Cougars

Cougar : a female mammal of the homo sapient family, 35+ years old, found throughout most populated areas. A capable stalk-and-ambush predator, preying on males, cougars can frequently be seen in urban and suburban densely-populated habitats with liquor licenses. A cougar's preferred prey item is usually but not always male, Cougars favorite prey are men who have hair and get erections naturally. Typically solitary and territorial, cougars have been frequently observed hunting in packs while individual territory sizes depend on terrain, vegetation, and abundance of prey. A cougar's prime predation hours are late evenings to early mornings and especially during weekends. Cougars will typically leave their cubs with relatives, ex-husbands, ex-in-laws or an overnight sitter while hunting.

Physical characteristics

Cougars are slender and agile standing 5 to 6 foot in height, without heels, with the ideal specimen averaging 36" inches around the chest, 26" around the waist and 36" around the hips and buttocks while weighing anywhere between 100 to 135lbs on average. The cougar's head is well maintained with a luxurious and frequently dyed mane and a painted-on face. The cougar has 10 claws on their forepaws and 10 shorter claws on their hind paws which typically are painted the same color. The cougar's skin varies in color from specimen to specimen and even between siblings due to natural skin pigments, make-up, sun exposure and spray on tans. Hair color, design or absence of hair in the pubic region of the cougar varies according to the cougar's preference and whether the carpet will match the curtains but typically the hair is darker than the mane in which the norm is a landing strip or a small semi-triangular patch.

”Man is a Cougar's number one prey”

Be on the look out for this carnivorous beast

Be Careful Out ThereYou Never Know When You

Might Be Their Next Prey

If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to pass it along