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Make Anyone Loyal PROVEN PSYCHOLOGICAL STRATEGIES TO MAKE PEOPLE GO WITH YOU … AND STAY WITH YOU
by DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, Ph.D.
GENERAL SUMMARY OF TECHNIQUES
• Learn the best psychological strategy to help keep any employee or customer from
ever leaving you.
• Get anyone—friends, co-worker, client—to instantly see you as a person of honesty
and integrity.
• Discover the five most powerful ways to get anyone to instantly like you and trust
you.
• Arm yourself with the sure-fire technique to get anyone to stick by you in the most
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
2
difficult times…even when you’ve messed up.
• Deposit a “loyalty credit” into a person’s mind that you can use the next time he or
she may be thinking of abandoning you.
• If you think that someone may be sabotaging your efforts, when she appears to be
cooperating, use these advanced techniques to find out whose side anyone is on, and
fast.
• Find out in less than five minutes who in your company is not loyal…and is perhaps
even meeting with the competition.
• You already know the damage caused by internal theft. What you need is the same
casual interviewing techniques that the FBI uses to find out if an employee, client, or
vendor is lying or stealing.
INTRODUCTION
Loyalty[n.] the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of
action
What is it that makes someone stick by you, even in the darkest hour, while others run for
the hills at the slightest hint that something has gone wrong?
Research shows that an unwavering sense of loyalty can, in fact, be instilled in anyone by
applying a basic psychological strategy. Whether it’s a friend, employee, or spouse, you can
make anyone more loyal to you, your company, or your cause, faster and more easily than you
ever thought possible.
Of course you know the traditional, sound advice, such as using rewards, praising,
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
3
showing gratitude and appreciation, and the like. These are practical and effective ideas, but with
the following techniques you’re going to be able to bring to an entirely new level your ability to
create iron-clad loyalty very quickly. In this book, are the components, the building blocks of
loyalty used to create an unshakable allegiance.
This book contains specific, carefully formulated psychological tactics that can be
applied to any situation, with any person. These are not just ideas or theories or tricks that work
only sometimes and only on some people. This book offers readers the opportunity to use the
most important psychological tools governing human behavior, not just to level the playing field
but to create an automatic advantage.
Readers get techniques that work, written in the casual, to-the-point, no-fluff, no-
psychobabble style that has made David Lieberman’s books so popular. They get the information
first hand, because it’s Dr. Lieberman’s techniques that the FBI uses; and he’s the one who
personally trains the United States military; he’s the one who teaches psychological tactics to
leading state negotiators; he’s the one who works with mental health professionals; and he’s the
one who works with leading business executives around the world.
There are plenty of business books that offer “laws” and “principles” and strategies and
stories. Now here’s one that gives specific solutions to real problems.
From small business to big business to the professionals in between, the benefits are
crystal clear. Readers will have the security of knowing what’s really going on at all times, the
power to keep potentially devastating situations from ever unfolding, and when necessary, the
ability to navigate the toughest circumstances quickly and smoothly.
Don’t be in the dark a minute longer when find out who is out for you, and who is out to
get you. Even better, turn your enemies into your most loyal allies.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
4
TECHNIQUE # 1
BRING HIM IN ON THE INSIDE
A person’s loyalty is determined by which side of the fence he thinks he’s on. If you
bring him to your side and make him part of your team, he will fight your battles with you and
against the “other guys.” To turn an outsider into an insider, you need to do two things. One is to
give him information that few people have, so he feels special. The other is to give him some
degree of power or authority within the organization or team.
Example I: A sales manager has a salesperson whose loyalty is questionable.
During a relaxed, private conversation, the manager might say something such as this:
“Chris, I want you to know that there are going to be some changes around here. The most
important one is that we’re close to acquiring the XYZ account. Now this is not public yet, so I
need to count on your discretion.” Once Chris agrees readily, the manager then asks him to take
the reigns of an aspect of the plan: “And we think you’d be a key person on the team to figure out
how we can best service them.”
You will be amazed at how quickly this technique helps to build allegiance to you. Now
he’s a big-shot on the inside, with a little bit of power. He’s not going to turn on you anytime
soon.
