Deafula.pdf

8/7/2019 Deafula.pdf

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Deafulahttp://pediapress.com/books/show/deafula-a-film-for-deaf-peoplemade-by-dum/

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Book size: approx. 177 pagesCurrency: EUR () GBP () USD (US$)

Price: US$ 11.08*

Contents:

The Cast of Characters:PeterWechsberg asDeafula/SteveAdams Deafula/Steve Adams (Peter Wechsberg). The strangest vampire of all

time. Doesn't mind sunlight, keeps a crucifix, and most likely snacks onraw cloves of garlic. And as the name suggests, he's deaf, andcommunicates entirely through sign language, just like everyone else inthis movie. No, I'm not kidding.

The Preacher(James D. Randall). Steve/Deafula's Dad, who periodicallydonates blood to help his vampire son. (Long story.) Not too much else tosay about him, except he seems like an all-around nice guy. But really,what did you expect from a Preacher?

The Detective (Lee Darrel). The world's most inept detective. Struggling tocatch a serial murderer who drains his victims' blood, even though themurderer is his close friend Steve. Whom he grew up with. In this film, heraises "passing the buck" to an art form.

Inspector Butterfield (Dudley Hemstreet). The world's second most ineptdetective. He misses out on the top spot primarily by catching the vampire

killer, even though this seems to happen mostly by accident. This movie'sdreaded comic relief character.


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Cindy Whitney &NormaTuccinardi asYoung Amy/OldAmy Young Amy/Old Amy (Cindy Whitney & Norma Tuccinardi). A friend of

Deafula's dearly departed mom, who imparts all sorts of secrets to Deafulathat don't even come close to making any sense. Has a bizarre servant

who lost hisno, wait. I can't spoil it here.

Before launching into a recap, I usually like to give readers some preparation for whatthey're about to read. A little background information on the movie, the historicalperspective about the times in which it was made, a general overview of the production, etc.But in this case, I'm half-tempted to just chuck the whole intro. In some ways, all you reallyneed to know about this movie is that it's called Deafula, it's about a deaf vampire, it'sperformed entirely in sign language, and yes, it really exists.This might be the weirdest film I've ever seen, right up there with Blood Freakand thatwas a film about a guy who does too much heroin and turns into a turkey monster, and thenis healed through the power of prayer. (Strangely, Deafula has the same pro-religion, anti-drug message amid all the blood and gore and nuttiness.) It's certainly in my Top Five, asfar as weirdness goes. So David Lynch, if you're reading this: watch Deafula and weep.Well, everybody watching this movie will weep, but that's beside the point.Deafula is the brainchild of writer, director, and lead actor Peter Wechsberg (who'ssometimes credited as "Peter Wolf", not to be confused with the lead singer of the J. GeilsBand). At the time, Wechsberg was a videographer and actor who had recently toured withthe National Theatre of the Deaf, and had produced a San Francisco newscast for the deafand hard of hearing. In 1974, Wechsberg decided to break out into filmmaking, and sobegat Deafula, filmed that year in and around Portland, Oregon.I really don't want to knock the guy, because from what I've read, it sounds like he'sovercome a lot to carve out a decent career in the industry. (These days, it seems he'sspending all of his time behind the camera, at a soundstage he owns himself.) I especiallydon't want to make too much fun of the guy, because it turns out he does have an onlinepresence (which I'll talk more about later) and there's a chance he might read this recap.Certainly, there's more chance Wechsberg will read this than Michael Bay will read thethrashing this site gaveArmageddon.But even with all that in mind, there's just no getting around it: Deafula is an indescribably

demented film. As you read through this recap, you'll probably think I made up at least halfof these scenes. Trust me, I don't nearly have enough of a twisted imagination for that.Undoubtedly, the most bizarre aspect of this film is that the dialogueevery single wordisperformed in sign language. There's also a dubbed-in vocal track providing a literal (way tooliteral) translation for hearing audiences. As you might expect, this vocal track is asunintentionally hilarious as any poorly-dubbed martial arts film.And guess what? Wechsberg and Co. actually had the gall to declare this some kind ofamazing innovation, and give it its own name: "SignScope". As a gimmick to get people intomovie theaters, it ranks well below Percepto, Sensurround, Illusion-O, and just a smidgenabove Smell-O-Vision. Yeah, it's that lame. (Though, the dubbed sign language gimmicklooks a little less crazy when you take into account Wechsberg's time with the NationalTheatre of the Deaf, which employs a similar device in its stage productions.)On top of that, the direction and editing are dreadful. Every now and then, there will be aninteresting setup or camera angle, but for the most part, Deafula looks and sounds like anoverlong student film (especially considering that it's in black and white). In fact, I originally

thought it was a student film, but no. This thing actually played in theaters.Gary Holstrom, one of the producers ofDeafula, recently gave an interview about thestruggles they faced in getting deaf audiences to come see the movie. And in the interview,he claims that Deafula was meant as a "light comedy". Unfortunately, the movie is far toobizarre and off-kilter to be funny in an intentional way. (Some movie posters exist where thefilm is called Young Deafula, indicating an attempt to position it as a horror spoof in the veinof the then-recent hit Young Frankenstein. But this, too, smacks of the filmmakers trying tosell the movie as a comedy after the fact.)
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See? It's not just Deafula, it's YoungDeafula, which is at least 35% more hilarious!Holstrom also insists that deaf audiences got the jokes, but hearing audiences didn't. I'mtorn as to whether or not I really believe this. Yes, at least 50% of humor is in the timing andin the delivery. I mean, you could take some ofChris Rock's funniest material, and hand itover to Ryan Seacrest, and I doubt you would even laugh once. Perhaps this is the casewith Deafula. As someone completely unfamiliar with sign language, maybe I'm just missingout on the delivery. Maybe this stuff kills when you know ASL.All I know is, those of us who can hear are left with a strange, misshapen plot that makesabsolutely no sense. The idea of making a movie entirely in sign language is certainly notterrible. Hell, even the idea of a movie about a deaf vampire could work in the right hands,so to speak. The problem here is the script (reportedly made up as they went along), whichis unbelievably confusing, random, and nonsensical.I'm about to do something I've never done before, and apologize in advance to thefilmmakers, if any of them happen to read this. I only do this because every single frame ofthis movie screams out labor of love. I realize Deafula was made primarily to show theworld something it had never seen before: a film with a deaf protagonist. And I fullycomprehend the staggering amount of work that must have gone into producing anindependent film (especially back in 1975) and getting it booked in theaters. I'm sure it tookan incredible amount of balls, perseverance, and luck, and that's the case even for filmsdirected at hearing audiences. I can't even imagine how they sold a single person on amovie about a deaf vampire, much less, as Holstrom claims, 500 different venues.But they really, really should have poured their hearts and souls into a script that actuallymade sense. If you want to be a success at the box office, in general, you should probablymake a film that doesn't immediately convince people you are actually insane. If they wereindeed trying to make a horror spoofwhich I sincerely doubtthey missed the mark by asignificant distance. Deafula doesn't work as horror, it doesn't work as comedy, it doesn'twork as drama. It's simply one of the craziest films ever made.

