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Bloom S. BurgDr. SherryTCSSCUFF AssignmentDecember 15, 2010

When I began grading the Formal Journal Entries, I quickly found how caught up

a teacher might get in small insignificant mistakes. After reading several through

without grading them, I began to get to the larger ideas and really focus on what my

students were trying to get across to their readers.

Generally, I think the grades I assigned were fair. Several students, had similar

errors, therefore I did not penalize anyone for those mistakes, and in a real classroom

setting, I might then include workshops or lessons to help clear up some of these

issues. On the same line of thought, many students missed whole parts of the original

promptbut still have excelled papers. Again, instead of penalizing these students, I

probably would have changed the rubric to align more with the assignment. Or, I might

have allowed all of the students to look over their papers and hand in a new draft after

going over the requirements again.

On several students papers (those that scored in the low Bs and Cs) I said that

they could resubmit their assignments, if they wanted too. I think this is a good practice

to have. It allows students to feel more in control of their grades. As long as my

students have to desire to try and try againI want to help them grow in any way that I

can. Plus, as I recently found outI really love reading students work.

The grading scale that I chose was fairly simple. All 12 points was an A, a 11.5-

10.5 was an A-, 10.5-9.5 was a B+, 9.5-8.5 was a B, 8.5-7.5 was a B-, 7.5-6.5 was a

C+, 6.5-6 was a C, 6-5.5 was a C-, 5.5-4 was a C, a 4 was a C-, and a 3.5 was a D+.

Comment [1]: Bloom, what a great strategyGlad you were able to do this, both for your sak

your studentsJ

Comment [2]: Very ethicalJ

Can you specify? What were some of the comm

errors or cracks in the assignment?

Comment [3]: Admirableafter all, this is the purpose of our feedback on student writing:

help them improveJ

Comment [4]: Wow! A rare comment J(I secretly do, too, even during weeks like this,

Im doing it from 5am to 11pm!)


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As I mentioned, any student that received a grade lower than a B, was allowed to

resubmit their paper for a higher grade. For each paper, I graded the students writing

according to the rubric. I found this tool extremely helpful and I definitely plan on using

them when I grade assignments in my own classroom. However, as I also mentioned,

this particular rubric did not completely match up with the assignment given. That being

said, the most important thing that I looked for in the students writing was the

evidence they used to support their interpretation. Unfortunately, because of how the

rubric was set upreadability and organization also had an equal pull in the grading

process.

Lets be honestI loved every minute of this assignment. I had a really good

time reading my peers papers and I definitely found grading to be more fun than I

anticipated. Overall, I thought I was able to stay on task, give meaningful suggestions,

and also push my students to make their writing better without destroying their

grades in the process. It was really interesting to be on the grading side of things for

once, it was definitely more time consuming than I had anticipated. Probably the best

part of this assignment though, was that it really confirmed for me, that Im going into

the right profession.

Comment [5]: So would you give less weigthose in your own classroom? Some teachers a

that this should be the case; and some give mor

less weight to the same rubric categories across

different assignments (e.g., next time, you migh

focus more on organization).

Comment [6]: J

Comment [7]: So glad to hear this! J

Why? What was gratifying about it?


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#1

In reading The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald the character which I chose

to analyze was Jay Gatsby, or should I say Jimmy Gatz. When composing my group

presentation we made a variety of different decisions themed around Gatsbys view of

success and progression of change throughout the novel. For example, we chose to

pair Gatsby with the color green because he believed that life was all about how much

money you had rather than the people you had in it. We also chose green because he

was envious of Tom and Daisys relationship, wishing he too could have had her in his

life. We chose the quotes to show how shady Gatsby was as a character and how

society viewed him as a mysterious and elite figure. Most importantly we chose our last

quote when Gatsbys father is speaking to Nick because it showed how much of a liar

Gatsby actually was. Throughout the entire novel Gatsby referred to himself as Jay

Gatsby, however it is revealed by his father that his actual name was Jimmy Gatz.

Lastly, we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars, by Bare Naked Ladies to represent

all the things that Gatsby would have done for Daisy if she gave him the opportunity.

Gatsbys journey and progression of change throughout the novel was highly

influenced by his desire for Daisy. In chapter 4 we learn that Gatsby moved to East Egg

to be directly across the bay from her, It was a strange coincidence, I said But it

wasnt a coincidence at all. Why not? Gatsby bought that house so that Daisy would

be just across the bay (p. ). After learning this information we know that Gatsbys

purpose in life is to win Daisy back. In the end of the novel after Gatsby has passed

away Nick tries to get Daisy to come and mourn the loss of her lover, I called up Daisy

Formatted: Font:Underline, Font coloBlack

Comment [8]: This is a really great introducto your character, just a little formatting issue t

watch out for with book titles (they need to be

underlined).

Comment [9]: This was the whole point! I like how you say it directly to your reader, grea

Comment [10]: I always thought of GatsbyblueIm really glad your group choose to exp

this option because I learned something new to

Comment [11]: I like your use of the stars,

that youre willing to tell students you learned f

them! J CARING

Comment [12]: These were really great exa

for choosing green!

Comment [13]: Im really glad that your grchoose this song! I think its a really great mat

Gatsbys character! Id buy your love

Comment [14]: Does this section fit here?

think you can go into more detail about why yo

chose this quotation (and the other three) in aseparate paragraph. Maybe a closing sentence

importance of green would be better in this spo

Same goes for the song choice. This should haown paragraph as well.

Comment [15]: This is a great point, and I

youre right on!

Comment [16]: Why great? CLARITY

Comment [17]: Inserting quotations can betricky! Sometimes even I need to look up the r

Maybe I should go over this better in class? Inmean time, there are some MLA formatting boo

the book case that might help you fix this part o

your paper up. Good try though!

Also, you did a great job Inserting and Interpre

but your introduction needs to say whos speak

well. Dont forget the Introduction.

Comment [18]: I like that you point studentoward strategies rather than just fixes J and th

you blend praise and criticism (CARING AND

CHALLENGING) J

I often use this strategy of criticizing my own

process/product to soften the blow.


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half an hour after we found him, called her instinctively and without hesitation. But she

and Tom had gone away early that afternoon, and taken baggage with them (p.). The

fact that Daisy never called, stopped by, or attending the burial service of Gatsby shows

that she has to leave her relationship and love for him in the past. Although I do believe

at one time Daisy did have passion for Gatsby, it was too much of a risk for her to relive

that love now. Therefore, Gatsby died because his view of success was not about

friendships, love, or family, he believed that money, power, and lust were the key to

happiness but in fact they were the recipe for failure.

Criteria 4-Great! 3-Good 2-Fair 1-Poor

Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 10/12=B

Comments: #1, you did a really great job supporting your choices for color, song, and

explaining Gatsbys progression. One thing you that need to work on is your

proofreading and some minor formatting issues. Also, the ideas that you expressed

were really goodbut you need to think about how you want to organize your thoughts

so that your readers can follow your train of thought. You have a great start here, keep

up the good work!

Comment [19]: This is a great quote, but wdoes it show about Gatsby? Maybe if you exp

it more I might understand, but I think this tells

more about Daisy, dont you?

