CultivatingVirtueinLeadershipFORGIVENESS

inEducationalLeadership

Overview

•  Whatisit?•  Whydoyouwantit?•  HowdoIgetit?•  HowdoIhelpothersgetit?•  Resources

Forgiveness:Definition

•  Forgivenessinvolvestheabilitytoforgivewhenconfrontedwithoffenses,arguments,andmistakes.

•  Forgivenessenablespeopletorepairdamagedrelationshipsandovercomenegativethoughtsandemotionsfollowinginterpersonalinjury(Aquinoetal.,2003)withoutcarryingagrudge(Verdoold&vanDierendonck,2010).

ForgivenessinLeadership

•  Leaderscansupportvirtuousactionssuchasforgiveness,byinitiatingandsupportingorganizationalstructures,systemsandresourcessuchasrestorativepracticesthatarealignedwithforgiveness(Madsenetal.,2009)andwhichprovidehealingopportunitiestoselfandothers,(Speer,2011).

•  Whenclusteredtogetherhumility,gratitudeandforgivenessrepresentanorientationtoleadershipthat‘‘includeseffectivelyhandlingoneselfinanonegocentric,positiveandoffense-resistantmanner’’(Graheketal.,2010,p.272).

Whatisit?Forgivenessinvolvestheabilitytoforgivewhenconfrontedwithoffenses,arguments,andmistakes.Forservantleadersitisimportanttocreateanatmosphereoftrustwherepeoplefeelaccepted,arefreetomakemistakesandknowthattheywillnotberejected(Ferch,2005).Forgivenessenablespeopletorepairdamagedrelationshipsandovercomenegativethoughtsandemotionsfollowinginterpersonalinjury(Aquinoetal.,2003)withoutcarryingagrudge(Verdoold&vanDierendonck,2010).

Whatisit?Leaderscansupportvirtuousactionssuchasforgiveness,byinitiatingandsupportingorganizationalstructures,systemsandresourcessuchasrestorativepracticesthatarealignedwithforgiveness(Madsenetal.,2009)andwhichprovidehealingopportunitiestoselfandothers,(Speer,2011).Whenclusteredtogetherhumility,gratitudeandforgivenessrepresentanorientationtoleadershipthat‘‘includeseffectivelyhandlingoneselfinanonegocentric,positiveandoffense-resistantmanner’’(Graheketal.,2010,p.272).

WhatForgivenessisNot•  Notsomethingyoudofortheotherperson•  NotpardoningorexcusingthebehaviorForgivenessdoesnotmean:•  youhavetotellthepersonthatheorsheisforgiven.•  youwillnothaveanymorefeelingsaboutwhat

happened.•  youhavetoforgetwhathappened,or

•  thereisnothingelsetoworkonandeverythingisokaynow.

•  thepersongetstoremaininyourlife.

AmIaForgivingPerson?

SelfQuiz•  http://www.belmontwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/Forgiveness-Self-Test1.jpg

TheRoleofForgivenessinServantLeadership

•  ActiveListening–Servantleadersactivelylistentotheirfollowers.(Mirroring,reflectivelistening)

•  Empathy–Servantleadershavetheabilitytoempathize.Empathyistheabilitytodetectandunderstandemotionsbeingfeltbyothers.

•  CommitmenttoGrowth–Servantleadersarepersonallycommittedtothepersonalandprofessionalgrowthoftheirfollowers.

Sources:https://study.com/academy/lesson/what-is-servant-leadership-definition-characteristics-examples.html

ServantLeadersListen•  “Servantleadersapproachpeoplebylistening.Truelisteningbuildsstrengthwhilelackoflisteningweakenspeople.”-SpearsandLawrence,p.232

•  “Thefirstservicethatoneowestoothersincommunityconsistsinlisteningtothem.”-DietrichBonhoeffer,LifeTogether

•  Listeningskillscanbetaughtandareessentialtoaneffectivefeedbackloopbetweenleadership,staffandstudents.