Example II: You want to make sure that your key client stays with you.
Realize that you can actually put your customers to work for you and thereby ensure their
continued loyalty by making them part of the team. Keep a client for life by saying something
such as, “We’re restructuring our customer service department. We would love you to evaluate
how your inquires are being handled. Based in part on your feedback, we’ll be able to assess
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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how effective the changes have been.” The client will not only appreciate your valuing his input
and feedback, but he will soon feel personally vested and “connected: to your company.
TECHNIQUE # 2
A PART OF GREATNESS
Studies show that the moods of sports fans are greatly affected by the teams they support
and follow. When their ball teams win, they feel great. When they lose, they feel bad. More than
that, how people identify with their teams or not is fascinating. When their teams win, they say,
“We won!” but when they lose, it’s often, “They lost!” They give up their identification with the
team when things are not going smoothly.
We all want to be part of something great, to be with someone great, and to attach
ourselves to a winner. To inspire loyalty, let others see the greatness within you, or what it is that
you want them to believe in.
The twin components of loyalty are honesty and integrity. The fastest way to lose
someone’s loyalty is to be perceived as dishonest or untrustworthy. Even if the person does not
like the latest news, your truthfulness about it speaks volumes, communicating an important
message: that you can be trusted. Regardless of anything else, people will take their chances
with someone who is trustworthy before they will with someone who tells them what they want
to hear or who tries to cover up.
A Good Old Southern Lawyer
Famed trial attorney Jerry Spence once defended a man whose crime
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had been splashed across every newspaper in town. Almost everyone had
already formed the conclusion that he was guilty even before the trial
began. During jury selection most prospective jurors said that they knew of
the case but could be fair and not prejudge Spence’s client’s guilt. Given the
skewed media attention, this seasoned attorney concluded that they were all
lying. He told his client that he’d rather take his chances with those few
who said that they believed the client was guilty and could not be fair.
Why? Because at least they were honest. He had something to work with-
people of integrity. By the way, his client was found innocent and was
acquitted of all charges.
You can develop trust and loyalty as someone who does what is right, even when an
easier course of action is apparent and readily available.
Example I: You want your friends and coworkers to be more loyal to you.
Always be honest in your dealings, and never sacrifice the truth. This illuminates fine
character like a beacon in a fog of phonies. Your integrity can illustrate itself in a variety of
ways. For instance, if you are playing a game with friends or office mates, and an argument
ensues over who is right, take a position that is unfavorable to you. For instance, let’s say you’re
playing a trivia game, and an argument ensues over whether the answer given by the other team
is close enough to be deemed correct. If you believe it is, then voice your support for the other
team. Long after the game is forgotten, you will be known as the person who took the high road,
even though it was not in your best interest. People will seek you out and want to be a part of
what you do.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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Example II: You want to make a client of your law firm feel more loyal to you than to
others.
If your client wants to do something that is not really in his best interest but that is
advantageous to you-e.g. in terms of commissions or billable hours-and you explain to him how
and why it is not in his best interest (and perhaps suggest a less costly route), you will have
gained a client for life.
How much greater loyalty will you feel for a mechanic or a dentist, for example, who
reveals that certain work is unnecessary, even when you would never have known that on your
own? When you take an action that is not in your favor but is the right thing to do, you will
greatly increase others’ feelings of loyalty to you. You must always act with integrity. A
principled person stands alone in the ability to captivate unwavering loyalty.
Note: Since we are speaking of integrity, be sure that your position, although unfavorable
to you, is genuine and that you actually believe what you are saying to be true! We are not
speaking of manufacturing circumstances so that you can appear a certain way. When such
situations arise naturally, you can simply be aware so that you will maximize your ability to gain
loyalty.
TECHNIQUE # 3
LITTLE BY LITTLE
Human beings have a strong need for consistency in their actions. Several studies in this
area illustrate clearly how effective this psychological factor can be when applied to instilling
loyalty. They show us that when someone is presented with a small request and subsequently
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complies, he is infinitely more likely to agree to a larger request the thing that we wanted him to
do in the first place. However, if he is not first presented with and does not subsequently
complete the smaller request, then he has no subconscious motivation of consistency.