Comment [20]: -s

Comment [21]: This is a great ending! (Orbeginning?) I think you had a lot of great ideas

just need more explaination. Nice job, #

Comment [22]: Using the student name i

your feedbackJ CARING

Comment [23]: Very smart to insert the rubhere: provides the CLARITY of the scale and

brings it closer to the actual paper so that stude

are more likely to read it! J

Like that you begin and end with specific prais

CARING J


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#2

Group Explanation:

The Nick Carraway Group chose to use a PowerPoint presentation for their

medium rather than other options, because collectively we felt it was the easiest way to

put our ideas together in a cohesive, organized, and easy to understand way. It was

very important to all of us to have a clean look to our presentation, and also have it so

everyone could easily follow along. It was also easier for us as a group to work together

using PowerPoint, because it was accessible to us through our class wiki, while a poster

or other medium would have made it more difficult for everyone to have a part in the

preparation.

The image that the Nick Carraway Group chose was really interesting. We

stumbled upon it by Googling watching and an image of a man looking in binoculars

turned up in the search results. On the lens of the binoculars though, you could see a

graph with a downward trend, like you could see associated with the stock market. As

soon as we saw this image we were able to apply it to Nicks character. He was mostly

an observer, and what he observed was the downfall of those around him.

The color that we chose to represent Nicks character was gray. Gray is a color

that we felt represented Nicks observe qualities. Gray in itself is rather boring, but

has the ability to make other colors around it stand out. Similarly to how Nick makes

Gatsby stand out as someone who is interesting and mysterious. Additionally gray is a

modest color. It doesnt stand out similarly to how Nick doesnt speak out, or express

much of his feelings to other throughout the novella.

Comment [24]: I really like how you organyour paper into two distinct partsthats kinda

the assignment turned out, huh? Great idea!

Comment [25]: Great explanation!

Comment [26]: Really?! Thats so cool yofound that picture out of the blue like that! Thigreat example of how interpretation changes w

we read and see in art sometimes!

Comment [27]: This is really interesting! Iwould love if you emailed me a link of this pict

so I can use it next year.

Comment [28]: This is the color I also, asso

with Nick.

Comment [29]: Thats exactly right! Nickalways gets pegged with being boring, but I t

youre right to think there is more to him than j

being boring!

Comment [30]: Can you reword this so itslittle clearer to your readers what you meant he

Comment [31]: How might you explain howreword this? CLARITY?

Sentence combining is one of the most commonmistakes and effective grammar lessons a teach

can teach.

Comment 32 :


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The song that we chose to represent Nick was Honestly, by Billy Joel. The

quote the novella that made us chose this song was when Nick said, I am one of the

few honest people that I have ever known. This idea of being the only honest person is

the main reason for Joels song and can be clearly seen in this excerpt, [h]onesty is

such a lonely word / Everyone is so untrue / Honesty is hardly ever heard / And mostly

what I need from you. Together we felt that this song really showed how Nicks was

affected by the other characters in the novella, and the distance he places between

themand himself.

The quotations that we chose to represent Nick in our presentation were selected

above others because we felt that they highlighted important parts of the novella for his

character. In particular, the quotation that explained how he felt Daisy and Tom

smashed things up and left them for others, really showed the way that Nick feltabout

what had happened to Gatsby. This was important because it showed Nicks

development in expressing his feelingseven if it was only to himself.

Nicks Relationship with Gatsby:

Nicks relationship with Gatsby was by far the most interesting to me in The

Great Gatsby. When Nick first meets Jay Gatsby, he is instantly intrigued with who he

is and what he does. Nick narrates the first time he sees Gatsby,

I saw that I was not alone - fifty feet away a figure had emerged from the shadow

of my neighbor's mansion and was standing with his hands in his pockets

regarding the silver pepper of the stars. Something in his leisurely movements

and the secure position of his feet upon the lawn suggested that it was Mr.

Comment [33]: I love Billy Joel, how you d

think hed feel about Nick?

Comment [34]: Like that you include somecomments that are really just responses J

Comment [35]: Great use of the Ins, also yexplanation was clear, to the point, and extreme

insightful. Very nice job.

Comment [36]: Like that you refer throughthe same kinds of thingsyour students are mo

likely to pick up on these trends (especially if y

follow up with a mini-lesson) CLARITY J

Comment [37]: So far so good! Im very

impressed.


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Gatsby himself, come out to determine what share was his of our local heavens.

(20)

At this point in the novella I dont think Nick knew himself what he wanted out of life

but from this quotation I think it becomes clear to the reader that Nick was trying to tell

Gatsbys storyto make it mean something.

At the end of his tale Nick thinks to himself that he will never be able to forgive

Tom and Daisy for how they treat other people. Nick thinks to himself,

I couldn't forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him,

entirely justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless

people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then

retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that

kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had

made....(179)

This passage really shows the importance to how Nicks life was changed because of

GatsbyGatsbys dead, in a way, gave Nick something to live for. Nick and Gatsbys

friendship, and how it grew and developedhow it changed Nicks relationship with

Tom, Daisy, and even Jordan, really demonstrates how these two characters were

connected and how Nicks success was dependant on Gatsbys fortunes as well.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 11.5/12=A-

Comment [38]: Can you think of a differenphrase here? If you look up one line you just u

this one ;)

Comment [39]: Great quotation choice!

Comment [40]: Because? CLARITY

Comment [41]: Did you mean death?

Comment [42]: Correcting these kinds of tymay be more trouble than its worthhow else

might you point this out? CONCISE?


8/38

Comments: #2, this was really an excellent paper. I loved how you split up the prompt

into two distinct sections. I think it really helped keep your thoughts organized. Also,

you supported your opinions very well, and again stayed focused and organized. To

take this paper to the next level I think you just need to step back and proofread for

those silly mistakes that tend to sneak up on the best of us. Sometimes, I read my

papers out loud, or change the font and read through it again myself. If you ever want

me to look over a draft with you, Id be happy to set up a meeting! Very nice job.


9/38

#3

In The Great Gatsby, Tom is one character who we see that really affects how

we see other characters. Tom is a cold person who only looks out for himself. We chose

in our presentation to use the colorred for him because it is an evil color and Tom is

evil. Red is associated with hatred and Tom hates Gatsby. Red is also associated with

murder and blood and although Tom did not murder Gatsby, Tom told Wilson that

Gatsby had been the owner of the car that had killed his wife. This of course was going

to make Wilson want revenge on Gatsby and otherwise put the gun in Wilsons hand to

kill Gatsby.

Nick said I couldnt forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was,

to him, entirely justifies. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless

people, Atom and Daisy-They smashed up things and creatures and then retreated

back into thier money or thier vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them

together and let other people clean up the mess they had made (pg 179) This quote

shows that Tom doesnt care about what other people think of him or what he does to

hurt others. He only cares about his possessions and having the best things in life.

Not only does he affect Gatsbys life but he also affects Daisys. His wife is very loyal to

him, but when he feels threatened by Gatsby, he feels he must find a way to keep him

away from his wife. Tom doesnt even really care about Daisy. He wasnt even there for

the birth of their child. He just cares about the idea of having Daisy. This alters her life

then in the end.

Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

Formatted: Underline

Comment [43]: Remember that book titles to be underlined. Great introduction of the boo

character here!

Comment [44]: This is really interesting! I

thought of his as this influential, what makes yo

think so?

