DDM Seminar Series

Sandra Crowe, MA, PCC

301.770.7104

www.pivpoint.com sc@pivpoint.com

Dealing with Difficult Dealing with Difficult People: Common People: Common Problems and Uncommon Problems and Uncommon SolutionsSolutions

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Objectives

Uncover awareness for your difficult triggers

Understand why people are difficult

Create practical solutions for dealing with difficult people and situations

Support one another with present challenges

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Creating Awareness

Awareness of yourself and others is 95% of the cure:

Ask yourself:Who/what triggers you? How do I act and how do I feel around the difficult person? Do you become difficult?

Ask again: How would I like to act and feel around this person? Visualize and imprint this.

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Definition of Difficult

Someone who impedes action

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Origins of Difficultness

Studies at the University of Tennessee found that anger derives from two origins: Inability to take action

(powerlessness and frustration) Presence of an “ism”(unfairness or

betrayal by the system)

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• Expression (usually inappropriate)

Anger

A Women’s Anger Research Project discovered two ways we deal:

Suppression (directed internally and dangerous)

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Three aspects of communication

Present In all Conversations:

*B________*L_____*E____

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So the question becomes —

“How do we deal with the anger and frustration ignited by our interactions with difficult people in a healthier and more productive way?”

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Principle No. 1: For Every Action… Conflicts(and the difficult people in them) are

places where the conversation(and therefore future action) gets stuck. A major reason for this is in based on Newtonian theory. For every action…

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Principle No. 2: Stronger emotions dominate

How to get yours stronger: Think differently Move differently Remember center Shake it off Go find someone you like

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Principle No. 3: What gets rewarded gets repeated Reward the behavior you want to see

repeated (Inflict pain where you don’t): Rewards are: smiling, acknowledging,

compliance, condoning behavior Infliction of Pain is: ignoring, embarrassment,

public admonishment, taking away privileges, and being told no

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Principle No. 4: Move the conversation forward Be solution-oriented

Ask “What can we do about this?” “What needs to happen next?” “How do we move the conversation forward?”

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Language of an Interaction

Use words that imply assessments or opinions unless you have data: Based on my observation… What I’ve noticed is... My perception is….

Then use questions to use to move the conversation forward:

“What’s your assessment?” ”What’s the rationale behind… “What do you need to move this forward?”

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6 Step Whole Brain Approach:

1. Neutralize

2. Watch body language

3. Listen and acknowledge

4. Move them from right to left

5. Propose solutions

6. Act

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Wrap Up: Learning and Take Away Assignment: Tonight when you go to bed

spend the last few awake moments feeling how you want to feel in a particular interaction with someone. Focus on that feeling and let your unconscious work with it to shift any habitual patterns in your physiology as you sleep. Remind yourself of this desired feeling just before your next interaction with them.