Research in Action
Called the foot-in-the-door technique, the following study
demonstrates the tendency of people who have first agreed to a small
request to comply later with a larger request. Freedman and Fraser (1966)
asked a number of homeowners to let them place a huge DRIVE
CAREFULLY sign in their front yards. Only seventeen percent gave
permission. Another group of residents, however, was first approached with
a smaller request. They were asked to put up a three-inch BE A SAFE
DRIVER window sign. Nearly all agreed immediately. When approached a
few weeks later, these homeowners were asked to place the gigantic signs
on their front lawns. This group agreed overwhelmingly-76 percent
consented to putting the unsightly larger sign in their front yards.
When we take a small step in one direction, we are driven to maintain a sense of
consistency and will agree to greater requests in that same direction. Simply, those who agreed to
the smaller request (the window sign) reshaped their self-concepts to include the definition that
they were people who supported the idea. Therefore, agreeing to the larger request was just
doing something more for a cause that they already “believed in.”
Example I: You want an employee to be more loyal to you and your company.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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To keep an employee for life, ask him to help you with a project, but offer no additional
compensation. This creates internal momentum whereby he is unconsciously forced to believe
more deeply in the company’s cause. Even if he is helping you out with an ulterior motivation in
mind, his commitment to the company is still enhanced.
Example II: You want a customer to be more loyal to you and your company.
Invite him to the company picnic, have him speak with and get to know your employees;
ask him for references and referrals and suggestions on how you can improve your business
relationship.
These little steps build internal momentum and are very effective to establish loyalty in
anyone. Clearly he must care about your company because he has invested himself in it. In order
to leave you, he would need to justify to himself why he put so much time and energy into
making the relationship work. This necessity forces him subconsciously to come up with reasons
for staying with you, even when more favorable conditions might be found elsewhere.
When people have no emotional, financial, or material investment in an enterprise,
they’re quicker to jump ship. Get someone involved as part of a team or cause, little by little
when things are going well, and you will find that he will stand by you in more difficult times
down the road. The bottom line is this: The more of himself he invests in an idea, the more he
will come to feel allegiance to it.
TECHNIQUE # 4
THE POWER OF HUMILITY
We are driven to follow and believe in a person whose pursuit is not seen as an exercise
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in self-promotion. President John F. Kennedy’s approval ratings went to record highs after the
Bay of Pigs fiasco, and this is believed to be because it showed that he was human, fallible, and
humble. He made a mistake and took full responsibility for it. Loyalty is not gained by being
right, but rather by doing what is right.
No one wants to listen to or follow someone who is egotistical. It’s impossible be close to
someone who is full of himself. If you are full of yourself, there will be no room for anyone else.
While you may get people to pay attention to you when they must or when it suits them, when
the going gets rough, they’ll get going.
Example: Five Powerful Ways to Demonstrate Humility
1. Doing a job that some might consider beneath you shows to the world that you are a
person ofthe people and that you are willing to do what it takes, including making
personal sacrifices, for the larger cause. The CEO who picks up garbage on the factory
floor inspires workers to do the same and more. When you check personally on the status
of a delivery or drop in at a customer’s place of business to check on the work being done
or to deliver something that you could have sent by messenger, you will be gaining a
customer for life.
2. Do not be a know-it-all, and when you are wrong, admit it. There are few things more
captivating than a person who admits when he is wrong. It makes us realize that we are
not a bunch of lemmings, following him off a cliff. It reveals a sense of responsibility and
humility, two key traits that inspire loyalty. Employ this strategy with employees by
publicly acknowledging when you make a mistake and when someone else is right.
Whenever an error occurs with a client, no matter how small, be the first to call to let her
know and to apologize, and also to tell her what steps you’ve taken to prevent it from
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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happening again.
3. When you do not know an answer, do not invent one. Simply say, “I don’t know.” You’ll
be amazed at how much attention is then paid when you do have the answer to a question.
