Courtship and Dating2

8/13/2019 Courtship and Dating2

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Over the centuries The Background Worlds of

Courtship and Dating


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Traditional Forms

Socio-Cultural Templates Order and Arrangements Constrained Desires

Modern Forms

Socio-Cultural Transformations Personal Encounters Rights and Desire

Post

-

Modern Forms

Post-Modern Cultural Underpinnings Greater Plasticity Complex Hybridity


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1. Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC): Weighs options, makes decisions.Its the worry -wort center, and its larger in women than in men.

2. Prefrontal Cortex (PFC): The queen that rules the emotions and keeps them fromgoing wild. It puts the brakes on the amygdala. Larger in women, and matures fasterin teen girls than in boys by one to two years.

3. Insula: The center that processes gut feelings. Larger and more active in women.4. Hypothalamus: The conductor of the hormonal symphony; kicks the gonads into

gear. Starts pumping earlier at puberty in females.5. Amygdala: The wild beast within; the instinctual core, tamed only by the PFC. Larger

in men.6. Pituitary Gland: Produces hormones of fertility, milk production, and nurturing

behavior. Helps turn on the mommy brain.7. Hippocampus: The elephant that never forgets a fight, a romantic encounter, or a

tender moment and wont let you forget it, either. Larger and more active in

women.


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Major hormone changes What males have thatfemales dont

Male-specific brain changes Reality changes

Fetal growth Brain development:starting 8 weeks afterconception, testosteronemasculinizes and then

works with MIS hormoneto defeminize the malebrain.

Y Chromosome Growth and masculinization ofcircuits for sexual pursuit,exploratory behavior, and rough-and-tumble muscle movements.

Boyhood Continued production ofMIS; low levels oftestosterone during thisjuvenile pause.

High testosterone from 1month to 12 months afterbirth; lower testosteronefrom 1 to 11 years old;continued high MIShormone; low estrogen

More brain circuits forexploratory behavior, rough-and-tumble muscle movements;circuits fro male sexual activitycontinue to develop.

Major interest in winning,movement, chasingobjects, rough-and-tumbleand exploratory lay withboys, not girls.

Puberty 20-fold increase intestosterone along withincreasing vasopressin; lowMIS

Increased sensitivity andgrowth of sexual-pursuitcircuits and territorialaggression.

Circuits for visual sex attractionfocus on female figures;perceives male faces as hostile;sense of smell for pheromoneschanges; auditory perceptionchanges; circuits for sleep cyclechanges.

Major interest in turf, socialinteraction girls bodyparts, sexual fantasy,masturbation, malehierarchy; goes to sleepand gets up later;avoidance of parents,challenges authority.

SexualMaturity,single man

Testosterone continues tobe high and activatemating, sex, protection,hierarchy, and turf circuits.

Focused on curvaceous,fertile females. Wants sexfirst, then love andrelationship may follow; highlibido

Visual circuits change to spotfertile females and potentiallyaggressive males.

Major interest in findingsexual partners; focus on

job, money, and careerdevelopment

Fatherhood During the motherspregnancy and after birthof baby, prolactin goes up,testosterone goes down.

Male-pregnancy or covadesyndrome

Circuits for sex drive supresseddue to lower testosterone andhigh prolactin; auditory circuitsenhanced for hearing babies cry;

Major focus is onprotecting the mother andbaby, on making a livingand supporting the family;


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SexualMaturity,single man

Testosterone continuesto be high and activatemating, sex,protection, hierarchy,and turf circuits.

Focused on curvaceous,fertile females. Wantssex first, then love andrelationship may follow;high libido

Visual circuits change tospot fertile females andpotentially aggressivemales.

Major interest infinding sexual partners;focus on job, money,and careerdevelopment

Fatherhood During the motherspregnancy and afterbirth of baby, prolactingoes up, testosteronegoes down.

Male-pregnancy orcovade syndrome Circuits for sex drivesupressed due to lowertestosterone and highprolactin; auditory circuitsenhanced for hearingbabies cry; father-baysynchrony develops.

Major focus is onprotecting the motherand baby, on making aliving and supportingthe family; hears babiescry better than non-dads.

Middlemanhood Very graduallydecreasingtestosterone.

Continued focus on sex,turf, and attractivewomen

Slightly decreasingactivation by testosteroneand vasopressin.

Major focus is onraising kids, power andstatus at work; lessfocus on must-have-sex-now

Andropause

Gradually lowertestosterone; by age85, testosterone levelis less than half ofwhat it was at age 20.

Can continue toreproduce; continuedfocus on sex andattractive women

Brain Circuits usually fueledby testosterone aredeclining; ratio of estrogento testosterone increases;high oxytocin.

