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COUNSELLING SKILLS
-INTERMEDIATE-
A WORKSHOP MANUAL
Joan GibsonCS2'C
MAY 1987
CONTENTS
S . CONFRONTATION Z9
6 . DIRECTIVES 35
SELF DISCLOSURE 3H
S . LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES 49
9, INTERPRETATION/REFRAMING 53
IO . INTEGRATION OF SKILLS 56
ll . REFERENCES 59
PAGE N0 .
POEM - On Teaching from "The Prophet" i .
I . INTRODUCTION Z
Z . THE BASIS LISTENING SEQUENCEANDPOSITIVE ASSET SEARCH IO
3 . SELF EXPRESSION I4
4, FOCUS : DIRECTING CONVERSATIONAL FLOWANDPROBLEM ASSESSMENT Z6
MICRO COUNSELLING
BASIC INFLUENCING SKILLS
HELPING AS INTERPERSONAL INFLUENCE
Helping may be for better or for worse .
What a helpersays to another person inevitably influences what happensnext in the relationship .
69e can never escape the factthat we influence our world (or that our world influencesus) .
Consider, for example, the following statement from thehelpee in a counselling situation :
Helpee, talking about experiences on a holiday in Paris .
2 .
"~ dvn'~ hno~ .
~ had a govd ~~me bud ~ d~dn'~ .
~ ~e~~uncom~o2~ab~e when ~ ~a~d ~ome~h~ng ~2vng .
the g~tvupseemed Q b~~ ~a~~e .
Qe~o2e ~ ~e~ti, ~ ~hough~ v~ ~e~~~ngthem 9 could nod a~~o2d ~~ .
m~ ~~~enda seem ~o be ~vvh~~Qa~~e2 me a~~ the ~~me .
~e o~~en a2gued and ca~~ed eacho~he2 nQme~ bud ~e ate ~~~~~ ~2~e~d~, you hnv~ .
S~~cepLch me ~2~end~, ~ h2o~ how ~he~ ~~~~ unde2~~and me ."
How would you respond to this helpee?
What would you saynext?
What emotions and experiences would you focus on?Write your responses below :
Your response, whether it is silence or a question, or areflection of feeling, influences what the helpee is likelyto say, think about or do next .
Out of a series of suchreactions, a helpee can "develop a new self concept","experience the world more fully", "develop new patternsof behaviour", "delve into the unconscious" or decide toterminate the relationship .
Depending on what you, as the helper do, the helpee willbe influenced positively or negatively .
Inexperienced helpers are often eager to find the "right"response to a helpee .
Trainers of helpers sometimesreinforce this desire to find the "perfect empathic"statement which will unlock the doors to the client'sworld and free the individual for more creative being.However, it is this very desire to find the "right"response which often destroys the natural functioningof the helper .
The issue is not which single response is correct buthow many potential responses are helpful .
Among the many possible responses to the above statementare :
7 .
Cou.Cd c~ou gave ~e ¢ ~pec~~~c exarrtp .Ce v~ ¢ ~ .~mewhen c~ou ,~e-C .t unconz~o~ .~ab.Ce vn the .t2~p?(Open question)
2 .
%heg
c¢-C,Ced you n¢me~?
No~u d.~d you 2e¢c .t .to~h¢~t?(Minimal encourager/open question)
3 .
2.~gh~ nv~ c~ou a eem hu2 .t and con~u~ ed bg .theen .t.~ae expe2~ ence .(Reflection of feeling)
~en~e .tha-t .the ho .C.~d¢g u~a~ ¢ ra~,x .~u2e v~.~h.~ng~ X02 c~ou .
l.Le¢~uae .i,n ~ee .~ng ne~u .~h.~ng~,.tense expe2 .~ence~ - e~pec~¢.L.Cg ~.n .L¢~ge g2vup~,cvn~u~~on abvu~ gout 2e .L¢~t.ton~h~.p cu~ . .th c~vu2~~~.end~ and nocu exp.lv2¢ .t.tvn v~ hvu~ gvu .ze,L¢ .tew~.~h c~ou2 ,~a.tend~ .( Summary )
5 .
Svme~~.rrze~ .~ h¢ve .t2vub .Ce ,~ee .L.~ng cont~o~ .t¢b .Ce.tn .L¢2ge g2oup~ .(Self disclosure)
The preceeding responses are a sample of the infinitenumber of "leads" available to a helper .
Each responseleads the helpee in a different direction and may behelpful to a greater or lesser degree .
3 .
The task of micro training is to enable helpers to realisethe vast array of possibilities which may be useful inexpanding your understanding and awareness of the helpee'sworld and, in turn, influencing that world by a positiveor useful direction .
THE HELPER AND HELPEE AS TEACHERS OF SKILLS
4 .
The helper is assuming a new and important role in society,that of direct teaching of helping and communication skills .The helper can work on a one-to-one basis through counsel-ling and therapy and can be of assistance to a few people .Or the helper can teach effective communication skills tomany helpees .
Beyond that, the helpee who is equippedwith attending and self-expression skills can resolve hisor her own problems and can assist others to do the same .
The helper of the future is likely to be a teacher - but ateacher with a difference .
As you move through thisworkshop, learn the skills and think about the potentialfor a new role - that of teaching people directly andimmediately how they can communicate more effectivelyand enjoyably with others .
THE NECESSARY EMPATHIC COMPETENCIES REQUIRED BEFOREUNDERTAKING TRAINING IN BASIC INFLUENCING SKILLS
Carl Rogers has been the most effective popularizer ofthe concept of empathy .
In his book, "On Becoming aPerson", Rogers says " . . . .to ~en.~e .t/ze c .Caert.t'~ paav¢ .~e~~o2 .Cd a~ ~~ .~~ u~eae ~oua vu~rt bu .t ~u~~itou .t -Cva .~ng ~fze"¢~ ~,~" gua.C.~ .tc~ - .~/z.~~ .~~ enzp¢ .~h~c" (Rogers, 1961 p28) .To this classic definition, Rogers adds that the therapistis able to "unde2~ .ta2d .the p¢~.~err..~'~ ,~ee.C .~rcg~", "~.~ neve2~2 douG.~ u~lza~
.tfze p¢.~~ ert~ ~e¢n~" ,
and
" .~lze .~vrce v,~
vv~.cecvnvec~~ ~lze corrzp.Ce~e ¢G~-C~ .~~ .to ~h¢~e .t/ze pa.t~.en .~'~,~ee~ .~2Q~" .
Before a helper actively engages in influencing anotherperson through self-disclosure, directions or confrontation,it is essential that the helper hear what the helpee hasto say .
Listen before you act .
The identified competencies of effective attending andlistening are the foundation stones of empathy .
BEYOND PRIMARY EMPATHY AND ATTENDING
TO INFLUENCE HUMAN GROWTH
The definition of empathy presented by Rogers is closelyrelated to what Carkuff (1969) terms "interchangeableresponses" or level three helping .
Carkuff talks abouthigher level or "additive responses" which help move thehelpee beyond the self to ne~a frames cf reference ar.dencourage deeper self-exploration .
Egan (1975) describesthis idea more clearly when he discusses "Advanced AccurateEmpathy"
He states that "C.L~en. .ta, .~~ ~thec~ ate ¢b .Le ~tvunde2~ .tand .them~e .Lve~ and ~the.t2 p~ob.Cem~ .tn ¢ ruac~ .thatena6 .Ce~ .them ~tv gee .the need ~v2 ac~t.tvn artd behav .tou2¢.Cchange, mu~~t be helped ~to get a mote ob~ec~t~.ve ~2ame o~2e,~e2ence .than orce ,favm cuh~ch ~thec~ have Geerc v~em~.n.g ~the.t2p2vG .lem~" (Egan, 1975 p68) .
Both Carkuff and Egan aresaying clearly that the higher levels of empathy requirethat the helper add something of her or himself to therelationship .
Detailed examinations of Carkuff's levels 4 and 5 andEgan's advanced accurate empathy reveals that the helperis expected to be able to assist the helpee in exploringareas of human existence that have not yet been considered .As part of this experience, focus must be also on thehelper's own world view and perceptions .
The helper mustshare him or himself to assist the helpee grow .
Clearly, however, the ineffective or awkward sharing ofhelper experience, the giving of manipulative or ill-timedinterpretations can destroy the most effective andempathic skills .
Throughout the micro training series, the "1-2-3" patternof helping is emphasized .
This simple framework isoriented toward a broad definition of empathy such asdescribed by Carkuff and framed by Egan .
5 .
1 - 2 - 3 PATTERN
1 . ATTENDING BEHAVIOUR
Before the helper does anything, listen to thehelpee carefully . Make sure the helpee hasbeen heard .
2 . INFLUENCING BEHAVIOUR
After attending to the helpee it may be suitablefor the helper to self-disclose, give a directionor an interpretation .
