Copyright ed young, PhD 1 The Structure of Family and Organization Roles on Children’s Personality Development The Structure of a Hypothetical but Typical

copyright ed young, PhD1

The Structure of Family and Organization Roles on Children’s Personality Development

• The Structure of a Hypothetical but Typical Set of Parents: Father as Enforcer of Discipline - Mother as Caretaker

– In the beginning this structure seems natural but roles begin to, and slowly, progressively, polarize

• As roles polarize, parents communicate less and children differentiate their concepts of what to expect from each

– Children learn how to tell each parent a different story, how to manipulate each parent, and how to play one off against the other

• The more successful the children are at these games, the more alienated they become from their own true selves and true feelings


An Example of a STRUCTURAL ANALYSIS

of the Analogous Roles of Institutional Staff Compared to Parents vis-a-vis Youth

By Comparing these two sets of Role Structures: we can gain a perspective on how Structures,

in and of themselves, have powerful, determinative influences on the way personalities of our youths are

developed. From this perspective, we can explore how to RESTRUCTURE surrogate parent roles to

promote healthier development.


The Interaction of Conflicting Parental Roles and Styles of Child Rearing

and Their Effects on Their Children

Parental Roles and Styles Are Never Exactly the Same.

Sometimes These Differences Result in Conflict and a Process of Polarization of Styles

That Escalates Over Time.


She’s too soft.

I need to get harder.

She’s too soft.

I need to get harder.

I need to get softer.

He’s too hard.

I need to get softer.

He’s too hard.

CYCLE OF POLARIZATION TO INCREASINGLY

EXTREME PARENTING STYLES

Increasingly harsh discipline

Increasingly sympathetic understanding

Polarization of Roles and StylesFROM INITIAL HARMONY AT THE BEGINNING OF MARRIAGE TO THE BIRTH OF A CHILD AND FROM THEN ON, PARENTS OFTEN SEE EACH OTHER AS BEING ‘TOO MUCH’ IN THEIR PARENTING STYLE AND COMPENSATE BY GOING A LITTLE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. EVENTUALLY THEY ARE POLARIZING TO GREAT EXTREMES AND AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS BECAUSE OF IT!


Polarization Has a Negative Effect on the Child’s Development

Parent AParent B

ANGRY HOSTILE SYMPATHETIC

COMFORTINGUNCONSCIOUS MOTIVATION

Maybe I’ll do something really bad and blame it on A and B will take up for me as an ally against A and make A look really bad and be lots of trouble for A!

Implicit Parent A Implicit Parent B

“I hate you A. I won’t listen to you. When you boss me around, I’ll find some way to not do it or to mess it up. You, too, can to to H! I’ll go to B. B will be sweet to me and listen to me tell about how bad I think A really is!”

Child of A + B

I wonder what is wrong with me? Since A hates me, there must be something wrong with me!

If A hates me and B loves me, maybe I really am bad and B just feels a need to pity and be pitied.

Parents Taking Opposite Stands Toward the ChildImplant Impossible Conflicts in the Child,

Setting the Child at War in Its Head, Causing the Child to be Preoccupied With Unresolved Conflicts and be Stressed,

Unable to Focus, and Plotting Schemes to Resolve the Conflict


FATHERResponsible for Finances,

Being Forceful, and Forcefully Disciplining

Children

MOTHERResponsible for Health, Welfare, Emotional Well Being, and Persuasive Discipline of Children

Child # 1 Child # 2 Child # 1 Child # 2

The Polarization and Specialization of Roles of Parents Vis-a-Vis Children in the Family


In families there are trends toward the polarization of parental roles. Children’s behavior adapts to this pattern by learning deception and manipulation.

Such a differentiation of parental roles leads to forming alliances and siding with one parent and developing opposition and deception toward the other, polarizing the parents against one another.

FatherResponsible for financesand forceful control of and discipline of children.

Parents polarized on purchases, distribution of goods and tasks, and control of behavior

MotherResponsible for health and welfare and persuasive discipline of children

Father: Children go to him for purchases. Superficially obedient, diplomatic, pretentious, deceptive, and resentful toward father.

Mother: Children go to her for sympathy, nurturance, and to get out of harsh demands, prohibitions, and punishment from father. Disobedient and manipulative toward mother but open and honest. Sides with mother and tries to form alliance against father.

PARENTAL ROLE DIFFERENTIATION AND ALLIANCES

Child # 1 Child # 2 Child # 1 Child # 2


THE POLARIZATION OF STAFF ROLES VIS-A VIS YOUTH IN THE INSTITUTION’S ORGANIZATION


The Polarization of Staff Roles Vis-à-vis Youth in the Institution’s OrganizationTeaches the Youth to Manipulate, Deceive, Play Dorm Parents off Against Counselors

Supervisor and Dorm Parents

Responsible for

Enforcing Order and Peace in

Dorms and Institution

Director of Case Work

and Counselors Responsible

for Counseling, Privileges

and Recording Progress

#1 Youth Relates to

Counselor as good parent

and Dorm Parent as Bad Patent

#4 Youth Relates to



#2 Youth Relates to



#3 Youth Relates to




COORDINATING AND UNIFYING ROLES WITH A SINGLE MISSION HELPS TO OVERCOME THE STRUCTURAL CAUSATION OF CHILDHOOD PATHOLOGY


The Role Structure of Institution Staff and Parents Is Analogous and Has Similar Negative Effects

• An institution’s Supervisors & Dorm Parents & a Family’s Father are enforcers & dispensers of withdrawal of privileges, punishment, & negative feedback to children. Youth perceive them in a negative light, learn to be deceptive toward them, & contrast them with the Counselor/Mother. Alliances are seldom formed with enforcers against nurturers. Enforcers have final control & are targets of demands, resentment, & grievances. The stress both feel in working for peace & survival is repaid by the youth with alienation.

• An institution’s Counselors & a Family’s Mother are the comforting, understanding, nurturing ones who dispense the goods. Youth perceive them in a positive light, tend to play on their sympathy, confide their hurts, fears, hopes, & desires in them & contrast them with the Dorm Parent/ Father. Children often form alliances with the Mother/Counselor against the Father/Dorm Parent. Mother/ Counselors are both in similar positions as children dependent on the Dorm Parent/Father who has the ultimate, enforcing control.


BONDING

MATURITY COACH

ADOLESCENT

REPLACING IMPLICIT OTHERS WITH MATURITY

COACH

WORLD VIEWTRANSFORMED AND NOW

SEEN THROUGH THE LENS OF THE

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Copyright ed young, PhD 1 The Structure of Family and Organization Roles on Children’s Personality Development The Structure of a Hypothetical but Typical