When a client asks you something that you are not sure of, say, I don’t know, but I’ll find
out.” Then keep him posted on your progress. The same holds true with an employee who
asks about something that you cannot answer confidently. This practice will prove
invaluable in building loyalty.
4. Treat everyone with respect, especially those who can’t do anything for you and from
whom you don’t need anything. When you treat someone “important” with great respect,
you show their greatness. When you do so when you don’t need to, it shows your
greatness. When you treat everyone in your path, from your client’s secretary to the
restaurant server, with kindness and gratitude, you show your real greatness and
illuminate a shining character.
5. Share the credit. Whenever you are acknowledged for your work, be sure to mention
every other person who contributed to your success, even in a small way. When a client
congratulates you on a job well done, and you respond with, “Thank you, but credit must
really be shared with Jim and Susan,” you will be a superhero.
6. When your own boss tells you that you did a great job on a project, and you bring your
subordinate into the office and say something such as, “I appreciate your kind words,
Mr. Green, but I want you to know that Tim here deserves much of the credit,” they will
become your two most loyal fans. Being capable is good, and many people are capable.
Acting with complete integrity is great, and few people do so. It will set you apart and
inspire unwavering loyalty.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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If you take advantage of any of these opportunities to shine, you will exemplify what it
means to be humble. You will not be seen as weak but as someone who is truly strong, and this
strength will inspire others to attach themselves to you.
TECHNIQUE # 5
IMAGE CONSISTENCY
Human beings have a strong need to be congruent with their concepts of themselves. If
someone thinks one way and then does something incongruous, he is seen as confused and
perhaps a bit nutty, and we each perceive ourselves in the same fashion. The less stable a person
is, the greater the degree of consistency he strives to maintain. In addition, when a person
believes that you see him in a certain light, he is driven to maintain the image you have of him.
Brand Loyalty
In a recent study. Dr. Read Montague, a professor at the Baylor
College of Medicine, gave subjects the “Pepsi challenge” with an FMRI
(Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) scanner. Simply, he asked
participants to sample both Pepsi and Coke and then state their preference.
The findings were fascinating. Subjects typically found Pepsi tastier, which
was confirmed visually by the FMRI when the brain’s reward center lit up.
Nevertheless, the Coke branding was so strong, as it related to their self-
concepts, that they vocalized support for it instead. Brands are so powerful
that people will sometimes buy and use a product they like less than a
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readily available alternative if they identify with it and see themselves as
“that kind of person.”
There are a variety of ways to reshape a person’s self-concept. Language is the one of the
simplest and most effective methods to do this.
Example I: A manager wants to reinforce an employee’s commitment to the company
during a difficult time.
Well-orchestrated phrases can reshape instantly how a person sees himself or herself in
your eyes. The following sample phrases are examples of ways to give people new images to live
up to:
“You never take the easy way out. You’re someone who rides out the storm, no
matter how rough things get. I want you to know that I have tremendous respect
for your integrity and loyalty.” Now this employee begins to see himself in this
way, and the more he respects who the message comes from, the stronger his
commitment to maintain this image in the eyes of his employer.
Example II: A salesman wants to make sure that one of his vendors will keep doing
business with him, even though he’s made several mistakes on the bills.
“I realize that we made an error on your invoice again. I so appreciate that you
are willing to overlook mistakes and give people a chance to make it up to you. I
really respect that about you.”
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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A simple sentence can reshape her self-concept and your relationship to include the
definition of someone who believes that of her. This makes her want to live up to the image that
you have of her, and she is driven subconsciously to fulfill your expectations. You see her in a
certain positive light, and she then needs to protect this image. Studies show that, because human
beings have a strong need to be congruous with their self-concept, when we vocalize an opinion-
whether or not we believe it to be true-we usually come to support it in time. For instance, in a
class assignment, students were chosen randomly to take different sides of an issue. After mock
debates students overwhelming accepted or at least sympathized with the position that they had
to defend-even when they did not believe it to be true in the first place.
In addition to the above strategy, when possible, arrange for someone for this person to
speak, write, or explain to others the importance and value of your company’s ideals. In time his
self-concept will re-form around his public declarations.