3 . CHECK OUT
After an influencing skill is used, re-directthe interview toward the helpee through aquestion ("How does that sound?")
Empathy, at its most basic level, is attending accuratelyto the helpee .
At its highest levels, the helper mustshare personal experience or interpret and add to theexperience of the helpee .
Selected factors for evaluating the quality of the additiveresponses of interpersonal influence are stressed in thisseries of Influencing Skills .
Specific qual-tative dimensions identified in this modelare :
l .
1-2-3 pattern .
2 .
The need to consider cultural - environmentalcontextual focus in any helping interview .
3 . IThe importance of concreteness in helping topromote "clarity" of understanding .
4 .
Immediacy in interpersonal relationships,particularly the value of here and now - inthis moment - responses .
5 .
Respect, enhancing statement about self andothers .
6 .
The importance of the helper being genuineand congruent within him or herself and inrelationship with the helpee .
In examining the helper's influence on the helpee, themajor question is "doee the he.Lpee change behav.f.oe~~thoughts 02 act.i.orc~ a~ a ae~~.Lt o~C the .~itte~ven.t .i..on. o~Cthe he.Lpea . "
One way to answer this question is to examine the verbaland non-verbal behaviour of the helpee on the same dimensionsof communication skills as the helper :
The troubledhelpee often comes to an interview with poor attendingskills .
He or she may have trouble maintaining eyecontact (especially on painful topics), may have inappropriatenon-verbal communication and may topic-jump frequently .
At the beginning of the helping relationship, helpees oftenfocus on external, sometimes irrelevant, topics ratherthan making self-oriented "I" statements . The troubledhelpee fails to show many of the important skills ofattending and influence and may appear vague as opposed toconcrete, lack respect for self and/or others .
These are all measurable characteristics within the frame-work of the micro counselling model .
The helpee in the process of growth becomes much like theeffective helper .
s .
Beyond the immediate interview, the effectiveness of thehelper's influence can be measured by the ability of thehelpee to take issues, ideas or behaviours from theinterview and apply them to daily life .
The real testof effective helping is whether the helpee takes what islearned in the interview and applies it to his ownenvironment .
The test of long term results of effective helping is :
DOES THE HELPEE TAKE WHAT IS LEARNEDIN THE HELPING INTERVIEW AND DEMONSTRATESKILLS OR CONCEPTS IN DAILY LIFE?
BASICATTENDING
SKILLS
/ SKILL \INTEGRATION
SKILL SEQUENCINGAND STRUCTURINGTHE INTERVIEW
REFLECTION OF FEELING
ENCOURAGE, PARAPHRASE, ANDSUMMARIZATION
OPEN AND CLOSED QUESTIONS
CONFRONTATION(Discrepancies, Incongruity)
INFLUENCING SKILLSDirective, Logical Consequences,Interpretation, Self-Disclosure,Advice/Information/Explanation/Instruction, Feedback, InfluencingSummary
FOCUSINGClient, Problem, Others, "We," Interviewer,Cultural/Environmental/Contextual
REFLECTION OF MEANING
CLIENT OBSERVATION SKILLS
ATTENDING BEHAVIORCulturally appropriate eye contact, verbal tracking, body language, andvocal qualities
1 .
Attending behavior and client observation skills form the foundation of effectivecommunication, but are not always the appropriate place to begin training .
2 .
The basic listening sequence of attending skills (open and closed questions,encouraging, paraphrasing, reflection of feeling, and summarization) is oftenfound in effective interviewing, management, social work, physician diagnosticsessions, and many other settings .
FIGURE 1-1 The microskills hierarchy. Copyright 1982 Allen E. Ivey,Box 641, hI . Amherst, Mass . 01059
- Different theories have differentpatterns of skill usage.- Different situations call for
different patterns of skill usage.- Different cultural groups have
different patterns of skill usage.
Five Stages of the Interview :1 . Rapport/Structuring2.
Defining the Problem3 .
Defining a Goal4.
Explorations of Alternativesand Confronting Incongruity
5.
Generalization to Daily Life
BASICLISTENINGSEQUENCE
THE BASIC LISTENING SEQUENCE AND POSITIVE ASSET SEARCH
The first thing that the helper must learn to do islisten . While INFLUENCING SKILLS TRAINING assumesthat participants have some experience and trainingin listening skills, this chapter is a brief review .
WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THOSE WHO PROVIDEHELPING?
We have all had problems in our lives whicr. proveddifficult .
Perhaps we were fortunate to find significant people to help us at the time .
Think of theperson or persons who helped you in such situations .List their characteristics and what they did to helpyou .
THE BASIC LISTENING SEQUENCE
The client often comes into a helping session confusedand disorganised .
The facts of the situation arerarely presented clearly .
The feelings may be hiddenor they may be so strong that nothing else matters .The major task of listening is to help the client sortthrough the facts and feelings and to organize thosefacts and feelings into a meaningful pattern.
To learn about the client's problem, use the basiclistening sequence .
l .
Open Questionsto obtain a general picture of the situation .
2 .
Closed Questionsto obtain specifics and to focus .
3 .
Minimal Encouragersto encourage further talk and elaborationof details .
4 . Paraphrasingto feedback the main facts of the situationas you have heard them .
5 .
Reflection of Feelingto feedback to the client the emotionsunderlying the situation .
6 . Summarizationto organise the many facts and feelings ofthe person and situation .
THE POSITIVE ASSET SEARCH
People grow from strength not weakness .
Carl Rogersemphasized the importance of positive regard .
In hiswork with clients and in his written work, one sensesa consistent emphasis on positive assets of the client .At first, one would think that the client has no assets,no hope .
But out of a dark morass of discouragement,Rogers always seems to find something positive to high-light .
The behaviourist would argue that Rogers was reinforcingpositive verbal statements about the self .
Regardlessof definition, `selective attention to positive aspectsof the person and situation appear to be a growth pro-ducing dimension in most helping theories .
The positive asset search, as a skill concept, isrelatively easy once you have mastered the basis listen-ing sequence .
Your task, as a counsellor, is toidentify something positive in a client or situation .
You can do this through :
- open questions
"What are some positive aspects of yourmarriage?"
"Could you tell me about a specific timewhen things were going well?"
other listening skills such as paraphrasingand reflecting of feelings about positivequalities and situations .
The concept is simple, the method relatively easy .The importance of positive asset search, positiveregard, positive reframing and behavioural asset search,etc is undeniable .
Poor counselling focusses solelyon problems .
Effective counselling balances problemsearch with a consistent emphasis on positive assetsand what the client can do about his/her situation .
SELF-EXPRESSION : You as Influencer
How can you communicate to another person that you carefor them?
How might you express an important idea toa group?
What about expressing yourself when you disagree with a friend?
How do you communicate who andwhat you are and believe to others?
While effective and meaningful self-expression involvesan infinite number of factors, they may be most easilyorganised around three skill clusters .
l .
Eye Contact .
If you are going to tell someonesomething, you will be most believable if youlook atfhim or her .
In U .S . culture, the personwho looks you "square in the eye" is considereda person to be trusted, one who is sure of himor herself .
An effective standing posture is more often withboth feet on the floor, a relaxed body, facialexpressions and gestures appropriate for thesituation, and a slight forward trunk lean .
The tone of the voice is also important and cancommunicate disinterest through "flatness",certainty through "depth", and excitement andinvolvement through differing tonal variations .
There is no single "right" set of non-verbals fora situation .
However, given a specific culture,some non-verbals tend to be more useful andcommunicate more than others .
Awareness of your-self and others is a beg~.nrt~ng .
The appropriateness of eye contact should also be
You may want to start noticing the points at whichyou break eye contact .
Often we stop lookingwhen we feel a topic is one where we aren't sureof ourselves or are talking about something difficult .
2 .
3 .
Staying on the topic .
If you have something tosay, ~ac~ ~. .t .
If you watch effective communicators,they talk about what interests them and soon othersare interested in it as well .
Those less sure ofthemselves "topic jump" and never get around tosaying what they mean .
considered . Neither constant staring nor a glassygaze communicates with people . Vary eye contactappropriately and show people that you are with~he~ .
Non-verbal Dimensions . Note hand movements,gestures, facial expressions . Is the foot jigglingif sitting or are you rocking back and forth ifstanding? Is the neck loose and relaxed . . . oris to tight and tense?
Fvcu~ on on.e .th.~n.g a .t a ~t .i.me .
And then, if youwant to know how your statement was received, askthe person or group to whom you are talking ifthey followed what you said or if he/they agreedor disagreed with you .
Whether their answer is"yes" or "no", you have useful data telling youwhere to go next .