ServantLeaders

Forservantleadersitisimportanttocreateanatmosphereoftrustwherepeople:

•  feelaccepted,•  arefreetomakemistakes,•  knowthattheywillnotberejected.

(Ferch,2005)

CompassionateLoveisFoundationaltotheAbilitytoForgive

•  Forgivenessisachoicethatcomesfromanattitudeofcompassionatelove.

•  Forgiveness,thechoicetolookpastthefailureor

mistakeofanother,andtoreconcilearelationshipdespiteaperceivedwrong,isanobleleadershipqualityofacompassionateandeffectiveleader.

SelfAssessmentReflection*

1.  Wouldyourstaffdescribeyouasagoodlistener?2.  Whatdoyoudotodeliberatelyimprovehumanrelationsin

yourschool?3.  Whathaveyoudonetoencourageanatmospherewhere

feedbackissoughtandvaluedinyourschool?4.  Whatisthelevelofrelationaltrustinyourschool?Do

peopletrusteachother?5.  Canoneperson'saccomplishmentbecelebratedwithouta

resultantboomerangofcriticismforthem?6.  Doyouintentionallytrytoshareleadershipwhenever

possible?*basedonCulver,2008

Leadership

Forgiveness

Accountability

RequiresaBALANCE

CanForgivenessBenefittheForgiver?

Whatmightbethebenefitstoyouwhenyouforgivesomeonewhohurtorharmedyou?Whatmightbethebenefitstoyouwhenyouadmitamistakeandaskforforgiveness?

So,HowDoYouForgive?

•  Thinkaboutwhathappened:Acceptthatithappenedandhowitmadeyoufeelandreact.

•  Considerifyoulearnedsomethingaboutyourselfbecauseofwhathappened

•  Thinkaboutthepersonwhoharmedyou.Theyarehumanandfallible,justlikeyouandwasoperatingfromtheirownperception.Whatneedweretheytryingtomeet?

ACompleteApology

NtozangeShangeinthePlay“ForColoredGirlsWhohaveconsideredSuicide/WhentheRainbowisenuf.”

onethingidon'tneed

isanymoreapologies

igotsorrygreetinmeatmyfrontdoor

youcankeepyrs

icantuseanothersorry

nexttimeyoushouldadmit

you'remean/low-down/triflin/&nocountstraightout

steadabeinsorryallathetime

enjoybeinyrself

Students(ThoseServed)

•  ForgivenessasaClassroomManagementModel

•  RestorativePractices

AdmittingOurOwnMistakes

•  Leaderswhoadmitmistakespubliclymodelthevirtueofadmittingmistakesforthewholeorganization.

•  Coveringupmistakestakesmoretimeandenergythanadmittingthem.

ForgivenessandReconciliationClassroomActivities

forYoungLearners

First,ForgivenessFirst,Forgiveness

Second,Reconciliation

WhoSaysWeAreNotHuman?TheArtandScienceof

ForgivenessinEducationalLeadership

“Itisinforgivingthattwopartiesreconcileandfreelychoosetoforgiveandbeforgiveninordertoexperienceacleansingspiritofembitteredrigiditybecomingtransformativeopenness.

Aneffectiveleaderisabletoestablishrelationaltrusttoforgiveamongindividualsandtheprocessbecomesembeddedintheirlifewithinanorganization.FerchandMitchell(2001)callthisintentionalforgiveness,whichmeansatechniquethatgivesspecificguidelinesofinterpersonalreconciliation.

Bygrantingforgivenesstoafaculty,anacademicadministratorisactuallycreatinganenvironmentofthriving,allowingindividualstogrow,whilelearningandcontributinginasafeplacewheretheyfeeltheybelong.”-Undung,YanddeGuzman,A.October2014The14thAnnualSEAAIRConference

ExampleofUsingForgivenesstoDefuseConflict

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2013/04/02/us/20130403_RESTORATIVE.htmlSeehowthisworkedinNewYorkschools.