Prior to the film, there's a fancy title card informing us that this film is in "SignScope". Alongwith the card comes this spoken disclaimer, delivered by a bored male voice:This motion picture was produced for deaf and hard of hearing audiences. Sign language istotally visual, with a unique grammatical structure. Its interpretation into modern Englishwould destroy much of the effect of this form of communication. With this in mind, we willprovide as literal a voice track as possible to help you follow the story.Okay, unique grammar, agreed. But why does he have to add "modern" English, as if signlanguage is a skill passed down from the ancients? And as far as providing "as literal avoice track as possible", boy, they aren't kidding about that. You'll find out for yourself soonenough.
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Wait, I never got my special glasses!The movie opens on a slow pan around the urban landscape of Portland, while a solitarypianist noodles around on his instrument. I'm suspecting the piano player is deaf, too, bythe completely out of tune notes he plays here.And I've got to stop and mention the opening credits, because they're remarkablyentertaining in and of themselves. Our star/writer/director Peter Wechsberg is listed asplaying "Deafula and Steve Adams". Wait, the vampire goes by Steve during the day?What, he couldn't make the commitment to being a Boris or a Vladimir?

The one member of the Addams Family that nobody talks about.Also in this film are characters like "Minister (Deafula's Father)", "Detective", "Assistant

Detective", "Mother of Deafula", "Young Amy", "Old Amy", "Zork (Amy's Servant)", and"Dracula". Wait, there's a Dracula as well as a Deafula in this movie? I don't know aboutyou, but I'm salivating at the prospect of what kind of insane situations we'll witness, justbased on the credits alone.

C'mon, a guy's gotta earn a living.The slow pan across the city takes us indoors, and the camera rests on a hand on a doorframe. A shaggy guy with long hair and a beard emerges from a public restroom, wiping anunknown substance from his mouth. Okay, coming out of a public restroom, and wiping hismouth. Not really a good sign. And I half expected them to cut inside the restroom andshow Senator Larry Craig in one of the stalls, but no. Instead, another guy with hippie hair ispropped up against the sink, and looking quite dead, with blood trickling down from hisneck.


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"It's my own fault for using that razor with an unprecedented fourth blade. I only blamemyself for this."So, I'm going to take a stab at this, and say that this is our title character, Deafulaorrather, his civilian identity of Steve Adamsand he just finished having some poor guy as amid-afternoon snack. Yes, it is clearly daylight outside, but let's not get tripped up on thatkind of thing just yet. There will be many, many opportunities later to marvel at how far this"vampire" deviates from folklore.Just out of curiosity, does the regular, non-deaf Dracula feast on the blood of other dudes? I

always thought the Count only went after nubile young females. This one seems slightly gayto me. Unfortunately, thanks to forum membersnicks, I learned the name "Gayracula" isalready taken.

Continue to Page 2 >>>

All About Steve Children of a Lesser God Congo (film) Dead & Breakfast Deafula

Cut to our title character, sitting out in the woods somewhere, staring into space andcontemplating who knows what. There's a wavy effect applied to the screen, much like aFamily Ties clip show, and suddenly we're watching a boy with shaggy hair playing on aswing set. Again going out on a limb, I'll say this is Young Steve/Deafula. An older manapproaches with a puppy, a little husky, and the boy just hugs the life out of the dog.Cut to the same older man, now standing behind an altar in a priest's collar, and sayingmass. And since this is a movie made by the hearing-impaired, forthe hearing-impaired, theguy delivers mass entirely in sign language. Are there really churches where the priestdelivers mass in sign language? I'm not saying it's impossible, I've just never heard of it.

"Oh, dear Lord, why did you make me look like Stan Lee?"He signs away, while a dubbed voiceover translates his sermon for us. Every now and then,there's a shot of shaggy-haired Young Steve in a pew, looking on and smiling. So, let meagain go out on a limb, and assume that the priest is Steve/Deafula's dad. This is a riskyassumption, I know, especially when the credits just told us that a guy would be playing"Minister (Deafula's Dad)", but I'm just going balls out here, and there's not a damn thingyou can do to stop me.
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The Minister, by the way, is delivering Bible quotes seemingly at random. Part of it comesfrom Psalm 143, and another part of it comes from Psalm 27. Maybe in a minute he'll starttalking about how "the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides." And throughout all ofthese flashback sequences, the tone deaf piano player continues to tickle the ivories.

Cousin Oliver Syndrome strikes again.Suddenly, we're back with the adult version of Our Hero, staring into space. Steve turns andlooks upon... hmm, there's no way to put this that makes sense. He turns around, thecamera pans over, and all we see are the feet and legs of a woman who's been strung up

with rope around her ankles. See, I told you that wouldn't make sense.Somehow, this prompts more reflection on the part of Our Hero, and there's more HappyDays-style wavy effects. Young Steve runs through the woods with his puppy. Then there'sa glimpse of Li'l Steve lying in bed, looking ill. His Minister Dad hovers over him, while adoctor's hands enter the frame, and he signs that the kid will need to be given a "pint of...blood" every month.Then there's more footage of the kid playing with his puppy. And I'd really like to describewhat happens next, but I'm afraid you won't believe me. On the other hand, I was the onewho decided to recap this movie, so it seems I have no choice.