Ivey (1971) describes a situation where the three conceptsof self-expression were useful to him :
" . . . .7 u~a~ ~tv make a p2e~erc .ta.t.~oit ~tv arc tmpv~ .tarc.t aud.tercceanal ~e .C~t m~~e.l~ a~uk~ua2d, .tense, and ~~tumb.C~n.g vve~ m~ruv2d~ .
.~ .thvugh .t ~to mc~ae .C~ o,~ the corccep .te o~ (~e.L~exp2e~~~vrcl .
.~ ~ea.C.t~ed .~ cua~ pa~ .trc~, ~v much a.t.terc.t.tvrc~to .the audience .that .~ cua~ ~o~c~.e .t .t~.ng, me~~e~C~ as a pe2~ort .7 Ge .L~.eved ~.n u~ha .t .7 had .to ~ae~ .
Hvw cvuLd 7 pu .t ~. .~acav~~?
.~ de.C~.be2a~te .Lc~ ~e.Caxed ~to pu .t me~ee.C~ .toge~the2(~ .~ cou.Cd be vb~eaved eaa~-C~ b~ anyone ~2 .the aud.terecelarcd .took a deep 62ea~h .
.~ de.C~be2a .te~e~ pu.t mc~ .though.t~gin. me~~e.L,~ and ~ .taa.ted .ta.Ck~.re~ abvu.t cuha.t .7 caged abvu .t .f oa
a
~hv~.t
.time
~.t uia~
au~k~uaad,
bu.t
~ovrc .7
,~02~.o .t .thatthad eregaQed ~.rt de .L~be~a .te behav.Lou~~ and u~a~ ".tuan.ed
on." and ".tu2re~n.g vn." .the aud~ertce . " (p .167)
A MAJOR flOQ~EV~R :
Effective though three simple concepts may be, it isessential that they be relevant to the context or situationin which you find yourself .
Sometimes it is best toavoid eye contact .
Different non-verbal gestures havedifferent meanings to different people .
Times come whenit is wise to change the topic and see what someone elsehas to say .
In addition, the descriptions here oftypical U .S . cultural patterns .
Subcultural groups inthis country and people from other countries may findU .S . gestures too aggressive and hostile, perhaps devoidof emotion and "genuineness" .
What works in one situationmay not work in another .
For example, eye contact amongsome peoples is considered rude and angry .
To summarise our definitions of effective self-expression :
1 .
Maintain eye contact naturally . . . look at peoplewhen you talk to them .
2 .
Use a relaxed non-verbal poature with appropriatevocal tone .
3 .
Stay on the topic . . . say what you want to say .After you have said it, check out what otherpeople have heard . .
On Silence
While silence may be defined as the absence of helper talk,silence does not mean absence of helper participation inthe interview .
Through non-verbal communication thehelper shows interest or may force the helpee to talk inmore depth ; as such, silence may be as active participationin the interview as telling the helpee what to do .
Examination of your use of silence in the interview may beconducted through three routes :
(i)
study of non-verbal communication ;
(ii) time counts of "per cent of talk time"(the interview is designed to give thehelper "airtime") ;
and
(iii) "response latency" which may be definedas the number of seconds between thetime the helpee finishes talking and thetime you start .
Beginners tend to have quick reactions ; more experiencedhelpers are more inclined to wait .
1 7 .
For example, assume that a helpee has come for assistance on the generalproblem of "lack of self-confidence" and that the behavior worked on inthe first session was vocal tone . In addition, plans have been made to gen-eralize vocal tone to settings beyond the training situation . During the samesession, however, the helpee also mentioned problems with family commun-ication and with ah overbearing boss . Other identified behaviors included poorlistening skills, slouched body posture, inappropriate smiling, plus an as yetundefined "I can't talk well."
. /18
Developing an Educational Program of Self-Directed Self-Expression
The five steps of self-directed self-expression provide a useful frameworkfor starting interpersonal skills training with an individual . However, over alonger period of training it may be useful to develop a systematic plan forvideotaping sessions.
It would be useful to set up a hierarchy of planned educational changefor the next few sessions which might look like the following:
Session II : Body posture and nonverbal communication.Session III : Effective listening skills .Session IV: Use of vocal tone, effective listening skills, and nonverbal
communication at home .Session V: Use of the above characteristics on the job.Session VI : Exploration of the concept "I can't talk well."
dSuch a program gives the helper an overview of the needs of the helpee anan overall orientation to the helpee that he or she can do something aboutthe problem .
Needless to say, the educational plan should be reviewed and revised dur-ing each session according to the needs and interests of the helpee .
h
It may be noted that the above program focuses on weaknesses and de-velopmental needs of the helpee . Although it does work sequentially on sys-tematic generalization of learned behavior to practical settings, it does notfocus on assets and strengths of the helpee . As such, Session I m~ght bestrengthened by a concrete emphasis on the pleasantness of the helpee'svocal tone . Pleasantness in this case could be operationally def`med as smootvoice (not loud - that is one of the issues) with a musical quality andcharacterized by clear diction.
In a similar fashion, each session shouldstrengths of the individual . In some cases,on noting strengths and how they may besituations . A training session without someonly partially successful .
sinclude some emphasis on the
it is useful to focus entire sessionused more effectively in problememphasis on positive assets is
Step 1 : Videotape the Situation to Be Analyzed
Self-directed self-expression is most easily presented to helpees as anopportunity to view oneself on television . Further, such self-viewing helps oneidentify strengths and weaknesses of communication . The helpee should befamiliarized with the video equipment and encouraged to relax in any waypossible . We have found that the attitude of the helper is most importanthere . If you are worried about the situation, the helpee will be concernedand potentially reluctant to go through the process. If you are relaxed andconfident (e .g ., have effective self-expression behaviors yourself), the helpeewill tend to react the same v~ay . An informal, casual, yet confident andprofessional attitude is appropriate .
The helpee must select a situation where she or he would like to improveher or his communication ettectiveness. The situation may be real or role-played.Brainstorm with the helpee possible situations for taping. These may rangefrom conversations with an employer to family issues such as a son cominghome late from a date to dealing effectively with a welfare office . The morespecific the sitrratiorr, the more effective the taping. With some helpees, adirect videotaping of a conversation between the helper and helpee on anissue of mutsal concern is helpful.
Videotape for three to five minutes a role-played or real situation. Use thespace below to take notes on the first step of the self-directed self-expressionprocess .
Step 2 : View the Videotape, Define Behaviors
Before viewing the videotape and discussing the short segment, take timeto check-out your helpee's internal reactions to the experience . Was it real?Was the experience anxiety provoking? Positive and/or negative thoughts?However, do not spend extensive time on this processing . Viewing of thevideotape will prove more valuable than internal speculation. If videotape isnot available, make the important distinction between general discussion andobservation of specific behaviors .
View the videotape . Stop and start the tape at critical points . If the helpeenotes anything either verbally or nonverbally, stop the tape . The helpee whenasked may state, "I didn't like myself at that point . I looked stupid.""Stupid"is not observable behavior . Ask the helpee to define more precisely what heor she saw or heard that appeared stupid . Surprisingly, you will often findhelpees able to define rather precise verbal and nonverbal behaviors closelyrelated to the attending and self-expressive skills . Lack of attending may bedefined as "I don't look at people" or "I interrupt too often." The objec-tive of viewing the tape is to identify specific behaviors that the helpeemight like to change or strengthen . The more specifically you define thebehavior, the more successful your training session will be .
Many helpees focus only on the negative . Make a conscious attempt tofind positive aspects of the helpee's behavior and don't hesitate to suggestthat the helpee use these positive behaviors more often .
Define below aspects of the videotape viewing and specific behaviors thatoccur to you.
Step 3 : Set Goals for Behavior Change
After developing a careful inventory of strengths that you and the helpeeobserve, list things that might be strengthened and/or changed in a repeatvideotaping. Keep this list brief and introductory .
The helpee should then select one of the above behaviors as that whichhe or she would like to change or strengthen . Emphasize that people didn'tlearn all their present behaviors in a one to two hour session and one shouldn'texpect to change them all in a short period of time . Self-directed self-expres-sion works best with precise behaviors . For example, a person who comesacross as "weak and insignificant" in a job interview may observe lack ofeye contact or a hand gesture that is selfdeprecating. Contract only formore frequent eye contact or for stronger hand movements - not both.
With some people - particularly in the advanced stages of work withvideotaping in self-directed self-expression - brief training in microtrainingskills such as open questions, paraphrasing, or directions may be useful .However, such training should be given only when asked for by the helpee .In self-directed self-expression, the helpee sets the goals, not the helper.
Use this space for the listing of goals and development of a possiblehierarchy of items for behavior change . However, you will find that helpeeswho change one behavior successfully often change other behaviors as well.
Step 4 : Second Videotaping : Viewing, and Observing Change
After a clear behavioral objective for change has been identified, videotapea second role-played or real situation closely allied to the first taping . Inthe viewing, glue special attention to changes in the specific behavior. Notealso possible changes in other behaviors as well .
