Couple Dating 20 Pages

7/31/2019 Couple Dating 20 Pages

1/22

Couple Datingby

Cricket Daniel

Copyright , 2008 by Cricket Daniel


2/22

Synopsis: What happens when your wife wishes to expand your limited

circle of friends? She decides to make arrangements to do some

couple dating and invites each of three separate and decidedly

different couples to spend an evening in your home. The result is

a boisterously entertaining comedy about love, marriage, friends

and contemporary relationships. Couple Dating tells the engagingstory of Tess and Bobby Marotta, a thirty-something couple living

in Brooklyn. Tess and Bobby have been married for five years and

have a three-year old daughter. After watching a segment about

couple dating on NBCs The Today Show, Tess decides that they

need to explore new friendships. As each couple spends an evening

in the Marotta home, the audience learns more and more about

whether Bobby and Tess will find what they are searching for among

their new friends or whether they will decide that their old

friends are not so bad after all. Couple Dating is an edgy

contemporary comedy in which you will recognize yourself, your

friends and the various couples that have come and gone over the

course of a lifetime.

Cast of Characters

BOBBY, owns local automotive shop. Brooklyn boy, has known Tess

since childhood. Sports fanatic. Loves cars, drinking and hanging

with his friends. Lovable and harmless.

TESS, funny, feisty and street-smart. Wears the pants in the

marriage. Stay-at-home mom.

JASON, NYSE Trader, highly educated and stuffy.

SUZANNE, Jasons wife. Very uptown, but yet down-to-earth. Stay-

at-home mom.LAUREN, stay-at-home Mom to her and Tonis 3 year old daughter.

Pretty and put together.

TONI, Laurens partner, lesbian, owns local Harley Davidson Shop.

Looks like a biker chick.

NATHALIE, flirty bombshell, personal trainer, mom of twin boys.

SCOTT, good looking, owns big sporting goods store. Very

charismatic.

The play takes place in Brooklyn, present day, at the Marotta House

over 2 weekends.

ACT I: Date #1 - Friday nightACT II: Date #2 - Next night, Saturday night

INTERMISSION

ACT III: Date #3 - Following Saturday night


3/22

ACT ONE

(AT RISE on Living/ Dining Room. Room has family pictures and

childs paintings/art on the wall. Bobby enters through front

door.)

TESS

(Yelling from Kitchen where she is making final touches on

dinner). Bobby, that better be you!

BOBBY

Yeah Tess, its me. Who else would it be?

TESS

My lover. But I tell him he cant ever show up to the house

after 5pm. You know, conflict of interest and all.

BOBBY

Ha ha, very funny. Im all the man you can handle sweetie.

TESS

(Bobby enters kitchen) Well, you are right there. I dont

think I can handle more of you. Youre late. Get upstairs and

change.

BOBBY

Late for what? (kisses Tess and then notices food and starts to

pick at it). Hey, this looks good. (Tess slaps his hands away

from the food)

TESS

Dont touch.

BOBBY

So, youve been thinking about that whole good food equals

great sex idea I had huh? I didnt even think you were paying

attention. (Bobby grabs for Tess)

TESS

(pushes Bobby away) Bobby, not now and no, I have not thoughtabout your ridiculous idea. And you were right, I wasnt paying

attention.


4/22

BOBBY

(Bobby starts to eat some the food) Hey tasty. Ordered in huh?

TESS

No, for your information I made all of this.

BOBBY

Uh huh. So, where is this food from? That new restaurant up

the street?

TESS

Why is it so hard to believe that I cooked all of this and it

might actually taste good? I think Ive turned into a pretty

good cook since weve gotten married.

BOBBY

Well, you have gotten better, Ill admit that. I remember

eating runny eggs and burnt toast the first six months we were

married.

TESS

I told you, the toaster was stuck on dark. Dont blame me that

your toast was always burnt. I told you over and over again to

fix the toaster! Besides, I scraped off all the black from

your toast.

BOBBY

Tess, you can scrape all you want, burnt toast is still burnt

toast.

TESS

In case you were wondering where our beautiful daughter is,

Bella is at my moms since we have our date tonight.

BOBBY

Date? What date?

TESS

Bobby, I told you. Remember, were couple dating this weekend.

Tonight we have a date with Jason and Suzanne and tomorrow nightis Lauren and Toni. Next weekend Nathalie and her husband

Scott are coming over.

BOBBY

Couple dating! You werent actually serious about that shit,

were you?


5/22

TESS

Yes, Bobby, I was serious about that shit.

