Conversation Skills: Conversation Skills: When I DisagreeWhen I Disagree

DefinitionsDefinitionsWordWord DefinitionDefinition

compromise the settlement of a dispute with a solution that benefits both parties

criticism an opinion that points out someone’s faults

respect consideration or thoughtfulness toward another person

constructive criticism pointing out a mistake in a manner that is carefully considered and meant to be helpful

When I DisagreeWhen I Disagree

Calm down before speaking Calm down before speaking Find Find somethingsomething to agree with in to agree with in

what the other person is sayingwhat the other person is saying ““Sure, but…” or “OK, but…”Sure, but…” or “OK, but…” Tell why I feel differentlyTell why I feel differently

Adapted from Navigating the Social World by Jeanette MacAfee

When I When I Disagree…Disagree…

Listen to the Listen to the other personother person

Continue to Continue to respond in respond in positive wayspositive ways

Don’t go on too Don’t go on too longlong

Treat others Treat others with respect with respect

Treat Others With Treat Others With RespectRespect

Consider the feelings of Consider the feelings of othersothers

Use positive messages (I Use positive messages (I statements)statements)

Avoid:Avoid:– Name callingName calling– Emotional statements Emotional statements

(like “that’s stupid!”)(like “that’s stupid!”)– AccusationsAccusations– ““You always___” You always___”

or “You never____”or “You never____”

Agree or Agree or Disagree?Disagree?

Jazz is the Jazz is the most most interesting interesting kind of kind of music.music.

Agree or Agree or Disagree?Disagree?

Pepperoni Pepperoni pizza is the pizza is the best.best.

Agree or Disagree?Agree or Disagree?

Dogs are smarter than cats.Dogs are smarter than cats.

Agree or DisagreeAgree or Disagree

The most important subject in school The most important subject in school is math.is math.

Agree or Agree or DisagreeDisagree

Non-fiction is Non-fiction is more more interesting interesting than fiction.than fiction.

How can I feel How can I feel better when I better when I disagree with disagree with

someone?someone?1.1. AGREE TO DISAGREE!AGREE TO DISAGREE!

AGREE to DISAGREEAGREE to DISAGREE

Well, if that’s what you think…?

I guess we just think differently.

Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

You do it your way and I’ll do it my way.

How can I feel How can I feel better when I better when I disagree with disagree with

someone?someone?1.1. AGREE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE!DISAGREE!

2.2. Search for a Search for a Win-Win Win-Win solutionsolution

Search for Win Win SolutionsSearch for Win Win Solutions Win Lose – “I win and you’re a Win Lose – “I win and you’re a

loser”loser” Lose Win – “Whatever you Lose Win – “Whatever you

want”want” Lose Lose – “We’re both going Lose Lose – “We’re both going

down”down” Win Win – both nice and tough Win Win – both nice and tough

at the same time: “I won’t at the same time: “I won’t step on you, but I won’t be step on you, but I won’t be your doormat either”your doormat either”

CartoonCartoon

From 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey

Win Win = CompromiseWin Win = Compromise

the settlement of a dispute with a solution that benefits both parties

CriticismCriticism

Constructive?Constructive?Hurtful?Hurtful?

an opinion that points out someone’s faults or mistakes

““That’s absolutely That’s absolutely ridiculous. That will ridiculous. That will

never work!”never work!”

““I’m not sure if it will I’m not sure if it will work that way, maybe work that way, maybe

you could try this”you could try this”

““Oh man, you’re so Oh man, you’re so gross, you spilled sauce gross, you spilled sauce

on your shirt.”on your shirt.”

““There’s some sauce There’s some sauce on your shirt. When on your shirt. When

that happened to me I that happened to me I wore my jacket the wore my jacket the

rest of the day.”rest of the day.”

Give Suggestions – Give Suggestions – Constructive CriticismConstructive Criticism

Accepting “Criticism”Accepting “Criticism”

Stay calmStay calm Decide if it is constructive or hurtfulDecide if it is constructive or hurtful

Constructive?

“OK, I’ll think about it”

Hurtful?

Treat it like teasing – ignore!

Let it Go!Let it Go!

www.time.com

So, what do you think?So, what do you think?

Sure ya can, Bill!

“So, what do you think?

Can you disagree

with someone

and still be friends?”

When I disagree with someone I When I disagree with someone I will…will…

Discuss it calmlyDiscuss it calmlyAgree to DisagreeAgree to DisagreeSearch for a Win-Win SolutionSearch for a Win-Win SolutionRemember constructive criticism Remember constructive criticism

is meant to be helpfulis meant to be helpful

“Social Power” Point