Croydon U3A Magazine

Spring 2017

The Third Age Trust

(Operating as the University of the Third Age) Croydon U3A Reg. Charity No. 102946612

Website address www.u3asites.org.uk/croydon

Table of Contents Editorial Chairman’s message Reports from General Meetings:

Christopher Wren Mad Musicians ... History of Christmas Wiggly Wild Show The Bizarre World of the Kims Tanzania Development Trust

Groups: Natural History Museum Visit Eating Out with U3A English Novel Group Painting for Pleasure Group Theatregoers Group Wildflower Group Household Cavalry U3A Friday walkers

Creative Writing: Short Story: ‘Security’

Apology/correction Short break in Bruges My Grandmother and others Topless Towers U3A: The Founder and why it is important for Croydon Viva Mexico How the Huntsman came to Croydon Sharing your home with a pet Topless Towers (the answers)

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3 3 - 4 4 - 6 6 - 7 7 – 8 8 - 10

10 - 11 11 – 13

13 14

14 - 15 15 15

16 - 17

17 - 19 19

20 - 21 21 - 24 24 - 25

26 27 - 28 28 -29

30 31

Cover Picture – Painter at work in Park Lane

Photo by Barbara Lister

Editorial

When you are guilty of a ‘senior moment’ do you, like me, go through the phases of annoyance and incredulity, followed by a resolve not to commit such a folly again? Such was my experience on a pre-Christmas visit to see a 90 year old lady who used to work with me.

She lives in Palmers Green. I got a train from Coulsdon South, intending to change to the Overground for Highbury and Islington where I would get a train to Palmers Green. Some gremlin in my brain led me to change prematurely to the Overground at Norwood Junction. As the train made its leisurely way, stopping at Anerley, Penge, Sydenham etc, it gradually dawned on me that I should have stayed on the Southern train till New Cross Gate, as I had indeed planned until the gremlin got to work. I could see I was going to be late. I tried to ring her, without success. I was relieved to find I was only half an hour late and she had not given me up.

What about sharing one of your senior moments with us? We can all sympathise.

A small blue iris (iris unguicularis), on the south facing front of our house, has flowered without fail during the winter and early spring, until this winter. The first bloom did not appear till the end of January. Had it given up, I wondered? Now it is making up for lost time, with twenty blooms in one of the three clumps. I wonder if other members have had the same experience?

I am grateful – as I’m sure we all are – for the contributions to this issue. The deadline for contributions to the Summer issue will be 14 June.

Gordon Thynne

Picture: Iris unguicularis (Wikipedia)

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Chairman's Message

As rays of sunshine break through the clouds and pockets of buds burst into flower in our gardens and woodlands, I have a feeling of hope and continued regeneration for Croydon U3A.

We have settled into the Masonic Hall for our General Meetings, and members enjoy the refreshments when entering and the opportunity to sit and talk to others before going into the main hall. As a Committee, we appreciate the resources which are provided and, thanks to Sally Bitten, our Speakers’ Secretary, we are having some informative and very interesting talks.

Our new Committee members are having a positive impact and some exciting and unusual events lie ahead of us for the celebration of our 30th birthday.

While new groups are being created, the usual holiday and outings are taking place but we also have a new venture in the Short Break to Porto in June. We are not standing still but moving forward in different directions, as our numbers expand to 700 and are looking forward to the Summer Activities.

Looking beyond our own boundaries, links with other U3A groups and networks are being established, while the help and support we receive from Croydon Council enables us to keep in touch and be part of the regeneration of Croydon itself.

Remember: LEARN, LAUGH, LIVE and LISTEN together.

Brenda Kidd

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Reports from General Meetings

Christopher Wren’s London The Man and his Architecture

Following the AGM, Ian McCannah gave a talk about Sir Christopher Wren and his architecture, particularly in London. First he took us through the architectural styles that influenced his own style.

After the Great Fire of London Wren was asked by Charles II to redesign and oversee the rebuilding of the City. Wren’s great plan was thwarted because property owners in the city began rebuilding their own property almost immediately, following the original medieval street plan.

Wren did, however, design many of the churches which replaced those destroyed by the fire. Most notably his masterpiece, St Paul’s Cathedral. The old gothic cathedral had been in a bad state of repair even before the fire. Wren’s design was controversial at the time as many Puritans thought it too like the Catholic cathedrals in Europe, especially St Peter’s in Rome.

Most of his work used simple materials: Portland stone, red brick and clear windows rather than stained glass.

Although his vision for London was not achieved, he nevertheless had a greater impact on the City than any architect before or since.

John Sanford

Mad Musicians and Crazy Dancers

At the November General Meeting Alan Haines lived up to his claim of ‘Unique Guest Speaker’. He began with two ‘warm-up’ jokes.

His wife had asked him to buy a tin of paint. As he was coming through Purley, he stopped and asked someone if there was B & Q in Purley. ‘No’ was the answer, ‘it’s P…U…R…L…E…Y’.

Alan said he knew only 25 letters of the alphabet – he didn’t know why.

Part of his ‘act’ was conjuring with golf balls, pieces of string and cards. He proved his thesis that the hands are quicker than the eyes. He had us mystified, including the two co-opted members of the audience.

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The rest of the show was old film with interposing cartoons by himself and with ‘dubbed’ music. There was much zany tap-dancing, including Ray Bolger who made his name as the Strawman in the ‘Wizard of Oz’. Amongst the highlights was Rose, an athletic dancer who gripped the top of a dining room chair in her teeth and whirled it round. Another was Bernard Herman, a ballet dancer who became a successful wrestler. He wore dancing pumps, and cavorted in such a way as to bamboozle his opponent.

Bands included one entirely of xylophones, and the Harmonica Rascals whose buffoonery you can see on a clip on their website

Alan’s performance was much appreciated.

G. T.

A Celebratory History of Christmas

On 13th December Andy Thomas told the General Meeting about the history of many of the Christmas traditions.