Comment [45]: This is a strong claim, whatextual evidence might you use here to back it u

Comment [46]: Red is a great choice for To

Comment [47]: Evil color? Can colors reaevil or is it the association to blood that makes

think sosomething to think about =)

Comment [48]: Ahh, this must be why you

that Tom is evilwhat might have happened to

wife, daughter (or himself) if he hadnt compliwith Wilson though? Does this change your op

at all?

Comment [49]: Proof reading this somethineveryone struggles with, Im pretty sure you mTom here ;)

Comment [50]: Again, proofreading and spcheck are your friends. I understand what you

though, it just slows down the reader and make

ideas harder to follow. Would a peer edit be he

next time?

Comment [51]: Because this quotation is mthan four lines, what you would do here is calle

block quotation. I should have explained how

was done. My apologies.

Comment [52]: Im impressed at your CARdespite the fact that this piece required more

comments than most others J

Comment [53]: What makes you think thatis loyal to Tom?

Comment [54]: A great question because it

neutralpoints student toward support withoutadmonishment J

CHALLENGING/CARING


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Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 6.5/12=C+

Comments: #3, you have a really good start here. Your thesis is definitely debatable

and you have a good foundation here for your textual support for it. I really enjoyed how

your view of Tom was so different than my own. Your group did a great job with the

color choice and textual support; however, you didnt mention what song you chose.

Also, I felt that you needed to go back and think about organizing your thoughts, and

looking for those silly mistakes that sneak up on us all. If youd like to talk to me about

your paper and hand in a revised copy, Id be happy to accommodate you. Lets aim for

the end of this week sometime. Comment [55]: A great way to combine faiand individualization J


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#4

Individual Project Explanation

I believe our Gatsby presentation was very positive. We turned a character who

life consisted on Fitzgeralds pages and gave him life via his success story. We chose

the colorgreen to symbolize Jay and his success because green is the color of

money. All his life, even when Jay was a young boy (under a different name), he was

after money and making it big. Also, green is the color of envy which is how Jay feels

toward another main character, Tom. Jay is very jealous of Toms life and the fact that

he is married to Daisy, the love of Jays life and (we find out later), one of the driving

forces behind his search for wealth. Our group chose the song If I Had A Million

Dollars by the Barenaked Ladies as our song to represent Gatsby and his journey. The

song is, basically, about someone concocting ideas about what they would do and buy

should get obtain a million dollars. The main line, however, is If I had a million dollars, I

would buy your love. That is perfectly representative of Gatsby because, in the latter

part of the text, we see that Gatsby throws parties to impress Daisy and hosts all these

lavish gala events to grab her attention and hopefully steal her back for him. He lives

across the way from Daisy in hopes that she will see his large, beautiful home and go

back to him. Gatsby is a very wishful thinker, but it works to his demise.

As far as quotes go, the book is written about the entire story of Jay, so there are

plenty. The first quote that, I believe, represents Jay is on page 21 of the text. This is

Gatsby makes his first appearance. The quote reads that he stretched out his arms

toward the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn

he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seawardand distinguished nothing except a

Comment [56]: I really like you to provided

title

You introduction might be strong though, if yo

introduce what book were using, and perhaps

name ;)

Comment [57]: Me too!

Comment [58]: Bring characters to life is important, because it helps you think about them

from different perspectives. Im really glad tha

were able to accomplish this. As a teacher that

makes me feel likeIm doing my job right.

Comment [59]: I like how you tie the colorin with your thesis. How could you expand the

paragraph without including the color here thou

Putting the color chose and support in its own p

will help your paper become more organized.

Comment [60]: I always thought of Gatsbyblue, but youre group did a really great job

convincing me otherwise!

Comment [61]: This would be a great placemake a new paragraph.

Comment [62]: Awesome song choice for

Gatsby!

Comment [63]: Terrific song explanation!


Comment [65]: How could you make first

sentence stand out? Remember to link the firstsentences of a paragraph back to your thesis fo

organization purposes.

Comment [66]: Like that you provide CLEstrategies for HOW to address this CHALLEN

question J

Comment [67]: I think you need the wordwhen after this. ;)

Comment [68]: How might you comment okind of thing without having to use a complete

sentence (and correcting)?

I sometimes just highlight the space between th

words and use ? or use the key WM for wor

missing


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single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I

looked once more for Gatsby he has vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet

darkness (21). This shows Gatsby longing after the success/money/wealth/Daisy

across the lake. This represents all the longing in the text. Gatsby may make lots of

money and have many fancy things, but he is still longing and hoping after something

that cannot be achieved. That something is Daisy. Gatsby is never and will never be

satisfied until she is his.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 10/12=B+

Comments: #4, you have a really good start here. I love how you supported your

choices of song, color, and quotations. You seem to have left out the image you chose

to represent Gatsby though. Also, your organization needs a little work. How could you

make your transitions clearer and aligned with your thesis? Keep up the good work!

Comment [69]: Because this quotation is mthan four lines, what you would do here is calle



Comment [70]: A great summative commeCLEAR, CONCISE, CARING, and

CHALLENGING J


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#5

Gatsby Misses Success

In The Great Gatsby, I think that Gatsby looked successful at the beginning, but

by the end of the novel we see him as a failure. Here I will talk about why we chose the

quotes we did as a group, as well as the color and the song. We were trying to make a

PowerPoint slide that represents Gatsby throughout the book, we thought this would be

the most efficient medium in which to represent this information.

We chose green to represent Gatsby because it stands for money, growth and

envy. Gatsby went from being at the bottom of the socioeconomic status to being so

rich he didnt really know what to do with all his money. One woman who tore her dress

at a party he had got a new one sent to her in the mail shortly afterwards. This shows

the reader how he has extra money to just toss around. The green light at the end of

Daisys dock represents Gatsbys envy of Tom having Daisy as well as Gatsbys desire

to have Daisys love.

The second quote we chose: Somebody told me they thought he killed a man

once, shows the reader that no one really knows who Gatsby is or how he made his

fortune. He is a man of mystery throughout the book. He is shrouded in unknowns and

stories run ramped about him to fill the gaps!

The third quote we took from the part where Gatsby is trying to get Daisy to say

that she never loved Tom. I never loved him, She said with perceptible reluctance. p.

132. Daisy actually admits that she never loved Tom, but retracts this statement in the

next few minutes. This is the turning point in Gatsbys pursuit of Daisy because he

realizes that even though she may have once loved him there is not chance at

Formatted: Underline

Comment [71]: Are you using track changecorrect? What might be gained and lost by this?

CHALLENGING?

Comment [72]: Wow!Im interested to s

how you back this up.

Comment [73]: I really like how you jump

into what your paper will be about!

Comment [74]: I really like how you orient

reader about what is coming next!

Comment [75]: I agree that PowerPoints arefficient, but why do you think so? How can y

support this?

Comment [76]: How could you relate thissection back to your thesis?

Comment [77]: I sometimes expect to see athesis in the first paragraph because thats the g

of a school essay. But here, this first sentence o

second paragraph seems like the thesis for this

pieceand its pretty clear.

Comment [78]: I really liked that your grouchose green to describe Gatsby, I always thoug

his as blue so I found this particularly interestin

Nice job thinking from a new standpoint!

Comment [79]: These are great examples!

Comment [80]: I love all your examples!

It is a little tricky to follow all of these differen

thoughts though. Maybe read this out loud and

about how to make your feelings clearer for yo

readers.