LeadersWhoForgave

•  “Forgivenessisthenameoflovepracticedamongpeoplewholovepoorly.Thehardtruthisthatallpeoplelovepoorly.Weneedtoforgiveandbeforgiveneveryday,everyhourincreasingly.Thatisthegreatworkofloveamongthefellowshipoftheweakthatisthehumanfamily.”―HenriJ.M.Nouwen

•  “Theweakcanneverforgive.Forgivenessistheattributeofthestrong.”

―MahatmaGandhi,AllMenareBrothers:AutobiographicalReflections•  “Toerrishuman,toforgive,divine.”

―AlexanderPope,AnEssayonCriticism•  “Forgivenessisanactofthewill,andthewillcanfunctionregardlessofthetemperatureofthe

heart.”―CorrietenBoom

•  “Forgivenessisnotanoccasionalact,itisaconstantattitude.”

―MartinLutherKingJr.

ChoosingtoForgive•  “Resentmentislikedrinkingpoisonandthenhopingitwillkillyourenemies.”

―NelsonMandela

•  “Grudgesareforthosewhoinsistthattheyareowedsomething;forgiveness,however,isforthosewhoaresubstantialenoughtomoveon.”―CrissJami,Salomé:InEveryInchInEveryMile

•  “Tobewrongedisnothing,unlessyoucontinuetorememberit.”―Confucius

•  “AsIwalkedoutthedoortowardthegatethatwouldleadtomyfreedom,IknewifIdidn'tleavemybitternessandhatredbehind,I'dstillbeinprison.”

―NelsonMandela

•  “Betweenstimulusandresponsethereisaspace.Inthatspaceisourpowertochooseourresponse.Inourresponseliesourgrowthandourhappiness”

―ViktorFrankl

Exemplars•  MartinLutherKing,statedthattheoppressorwillneverwillinglygiveuppower

andadvocatednon-violence,butnotsilence.Kingproposedthatweshouldlovetheoppressorwiththegoalofnotonlyourownsalvation,butthesalvationoftheonewhoharmsus.

•  NelsonMandela,thefirstdemocraticallyelectedpresidentofSouthAfrica,wasan

extraordinaryservant-leader.Hespendmorethantwenty-sevenyearsasapoliticalprisoner,yetrefusedtobevengefuleitherpersonallyorpolitically.Afterhisrelease,herefusedtogainpowerbysuppressingdissent.Ultimately,hisrefusaltodenythehumanityofthosewhocommittedatrocitiesdrewthepeopleofhiscountrytowardthemonumentaltaskofforgivingeventheworstbrutalities.

•  NelsonMandela,DesmondTutu,andotherdemocraticallyelectedleadersdesignedtheTruthinReconciliationCommissioninresponsetotheatrocitiescommittedduringtheapartheidyears.Thecountryimplementedaplanofforgivenessandreconciliation,ofrestorativejusticeunlikeanytheglobalpoliticalcommunityhadeverknown.

VideoScenefrom"TheInterpreter”

withSeanPennandNicoleKidman

http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/the-interpreter/choosing-forgiveness

ClosingActivity“Triangle-Square-Circle”

Reflection1.Drawatriangleandnexttoitwritedownthreeimportantpointsfromthemodule.2.Drawasquareandnexttoitwritedownanythingthat“squares”withyourthinking.3.Drawacircleandnexttoitwritedownanythingthatisstill“circling”inyourheadorquestionsthatyouhave.Partiallyquotedfrom:http://www.theteachertoolkit.com/index.php/tool/triangle-square-circle

TheCenterforCharacterandCitizenshipattheUniversityofMissouri-St.LouisCollegeofEducationisgrateful

forthesupportoftheJohnTempletonFoundationforthisproject:CultivatingVirtue:ServantLeadershipDevelopmentforEducation.