He started with the pre-historic mid-winter importance of the solstice, shown in the alignment of Stonehenge for the mid-winter sunrise. The solstice (meaning ‘sun stands still’) was also celebrated in a popular Roman festival, Saturnalia (17th – 23rd December), which featured feasting, drinking, gift-giving and satiric ‘misrule’ when slaves dined with their masters, or parties listened to recitation of lampoons. The choice of December 25th for Christmas may have been made by the early church as a substitute. These pre-Christian roots brought celebration of lights and decoration of homes with evergreens to the traditional celebrations.

There are also Norse elements reflected in the words Yule and Wassail – from ‘Was hael’ meaning ‘be in good health’. Wassailing in medieval celebrations gave a chance for poorer members of the community to raise a little money; and wealthier citizens would save for this, breaking open their ‘boxes’ on St Stephen’s Day.

The misrule element of festivities developed into folk-drama forms like the Mummers, who had to be paid to go away.

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These were all-male troupes, but cross-dressing was part of the fun, later developing into the principal boy and dame of pantomime.

The English Civil War led to puritan rule and a dim view of all the ungodly aspects which had attached to Christmas. Oliver Cromwell described carols as filth and in 1647 Parliament banned Christmas. Only those elements which had a firm biblical basis were allowed. From this era comes the nonsense song, ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’, possibly hiding the calendar of saints’ days which had been an important part of the Catholic Christmas.

In England the ban caused riots and was short-lived, Christmas returning with the Restoration. In Scotland, however, the Calvinists led by John Knox also banned Christmas from 1580. The result was the creation of secular traditions of Hogmanay and Burn’s Night. Christmas Day did not become a public holiday in Scotland till 1958.

The Industrial Revolution saw population growth and migration to the growing industrial towns. Social ties were affected and richer people started to be unwilling to carry on traditions like Boxing Day. In ‘A Christmas Carol’, Dickens satirised them in Ebenezer Scrooge and pressed the idea of keeping Christmas as a season of goodwill.

The first Christmas card was sent in 1843.

When Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, the Royal family started having a Christmas tree, reflecting the traditions in his native Germany.

This was publicised in the Illustrated London News and became fashionable.

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Andy amused the meeting with some extraordinary examples of Christmas commercialism from the 1950s, with attempts to sell Hoovers and Camel cigarettes! He also burst into song with enduring Christmas number ones. The most popular of these he said is ‘Fairytale of New York’, which was sung by Kirsty McColl and Shane MacGowan. In thanking Andy, Brenda mentioned that Croydon U3A has members who had taught Kirsty as a schoolgirl.

Barbara Lister

Wiggly Wild Show

At the General Meeting on 11 January, Cairis Hickey, sporting a bush helmet, brought us to close quarters with some of the strange creatures to be found in the South American rain forest. She had visited Ecuador and Peru and had experienced the intense humidity of the forest, where washed clothes never dry, and you are always sweating. Another of the trials of living in the forest is the ants. A fellow traveller, bitten by a Conger ant, said the effects were worse than childbirth. Cairis had with her a tribal blowpipe with which she aimed a dart at a celebratory Croydon U3A 30th anniversary balloon. The latter had no chance!

A feature of the forest is that it is dark, with so many leaves blocking the sunlight. Consequently, creatures have developed other means than sight for searching for prey – smell and large antennae, for example.

None of the species she displayed, though, had come straight from those countries. Some of the specimens handed around were dead – encased in transparent blocks. They included a giant centipede, the shed skin of a tarantula, scorpions, a beautiful Giant Flower Beetle. Cairis went around the meeting, allowing those who wished to stroke a live millipede, a giant snail, a black and white Corn snake and a gecko. (Did you know that geckos have no eyelids, and lick their eyes with their tongues?)

Passed around in specimen bottles were a giant stick insect (called Jiminy), a young toad, a scorpion which glowed blue when illuminated by an ultra violet torch, and others.

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Cairis then resorted to party tricks. The gecko jumped from her hand on to the bush helmet bravely worn by Joy Ellery, and a streamer of cards joined with string was spread out to show the immense length of a python, which can eat a crocodile.

She said she had about 20 different types of ‘animal’.

G.T.

The Bizarre World of the Kims

Nicholas Bennett, a Beckenham Council member and former Welsh Office Minister, told the General Meeting on 8th February about his travels in North Korea. He had visited the country three times (out of a curiosity about the peculiar).

On his first two visits Nicholas went on general tours but his third visit was on a rail enthusiasts’ trip. This had involved a 10 day journey from Bromley South to Korea via the Tran-Siberian Railway. Travelling around North Korea by train gave better opportunities for photographs as it was easier to evade the constant supervision which is a feature of foreigners’ access to the country. All visits are in groups, which are taken to places not on tourist itineraries in the West, eg hospitals, maternity units, orphanages, schools, fertiliser factories, together with musical concerts.

Nicholas outlined the modern history of North Korea; explaining that the Korean Empire had existed through the 19th Century until 1910 when it was annexed by Japan. In 1945 it was liberated at the end of the Second World War. The Russian zone, north of the 49th parallel, came under the communist rule of Kim Il-Sung in 1946, since when it has been ruled by a ‘communist monarchy’ for three generations. Nicholas said that the régime gives credit for the liberation to Kim Il-Sung though he was in Russia at the time and returned on an armoured train, which is today preserved, like many sites memorialised as visited by the Kims.

Kim Jong-Il succeeded his father in 1995 and ruled until his death in 2011, when his second son Kim Jong-Un became the ruler. Kim Jong-Un has some resemblance to his grandfather and has a rather dated haircut to emphasise this.

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Nicholas mentioned the ruthless grip on power which Kim Jong-Un exercises even within his family, having his uncle – at the time the Defence Minister – dragged from a meeting and shot.

The Kims have ruled through a cult of personality and there are statues throughout the country to them. Nicholas had refused to bow to these and felt strongly about other outsiders who did, as this was not required. The reverence accorded the leader is shown by photos of him surrounded by officials with notepads to take down his ‘on the spot guidance’.

