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Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Conversational Intelligence®
Juliann WieseMaster Facilitator
The Creating WE Institute
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Our Intersection Actuaries are experts in:
• Evaluating the likelihood of future events—using numbers
and statistics.
• Designing creative ways to reduce the likelihood of
undesirable events.
• Decreasing the impact of undesirable events that do occur.
Conversational Intelligence gives us abilities
in:• Predicting and influencing patterns of interaction.
• Designing patterns of interaction to enable us to strengthen
relationships and business success.
• Decrease the impact of undesirable events by increasing the
power to create and influence positive outcomes with others.
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
begins with elevating the level of trust that you create with others –and ends with the quality of interactions and conversations that result.
Conversational Intelligence
– Judith E. Glaser
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
How Good are WE at Conversations?
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Rate Your Conversational Intelligence
1 2 3 4 5Not
ImportantWhen I have
time
Self-aware of my
impact & mindful
everyday
When conversations
are difficult
I am self-aware & I have to work on impact
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
How often do you pretend to be listening, but you are not internalizing what is being said?
How often do you get into conversations where you really know you are right and are focused on convincing others of your position?
How often do your emotions detract from your ability to listen to what others are saying?
How often do you find others are not understanding what you are saying and you need to tell them over, and over again?
How often do you show concern for others' needs, interests, and aspirations?
How often do you tell the truth about what's really on your mind?
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Why Leaders
Fail
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
The brain treats many social threats and rewards with the same intensity as physical threats and rewards (Lieberman, & Eisenberger, 2009).
The capacity to make decisions, solve problems and collaborate with others is generally reduced by a threat response and increased under a reward response (Elliot, 2008).
The threat response is more intense and more common and needs to be carefully minimized in social interactions (Baumeister et al, 2001).
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Neurotransmitters, Our 5 Brains & the Conversational Dashboard
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Neurotransmitters• These chemicals open us up to connecting in healthy
ways– Dopamine – Oxytocin– Serotonin
• These chemicals mitigate our ability to elevate our C-IQ and close us down from connecting in healthy ways
– Testosterone – Adrenaline – Norepinephrine– Cortisol
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
5 Brains
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Level I Level II Level III
Conversational Intelligence Dashboard™
CortisolOxytocin
PROTECTFightFlightFreezeAppeaseDistrust
PARTNERTrustIntegrityCompassionForesightReality Gaps
I-WE
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Five Mistakes that Lower C-IQ (Influence)
Tell-Sell YellSyndrome
Ignoring Other Perspectives
Addicted to Being Right
Disengaged Listeners
Allow Emotions To Affect Listening
“I-Centric” Behaviors
Activates Cortisol
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Ignoring Other Perspectives
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Tell-Sell-Yell Syndrome
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Addicted to Being Right
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Disengaged Listening
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Allowing Emotions to Affect Listening
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Why is Listening so Hard?
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Blind SpotsWe make assumptions
Distrust changes our reality
We can’t empathize when we are fearful
We remember what we think, not what we hear
Meaning resides in the listener
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
How our Blind Spots are Created
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C-IQ In Action
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Star Skill #1 Build Rapport
• Warm words
• Handshakes
• Transparency and vulnerability
• Inclusive agenda setting
• Environmental considerations
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Star Skill #2 Empathetic Listening
• Listen to connect
• Focus on appreciation
• Explore other’s perspectives
• Listen without judgment
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Star Skill #3 Discovery Questions
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Are you asking…
Vague open-ended questions, such as “How are you?”
Closed ended questions, such as “Are you going to finish that project?”
Leading questions, such as “Shouldn't you be taking notes on this?”
Questions you know the answer to, such as “How many times have we had this conversation?”
Or are you asking questions that open up others to share and be vulnerable with you?
“When you shared your thoughts about the project I saw you smile about one of the ideas – what were you thinking about? You looked excited!”
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Conversation Stoppers and Starters
Versus…What do you find the most stimulating about your job?
What has the weather been like compared to last spring in your hometown?
What articles have you been reading that have caught your interest?
Tell me about the ways you spend your free time on the weekend?
How was your weekend?
Isn’t the weather terrible?
Did you read the HBJ article on data management?
How was your weekend?
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Star Skill #4 Reinforcing/Celebrating Success
• Validate common goals
• Focus on the relationship
• Eliminate uncertainty
• Create shared meaning
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
Transformational Conversations
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Shape & Prime Environments
I WE
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The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
… and it’s
in all human beings
We just need to learn to
understand it and it!
Conversational Intelligence
is the
intelligence for our times.
Copyright 2015. Benchmark/
The Creating WE® Institute All Rights Reserved.
For More Information Contact:
www.conversationalintelligence.com
www.creatingwe.com