BOBBY

You need to give me some warning Tess.

TESS

Ive been telling you about this for the past month. This was

the first weekend you had open, remember? Bobby, we need to

start hanging out with couples who are more like us.

BOBBY

There are no couples like us, Tess. And I think thats probably

a good thing dont you?

TESS

Well, thats true. But I still want to try.

BOBBY

So you have all these people coming to the house tonight?

TESS

Do you ever pay attention to what I say? No, they arent coming

here all at once. We will have dinner with each couple

separately. So, three dates total. Two this weekend and one

next weekend.

BOBBY

Tess, thats taking up two of my weekends!

TESS

Oh, Im so sorry that you wont be able to hang out in the

garage all night with your friends, (Bobby scratches his balls)

scratching your balls and talking about headers and gaskets.

BOBBY

Tess, Im restoring a classic car. I think it involves a little

more than what youre suggesting.

TESSOh, Im sorry, did I not mention drinking a case of beer and

seeing who can burp the loudest.

BOBBY

No you didnt. But I am impressed and a little turned on that

you said headers and gaskets. (Grabs Tess and kisses her neck,

she pushes him away)


6/22

TESS

Well sorry, but you will actually have to devote three evenings

to me. Yours truly. Your one and only. Oh and lets not

forget, the one who does all the cooking and cleaning around

here. Get the picture? (Goes into living room and starts to

straighten up, Bobby follows her)

BOBBY

Well, I dont like the sound of it.

TESS

What? Spending three evenings with me?

BOBBY

No, this Couple Dating. I mean, whats that mean exactly?

TESS

Its just a new term out there for when couples like us meet

other couples to see if we have anything in common. Its just

meeting other couples and seeing if we can all be friends. I

heard about it on The Today Show.

BOBBY

You watch too much damn TV, you know that dont you? Last month

you brought home a million vitamins because Dr. Oz said we

needed them.

TESSWell we do. (Goes back into kitchen, checks on dinner) Were

not getting any younger Bobby. We have to stay healthy for

Bella.

BOBBY

Speak for yourself. Im in my prime baby.

TESS

You? Are you kidding me? You couldnt run around the block to

save your life.

BOBBY

Well, taking a bunch of vitamins wont change that. I cant run

around the block because I dont wanna run around the block.

Besides, runnings for chicks. Im more into weights.

TESS

Weights. You? Yeah Bobby, thats you alright.


7/22

BOBBY

Check this out. (flexes his arm and kisses his muscle) Welcome

to the gun show baby!

TESS

Youre right Bobby, you dont need vitamins.

BOBBY

See.

TESS

You need some serious medication. Dr. Oz says that vitamins

will help us get all of our, (Tess searches for the words,

clearly not knowing why they need vitamins) you know, get us our

proper, andwe just need them okay!

BOBBY

Because Dr. Oz says so?

TESS

Yes. Are you going to argue with what Dr. Oz says? Because Im

not.

BOBBY

Youre absolutely right Tess. Thats why you ran out and got

all those bottles of vitamins.

TESSThats right.

BOBBY

Because we so desperately need them.

TESS

Exactly.

BOBBY

For Bellas sake?

TESS

Now youre getting it.

BOBBY

And thats why all those bottles of vitamins over there are

sitting unopened, collecting dust on the counter. (points to at

least 20 bottles of vitamins on the counter)


8/22

TESS

I just havent had a chance to buy those weekly plastic pill

sorter things.

BOBBY

Well, for Bellas sake, dont you think you better buy those

sorter things. I can keel over at any moment.

TESS

Stop trying to avoid the subject. We have company coming over

soon. (Goes back to living room, continues to prep for the

evening, Bobby follows) I want us to make new friends Bobby.

Wouldnt it be fun to have game night, go out to dinner with

another couple or even all go on a cruise together or something?

BOBBY

Whats wrong with the friends we have now? Whats wrong with

Chucky, Darrel or Spaz?

TESS

There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I dont

even have the time to tell you. We need real friends Bobby.

Life long, give and take, heres a cup of sugar, can you watch

our daughter tonight, of course you can have one of my kidneys

friends! Not your beer drinking, strip club going, its just a

cold sore friends and their whores.

BOBBYHey, have you forgotten that you dated Darrel in high school?

TESS

What? Where did get that idea? We never dated in high school.

BOBBY

Junior year. Ricky Castronellis keg party. The back of

Darrels Delta 88.

TESS

I would hardly call him fumbling to undo my bra while listeningto Journey a date.