Wow. And here I thought "man bites dog" was just a saying.So, the kid pins the dog down, and presses his face to the dog's neck, and apparently, Li'lStevie is sucking the dog's blood. Yes, you read that right. If there's any doubt of what'sgoing on, we see the kid rise up with stage blood dripping from his lips. Yes, this reallyhappens, and no, I had no idea that canine blood could satisfy a vampire. Who knew? Isure didn't.Back in the present, our Adult Shaggy Hero smokes a cigarette and looks upon the femalevictim he's strung up by her feet. She does turn out to be a nubile young woman, after all.

Whew. Deafula, there's hope for you yet. Steve/Deafula continues to casually smoke.After a moment, he hops in his convertible and drives off. Wow, so the scary menacingvampire drives a car?I guess turning into a bat and flying away is pass. And what's upwith a vampire who smokes? I mean, a vampire who knows sign language, that I canalmost buy, but when you're feeding on the blood on young women, who the hell needs anicotine fix?Dissolve to later, as two detectives arrive on the scene. And yes, they are both deafdetectives, and they're signing to each other throughout this scene. I'm again taking a riskby guessing these are the "Detective" and "Assistant Detective" called out in the credits.
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Although, considering the title of the movie, I'm surprised they weren't referred to as"Deaftectives".They talk about how this is the latest in a string of bizarre murders. In fact, this is Victim#27, and Jesus. That police department must suck big hairy balls if they can't catch a serialkiller after he's killed 27 people.Here, there's also small talk where we learn one detective is from England. Although, theguy doing his voiceover doesn't have an English accent. At first blush, that seems kind ofweird. But then again, why would the deaf actor have a British accent, really, when youthink about it? I mean, how would the guy develop an accent in the first place if he can'thear? (I think I just blew my own mind there.)So, the American Detective says they initially thought the killings were the work of a wolf,"because of the puncture marks in the neck", but after oh, about six or seven of thesedeaths, they decided otherwise. The big clue was that some of the victims were killed intheir bedrooms. And as the Detective informs us, "a wolf couldn't enter a bedroom!" Really,now? Buy windows: now 100% wolf-proof!

"Congratulations! I volunteered you to be the one who gets the body down from there!"So, I'm guessing the girl is now way up in the tree, because the American Detective asksthe "English" Detective how she got up there. There's a really horrible jump cut here (whatis this "action axis" you speak of?) and the "English" guy says, "I had an experience inEngland, similar to that girl up there!" Does he mean that he actually experienced gettingpuncture wounds in his neck, and being strung up in a tree? I'm guessing these are the firstsigns of that "unique grammar" we were warned about in the opening disclaimer. Hey, theydid put in a disclaimer, so you have no right to complain.The "English" Detective says, "But I think... a vampire pulled her up! By flying! It pulled herup!" Wow, he's actually really on top of this, after all. Most detectives wouldn't have the ballsto suggest vampire attack right off the bat, but it looks like he just nailed it.The American Detective, not missing a beat, replies, "No. A bat's small. How could the girlbe raised up? Not enough power!" Yes, that makes... perfect sense? I mean, do they get alot of vampire attacks in this town? That's the only way to explain it. I'm thinking this movietakes place in Sunnydale. That's the only way this dialogue makes any sense. And anyway,a bat couldn't have carried the girl up into the tree, because as we just saw, our "vampire"doesn't turn into a bat. He just drives to where he needs to go.In dialogue that sounds completely improvised, they decide to head back to the policestation to investigate more. The "English" Detective walks away, prompting the AmericanDetective to make bat-flapping gestures with his hands. Possibly to ridicule the English guy,but who knows?Cut to Our Hero Steve, strolling down a quiet suburban street. To continue the "Gayracula"theme, his outfit is something to behold. He has on a white turtleneck, white pants, and asuede jacket. Add his mutton chops to the mix, and it's like the white (and deaf) version of

Barry White is making a cameo here.
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"You know... this neighborhood isn't nearly sexy enough. When I think of all the times I'vemade love, and shared love, and videotaped love... it's just not enough, baby. It's neverenough."He then begins to talk to himself. And in this movie, you know what that means, right? Yep,he actually starts signing to himself. I know it happens a lot in movies, but even peopletalking aloud to themselves (to provide exposition, insight, etc.) is a pretty tough pill toswallow. The idea of somebody vigorously gesturing when there's nobody around to see itis a few steps beyond that.

In his signed monologue, Steve says, "Look at the children! What a shame!" Which is veryodd, because there are no children anywhere in the vicinity. He bemoans the state ofchildren who "live in dark cellars" and "only feel the coldness of the rain". He says, "If Icould, I'd give you a rainbow!" Wow, thanks, a rainbow just for me? Could you make it areading rainbow, by any chance?In addition to his rainbow-giving, Steve would also "string your hair with pearls!" Ewww.What? That doesn't sound like a good thing at all.He continues: "I would give you a pot of gold! And a shaft of sun! To light your world!" Doesthis guy always speak in Prince lyrics, or what? As he signs to himself, suddenly a bikerdude and a biker chick pull up next to him on a chopper. Biker Dude is pretty skuzzy, whileBiker Chick wears a big floppy hat, like they just came from killing Jeffrey MacDonald'sfamily. Something tells me they're not too interested in getting his rainbow.Our Hero sees the pair, and without giving it a second thought, he signs, "Come to churchwith me!" Oddly enough, the scummy biker couple are not interested in going to church witha total stranger. In fact, they immediately break into gales of forced laughter. Maybe theyheard him say that stuff about a "shaft of sun". I mean, he said "shaft". Huhhuhuhuhuh.Biker Dude instead asks, "Got some money?" They he repeatedly signs, "Money! Money!Money!" So either this is a mugging, or he's telling Steve what his favorite ABBA song is.