Comment [81]: Providing positive strategieCHALLENGING/CARING J

Comment [82]: When youre Introducing, tlet your readers know whos speaking and to w

theyre speaking to. Also, because this is the f

quotation that you use in your paper, saying th

second quote was a little confusing for me as areader.

Comment [83]: Great explanation of the

quotations significance!

Comment [84]: Your formatting needs a lithelp, a lot of students had this problem though.

will go over some of these problems in class, m

use this as an example?


14/38

winning her over now. He just looks really desperate in this scene; forcing Daisy to say

that she never loved her husband, right in front of her. Maybe it was what Gatsby

deserves not to have Daisy at his funeral after this escapade!

Gatsby has a great effect on Nick throughout the book so much that he tells

this story. Nick feels it is his responsibility to get people to attend Gatsbys funeral. He

has felt like a close friend of Gatsbys even though he really doesnt know much about

the mystery that surrounds him.

We chose If I had 1,000,000 dollars as the song to represent Gatsby at the

beginning. He thought if he was wealthy enough and threw huge parties, Daisy would

love him. All he wanted was Daisys love and he couldnt get that in the end so I

would say he was not really a success.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 10/12=B+

Comments: #5, you did a really great job sticking to the prompt, organizing your

thoughts, and staying on topic. I really enjoyed your interpretations of Gatsby. I really

like how you thought about his so differently than I did when I read this novel. Overall,

you need to work on relating back to your thesis, formatting, and generally expanding

your own thoughts. Keep up the good work!

Comment [85]: Sometimes pronouns can mthings confusing. What I think you mean here

him, meaning Tom.

Comment [86]: Interesting comment. Doeanyone deserve not to have anyone at their fun

especially someone who loved them? I might

willing to agree with you if you were to suppor

a little more.

Comment [87]: I love how you made eachsection of your paper focus of one aspect of you

presentation.

How might you make these transitions flow bet

though? I know one thing that I do it try to tie

of my first sentences back to the thesis.

Comment [88]: CARING/CLARITY J

Comment [89]: I really like this song!

What is the MLA rules for song titles?Comment [90]: Because of how you set up

paper, you might want a conclusion paragraph.

might be a good idea to help summarize your o

thoughts for your readers.

Comment [91]: While might softens criti(CARING), it may not be enough to CHALLEN

some students to change.


15/38

#6

Daisy

Our group had Daisy for our final assessment, we chose to do portray Daisy in

girly colors, such as pink and white. This is because Daisy is often seen in white and

she is so ditzy we felt pink was a perfect, although stereotypical color for girls. We

chose the song Barbie Girl for our song, because it was reflective of who Daisy is as a

character, I also chose to put the song Material Girl by Madonna because I felt that

this was a good way to sum Daisy up as a character. Daisy is a weak and dumb

character which is why we chose the quotes we did.

There is one point where Daisy shows herstupidity when talking about her

daughter, 'I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can

be in this world, a beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she

went on in a convinced way. This shows how Daisys idea of success is to be a fool

and nothing more.

We also picked the quote where she is telling Gatsby that she loves him, "You

know I love you,." she murmured. This shows that she is foolish and falls in love easily.

One minute she loves Tom and the next she loves Gatsby, it seems that Daisy loves

who ever is paying her attention at the moment.

A final quote we looked at was the description of the death car The "death car."

as the newspapers called it, didn't stop; it came out of the gathering darkness, wavered

tragically for a moment, and then disappeared around the next bend. Michaelis wasn't

even sure of its color - he told the first policeman that it was light green. The other car,

the one going toward New York, came to rest a hundred yards beyond, and its driver

Comment [92]: Im glad you choose these

colors. Sometimes I think of Daisy as pin

other times I really think of her as yellow thoug

Im glad you chose something different than w

we talked about in class. Nice job!

Comment [93]: Why does pink remind youditzy? Many girls that are not ditzy like that co

too

Comment [94]: Glad you make this responimportant to comment in ways that are also abo

being a person in the world J

Comment [95]: You make a lot of really bo

comments here, Im interested to see how you

support them. How does this relate to the idea success?

Comment [96]: I like that you chose two so

I particularly enjoyed Material Girl because I

it showed more about Daisys nature than Barb

Girl. I think a lot of students read Daisy the w

that you did though. Its something that we miwant to explore further in a class discussion.

Comment [97]: Ouch! I think that Daisydefinitely shows something about her character

herebut perhaps your being too hard on her?

Comment [98]: Im all for letting students gwhat they want out of a textbut theres somet

to think aboutHow could Daisy have meant t

a gift for her daughter? What does being a wom

mean in the 1920s? And one final thought, ho

does Toms treatment of Daisy influence her fe

about herself?

Comment [99]: I like that you address this pointing out other evidence in the text (or aroun

it)a good way to avoid losing to defensiveneopportunity to change someones mind.

CHALLENGING and CARINGJ

Comment [100]: This is an interesting take

would love for you to expand your reasoning.

When I read this, I thought about how difficult

must have been for her to choose between a pas

romantic relationship that she thought was goneover withwith her current relationship that w

less than ideal.


16/38

hurried back to where Myrtle Wilson, her life violently extinguished, knelt in the road and

mingled her thick dark blood with the dust. This seems to show how far Daisy has

fallen and how she has been reduced to nothing and in the process she drug Gatsby

down with her, well actually she drove Gatsby below her and used him as a stepping

stone.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 10.5/12=B+

Comments: #6, I think this is strongest reaction anybody had about this novel in our

entire class. Im really glad that you were so open with your opinions, and I dont mind

one bit that they dont match up with mine. With that in mind, I need you to bring more

explanation into your argument to really sell your ideas! I think you have a great start

here!

Comment [101]: This is another really grea

quotation to explain Daisy! Nice job.

Comment [102]: Because this quotation is than four lines, what you would do here is calle



Comment [103]: Does this sound like soma ditzy fool would be capable of doing?

Comment [104]: Well done!CHALLENGING/CARING J


17/38

#7

The Great Gatsby Individual Project

For our Gatsby project, my group decided to use a powerpoint because it was

the easiest and fastest way to do the project. We chose all of the quotes that we did

because we believed it showed Gatsbys attempt at success really well. For instance,

our first quote is about Gatsby staring off across the water, longing for Daisy, and our

last quote is of after Gatsbys death. The beginning shows that Gatsby was trying to be

part of Daisys life and our closing quote showed the outcome of that attempt. We

decided that the color green fit Gatsbys character really well for a couple different

reasons. First, Gatsby is very money driven because he wants to live a life that Daisy

would approve of. Also, green fits in because Gatsby is envious of the life that Daisy

and Tom have. A single green light, minute and faraway, that might have been the end

of a dock. The reason that we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars is that we

thought it represented Gatsbys monetary ambitions to winning Daisys love. "[Gatsby]

wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving

Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return

to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing

was."

The journey that Gatsby went through impacted Daisy because he tried to

interfere with her marriage and ended up making her move away. He brought strain

into her life with Tom, but it is possible to claim that he impacted her in a positive light

because he gave her someone to really love, not just to comfort that Tom offered.

Comment [105]: Haha, I love your honesty

Comment [106]: Try reading this sentenceloud. Is there a better way you can write it so t

your readers can understand what youre trying

say.

Comment [108]: This is right on topic!

Comment [107]: Some students may not hear for this kind of thinghow else might yo

encourage a different phrasing? CLARITY

Comment [109]: Simple words like this hekeep your reader oriented with your thesis. Gr

job!