BOBBY

Well, that pretty much describes every date I ever had from age

15 to 24.


9/22

TESS

Well, trust me it wasnt a date. It was more like an evening

with Bartles & James and Darrel just happened to be there.

Okay, yuck. You just made me lose my appetite. How am I

supposed to eat Pork Chops with that visual in my head.

BOBBY

Hey, its not exactly an image I enjoy myself, but its not my

fault you let Darrel get to second base.

TESS

Second base? Hardly. He came barreling around first base and I

tagged him out long before he got to second base, trust me.

And Bobby, if you ever bring up Darrel and me again, I swear in

the middle of the night, I will light your dick on fire.

BOBBY

Ooooh, defensive. That doesnt sound like a girl who stopped

Darrel at first base to me. But nice mouth Tess. That mouth

will go over really well on our date tonight. If I recall,

thats pretty much the same mouth you had on our first date too.

TESS

Well, hopefully tonights date will turn out much better than

our first date.

BOBBY

What was wrong with our first date?

TESS

Your car broke down. I mean, I was on a date with a mechanic

and his car brakes down. It seemed little fishy to me.

BOBBY

It didnt break down. It just needed to be popped into gear.

Besides, Im the one who did all the pushing while you were

cruising easy in the drivers seat.

TESS

Bobby, we flipped for it. You pushed because you picked heads.

BOBBY

Like I said, I did all the pushing.

TESS

Now get upstairs and get out of your work clothes. I dont want

you to smell like grease.


10/22

BOBBY

Tess, grease is my version of Polo. Im a mechanic remember?

TESS

Come on, we wanna make a good first impression.

BOBBY

Hey, this grease smell worked for you baby. (goes to grab her

and kiss her.)

TESS

(pushes him back and toward the stairs) And look how well that

turned out (rolls her eyes).

(Bobby heads upstairs and Tess starts to bring appetizers out to

the dinner table. She starts to arrange the table, unarranges

it and rearranges it. She is nervous).

TESS

(Talking to herself) Tess, stop it. It looks fine. We dont

want to look desperate. (Doorbell rings. Tess runs back to the

kitchen and yells upstairs). Thats them, hurry up. (Tess

rushes back through the door, makes one more arrangement to the

dinner table and opens the front door).

(Enter Jason and Suzanne, holding a bottle of wine. Suzanne

says hi upon entry)

TESS

Hi Suzanne. Thanks for coming tonight. (directs them inside).

SUZANNE

Hi. Thanks for having us over.

TESS

Our pleasure. Hi, you must be Jason? Ive heard a lot of about

you.

JASON(looking around the room). Yes, I am. Nice to make your

acquaintance.

TESS

Please, come in and make yourselves at home. My husband will be

down in a minute.


11/22

SUZANNE

Thanks Tess. Oh what a lovely home you have. (Jason looks

around clearly judging)

TESS

Oh thanks. Just dont open that door (points to closet door

nearby ) or you will have about a million toys come down on you.

SUZANNE

How funny. That is exactly what I do. Shove all of Maxs

things in a closet and hope to God that no one opens it.

JASON

We brought a bottle of wine. Honey, why dont you give Tess the

bottle of wine we brought for them.

(Suzanne gives Tess the bottle of wine)

TESS

Oh thank you. You didnt have to bring anything.

SUZANNE

Its the least we can do. Thank you so much for inviting us

over for dinner. Its always a treat to go out. Who has Bella

tonight?

TESS

My mom. She probably already smells like cigarette smoke. Every

time I tell my mother how much I hate that she smokes aroundBella she says (mimicking a strong smoker voice, and pretending

to smoke)you always smelled like cigarette smoke growing up

and you turned out alright. Who has Max?

SUZANNE

Jasons mom. Im sure shes telling him the dinner I prepared

for him is unhealthy and a result of lazy parenting. (The

girls laugh)

(Bobby enters the room)

TESS

Hi Honey. Bobby, this is my friend Suzanne and her husband

Jason.

BOBBY

Hi (Reaches out to shake Jasons hand) Nice to meet you both.


12/22

JASON

Yes, you too. (Takes hand sanitizer from his pocket and squirts

some into his hands)

TESS

They have a three-year old boy named Max. Max and Bella play

together all the time.

BOBBY

Thats great.

TESS

Look honey, Suzanne and Jason brought us a bottle of wine.

Wasnt that nice of them?

BOBBY

(Takes it from Tess) Hey, thanks for bringing it. Ill go open

this up right now. (Starts to head to the kitchen) Everyone

interested in a glass?