The Asch Experiment
In this classic experiment, subjects were asked to find the best match
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for line A from the lines in group B. When asked alone, almost every
person judged the middle line as the correct match. When the subject first
listened to several other people, however, who were in on the experiment
and who unanimously give a wrong answer, seventy-six percent of the
subjects responded, at least once, in accord with the group, rather than trust
their own judgment and their own objectively clear-cut answer. There was
no pressure to conform, only the influence of the others.
Subsequent studies show that conformity and social pressure is strongest when people do
not have personal allies, others in their corner, agreeing with them. For maximum advantage
when using these techniques, make sure that the other person is not aligned with someone else
who is not a firm supporter of you and what you are doing.
TECHNIQUE # 6
LOYALTY EARNED, NOT OWED
If you want someone to be loyal to you, you must demonstrate loyalty to that person. This
behavior engages psychological dependency, whereby the other person feels that he or she owes
you one, as well as making them, on a conscious level, want to stick by you. If you are in a
position to come to the rescue when someone else’s back is against the wall, you will have
earned their loyalty.
Whenever someone does us a favor, it can make us uncomfortable because most of us do
not like to owe anything to anyone. That makes us feel dependent, and human beings need a
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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sense of independence. Therefore, when we do something for someone else, showing our loyalty,
that person feels driven unconsciously to pay us back. We also demonstrate on a conscious level
our willingness to attach ourselves to that person, and he or she will then be more inclined to
reciprocate.
Example I: You want to influence your boss to go to bat for you regarding a higher-than-
usual raise.
If your boss comes under fire for something he’s done-let’s say he institutes a new and
unpopular policy-you can go to him and say something supportive, such as, “Mrs. Brown, I know
there are some people who are unhappy with your new policy. The truth is that I’m not sure I
love it eithermbut you’re the boss, and I am choosing to support you. Can you tell me how you
would like me to proceed? I can speak to others, call a meeting, or whatever you think best to
garner support for the new policy.” Once you have supported him, he will be more likely to
support your needs and efforts.
Example II: A district sales manager wants to prevent a big client from considering other
vendors’ goods or services.
Should a mistake arise on your customer’s invoice, and you go to bat for him, you will
create your own insurance policy. For example, you might say, “Mr. White, I know that the
contract says 4,000 gallons of oil, and if you were told that you could get it at $45 a gallon, then
that’s good enough for me.” Then copy him on any letters that you may send on his behalf, or
keep him apprised of pertinent conversations or emails.
This single gesture will have earned you an amazing amount of credit the next time you
need him to support you and stand behind something that is important to you.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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TECHNIQUE # 7
The Big Sell
The following few techniques are from my new book YOU CAN READ ANYONE:
Never be fooled, lied to, or taken advantage of Again. If you think that someone may be
sabotaging your efforts, when she appears to be cooperating, use these techniques to find out
whose side anyone is on, and fast.
With this technique you actually bring up your concern she may not really be an ally.
Then, afterward, all you have to do is gauge her mood. After having been accused of such a
thing, the person, if really an ally, will still have some residual annoyance, sadness, or at least,
questions. However, if she is really a saboteur, she is eager to change the subject, and you will
notice a profound shift in mood—to positive--after this little talk. The secret here lies not in
gauging her mood, while the subject is discussed–as she could be a convincing actress--rather,
once you move on, notice if she is pleased with herself for having “sold you”, or upset with you
for questioning her allegiance. The important part, of the technique, is to let her believe you
accept what she says wholly and completely–no ifs, ands, or buts, so she does not believe she has
to resell you, in which case it would appear like she is still annoyed.
Example: You think a co-worker has been conspiring behind your back
You simply bring up your concern in a non-threatening way. For instance, “Helen, I
heard a rumor that put Denise’s promotion ahead of mine, and downplayed my contribution to
the team.” Now, you pretty much ignore whatever she says. You smile and accept her response.
Then, take note if she continues to ask you why, and how, you could have thought the rumor
implicates her, or, if she disappears and heads to lunch. If she is truly an ally, she will want to set
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the record straight and clear the air; if she is a saboteur, she is looking to end the conversation as
quickly as possible.