Can I show this as an example in class?

Comment [110]: Great song choice!

Comment [111]: Im so pleased that you knhow to insert this, may I also show this as an

example in class?

Comment [112]: Remember to Introduce, Iand then Interpret.

Comment [113]: This is a really great poin

Comment [114]: This is a really interestingcomment, can you expand your reaction?

Comment [115]: Why? How? CLARITY?


18/38

Gatsbys story is very sad. It stinks that he spent his whole life trying to get Daisy

and then, right when she was almost his, everything goes wrong. I liked this story a lot.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 7/12=C+

Comments: #7, you did a nice job setting up the foundation for a really great paper. I

love how you thought about Gatsby in a more sympathetic way than was discussed in

class. Also, you did a really good job explaining your feelings about him as a character.

I think you might have gotten a little off topic though. Perhaps keeping the prompt in

front of you and referring back to it while youre writing might help here. Also, you

seemed to forget to explain your color choice and image. To improve your grade, look

back on your organization, explanations, and generally just expand what you have here.

If you would like to talk about your paper and resubmit it for a higher grade, please see

me and well work something out!

Comment [116]: Im so glad you enjoyed ione of my favorite too! (How does this relate t

your thesis though?) Can you rephrase this so

you pertains to Gatsby perhaps?

Comment [117]: CARING/CHALLENGIN

I think its OK to do some abbreviating (CONC

Glad you liked ita fav or mine, too!

Now, explain why?


19/38

#8

Nick

F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsbydepicts the rise and fall of one man, Jay

Gatsby, in the pursuit of love and success. Fitzgerald places the immortal fate of Jay

Gatsby in the hands of an average bond broker from the West, Nick Carraway. Nick

acts as the novels narrator throughout the entire story; he describes and details the

attitudes and moves of Gatsby as well as Tom and Daisy Buchanan. The former soldier

turned businessman attempts to act as a bystander at the beginning of the book by

removing all judgments and acting as a wallflower; however, his account begins to

incorporate more personal judgments as the story progresses. Nick becomes too

caught up in the East way of life; he can no longer separate himself from the story;

therefore he moves back West.

From the very beginning of the novel, the audience is made aware of the

narrators intent to stay unbiased: "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father

gave me some advice that Ive been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you

feel like criticizing any one, he told me, just remember that all the people in this world

havent had the advantages that youve had (1). Nick conveys this message to the

readers on the first page to set the tone for the rest of the book. The audience may

consider his account to be more reliable now that he has addressed the issue of

judgments and biases. However, Nick is only human as the audience witnesses later in

the novel.

As Nick begins to become wrapped up in the glamour and fast pace lifestyle of

the East coast, he begins to lose his partialness. At the very end of the novel, after

Comment [118]: I love this word.

Comment [119]: Like that you note positiv

word choice CARINGJ

Why love? CLARITY

Comment [120]: Phenomenal introduction

Comment [121]: This is outstanding! It cothe back cover of the bookterrific summary o

novel.

Comment [122]: Great use of this quotatio

supporting evidence.

Comment [123]: Partialness means biasiwhat you meant? What I think you meant is th

Nick tries to stay unbiased, but loses that menta

as the novel progresses.


20/38

Gatsby's murder, Nick sees Tom Buchanan out on the street. After remaining quite

neutral throughout the novel regarding his feelings towards others, Nick comments on

his attitude toward Daisy and Tom It was all very careless and confused. They were

careless people, Tom and Daisy they smashed up things and creatures and then

retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept

them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made. . . (120). Nick is

frustrated with the way, Daisy and Tom live their lives, and he does not try and hide his

emotions to the reader. To Tom, however, he remains the same calm cool and

collected Nick, from beginning to end. It is only the reader who knows his true human

emotions.

With out many conflicting schedules, our group chose to do a Power Point

presentation because it was more accessible to every group member than a poster.

Every member could work on the PowerPoint at their convenience. Steve, Megan,

Jeremy, Bob and I choose the color gray to represent Nick. The narrator wavers

through shades of gray as he goes in and out of his judgment of others. He first

attempts to remain an "outsider" and gather the details away from the crowd, but he

becomes a part of the story, and although he remains an outsider, he is too involved

with the characters to not care and pass judgment. Jeremy made a really good

comparison between Nick and a snow flurry. Nick is like snow flurry, he leaves his mark

just as snow peppers the ground. However, once snow has been around for a couple of

weeks, it becomes dirty and gray. Nick is not purely innocent of judgment; he has his

biases and flaws. His judgments are more prevalent as the story continues.

Comment [124]: Again, great use of quotatMay I use this as an example of how to Introdu

Insert, and Interpret?

Comment [125]: Good idea to solicit theseshowing as an example of a smart thing one o

classmates did in this paperJ

Comment [126]: our?

Comment [127]: This was definitely a goochoice considering, great support.

Comment [128]: Very nice support!

Comment [129]: I will definitely remembethese comments for the next time I teach this un

Terrific observations.


21/38

Our group choose the song "I'll be watching You" by Sting and The Police to

further highlight Nick Carraway's job as the narrator of the novel: Every breath you take

and every move you make/Every bond you break/Every step you take, I'll be watching

you/Every single day and every word you say/Every game you play(Police 1983).

The lyrics really emphasize Nick watching the immoral corrupt people of Gatsbys world.

Fitzgerald, F Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1953. Print.

Police. Ill be Watching You. Synchronicity. Hugh Padgham 1983


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 11/12=A-

Comments: #8, your paper started out by far the strongest out of all of your

classmates. I love how you introduced the novel, for readers that might not be familiar

with Fitzgerald, you did a fantastic job. Additionally, the evidence that you provided was

on topic and really insightful. One thing that you forgot to mention was what image you

chose to represent Nick. To take your paper to the next level, I would recommend

writing a conclusion, and making your paragraphs flow more, and supporting some of

your sections with more evidence of your own. Keep up the good work!

Comment [130]: What are MLAs rules abciting this type of source?

Comment [131]: I think you could haveexpanded here a little bit. Why were these lyri

prevalent to Nicks character?


22/38

#9

Final Journal Response

The character that I was assigned to follow throughout the novel was Tom

Buchanan. For our project we decided to use the song I love the way you lie by

Eminem because throughout the novel Tom lied on a consistent basis. He often lied to

his wife Daisy about having an affair with Myrtle, however, he was rather boisterous

about it to other members of the community. We chose the color red and the color grey

as a major color in our presentation as well, because Tom is self absorbed and feels as

though he is the shade of grey. He gets away with things that the average person would

never get away with, to him there is no black and white. Even though its terrible to

cheat on a spouse, he can cheat on his wife with no repercussions. He can flaunt his

money and his power, and talk down to everyone with no repercussions. We felt that the

color red symbolized his passion, and his perpetuity to lie. The term caught red handed

comes to mind with Tom, even if there is no punishment for the crimes that he commits.

The quote I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere

make love to your wife. Well, if that's the idea you can count me out. Because we

thought it was interesting how Tom in the start of the novel cheats on Daisy with Myrtle

and then when he suspects Gatsby is attempting to take Daisy from him he gets mad.

Tom stayed fairly consistent throughout the novel in regard to his idea of success

and just his overall demeanor. He started the novel as a loud, sexist and often racist,

wealthy man that did not care what people thought of him. He ended the novel as that

same man, if anything more full of himself because he got Daisy all to himself and beat

Gatsby. I specifically liked this quote which is said by Nick about Tom, They were

Comment [132]: Great introduction!