JASON

Yes, we would both enjoy a glass very much.

BOBBY

Great. Ill be right back.

JASON

(Stops Bobby at door to kitchen and reaches for wine.) Excuseme, but are you familiar with Aldo Conterno?

BOBBY

(Pulls wine back towards him, it becomes a tug-of-war)

Uuuumyeah, hes a boxer right?

JASON

(gives an arrogant laugh). No, its a fine wine from Northern

Italy. Its the wine youre holding. I managed to obtain

several bottles during my travels. The Northern Italy grape is

very..

BOBBY

(Bobby interrupts)Holy shit, theres a cork. Well, we dont

tackle those everyday do we honey? Ill try not to get any of

it in this fine wine.


13/22

JASON

I would appreciate it if you didnt actually. (Tug of war with

the bottle continues) If pieces of the cork intrude the wine, it

diminishes the flavor greatly. I can assist you if needed.

BOBBY

No, Im sure I can handle it. Thanks. (Bobby and Jason both

trying to get the bottle of wine from each other)

JASON

Corks can be quite delicate and yet demanding at times. Notably

on the more rare wines such as this particular one.

BOBBY

Well, try coaching flag football to 14 boys every week. Now,

thats demanding. Im sure I can handle pulling a cork out of a

bottle of wine.

JASON

Not just any bottle of wine. Its a fine wine from Northern

BOBBY

(Pulls bottle strongly from Jason, Bobby interrupts) Yeah,

Mason I got it. (Bobby exits for the Kitchen)

JASON

(yells after Bobby) Actually, its Jason.

TESSUumm, excuse me. I better go help him find the corkscrew.

Please, help yourself to some appetizers on the table. (Rushes

out and into kitchen). What the Hell was that?

(Lights fade on living/dining room. Lights up on Kitchen)

BOBBY

Yeah, what the Hell was that? What an arrogant prick. (Bobby

is opening drawers looking for the corkscrew)

TESSShhhhkeep it down, theyll hear you. (Tess opens the correct

drawer and takes out the corkscrew and hands it to Bobby. She

goes to the cupboard and takes out the wine glasses) It was just

a misunderstanding. Hell, I thought he was talking about a

boxer too. And his name is Jason not Mason.


14/22

BOBBY

I know his name is Jason, I just said that to piss him off.

(mimicking Jason). Its a fine wine from Northern Italy. Like

I dont know Italy. My whole freakin family is from Italy

Tess! (opens bottle)

TESS

Bobby, I like Suzanne. I think she could be a really good

friend. (sets out the wine glasses and Bobby starts to pour)

Just have an open mind okay? This is all part of couple dating.

Getting to know each other.

BOBBY

Couple dating. I cant believe I agreed to this shit. This has

got to be one of the dumbest things you have ever gotten us

into.

TESS

Oh Bobby.

BOBBY

Oh Bobby what?

TESS

Ive gotten us into way more dumber things than this.

BOBBY

Well, thats true. We did spend an entire weekend in some

second rate hotel hearing about timeshares. What a scam.

TESS

Yeah, but we got a gift certificate for two free dinners at

Antonios Pizza.

BOBBY

Do you remember how long we sat there hearing about those damn

timeshares. And for what? Pizza. My mom makes the best pizza

this side of the Hudson River.

TESSDont forget all the refreshments and the free luggage tags we

got too.

BOBBY

Why do I let you talk me into this shit. Everytime.


15/22

TESS

This is different. This will be a fun evening, just give it a

chance.

BOBBY

I think Id rather be stuck in a room with a bunch of senior

citizens hearing about timeshares again.

TESS

Im sure you both will have a lot in common once you get to know

him. (Bobby takes two of the wine glasses, Tess takes the

other two).

BOBBY

Im sure. (heads into the dining room carrying his two glass,

Tess right behind him).

TESS

Here we go. (handing everyone a glass). A toast (all raises

their glasses). To good friends.

SUZANNE

To good friends. (clinks glasses with Tess. Tess and Suzanne

go to clink with the men. Jason is swirling his glass of wine

and sniffing the bouquet. Bobby has judged his down and has

poured beer into the wine glass) So, Bobby, where do you coach

flag football?

BOBBYAt the Boys and Girls Club. Ive been doing it for about ten

years now. I love it.

JASON

You must have a lot of extra time on your hands.

BOBBY

No, not really. But I make the time. Its important to the

boys that Im there every week. I have great memories of being

their age and spending all my time at the Boys and Girls Club.