With some helpees it is useful to count the number of instances of thespecific behavior in the first session and compare this count with similiarfigures from the second session . Those clients who respond to a highly be-havioral approach may want to set goals for the number of behaviors theywish in a specific setting .
With many helpees, it is wise to continue short practice videotape sessionsto ensure learning of the behaviors) selected . In some cases, it is appropri-ate to comment directly and immediately to the helpees duri~tg videotapingthat they have Forgotten to use the specific behavior agreed on .
Use this space for behavioral counts, observations of trainer behavior as theyrelate to helpee behavior, and for development of additional behaviors slatedfor change .
Step 5 : Generalization :~f Learned Behavior
Assuming that the helpee has demonstrated ability to modify behavior inspecific ways, it is important that plans be made to generalize the new con-cepts of self-expression beyond the laboratory . A role-played situation or abrief exchange on videotape is riot real-life despite the power of this train-ing format . Specific attempts to take behavior out of the training session tothe world at large are essential .
The framework of the do-use-teach contract is one approach . The helpeecould complete the following contract and report back to the helper the de-gree of success :
with
I agree to use
fic conditions :(Name of individual or group)
1 will report back my observations and experiences.
(Nameof speci is identi ied behavior)
under the following speci-
Supplementing this type of contract can be analysis of the effect of thebehavior on the individual or group. For example, if the helpee desired toimprove questioning skills, the helpee should be encouraged to note theeffectiveness of these skills on those to whom he or she talks.
List the behaviors which you or a helpee might want to change :
List the behaviors which you or the helpee see as assets :
Describe the situations where you might wish to apply these behaviors moreeffectively (the more specific, the more helpful) :
Order these data into a systematic educational program for use over a periodof weeks.
I . ATTENDING BEHAVIOUR
3 . CHECK OUT :
1-2-3 PATTERN
BEFORE THE HELPER DOES ANYTHING . LISTEN TO THEHELPEE CAREFULLY,
MAKE SURE THE HELPEE HASBEEN HEARD,
Z . INFLUENCING BEHAVIOUR
AFTER ATTENDING TO THE HELPEE IT MAY BE SUITABLEFOR THE HELPER TO SELF DISCLOSE . GIVE A DIRECTIONOR AN INTERPRETATION,
AFTER AN
INFLUENCING SKILL
IS USED .
REDIRECTTHE INTERVIEW TOWARD THE HELPEE THROUGH AQUESTION ~~~HOW DOES THAT SOUND?~~)
FOCUS DIRECTING CONVERSATIONAL FLOW AND PROBLEMASSESSMENT
People tend to talk about what other people talk about .This session seeks to define the concept of focus andillustrate its power in counselling .
Focussing isalso a useful technique for assessing problems (andassets) of the client .
Selective attention of specific words of the clienthelps determine what the helpee will talk about next .Similarly, the model you, as counsellor, provide helpsdetermine how open the helpee will be .
FOCUS ANALYSIS
Imagine you are talking to a client and he/she says :
"I 'm really uptight about the situationat work .
I don't see eye to eye withmy boss .
If I do what he wants, itwould be inefficient and unethical butif I refuse he could make things veryuncomfortable ."
When anyone talks to someone else it is assumed thatthe conversation topics follow somewhat logically .The concepts of listening stress this fact and itsimportance .
A complete change of topic in responseto the above statement (e .g . "Do you think it willrain?" or "I went swimming yesterday .") breaks theconversational flow .
Focussing your comments, whether self-expressive orattending, to something related to what the otherhas just said is helpful in maintaining conversational"flow" and keep talk moving smoothly .
An analysis of any client statement would indicatemany directions one could go .
It would be possibleto focus on the client's feelings, focus on others(boss), focus on problem (work), focus on your ownthoughts about the issue(s), focus on your relation-ship with the client or focus on the broader situationalcontext (professional ethics) .
For a full understandingof the problem all foci could be relpful .
The focus of your response or your comment heavilydetermines what the person you are talking with isZikeZy to do next .
A major influence in human communication is the focusof your sentence .
2 6 .
. . ./27
Six clusters of focus useful in analysing conversations :
1 .
Client focus
2 .
geZper focus
3 .
Other individual focus
4 .
Mutuat or group focus
5 .
Problem or topic focus
6 .
Cultural - environmental - contextual focus .
Focus can be mixed.
In fact, our conversations containa wide mixture of foci and topics in any sentence .
FOCUS AND PROBLEM ASSESSMENT
A logical extension of the focus concept is to elementaryclient assessment .
Example :
Client :
"Five years to retirement .
We didn'tplan well enough .
Our money is goingdue to inflation .
What can rae do?"
In the example above, you need to assess :
1 .
The client - who is he/she and how does he/shefeel?
2 .
Yourself/Counsellor - what is your part?
Whatare your parallel experiences,successes, blind spots?
3 .
Other - what about absent spouse?
Are therefamily members who are the keypeople involved?
4 .
Mutual or "we" relationship - what is yourrelationship with client?
Isthe cultural group such that a"we" focus may be more appropriate?
5 .
The problem - what is the problem?
What aresome current assets?
6 .
The cultural/environmental/context - should yoube talking about the issues of ageor inflation in society?
What arethe crucial situational variablesinvolved?
2 7 .
. . ./28
SELF-ASSESSMENTANDFOLLOW-UP
r~NG
/N1~~i
lN~G~NGrA'6 ~!!NL
~,~w~y o~ MEAN~N6
NCB ,4N0 i~Ef~~GTIA'Gl~'lP" rf~NllYG
lN6, /~19PflPfi~9~/NGA.P~ZfJT/oNi+NO 51iI~ _
1 . The ability of the interviewer to focus the session on many differsareas offers you considerable possibility for controlling and managtthe session . This control can be used to help clients be sure they explcmany broad issues relating to their concerns. At the same time, tquestion of control raises important professional and ethical issuesinterviewing practice. Important among these is who should be respcsible for direction of the interview . Some argue that focusing makesimplicit issue explicit and frees the interviewer to help the client e~more. Others argue that any form of control in the interview shouldavoided . What is your position on this important issue?
CONFRONTATION
- is an extension of Advanced Empathy .
- goals of confrontation are to help clientof feeling, experiences and behaviour thatbeen reluctant to explore .
Confront positives about client too!If counsellor confronts responsibly,confront himself .
What should we confront?
4 .
Evasions -
2 .
Distortions -. the way we perceive the world is often
an indication of our needs, hang-ups,fears, etc .
Help client see beyondhimself .
3 .
Games, tricks and smoke screens -
5 .
Behaviour values -
explore areashe's so far
client will learn
e .g . client may be overly suspiciousof everyone due to several bad experiences .
e .g . of counsellor being "hooked" intoplaying client's game - "You're so goodto me (but don't ask me to change)"Client gives counsellor gifts, compliments,etc .
e .g . client blames others for things thatgo wrong or claims they don't have theresources for a particular action program .Counsellor can help client through this byenabling her to see both sides, by makingclient more concrete "What've you tried?"(and therefore less evasive) .Confrontation should help client move froma defensive position but shouldn't makeclient feel defenseless .
2 9 .
to
Can challenge value conflict in client'slife .
Don't challenge values directly -too threatening unless they're self or otherdestructive values .
Can challenge clientto establish value priorities .
. . .l30
Discrepancies -between what we think and feel,between what we say and do,between our view and other's view of us,between what we are and wish to be .
Manner of confronting
Confrontation should (i) be an invitation to employ unusedstrengths and resources,
How?
(ii) increase probability of clientachieving his goals,
and action,
2 . Tentatively
Non-accusatory
(iii) increase client's self-understanding
(iv) be an invitation to explore client'sbehaviour not a punitive accusation .
l .
In spirit of Advanced Empathy which is often a formof confrontation in itself .
add qualifications e .g ."Have I got it right?"
" I ' m wondering . . ."
and leave room for client to add stuff andelaborate .
if it's too strong, client will have touse his energy to recover from the blowinstead of to assimilate and work withthe confrontation .
N .B . : confrontation is for client, not to proveyourself right!!
3 .
With care
(i)
Involvement - if you find yourself standing offfrom client you're not confronting with care .
(ii) Motivation - to help client not to ventfrustrations, get back at client, put himin his place, score, etc .
(iii) Relationship between counsellor and client .Must establish real rapport first .
It growsorganically from the helping process and isbased on care and respect .
(iv) State of client - judge present ability ofclient to assimilate, i .e . if confused, dis-organised, very emotional, not good idea toconfront .
4 .
Successive Approximationa gradual confrontationhe has to make it his own or it won't last
break client's undesirable behaviour downinto smaller concrete unitstake easiest behaviour to change first .
3 0 .