Comment [133]: What are the MLA rules f

formatting a song title?

Comment [134]: This is a great example of

Tom lies in the novel!

Comment [135]: It might be a good idea tothis a new paragraph because it is a completely

thought.

Comment [136]: I really like that your grouchose two colors to describe Tom. A lot of peo

see him as red, I like how you took the initiat

try another color to describe him as well.

Comment [137]: Praising risk-taking and a

effort CARING and CHALLENGING J

Comment [138]: colors?

Comment [139]: I really like this interpretCan you support this with more examples?

Comment [140]: This needs a little work aas formatting goes, but your ideas are really

important and I like the effort! We can fix the

formatting no problem, in fact a lot of students

similar problems. Would a writing workshop h

Comment [141]: Good idea for what to do J

Deleted: .


23/38

careless people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then

retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept

them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made. That quote just

basically sums up everything Tom and seemingly Daisy are about throughout the novel.

Tom started out the novel feeling as though that a successful man has a lot of money,

has a lot of power, and can get any girl he wants. He ended the novel this way as well,

hurting Daisy all along the way with how he treated her. Tom affected Daisys character

the most in the story because I feel without Tom treating her the way he did Daisy never

would have wanted to go back to Gatsby. Along with that the fact that Tom had money

and she was living a stable lifestyle also contributed to the choices she made

throughout the novel. Overall, Tom stayed the same from start to finish, and I guess it is

true what they say, nice guys do finish last.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 7/12=B-

Comments: #9, I really enjoyed reading about how you interpreted Toms character. I

think that you supported your groups choices fairly well, and you also included all major

parts of the assignment. I particularly enjoyed how you were able to thread the

quotations into your general argument. To take this paper to the next step, I think you

need to think about the organization of your paper. Remember that relating your

paragraphs first sentences back to the thesis is helpful for your readers. Also, there are

Comment [142]: How might you make thisflow better?

Comment [143]: You have a lot of really gthoughts here. How might you break them up

expand of them?

Comment [144]: Try reading this section oloud, is there a way to make your ideas clearer

your readers?

Comment [145]: This is a wonderfulcomment!how does it apply to Tom in this c

Comment [146]: From your comments, a smight take away expanding adding flow an

applying to the topic as strategies for better

organization

CLARITY J

Comment [147]: Like that you do this for astudents, even those that received the highest gJ


24/38

many sections in this assignment that would work really well if they were in

paragraphs by themselves. You have a good start here, keep up the good work.


25/38

#10

Daisy

Daisys character color is white, which usually means purity and innocence, but

for Daisy white is more of a color of wealth, shallowness, and foolishness. I would call

Daisy a pathetic, cowardly character,because she hides behind her money and allows

Gatsby to take the blame for Myrtles demise.

Daisy has a daughter. In chapter one she says, I hope shell be a foolthats

the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool. Most mothers you know

probably wouldnt speak of their child this way. Daisy seems to have a disinterest in her

daughter; she doesnt speak of the baby often. Daisy seems to be supporting ignorance.

The less women know about the realities of life, and the hardships that can be faced,

the better off women would be. In a way this quote can be very wise, but on the other

hand, ignorance disrupts growth and keeps people oblivious to the realities of life. We

see what good it did for Daisy.

Her shallowness and incapableness of accepting responsibility cost two people

their lives. She knew Tom was cheating on her, but rather than leave the support of his

wealth, she turned into a murderer and killed Myrtle. Arguably she is also responsible

for Gatsbys death. By allowing Gatsby to take the blame for Myrtles death she put him

in danger. Myrtles husband goes in to a fit of jealous rage and revenge and kills Gatsby

for the death of his wife.

Furthermore Daisy does not attend Gatsbys funeral. This makes us question

whether she truly loved him at all. Instead she and Tom move away without leaving any

means of contact in order to avoid the mess they created. The wealthy continue to hide

Comment [148]: I really like how you just

right in to your topic.

Comment [149]: Very nice explanation for

feelings.

Comment [150]: It might be a good idea tosentence before this that shows how it relates to

thesis.

Comment [151]: This is very well supporte

really like this interpretation of Daisy.

One thing you might want to think about it how

1920s were different from today? Are we as refrom 2010 projecting our beliefs on Daisy in an

unfair way?

Comment [152]: It might be a good idea to

sentence before this that shows how it relates to

thesis.

Comment [153]: Where would Daisy havegone? Did she really have a choice but to stay

Tom? Just some food for thought.

Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

Comment [154]: Fitzgerald leaves it up to

reader to decide whether or not Daisy even kneGatsby died, I assume that you feel that she did

How can you make this clearer for your reader


26/38

behind their money rather than take responsibility for their actions. Daisy is a spoiled,

selfish character that doesnt deserve her privileged life.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 9.5/12=B

Comments: #10, you have a really good start here. I enjoyed your interpretation of

Daisy. To take this paper to the next level, I think you should go back and think about

your thesis and how they related to your groups representation of Daisy. Also, you

seemed to have forgotten to mention the song choice, and you only included one

quotation. One way to avoid this in the future is to keep a copy of the prompt at hand

while youre writing your papers. Keep up the good work.

Comment [155]: I like how you summarize

papers thesis.

Comment [156]: What is it about this thatproblematic? Put in terms of the rubric criteria?

thoroughness or debatability?)

CLARITY


27/38

#11

For our group project, we decided to do a PowerPoint with another visual for

Daisy. Our color was pink, because Daisy is a girly girl and we thought it represented

how Fitzgerald characterized her in the novel. We decided to do a PowerPoint because

we thought it would be the best way to show our quotes, color, and song. For our added

visual, we made a Daisy Barbie box with a Barbie inside to show the transformation of

Daisy throughout the novel. We took off some of her clothes one by one in order to

show how she became more amoral throughout the novel. The song we chose was

Barbie Girl by Aqua, to match the Barbie visual.

Daisy and Nicks relationship changed because of how Daisy changed

throughout the novel. In the beginning of the novel, Nick thought that Daisy and Tom

were very classy and sophisticated. Nick did not know anyone else in the city, so he

held onto Daisy and Tom as friends in an unfamiliar city. At the party at Daisy and

Toms house, Nick says to Daisy, You make me feel uncivilized, Daisy (Fitzgerald

11). He says this because the party is more relaxed and laid-back than the ones he is

used to. At the end of the novel, Nick does not like Daisy as much. He tells Gatsby,

Theyre a rotten crowdYoure worth the whole damn bunch put together (Fitzgerald

98). Although Nick started off the novel in awe of everyones lifestyle on East Egg, this

quote shoes that now he has decided that their lifestyle is empty.

Daisy Buchanan undergoes a transformation throughout the novel. She starts off

as a more pure, innocent girl and ends as a woman who is much more provocative and

amoral. Her relationship with Nick is impacted, and he stops seeing her as a woman of

sophistication and instead sees her as a woman of little value.

Comment [157]:Nice introduction!

Comment [158]: I think of Daisy in pastels

very nice choice.

Deleted:

Comment [159]: Great choice, and also a g

explanation.

Comment [160]: Im so glad your group ch

two visual representations!

Comment [161]: Interesting idea, it really s

the progression of her characters changes.