He instanced the way the regime attempts to control the impressions that inhabitants gain of the outside world, including:

* English language lessons with no reference to the cultures of English-speaking countries

Army conscription at 18

A state-run intranet (no internet access)

State media with just one television channel

The administration of ‘correction’ to a guide who had accepted a copy of the fashion magazine, ‘Marie-Claire’, from a visitor

Severe restrictions on photography (up to wiping a camera sim card, though it proved possible to restore images later)

A large proportion of the national budget goes to the armed forces, which constitute a labour force. A quarter of a million people are reckoned to be in concentration camps.

Asked if he would go again, Nicholas said he would do so only if the country was opened up.

Barbara Lister

Tanzania Development Trust

At the General Meeting on 8 March Ann and Julian Marcus, who are members of the Croydon U3A, gave us an insight into the many ways in which this Trust, set up in 1975, helps improve the lives of poor people in the rural areas of Tanzania. (Julian is a former chairman of the Trust.) The country is bigger than France, the UK, Belgium, the Netherlands and Ireland combined.

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The Trust is run by volunteers, with all contributions ploughed into projects. There are 30-40 of these a year, mostly small but life-changing. They include water boreholes, sanitation, healthcare and education.

A graph showed how employability rises with each stage of education achieved. Children and young people are desperate to learn, appreciating the advantages of education. As a former headmaster, Julian commented that compared with British schoolchildren, they are exceptionally well behaved.

Examples were given of larger projects in which Trust collaborates with other bodies. Such is a dispensary project for Matongo Village, in a remote location. (A ‘dispensary’ provides basic health care, including a maternity ward and a baby clinic.) Rain harvesting from the roof will provide a clean water supply, solar power will provide lighting and refrigeration for vaccines. The nearest health centre is 15 kilometres away, over the hills. This project has yet to be completed.

Education is the key to economic and social progress, so investment in schools (more classrooms, libraries, lab and sports equipment and laptops for example) is vital. The British Space Agency has facilitated broadband access.

Safe access to clean water is another vital area. This was illustrated by the construction of a borehole to replace former dependence on water from a river infested with crocodiles – where one man was lucky not to lose an arm.

Another area of investment is combating female genital mutilation (FGM). The custom, affecting girls between primary and secondary stages of education, is not widespread across the country, but is endemic in certain areas. It is illegal, and is a tribal, not a religious, custom. Though practised by only 5 of the 126 tribes, it is nevertheless a blight on the lives of many women.

An example of the Trust’s work is a Safe House to which young girls can go for sanctuary. A Dutch Foundation provides sewing machines to girls whose families have given guarantees that they will refrain from FGM and are willing for their daughters to return to them.

The Trust has also been involved in projects to help ‘albinos’ who usually suffer from blindness; in vocational training and in promotion of Women’s’ Business Projects.

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The range of help given to Tanzania was impressive. Ann and Julian had recently been out there. A stall at the back of the Hall showed an array of garments and handicrafts, brought back for sale to raise funds.

For more information about the Trust, and to make donations, visit the website, www.TanzDevTrust.org.

G.T.

Groups

A Visit to the Natural History Museum, Palaeontology Collections by the ‘Historic Visits’ Group (formerly

Archaeology Group)

At our annual planning meeting in December, a member of the Group suggested that a visit behind the scenes to the collections in the Palaeontology Department at the Natural History Museum would be interesting! As I’ve been a volunteer there one day a week for the past 10 years, I felt I should offer to organize this. The specialities I chose were Invertebrates, the historic William Smith Collection, Anthropology and Fish.

On the morning of Thursday 9th February, seven of us made our way to our first location – the Invertebrates Department. My current supervisor, with whom I’ve worked for several years, displayed and explained some of the specimens I had chosen among the graptolites, sponges, trilobites and ammonites, and finally unlocked a few treasured special insects in amber. I chose to begin in this area as these are fossils of some of Earth’s earliest marine creatures.

Next we moved on to a display and talk about the William Smith Collection. He drew the first geological map of Great Britain in 1815, and his amazing collection encompasses the fossils from which he identified the strata. (‘The Map that Changed the World’, by Simon Winchester, tells the fascinating story of William Smith’s life.)

Following lunch, the anthropologists showed us specimens from two collections: some of the bones from excavations of the Medieval mass burial at Spitalfields, and some ancient remains from caves in Somerset.

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The final visit was to the Fish Collections, where we were shown some of the most interesting specimens, large and small, unusual and unknown (to us).

We were very grateful to everyone who had put so much effort into making this such an interesting and informative day. We made our way home a little more knowledgeable about some of what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ of the Museum.

Jenny Parry

Eating Out with U3A

Eighteen months ago, Croydon U3A started a group called ‘Adventurous and International Dining’, to meet once a month for Sunday lunch at a local restaurant. The idea was very popular, and Pauline and I were unlucky in the ballot for places. However, we were kindly invited to join the Group one Sunday when they had a few absentees, and from that, it was decided that we should set up a second group, based on the waiting list held by the first one.

We soon established a membership of ten, which we considered a workable maximum for sitting round a table sociably. In January, we had our first Sunday lunch at Karnavar, an Indian restaurant with a difference, in South End, Croydon’s ‘restaurant quarter’. There we enjoyed a multi-course brunch, with a range of buffet starters, then a series of nicely spiced delicacies brought to the table, presented beautifully. This is clearly a restaurant with ambition; nominally Indian, but no sign of Chicken Tikka Masala. The meal was excellent, the company good, and we went on from there, picking up on recommendations from some members, trying a few shots in the dark.

Cote D’Azur, a Mauritian restaurant in Croydon, was our second outing. We had a good meal with French and Creole overtones; curiously, the menu did not include any starters, but my lightly sauced main course, Red Snapper, was a revelation. Most of went home pleased, although subsequently we have heard mixed reports of this establishment.