On the Quaiiiy +~~~ isefyng itefatiooair~~~v
; :r~ia : . : ;ta :
The effective helper meets and cope ; with srtuatiuns directly and forth-
31 :rightly . The ability to express oneself clearly - to "say what you mean andmean what you say," is central to any helping relationship . Confrontation -the accurate pointing out of discrepancies in an individual - is basic to self-directed self-expression and many other helping skills .
Confrontation is usually defined as a challenge and is often discussed as aconflict . A dictionary definition of confrontation is "to stand in the face of,""to face in hostility . . .to oppose ." Given this definition . i t may be seen thatmany self-disclosure statements could be classified as confrontations . E.g . . "I
am going to stop you" is an expression of content : or "[ am outraged bythat" is an expression of feeling . Clearly confrontations of this nature caneither help or hurt . The effectiveness of these statements will depend onthe context, the individual, and the specific timing of the intervention .
For purposes of this training manual, however, confrontation will be definedmore narrowly as the polrrting out oJ
.discrepancies between or among attitudes,
thoughts, or behaviors. [n a confrontation individuals are faced directly withthe fact that they Fmay be saying other than that which they mean, or doingother than that which they say .
The advantage of this definition is that it is clear and has been demon-strated to have considerable value in helping oneself or another person lookat a situation more realistically and accurately . The definition of confronta-tion focuses heavily on the fact chat people are not always congnrent andconsistent .
Helper confrontations ("you") might include :"You say constantly that you are going to get up on time and getto work, but never do.""You find yourself having mixed reactions to what I say. One sidewants to agree, the other to fight and disagree ."
"You keep saying you love your wife, but you constantly bicker andargue.""Your words say you are comfortable talking about sex, but your lackof eye contact always comes when we talk about the topic."
Self-focused confrontations ("I"] used by the helper or helpee might in-clude:
"I say I want to help myself stop smoking, but I just keep on.""I think I intend to study, but I never start."
Dual-focused confrontations ("you" and "I"} might include:"Right now, you seem to be saying that our relationship has beengood, but my experience - in this moment - is that we simply aren'tcommunicating.""You say that I understand you, but I feel puzzled and am not sosure that I do. Let's explore that some more."
The definition of confrontation presented above stresses the followin¢ fac-tors :
1 . A confrontation focuses on discrepancies between or among attitudes,thoughts, or behaviors .
2 . A confrontation focuses on objective data. The more factual andobservable a confrontation of discre ancies, the more helpful itmay be. Confrontations are most effective when non-evaluative .
3 . Confrontations may be focused on self, the helpee, or any otherof the several dimensions of "focus ."
4 . Any verbal statement may be scored as containing or not containinga confrontation.
5 . Finally, a confrontation is not a blunt statement of opinion or emo-tion which disagrees with someone else . 'These are expression of con-tent or expression of feeling statements.
. . ./ 3 2
The objective nature of a CO..uvillal1U11 - used appropriately with suitabletiming - can be most helpful in aiding a client examine oneself or in help-ing people of varying opinions examine their differences.
Determining whether or not a confrontation is helpful is very much anindividual matter . Confrontations used inappropriately rnay~ be destructive, atother times neutral . A positive confrontation leads to further self-examinationof the discrepancies and possible resolution of varying trends . The issue ofdeciding whether or not a confrontation is helpful is complicated by thefact that the helper, the helpee, and an external "expert" may all view the
same confrontation differently.
A possible goal is to work with helpees so that they notice and describetheir own discrepancies, thus confronting themselves .
As a first step toward measuring the quality of a confrontation, we wouldsuggest scoring a confrontation as "positive," "neutral," or "negative" ("+,""0," or "-") . Individual differences in ratings provide helpful data for dis-cussion and more thorough understanding of confrontation and its effects .Further references and an alternative view of confrontation may be foundin Berenson and Mitchell (1974) or Carkhuff (1969) .
Confrontation Exercises
Video vignette number 7 provides an interchange which provides theopportunity for a confrontation.
Helper :
Al, how are things going with Betty?
Helpee : ~ Well, things are going very well . I, you know, I don'tmind the fact, the fact that she's gone all the time any-more. I think it's okay that she goes out and worksevenings at the office . That, that, yeah, that's okay. Imean, it's really, it's realty fine . The kids and I wentout and saw a movie last night. Ah . . . and it was agood movie . So, it was okay. Yeah, I think things aregoing well . (All said in a flat monotone.)
Non-confrontations from the helper might include :
Confrontations might include :
Sounds tike things are going better for you.(Paraphrase)
What you say sounds phoney to me .(Self-disclosure)
I've had similar situations where things were hard at thebeginning and later got better. For example . . . (Self-disclosure)
Al, you say that things are better, but your voice andexpression suggest that perhaps it isn't there yet. (Para-phrase plus reflection of feeling)
At this moment, I hear you saying that things are better,yet my experience with you is different . It reminds me
32,
. . ./33
Central to any confrontation is the pointing out of discrepancies. Con-frontation is not disagreeing with the helpee . Many people think of a chal-lenge such as "What you say sounds phoney to me" as a confrontation.While the statement may be~ based on discrepaa :.ies in the helpee's behavior,it does it~~t point out clearly to t}ie helpee what the discrepancies in behaviorare . A confrontation must point out discrepancies clearly and precisely.
Following are some helpee statements . Make confrontive and non-confron-tive responses to each .
1 .
Helpee : I'm making plenty of money . X2.10 an hour. Only problemis that I seem to spend it faster than I make it . For my age, that'sgood money . I think I know wlrat I'm doing and can take care of it .
2 .
3.
Non-confrontive statement
Confrontive statement
of tlm tune when 1 told my spouse that I didn't carefor those late hours, but l was awfully angry inside andwould~ ;'t admit it . (Paraphrase plus self-disclosure)
Helpee : My parents are getting along well . Oh, they argue now andthen, but basically about minor things . They are really neat people,they never pressure me. 1 feel terribly guilty about not being ableto get a job which they approve of.
Non-confrontive statement
Confrontive statement
Helpee : (in angry voice with fists clenched) My wife and I neverargue, we get along very well . The problem is my job; my bossdoesn't understand me .
Non-confrontive statement
Confrontive statement
4 . Helpee : Drinking is no problem for me . I never
Non-confrontive statement
Confrontive statement
drink before lunch .
33 .
. . ./ 34
DIRECTIVES
We communicate to influence and affect with intent .Directive giving is the clearest example of some helpers'desire to influence others .
that what you want to happen is clearand understandable to others .
Effective directives can result in effective and immediatechange :
directives play a significant part inthe therapeutic process,
the way directives are given can be asimportant as the directives themselves .
Marshall McLuhan has stated "the media is the message" .Effective direction giving means not only clear directivesbut you, as counsellors, communicating that your messageis worth receiving .
What is your present ability to give directives?
Select a topic and give someone else or a small groupdirections .
Note below your feelings about giving directives and addto this feedback from those to whom you gave directives .
DIRECTIVES : PUTTING YOUR IDEAS ACROSS
Three dimensions of effective directive giving :
appropriate verbal and non-verbal behaviourto support the directive,
35 .
. . ./ 3 6
- concrete and clear directives,
- checking out with your client whetheror not the directive was heard .
As a first step, directives should be defined .
Someexamples of directives in a counselling session include :
"Sit back in your chair, close youreyes, relax ."
"Repeat what you just said ."
"After you leave here, count the numberof times you find yourself puttingyourself down to others ."
"Concreteness" in direction giving refers to clear verbalspecificity .
The more clear the statement the morelikely the directive will be heard .
Compare :
"You try that again" vs "The first time you were lookingat your hands .
Say it again and look at me this time ."
"Don't do that" vs "One of our agreed upon rules in thisgroup is to talk one at a time .
OK, let's start with Sue ."
"Tell me more" vs "You just said you had a scarey dream,then you wandered off to a discussion of dreams ingeneral .
Give me some specific things that happenedin the dream that frightened you ."
When a series of directives must be given, it is moreeffective to give them one at a time breaking them downstep by step .
CHECKING OUT
"Have your right hand talk to your Zefthand . "
"I want you to take a test ."
Always ask your client to re-state the direction or askif your directives were understood .
Allow sufficienttime to make sure your ideas were followed .
Specificexamples of check-out include :
"Could you tell me what I just said?"
"Are the directions clear?"
36 .
. . .l 3 7
EXERCISE
SELF DISCLOSURE
Self disclosure is " .ta-Lfz~2g abvu~ v2e~e.L~ v2 ~/za2.i.n.g.pe2~on.a.C expe2~.erzce~, enzo~~orr.~, a~t~ .~~tude~ u~~.~fz a2o~tlze2" .The careful use of self disclosure in helping sessionscan facilitate client growth and exploration .
Two important issues in relation to self disclosure are :
l .
Effective listening skills must precede selfdisclosure .
Unless you have indicated tothe helpee that you have heard him or herthoroughly, self disclosure may be inappropriate .