On High Alert
People seeking to manipulate or control others, almost always
present the image of a “nice” person. Of course, he may simply be a nice
person; but you have to ask yourself the question, “Why is he being so nice
to me?” Please understand, this is not to make a cynic out of you. Rather, it
is a reminder that everyone has motivations, some good, and some bad. And
if someone you do not know very well is being nice to you– especially if he
does not seem to be in a good mood himself-it may be because he wants
something from you… and is getting ready to manipulate you.
TECHNIQUE # 8
THE EAGER BEAVER
In this technique, you can gauge a person’s degree of loyalty, by determining how
agreeable he is, under the circumstances. Now, the typical challenge is: the saboteur appears
agreeable. You have to apply some tactful psychology. It works like this: you ask the person to
give you something he can readily offer, at no risk to himself. Then, you turn up the heat a little
bit, by putting his personal interests in jeopardy. The technique has to be done it two steps:
Example I: You are a police officer canvassing a crime scene for witnesses.
You approach a person you think saw exactly what happened. If you merely ask him,
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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“Did you see anything?” and he responds with a “No” and proceeds to walk away, you are,
pretty much, out of options. You still do not know if he saw something and is uncooperative, or
if he is telling the truth. Therefore, you will begin with an innocuous question, and note whether
there is a change in cooperation and tone of conversation. For instance, you might say, “Do you
feel comfortable living in this neighborhood?” or “Did you grow up around here?” You see, the
questions are fairly non-threatening.
Once you engage him in conversation, with this harmless patter, you switch the focus and
ask your main question: “Did you see what happened?” Now, if he says no and tries to walk off,
you know he is an uncooperative witness who may know what happened, but does not want to
get involved. However, if he says no, but stays and continues to engage you in conservation, he
is probably an ally and truly willing to help you. Of course, if at any time he acknowledges he
saw something, you can assume there is a willingness to help. Take a look at another application:
Example II: A plant manager believes one of three unauthorized employees, who have
access to the warehouse, looked through some confidential boxes.
She says the following to the three suspects… “We know that a partial image of the thief
was caught on camera (obviously, not true, otherwise he would not need to interview them) and
the company logo is missing from his jacket. Can I ask you three to bring your company jacket
to my office?”
You have three people, who presumably will be able to produce a jacket with logo intact.
And the real culprit is thrilled because he is able to offer “proof” that he is not guilty because his
jacket is not missing a logo—in fact, none of the jackets are. So, here is where the technique
takes a twist: when each employee comes to her with the jacket, she adds, “I was wrong, the
camera did show a logo, the image very unclear, so we didn’t see it at first. So instead they want
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to test the jackets for fibers; you can leave yours with me now, or just drop it off before you
leave work.”
Now, she has him; the innocent person will leave the jacket, in order to quickly clear his
name; the guilty person wants to clean up the garment (likely offering a very poor excuse as to
why he needs to take it with him) before he submits it for testing. You see, if she merely asks the
three men to turn in their jackets, in order to test for fibers, she will have no way of knowing who
will be cleaning the jacket, and who will drop it off, without “tampering with the evidence”. By
informing her suspects of the new criterion, once the jackets are in her possession, she can
readily tell who is cooperating, and who is not.
TECHNIQUE # 9
ARE THEY HIDING ANYTHING?