Major interest is instaying healthy andimproving well-being,marriage, sex life,grandchildren, legacy;closest that men willever come to being likewomen, since oxytocinmakes them more opento affection and

sentiment, anddeclining testosterone


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Thus the convergencesBiological, Psychological, and Socio-Cultural

Biological/Physiological two forms; distinctive physical characteristics

DNAmore direct; distinctive XX/XY chromosomes; but these arenot the final determinants of sex. In some cases, for example,

chromosomally female babies that have been exposed to highlevels of androgens before birth can develop masculinized genitalsby the time they are born

Hormonal indirect; distinctive hormone quantities DNA behavioral expressions confusing (climate vs. weather)

Social/Cultural increase or decrease sexual differences; genderroles (In Bali, we are told, men do not usually participate in heavywork, thus there is less difference between the muscle mass of menand women)

Heart Love/Desire PartnerFlowers, chocolates, cellphones, FB, skype, Victoria C.
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HOME NEIGHBORHOOD

DomesticLifeCommunityIntegration

House choresFarmingFishing

ForestField

River / Sea

Monetaryand

Non-monetaryTrades

SCHOOL WORKPLACE MARKET

Pre-Modernity (and Women)


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Pre-Modern Forms Predominance of Traditions (learned, shared,

handed-down, quasi-obligatory) Village (homogeneous, closed,

heteronomous)

Neighborhood (mutual-supervision) Family (reflection of the socio-cultural order)

Modes Patterns / Templates (bundling, albergement,

le marachinage) Roles (parents, neighbors, matchmaker) Arrangements (economic, ethnic, political)


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Cottage Industry


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Traditional Forms Woman was confined

Village constrained (work, worship) Neighborhood checked (neighbors gaze) Family supervised (affirm and reinforce standards)

What could men do? (What could women do?) Appear in front of everyone Show ones character Court familys / communitys confidence Develop / Enhance ones sense of commitment

Thus, Desire was (generally) more circumscribed

by external factors


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The SexualDecision-MakingProcess

According to thePenitentials


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The SexualDecision-MakingProcess

According to thePenitentials


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MODERNITY


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Modernity One-on-One Encounters

Personal interaction level Individual Template(s)

Personal Interaction Modulating desires (emotivist criteria) Modifying traditions (negotiable criteria / norms)

Possible, because (among other factors) Woman was moving freely (study, work, worship) Neighborhood subdivided into autonomous homes Individual Taste or Desire is respected Public areas become pathways or backdrop of Desire


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HOME NEIGHBORHOOD

WarmthCareLove

CooperationFriendship

Community

StudyDiscipline

Work

WorkSacrificeWages

Spending

ProfitCompetition


Modernity (or Towards Post-Modernity)
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HOME NEIGHBORHOOD SCHOOL WORKPLACE MARKET

Old Habits Old Habits Old Habits Old Habits Old Habits

1 9 155


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199 298

HOME

NEIGHBORHOOD


Singleparents,no kids

Subdivision,Condo,

Research,Experiments

Versatility,Multi-tasking

IT, Trans-nationals

NewHabits

New HabitsNew

HabitsNew

HabitsNew Habits


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HOME NEIGHBORHOOD

Care for

eachother

Befriendly Studyhard

Work

Hard, earnmore

Buy and sellPay for your

bill


Post-Modernity

MORE FRAGMENTATIONS,EXPLODED TRADITIONS,

VIRTUAL REALITIES, INSTANTGRATIFICATIONS, ETC.


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PERIOD CONDITIONS REACTIONSAFFIRMATION I RESISTANCE

Pre-Modern Women confined Traditional Common Templates Community-supervised Patriarchy

Obedience Docility Sacrifice

Romeo & Juliet Elopement (The

Notebook) Nunnery or

monastery Single life

Modern Nuclear family Freedom for Women

Respect of rights Respect of privacy Decision based on

rational choice Criteria of Progress

and Development Patriarchy not yet over

Heterosexual Mutuality

Egalitarian Bourgeois ideals offamily life Management

Live-in Trial marriage

Homosexual Single parent Wife-Swapping

Post-Modern Unstable conditions(migrations, inter-marriages, Trans-gender roles

IT, globalizations, etc. Plethora of Opportunities

Impermanence Collage / Pastiche /

hodgepodge Collect, Consume,

and play

Back to traditions No commitment Neurosis /Psychosis

Fun

More elaborated speech

(replacing packed traditions)


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Some Post-modern stories

Antonias Line Y Tu Mama Tambien

Mama Mia Rachel Getting Married Its Complicated


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Post-Modern Forms

Confluent relations (coming together) Fluid (seeking its own level; homeostasis) Plastic (subject to personal alterations)

Desire is the starting- and end-point Customized traditions (End of Great Traditions) Whatever is the reason it is a reason to get

married Rules, Roles & Rituals are there to be replaced or

transgressed

CONDITIONS FOR FORMS OF COMMITMENT


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PERIOD CONDITIONS FORCOMMITMENT

FORMS OF COMMITMENTMEN WOMEN

Pre-Modern SOCIO-CULTURALTEMPLATES

FAMILY-SUPPORT STABILITY

Modern RATIONAL (MALESCIENTIST)

ECONOMIC (FATHERING) LIBERAL (MALE

POLITICIAN)

Post-Modern MULTIPLE CHOICES INDIVIDUAL LEVEL BEYOND GREAT

TRADITIONS

HALO-HALO


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What now? Where to? How?