I guess its just my way of giving back.

SUZANNE

Oh, that is so sweet. Those boys are lucky to have you.

BOBBY

Im lucky to have them.


16/22

TESS

We love going to the games. Its a great time.

SUZANNE

Oh Jason, maybe we can take Max to a game sometime.

JASON

I dont think the Boys and Girls Club is meant for families like

ours, honey.

BOBBY

(Annoyed) The Boys and Girls Club is open to any and all

families.

SUZANNE

(Awkward pause. Attempts to change the subject) So Bobby, Tess

tells me you work on cars? It must be so nice to have a

mechanic in the family.

BOBBY

Yep, its all I know.

TESS

Actually, Bobby is being modest. We own Upper Eastside

Automotive, over there on 138th Street. Bobby is the best

mechanic in the City. He works on Regis Philbins car.

BOBBY

Oh honey, stop. Im sure they dont care.

SUZANNE

(Suzanne is very excited) Wow. Im impressed! I love Regis.

BOBBY

What is it that you do Jason?

JASON

I work at the New York Stock Exchange. Im a trader.

TESSWow, that sounds interesting. Doesnt it honey? I never know

how any of that works. I see the little ticker thingy on the TV

all the time about the Dow Jones and stuff, but I never know

what the heck it means.


17/22

SUZANNE

I know, I dont either and Im married to him. Its all too

confusing to me. Besides, I only watch the cooking channel.

TESS

Me too. I just love watching that Rachel Ray. But 30 minutes

to prepare a meal? I dont think so. Her 30-minute meals

usually take me over an hour! Plus the extra half hour at the

grocery store looking for all the ingredients. 90-minute meals

are more like it.

(Jason is tasting his wine like a professional wine taster and

Bobby is mimicking him by drinking his beer in his wine glass

while the girls chat)

SUZANNE

Oh my God, I know. You are so right. Okay, dont laugh, but

sometimes while Im preparing dinner, I pretend I have my own

cooking show.

TESS

So do I. (The girls both laugh. The men look bored) Ill

explain everything Im taking out of the pantry and talk about

chopping technique. See Bobby, Im not the only one that does

that. He was about to have me committed to Bellevue.

BOBBY

Yeah, but having you committed wasnt just because you act like

youre hosting your own cooking show. Ive got a whole list ofreasons why you should be shipped off to Bellevue. (everyone

laughs but Jason)

TESS

Well, raising two kids will have you going insane if thats what

you mean?

JASON

I thought you only had one child.

TESSOh, I was including Bobby. (Again, everyone but Jason finds

that funny)

SUZANNE

Jason, they have a beautiful daughter named Bella. Bella will

be starting at the Montessori school in the Fall with Max.


18/22

JASON

Youre sending your daughter to the Montessori school?

BOBBY

Yep. (Bobby is shoveling appetizers into his mouth)

JASON

The one over on the east side?

BOBBY

Yep.

JASON

Have you already been interviewed and accepted?

BOBBY

Yep. Tess says its the best and thats what my little girl

deserves. The best.

SUZANNE

I think its great that the kids will be in school together.

Tess, wouldnt you just love it if Max and Bella dated and

ultimately got married.

TESS

Oh, how cute!

SUZANNE

Max and Bella Goldstein!

BOBBY

Bella Goldstein. Goldstein? That sounds Jew..(Tess breaks in)

TESS

Whos ready for Pork Chops? Honey, do you want to help me bring

out dinner please?

(Bobby and Tess go into the kitchen)

BOBBYIf you think my daughter is going to marry the kid of that

arrogant prick youve got another thing coming. Were 5th

generation Italian Catholic.

TESS

Bobby, will you just stop.


19/22

BOBBY

Bella Goldstein. Are you kidding. I swear Tess, I would

die..(Tess cuts him off)

TESS

Bobby, calm down. Shes three. She puts noodles up her nose

and gets skittles when she poops. I think weve got a ways to

go before Im shopping for a bridal gown and a Yarmulke.

BOBBY

Skittles when she poops! No wonder shes bouncing off the

freakin walls when I get home from work. I hear youre

supposed to give them stickers when they poop.

TESS

Dont start with me Bobby. You arent here all day.

BOBBY

Youre supposed to do some sort of sticker chart. And then she

gets a little present when she collects like 10 stickers.

TESS

Are you serious? (pause) Youre serious? Youre seriously

starting with this right now? Dont talk to me about stickers.