"Money! Money! I want my money back!"Our Hero resists, so Biker Dude gets rough with him, and shoves him inside of a parkedcar. Biker Chick tosses a knife over, and Biker Dude climbs in the car with Steve,brandishing the knife and continually signing, "Money! Money! Money!" Good god. I hope Inever run into a deaf homicidal mugger. I would have no idea what he's asking me for.He then repeatedly stabs Steve. "Money! Money! Money!" He continues stabbing away, andhas a good hearty laugh about it. Cut to his girl, who also seems to be getting a big kick outof it. I guess this movie takes place during that strange time in our nation's history, when
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psycho hippie bikers roamed the suburbs of America committing random murders. I believethe White Album told them to do it.But, suddenly, Biker Dude's demeanor changes. He gets serious, and is now signing,"Strange. Strange. Strange." He gets out of the car, and it appears Steve has nowcompletely transformed into a vampire.And when I say completely transformed, I mean it. He's now wearing a black cloak with alarge collar, and his hair and eyebrows and beard are now black. And on top of all this, henow has a big fake nose attached to his face. Yes, I'm serious. And no, I really have no ideawhat a giant nose has to do with being a vampire. Words cannot really express how bizarrethis is, nor can they express just how huge the Toucan Sam-sized fake nose looks on thisguy.In case you can't guess, this is Deafula, Steve's alter ego. And if his makeup isn't badenough, should I also mention it's broad daylight right now? Officially, he is the first vampireto operate at noon.

"How dare you force me into this Honda Del Sol? Don't you know how hard it is to get out ofthis thing?"Deafula emerges from the car, and the Biker Dude backs away slowly. Meanwhile, BikerChick is hippie dancing all around the bike, completely oblivious. Isn't that just like a hippiechick?Biker Dude backs away in terror, and just happens to drop some random drugparaphernalia, including a hypodermic needle. Hmm, so I guess it was just attached to hisbelt, like he's the druggie version of Batman or something. Deafula grabs the guy's arm andlifts it up, exposing the track marks inside his elbow.Deafula then forces a rope into Biker Dude's hands. He signs, "Go over there. Tie the girlon the motorcycle. Drive over the cliff to your death!" Evidently, Deafula has the samehypnotism power as the real Dracula, but why he'd want to see these two drive over a cliff iskind of a mystery to me. I mean, yes, they're both obnoxious hippie bikers, but certainlythere must be a higher standard for making people commit suicide than that.

Jamie Farr hates druggies!And so, Biker Dude follows orders, tying hisChick up to the bike. She seems rather unfazedby the whole ordeal. I hope she's stoned out ofher mind, which is the only explanation I cancome up with for how easily he ties her up. Wellthat, and the sloppy direction. The two drive off,and they pass Deafula on the way to the cliff.Biker Chick freaks out when she sees a vampire

standing on the sidewalk in broad daylight, butsorry, it's a bit too late for that.There's endless footage of the two of them onthe bike. The Chick makes very, very half-

hearted gestures of resistance, pounding Biker Dude on the shoulder, and what-not. But it'sbeyond half-hearted. I might even call it quarter-hearted or one-sixth-hearted, frankly. She'salso pulling at the ropes, and waving her hand in front of the guy's face, but nope, he is fullyunder the spell of Deafula.(Interestingly, all of this footage is completely silent. Not even Tone-Deaf Pianist is ploddingaway here. While I'm sure this was done purely by mistake, it's still interesting. As a hearing
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person, I'm so used to having music and sound effects behind a movie scene that it's jarringwhen they're not there. So it's a little bit of insight into how deaf people see films, eventhough I'm sure that wasn't the intention.)

Fonzie grew despondent over the critical reaction to his shark-jumping stunt.Instead of just speeding right off the cliff, Biker Dude actually slows down, nearly to a stop.He then proceeds to walkhis bike towards the cliff. The hell? This goes on forever, himwalking his bike toward the cliff. There's more unending footage of Biker Chick strugglingwith Biker Dude, until finally, finally, he gets the bike off the cliff, and this is dramatized via

somebody throwing the camera off the cliff.Cut to a tire track leading up to the cliff, implying that the guy actually sped up to the cliffand drove off. Yeah, right.Wow. Could it be any more obvious that there wasn't enough money in the budget toactually trash a motorcycle?

The Family Stone The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (film) In the Company of Men The Jennie Project

Cut to later, and the police have arrived on the cliff. And guess who's the detective on thescene? Come on, guess, I dare ya. Yep, it's the American Detective, and I can only assumehis English Assistant Detective is not far from the scene. In fact, there seems to be a ropetied to the rear bumper of the Detective's car, and it's stretched taut. I wonder if that meansanything.The scene opens with the Detective turned away from the camera, and zipping up hispants, with the obvious implication being that he took a leak right there on the crime scene.Wow. Perhaps he's mentally impaired, as well as hearing impaired.The Detective gets in his car, and OMGWTFBBQ. Instead of a radio, he has a little Teletypemachine in his police car! He gets on the typewriter-like keyboard and types something.Ladies and gentleman, the birth of text messaging. He nods in agreement at whatever'scoming back across the ticker. We're given no clue as to what this conversation is about,because it's not dubbed in voiceover, and the words on the ticker aren't visible.

"IDK, my BFF Jill?"He gets out of his car just in time to see his Assistant coming up over the cliff. Yes, theAssistant actually used the rope tied to the car's rear bumper to climb down the cliff. He's
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out of breath, gasping that the two people down there were killed by a vampire. TheDetective, consummate professional that is, just tells him to "let the lab boys investigatedown there! It's not yourbusiness!" Truly, the hardest working detective since the Inspectorfrom The Howling: New Moon Rising.He even adds, "It's not your business! Let the police take care of it!" Wait... I thought theseguys were the police? Why are they investigating murders if they're not the police? What, isthis a crazy hobby for them? Is Angela Lansbury going to happen along in a minute or two?And if it's none of the Assistant's business, why did the Detective let him climb all the waydown the cliff in the first place?They head over to the American Detective's big American car. There's dead silence forabout thirty seconds as the "English" Detective opens the trunk, throws the rope inside, andeven has some slapstick business trying to get it closed. Abruptly, they both simultaneouslystart arguing again about the puncture wounds on the victim's arm. So, I guess the"English" Detective thinks those needle track marks are really vampire bites. Say what?The American Detective puts an end to the debate by reminding him they have an"appointment with the preacher's son Steve in an hour at 9 o'clock!" Wow. "The preacher'sson Steve". Imagine going through life being known as that. Although, I do believe the onlyboy that could ever reach me, was the preacher's son Steve.They get in the car, with the "English" Detective continuing his role as Bumbling Comic Foilby getting part of his coat stuck in the car door as they drive away. Yep, he should besolving all 27excuse me29 murders any day now.Cut to an attractive woman (well, attractive for a movie like this one) at home. She's just

emerging from her bedroom or bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. Hmm. What could bein store for her, I wonder? Actually, I really am wondering. In a movie like this, I take nothingfor granted.We watch for an interminable period of time as she gets something to drink out of the fridge,then sits down by the fireplace with a magazine. What a great idea! Let's all sit around intowels and read the latest issue of Vampire Victim Weekly!Actually, the magazine appears to be a giant size horror comic book called Ghosts. Oh, theirony! And showing that she practices the Method, the actress proceeds to flip through thecomic from back to front. Psst, it might make more sense if you start at the beginning.Unless the person who wrote the comic also wrote this movie. In which case it doesn'tmatter which way you read it.