First, listen to your client .
Second, useself disclosure appropriately .
Third, checkout with the client how the self disclosurewas received .
2 .
Many professional schools of helping considerself disclosure unprofessional .
Thus, selfdisclosure needs to be viewed carefully fromboth theoretical and practical points of view .
What would you be willing to self disclose?
Expressing your feelings and thoughts demands that youhave something you are willing to talk about .
38 .
Self disclosure is not an easy skill for many counsellors .Disclosing one's feelings of anger, fear, love or joyis not always in a person's make-up .
Some find it easierto express negative emotions, others can express onlypositive feelings and thoughts .
One of the tasks inlearning this skill is to examine your personal style ofself disclosure and to consider whether or not you wishto develop this skill as part of your helping style .
Another task is to learn to share your self with a helpeein an appropriate way .
Some helpers become so excitedabout self disclosure as a valid helping skill that theytalk about themselves and fail to attend to the client .Providing self disclosures that help the client look moredeeply into him or herself is not easy .
Yet when welldone, self disclosure can set in motion a mutual orreciprocal relationship that creates an interaction thatrejuvenates .
An introductory name game provides a variety of topicsof differing levels of depth which it would be appropriateto look at .
. . ./ 3 9
CATEGORY I
Favourites .
Write your favourites for each of thefollowing :
1 .
Your favourite water place
2 .
Your favourite breakfast
3 .
Your favourite way to spend Saturday night
The second area is places .
Places where things importanthappen to us .
Complete the following :
1 .
A place where you experienced a "miracle" or
something special
2 .
A place where you came close to death
3 .
A place where you experienced love
People are important to us .
Put the names, interestsor symbols of
1 .
Someone who is nourishing and giving to you
2 .
Someone who has caused you anguish
3 .
Someone with whom you have unfinished business
4 .
Someone with whom you are tied closely
We often look at ourselves too harshly .
It is time tostart valuing what we are and what we believe .
Listthree things about yourself you like and value :
39 .
. . ./ 4 0
PRACTISING SELF DISCLOSURE
Select a topic you would like to talk about .
Spend afew minutes talking about it with someone .
Make noteson the following :
l .
What were your feelings when you started to share
something of yourself?
2 .
How did the other person respond?
similar or, related experiences?
to you?
3 .
Complete the following sentence stem :
experience I learned
Did they share
Did they listen
From this
THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTENDING DURING SELF DISCLOSURE
Sharing oneself with others can be a constructive andfacilitative experience, but an essential requirementis that someone listens to what you say .
Nothing will stop you talking about yourself fasterthan someone interrupting, disagreeing, criticizing-- or worse -- ignoring you . If you are to share,someone must attend and attend carefully .
The same, of course, holds when someone is sharinghim or herself with you .
EXPRESSION OF FEELING, EXPRESSION OF CONTENT, AND SUMMARISATION
Three microcounselling skills which are part of selfdisclosure, are also important skills in their own right .
I .
EXPRESSION OF FEELING
An expression of feeling is defined by any statement inwhich the helpee expresses emotionally laden words .
4 0 .
An expression of feeling should be compared to a reflectionof feeling (an attending skill) .
Both emphasize emotionallyladen words but in the reflection of feeling, the focus is
almost invariably on the client and the client's emotionalexperience .
EXAMPLE
CLIENT (REFLECTION OF FEELING) :
"~~ ~ee~a ~v ~e 2~gh~nom ~ha~ you a2e ~e22~G~~-u~~e~,_~v~2~ed and con~uaedaGou~ ~ha~'a happen~ng .~
________
HELPER (EXPRESSION OF FEELING} :
"~ aen~e ~n ~~~e~~~~~~~a2 ~ee~~ng~ o~ hu2~ and ~2u~~2a~~on ."
II .
EXPRESSION OF CONTENT
Any statement which focusses on facts, ideas or informationwith minimal emphasis on emotional experience is classifiedas expression of content . The giving of advice, opinions,suggestions and reassurance all represent expressions ofcontent .
EXAMPLE
CLIENT :
"2~gh~ now ~hLng~ a2e ~e22LG~e .
~~ ~~~e~on'~ speak ~v tee, ~ ~h~nk 9 ~an~ ~o heave,Guy 9'~ a~2a~d ~o Ge a~vne .
9'~ ~u~~con~u~ed ."
HELPER :
"~ can unde2~~and ~ha~ .
Sounds ~~ke ~vuneed ~o fake ao~e ~~~e and ~h~nk ~~ vve2 .One need nv~ 2u~h ~n~v dec~a~on~ ."(Expression of content - Advice)
OR
"%ha~'~ dough, bud you ~~~~ Ge able ~vvve2cv~e the p2oG~e~ ."(Expression of content - Reassurance)
OR
"f~2~~, ~vu could heave 2~gh~ nvm .Second, ~vu could, e~c . . . ." .(Expression of content - Sugges tion )
OR
"Svund~ ~v ~e ~ha~ the hv~e ~~~u¢~~on ~~d~~~~cu~~ .
~an~ people ~n ~ou2 ~~~ua~wnhave expe2~enced the ~a~e ~h~ng~ ."
(Expression of content - Sharing Information )
A wide array of possibilities for helping exist using theskill of expression of content .
"Sharing information"is the most common expression of content type and representsthe main style of daily conversations we encounter .
Anyof the above types of expression of content may be usefulin a counselling interview .
If used excessively, they maytend to deny the client's world and allow little chance forexploration of emotion .
. . ./ 4 2
If you were to listen to a single day's conversations,you would tend to find most human interaction tends tofocus on expression of content .
While this may benecessary, it also results in people who are relativelyunaware of emotional experience, and who find itdifficult to share their inner world with others .
III . SUMMARISATION
The central purpose of summarisation is to put yourexpressions of content and feelings together in acomprehensive form .
In effect, summarisations are siriiilar to expressions offeeling and expressions of content, except that thetime period covered is larger and involves a broaderrange of issues .
The time period for summaries couldbe as short as five minutes or could be as long as afull interview .
Such summaries have potential valueto help you organise your thoughts . . . and they havepotential value to the client as they can see "whereyou are coming from" more clearly .
Summarisation, as a self expression skill, should bedifferentiated from summarisation as an attending skill .The difference is on focus and on who initiates theinformation .
Summarisation (attending) focusses on what the helpeehas said .
Summarisation (self expression) focusseson what the helper has said .
EXAMPLE OF SUMMARISATION (SELF EXPRESSION)
To a client suffering from examination anxiety :
4 2 .
"~~a~ 9've beet ~a~~2g ~~ ~ha~ 2e~axa~~vn ~~ vne 2vu~e~vma~d coping ~~~~ ~vua ~en~~v2 2e~a~ed ~o exa~~ .
9~h~~k 9 ~en~~vned ~ha~ ~an~ pevp~e ~u~~e2 ~~~~~a~ pwb~e~e,bud have vve2cv~e ~~e~ ~~2vugh del~be2a~e ~e~axa~~on .9 a~av ~a~d ~~a~ ~~e ~n~~2uc~~v~~ ~ gave ~vu ~vu~d ~egu~2ep2ac~~ce and de~~beaa~e e~~o2~ 02 ~oua pa2~ ~o use ~he~ .~~a~ a2e ~v~e v~ ~vu2 aeac~~vn~ ~v the p~vgaa~~e?"
SELF DISCLOSURE
Four key aspects of self disclosure are :
1 .
Use of pronouns representing the self, such asrr~ rr ~
rrm~ rr ~
nm~ ~ e-L ~ rr
If you are going to engage in self disclosure, use the. . . . . . . . n ..personal pronouns 9 , me , ~~ .
If you are talkingabout yourself, talk about yourself .
Consider thefollowing :
The
can
"Svnte pevp.Le have .t2oub .Le cu~~th .the~2 p¢Zen. .t~ . "
"lheck
cau~ e
a -Co.~ v~ g2.~e~
"l=2 .~en.d~
ate govd ,~v2 .Cv~a
o~ pev/~,Ce . "
"2a~n .~~ ¢ g.vvd .t h~n.g . "
Real self disclosure demands a focus on " .7" .
If thefirst statement were rewritten with a focus on self itmight be :
" .~ am having troubles with ircc~ parents . "
Rewrite the last three statements from an "I" reference .
2 .
Use expressions of personal feelings and personalcontent but with awareness that feeling responsespersonalise the session .
ability to express one's emotions facilitates andstrengthens human relationships . Microtraining has twobasic skills - expression of feeling and expression of
be found in the statement .
For example (affective words italicized) :
or
cu .f.~h
.~he .~2
ntart~ pu.Ca .t~.ort~ .
"I went to the movies yesterday .
I saw a Western ."
"lUv~u!
What a g2ubb~ movie !
