both of them out on a date? If he has dated your friend, it is probably too soon to tell him what she feels; but ask him what he wants to do about their friendship. If he hasn't dated her, she should take the lead and ask him out to coffee or lunch, to let him know she's interested. Whatever she does, she shouldn't make a dramatic declaration of feelings unless he does. That will just spook him, and send him away.

"Guidelines for Successful Dating" and "Stop Reacting and Start Relating" will help your friend see relationships differently.

Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences contains exercises and information about healthy relationships.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the Dr. Romance blog, and the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter. Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, shes known as Dr. Romance Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as Oprah, Larry King Live and ABC News.