Youth for Christ? Singles for Christ? Couples for Christ? What did Jesus say?

Kingdom of God values other-centered (vs. patriarchy and dictatorship) sharing of self (vs. addicts, vs. homeostasis) No exploitation of oxytocin, prolactin, and estrogen Respect of self, women, and the environment


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Love Styles

Hendrick & Hendrick (1993):

Had subjects write personal account or story

of a romantic relationship.

Did a factor analysis on prevalence ofdifferent themes/adjectives

Found 6 love styles romantic partners tendto have similar love styles (Morrow et al, 1995)


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Love Styles

Eros Passionate Love

Love at first sight

34% of subjects rate high on this scale

Men typically have higher ratings

Sample Question: My lover and I wereattracted to each other immediately afterwe first met.


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Love Styles

Storge Friendship Love

Very close friendship becomes love


Women typically have higher ratings

Sample Question: Love is really a deepfriendship, not a mysterious, mysticalemotion.


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Love Styles

Ludus Game-Playing Love

Flirtatious and not committed


Men typically have higher ratings

Sample Question: I have sometimes had tokeep my two lovers from finding out abouteach other.


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Love Styles

Mania Possessive Love

Feeling of ownership over lover



Sample Question: I cannot relax if Isuspect that my lover is with somebodyelse.


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Love Styles

Pragma Logical Love

Cognitive appreciation for others quality



Sample Question: It is best to lovesomebody with a similar background.


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Love Styles

Agape Selfless Love

Putting ones lover above ones self


Highly correlated with religiosity

Sample Question: I would rather sufferthan let my lover suffer.


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Triarchic Model of Love

Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986):

Intimacy: Closeness two people feel

psychologically, how well partners understandeach other.

Passion: The amount of physical/sexual attraction

and romance.Commitment: The cognitive factors such as thedecision to maintain the relationship. Cf. runners

body surrendering, but mind still fights to finish.


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Triarchic Model of Love

Intimacy = Liking

Passion =Infatuation

Commitment =Empty Love

I + P = RomanticLove

I + C =Companionate Love

P + C = FatuousLove

ConsummateLove

PRAGMA AGAPE


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EROS

PRAGMA

AGAPESTORGE

AGAPE

EROS

STORGEPRAGMA

PRAGMA

STORGE

EROSAGAPE

STORGE

AGAPE

PRAGMAEROS


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What can we do?

February 14th strategies and tactics Poem Letter Reminders


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Equity Theory

Homans, 1969; Messick & Cook, 1983

Economic model of love

Rewards include love, companionship,consolation, sexual gratification, socialacceptance

Costs include work to maintainrelationship, conflict, compromise, sacrificeof other opportunities for relationships


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Equity Theory

Your Benefits Partners Benefits Your Contributions Partners Contributions

Comparison Level = average expected outcome ofthe relationshipComparisons for alternatives = expectation ofwhat could be received in a different relationshipInvestment = what must be put into a relationshipthat can not be recovered if the relationship ends.

=


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Successful Relationships

Terman et al (1935)

Investigated hundreds of couples, and

looked at the 100 happiest, 100 least happy(but still married) and 100 divorcedcouples.

500 item psychological scale


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Link from Gender Differences

What women talk about more:Sexual behavior, Sexual feelings, Dating and

romantic relationships, Making out," The

dangers of sex, Abstinence, How attractivemembers of the other sex were, How attractivethey themselves were, Date rape and

ContraceptionWhat men talk about more:

Masturbation


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Link from Gender Differences

So where to the stereotypes come from?

Go outwith

Sleep with

Men 56 91

Women 47 0


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Female Courtship Rituals

Womens flirting behavior Eibl -Eibesfeldt (1989):

1) Smile

2) Lift Eyebrows in fast jerky motion3) Open their eyes wide

4) Lower their eyelids

5) Tilt heads down and to the side

6) Look away


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Male Courtship Rituals

Male courtship rituals:

Submissive displays: Palms up, shoulder shrug,

tilt head.Dominance displays: Entering personal space,

putting arm around shoulder, swagger.

Resources displays: Paying for food, drink.Wearing expensive clothes. Bragging.

Documents

Courtship and Dating2