"Wow! Harry Blackstone, Jr.? What are you doing here?"Well, I guess her fate was easy to guess, because a certain big-nosed shadow appearsbehind her. She turns and finds none other than Deafula right there in her house. She fleesimmediately, and Deafula slowly follows. She can only press up against her window blinds,recoiling in terror at the size of his huge schnozz. Deafula closes in, and...Cut to a pool table, and a hippie guy is doing the break. It seems we're now in some

happening nightspot. And speaking of ball-breaking, the Bumbling Comic Relief "English"Detective saunters in the front door.A hairy guy leans over the pool table to take a shot, and ends up jabbing the "English"Detective right in the gut. Clearly pissed, he signs at the hairy guy, "You know better! Becareful, I'm a detective!" What? That was like an explosion of phrases barely connected toone another. What is he implying, that it's perfectly fine (and maybe even warranted) forordinary civilians to take a pool cue in the solar plexus every now and then? And anyway,as we learned a moment ago, the guy is not even with the police, so why should Hairy Guycare?
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But what immediately struck me as odd is that the Detective has never met or laid eyes onthe Pool Playing Guys before, and yet feels perfectly comfortable in communicating withthem via sign language. You might think it's because this place is specifically called out as adeaf hangout, but that's not what's going on at all.You see, in this movie, everybody knows sign language. And I mean everybody. It's like akung fu movie where police officers and construction workers and businessmen and doctorsall know kung fu. Like the film itself, the world ofDeafula is entirely made by and for deafpeople, and we'll see a few hilarious examples of this in a minute.In fact, it's entirely possible that everyone in this "world" knows both sign language andkung fu. It's certainly not much of a stretch to go from doing one thing well with your hands,to something else entirely. I'm sincerely hoping that Wechsberg went on to create a martialarts film for the hard of hearing. The only problem is it'd be so hard to know whethersomeone is talking, or kicking ass.The "English" Detective just grumbles at the hippies and saunters off. He passes a tablewhere a young man and a young woman are conversing in sign language. And it's one ofmany conversations that makes me wonder if the whole movie was meant as a joke, buthonestly I can't figure out why it's supposed to be funny. Verbatim, here is theirconversation, as provided by the voiceover:Man: Do you want to come home with me?Woman: Where do you live?Man: Habitat Apartments. 200 a month.Woman: That must be a nice place.

Yes, that is the entirety of their conversation. I suppose if you're trying to pick up on a deafgirl, being deaf yourselfor at least knowing sign languagemust surely mean you'vecrossed a major hurdle in getting in her pants. However, I seriously can't believe telling herhow much you pay in rentis enough to get her in the sack. And keep in mind, I'm giving thismovie the benefit of the doubt and assuming $200 a month was big money at the time.Especially since he lives in a place that sounds like a zoo.

"Do you want to come home with me? I canshow you my accordian."From this blatant come on, the camera pansover to the bumbling Detective, who's found hisway into a booth. It seems he, too, is trying tomake time with a random plump woman.However, a waiter says his friend is waiting forhim, and he bumbles off. As he crosses the

restaurant, he again has an awkward encounterwith the Pool Playing Guys, which has just asmuch of a point as the last time.And now, a static shot of the entire restaurant.After a moment or two, the Deaf Pickup Couple

gets up and walks out, and along the way the girl gets a kiss on the cheek from the guy.Score! Again, I think this bit was meant to be funny, but I can't imagine who would laugh atthis, other than people closely related to the actors.The camera then pans over to the Pool Playing Guys, now seated in a booth. Theconversation they sign to each other is brain-bustingly bizarre. One guy asks the other guyabout the "dimensions" of the engine in his car. The reply is, "I think, well, 200 overheadcam!" I don't know much about cars, so I'll just assume that makes sense, even though itsounds like someone trying to come up with something "carspeak"-esque off the cuff.(Either that, or there's a strange "200" motif in this movie that I can't figure out. First the rentat Habitat Apartments, now this.)And then, folks, I'm serious about this, the other guy replies by shaking his fists up anddown, and proclaiming, "Oh! My pistons go like this!" Oh... my word. Did he really just dothat? Wow, talk about too much information. Wait, that was a euphemism, right? And then,immediately after he says this line, the camera cuts away. My god, that was deranged.


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I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on thedrum all day!And the strangest thing herewell, okay, not thestrangest thing. You'd have to go a long way totop some of the strangeness coming up lateristhat all of what we just saw was filmed in oneunbroken take. Everything from the "English"Detective getting nailed in the gut with a poolcue, to the "200 a month" conversation, to "mypistons go like this" was all shot in one take. Innormal situations, I'd sarcastically proclaim thatthe director was trying to be an auteur, but Idoubt the notion even occurred to him.Cut to the detectives, sitting at a table. The "English" Detective then proceeds to blow mymind with what he's about to say next. It starts innocently enough, with him declaring, "Don'tforget! England has the best detectives in the world!" Having lost the battle for the bestcuisine, the best weather, and the best dental health, England can at least safely lay claimto having the best detectives. Like, um, Sherlock Holmes. Except he didn't really exist. OrHercule Poirot. Actually, he's not real, either. Well, I'm sure they have some good non-fictional detectives, too.The "English" Guy says that in his line of work, he saw "many deaths with puncture marks

on their necks!" And then, and then, he just casually mentions that he can still recall his"first encounter with Dracula". Oh yes, he really says this. And I'm sure he's being totallyhonest. I imagine most people would recall their first encounter with Dracula, too.