You come home, bounce her on your knee a couple of times, grab a

beer and head into the garage for the night. Now get those pork

chops, get out there and make friendly conversation, or better

yet, dont say anything at all.

(Bobby and Tess pause at swinging door to living room, Tess puts

on big smile and then enters into the dining room carrying

dinner)

SUZANNE

Oh Tess, that smells wonderful. Did you get the recipe from the

Cooking Channel.

TESS

Well, yes and no. I kind of threw in my own little touches. I

hope you all like it.

(Awkward silence, Bobby digs right in and eats quickly. Tess

looks at him annoyed. Jason picks at his food and clearly

doesnt like it. A very long pause. Suzanne clearly notices

that it is not going well)


20/22

SUZANNE

So honey, why dont you tell Bobby and Tess about your upcoming

adventure.

TESS

Adventure? Oh, we would love to hear about it. Whats your

upcoming adventure, Jason?

JASON

Oh, its nothing really. A colleague and I are going on an

archaeology dig in Bulgaria this summer.

TESS

Wow, an archaeology dig. That sounds interesting doesnt it

babe?

BOBBY

So, Jason, what are you digging for?

JASON

Their called rescue excavations. Well be digging, brushing,

measuring, washing and cataloging artifacts.

BOBBY

What are you doing that for?

SUZANNE

Its always been a dream of Jasons to go on one of these digs,

so I got it for him for his birthday.

BOBBY

So this was his birthday present? See honey, and all I wanted

was the Football Network. So uuuhh, Jason, whats the point? I

mean, can you make some money off these artifacts you find?

JASON

No, its just for the experience.

BOBBY

Uh huh. So how long will you be there?

JASON

Well be out there for a total of three weeks.

BOBBY

Hey, you want an experience, try getting a metal detector and

head to China Town. Youll be shocked at all the shit you pick


21/22

up there. And outside of the cost of the detector, its free.

And you get to keep anything you find. Sounds like you are

getting ripped off my friend. I mean what a scam. Basically

you are doing some guys job while he collects the paycheck.

Unbelievable.

JASON

Well, Im actually hoping its a life changing and a very

gratifying experience. Im sure you wouldnt understand.

BOBBY

Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly. Youre probably

spending thousands of dollars to go digging for old stuff in

Bulgaria. Me and my brothers had to do the same thing in my

Grandmas basement when she died. But that was in Queens and

not so much an experience (uses hands to make quote signs) as it

was a pain in the ass.

JASON

Well, Im quite sure you cant compare your Grandmas basement to

my dig in Bulgaria.

BOBBY

(Takes a big bite of food and wipes his mouth) I just did.

JASON

Again, its always been a dream of mine and an experience that

not everyone gets to do in their lifetime.

BOBBY

(Elbows Tess arm) Hey honey, I wonder if I can get some

schmuck to come down to my shop, troll around for loose bolts on

the floor, dust, wash and catalog them for me, just for the

experience.

TESS

Bobby, why dont you help me clear the table. (Grabs his arm)

Well be right back with dessert. (Bobby and Tess start to

collect the plates and head to the kitchen)

(Interior Dining Room/Interior Kitchen as dialog between both

couples do back and forth)

JASON

What an idiot!


22/22

BOBBY

What an asshole!

SUZANNE

Jason, shhhhh, theyll hear you.

TESS

Bobby, shhhh, theyll hear you.

JASON

Sweetie, I tried, but come on. I dont have one thing in common

with this man.

BOBBY

Honey, this guy is a dork. Hes wearing slacks and has tassels

on his shoes.

SUZANNE

Well, I really like Tess and our kids will be going to the same

school in the fall. I thought it would be nice if we could all

be friends.

JASON

And thats another thing, I thought that school was supposed to

be exclusive.

SUZANNE

Oh Jason, dont be such a snob. Theyre good people. Bobby

works hard so that Tess can be a stay-at-home mom. She stayshome with Bella no different then me being home with Max.

Dont look down on them. Bobby volunteers at the Boys and Girls

Club and they have a nice home that they have welcomed us in to.

Please dont behave this way.

(Interior Kitchen)

BOBBY

I bet this little digging adventure of his is costing him over

five grand! How stupid is that?

TESSIts not stupid if thats what he wants to do. (Tess gets

dessert, chocolate mousse, out of refrigerator) Some people

might actually think spending $3200 on an old jersey is stupid!

BOBBY

Are you serious? (pause) Youre serious? Youre seriously

starting with this right now? Its an Eddie Price jersey Tess!

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