Coping with PetBereavement

Organisations who offersupport and informationPet Bereavement Support Service:(Run by the pet charity, The Blue Cross and Society forCompanion Animal Studies)Support Line: 0800 096 6606Open daily 8.30am-8.30pm; calls free and confidentialEmail support: pbssmail@bluecross.org.ukwww.bluecross.org.uk

EASE Preparing for Pet Loss Support Programme:www.ease-animals.org.ukOffers online support for anticipated pet loss.

More sources of supportThis leaflet has been produced for theAPPCC by Jane Matthews, author ofLosing a Pet: coping with the death ofyour beloved animal. If you feel inneed of more support in dealing withyour bereavement copies of Losing aPet, price £3.99, are available fromall UK branches of Pets at Home, orby post, direct from the publishers call01908 670080 or visit the website:www.smallbooks.co.uk

This leaflet is produced by the Association ofPrivate Pet Cemeteries & Crematoria (APPCC)

Based in the UK, the APPCC is currently the only organisationin Europe setting standards for the cremation and burial ofpets such that owners can understand the service being

provided. All our members adhere to a strict code of practiceto ensure that high professional standards are achieved and

members provide a genuine, personal and reliableservice that will offer peace of mind to the bereaved.

Handing your pet over for cremation is an act of trust.We strongly advise you to use, or to ensure yourveterinary practice uses, an APPCC member.

To find your nearest facility or for helpin choosing a memorial please visit

www.appcc.org.ukor telephone our National Helpline+44 (0) 1252 844478

Published by the Association of Private Pet Cemeteries and Crematoria

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GrievingFeelings are nature’s way of enabling us to deal with lossand to heal from loss. Accept you will have good days andbad days, and remember that sooner or later – as with anybereavement – time will begin its healing process.

• Take time off from your normal routine.We’re very good at insisting ‘life must go on’. Taking timeout is a way of acknowledging to yourself the depth ofyour loss.

• Make your healing your priority. That means puttingyour needs above other people’s for a while.

• Treat yourself with the same love and compassion youwould a friend. Be your own best friend right now.

• Try not to dwell on comments made by well-meaningfriends and colleagues suggesting for example, that “it’sonly a pet” or “ just get another one ”.

The best offriendsFriend, companion, comfort –our pets can mean so much inour lives and many of us areunprepared for the extent ofour grief when we lose them.

Rather than deny our feelings itis important to recognise whatour pet has meant to us. Notonly has their love for us beenunconditional, they have givenus a chance to love them back.

Our pets tolerate our moods and our bad days. They let us beourselves and do not waver in the depth of their love.

That’s a huge thing to lose and it is quite usual and normalto feel as deeply as we would at the loss of any dear friend orloved one.

Difficult feelingsWe all experience loss differently; there are no rules aboutwhat you feel or how you should react. Besides feelings ofsadness you may experience any or all of the followingemotions:

Shock and denial: It’s very normal to go through a period ofnumbness or disbelief, a feeling of being disconnected fromeverything and everyone, especially if your pet’s death wasunexpected.Guilt: Perhaps you feel you should have done more orought to have been able to prevent your pet’s death in someway? Guilt is a very common emotion and yet you werealmost certainly doing the best you could at the time.Anger and blame: When things go wrong it’s natural tolook for someone or something to blame. Working throughstrong emotions like anger is an important part of healingbut do make sure you find a safe outlet for your feelings.Depression: We rarely experience grief ‘in a straight line’.Rather, it can be like a roller coaster, leaving us feeling out ofcontrol. But if you find yourself, months later, feelingpermanently heavy-hearted, and wondering what there is toget up for, you may need to seek professional help.

Children and bereavementChildren react to the death of a pet in many different ways,depending on their age and what else may be going on intheir lives. If they are already struggling, perhaps with schoolor friendships, the loss of a pet’s unconditional love andapproval can trigger some powerful emotions. If it is theirfirst experience of death, they may find it very confusing andhave lots of questions.

Even though you may be grieving, it’s important to givechildren the space and permission to talk about theirfeelings – and to answer their questions as honestly aspossible without going into distressing details.

But there are no rights and wrongs when it comes to loss.Some children are not deeply involved with their pets, or mayappear more curious than upset. Teenagers, especially, maystruggle to show or share any emotion, but may still needunderstanding and reassurance from the adults aroundthem.

Your choicesYou may already have made the decision about whether yourpet is to be buried or cremated. The Association of PrivatePet Cemeteries & Crematoria (APPCC) offer a compassionateand professional service that can be helpful while you aregrieving and they can talk you through which choice is bestfor you. If you rent your property or move frequentlycremation gives you more choice about how you handle yourpet's remains.

Whatever you opt for, do allow yourself the opportunity tocommemorate your pet, celebrating the love, joy andfriendship your pet brought to your life. Most pet crematoriaare now able to offer a wide range of caskets and memorialplaques for you to choose from.

Another pet?If you have another pet at home itcould be grieving for thecompanion it has lost. It may needthe company and friendship asmuch as you do. Remember youwill not be replacing the lost pet,but extending your love to anotherpet who may need a loving, caringhome.

Putting your pet to sleepMaking the decision to put your pet to sleep isheartbreaking. However, by making the decision youare showing how much you love your pet, because youdo not want the suffering to continue. It is the greatestfinal gift you can give your pet.

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