Comment [162]: I think this is a good choidescribe Daisy. How might you explain more

why you chose this song?

Comment [163]: I really like this paragraphhow you choose to depict Daisys character in

group. How might you have expanded your

rationale for choosing these different aspects? how could you smooth out some of the transitio

helps your readers follow your thought patterns

Deleted:

Comment [164]: Daisy was also his cousinyou think this might have impacted his choice t

spend time with her and Tom as well?

Deleted:

Comment [165]: There are some formattinissues here, but many students had the same

problem. Im thinking about doing a writing

workshop, may I use this as an example?

Comment [166]: J

Comment [167]: You did a terrific job with

Ins here!

Comment [168]: Again, nice job with the I

really like your quotation choices.

Comment [169]: Wonderful conclusion! Ireally drives home your point and summarizes

overall ideas!


28/38


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 9/12=B

Comments: #11, you did a wonderful job with this paper! I saw how your group came

to their decisions, you supported yourself very well, and you included all the major parts

of the assignment. To take your paper to the next level, I think it would be a good idea

to expand on many of the ideas you included. Many of which always have a good

foundation. Also, by braking up your first paragraph into separate parts, your readers

might understand more about why you chose which parts and why. Keep up the good

work!


29/38

#12

The GREAT Gatsby?!

Throughout The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, there are many times

where we dont know if what Gatsby telling us is sincere. In the beginning of the book, it

was easy to trust Gatsby as a character because we had no reason to believe that he

was lying. The only reason we did get a feeling skepticism from him is because he was

presented in an extremely peculiar, mysterious way. As the novel progressed, Gatsby

became this ambiguous character who represented desire for Daisy, a connection with

money and many reasons to associate him with the colorgreen.

Gatsby is not only associated with green because it is the color of money, but it is

also the color of envy. Throughout the entire book Gatsby displays feelings of jealousy

towards Tom and Daisy, wishing that he was by Daisys side instead of Toms. It is the

green light on the opposing side of the dock that lets us know what it is that Gatsby

actually desires after. He lusts after a fulfilled life with a woman that he loves, but finds it

hard to position himself in the right ways to alieve him of his lovesickness.

A quote that really stuck out to me about Gatsby dealt with the green light and

what it symbolized: Involuntarily I glanced seaward and distinguished nothing except

a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock.

When I looked once more for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the

unquiet darkness (Fitzgerald 20). Although this quote is said by Nick, it tells us a lot

about the character of Gatsby. It portrays his mysterious side, while also incorporating

the green light and Gatsbys desires that have to deal with Daisy and the quest after a

successful life.

Comment [170]: I really love this title! I tyoure the only student that did a title like this,

awesome job thinking outside of the box!

Comment [171]: CARING J

Formatted: Font:Not Italic, Underline

Comment [172]: Try reading this out loud.

might you make your ideas more clear for your

readers?

Comment [173]: What I think you meant wfeeling of skepticism or we begin to feel skep

about him because,,,maybe?

Comment [174]: Like that you provide twochoicesstill leaves the decision up to the stud

but models possibilities

CHALLENGING/CLARITY

Comment [175]: I dont think the quotationnecessary here. But, Im really glad your grou

chose the color green! Nice job!

Comment [176]: I love how you relate bacthe last sentence from the paragraph above! M

use this as an example in class?

Comment [177]: What textual support is thfor this statement?

Comment [178]: Did you mean alleviate h

Comment [179]: I usually use a key like Wword choicethen students can look up the wo

and realize that this one doesnt exist in this for

And it saves you time.

CONCISE

Comment [180]: How might you introduce

section of your paper so that it relates back to y

thesis?

Comment [181]: There are some formattinissues here, but many students had the same

problem. Im thinking about doing a writing

workshop, may I use this as an example?

Comment [182]: Great support!


30/38


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 8/12=B-

Comments: #12, you have a really great start here. I think what you might want to do

in the future, is keep a copy of the prompt close by while youre writing so you dont

forget to include part of the requirements. The parts that you did remember to include

though turned out really well. You have a fair amount of support for most of your

claims, but expanding your ideas might be a good idea to helps your readers follow your

thought patterns. Also, read over what you have a think about how you might organize

your ideas in way that helps prove your main points. Keep up the good work!


31/38

#13

We chose PowerPoint because it let us work on our parts separately and put it all

together at the end. It also let us put our music right in the slide show, which was

convenient. We chose grey for Nicks color because it is neutral, like Nick, who is an

observer who rarely acts. It also shows how he sometimes contradicts himself, like

when he promises not to judge people, but does, or when he says he never liked

Gatsby at the end. This is also why we chose The Polices Ill Be Watching You.

I think Nicks most important relationship is with Gatsby. Nick is one of the few

characters to see Gatsby with his guard down, instead of just acting like a playboy. This

is partially because he observes him without Gatsbys knowledge and partially because

Gatsby opens up to him somewhat. The first case happens at the end of chapter one

when he sees Gatsby but doesnt call out to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that

he was content to be alone- he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a

curious way, and far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. This

quote shows how Nick can be an inactive observer since he does not call out, but also

shows how he knows Gatsby better than other characters, since most of them could not

imagine him looking across the water trembling at a tiny spot of light.

The other quote I chose is after Gatsbys death,And as I sat there brooding on

the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green

light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his

dream must have seemed so close he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that

it was already behind him, somewhere back in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where

the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night." This shows how Nick realized

Comment [183]: How might you start thisparagraph different so that your reader isnt

automatically asking the question who is we?

Deleted: Powerpoint

Comment [184]: Great reasons for choosin

PowerPoint as your medium.

Comment [185]: Awesome choice!

Comment [186]: I think this was a terrific

choice! Nice job!

Comment [187]: These were all really greachoices. How might you expand on your reaso

here? Also, how might you relate your choices

to your thesis? Perhaps making each section h

own paragraph might help =)

Comment [188]: This should probably be

considering poor Gatsby is deceased.

Comment [189]: This is a really great poin


Comment [191]: Whoa there, can you supp

this claim? Gatsby really only shows affectionDaisy, so how did you jump to this conclusion?

Comment [192]: This is a really interestingpoint. I love how you used textual evidence, b

does it really support what you claim it does?

Gatsby doesnt let his guard down intentionally

Nick, Nick just happens to see him while hes d

this. (Nicks kinda a creeper huh?)

Comment [193]: Although this may seem lunnecessary transition, I think this is really

important! I love how you guide your readers

your next point with these orienting words.

May I use this as an example in class?

Comment [194]: Love how you phrase thisstrategy for students to rememberJ

Comment [195]: Because this quotation is than four lines, what you would do here is calle




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what Gatsby wants better than other characters, and also how Nick himself understood

that success is difficult for us to recognize.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 7.5/12=B-

Comments: #13, you did a really great job starting off this paper! I can tell that you

were paying close attention to the prompts requirements. One way that you can really

improve your paper is by expanding what you already have here. Also, remember that

the first sentence of each paragraph needs to relate back to your thesis. This will help

with organizing your thoughts. Keep up the good work!

Comment [196]: Very nice conclusion.


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#14

My group got Daisy as our character to describe. We had to choose colors to

represent her so we went with the colors pink and white. Pink because she is typical girl

who loves pink and white because she is pure. We had to choose a song too so we

chose Barbie Girl because she acts likea stupid Barbie during the book. She is a dumb

character who acts like a plastic Barbie which is why I chose the upcoming quotes.