%vv2 acting,
.Lvu~c~plot .
I was bv2ed ~v dea .th!"
43 .
. . ./ 4 4
content - which help clarify this area and are besttaught in relation to each other . The basic differencebetween an expression of content and an expression offeeling is whether or not affective or emotional words
Exp . content
Exp . feeling
Exp . content
Exp . feeling
3 .
4 4 .
"My parents are in the hardware business .
They'vebeen married twenty years ."
"My parents are gvvd people .
They try /za2d .
I.C.Cke the way they get along with each other .
Buttheir pressure on me /zu2~~ and is getting me dv~unand depae~~ed ."
The first example in each above are expression of content,the latter are expression of feeling .
Expression ofcontent is useful in expr-essing "reality" or even yourattitudes and opinions .
However, expression of contentdoes not give away any indication of how important an ideaor person is to you .
The expression of your feelings viaaffective words helps others sense "where you are comingfrom" .
Non-verbal expressions of touching, appropriate movementsin the face or body also express emotion .
A straight,rigid posture under heavy emotional strain communicatesemotion as well .
Take one of the following topics and write expressions ofemotion and of feeling which you might use .
Women'sliberation, gay liberation, Black power, sexuality,aggression, power .
Consider the tense of your self disclosure .
Presenttense responses tend to be the most powerful butpast and future may be relevant as well .
What is the time frame of the self disclosure?
Are youtalking from the distant or recent past, the present,"here and now - in this moment", or the future?
Generallyspeaking, the more immediate the statement, the morepowerful the self disclosure .
People who talk solely inthe past or in the future can avoid dealing with the mostconcrete and important issues .
Consider a person talking about a sales job :
Past :
"9've been. a ~a.Ce~pea~vrt ,~v2 a .Cvng ~t.Cme ..7've dune u~e,C.C, Qv .~.terr. cvn~~.~~ten,~ 2a.i~e~ .9've a-C~uac~~ .Caked .~lze u~o2k . "
Resent past : "13u .~ .La~e.Cc~, 9've been. hav.i.ng .~avub.Cege.~.t.Crcg necu ~a.Ce~ .
%evp.Le seem .tv
bebaak~Crr.g a .~ me . "
. . ./45
Here and now - in this moment : "2~gh.t noun .~'rrz ~uortde~~n.ghow .~ cart pu.L .L ou.t o~ .~~ . Look, ntc~ handy ate~hak~ng!"
Future :
"GUha~t ~hou .ld .~ dv next?
.art a ~e~u gea2~, 9~u .i, .C .C be a~ 2e~t~.2enzen. .~ age .
GUha~ ~uou .Cd anv .tlze~fob Cook .C~ke?"
Or, a helper talking to a helpee about marriage difficulties :
gout cortce2n,~ .
Here and now - in this moment :
"A~ .~ gee c~vu .th.l~m.Crzu .te, .~ ~en~e c~ou2 hu2 .t anal ~ea2 .
2.tgh~tnoun, .7 ~uan~ c~ou .tv krcvu~ ~tha.t .~ ~ea .C .Cc~ cageu~ha .t happen . "
Future :
".~ can. ~rrzag~n.e .the d~~~~.cu-l.~.i,e~ c~ou an~t~c.Cpa.~eart .the ,~u~u2e . "
Immediacy of verbal expression is basically an exercise inpast, present and future tense .
The more recent orimmediate the conversation, the more powerful the experience .It must be stressed that past or future experiences can bebrought into the moment and re-experienced .
Talking aboutone's parents and their marriage and its effects on anindividual can be related to present emotional experiences .
Meaningful self disclosure can occur at all levels ofimmediacy .
Psychoanalytic approaches, for example, stressthe past and its relation to the present .
A behaviouralapproach to helping may stress the future and develop hereand now means to reach that future .
Existential-phenomenological conceptions tend to stress here and now -in this moment - interactions .
To experience more fully the concepts of immediacy, completethe following giving personal statements from a variety oftime frames .
Use "I" statements and expression of contentor feelings .
After completing this, have someone else goover your statements and score them for the three dimensionsof self disclosure .
1 .
Your feelings about work .
Past
Recent past
-
Here and now - in this moment
Future
45 .
. . ./ 4 6
Past : "you'vev~ gou2
~a .~d ~tha .~ c~ou2 pa~en.~~ d.Cdrt' .~ app2vventa22 .Cage . Cvu.ld c~ou .te.C-L rrze u~hg?"
Recent past : "Ove2 .the paa~t ~eu~ cueek~, c~vu have cvrrzeac2o~~ ~to me rrzv2e c.Lea2.lg a~ a pe2~vn. . .7've.Caked .the ~uac~ you ~ee~n .tv be able ~to .tack-Le
2 .
Your feelings about your childhood .
Past
Recent past
Here and now
Future
3 .
Your ideas about government .
Past
Recent past
Here and now
Future
4 .
Your feelings about being a helper of others .
Past
Recent past
Here and now
Future
5 .
Your thoughts and feelings about a problem youcurrently have .
Past
Recent past
Here and now
Future
4 .
Relate self disclosure responses to the statementsof the client .
Try to maintain parallelism .
4 6 .
The fourth dimension of the skill of self disclosure isthe degree of parallelism .
Self disclosures of thehelper should relate to what the client has said .
Selfdisclosures too far away from the client's experiencetend to block the client from further exploration ofconcerns .
On the other hand, .self disclosures relatedto the client's world may facilitate the relationship andpersonal growth .
. . ./47
Helpee :
"~'m ~Co~ .t,
m~ w.t,~e and .7 ~u~ .t can ' .t makeanc~mo2e .
iUe don'-t cage, use ~.tgh .t a.C .l the.tame . . . (~~.gh) acu,~u-C . . "
Helper :
(Non-parallel) " .I've ~e.C .t .that uac~ too .Svme.t .i .m e~ .~ have .t2vub.L~e ge.t.t~ng up .tn -themo2n.~ng and cvm~.ng .to cuvak . "
( Parallel)
" .7
~ ee t~ou no~u a~
hu2~t .tng .I've had ~tha~t au~~u-C, .t .~2ed ~ee.l.tng .tvv . . .~.~t ' ~
a-Cmo~ .t
a~ -~ ~
~.~
~.~n' ~t
u~o2 .tlz
~t~c~.tn~ ..7~ .tha .t cuheae c~ou ate no~u?" (Present tense)
(Parallel)
"yvu2 ~ee.C.tng o~ .t~..zedne~~yea-L .C~ comes ac2o~~ .to me .
A.t vne po~.n .tmg u~.~~e and .~ ~ .tmp.lc~ cou.Cdn'~t even .ta .lk ~tvvne ano~the2 .
.7,t u~a~ Zea.L .l c~ .tough . "(Present, then past tense)
Helpee :
",7 aea-L-Cg ~ee~ govd abvu~t .tha.t .la~ .t exam .7 .thank mac~be .7 even gv .t a "Q" . "
Helper :
(Non-parallel) "%ha~t'~ gaea.t .
.7 know hocuc~ou ~ee-L, .~ rua~ ~ua .t nominated ,~o .z ~teache~v ~
.the
~ea2 . "
(Parallel)
".7.t makes me ~ee .C gvvd .to aeec~ou ~o happc~ and ~u~e v,~ c~ou2~e-L~ . "(Present tense)
( Parallel)
"Supea!
.~ 2emembe~ hvui,~e.C .t when .~ ~.~na.C.Cg began .tv unde~~ .tand~~a~t.~~ .t.ic~ a,~ .te2 a.C-L ~tha~t cvn,~u~ .~vn . "(Past tense)
4 7 .
The first parallel response in each of the examples aboveattempts to present here and now - in this moment -responses and the second relates to past experience ofthe helpee .
Parallel self disclosure responses are easierto produce in the present tense .
Both the helper andthe helpee are there to share, experience and interpreta present tense self disclosure .
Our actions produce consequences for
The skill of logical consequences ishelping clients anticipate what willof their present course of action .
ACTIONS AND CONSEQUENCES
What are the likely consequences of ignoring the needfor healthy eating habits?
Many clients come to the counselling situation with theconnection between actions and consequences lost .
Think of specific situations where you and/or othershave lost the connection between action and results .
Record some situations .
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
For example :
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
The process of learning in our culture ison the consequences of actions .
Client actions planned for the futureconsequences for the client's life .
us and for others .
concerned withhappen as a result
Spend some time thinking about how actions and consequencesbecome separated .
heavily based
are likely to have
Changing a job for one that offers more salary - maydisrupt family life through a move which may, in turn,cause other problems .
Alternatively, the same move
4 9 .
. . ./SO
may bring positive consequences .
Making client's aware of likely consequences of theirbehaviours, if done sparingly and carefully, may behelpful in counselling .
l .
WARNINGS - are forms of logical consequences .Warnings inform the client of thenegative possibilities involved ina decision or action and theconsequences that may result .