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Pauline and I have taken to casing restaurants for Sunday lunch, with a view to recommending them to the Group. Well, somebody has to do it! On this basis, we discovered a brilliant Italian restaurant at Gypsy Hill (Manuel’s) where they carved our meat at the table with great theatricality. Attentive service, very good cooking (Giant prawns, Baby artichokes, Sunday joints and other things on offer as well), no pizza in sight and a lovely dessert – Panetone Bread and Butter pudding. It was crowded (we went on Mothers’ Day), and on the slow side, but this is one to return to.

However, we decided against taking the group to ‘Yak and Yeti’, a Nepalese restaurant at Crystal Palace. Starters were fine, but the main course was not. Instead we recommended Ghurkas in Balham, a short walk from the station. Here, the food was individually prepared, beautifully presented, and full of flavour. Apparently, it is a restaurant where Michel Roux takes his family on his days off. It was my personal choice of restaurant of the year.

We have also been to Tre Fratelli in South End for tasty Italian cooking, Manatah, a modest but good Thai restaurant at Norwood Junction, and The Hideaway in Streatham, where Sunday lunch is accompanied by top class live jazz – all greatly enjoyed.

At the bottom of our road in Norbury, the newcomer Karachi Cuisine was also very good – we thought that the fact we were almost the only Europeans in there said a lot about the authenticity of the Pakistani cuisine.

However, our two restaurants of the year (each selected by seven members of the group) were Chez Vous in Warlingham and Sea Salt in Beckenham. Sea Salt is a fish restaurant but with plenty on offer for those who prefer meat. The Sunday roast is traditionally English, but the extensive a la carte menu offers a wide choice, and I enjoyed a trout fillet with mustard sauce in elegant surroundings. We plan to return there during 2017.

Chez Vous is high-end French, where we enjoyed VIP service and excellent food. The set Sunday lunch is very reasonably priced. It is more Gallic than English with for example rôti de bœuf sauce béarnaise and potato dauphinoise without the ubiquitous Yorkshire pud. This was the one restaurant where we made a second visit within the year.

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It has been good to discover that Croydon is not such a desert in restaurant terms as – I confess – we had first feared. However, we are all fit and able, and have decided not to restrict ourselves to the Borough as long as the journey is feasible.

Our plans for 2017 include Com Viet (Vietnamese) Covent Garden, Albert’s Table (Fine dining) Croydon, Gratarel (Romanian) Kennington and Aurienna Cookhouse (Caribbean) on Wandsworth High Street, some of which we have yet to put to the test.

We now have twelve members – most months there are three or four who can’t make it – and so there are no vacancies at the moment.

John Bartholomew

English Novel Group

During the past year the English Novel Group has had interesting discussions about, amongst others, ‘The Rainbow’ by D H Lawrence, ‘me before you’ by Jo Jo Moyes, and ‘The Professor’ by Charlotte Brontë. Mary Shelley’s ‘Frankenstein’ was a ‘Marmite’ sort of book, but ‘The Rescue Man’ by Anthony Quinn was very well received.

The Group meets in the very comfortable surroundings of Mildred Court. We meet on the third Wednesday of each month at 2pm. Our discussions are quite lively, and we would welcome some new input. The books we read are modern and classic alternately throughout the year.

All the books on this year’s programme are from library reading group lists, and we will

have six copies available. If you love reading, do get in touch. We hope to see some of you soon.

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Painting for Pleasure Group

Do you enjoy painting? Does the following sound familiar? You wake up and think that today you will start that painting you have been thinking about. After breakfast your plan begins to go wrong. You realise that you need some more milk, so a trip to the shop becomes necessary. Coming home, you see some rubbish blowing about in the front garden, so that needs to be cleared away. You arrive in the kitchen, put the shopping away and decide to have a cup of coffee. Then the phone goes … and so on and so on. By the end of the day the painting still hasn’t been started and you know that this sort of day will happen again and again. Will you ever get around to painting that picture?

Joining a group to paint each week is a brilliant way to overcome this block to your artistic activity. The U3A Painting for Pleasure Group meets every Thursday morning during term-time and they PAINT. They take a short break for coffee and have a chat about the painting they are working on but then return to PAINT.

Theatregoers Group

I’m hoping to re-launch the Musicals Group to take in plays as well, and as an ‘umbrella’ for a sub-group for those interested in ballet and opera.

My proposal would be to meet at 11am at East Croydon station, as before, and to travel to Leicester Square Ticket Booth to purchase tickets for a matinée for that day, and then have lunch together. As the tickets can be costly, even at reduced prices, I thought we could choose a play once month and a musical the next. I would suggest we choose the 4th Wednesday or Thursday (depending which day has the matinée for our chosen theatre) unless of course that clashes with too many other Groups.

As tickets for ballet and opera cannot usually be obtained in this way, and need to be ordered and paid for in advance, we could be a meeting place for those interested to gather and organise their outings themselves.

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If this appeals to you, please contact me. We can then arrange to meet at my home in Addiscombe or at a central Croydon café to choose the first few musicals and plays to visit.

Marilyn Loader

Wildflower Group

The first outing of the year for the Wildflower Group will be on 24th of April.

If you would like more information and to receive the programme for 2017 please ring Shirley Shephard.

Household Cavalry

On 27 February twelve members of the Looking at London (South Croydon) Group visited the Horse Guards in Whitehall. We were in time to witness the changing of the guard. The men and horses were wonderful to watch – such magnificent uniforms, and the condition of the huge, black horses was a sight to see.

We then paid the £5 entry to the Household Cavalry Museum. It covered the whole period from formation of the Cavalry (in 1660) to the mechanical unit they are today. There was so much interesting information, and so many photographs and artefacts.

An extra treat was being able to see into a section of the stables where soldiers were unsaddling their horses, having just come off guard duty at the front of Horse Guards.

An excellent visit – followed by a pleasant lunch at Wetherspoons, along Whitehall.

Patricia Wright

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U3A Friday walkers

The Friday walking group, some of whom are pictured here, is a small, friendly bunch, who love trekking around the countryside. Now that Spring is coming, and the mud is drying up, why not think of joining us?