"Here we go, the 'killing Dracula' story again."The Brit goes on to say, "When I found him, I hammered a stake in his heart! And he died!"Ah, okay then. So... you say you killedDracula? I guess that's why he recalls his firstencounter with Dracula, then. Seems like perfectly reasonable, light dinner tableconversation to be having. Not only do I enjoy parasailing, but I also killed Dracula!He thenfeels compelled to add, "Dracula is dead!" Yes! He died, and that makes him dead, becauseI deathed him until he was no longer alive!Any closing thoughts on this matter, Assistant Detective? "As I said, England has the bestdetectives in the world!" I know I was snickering at this a minute ago, but when it turns outthere are English detectives that actually kill Dracula, it's tough to argue with him. When youkill a vampire, it has a way of silencing the critics.

Jerry Maguire Johnny Belinda (1948 film) Koko: A Talking Gorilla

Man of a Thousand Faces Miracle on 34th Street (1994 film) Mockingbird Don't Sing

And hey, look who's coming into the restaurant! It's the Preacher's Son Steve! He stretchesout his arms, then clasps hands with the American Detective, and it turns out the two ofthem are old school chums. The American Detective introduces the "English" Detective,who finally gets a name here, and it's "Butterfield".Actually, he's introduced as the "police detective Butterfield from Scotland Yard. Aninspector!" So, wait, is he police or not? Hang on, so when the American Detective told
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Butterfield to "let the police take care of it", that was actually just a shitty line? What do youknow.The American Detective then introduces the Preacher's Son Steve as "my good friendSteve Adams". And in case you're not keeping up, this means that the two detectivesinvestigating all the recent murders are having dinnerwith the murderer, purely bycoincidence. I'd call this lazy plotting, but it's actually far more demented than that. A lazywriter couldn't come up with a script this crazy.Butterfield signs, "Pleased to meet you!" He does this repeatedly, until the Detective tellshim to knock it off. He explains to Steve, "He's a little odd." Even though the Detectivehimself is not much better off, since he's signed "It's good to see you again" at least fourtimes since Steve sat down. But, hey, comic relief, right? Let's laugh at the clown as hebumbles through life.The Detective asks about Steve's father. You know, the preacher? "Well," Steve says, "myfather's still a beautiful person!" Oh yeah, this is indeed the early '70s. I wonder if thePreacher can offer some beauty tips to us ugly people? Tip #1: Have a son who will giveyou a shaft of sun and string your hair with pearls.They decide to order drinks, and Steve asks the waiter for peanuts. Yep, nothing goesbetter with the blood of nubile virgins.The Detective chatters with Butterfield, explaining that he and Steve grew up together. Headds, "His father is a preacher!" Really? Is thatwhy you called him the Preacher's SonSteve? I just thought it was a very strange, "inside" nickname.Then the Detective once again signs, "So good to see you again!" Okay, Detective, so

who's "a little odd" now, huh? The answer, by the way, is "everybody involved in the makingof this fucked-up movie".Then SteveI swear to you, he really says thisgoes, "A moment ago, I ordered peanuts!"And then there's dead silence for several beats. What??What in blue hell was that about?A moment ago, I scratched my ass! Are we all caught up on the minutiae in each other'slives now?The "peanuts" comment doesn't seem to register with the Detective, who's still so veryhappy to see his friend Steve again. He says, "Remember the old days?" He explains toButterfield that in those halcyon days of yore, Steve was "bashful. It meant embarrassmentto sit down and meet a girl!" And now look at him. Breaking into girls' homes in the middle ofthe night and sucking their blood, and everything. He's come so far.Steve recalls how one time they went to a "tavern", and he sat in the corner, watching theDetective. Ooh, he's so cute. He says, "Boy, was he playing around with the women!"Really? Wow, Detective, I had no idea you were such a lothario. Steve then makeselaborate hand gestures to get across the idea of "playing around with the women", and I

have to feel sorry for those women if that really approximates what the Detective was doing.

"Oh, Lana, Lana, Lana!"

Just then, the waiter appears with the peanuts. Because a moment ago, Steve orderedthem. Did you catch that? By the way, it's really good to see him again. But it will be darksoon. There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon.Steve recalls how the Detective (whose first and last name have still not been revealed)used to impress the ladies with his "flipped cigarette" trick. The Detective is coaxed intodoing it again for "old time's sake". Now, one would imagine that the trick involves flipping acigarette into his mouth, but it's pretty hard to tell, because what actually happens is he laysthe cigarette across the back of his hand and proceeds to flip it into his lap.
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"I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being! You know how it is!"He immediately blames his flubbing of the trick on "old age". However, if the trick wereflipping a cigarette in the direction of his navel, then I'd have to say he's still got it. His actualline is, "Old age! You know how it is!" Yeah, apparently it makes you repeat the same linesof dialogue twenty times over the course of one meal.The Detective puts the cigarette in his mouth and asks Butterfield for a light. The Brit pullsout matches and struggles to light one, until the Detective kindly reminds him, "The otherend." Butterfield then turns the match around and lights it, which genuinely made me laugh,

but only at how completely deranged the whole thing is.An eternity of silence passes. Butterfield finally declares that he can do the "flippedcigarette" trick better than the Detective. Well, unless you flip the cigarette and it flies outthe window and lands three blocks away, I think that's pretty much assured. Nevertheless,he gives it a try, because this is the kind of endlessly fascinating stuff you expect to see in ahorror film.He winds up for the try (with the Detective again having to gently remind him "other end").The cigarette hits him on the lips and bounces off, which is far better than what theDetective did. And yet, the Detective still derides his cigarette-flipping abilities with asarcastic, "Perfect!" I'm slowly starting to figure out why 29 people have been killed, andthese guys still haven't cracked the case.And now, if you can believe it, some semblance of the plot resumes. The Detective says toSteve, "I understand you got my message." Which is probably why he came to meet youhere in the first place. Good to see he's quick on the uptake. The Detective declares, "Thereare several reasons I need you." Oh? Do tell?Butterfield continues to practice the cigarette flipping in the background, as well as hone hisOdious Comic Relief skills. The Detective says he wants to ask Steve about all the "vampirekillings". So, is this just his nickname for the killings, or does he, too, think a vampire isresponsible? That wouldn't really explain how much he mocks Butterfield, what with the bat-flapping gestures and everything.The Detective explains that 29 people have been killed. "Now, women and men all overtown are really boiling inside!" I think it's the free love thing that was going on the time, andnot the murders. The Detective wants to know if Steve has "any ideas" about who's behindthe killings. So, this is all just total coincidence? Really? The police just happen to becasually asking the murderer if he knows who the murderer is?And why does the Detective think that Steve has any special knowledge about the case?And do Detectives really discuss serial homicide cases with random childhood friends theyhaven't seen in years?Steve, a veritable font of good advice, says, "I like to suggest... that everyone stay in theirhouses." Problem solved! After all, we didn't just see a girl attacked in her house. And wedidn't hear the Detective just say that people were killed in their bedrooms.

