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). Listen carefully to !hat the other person is saying
a. 'hink about !hat your body language and posture are saying to
them.
b. *o not interrupt.
c. +se silence effectively & !ait for them to say !hat they
need to say.
. Paraphraseor summari-e the emotion and content of !hat you are
hearing.
ou are not agreeing !ith the person & merely reiterating
!hat they said. ou
can use their o!n precise !ords, but it is better to do it in
your o!n !ords.
a. ou can reflect the emotion & You are feeling angry
b. ou can reflect the content & You feel angry because these
things
have happened to you.
c. ou must omit judgement or evaluation, just reflect back !hat
the other
person is saying & If I understand what youre saying, then
your
perspective is that women should stay in the home, and not be
allowed
to go into town by themselves
/. Ask the person to say more about their e$periences or
feelings in a !ay that
sho!s you are interested in !hat they have to say.
0. Affirma person !hen you agree !ith !hat they are saying.
Sometimes this is remembered by theLIST!mnemonic &
Look interested, get interested.
Involve yourself by responding
Stay on target
Test your understanding
valuate !hat you hear
!eutrali-e your feelings.
ou can contrast Active Listening !ith *efensive listening.
Active Listening
demonstrates to the other person that you are really listening
to them & this helps to
reduce conflict. *efensive listening does not demonstrate
understanding, or that you
care about them.
Contrast "et#een Active and Defensive.
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A Daughter says to her $other%
Mama you never have time for me! You are always woring and doing
things for
other people.
Active Reply Defensive Reply
It sounds lie you are really frustrated
that I am so busy and you are missing
me. hen do you really wish I was
around to be with you the most" #ets try
to find a way to spend more time
together.
$ut I am woring so that I can mae
money to send you to school, buy your
clothes, and your food!
216987782.doc