We hold walks every Friday, alternating between medium-length (5 - 7 miles) and longer walks (9 - 12 miles). Different members lead the walks, so there's a wide variety. For example, this winter one of our walks was from Banstead to Kingswood, with fascinating information about the history of the area, and finishing in a cosy café by the station. We also walked on the London Loop, the North Downs Way and the Wandle Trail.

The current programme includes walks at Hassocks and the South Downs, Tonbridge to Hadlow via Tudely church with its fabulous Chagall windows, and walks around Wivelsfield, Chelsham, Dormansland and Limpsfield. Each of these will have pretty villages, marvellous scenery and spring flowers.

Some of our walks are flat and easy, others hilly and harder, so there's something for everyone. Sometimes we catch trains or buses to walks, and sometimes we drive (lifts can usually be arranged). Usually we each take our own packed lunch.

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If you're interested in walking with us, we'd love to hear from you. Contact one of our Group secretaries:

Creative writing

Security (Part 1)

‘I’m afraid,’ said the Company Secretary, ‘our insurance premiums have nearly doubled.’

‘Due,’ added Little Geoff, ‘to the number of break-ins, which have risen alarmingly - despite the alarm system and the Night Watchman.’

‘He’s probably asleep most of the night,’ thought the Company Secretary.

‘A failed police dog is the answer,’ grunted the Major.

‘Wouldn’t it be better to have one that had passed?’ the Company Secretary had the temerity to ask.

‘If they pass, the police take them,’ retorted the Major.

Turning to Little Geoff, he added: ‘See to it, and I’ll attend the handing over.’

Apparently, to prevent the recipient of a failed police dog being torn to pieces, it was essential that a formal passing of ownership to the new handler should take place.

The Major was the Chairman of this medium-size conglomerate. Little Geoff, so called because of his diminutive stature, was the Director in charge of the commercial vehicle depot. He was artistically inclined. Physical bravery did not, he felt, come within his remit, Any dog bigger than a Pekinese he viewed with suspicion. A command, however, was a command, especially from the Major. He found out where failed police dogs could be obtained and notified the Major of the time and place. He was horrified when he discovered he was expected to attend, along with the Night Watchman. He prayed that the animal would not be passed to his safe-keeping.

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They arrived at the place, and Little Geoff found his prayer answered.

‘Come with me,’ said the Major to the Night Watchman.

After what seemed an eternity, they returned with the largest German Shepherd that Little Geoff had ever seen.

‘You’ve had his kennel and run built?’ the Major asked. Little Geoff nodded, thinking that the word, ‘lair’ was more suitable.

‘Right, off you go,’ said the Major. ‘You’ll find this dog will do the job. The number of unauthorised entries will plummet.’

With the Night Watchman and the dog sitting in the rear of the car, Little Geoff set off for the four acre site in West London which was to be the failed police dog’s future home.

‘Baskerville’, as he was to be dubbed, had perhaps not been used to the joys of travel, and leaned forward to survey the scenery. This brought him into close proximity to Little Geoff’s ear. Together with the sort of heavy breathing that ladies quite properly complain of, this made the hairs on the back of his neck stand erect. He hoped that Baskerville had been recently fed and that, in any event, his ear would not seem a tasty morsel.

Little Geoff thought he should disguise his fears and show Baskerville the territory he was to protect. Restrained on a leash and accompanied by the Night Watchman, they set out. Hissing Sid, the malevolent Head of Accounts, was walking towards them. He raised an arm in greeting. Without a moment’s hesitation, Baskerville leapt at the upraised arm to ward off the apparent attack on his new master, tearing a large piece from the Barbour jacket that Hissing Sid was wearing.

‘Just remember,’ said Hissing Sid to his staff, ‘you must not go into the yard during the lunch hour. Baskerville will have been set loose. With the workshop closed for the lunch hour, he will deter any unauthorised entry. If, however, you do encounter Baskerville, do not attempt to flee. Remain immobile until the Night Watchman comes along.’

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Water Closet, so nicknamed from his initials, left the office without looking at his watch and began to cross the yard. He almost made it, but out of the corner of an eye discerned a fast approaching dog. Remembering the instructions, he mastered an almost overpowering desire to run, and shuddered into immobility. Baskerville circled round him and then squatted on his haunches, his bright, intelligent eyes gazing in a fond manner at the throat of his victim. The slightest flicker of movement evoked a low, murderous growl. The minutes dragged by until at long last the Night Watchman appeared.

‘I thought you were very brave,’ said Dolly from Accounts.

‘Yes,’ chorused the rest of the office, who had watched from the window Water Closet’s guardsman-like stoicism, motionless as if on parade.

There was a succession of Baskervilles, who succumbed to various diseases, most of them seemingly the result of divers poisonous substances pushed through, or thrown over, the fence. It was with a feeling of relief that Little Geoff at length managed to persuade the Major that the Company could do without these canine guards.

Peter Steptoe

Correction and Apology

In the Autumn edition, Janet Stokes entertained us with her poem, ‘Barging About’, on the outing to the Kennet and Avon canal. However, the start of the poem was not printed as Janet intended. This was entirely my fault, and I apologise to her and you. The correct opening is:

Oh! What a lovely time we had, On our outing in July, The coach was full, the sky was blue As we waved dear Croydon …Goodbye!

Editor

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Short Break in Bruges

After hearing and meeting Steve Hookins (guest speaker at our September 2016 General Meeting), a number of us joined others at the end of November on his Company’s first battlefield tour. It was called ‘Christmas Now and Then’ and visited the scene of the 1914 Christmas truce near the Belgian town of Ploegsteert (better known to us as ‘Plugstreet’).

Our three day military themed tour also visited Tyne Cot Cemetery, the towns of Poperinge and Ypres as well as the Hooge museum and preserved trenches. In Poperinge we saw the Death Cells, where men sentenced to be shot at dawn were held before their execution. Then followed a visit to the grave of Private Reg Tite who died exactly 100 years ago to the day of the tour’s visit on 25 November. Poppies (supplied by Legacy) were placed on his grave.