Steve's serious idea is to establish a "curfew", and wow. 29 people are murdered, and thepolice need some random preacher's son to suggest the idea of a curfew?Actually, considering Steve is really Deafula, he's probably intentionally giving bad advicehere. After all, he wants women and men to stay at homethe better to prey upon them,right? But then again, I'm probably giving this script too much credit.Then comes this fast paced banter:Butterfield: But I suggest[five second pause]Detective: Save it.


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The Detective turns back to Steve and says a curfew wouldn't do any good, because of allthe people killed in their bedrooms. Steve laughs and says, "Oh, I forgot about that." I'msure you did, Mr. Bloodsucking Vampire. Totally slipped your mind, I'm sure.Dead silence ensues as Steve munches on peanuts. Which he ordered a moment ago, bythe way.Sadly, the peanut plot thread is now about to take center stage. The Detective asks, "Youstill love peanuts?" He turns to Butterfield and says, "When we were kids, he loved peanuts!Delicious!" I really think the Detective should stand on a rooftop with a megaphone, and letthe entire city of Portland know just how much his friend Steve loves peanuts. Because itreally is that important. (To be honest, I'm also hoping that Steve will soon declare that thedetectiveeither one of them, actuallyis also "delicious".)

"Good news! That gum you like is coming back in style!"Butterfield, however, can't stop being a detective. He asks, "But, why... why do you eatpeanuts with the shells on?" He adds, "Why do you eat peanuts with the shells still onthem?" Have you noticed that half of this movie consists of characters repeating their lines,with slightly different wording? I mean, half of this movie consists of characters repeatingtheir lines, only with slightly different wording.

When Butterfield is calling you a loser, you know you're beyond hope.The Detective dismisses this, saying the eating of peanut shells is just an "old habit", andthen Butterfield pulls out a notebook. It's a standard-issue police detective flip-actionnotebook, of course, and he proceeds to make a note. I sure hope it's something aboutpeanuts, and peanuts will be the key to cracking (pun intended) the case. Otherwise, this"peanut" stuff will seriously be the most pointless dialogue ever spoken (or signed) in amovie.[Note from the future: Alas, peanuts do end up factoring into the big final scene of the

movie. So I guess this is actually notthe most pointless dialogue ever. Yay?]The Detective tells Steve that Butterfield is "bothersome". Awkward silence. Then Stevesays he should be going now. What? But everybody was having such a great time! TheDetective says that if Steve comes up with any "new ideas", he should let them knowimmediately. If any of them are in the same league as the "curfew" idea, I'm sure they're allwinners.Once he's gone, the Detective chides his partner for repeatedly interrupting. Butterfieldsays, "But I can, I know that" And then that's the end of that scene. Another smoothtransition!


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Steve drives off in his convertible. Suddenly, we're watching a black guy with a huge afrorunning for his life. He's sprinting through a construction site, or a warehouse, or something.Shots of the big-nosed visage of Deafula are inserted, which would indicate he's trying toescape from the titular vampire.The guy scampers around, ducking under machinery, and trucks, and wagons, and makinga sort of embarrassing googly-eyed show of the whole thing. I'm guessing another influencehere was the recent film Blacula, and perhaps this was an attempt to court that audience,which failed miserably. Well, at least we can say this is the first horror film where the TokenBlack Guy is not the first to die. After all, Deafula has already munched on several whitepeople.

"I swear! White Chicks was all Shawn's idea! Please don't kill me!"Cut to random guys playing craps on the sidewalk. This is intercut with shots of Deafulacornering the Black Guy in a tunnel. Craps, then Black Guy and Deafula in the tunnel.Craps, then tunnel. As expected, this makes no damn sense at all. Now, I'm no expert oncraps, other than it seems to involve lots offathers who need new footwear. But to winmoney at craps, don't you actually need more than two players?Well, all is revealed when Deafula emerges near the craps players. I'm guessing he killedBlack Dude, but I can't see him anywhere in the shot. The Craps Dudes get scared andback up against a fence. There are close-ups of their faces, and one is a chubby white guy,and the other is Asian. Deafula advances on them, and wow, this sure is one progressivevampire. White chicks, white guys, black guys, Asian guys, puppies... he sure doesn't seemto have any hang-ups in any area, if you know what I mean.

"Oh, yeah. I still got it."Unfortunately, he's stopped in his tracks when a cop car pulls up at the other end of thetunnel. Deafula makes several Meaningful Gestures at the Craps Dudes. Police run towards

them, so Deafula ducks into a corner somewhere, then vanishes via the time-tested trick of"turn the camera off, move out of the frame, then turn the camera back on". Well, it's goodto see the filmmakers have at least caught up with the advances of the silent film era,anyway.The cops appear on the scene, and our two friends the Craps Guys are now brandishingknives, and making stabbing motions against something on the ground, which of course wecan't see. The cops pin them both up against the wall, and I'm just going to hazard a guessright now, because with the crappy camerawork, it's all I can do. I'm assuming Deafulahypnotized them both into stabbing the Black Guy to death. But it's all so very random. Ittakes a lot of thinking and guesswork to figure out this movie, believe me.
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"Wait, the jokes in this movie are still twitching! Stab 'em again!"You know, for a vampire, Deafula sure is vindictive. I mean, it's one thing to stalk and killpeople because you need to drink their blood. I mean, I won't judge him for that, becausewho among us hasn't walked among the children of the night and feasted on human blood?What I don't get is why he feels compelled to hypnotize people into committing suicide andmurderfirst with the Biker Couple, now with the Craps Guys. What does Deafula gainfrom this, really? It's almost like he's a vigilante, ridding the city of horrible criminals. Youknow, degenerate lowlifes like drug-addicted muggers and... people who gamble. I would

dare say Deafula is meant as a moral crusader we're supposed to root for, but of course allthe weirdness of the script makes it impossible to really get a fix there.The police are cuffing the Craps Dudes and taking them away. Just then, two detectivesappear on the scene. Guess who! They examine a body on the ground, who I presume isthe Black Guy, and they note his "neck bites". And there's victim #30, folks. Maybe aroundthe time Corpse #50 or 60 shows up with neck wounds, the Detective might give seriouscredence to the possibility that this is all the work of a vampire.