Warnings tend to :
reduce risk taking,produce conformity,centre on the anticipationof punishment .
2 .
ENCOURAGING RISK TAKING AND ATTEMPTING NEW TASKSa more positive form of logicalconsequences .
centre on anticipation of reward,
use techniques such as asking theclient to imagine the positiveconsequences of rewards of a newbehaviour (e .g . being assertive) .
Logical consequence may, at first, seem to be a type ofcoercion or moralizing .
Yet it is a rare human behaviourthat does not have both benefits and cost, and it is thecounsellor's task to help the client sort these out whileworking towards a decision .
In providing a logical consequence response :
1 .
Through the basic listening sequence, make surethat you understand the situation and the waythe client understands it .
2 .
As a client moves toward a decision, encouragethinking about positive and negative possibilitiesin the decision .
This is often done byquestioning .
3 .
Provide -the client with data on both positive andnegative consequences of the decision or action .If he or she thinks only in negative terms, helpthe client think of positives .
If he or she isthinking only in positives, prompt thinking ofnegatives .
so .
4 .
As appropriate to the situation, provide the clientwith a summary of positive and negative consequencesin a non~udgmentaZ manner .
With many people thisstep is not needed ; they will have made their ownjudgment and decision already .
5 .
Let the client decide what action to take in counseling situations .
In teaching or management, you mayhave to decide at times and actually enforce theconsequences .
Logical consequences can be used :
to help people sort through issuesmore completely,
in ranking alternatives when a complexdecision is needed .
INTERPRETATION/REFRAMING
Interpretation is defined as the act of reframing or re-defining "reality" (feelings, attitudes, behaviour,situations) from a new point of view .
There are multiple numbers of interpretations possibleto describe any one person, group, organisation orculture .
The more interpretations available, the freerthe counsellor is to be of assistance and more opportunityfor "understanding" to develop .
INTERPRETATION AND CREATIVITY
The roots of interpretation lie in creativity, the abilityto make something new from what already exists .Creativity demands being able to see things from a newand different perspective ; being able to assembleexisting pieces into new wholes and being able to takethings apart and reconstruct a new picture .
Creativity training can help you prepare for interpretationand develop readiness and ability to see the alternativepoints of view necessary for interpretation .
INTERPRETATION - A MORE PRECISE DEFINITION
l .
Reframing and the concept of frame of reference .
Interpretations vary with the world view and frame ofreference of the person presenting the reframing .
2 .
The "depth" of an interpretation .
Interpretations can be divided into surface and depthinterpretations .
(a)
Surface Interpretation - names obvious featuresof the immediate situation .
(b)
Depth Interpretation - usually relies on atheoretical construct which is often unseenand abstract .
Ivey (1971) comments :
~3 .
Interpretation has traditionally been vieraed as a mysticalactivity in which the counsellor reaches into the depthsof the clients personality and provides . . . a new insight .Horaever, when one conceives of interpretation as merely anew frame of reference, the concept of depth becomes Zess
. . ./ 54
formidable .
Viewed in this light the depth of a giveninterpretation refers to the magnitude of the discrepancybetween the frame of reference from which the client isoperating and the frame of reference supplied by thecounsellor .
Any new or different frame of reference might be accept-able and potentially heZpfuZ but it must be timedappropriately and be reasonably congruent with thepresent status of the client .
3 .
Interpretation as related to other skills .
Interpretation is concerned with presenting alternativeframes of reference from which to view situations,problems or issues .
Attending skills such as paraphrasing or reflection offeeling focus on hearing another person accurately .
Self-disclosure skills focus helping client andcounsellor share experiences .
The value of the interpretation is gauged by the person'sreaction to this new, possibly more functional, frame ofreference .
INTERPRETATION/REFRAMING
The objective in practicing interpretation will be toenable a client to reframe/reinterpret the situation .
This new frame of reference may :
enable client with new behaviour andactions,
- or the client may simply think differentlyabout it and live with it more comfortablyeven though no objective change occurs .
Techniques for using interpretation :
1 .
Identify general situation .
2 .
Search for repeating pattern .
3 .
What to do r~ith a pattern once discovered .
4 . ReframinglDerefZection .
5 .
Once a pattern has been identified and refrained itmay be heZpfuZ to develop specific actions andcontracts to change behaviour .
54 .
. . . l5 5
INTEGRATION OF SKILLS
The beginning counsellor searches for the "right"response . This search for the "correct" thingto say often results in an awkward, uncomfortablestyle, disruptive to the interview .
Experienced counsellors seldom think of "correctresponses : .
The skills have been integrated intoa smooth natural style .
To achieve your own natural style, it is importantto integrate the skills in your own way .
ADDITIONAL MICROSKILL LEADS
The microskills hierarchy presents three additionalskills not given major emphasis in either BasicAttending SkiZZs or Basic Influencing SkiZZs . Theyare defined below briefly .
Reflection of meaning is an especially useful skillwhich can change the entire tone of an interview .Once you have mastered the basic listening sequence,it is a relatively easy skill to learn .
When learning reflection of meaning, you must firsthave data from the client which relates to meaningand value issues .
This is obtained primarily throughcareful listening or questioning which stresses theimportance of the key words "meaning", "value", and"sense" .
For example, let us assume a client hasdiscussed issues of difficulty in dealing with adivorce or death .
After feelings, you can then exploremeaning .
"What sense do z~ou make of this?"
"What meaning does that hold for z~ou?"
"What values does that represent?"
"Why is that important to z~ou?"
"What purpose in Zife does that represent?"
~s .
Reflection of meaning looks much like a paraphrase orreflection of feeling with the exception that the words"You mean . . ." or "You value . . ." are used .
The toneand level of the interview becomes deeper and moremeaningful as value issues are discussed .
Confrontation
skills are particularly helpful as many counsellingand interviewing sessions involve value conflicts ."On one hand you value . . ., but on the other . . ." .
Advicelinformation/instructionlexpZanation may be bestclassified together as "other" skills, for there aremany ways in which we provide data for others (praise,suggestions, reprimands, etc) .
These skills have notbeen stressed in Basic Influencing SkiZZs as they areclosely related and would tend to overbalance theimportant skills of interpretation, self-disclosure,and others presented here .
57 .
This is not to deny the value of these skills .
Manyeffective counselling methods use advice and instructionto help clients change and grow .
Overused, these skillscan drive a client away .
Used sparingly with effectivetiming, they can promote change as effectively as anyother skill .
Basic to effective use of these skills are the samedimensions related to the influencing skills here :
1)
timing and appropriateness of theintervention to fit unique clientneeds ;
2)
concreteness and specificity inpresenting the data ;
3)
checking-out carefully to ensurethat your information was heard .
The influencing summary often appears at the end of theinterview when you have worked with a client and wantto ensure that what you have said is remembered .
Theskill involves simply restating your own key pointsfrom the session .
In actuality, most summaries nearthe end of the interview involve both attending andinfluencing summarisations .
The distinction betweenthe two is that the attending summary is from the frameof reference of the client and the influencing summaryfrom the frame of reference of the helper .
RCf-CRENCCS
130L1ON, Robea.~
Peop.Ce Sk~..C.h : flow .to A~ .~en .tJoua~e.L~, L.~~.ten .to O.thea~ andRe~o.Cve Con~.C.~c.~~Paen.t.i.ce-fla-C.L .7nc .
Nem ~e2~e~1979
CSAN, Se~aad
%he Sk.i..C.Ced fle.lpe~ :
A A1ode.C ~.oaSe~~.tema.~ .i .c fle.Lp.i..ng and 9n.teape~~ona.CRe.Ca.~ .i.ngl3~ook~lCo.Le Pub.C.~~h.~ng CoCa.L.~~Co2n.i.a, 1975
9VCiJ, A.L.Len L~
7n.~en .~.e.ona.C 9nte2v.c.em.c.nQ, andCoun~e.L.L .i.ng.Q~ook~lCo.le Pub.L.~.~h.~ng CoCa.L.i.~oan.~a, 1975
7VCl, A.L.Len C and
!3a'.i.c 9n~.luenc.c,n~ Sk~..L.hSLUCKSICRN, Noama Q
M.i..c~ot2a.i_n .i.ng. A~~oc.i.a.te.~ 7ncNoa.th Amhe2~ .t, Ma~~ .
1976
7VCtl, A.C.len C and
lia~.i.c 9n~.Luenc.i.ng. Sk.i.L.C~ 2nd Cd .SLUCKSiCRN, No~ma Q
M.i.caotna.i.n.~ng. A~~oc.i.a.te.~Noa.th Amhen~ .~, Mae~ .
1984
ROSCRS, Caa.l R
On l3ecom-ing. A Pennon
floug.h.~on M.~~C~C .L.~n Company, l3o~~on1961
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