We spent the second day in Bruges in order to take in the festive Christmas market in this architecturally very interesting city. Our group independently visited St. Salvators Cathedral, then the Church of Our Lady, a 13th century church which proudly displays Michelangelo’s statue of the Madonna and Child.

We also visited the Begijnhof, which was the 13th century Convent of Benedictine Nuns near the canal, before heading back via Ypres for an early dinner.

Afterwards we witnessed the moving evening ceremony of remembrance at the Menin Gate, which remarkably takes place every day throughout the year. We were amazed by the number of visitors present.

On day three, we paid our respects at Tyne Cot Cemetery, the largest British and Commonwealth military cemetery in the world, as well as visiting the museum at Hooge before the journey home via Eurotunnel.

We all found this trip extremely interesting and moving - very well facilitated by both the excellent coach driver and Steve’s knowledgeable and passionate tour guiding.

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Menin Gate Remembrance Ceremony

For anyone interested, Steve hopes to run this tour again next year, so if you are looking to do something a bit different, you can check his website at www.legacyhs.co.uk or phone him on 020 8311 5309.

Susanne Baccini

My Grandmother and others

Sadly, I know of only one other person who can remember my paternal Grandmother now, namely my dear sister-in-law.

Mary Louisa Stockham, always known as Nanny, was born in the Holborn area of London in August 1880. She had a younger sister, Helen, who was born five years later. Nanny had one son, my father, born in 1908. Little is known about her childhood, but I recall Dad telling me that she worked in an East End sweatshop, ironing men’s collars at a rate of one farthing per dozen! If one was done wrongly, she would have to do them all again.

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The family lived in Tower Hamlets Road, not actually in the East End, but in Walthamstow. It is not know where she met my Grandfather, who was at that time a policeman, later attached to the Royal Naval College at Greenwich. I wish I’d asked more about her early life!

She married in 1907 and they moved to Walworth. Remarkably, she kept all the bills and receipts for her wedding etc, which I discovered 100 years later! These provide a fascinating insight into Edwardian London, with their flowery and descriptive artwork. To quote just some of these: The Star Furnishing Compy, of High Street, Walthamstow (tel NORth 1469), supplied Fender Brasses for £2, 6 shillings; Richard Wood and Sons of Walworth (tel HOP 57) supplied numerous items of kitchen and household equipment for a total of £1, 5 shillings and a penny ha’penny; and Pearsons, Complete House Furnishers of Denmark Hill, supplied a bed and carpets for £16, 19 shillings and 5 pence. Nanny and Grandad were clearly setting up home.

They pushed the boat out for the wedding, with the hire of two grey horses for a total of £1, 12 shillings and 6 pence (2 shillings 6pence deposit). Job Masters James Powell of Walthamstow (‘Brakes and Omnibuses, Wedding Carriages, Broughams, Victorias and Landaus’) provided the equine transport. The removal from Walthamstow to Walworth was in the hands of Clements and Co, possibly by horse-drawn pantechnicon, for the princely sum of 16 shillings.

By 1926 the small family had moved to Greenwich, and Grandfather - whom I never knew - retired from the police service in 1928. They ventured abroad on what was probably the one and only occasion, visiting some of the war cemeteries in France and Belgium in the 1920’s. I even managed to identify the location of a snapshot I recently came across, with some help from the Internet.

Dad was very musical, and studied at the Incorporated London Academy of Music. He frequently had bookings for piano playing and entertaining at concerts and fêtes. Most of his programmes from the 1920’s have survived. He went on to lead his own dance band from the 1930’s to the late 1960’s.

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Grandfather died in 1941 at the early age of 58. Mum and Dad set up home in West Wickham in 1937. My elder brother appeared on the scene just before the outbreak of war. Great timing! Early in the war the whole family moved down to Old Windsor, where Dad’s employers had moved to escape from central London. Our house was damaged by flying bomb blast damage and had to be rebuilt.

Nanny eventually moved into a very pleasant council flat there. During the 1950’s and 60’s we would visit her (and she us), occasionally staying for the weekend. Mum and Dad and my brother had moved back to Wickham after I arrived in 1948.

Nan soon settled into life in Old Windsor, playing in whist drives and being connected with the local British Legion. She would send long, rambling letters, telling us of her day-to-day activities in great detail. Spelling was not one of her skills, and her eyesight was failing. Dad would make us laugh, reading what she had written. One expression had us mystified for some time: ‘There was a knock on the door last night but I didn’t go as I was in my dissibles’. We had no idea where she picked this up from. French was not her forte, but what she meant was being in a state of ‘déshabillé’, or undress. Another gem was her ‘negligles’ [négligée].

One of her close friends in the village was Phyllis Reddick, an elderly and stern spinster, very manly, who quite terrified me. She was born and lived in a Victorian house, still lit by gas in the late 1950’s, She was often complaining to the Council about the ‘dwains’! Remarkably, when I knew her she would have been some four years younger than I am now!

She was quite a local historian and a stalwart of the British Legion and the RNLI. Her father told a story of how, at the age of twelve, he came across a pony and trap one day in Windsor Great Park, followed by a big man, well wrapped up against the cold, who offered him a nip of whisky. The pony trap contained Queen Victoria, and the man was John Brown. The lad had been told always to ‘disappear’ in such an eventuality, or to stand to attention at the side of the road and to remove his cap.

Although in her eighties, Nan had bags of energy – more so than my mother – and she would often go up to the West End and rake around in the big stores.

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She was not particularly fat, but was quite short and solid. With less than perfect eyesight, she would occasionally bump into passing pedestrians whilst shopping in Windsor: most embarrassing to an accompanying teenage grandson! She lost her younger sister in 1963 following a fall, and she herself passed away two years later.

I hope this little article has proved of interest.