When you have a sneaking suspicion another person may be up to something
underhanded, you are left with three options, none of which is often productive: confront, ignore,
or try to gather more information. If you confront the person, not only does it put him or her on
the defensive, but, if it turns out you are wrong, there is a good chance you may appear paranoid
or jealous, and the relationship may suffer. Ignoring the situation can be difficult and possibly
damaging to you. Finally, trying to gather more facts on your own is time-consuming and can be
counter-productive, if you are caught snooping around. Whenever you get a feeling deep-down
that something dishonest is going on, such as your child doing drugs, your employee is stealing,
or a friend is not loyal, then use f the following t to find out quickly, and easily, what a person is
really up to, or has on his mind.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
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This technique virtually guarantees you can find out within minutes if someone has
something to hide. It works like a Rorschach test, or what is commonly referred to as an inkblot
test. The Rorschach test consists of abstract, bilaterally symmetrical splotches of inkblots. The
theory behind the test is that a person’s interpretation of the shapes will reveal his or her
unconscious attitudes and thoughts. With our technique, we use the same theory but employ it in
an entirely new way--verbally. You ask a question that does not accuse the other person of
anything, but rather alludes to the situation. Then, by simply gauging the response, you will be
able to find out if the person has something to hide. In this way you are able to bring up a
particular subject and find out if someone is comfortable, or concerned, with the topic, all
without making a single accusation. Let us look at an example.
Example I: A sales manager thinks one of his salespeople may be stealing office
supplies.
Asking outright, “Have you been stealing from the company?” would put her on the
defensive immediately, making it nearly impossible to get to the truth. If she is not guilty, she
will of course tell the manager she has not been stealing. If she is guilty, she will most likely lie
and say she has not pilfered supplies. Instead, the manager might simply say something non-
threatening, such as: “Jill, I’m wondering if you could help me with something. It’s come to my
attention that someone in the sales department has been taking home office supplies for personal
use. Do you have any idea how we can put a stop to this?” Now he simply observes her reaction.
If she asks questions and seems interested in the topic of conversation, he can be
reasonably sure she is not doing the same activity, but if she becomes very uncomfortable and
seeks to change the subject, then she is likely engaged in a similar behavior. The manager will
notice an immediate shift in her demeanor and attitude. (For detailed signs of anxiety and
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
22
insecurity, please see Chapter 3.)
If she is innocent of the behavior, she is likely to offer her advice and be pleased he
sought out her opinion. If she is guilty, he will notice her becoming uncomfortable, and she will
probably assure him she would never do anything like stealing. No reason exists for her to bring
herself into the picture unless, of course, she is the one who feels guilty.
Another way to apply the technique is simply to wonder aloud how someone could do a
particular thing--what you think the other is doing--and simply gauging his/her response. Let us
see how wondering aloud works:
Example II: A woman thinks her date is acting a little bit odd and wonders if he is taking
some kind of substance--prescribed or otherwise.
To find out, she can ponder aloud: “Isn’t it interesting that people can use drugs and think
that others wouldn’t know?” Alternatively, “I was just reading an article that said thirty-three
percent of adults have tried recreational drugs at one time or another in their lives.” She brings
up the subject indirectly, observing whether his reaction will reveal if he is hiding his own drug
use. Someone, who is not engaged in the actions she mentions, will likely join in the
conversation willingly, while someone who is involved in the behavior will move to shift the
topic of conversation. The technique can also be applied by actually asking the other person for
his advice.
Example III: A hospital administrator suspects a doctor is drinking on duty
She might say, “Dr. Smith, I’d like to get your advice on something. A colleague of mine,
at another hospital, has a problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinking while on
call. Do you have any suggestions on how she can best approach this doctor?” Again, if he is
guilty of the same behavior, he will likely become very uncomfortable. If he is not drinking on
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
23
duty, then he will be pleased you sought his advice and will offer it willingly and happily.
UPDATE!
READ DR. LIBERMAN’S NEWEST BOOK
YOU CAN READ ANYONE
NEVER BE FOOLED, LIED TO, OR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AGAIN!
Have you ever wished you could peer into someone’s mind to find out what he or she is
really thinking? Now you can.
To be clear, this book is not a collection of recycled ideas about body language. We are
not going to suggest that a woman’s hairstyle will give us unprecedented access into her soul,
neither will we draw wildly ambiguous generalities about people based on our intuition or gut
instinct, nor will we reach conclusions based on how she folds her hands or he ties his shoelaces.
This book contains specific, practical, and proven, psychological techniques that you can
use to know a person’s thoughts and feelings at anytime--often within minutes.