I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be

in this world, a beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she

went on in a convinced way. This is a quote I chose because it shows that Daisy thinks

that the only way a girl can survive in the world is if she is dumb and beautiful. It shows

that she does not want to grow as a person.

"You know I love you,." she murmured. This shows that Daisy is foolish because

she does not even know herself. She falls in and out of love too eaily and never shows

a stable character.

Daisy does not grow as a character in this book. She stays foolish throughout the

entire book not caring about anyone else but herself. She believes that the world is

easier if one is nieve, and not taking any resbonsibilities .


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 4/12=C-

Comment [197]:Nice introduction to your

Comment [198]: These are both very goodchoices to describe Daisy. I always think of he

pastels.

Comment [199]: You did a very nice job

supporting your color choices here, nice job!

Deleted: .

Comment [200]: What are the MLA forma

requirements for song titles?

I wish youd mentioned your groups other song

choice, I think Madonna gave Daisy more justiperhaps than Aqua did.

Comment [201]: This would be a great waystart the next paragraph =)

Comment [202]: How can you expand on tinterpretations?

Comment [203]: This is a little much for oparagraph. A good idea might be to separate e

section into separate paragraphs and explain in

detail why your group choose these particular w

to describe Daisy over others.

Deleted: `

Comment [204]: It might be a good idea toread for silly mistakes like these. Also, dont f

to use your resources like spell check and gram

check. Usually is will pick up on these commo

typos.

Comment [205]: Oh no! Remem ber the#14.

Comment [206]: Another thing you can dochange the font or read your paper out loud. D

feel bad though, even I make these types of mis

because Im just typing faster than my brain can

think! ;)

Comment [207]: CARING J

Comment [208]: See comment 156 and 15


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Comments: #14, you have a really good basis for a good paper here. One way you

can improve this paper is to think about your audience while youre writing. Making

each new thought into its own paragraph and explaining your groups choices in more

detail will help too. Also, the quotations that you chose were very good, but you forgot

about the 3Ins. If you go back and expand on this area, and throughout your paper, I

think you can really bring up your grade. If youd like to resubmit your paper, please

see me sometime this week and well talk about this some more. Comment [209]: CHALLENGING/CARIN


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#15

Nick Carraway, the narrator of The Great Gatsby, is a character that claims to

reserve judgment in retelling the events that occur throughout F. Scott Fitzgeralds

novel, as well as, his descriptions of all other characters in the story. The reader should

not assume that Carraways character is going to be successful in providing

unprejudiced commentary, during his role as the narrator. However, his telling of what

occurs during Gatsbymakes his character seem like an unbiased voice for the audience

to experience the story from. There is textual evidence throughout Gatsbythat the

narratordoes in fact does judge the characters negatively, that are considered to be

living the American dream, during the 1920s.

In the opening chapter, Nick Carraways character introduces himself as a fairly

educated man in his late-twenties that grew up around good morals. He expresses this

to the reader in bringing up advice that his father once gave him; Whenever you feel

like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world

haven't had the advantages that you've had (1). By bringing up this value that he had

acquired while growing up, Carraway makes it apparent that his strides to be unbiased,

which makes him like a character that should be trusted overall. Furthermore, the tone

in how he introduces himself as the narrator during these opening pages can make him

seem like an overall modest, good-natured character for the reader to hear the story

from.

The audience can see that Nick Carraway often provides an unbiased

commentary about the events occurring in much of Fitzgeralds novel, but it becomes

apparent later in telling his story that he does not uphold this promise. The protagonist,

Formatted: Font:Not Italic, Underline

Comment [210]: Oops, I think I know whamean, but it might be a good idea for clarify wh

you were trying to say here for your readers.

Comment [211]: Terrific introduction! Asreader I know who youre going to be talking a

whatyoure going to be saying about them, and

where you got this information from!

Comment [212]: This is a wonderful transi

May I use this for an in class example?

Comment [213]: I think I know what your

trying to say here, but what if you rephrased thibit to make your point clearer?

Comment [214]: I often find it hard to explwhat I mean by rephraseis it word choice?

order? CLARITY

Comment [215]: You did a really great jobIntroducing, Inserting, and then Interpreting he

Comment [216]: You change back and fortbetween calling your character Nick, Carraway

just Carraway. After you introduce Nick once

Nick Carraway, its okay to just call him Nick f

remainder of the paper.

Comment [217]: This is a really great trans

and orients your reader that youre now going t

about how Nick has changed!


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Jay Gatsby, a character who has both positive and negative attributes, becomes a

character that Nick, as the narrator, begins to express sympathy towards. This is most

evident during the last time Nick and Gatsbys characters share dialogue together.

During this time, Gatsbys character, one that is portrayed as extremely affluent and

successful, becomes unsuccessful in obtaining the only thing he cares about; a second

chance with an old lover, Daisy. Given the circumstances, Nick finally shows bias to

Gatsbys character compared to all the other characters in the novel; Theyre a rotten

crowd, I shouted across the lawn. Youre worth the whole damn bunch put together.

(164). This quote proves that Nicks experiences throughout the novel have caused his

character to be bias about the powerful, affluent people that were living the American

dream, throughout the roaring twenties.

Much that occurs during The Great Gatsbyis quite dramatic, and therefore

makes the narrators job of being a neutral storyteller an impossible task. By the end of

the novel, it is apparent that, Nick Carraways character has gone against the unbiased

narrator that he wanted to be in the first pages. Furthermore, it provides evidence that

Nicks story and experience of all that occurs in The Great Gatsbyevidently changes his

perception of people as a whole.

During one his final remarks concerning the affluent family of Tom and Daisy

Buchanan, Nick shows that he has become a judgmental narrator, They were careless

people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back

into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together,

and let other people clean up the mess they had made (191). By the ending of the

novel, Nick seems like he judges the extremely affluent class of American society,

Comment [218]: Does Nick only showsympathy for Nick as a narrator?

Comment [219]: Is this the only proof that shows for favoring Gatsby?

Comment [220]: This is another really greatransition.

Comment [221]: Like that you find somethpraise consistently in this piece J

Comment [222]: Very nice support for you

thesis.

Comment [223]: Once again, great transiti

Comment [224]: Im really glad you chose

quotation!


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negatively. With the characters of Tom and Daisy being the scapegoat, Nicks view

these people make him seem like he has grown from his experiences in order to

become a more skeptical, yet stronger person.


Organization X

Evidence X

Readability X

Grade: 12/12=A

Comments: #15, this is a fantastic paper! Im so impressed with how you defended

your groups choices of how Nick progressed throughout the novel. The way that you

explained your quotations were really insightful. I can tell you put a lot of time into this.

If you would like to take your writing even further, I suggest going beyond the prompt

and just adding more textual evidence to support your thesis. Thank you for all your

hard work. May I use this paper in the future as an example when I teach this unit? Comment [225]: CARING/CHALLENGIN

Im impressed that you maintained the same de

CARING, CHALLENGING, CLEAR, and

CONCISE feedback down to the last paperJ

Your students are lucky to have a teacher whos

voice comes through so clearly as a person

responding to their workJ


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#16


Organization

Evidence

Readability

Grade:

Comments:

#17


Organization

Evidence

Readability

Grade:

Comments:

#18


Organization

Evidence

Readability

Grade:

Comments:

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