Colin Read

Topless Towers

[Like the towers mentioned below, the origins of this ‘jeu d’esprit’ are lost in antiquity. It emerged from the dust among papers handed out at an HMI (Her Majesty’s Inspectorate for Education] course some fifty years ago. HMIs obviously had a sense of humour.]

Sometime after the Tower of Babel was abandoned, a group of mystics obtained planning permission to build a tower based on the principle of Pythagorean tiling. (See diagram and note). The tower was to be built on a hexagonal rather than a square base. Thus each layer consisted of a solid flat slab one metre thick and with a hexagonal perimeter. (See diagram.)

Pythagorean tiling Cross-section of the towers

Pythagorean tiling: Draw a square ABCD; mark points on each side dividing each side in a specific ratio e.g 3:2; join these points to form an inner square EFGH as in the diagram. Repeat this process indefinitely forming a fractal pattern of spiralling right angled triangles.

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Black basalt from The Giant’s Causeway was thought to be a suitable building material. The tower became a solid twisted ziggurat climbing skywards layer by layer. Around the tower, in ascending coils like giant snakes, the transcendental numbers were inscribed .Thus with the last layer they would be complete. Then the tower would be so tall it would puncture the vault of heaven and as a vibrating aerial transmit the music of the spheres to man beneath.

Many towers were started but none was ever completed. They came to be known as the topless towers of Illium and, after they were abandoned, their location was lost in antiquity. Legend has it that, if an innocent ever found one of them, Great Lucifer himself would come and finish the job. Then indeed would Childe Roland have come to The Dark Tower; the Barad-dûr of Sauron.

As a first approximation, the tower would be a cone of infinite height. Its volume would be one third base times height. Even a very small tower with base one metre square would have infinite volume; and basalt is very dense. It would punch its way to the centre of the Earth, collapse to a singularity then suck in the whole Earth, the sun, the stars and the whole universe. Time and Space would end.

Do you believe this? Can you answer these questions? (Answers on page 31)

1. Who wrote about the topless towers of Illium?

2. Who re-discovered their whereabouts?

3. Where were they found?

4. Who toppled them over?

5. Who left them to be toppled over?

6. Who prophesied their destruction?

7. What did Childe Roland do when he came to the Dark Tower?

8. What do you imagine happened next?

9. Where is Barad-dûr?

10. What made the Pythagoreans interested in music?

11. Why would Kepler approve the choice of a six-sided tower?

12. What is a singularity?

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U3A: The Founder and why it is important for Croydon

When I had History tutorials in Cambridge in the 1950’s with Peter Laslett, I remember them sometimes being interrupted by telephone calls. These were not because he had been in Naval Intelligence in the War, but were part of a successful campaign to save the BBC Third Programme. Little did I know what a distinguished career lay before him. In 1964 he was the Founder and Director of the Cambridge Group for Population and Social Structure.

Next, with Michael Young in the 1960’s he planned an Open University; and then, even more important for us, in the 1970’s he started to plan the University of the Third Age, and was instrumental in setting it up in 1981. So Croydon was not too slow, though by no means the first, in setting up a branch in 1987, enabling us to have 30 most successful years.

To understand its importance for Croydon, we have to go back to the 1970’s when there was a thriving Adult Education Service, publicised each year by a brochure with a differently coloured cover. Some classes probably ran at less than cost because of a then enlightened Council. However, as the years passed, Council finance declined and nearly all the non-vocational classes stopped. A final blow was the sale of Coombe Cliff, where so many Croydon people had enjoyed Saturday schools, as well as many weekday activities, adult literacy being one of the lesser known ones.

As part of what had been the Adult Education Service, a Pre-Retirement Association was set up and became so successful that it became the Croydon Retirement Association, filling the big hall at the URC at East Croydon each month with popular speakers, plus other activities like holidays and music afternoons – one of the most memorable being the late Roy Mayow’s illustrated tour of pre-war British Dance Bands in London hotels. However, after the death of the Association’s greatly respected leader, Basil Baker, membership numbers fell rapidly and in the early 2000’s the Association was wound up.

In its place, and very much more besides, has come Croydon’s U3A, with membership of around 700 and so many well-supported and varied group activities.

David Talbot

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Viva Mexico!

Mexico is Spain with a sense of humour. I know this with my first gulp of the New World in fifty years. It’s a heady drink after fifteen hours of cataleptic flight from London, punctuated by a bright, new, shiny stopover in Atlanta, Georgia, which feels like a burst of laser surgery. Here at 7,200 feet in Mexico City – a vast conurbation of almost 30 million souls spread over an enormous lake bed with a cooling pall or coverlet of smog – the old world of Europe merges with the ancient Aztec civilization in a fusion of art, colour, design and manners to stir the dullest sensibilities.

We visit the Palace of the fallen Emperor Maximilian atop a hill in Chapultepec Park with its gilded coach and ringing marble halls and the lovely San Angel Inn where Pancho Villa and General Zapata plotted revolution. In the heart of the city on the Zocalo, the great main square, the immense Baroque cathedral squats like an avenging angel cheek by jowl with the Templo Mayor, the remains of the inner sanctum of Montezuma’s empire. Bernal Diaz, the chronicler of the conquest of New Spain recalls: ‘When we saw all those cities and villages built in the water, and other great towns on dry land, and that straight and level causeway leading to Mexico, we were astounded. These great towns and cues [temples or pyramids] and buildings, rising from the water, all made of stone, seemed like an enchanted vision from the tale of Amadis.’

The traffic streams along the broad boulevards in an ever-rising tide of incoming adventurers. The people ebb and flow and flood the streets in eager manifestations against real or imagined injustices, the shields of the riot police serving more as sandbags against these daily inundations. In one suburb, a heaving wave of humanity bears a tottering effigy of Christ on the Cross aloft on a float as fervently as any Cofradia of Seville in Holy Week.

The great clash of civilizational ideas, so well depicted by the artist, Diego Rivera, remains undiminished: the Artist vs. the Entrepreneur, the Marxist vs. the Capitalist. Together with his muse and lover, Frida Kahlo, they have become Mexico’s most emblematic icons. They even took in the fugitive Leon Trotsky before a wily assassin planted an ice-pick in his head.