Mr. Holland's Opus Nashville (film) Needing You... Nine Lives (2005 film) Orphan (film) Out of the Past

And then, in keeping with that "shit that makes no sense" motif the film has going on, time iswasted watching a cop haul the Craps Guys into the police station. Both of them lookedzonked out of their minds. They head up the stairs, and the scene ends, and it sadly lookslike this bit was included solely as comic relief. Wow! Kids looking stoned! It's gold, Jerry!Gold!

"I'm bookin' you both on suspicion of bad acting!"Back at the crime scene, a small crowd has gathered. Emerging from a nearby vehicle isnone other than the Preacher, AKA Steve's Dad. What, does Portland, Oregon have apopulation of twenty people, or what?The Preacher signs to the Detective that the dead guy is a "a member of my church!" WhenI originally saw this film, I tried to give order to chaos (at least in my own mind) and I figuredthat Steve, for whatever reason, was picking off members of his dad's congregation. Sadly,this is not the case at all. It appears to be pure random chance that Token Black Guy was a
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Holland%27s_Opushttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nashville_%28film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Needing_You...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Lives_%282005_film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphan_%28film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out_of_the_Pasthttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out_of_the_Pasthttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphan_%28film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Lives_%282005_film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Needing_You...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nashville_%28film%29http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Holland%27s_Opus


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member of the Preacher's church. Furthermore, this fact will never become important, soyour guess is as good as mine as to why the Preacher is even in this scene.At the same time, we see Deafula himself, now transformed back into normal Steve Adams.He calmly strolls out from behind a wall. Yeah, just casually walking by the scene of thecrime, doo de doo... He sees his father is there, so he quickly ducks back behind the wall.Yeah, it might be tough to explain to dear old Dad what he's doing wandering around atnight near the scene of a murder. The Detectives, of course, would just be oblivious.Well, what all that was about, I have no idea. Cut to a news anchor sitting behind a desk,while subtitles inform us this is the "Channel 8 News". Meanwhile, the two detectives aresitting around a desk, watching this very same news anchor on TV. And Butterfield is nowsmoking a pipe, so I guess he really is British.The anchor proceeds to detail the latest information on the vampire killings. And I knowwhat you're wondering. Before you even think it, I already know the big question on yourmind. And the answer is yes. The news anchor delivers the news insign language!I keepthinking this movie has to be a joke. It has to be a failed attempt at comedy, but it is just sobizarre in every aspect of its production and execution. It's like somebody trying to tell you a

joke about one-eyed albino Eskimo miners living in the 1870s. It might be a funny joke, butyou're so busy trying to figure out why someone's telling it to you in the first place that yourmind can't even process humor.

"Our top story: What am I about to pull out of my nose?"(Okay, to be fair, director Wechsberg also helped produce a local newscast in SanFrancisco for the deaf and hard of hearing. And from what I can tell, the anchors of thatnewscast delivered the news in sign language, which is probably where he got the idea inthe first place. It's still bizarre.)The anchorman signs that police are still searching for "the murderer who quote, 'extractsblood from his victims!'" And this may be the first time I've ever seen "air quotes" used in anon-sarcastic manner.He reports that there have been "29 victims to date". (So, what, the Token Black Dudedoesn't count? Damn. Give a black man a chance! He's trying hard, man!) The anchormanactually marvels at how the police are unable to solve these crimes. Yeah, I know, huh? Itblows my mind, too. He basically says that the police are clueless, and cut to the Detectiveswatching the broadcast and looking flummoxed.Then the anchor mentions the "police inspector's assistant", and despite the fact that he'salmost certainly about to say what a hopeless fuck-up the guy is, Butterfield lunges towardthe TV and excitedly exclaims, "That's me!"An exasperated Detective makes him turn off the TV. Then they group around thestereotypical Police Detective Map, complete with little pushpins to mark the location ofeach murder. (Pushpins sold separately.)The Detective yells at Butterfield, saying that when he arrived from England, there were 18

people dead, and now there's 29. And this surprises him? The Detective yells, "You'resupposed to be the expert! Expert, bull!" I'm sure this is 100% correct, in that Butterfield laida massive line of bullshit on the Portland PD that he was this supposed "expert" onvampires. Yet, I can't sympathize with the Detective too much. I mean, god forbid he solvehis cases on his own.The two men have weird, slapsticky business that seems to come from a differentdimension. Then the Detective shoves a photo into the Inspector's hands. In a very brief,almost subliminal shot, the photo shows a murdered couple in bed. The Detective yells,"What do you see?"


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The Inspector strokes his beard (although, come to think of it, he might be saying a word,actually) and says, "Beautiful night!" Beautiful night?What? Is he serious? I have a feeling ifI handed this guy a picture of the World Trade Center collapsing, he would immediately say,"What a great day for a picnic!"Understandably, this gets the Detective so pissed off that he stares at Butterfield like hetruly believes laser beams will shoot out of his eyes and incinerate Butterfield right where hestands. He tells Butterfield to just go home. He yells that he's "fed up", and says, "When itgets to a hundred dead, then what?" When it gets to a hundred dead? No "ifs" about it,Detective? Let me just tell you, I'm so glad this guy is not on my local police force. I have afeeling the entire population of my city would dwindle down to ten people in less than amonth.Butterfield is emphatic, however. "But I know! I'm from England! The killer is Dracula!" Yes,because the

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