Because the techniques can be applied instantly to any person in just about any situation,
Dr. Lieberman has demonstrated their ease and accuracy on hundreds of television and radio
programs. In a special report for FOX News, host Jeff Rosin declared, “It’s simply amazing! I
was with him and he was never wrong… not even once. I even learned how to do it and that’s
saying something.” In fact, Dr. Lieberman has gone “head-to-head” on live television, with
skilled polygraph examiners and scored just as well—every time.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
24
You Can Read Anyoneshows step-by-step exactly how to tell what someone is thinking
and feeling in real-life situations. For example, you will see precisely how to determine whether
another poker player will stay in or fold, whether a salesperson is trustworthy, or whether or not
a first date is going your way or the other way.
And when the stakes are high—negotiations, interrogations, questions of abuse, theft, or
fraud-- knowing who is out for you, and who is out to get you (or a loved one) can save you
time, money, energy, and heartache.
The New York Times put it best. In a feature article they simply said, “Don’t lie to David
Lieberman”. And now you too, can learn the most important psychological tools governing
human behavior and do more than just put the odds in your favor. Set up the game so that you
can’t lose.
A TASTE OF WHAT’S INSIDE…
Is this Person Hiding Anything?
Do not get the wool pulled over your eyes! The next time you have a “sneaking”
suspicion that someone may be “up” to something, use these techniques to casually find out if
anyone- kids, coworker, spouse, or friend- is keeping something from you.
Thumbs Up or Down --- Does He Like it or Not?
When you cannot figure out whether he has a favorable or unfavorable impression--of
this person, place, or thing--use these techniques to know what he is really thinking, regardless of
what he says.
Is She Confident, or just Trying to Play it Cool?
How would you like to know if the person sitting across the poker table from you really
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
25
has a full house or just a pair of deuces; or, if your top executive is serious about quitting if he
does not get a raise? The next time you’re in an interrogation, negotiation, or even poker hand,
use these techniques to find out if your opponent is feeling good about his chances or just putting
up a good front.
How are Things?
When he walks out of a meeting and you want to know how it went–find out; is his new
girlfriend a keeper or on the way out–find out; did he just lose a big account–find out? When he
will not tell you what just happened or what is going on, use these techniques to find out fast,
anytime.
Is He Interested, or are You Wasting Your Time?
If you want to find out if your date likes you or not, if your co-worker is really interested
in helping you with your project, or, if your prospect is interested in your product, then use these
techniques to find out right away.
Whose Side is She Really On?
Ally or Saboteur? Is she out for you, or to get you? If you think that someone may be
sabotaging your efforts, when she appears to be cooperating, use these techniques to find out
whose side anyone is on, and fast.
Emotional Profile: Find Out just How Safe, Stable, and Sane
A Person is.
Either through causal observance or from a two-minute conversation, you can learn the
warning signs of emotional instability and the potential for violence. From a blind date, to the
baby sitter, to a coworker, gain the advantage knowing what to look for, and what questions to
ask, in order to protect you and your loved ones.
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. “Make Anyone Loyal”
26
Blueprints to the Mind: Understanding the Decision-making Process
Go beyond reading basic thoughts and feelings, and learn how people think, so you can
and profile anyone, predict behavior, and understand a person better than He does himself.
ORDER YOUR COPY NOW ON AMAZON
© 2006 David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.. All Rights Reserved.
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DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, Ph.D.
David Lieberman, Ph.D., is an award-winning author and
internationally recognized leader in the field of human behavior
and interpersonal relationships. Techniques based on his seven
books, which have been translated into eighteen languages and
include two New York Times bestsellers, are used by the FBI, The
Department of the Navy, FORTUNE 500 companies, and by governments and corporations in
more than twenty-five countries. He has appeared as a guest expert on more than 200 programs
such as The Today Show, CNN, The Montel Williams Show, The O’Reilly Factor, and The
View, and his work has been featured in publications around the world. Dr. Lieberman, whose
Ph.D. is in psychology, lectures and holds workshops across the country on a variety of topics.
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Also by DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, Ph.D.
You Can Read Anyone
How To Change Anybody
Make Peace With Anyone
Get Anyone To Do Anything
Never Be Lied To Again
Instant Analysis
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