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Blood and thunder, gaiety and gunshots resound throughout the land beyond. City people, as the heirs of the Aztec ruler, Cuauhtemoc, are supremely comfortable in their own skin, as creative and anarchic as their Nahuatl language allows. The hotel dueño, Don Inocencio, maintains an old-world decorum with an underpowered wi-fi, perhaps to encourage conversation, although the appalling Fox News is piped into every room. In the bar, we meet a charming, clownish man from Cancun, who is very keen to establish that he is just as much of a globetrotter as ourselves.

In the restaurants, evacuation plans for fire and seismic jolts are prominently displayed. At the Casa de Azulejos, the floor tilts at a five-degree angle and the building is still settling after five hundred years. But the greatest shock is our discovery that their cacao is taken in a tasty savoury form to accompany tacos and enchiladas and not in the sweetened form of the tooth-rotting chocolate we’re used to in Europe.

O ye timid travellers, it’s time to leave your comfort zone, throw your hats in the ring and go and shoot the breeze with these surprising strangers.

Barnaby Powell

How the huntsman came to Croydon

Where in Croydon does a huntsman jump a hedge?

If you walk down George Street from East Croydon station and take note of the openings on the left, between St Matthews House and No 96, up some steps, you will see the large, bronze statue. I used to think it was of John Gilpin, the subject of William Cowper’s comic poem. But of course, it’s not: Gilpin’s hat was blown off, with his wig, when his horse bolted. And his horse kept to the road on the wild ride from Cheapside to Ware and back.

The rider is in fact John Jorrocks, the creation of R S Surtees (1805-1864), a sporting cockney grocer who features in ‘Jorrock’s Jaunts and Jollities’ and other novels. The sculptor was John Mills (born 1933). The entry on him in Wikipedia lists a great many sculptures by him in public places.

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They include The Meeting (a family group) at Bedford, the National Firefighters’ Memorial outside St Paul’s and the Monument to the Women of World War II in Whitehall.

But was there a connection between Jorrocks and Croydon? Yes. Surtees was the second son of Anthony Surtees of Hamsterley Hall in County Durham. He was articled to a solicitor in Newcastle, and then moved to another in London. To relieve the tedium of office life, he hunted with the Surrey Hunt, based in Croydon. He abandoned the law when 23 to become a sporting journalist.

The plot thickens. In the early 1980’s Waites were proposing a development of the site in George Street. They had an enlightened policy of commissioning sculptures for some of their significant sites.

Paul Waite had a particular liking for Surtees’ books and was taken by the idea of the Surrey subscription hounds gathering at

Croydon, and the chaotic ride that Jorrocks had from Covent Garden to join the hunt. Paul and John Mills discussed the idea, and the result is this marvellous sculpture of Jorrocks sailing over a laurel hedge.

The climax of the story is bizarre. The Council backed down from an unveiling ceremony because the anti-blood sports lobby threatened action. So the sculpture was unveiled at night. Is this why there is no plaque stating the title of the sculpture, or the name of the sculptor? Perhaps it’s time for one to be put in place.

Gordon Thynne

(Acknowledgements to Footprints of London and to The R S Surtees Society.)

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Sharing your home with a pet

When I received a request from the editor of my local church’s magazine to write about sharing my home with a pet, I thought of stories that were humorous, loving, sad, fulfilling. I thought also of our home, ‘Whisker Cottage’ – well, not really our home. Rather, it’s a bungalow where my husband and I are allowed to reside as chief cooks, bottle washers, cleaners, gardeners etc on the condition we remain slaves to the whims and fancies of our two cats.

A Cavalier King Charles spaniel, three previous cats and two present ‘moggies’ have all been rescue animals, so we have been very indulgent towards them, to make up for the ‘not so good a start’ they have had in life. In fact, I have felt blessed and privileged to share my life with such sensitive and loving creatures.

My best friend, a wise and spiritual lady, always said you are given the home you deserve and the pets you deserve. She was right: my pets have come into my life when I had a need, or a void, to fill. When we had our spaniel, Victoria, we made friends and many acquaintances simply walking her in the park. It was like being in a doggy community. We got to know neighbours well through sharing ‘doggy sitting’ duties. After 20 years, I still feel the loss of Victoria, and have a tear in my eye simply writing about her.

Then came a succession of cats, all with different personalities. Again, after moving to Shirley, we made friends with neighbours through cat/dog sitting duties. There seems to be a bond when meeting and getting to know other people with pets: it’s almost as though you are drawn to such people. I have friends and neighbours, and family abroad, who ask for regular updates on the cats, and are concerned when they are suffering a health problem. Usually, they ask about the pets before enquiring about our health, which is the way it should be.

Keeping a pet is a commitment, but I have always been more than rewarded. I couldn’t imagine life without pets. I think the feeling is mutual: when we returned from 12 days away on holiday, both cats followed me around the whole day, constantly meowing to let me know they were there and asking me to speak to them. Some people say that cats won’t acknowledge them when they have been away. Not so with mine. The following morning I woke to find a cat sleeping each side of me. They rarely sleep all night with us, so I knew they had missed us as much as we had missed them.

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So, if you feel you want to take the plunge and share your life with a pet, there are many rescued animals needing good homes. I’d be only too happy to give prospective owners/slaves contact numbers of rescue centres. It would be one of the most rewarding things you could do.

Dawn Barrett

Answers: Topless Towers

1. Virgil (Homer) [Christopher Marlowe]

2. Heinrich Schliemann

3. Turkey

4. The Greeks

5. Aeneas

6. Cassandra

7. Blew his horn.

8. Nobody knows - Browning didn’t say.

9. In the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie.

10. They had discovered a numerical basis for harmonics and chords and they believed the planets created heavenly music.

11. Kepler only knew of 6 planets.

12. A point of no physical size.

If there are questions you would like to ask about the Topless Towers, come to the maths group (first Monday in the month).

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